Is The Machine Broken?

Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver reaching the 65 million and growing number of people who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and disaster. You're doing this every day.

You're getting up and doing this every day and it is not an easy thing. We talk about the practical. We talk about the emotional, the spiritual, the financial, the professional, any way that we can help you as a caregiver.

And again, we don't focus on the things that don't need a lot of work on. I mean, you know what? I could teach you how to give an injection if you don't already know. I could teach you how to argue with doctors. I can teach you how to argue and win with insurance companies. But once you learn it, that's a skill that you don't have to relearn. I can teach you how to do the laundry.

I can teach you how to do all kinds of things. But once you learn those things, you don't have to relearn them. But what can't be taught one time and then just walk away from it is dealing with the emotional trauma that sometimes goes on. And that's something you've got to have constant reinforcement with and learning life lessons to deal with that on a regular basis.

And one of those things, here's the thing. I go to a support group every week. I go to actually two or three a week sometimes. And it's been very, very helpful to me. Like I said, I've been doing this for three decades.

And if you don't think you need one, you know, God bless you. I'm telling you, I do. But one of the meetings I go to, there's a Coke machine there. You know how they can get, some machines just get it right and it's perfectly chilled for those of you that drink sodas or whatever. Perfectly chilled. I love this machine and I love the sodas that come out of there.

And it was so nice that I'd sit there and have a nice, refreshing beverage. Well, what happened was this thing started taking my money. Well, I got kind of frustrated with it and it did not honor the transaction that was implied. I would give it money.

It would, in exchange, give me something to drink. And I got a little frustrated with it. There's a number to call if there's a problem, called and hopefully got fixed or whatever, then came back next week or so and put money in it. Then it gave me two sodas, which was kind of, okay, well, I think this is kind of balancing it out.

So I would give one to a friend or whatever and we're all bouncing out. Then it went back to taking my money again. And I got a little bit frustrated. And I tried this again and again. It just kept taking my money.

And even though it was on, it looked like it was working, everything seemed to be working. And then finally I just got tired of giving up my money and I just brought a bottle of water. Now, what's the life lesson? Why am I even telling you this? Who even cares about my failures with a Coke machine?

I mean, nobody really cares. Think about what we do as a caregiver. Sometimes we put our treasure into an individual that may just be broken and they can't respond back in a way that we think would be appropriate or even the way that is appropriate. They can't do it. Now, we can get mad about it. We can cuss and fuss and kick, scream and hit the machine and do all the kinds of things that try to jiggle that stuff and force the stuff that we want out of it. But ultimately the thing is broken. And if we're looking to somehow get this thing to do different, we're just going to keep wasting our treasure.

And our treasure sometimes is our heart. I think that's the best way to do it. And sometimes the individual you're taking care of can't respond back to you in the way that you are begging them to do so. It's just not going to work.

So what do you do? Well, you don't go and find somebody else. You don't go and try to do something that's inappropriate and unhealthy. You learn to recognize that, okay, I'll find something healthy to replace that. In my case, I just brought a bottle of water.

That's much healthier for me than a soda anyway. But what about when it's a relationship? And part of that is sometimes I think we get our self-esteem from other people. We allow other people to speak to our self-esteem. We allow other people to somehow pass judgment on whether or not we're worthy enough by their comments or by their behavior. And if they say or do things that hurt our feelings, then we look at our self-worth in a much more negative light. But how are you going to function as a caregiver if you're just so beaten down because the words coming out of somebody else's mouth that you're taking care of are destructive or painful or hurt you? Is it possible for you to consider the source and detach a bit from that and recognize that your self-worth is guaranteed by something far greater than that individual?

And that's what I'm trying to do here on this show is to equip you with that so in those moments when it's just crazy. You know, I've got so many people that are taking care of aging parents who say things that are just so hurtful to them. One lady was sitting there the other day and she was trying to help her. Her mother had fallen. Her mother is 85 years old. Her mother had fallen.

She has dementia. And she was trying to get her mother back into bed. She was trying to help her mother. And her mother is just saying the most hateful, hateful things to her. And it just broke her heart. And it made her mad and all those kinds of things. And she had to take a break from it.

She just had to step away from it for a little bit and collect her thoughts and have to remind herself that all those things that her mother is saying do not get to pass judgment on her self-worth. They just don't. They just don't. They don't get to do that.

You have to consider that it just, the machine may be broken. And that's okay. And if you look to someone else, whether you're a caregiver or not, to somehow affirm whether or not you're worthy as a person, well how far is that going to get you? You see, God says your worth comes from a much higher source and that's him. Now who are you to argue with God? If you look to other people, well you know what, the same people that say you're wonderful can turn right around and say you're lousy. What are you going to believe? You've got to believe in an external source far greater than people.

Otherwise you're not going to make it. Because the first time someone comes along and casts any kind of, I used to say cast asparagus at you, cast aspersions at you, cast asparagus at you, you're going to get all in a funk about this and somehow think, oh my gosh, I'm not worth anything, I don't do anything. You can't love freely from that position. And when you're taking care of somebody, you can't look to them to replenish your heart. They may not be able to do it. They may be impaired. They may be under narcotics. They may have dementia. They may just be having a bad day.

They just may be being a jerk. Either way, you can still stay calm. You can still care for them and express that love because your love comes from a far greater source. You know, I quoted Gracie earlier in Isaiah when she was talking to that young lady over in Ghana via video conference this week when she was putting a leg on her. She said, They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles.

They shall run and not grow faint. And Gracie's a double amputee telling this to another amputee. We're providing the leg for her through standing with hope. And Gracie's saying, Hey, you know what?

This leg, we're going to get new legs one day, but this leg is going to keep you standing with hope until we do. That's from Isaiah. It's a great scripture. There's another scripture in Isaiah. And it says that our names are written on the palm of his hands.

They're engraved on the palm of his hands. He knows your name. And as you're caring for that loved one, as you're doing sometimes very menial task and you don't think anybody sees and you don't think anybody cares, you have one who provides you with inexhaustible love, who does determine your worth, who does see what you're doing. You have a savior. Look to that savior. Don't look to that patient you're treating. Don't look to that loved one to affirm you in it. Be affirmed in the fact that you have a savior who stretched out his life for you on the cross and died for you. Let that be enough. And that frees you up to love that person no matter what they say or do. And you can be at peace. They may revile you. They may say all kinds of stuff, but you can be at peace and you don't need to be torn up with all this stuff. That's why we do what we do with this show to give you practical hope, real hope, things that you can hold onto in the midst of craziness.

Reach out, take the hand that's offered. I am so grateful that you tuned in today. I'm going to see you next week. We're going to talk some more about it. Go visit standingwithhope.com and we'll see you next time. This is Peter pharmac مmaster. Ninh Ly, www.ninh.co.uk, 1H exploding