Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Romans 12, 15 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Today, I'm joined by Dr. Lance Quinn, and we're going to take a close look at what it means to weep with the widower and how we can encourage one another to seek the Savior, the only source of joy that transcends our circumstances.
doctor Quinn, thank you for joining me today. Thank you very much, Emily. It's great to be with you. Today's subject is one that you've not only experienced as a pastor, but you have lived out firsthand. And I think it's a really important.
Subject for us to talk about, especially how men can minister to other men. But to get started, would you tell us a little bit about your wife, Beth? Yes, I'd be glad to do that. Uh Beth and I uh met when I was in seminary. And she happened to be one of my seminary professor's secretaries.
And uh soon as I saw her I thought, well, she is gorgeous And I need to get to know her.
So We did. I introduced myself to her and Uh it was a good thing that my A seminary professor was a good friend of mine, and so he put in a good word for me.
So Uh we did um meet Uh and talk and We did that over about... five months and then I married her. Wow. Yeah, very, very quick. Uh when I when I knew Um After our first date.
that she was the one, no question about it. And she apparently also thought the same thing, though she didn't tell me. that until a little bit later.
So Well he just Thought of all the reasons why we shouldn't get married, you know, as quickly as possible, and we just couldn't come up with anything.
So we decided that the Lord was in it. I was already. Uh on staff. at Grace Community Church. where John MacArthur's pastor.
And because of that, There was an opportunity. Uh to Have, you know, not only sort of a kind of Of sign-off by John himself because he knew who I was, and I think that helped Beth's mom. Yeah. I think a little less worried about things. Oh, uh We uh we were married in in 1986.
And we were also very, very desirous of having Children right away if we could. She was 23 years of age, and I was 26. And So we started having kids and um So we have eight children. We have five girls and three boys. Of course, they're all sort of grown up now.
having children of their own. In fact, I have nineteen grandchildren. Wow. So And Beth and I were married for uh almost 34 years And then the Lord in his grand Providence and in his mysterious providence Um Let us know. in December of 2017.
I was actually in Baltimore, Maryland, preaching and teaching at a conference. And Emily, I got that call that uh you and I would never really want to get, and that was That Beth was at home in Southern California. I was pastoring a church in Thousand Oaks, California, and just she just woke up one morning without any warning at all. and she realized something was terribly wrong. She was sort of uh looking at herself in the mirror and she was not making sense with her her verbalization of things and Two of our children are youngest two who are two girls.
realized something's wrong with mom. She's not making sense. And that was not like her at all. She was sharp as attack.
So they immediately took her to the emergency room and then I received that call that They had found a large tumor In the left lobe of her lung that had already metastasized to her brain, and that's why her brain was a bit scrambled. Wow. Wow. So that was that was a very tough, tough Um word to receive and Because I was on the other uh coast of our country I said I'm coming home immediately and so Those who invited me there took me immediately to uh Dulles Airport and I got on a plane for a very very long, sad, terrified. uh flight back to Southern California.
Now as a pastor What what were some of the thoughts and the prayers that were going through your head on that? on that long flight. I'll tell you, there were a lot of tears. A lot of tears. I spoke to Beth.
on the phone as I mentioned and I told her how much I loved her and I told her that I was coming as quickly as I could, And one of the One of the most challenging things I had to do, Emily, was when the pastor who had brought me to Baltimore, Maryland to teach and preach, who's a very dear friend of mine. He was driving me to the airport and it was about uh two hour drive uh from where he is. And that gave me the uh dubious opportunity to go down through the list Uh in birth order. of all of my children to tell them No very, very difficult news because The doctors were telling us almost immediately on the phone that. This certainly looks like stage 4B cancer, which is sort of the end of the road.
Wow. And uh So I had to Alert all of my my children They were.
Sort of near There They're uh 30s, early 30s, let's say, down to A um Like a Twenty about a 20 year old our our youngest or 21 And uh So, I was able to talk with each one of them, and of course. They were just like I was just utterly shocked because Yes, I'm a pastor, but I'm also A man and uh a a Christian and A husband and a father. And In fact that a second um to last child who is a a daughter. one week from that day, she was to be married. And so they were getting ready in the morning.
To do all kinds of, you know, last week preparations. before the wedding. going to be there in Thousand Oaks, California. And Obviously, all of this was superseded now by hospitalization and steroidal treatment because Her brain was swelling. because the metastasizing of the Of the cancer to the brain.
She had Uh I believe She had at that time Uh eight. uh tumors in the brain already And so the doctors were not giving us. much hope. But certainly, they were saying we'll do everything that we can. And so When I got to the hospital, at about two or three in the morning.
I walked into that little hospital room and They're my wife's best. was laying in the hospital bed and I just walked over and I kissed her and I hugged her. I told her how much I loved her and She did the same with me, and we just had a good old cry. Yeah. How long did Beth have before the Lord took her home?
Well, it seemed like it was going to be much Shorter than it was given the prognosis that the doctors were giving us. But the Lord was so kind because even though her treatment was very rough, She had three Um brain Scans that showed more tumors, even though we were trying to. get rid of them as fast as we could, but There was a gamma knife radiation type of surgery where they don't open the skull, they just. Uh sort of zap The person From the outside, and that was a gift from the Lord because it didn't damage any of the good cells. And so The Lord gave us two years and and uh three months, four months of life together with all of our family.
And the wonderful thing was Uh because of this quick treatment. Uh Beth was released the next Thursday, and by Saturday, she looked radiant because. She was well enough to go to that wedding of our last daughter. Wow. That's such a big blessing.
What were some of Beth's strengths in ministry as your wife?
Well Number one. Mm-hmm. I I have said many times though I was the head of our home. She most certainly was its backbone. And because of that, now she.
All she wanted her whole life was to be A pastor's wife. And she wanted to have as many children as she could. She just loved kids and So that's why we really wanted to have kids, you know, as soon as we could. And Beth was a stay-at-home mom. And for all of those thirty plus years, She was right there in the home.
She was taking care of her little ones. And So I was a busy pastor. Beth was a pianist. She loved playing the piano. She was a Bible graduate of Moody Bible Institute.
Um She was brought up in Sioux City, Iowa, knew about Moody because of its being in the Midwest. And so she She was very, very skilled biblically and theologically. uh as she was helping raise the children and So I had a great partner in that. And so she was just. She was just everything someone would want in a wife and a mother And a Bible teacher.
She was incredibly articulate. She was a great. Um person as it came to not only music in the church, But also uh her relationship with the women of the church Uh she was so classy. She was so Um So articulate. She was so mature that everywhere we passed her, she was just one of those that jumped right in.
And the the ladies of the church loved her. And so her life was her home and her church. Oh, I love that. And I love how you can just, you can tell how much you loved and adored your wife. And, you know, what a gift and treasure from the Lord to have that kind of love in this life.
And when we return on Hope in the Morning, we're going to talk about how people ministered to you as a widow and as a widower and how other people can not only minister spiritually, but how do we minister in practical ways that really meets the sufferer where they're at?
So join us in just a moment on Hope in the Morning. Have you ever walked through the deep suffering of a friend and been at a loss for what to say? How can you comfort someone when they've just lost a loved one or been diagnosed with cancer? Join us on Hope in the Morning to hear testimonies of people who've gone through life's hardest trials and share what you can do to serve others in similar circumstances. To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org.
Hope in the Morning is a listener-sponsored program that encourages the weary, equips those who walk beside them, and evangelizes the lost. If you want to partner with this ministry, visit hopeinthemorning.org. And may you be filled with hope as you continue this episode of Hope in the Morning. Friend, let me sit with you in the ashes and grieve with you in sorrow, As your heart mourns the loss of all the dreams you held for to morrow. Cry upon my shoulder and let me bear your pain, until your heart is strengthened, so you can rise again.
And when the morning comes, please take my outstretched hand. Look up at my face and find courage as you stand. I will replace your tears with joy, and give you grace and peace to cope. And I will fill all your tomorrows with the sweetest gift of hope. Psalm 119, verse 114 says, You are my hiding place and my shield.
I hope in your word. We're joined today by Dr. Lance Quinn, and he's not only a pastor, but he's also a widower. And so he has walked through seasons of grief with many various people. but you have found yourself walking in your own.
Valley of Grief. Um you were sharing with us about the end of your beautiful Wife's life, and she said, Lord, gave you two years and three months with her. After her diagnosis, what did those days after her passing What did that look like in your own heart before the Lord?
Well, that's a great question. Obviously. I miss her so terribly. It's been. five years now since she went to be with the Lord and I certainly, like so many others.
though a pastor and a Believer in Christ and you know, father and grandfather now of all of these great grandchildren and My adult children. I I certainly wept. many, many times because We were such dear friends in addition to being husband and wife. And, you know, it was hard because sometimes, especially Emily, in the night watches, we might say. Where when you're when you're married to someone for you know well over thirty years And you're you know, sleeping in the night.
and perhaps even sometimes involuntarily. I just would reach over to make sure she was there. And of course she was not there and So then you're just up and you're thinking and praying and grieving and. And yet Because of all of the things that the Lord has taught me. from his word.
I can take great comfort in This I would say premium thought. and that is this sometimes I believe grieve even Christian people. In a way that's not healthy because. They want that person to be right there. They want them to come back.
They want. you know, a continued relationship, but Think about it this way. Because of the providence of God and because The Lord knew and even orchestrated Beth's homegoing. The answer to the grief of the soul. is to No for sure.
that Beth is alive. She's with her Savior. Mm. And she is no longer suffering. There are no tears.
There's no sorrow. There's no cancer. Yeah. And because of that, We have to be careful that we don't live as though those who have no hope. Because When people sometimes, even professing Christians, sort of mourn in a way That almost challenges whether they believe that there's a continuity with this life and the life to come.
Yeah. And I remind myself every day of my life because I think about her every day of my life. That there is this continuity between this life and the life to come. though her body is in the grave, Her spirit is with the Lord Jesus. You know, Paul told the Corinthians that, and because of that.
I am grateful and thankful and even A kind of Not just um Uh joy. But an anticipation. that all the saints, including those that we love, They're going to be with us, and we're going to be with them for all eternity. Yeah. Yeah.
I love that. I mean, were there verses and hymns that you kind of settled your heart on during that season that you found yourself coming back to over and over again? There's no question. I mean, probably the hymn that Both Beth and I loved the most Was great is thy faithfulness. And you know that Song, every time it's sung in church.
Uh it's It's rhyme. It's It's encouragement. It's tune everything. You know, when that song comes into my mind, it immediately reminds me. That I believe that God is faithful.
And I have so many friends, and so many colleagues, and so many encouragements from my own children. For instance, All eight of my children know and love Jesus Christ. And because of that, When we talk together, when we're together or we're on the phone, However, we're communicating. And even though at times we all continue to say, Oh, I wish mom were here. Oh, I I I wish we could see her again.
But we all say to each other, But there's always heaven. And even though we won't be married then, because there is no marrying or giving in marriage in the life to come. The the fact of the matter is Uh if you and I have lost lost loved ones. while we will see them again. We can't get so sentimental and sort of assume that life will pick up as it.
Once began when you know we became married or we had a family because. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to be worshiping our Savior. That's our focus. That's who we will adore and worship.
So, yes. I adore Beth. I adored her in her life, and I even adore her in her death. But she will be resurrected, you and I will be resurrected, we'll have the great hope of being with loved ones, but we will also. realize that God will be our focus and we will just simply, as fellow believers, fellow saints, will be able to rejoice not only in the resurrection of our bodies, but will will be loving the Lord Jesus Christ.
Our Savior, and that's the greatest prize of all. Yeah, and loving him perfectly in a way that we don't, we can't do here on earth in this fallen world. What were some things that were practical helps that you think are very helpful for widowers, for the church to be aware of? You know, one of the things that was so precious. was the love of the saints Even if they didn't always Say for instance, do something tangible, you know, a meal.
Or say, you know, hey, I'm praying for you. Those are wonderful gifts. But the very fact that people will continue to say to this day, Lance, we love you. We know that you've been hurting regarding the loss of your wife. But thank you for your encouragement.
About how you're responding to those things. Yeah. And that's such a wonderful thing for me to hear. Yeah. Because that means somebody's seeing what I'm.
hoping they'll see And that is that I'm not a person who Who's So discouraged. and maybe even still angry or Saying and doing things that actually damage or could damage. My Christian testimony.
So I just love it, even when they say encouraging things, which I think is a way of living out. The one and others of the New Testament, like encourage one another. Yeah, yeah, I think that that's great. I think that, you know, as you mentioned, having some tangible things that we can do, like bringing meals or for younger widowers, offering childcare or offering to help clean the home occasionally. I think that those things are great, but As you had mentioned, like encouragement is really what our hearts need.
And even to be encouraged, that. people, especially as a pastor, like people are watching they're watching your example and they're watching your testimony. And not just as a pastor, you know, as believers, we're all we're watching one another. We're learning from one another. And, you know, That that is a big A big part of what Hope in the Morning is: is like learning from one another's testimonies so that we can encourage one another, we can equip each other so that we don't feel like I'm navigating uncharted waters.
I don't know how to minister to this new widower or a widow. We are more equipped because people were willing to open up and share their testimony. But share their hope. And what you said is exactly what we want to focus our hearts and minds on ultimately: is not the things of this world, but the things above and the hope that we have through Christ after this life. And that's something that sets Us as believers apart from unbelievers when it comes to grief.
Because unbelievers, they don't have a hope. They don't have a way to transcend their circumstances. And so their circumstances often drown them because they just don't have a way to see beyond it. They don't have a hope beyond this life. And we, as believers, can show them through our own testimony of suffering.
That there is hope, that the Lord has come to redeem our sorrows and He's come to give us something. He's come to give us life and give us life abundantly. And As believers, we get the opportunity to steward our grief. And I appreciate the way that you have demonstrated not only your love for your wife and the transparency that you miss her and that you do grieve the loss of her here on earth, but that you are not without hope and that you are not without joy because you know where your Beth is. You know that Beth is worshiping at the Savior's feet personally.
Perfectly. With no hindrances, no pain, no sorrows. And so that leads us to a heart of worship. And, you know, we have just a minute to wrap up here. If you want to continue this episode, you can head over to Hope in the Morning Backstage on YouTube.
And Dr. Quinn and I will continue some more. But Dr. Quinn, what would be a verse that you would want to leave us with to dwell on?
Well Going through all of what I've gone through and what my family's gone through. I'll tell you. Psalm one nineteen sixty eight a Psalm 119, 68a. Says God is good and does good. And I have thought of that passage.
I've lived in that verse. I have worshiped God through that verse.
So, that probably, maybe more than any other verse in the scripture, has been my. My tremendous Um resolve to believe that and to live in light of it. I love that. I think that's one that we can all pretty easily commit to memory, too. You know, God is good and God does good.
And I would just conclude with saying that that is one of the ways that you can encourage widowers too, is to remind them of that truth.
Sometimes our hearts are not great at reminding us of truth when we're in the valley. But as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can come alongside one another and remind you that God is good and God does good. Dr. Quinn, thank you so much for joining us today on this episode of Hope in the Morning. Thank you, Emily.
Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting, equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ. To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved ones' honor, please visit hope in the morning.org. Your donation helps keep these stories of hope on the air and helps tangibly meet the needs of the hurting.
