Carlen Maddux: A Path Revealed

One of my favorite tunes by Chicago, John. Thank you very much for that. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I do believe that I'm feeling stronger every day. How about you? How about you? Are you feeling stronger? Because that's what this show is all about is strengthening the family caregiver and we'd love for you to just subscribe to our podcast, get regular information to help you stay strong and healthy as you care for someone who is not.

This is hope for the caregiver. 800-688-9522. I just finished reading a book by a gentleman named Carlin Maddox and he is on the phone with us from the St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay area. A career journalist, wonderful thinker and writer and he in a detailed manner, one that I'm not used to seeing, talked about his journey as his caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer's and what this did for him, for them, for their family and his journey of self-discovery, of his faith, of perseverance and the book is called A Path Revealed and he is with us today. Carlin, you on the phone? Hi, I'm here Peter. Good afternoon.

Carlin, thank you for calling in and thank you for writing this book. This was not what I expected. Not what I expected. You get that a lot, don't you?

I do. What were you expecting? A guidebook?

Yeah, I was, you know, a lot of people send me their books. They want to come on the show and they talk about it and what happened is that they kind of write the same cliched kind of things and I'm not meaning to disparage them but I've seen a lot of this and it's kind of a cathartic thing for them to write it out but you did something much different with this book and you went a much different direction. The way I describe it, Peter, is Alzheimer's is not the focus of our story. Alzheimer's is the context. The focus is the spiritual odyssey that unfolded over 17 years for us as we lived through this disease and that's the focus. Well, one of the things that grabbed me right off the bat at the beginning of this book is that you refused to capitalize the word Alzheimer's throughout the book which I thought, talk about that a little bit, I thought that was fascinating. Well, Dr. Alzheimer's didn't discover but he put a name to the disease back 100 years ago and so his name was tagged with that disease ever since and I did not mean to show any disrespect to him but Alzheimer's itself does not, the disease itself does not deserve to be capitalized. It doesn't deserve that kind of credit and so that's, I was sitting down to write this, I said that's the way I view this thing.

I think that's, you know, I don't capitalize diabetes, you know, and Gracie doesn't capitalize amputation so I think that was a brilliant way. You spent a lifetime as a journalist, you've published a very successful business report for many, many years in the Tampa Bay St. Pete area and before that you were an editor, I believe, or what were you doing before you started your business report? When I started, before that I was at the St. Petersburg Times on their business desk and then started the magazine in 1984 and kept that open until 2010.

So I was editor, publisher, chief bottle washer and I had a good staff working with me and so yeah, we were able to keep it going for 25 plus years. Well now, your wife was diagnosed pretty young, like she was like 50 years old when this happened? She was 50. Martha was very energetic, she was very involved in politics here, very involved in civic activities. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1997, September 23rd and I was 52.

Our three children, two of them were in college and one of them was still home in high school. So yeah, we were at a young stage and I hadn't even, if I had heard of Alzheimer's, I just hadn't paid any attention to it until we got this got this notice. Martha, in fact, the year before had run, before our diagnosis had run for an open seat in the Florida state legislature and thankfully lost that primary by 20 votes. I'm glad that she did lose that in hindsight, but it was disappointing at the time. Well, you had a nominal, I mean, you talk about it, you had a faith going into this thing that you really, but it wasn't a huge part of your life. That all changed, didn't it?

Uh, over time it did. I mean, when we got the diagnosis, the very day we got the diagnosis, our world didn't turn upside down. Our world imploded on us and we got home and Martha and I cried and we just didn't know what to do. But she was obviously still very much had a wits about her and she looked at me and says, Carla, I do not want to tell anyone. I don't want to tell my parents. I don't want to tell our children. I don't want to tell my brothers.

I don't want to tell our friends. And, uh, there was one fellow, one person that she was willing to talk to, and this was a retired Presbyterian minister here in St. Petersburg, whose name was Lacey Harwell. And she was willing to talk to him. So I called Lacey and Lacey came and visited with us.

And after sort of catching his breath, I don't think he was expecting this. He said, you know, I have a very good friend up in Kentucky who is with the Sisters of Loretta community there. And she is the retreat director.

And she has the best gift of discernment that I've seen in anyone. I've said a lot of my, uh, uh, members of the church there, a lot of my friends who've had one crisis or another and spent time with her. And I don't know what you would get out of the meeting, the visit with her, but I suspect it would be, uh, very important for you. And so after Lacey left, Martha and I talked about it and I called Sister Lane and, uh, three weeks after her diagnosis, we went up to Kentucky to visit with her for a week. And we don't have time to get into all that we went through there.

The, uh, but it was a most meaningful kind of time. And one of the things, uh, Peter, that she told me that I just didn't understand, Martha, nor I knew, understood. She said, you might want to explore the difference between willfulness and willingness. I didn't know what she was talking about.

I had this magazine, entrepreneurial magazine, Martha was in politics. And if any, any two careers are willful, those are, and, uh, but that began to sort of establish some, uh, rail tracks between which my, uh, life, uh, bounced back and forth as we went down this road. But her parting words to us was pretty much ingrained in my mind now. And this is what Sister Lane told us. She said, you're about to get your main calling at this time is to trust that you belong to God and not to yourselves and to deepen your love for God and between yourselves.

And I very naively thought to myself, we should be able to do that. And that was just the beginning, the unfolding of this, um, Odyssey, if you will, uh, that, uh, uh, we set, set out on for 17 years. Um, they, I use the word Odyssey more than I do the word journey for our situation. The word journey for a disease like Alzheimer's is feels a little too planned and a little too tame, uh, Odyssey in the classical sense for me is you wake up one day in a foreign land, you're lost, you're hurt, and you're confused and you want to get home.

You do anything to get home and you'll go anywhere to try to get home. You literally went around the globe on this one, didn't you? Uh, I did. I mean, we had several mentors just, uh, arise the whole time. Uh, there was one, um, minister and Australian Anglican minister. We had a healing ministry there and, uh, we became good friends after I connected with him. And that was, that was just an, uh, that was an awkward kind of thing for me to, to, uh, get connected around this healing ministry stuff. Uh, I, I grew up not far from you in Cookville, just east of you. Oh yeah. Over in Putnam County.

Over in Putnam County. And I mean, my, um, my involvement or what I've seen from quote faith healers were these, uh, preachers who would come through town and, uh, on the sawdust trail and put a tent up. And, uh, they did two things as far as I could tell.

They, uh, they, uh, put fear into you and they entered your pockets and then they went on down the road and not far from us further east where the snake handling calls, uh, up on the state line with Kentucky. And so that was my experience, but I found some books that had gotten me, uh, looking at healing ministry in a different way and a mutual friends of ours, uh, put me in touch with this Canon Jim Blenin out in Sydney. And she sent me a set of his tapes and a book of his called, uh, your healing is within you. And, uh, from there we began, I began to have a, uh, facts and phone conversation with Jim. And then at one point after, after Martha had, uh, had a seizure and I'd never seen a seizure before I said, I just got to go out and talk to him in person.

I'm not getting everything he's saying here. And, uh, so yeah, with him and, uh, with some other folks, it just sort of amazing to me as I look back, uh, these folks sort of arose out of nowhere, seemingly, uh, over the time of our Odyssey. Well, I know that it's, it's hard when you watch somebody go into a seizure, it's hard to wrap your mind around the whole healing ministry thing.

Cause I've been there, done that. And, uh, and as I watched you, and I love the way you approach this in the book, you, you really approach this like an investigative journalist. And, but the thing that you were investigating was not Alzheimer's. The thing you were investigating, it, it really turns out it's see if I get this right. You were investigating your own heart and you were seeing that, you know, God, you were seeing your own heart in this tremendous need and how God's provision was there for you and for Martha and for your family in ways that you just did not expect.

And in ways that became deeply satisfying and meaningful to you. Um, and even to the point of a deeply beautiful for your whole family, as I read this and, uh, in the little bit in the little bit of time I have left, I just want to go through a couple of things you said here towards the end. Uh, one of the things you said is odds are underneath every crisis is a serious dose of fear and resentment.

Talk about that a little bit. Well, it was for me, and I've talked to enough other people that I see fear and resentment, uh, occurring there. And, uh, I've, I've, I've come to a conclusion that within every, I mean, physical crises, uh, health crises are definitely physical, but there's also embedded emotional and psychological and spiritual issues that really need to be recognized and dealt with if we want to clear the trail at all. And rather than just being overwhelmed with, uh, every, with everything that we've got to do during the day. Well, you say, you say that by the way, every crisis, be it health, financial, family, or relationship carries a significant spiritual dimension.

I don't think that we often look at those things. I don't think we see that the spirituality of our daily crisis that we, we get ourselves all torqued up about. And, and you've pushed back on that thought and say, you know what, you really need to look for God working in this, in every crisis that you're thinking that's coming your way. And that's not how you started off, but that's how you ended up with that.

Isn't it? Uh, after the fact, yes. After I forgot to, uh, reflecting back on what we'd done for 17 years and as we were going through it as well, and then putting the book together, uh, I recognized even as I've reflected back on our lives leading up to the diagnosis, uh, just, uh, saw that there were issues that we just, we just did not pay any attention to. I just thought forgiving someone, uh, was a nice quote, Christian, uh, thing to do whenever you can get around to it.

I just didn't understand how that can have a direct impact on my health and wellbeing. If I didn't address this almost immediately and try to clear it up. And that was part of the process of what Mark and I went through in terms of, uh, getting, going through the forgiveness process, my going to, uh, several forgiveness processes. Uh, so yes. And I, one of the things that the lane pointed, just go ahead. Well, in the one minute I have left here, somebody right now is, is getting that diagnosis.

Somebody is in that place that you guys were in in just 30 seconds. What would you, what would you say to them right this moment? Oh, my, but what I would say to them is, uh, do not start beating yourself up. Do not give into the fear that you probably are feeling. And I would find a good friend or a good mentor that you can talk to maybe.

Yeah. And just, you need to bring someone close into this, who can help bounce off ideas and thoughts and feelings with you. The book is called a path revealed Carlin Maddox, Carlin Maddox.com.

I'll put it on the podcast on the website, Carlin. Thank you. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger, bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you care for someone who is not.

And the way you do it is you get by with a little help from your friends. Thank you for that count of mighty disco. And let me just give out Carlin's website again.

C-A-R-L-E-N-M-A-D-D-U-X.com. If you want to get that book, A Path Revealed, I'd recommend it. It is a very insightful read and it will challenge you and it is not what you expect. I think that when people have gone through the kind of things that you go through over a lengthy period of time, you start to get to what the core issue is. And a lot of times as caregivers, we think the core issue is we just got to get out in front of this and we got to make everything better and get it back to normal. And time has its way of showing you what normal really is. And so it's a good book.

It's a very good book and I appreciate it being on here and I hope to have it back on again. Hey, listen, earlier in the show for our caregiver tip of the day, we talked about securing the weapons, okay? Safety. If you've got somebody in your orbit who has gotten a very difficult diagnosis that involves some type of impairment, whether it's Alzheimer's, if you've got a child with autism in the home, if you've got addiction issues in the home, alcoholism, mental illness, severe depression, any of those things, then have the conversation about gun safety. Let's make sure those weapons are secured. I just got a friend of mine texted in that the father had the wrong ammo in the gun and it kept sticking. And if they hadn't gotten that taken care of, it would have hurt him.

It would have been a disaster situation. So you have to jump into these situations and make sure that things are properly secured. We'll go after the keys. We'll go after making sure that the stove is turned off, but will we go after making sure that the guns are properly safety?

Do you know where they are? And that's just one of those things here on the show that we like to talk about here because we see that this is something that it becomes so politically charged that people don't get anything done. Well, we're not going to let it be politically charged.

We're going to let it be caregiver charged. And that's our mission here on this show. Also, I've got a bunch of supplies heading out to West Africa tomorrow. Going out to the clinic in Ghana, I've got a whole bunch of pylons for above knee amputees. I've got prosthetic feet, socks, and blades for saws, name it. We've got it in there and it's heading over and we could use your help with these sort of things. We're also trying to raise a significant amount of money to about $8,500 to buy a large container, 55 gallon drum of resin, of acrylic resin, and the catalyst agent that goes with it to make these sockets. We make brand new sockets on site. And this one drum will make about 350 legs. It's expensive to buy, it's expensive to ship, but it makes a huge difference.

And we would welcome the help on this. 350 legs. That's a lot of people that can walk at standingwithhope.com. Standing with Hope is the presenting sponsor of the show.

You've heard Gracie's ads throughout the show. What she started and envisioned years ago when she gave up her own legs. And on this shipment are some of her own feet going on this.

She took some of them over there just recently. And she goes through a lot of prosthesis over the years. She's been an amputee now for 28 years. So she's gone through a few legs and she's donated her own feet to this. So scripture says, how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.

Didn't say they had to be flesh and blood feet, did they? How about being a part of that? Standing with Hope, the two program areas would do for the wounded and those who care for them. So we have the prosthetic limb outreach. And then this show is the second outreach of reaching out to that family caregiver who is discouraged, who's frustrated and is thinking that this is just going all just circling the drain here.

And it's not. And I've watched God move through our journey on things that I thought, how in the world can anything good come of this? And yet I look at people right now who are walking and leaping and praising God because of this. And I look at the folks, the caregivers that are engaged now with this, who are getting strength to be able to go back into some very difficult situations and continue on and getting healthier and stronger. Just like we played coming in, getting stronger every day. This is how we do it. And if you go out to standingwithhope.com, you can be a part of that. And we would welcome that today to help get this resin out, the shipments out, the show out, and let's go out and strengthen some other folks.

All right. Hey, all of this will be available at Hope for the caregiver, and I'll have the podcast available. Subscribe to it. It's free. Our e-letter is free.

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