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June 21, 2020 8:58 am
From Hope for the Caregiver 6/20/2020.
A pastor friend once told me, "Rage is the most delicious of sins - it gives the illusion of power."
As a caregiver, we find ourselves faced with a long list of injustices. Do we rage against them? What does that look like as a caregiver?
For me, i discovered a surprising antidote for rage.
We talked about it on the air, plus took calls ...one in particular provided an opportunity to explore the current destruction in our cities as a teachable moment.
Peter Rosenberger hosts the nationally syndicated program: HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.
Hope for the Caregiver is the broadcast outreach of Standing With Hope, a 501(c) 3 organization. Donations are considered tax-deductible by IRS laws.
I hope the caregiver I am with us. This is Mason's you as a family caregiver for his eight 589-8840 888-589-8840 show. This is a show for the family caregiver for those who put themselves knowingly and voluntarily, without pay between a multiple of one of the worst disaster that could be involved in Alzheimer's.
It could involve autism with all the addiction can involve mental illness, trauma, disease, whatever the impairment, there's always caregiver always is always a carrier now that caregiver may have been distant from that individual. For various reasons. A lot of times we we we we into that in here on the show of of family members that have been split apart because of various issues going on and then when the when the crisis hits of the disability or the impairment. It drives a wedge even further into those relationships with her still caregiver somewhere in that orbit struggling with the basic components that all caregivers struggle with which a sphere obligation and guilt. I call it the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt. And if you're dealing with that right now you can level pleasing, okay. What we did about this one event about this movement about this or you felt I got I got I got that set obligation that must I should I have to. I need to, and guilt where first sobriquet resets our constant companion is guilt and we are we are struggling with with trying to make sense of of our behavior in the midst of of often what is nonsensical is just crazy, and so on.
This show we unpack those things we we don't spend a lot of time teaching on how to caregiver. In fact, I don't know that I spent a lot of time teaching anything that'll think caregiver needs a lot of instruction. I can't tell you how to cure your lovely morning to tell me how to take care of mine. I give a couple tips that I've learned about 34+ years down but I can't tell you how to deal with that. From that perspective of of okay, here's what your day looks like today, think, but I think we caregivers need a lot of reminders we don't need a lot of instruction, but we need a lot of reminders.
Where's the path to safety.
What does healthiness look like the midst of this, and these are things that we work through together here on this show and I get if you want to be part of it. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 of us talk about something that we all struggle with at some point it just manifests itself differently in that is reach reach anybody out there struggling with rage, and as we've wants what's happening in our country what's going on as people reaching out and just burning down buildings and all the cost of why what people do that what what good does that serve and improves it well.
There's been a lot of injustice while the others a lot of justices everywhere. Okay, but let's be frank about this is justices all around this world if every time we went out there and burn down a Wendy's in injustice. What would this look like where's the school what is that particular Highway lead to an NY dude in the first place what what good does that solve and I think that is caregivers. We know a little bit about this because we been faced with a lot of unfairness or unpleasantness things we've had to just kind of absorbent and there's there's a tipping point where we lash out the lashing out can come from lashing out a love one of barking out things raisin voices yelling all the stuff he can get violent. Or sometimes we can lash out at ourselves ever done that you feel like you just without mercy, just raging against yourself.
Just for getting into the situation and sometimes I can look like depression and and sometimes I can look like just putting yourself down so hard, almost violently abusing yourself in a been thinking about this a lot as we watched this unfettered rage fill our airwaves as people are tearing down statues there'd burning down buildings and will tear down this teardown that an air but just into seems like it's unbridled thought about a lot about this over the last couple weeks there's a Scripture says refrain from anger turned from wrath and do not fret. It only leads to. It leads only to evil now minimal read in a couple different translations right this is Psalm 37, eight, refrain from anger for sake wrath. Fret not yourself. It tends only to evil. That's the English standard version, new living translation says stop being angry, turn from your rage. Do not lose your temper it only leads to harm King James Bible very similar to that cease from anger.
For sake wrath. Fret not thyself in any wise to do evil we just go down the list it says okay look, don't do this, leave this don't get don't fret, and what what is what is fretting mean you know that we were just obsessing over these things and in one. I think it's what it says no given warrior anger.
It only leads to trouble.
Don't give into it, and so you kind of get the thing here of what what Scripture is saying in this illegal sometimes it helps to look at these things and and multiple translations just to kind of get the picture of what the original text will sake it in the Hebrew language is such a dense language mean it's it's it's very compact and so you have to kind of spend some time understanding it from all different but it doesn't always give the same kind of weight to it in the in the English lines when you translate that to the English translators done a great job with it, but it's it's not as status, specific as the Hebrew language in its but it all of these are saying basically look there is a temptation to rage out and it's only going to lead to harm and you're seeing that on the airwaves. But do you see that in your life as a caregiver. Do you see where where you are you are it you are tempted to rage out of the family member that is not helping the way that that you like in two or or a physician or you know your loved one themselves or or or or even like you said it yourself. You see how that is a temptation for us is caregivers that we can do that. Why listless bliss unpack that little deeper. Why why what one would buy would we do that we know it's not it's not productive in the message it says bridle your anger trashy wrath clear pipes and only makes things worse, but yet we do it why what good is solved by destroying something in your wrath for you personally. A disk of destroying a relationship, breaking something yelling. Did you know whatever burned all the way up to burn down buildings like loosing in the news. What good does that accomplish does it instill love does it instill respect from others.
Does it instill a sense of endearment you feel like you're ever going to if somebody is reaching out to you the ever feel like you just want to sit down and have a reasonable conversation with these people.
What good does it accomplish and we see this out of them on the news of all these people reaching up with this. Anybody can win people ranging like that. Do you want to go up there to shake their hands and watch people go through bowel to the I guess they're afraid of feel guilty about it, but is building a sense of mutual trust and relationship extreme request for S care. This do that, the writeback dispute arose, but hope care caregiver.com 885 888-885-8980 when thoughts of hope caregiver here favorite radio dispute arose. This is the nations them will show for you as a family. 888-589-8888 eight 589-8040 love that from Keith Green put this love in my heart and this is this is the this is a guiding principle for everything we do on the show of understanding where that source of love comes from. And when we tried to somehow overshadow that or or in any way push that away and accept rage instead what happens to us and we we as caregivers struggle with rage if you not struggling with rage as a caregiver. Give it time, it will manifest itself in different ways. It won't always look like you burning down the store. Sometimes it looks like overeating. Sometimes it looks like drinking it sometimes it will manifest itself with with severe depression you ever seen these kids that have struggled with cutting themselves not just kids.
It happens to adults as well but is it struggle with cutting themselves.
I think doing what's going on. The these the deceitful allure of rage is that it gives this sense of power it but it's deceitful. It's an illusion, but for that moment, you feel powerful. And then when it leaves when that when that adrenaline rush of a list of leaves, you're left with this vacuum of just guilt and quite truthfully not a shame, and then you get to do it all over again and it becomes a cycle of very deadly cycle. It's hard to function it. It is very difficult to to function as a is a healthy, normal human being when you're reaching out or raging in the tractor with Chris is a caregiver think we are faced with this onslaught of crisis and challenges we deal with it. We deal with it. We deal with it.
All of a sudden something happens is you know the straw that broke the camels back. That kind of thing we gotta do something that makes ourselves feel powerful because we feel like were going under. We feel so outreach we feel so this we feel whatever.
And and and then we unleash this pent-up stuff that's in us so that we can feel powerful again and it cripples us is caregivers every time and again go back to think about all these people that are just putting graffiti on our nations monuments there there tearing down stuff there just just going it. It's like a mob. It is about do you want to sit down with these people and in have a nice meal with the trust would you want to extend your hand to them or do you will stay as far away from them as you can until they can start acting like reasonable adults that if they don't act like reasonable adults than what we do will think about when we do it as individuals who wants to trust us or build that cutter bridge with us. Who wants to engage with us when we do this well guilty of this at various levels.
It's not that we somehow are or or less prone to sin than anyone else see rage is one of the most delicious sins of all it gives that illusion of power and that's what we crave in them the weaker we feel in our hearts, the weaker we feel inwardly. The more that illusion of power is enticing to us. We will reach out or region were to be hit with these things is caregivers throughout our journey as a caregiver. And after you've heard me say on the show many times the journey for caregiver does not stop at a great it just doesn't. I am convinced of this. I think that a lot of caregivers suffer from the impact of being a caregiver long after the funeral. It's like you know it, go through a divorce. You don't you think that the pain of the divorce. The pain of the failed marriage ends when you sign the document.
No, it takes a long time to process what is happened and that all too many will end up standing at a grave with clinched fist when it comes to being a caregiver and it was the antidote for this was the end opens a well love will yeah that's a little bit generic. I think you correct me for all you have different opinion or you can you can wager with your opinion. I don't know if you could greatly from brokers out of the wrong but I would certainly indulge for or love to hear others thoughts on this, but I'm thinking of this and you you play this out see if this resonates with you. I'm thinking that part of the process of dealing with that so that we don't go to places of rage is that we learn to mourn better MOU are in grief mourn in morning involves a level of acceptance we feel weak when we morally feel like oh my gosh were exposing our these deep feelings and therefore their frightful feelings we want to run from. We don't particularly like the we don't want to feel weak, but when we mourn Harley.
Are we weak when we mourn. I don't think so. I think that we we we it.
It is 81 of those kind of things that are counterintuitive but extremely important to us as human beings and and in Jesus himself said this, Matthew 54 Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted and ultimately at think what happens. Mental health experts of all can can give better descriptions that I can but this just from somebody who's just walk through a lot of this crap himself. I think that what happens is is that we are assaulted with so much brokenness in our journey as a caregiver and we feel so overwhelmed by that. We we lash out so hard about it, whether it's ourselves or someone else, but we don't take time to grieve it out. It's kinda hard to grieve on the battlefield is any combat that will tell you that you could have to put grief aside and deal with the battle at hand. And so think about it in terms of the combat that when you have individual who's been dealing with this and it on the battlefield and they lost a loved one, or somebody was wounded.
Something was hurt but they had to just shelve that for a while and then they go back into safety. Whether it's you at the base or even outside of the military and you've heard about all this with this PTSD of the soldiers that are struggling so mightily with this 1015 20, 30 years later and you and you see some of the self-destructive things that happened along the way to these soldiers did. They were they've afforded the opportunity to properly mourn and grieve this out in process what it happened come to level of acceptance with what does it do to them emotionally, mentally and smarter people in Macon can lead that would, but for us is caregivers versus human beings when were constantly assaulted with injustice or or crisis or belittling from a loved one, or just drama drama drama. What does it do to us and how we deal with Jesus and blessed are those who mourn are we morning do we grief over what has happened to our loved one and us through this.
Are you in mind, we take time to do that. What does it look like who helps us with this where we go. Once the conversation look like to just take a moment's pause and mourn over what we wish could have been what is an and I think that for me as a caregiver acceptance has been one of the toughest things for me to just accept what he is and what's mine and what's not.
Was my responsibility was not my responsibility and give myself time to mourn over the brokenness of what's going on you know it and and and I I go back to things in Scripture that just don't make sense to me. Make since you feel free to call in 888-589-8840 but you know when Jesus got to Lazarus to and he wept, the more was mourning over Lazarus morning over the, the, the wailing of the people are just the Holbrook system. I don't know Scripture does is doesn't unpack that to me in a way that makes sense to me and I just have to accept certain realities that I've heard some good teaching on it but you know that's a hard thing to redirect my mother. He's got he's fully God and fully man. He's going to raise him from the dead. He said I am the resurrection, he knows these things, and yet he he wept over it, one in a one pastor friend of mine explained it to me that that he shelved his divinity as a man so that he could experience the human condition and only moved as the Holy Spirit gave him direction sent from the father and I get that it on a headspace I get that.
But still, hard wrapping monument more recent. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted you more heavyset. This is where caregivers live in hope. I am hopeful we can just practice and practice in a bit more with take your calls. 888-589-8840 888-589-8040.
This is hopeful to get fairly significant surgery this week correcting something in his back but Gracie is rust together of the joy of the Lord is my strength and that that's how we do it as believers, as we we lean on his joy to give us strength. We lean on him for strength, not on ourselves, not on try to make yourself feel powerful. Through her rage and so forth. And if you want to copy that record go out to our website. Hopefully caregiver.com. You see Gracie's CD cover right there in the front and there's a donate button with whatever's on your heart. Go ahead, send it in.
Will send copy that CD and what what we do is use that to help raise funds for what we do in Africa through stating with hope and stay with hope is a prosthetic limb outreach is to progress prosthetic limb outreach and in this this show for what we do is for the wounded and for those who care for them.
The prosthetic limb outreach is a work in Africa for 15 years.
We worked with the Republic of Ghana. We teach and equip local workers how to build legs for their own people.
Sponsored links and so forth.
I got a young man right now that you could help sponsor got above the leg. We been working with him for cash. 13 or 14 years, was to grow up and needs new limb and you could help sponsor that his name is Kelsey and us in this note will be glad to apply that to whatever it's it's week we can get over there and treat him right now because of all the virus. The work we work with the folks there to provide the lambs sit over supplies and so forth. And then if the if the patient cannot afford a prosthesis, even with the low cost were able to help do with all the stuff that will sponsor if you want to help do that will hit stating with hope is is will will do that and you can go right up to her webpage. Hopefully caregiver.com you to see the stating with hope link you see Gracie's CD to see all that stuff. Please take advantage of it today artless go to were taught outreach and and what's the antidote to this in the antidote is not feeling happy. The antidote is not been happy happy happy all the time. Time to help.
I believe that the antidote to this is morning giving herself time to grieve with George. Floyd was killed. There's no two sides to this. There's nobody that steady up and say hey this is a good thing. Nobody's doing that we all as a nation agree that this is a this is a horrific event in wheat we need time to mourn that as a nation. It's only people out there trying to get us to bow the knee with that we missed the opportunity bow our heads united sorrow and and we got a hat.
We have to give ourselves time to mourn degree for a friend of mine she's watching the show right now just lost her mother, and she been taking care of her for very very long time and it was it was. There was so much drama involved and I talked to my friend. Just last week I just said you and she said I didn't feel like going out with other people. This is go out and just I just could do it acid is no need to.
You just give yourself space left yourself mourn this out, grieve it out.
Take the time to brief the that's how we avoid this thing going into dark places