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#433 Caregivers and Apologies: "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word."

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
July 6, 2020 12:54 pm

#433 Caregivers and Apologies: "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word."

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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July 6, 2020 12:54 pm

Let's face it, we caregivers are going to make a lot of mistakes in our journey. I still hold the title for "Crash-test dummy of Caregivers," and I'll bet I've forgotten more mistakes than most will make. (I still remember plenty to CRINGE over, however!) 

Facing those mistakes, owning them, apologizing for them, and making amends (when possible), remains an important part of living as a healthy caregiver. 

John and I discussed this in today's episode ...and we also talked about our pet peeves of "fake apologies" often on display by public figures. 

Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  The nation's #1 broadcast and podcast show for family caregivers, Peter draws upon his 34+ year journey as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare that includes 80+ surgeries, multiple amputations, and treatment by 100+ physicians. 

Learn more at www.HopefortheCaregiver.com

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This is one show you as a family caregiver cardio with you. That is the question that we ask on the show we are glad that you part of it. With this if you want to be a part of the show in the studio live with this 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 and would love to have you be a part of the show, you could just call it whatever is on your heart. We have a topic to do with John and I can kick around today, but if you get something that is aside from that, we will swerve into whatever you wishes to discuss as it relates to the family caregiver nimble people so nimble people is that what they are nimble yet.

Speaking of nimble, here is the nimble minded himself, would you please welcome John Butler, the count of muddy disco with his weekly dad joke. Oh yeah, I hate you know how the man in the moon. First of all thank you. Appreciate you demand of job you will find out you not be the man in the moon got there, I do not know that equips it. I would make an apology for John but are subject today is apologies oh apologies, I like to surprise John with what ever do because we like to prepare the show. I will think about things, but one of the things is great about having John as a part of the show is that I can throw whatever he's like a major league catcher whatever pitch I throw it up.

He's going to catch it and weathertight he tries to storm them out himself well is that this is a complete aside as you know I have two. II say their young children, but they're getting older by the day of an eight-year-old and 12-year-old and I was out at at a cabin this weekend and my two children watched for the very first time the sandlot you go to be embarrassed and ashamed and distended and in this mail. No movie that is noted that you were one of today's lucky 10,000s or high as as good as field of dreams is the sandlot sheet is it is it.

I know it's one of your favorites and that like the amount of wholesomeness and and really good stopping. It's yes it's it's a comedy bites yet we we do love baseball and that is that that is one of my it was a formative movie for me growing up and and the two kids got to see it today are our earlier this weekend and it just fantastic. I cannot recommend it enough without baseball and kids.

It's well I would think about this a lot. John this set of the society field of acrimony filled with acrimony and Gary find our column on the big yes we like to use a big word and if you are in any kind of relationship.

Apologies are going to be a part of that journey manages has to be in if you're in a caregiving relationship. There there are ample opportunities for more apologies. How can I say that's an interesting sentence. I I want to put a positive spin on my mistakes but I just called to practice my policies. Yes ample ample opportunities and but thinks it's a pet peeve of mine okay is when I see people on in the news media. Whatever, and they apologize poorly.

Yeah, and and and someone read this quote from Benjamin Franklin the very quotable Benjamin Franklin never ruin an apology with an excuse exactly there is no qualifications there should be no qualifications on apology and there was.

I'm glad you brought this topic up. This was at. This is one of my favorite Ted talks was from Robert Gordon and who is Robert Gordon. Yet Robert Gordon and it was the power apology. I'm thinking who is Robert Gordon, Robert, I don't actually a he's a he's a psychotic psychologist. I'm sorry okay yeah so he's believe he's got some some numbers are some letters after his name. We like at a differing thing. I have numbers after my dad that bites he he listed three aspects of a good apology and you know what wasn't one of those three aspects with an excuse exactly yeah you ever tried to make an apology without the word sorry deliberately try to use you that using the word sorry I say things like I apologize, and that while there are other aspects to a good apology, but yeah I generally try to avoid the word sorry because sorry doesn't necessarily in my opinion convey the depth of what needs to happen here. Apologies are very important and and that that's it. It seems I don't know which it is probably a style consideration interesting slow flip to me. Will the word has become diluted in our society we would have a game called so you know the word said you could send all the complaints to John at the Internet.google but but the board has become diluted and in as a caregiver there.

There two trips we fall into. With apologies. One of them is we try to apologize or feel sorry or take on sorry for things that don't belong to us right that's not appropriate and the deadline is we give halfhearted apologies or excuse apologies or passive aggressive apologies.

Even X animation is not an expiration can be an excuse really really quick and just. It's one of the things that I feel like we should just remove from the initial apology someone wants an explanation. Once" an excuse and they will ask us for that.

But many times the people to whom were apologizing, don't care about that and they shouldn't. Or they don't need to know they shouldn't yeah yeah their feelings are our hurt and their struggling and they want to feel validated. They know they've been injured and I think if you could put in.

If you don't really believe I apologizing we get if you could put the offense into a way that you a physical injury, I have physically injured someone so it's going to change the wording you use because if you if you if I remember one time and Gracie was helping me in the kitchen when Tom and I was trying to fix a light and I had a hammer there on the latter, and I was up there and she was just stating the lattices many many years ago that you just in the letter and not inadvertently drop the hammer or not to hammer off and it hit her in the hit. It really hurt. It really hurt her.

She started crying and and I was I felt so awful. It was my carelessness of of not being more careful around her. I drop something or knock something off and she got injured in the process.

She's okay she was all right.

You know how did out know that can stuff but when I go to her disabled. What were you doing under the path of that hammer. You know you don't say that you don't know. Why would you get in the way of the following hammer. You know it was my carelessness. I owned it and I can't explain it away. I can't be mad at her.

She was assisting me and I dropped the hammer, and I don't know that's where Thor got it from you, but the hammer did you know I don't know about that, but it's what we there is a drive with all of us to justify everything about who we are as people, including our mistakes and that's it's it's rough, it's hard to get around and ends because it it it it's around protecting our identity as good incompetent people and were not always good and competent people. And that's work talking were not perfect. We are flawed individuals in both carelessness and ethics and will you and and you have to own that exact you know it it's not really hard. It is hard to own and you have in their words that matter and I'm a big fan of this words manner words you don't speak that really matter, like not justifying your behavior correct correct tomato no no I meet words, but words matter in situations when you come to someone at your apologies and we all sing these these these politicians who get there. Basically said look, I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

That's the worst. I hate that I truly hate that if you ever hear and up it any type of leader or public figure's, whether celebrity or or politician pastor anybody or yourself say that understand that they are not apologize. They don't think they are. Did anything wrong. Correct.

They know they're there but you know they can apologize if they really wanted say; I don't think I did anything wrong in the actual act. However, the way it comes off is somebody else you want to view apologizing or say something in a nuanced way. That's fine if you want to explain your actions in a nuanced way. That's fine. Don't call it an apology right you know you could say I'm folk art and advertises my truly believe and I don't feel I need to apologize, but don't call it an apology will and end entendres on things we actually done wrong that we know know, but that's missing that leads into the way we talk with each other and in and what we see when we mirror what we see in the news and in the media and so forth of that's what were supposed did. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you misunderstood what I'm saying I hate that we were so old that is, I don't see that what is often but yeah that was that's I hate putting it on someone else. If you switch your fault for not being able to keep up with me. Yeah if you if you truly want to apologize to someone and you really feel like you have done something wrong, you should do so without any expectation of forgiveness and the words you use are going to reflect that the I regret I regret what I said and what I did. It is, it is it is inexcusable and I would like to make amends.

And I understand that it may take time now that I want to earn that from you with this is the thing in the Ted talk that I was talking to you you hit all of the good points exactly the first one is not till Jeff had a lot of practice. I have had ample opportunity to work to set up a right right what you make is that yes takes is just before getting on the show. I headed out opportunity here and how I was out opportunity to all that but I think if you want to have any kind of significant, meaningful relationship no matter what you do with your public figure. Whether you're doing it as a caregiver. Whatever the words you use really do matter exactly in others there's in this thing that I is usually set apology and I knew exactly where you go for this because it is something that is the apology is I pay close attention to this and read a lot about it just because of who I am as a person being like like yourself one who has ample opportunity but that an apology can play a huge role in relationship maintenance and just if you if you really like that but it is important that the three things that were just say that again yeah yeah I stole it from psychology today so that you can we still be by stolen goods ready or just as I really estate will thank you again, can't take credit but yet that an apology plays a huge role in relationship maintenance. It is is just this. We have to maintain a relationship and that is sometimes really boring really long work and the policy leases on theirs. But it it requires a love revolt a level of vulnerability in you.

If you're going to offer a sincere mea culpa and asked to talk about little bit today as caregivers, we find ourselves in a situation not just for their loved ones with all the other relationships surrounding that loved ones well were going to make mistakes but how to deal with them if you want to be a part of the show 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 is Peter Rosenberger will be right. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm gracing Rosenberger 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of death is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com.

I'm Gracie. I am staining with help back to hope for the caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for you. He was a family caregiver you will be part of the show 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 and when to go it on that because that is that is such a great. I've always loved that song, but John sorry seems to be the hardest word require something of so that's were tough but they were talking about. Apologies in sorry and in and making amends as a caregiver were going to have ample opportunity for this and it could be that you snap at a healthcare worker taking care of your loved one in the hospital.

Whatever or an employer or coworkers or whatever the stress that you're under as a caregiver is staggering, staggering, and you're trying to juggle so many things in your your your patience becomes thin and it exposes a level of demanding this or a cavalier behavior or a there's all kinds of things it can come to the surface were flawed human beings were going to screw it up. It's going to happen and it's can happen because of reasons there are going to be reasons you snap. There are going to be environmental factors that you are beyond your control that contribute to these mistakes and you can try to blame them, and that's you can assign appropriate blame to them, but it's not 100% because we reacted the way that we react and we need to figure out how to deal with out with ourselves and allow others who are affected by deal with it without words and understanding try to express how we feel an apology for his and I have found for me the best way to make an apology is to get into a place where you're not doing it on the fly that you give it that you give the injury.

If you were truly sorry for something you said or did you give that offense. The respect that it deserves. Of what he did the damage that offense is cost and give it the respect it deserves.

You're going to hurt people in your journey as a caregiver, or any nature is are in a relationship. If you don't.

If you are in relation with any other human being to go to hurt each other. It's going to happen for all you parents out there now your kid and got on your nerves to the point that you have done something that you wouldn't have done normally and it's not a good thing. It affected the kid in a negative way that wasn't necessary and and to acknowledge that we've we've all been there and were going to continue picking their yes I have found that human beings have an incredible capacity to forgive but it is predicated on a conviction that that individual has genuinely seen the error of their ways and is generally trying to make some type of correction and an amends for this.

Some things cannot be amended for in this in this, they just mean I get that our best efforts are what is required it in. In it were not entitled to forgiveness.

Yeah part of it were not one guy was saying you know he had had a it was it was a pretty bad situation. Their marriage and he that was some issues that were in his life and and was pretty unpleasant and they were try to patch it up and he said it took about three months but I started feeling better, but it was never about you feeling better now. It was never about you feeling better and I think that part of our journey is is human beings is that we're not going to feel better, but some these things when we see how we have wounded someone else that we care about someone else that has value, even if we don't care about. We still wounded. You know, we don't distantly know that maybe it was a week we will select these politicians on on the you come on the news and apologized to the masses, but they never even met the masses so they don't know me. They do not engage that kind of relationship they just got caught in something in the glutton say I'm sorry if anybody's feelings were hurt and talking about looking in the eyes of someone that you care about and said I was wrong. I really box this I got this wrong was careless. I was spotless.

I was rude. I was inconsiderate. I regret this deeply those of the kind of words that mean something with an apology, something I'd I on an aside, I think I need to make here is that there are times when someone is not going to want to hear our apology. They're not going to want anything else to do with us for the rest of their lives in any we need to respect that.

If that's the consequences of our actions. You know it. It does not solve us from doing what is right exactly make me talk about consequences of actions all the time and we were all about consequences for other people, was the open. We what we want justice for everyone else's mercy for ourselves. You know and and and it's about. It's about us becoming healthier individuals.

This show is all about healthy caregivers. Caregivers make better caregivers. Part of being healthy and individual is owning your own crap. Just honing it so you know what, I'm sorry to say better you get. Own your own stuff and realize that no you are not a victim. And no you are not a mortar. You have free agency to screw it up exactly do you and in this is and if that's it. It part of being a healthy individual is recognizing that we did in making amends to the best of our abilities or listen.

Go ahead, go it know I will get you your Jeffrey the three the three parts that I was talking about that you keep on hitting, but I just need put them in words. The first music acknowledgment you would you see how your actions negatively impacted another individual in the second part is remorse and empathy. You see that where you see that you be the first one you acknowledge that it did affect on the second one is that you acknowledge are you you have remorse for the negative ways in which it did affect them and you see how their their emotions are are affected negatively and the third one is restitution which is making amends and trying to do that and nowhere do I see in those three very easy things explaining oneself or trying to lessen one's own pain. The idea is to test the pain of another yes and that that is the growth of being a healthy human being and working to get into this the next segment because some of these things, you can go to the first they've either become so mentally disabled because of disease or affliction or they passed away when we do about how we make peace with those sorts of things and I live up to our responsibilities.

These are hard things to do is caregivers but I thought it was important thing to do for us is all in our journey as funerals were Hope for the caregiver. We'd love to have you be a part of the show with this 877877 that members 655-6755 and follow on a social media socially and I will be right back. Hey this is John Butler producer, hopefully caregiver and I have learned something that probably all know that Gracie, his wife lost her legs many many years ago and started a prosthetic limb outreach ministry called standing with hope and recently they ended up with a rather unique and unexpected partner, Peter had a conversation with Gracie and Nicholas Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach.

Did you ever think that inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic over in Nashville and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you have helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and arms everything when you see all this. What do you make me cry because I see the smiles on their faces and I know I know what it is to be locked someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out course, being in the hospital so much and so long and so that these men are so glad that they get to be doing as as one man said something good family with my hands. Did you know before you became an amputated parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled now had no idea and I thought Peg leg. I thought of wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex fate. The legs and all that. I never thought about that as you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people.

Now walk the providing the means for the supplies to get over there. What is it do to you. Just on the heart level. I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I could be able to go and say the this guy right here Denise go to Africa with us.

I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave.

I don't want to leave them. II feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with it what you think of the faith-based programs.

The core civic offers. I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prison out there should have faith-based programs like this because the return rate of the man that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one are. It is just an amazingly low rate compared to those who don't happen and I think that says so much that has anything to do with me just has something to do with God using somebody broken to help other broken people. If people want to donate or use prosthetic limbs, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well groomed. You've donated some of your own for the did have it, how they do that please go to standing with hope.com/recycle staining with hope.com/recycle excretion. Brian Peter Rosenberg is always John Butler is with the count of muddy disco and this that is Gracie from her new records as resilient and weak. If you want to get a copy of that love for you to do that good. Hope the caregiver.com you see the picture for album cover their resilient and click on see how to get that would love to send it to you and the man she could sing 877 if you will be part of the show 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 or talk about apologies were talking about learning to I love what you said that relationship maintenance. Yeah, that's part of it in and how many of you all just you know is is you listen to the podcast show you watching him socially. Whatever happened if you all have said something to someone is not the person necessarily that you're caring for the though that happens as well to but just in passing I mean somebody that was a unattended at a grocery store or you know of waitress or somebody was serving you.

Dinner you know a nurse or CNA at the hospital and you just bought your SuperDrive, you will route you as your new project for any of those.

Any those individuals and who were at the mercy of your frayed nerves and how many of you will have said something to that. You just cringed when you go back and think about how many of you have something to someone junior high school forgot years ago that you still remember, and you just rack your brain about once every couple of months like man I was such an idiot. If you that you got for preaching a bit now this is the journey we have and so how do you go back and make restitution for that or some type of amends or some type of of apology that means something and what we don't want to do is what we see prorated out every time you get some type of public figure.

Usually politicians are trying to spit it say that when you say things like, I'm I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt.

I'm sorry if you didn't understand me.

I'm sorry for some people who may have taken this the wrong way you know that, stuff it in that this stuff just is is so shallow and it's it it's it is so indicative of that person's character that the conditional apology where you're saying if over but I'm sorry, but what another good thing, something that you mentioned trying to avoid the word sorry to me earlier something else. I tried to avoid is what really MorningStar is the word, but because many times if you see somebody say, especially after the one the one word you'll never hear me say after this is but I will never have a sentence that goes. I love you but yet not happen.

Everything you can almost always discount everything before the but in the sentence as not important to the person who sang and that's roughing the think about just either just say if you're going to be feeling yeah yeah yeah if you go to be vulnerable and that's what this is all about is learning to be vulnerable.

If you going to be vulnerable, then you don't get to try to conduct orchestrated it have some type of escape clauses vulnerability means vulnerability and so if you say I love you. It's I love you. I sentence you, you can then and and if a lot of times if you speak in first person singular. It really helps to I love you. I'm struggling with something and I could use your help with. I need to wrestle with this and also your taking the onus off of them and putting it back on you because you're the one with the issue when it made a mistake and and cause you yeah yes and my genome person that takes that that that that is easily injured. That doesn't matter. You still did it do things with this don't talk about that. I got to touch on is that apologies need to be appropriate. Don't go way over the top and you don't go to flippant with that is very insightful is really insightful dose appropriate yet you you I think you, there's a point we start overselling it or underselling it and and and so again this is not just in the situation with your loved one, even though that is a catalyst for so many.

But sometimes your love one is not even able to have a meaningful relationship with you.

Some of us have that and some don't. I get that with a lot of my fellow caregivers and and they're not and you're going to have to judge the appropriateness of how your engaging with this individual and that's hard to do and then sometimes they've gone or there there there so far gone mentally that they cannot participate in the relationship. Number one, number two, they've they've passed away, and you still got these unresolved issues and those are hard things to do, but they need to be dealt with.

What is that look like and I had of someone gave us a spiel about this is a speech about this. This is one of the things that is sometimes often help helpful for people to do have a love on the go by, but they they know that they've they've they've grown. Now they could see that there wiser even though there's grass growing on the grave and and there's nowhere to take that wisdom to they should write down write down a list of all these things say it out loud, but your hand. Say what you want to save say what you feel about it. If you if you're if it causes you to cringe if it causes you to cry if you tear up with it. You don't whatever it isn't that's going on within your own heart result. You let that out. Put your hand on that list of things that you needed to say and then burn it and walk away because they're gone now it's gone.

You've dealt with it. You've owned it to the point is not whether not they come back running to embrace you. The point is, are you willing to step up and owned as a responsible adult. Your own behavior. If you're the type of person that can experience growth. That means that where you are today is somehow larger or better or more wise than you were a year ago or yesterday or whatever.

And that means that that person you were a year ago made more mistakes than you do today and if you're not willing to acknowledge that you're saying that's a really just part of the process of growth.

I don't know what to tell you because you tomorrow.

Your tomorrow I hope to be a better person than I am today. Which means today to get some stuff wrong and I I feel that I don't know I just want to emphasize the value of humility and a lot of this. I think I think it always comes in the humility yet recognizing your place in hell this is working in one of the axioms that we live by on the show that I have embraced wholeheartedly in my own life is that the goal is not to feel better. The goals to be better and I am not.

I recognize that I am not going to feel better about a lot of the things in my life that I have done and said, but cannot be better in it. What can I learn from this and can help him and hires yes you do, but but that can't be my goal for myself right and in the process I found other people though, come along and help me feel better but by purchasing the same type of things so that you will realize oh, the reward is not in me tried to make sure I feel better. The reward is for me to grow this process and then guess what life has this way of enhancing you see inexperience relationships in life and beauty all around you on a on a more vivid level than he would if you were just lumbering through this. Try to make yourself feel better. Yeah. Oh, I walked outside the other night and we had a live in Montana Southwest Montana had a big rainstorm, but we have the color big sky for recent and by the way, he really does live in Montana is not a myth that Montana is telling other people in California that it's far south of us to keep going on a career but I went up there and I saw a full rainbow that ended right up about the house. I could see it. It arced all the way over there. I did there was another rainbow on top of that, yet the double rate of the sky double ring out the full thing Indian. I could see both its it was so vividly beautiful that it it just catches you and I think the thing about one of things I've learned about being at here is that this place is so beautiful that I it I am struck by the beauty and I think that we start to appreciate that level of beauty more and more as we grow as human beings and learn to be vulnerable. Learn to slow down, learn to own our own things and not be in such a frantic race to feel better and if we can do that if we can read to divert all that kind of energy of try to make yourself feel better than we will experience better, something that right. It will take out hang with you on this with me hard left turn right and good humor, yet you member the movie did everybody buckle up as we know that they've got the Wii on the movie do your status right you remember when you member the, the good energizer writ which has as has been around sorry Paul put his hand in the box and it's what's in a box that a well right right but it's this weird thing either put your hand in the box and it's it's what's in the box pains in the box okay and it's this mind, because I have gnosis thing that she makes him believe that his hand is on fire rotting away and and the longer he keeps it in their but it turns out, is the more human, he is it's it's your but it is it is human to its it's a reaction to runaway from pain and the pain of what we have done to someone will affect us, but we need to of stared at her face so we can become better about that and this we can just not blindly run away from the pain I get it.

I truly get it that that is well said, because that we've been talking about pain now for couple weeks now and it it is it is our first instinct is to flee pain at all cost emotional to anything that makes us feel bad. We don't want to experience but that's not reality. And if we get embarrassed by something we did the first instinct we want to do is spend it and some will say were not at fault.

It was of us was made with submitting a focus painful being on the run from painful and yet I can tell you in 34 years as a caregiver and and the person holds the title for clearly the most of the you from the crash test W caregivers.

I forgot more mistakes most people go to make. I hold the title. You can't run from this. If you're going to grow as a human being at all. If you going to have any type of of sense of what sort of looking for John Smith, a wisdom you are just just with pleat a complete worldview yeah I think so, and in wisdom I think is the key. Is it wisdom doesn't come cheaply, wisdom does not come cheaply and and you can have a people that are very very intelligent and I see them I see them on the news and so forth. But they're not wise and intelligent, but they're not wise. Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit and wisdom is knowing that you don't put it in fruit salad hi to Chuck for words to live by rail and correct charisma, charisma is being able to sell tomato-based fruit salad.

You don't it in for us as caregivers. One of the highest pursuits we can do is wisdom because were dealing with something that is coming at us so fast so hard, so painful, so relentless and if we don't have wisdom and discernment on how to best deal with that. It's going to it's going to destroy us and part of that wisdom is learning how to own your own your own failures and looking in the face. Wisdom yeah and and and and and I if we don't do that will never go to learn and and we can keep repeating the same and I wanted I was swerving something, but I will make a point with it with the political a bit. That happened so I like what you're saying you know if if we don't if we do it if were not sitting in the pain of this and acknowledging the pain of what we did were going to make it all will that that wasn't painful. I guess I'm in a do it again next time because I did nobody ever nobody ever wipes her browser pressure learned that the easy way process and the you know but I remember it was it was 15 years ago this summer when Hurricane Katrina hit and it was bad was for those you watched it unfold and it was his pivotable moment when George W. Bush went down to Louisiana any standing there with Gov. Blanco.

The governor of Louisiana and Mayor Nagin, who ended up going to prison for all kinds of the fairies things she's passed away.

I don't think that there are a lot of people that would rush to the podium to say that Louisiana has been managed well over the years with the agile think there's a lot of people that would jump on that particular bandwagon.

But George Bush stood there and he said were going to jump in but he just basically jumped in. And yet if you just held back for 30 seconds and allow the failure of that political system to be exposed for what it was okay working to help in the absence of leadership you're working to help.

We need your patience and expose that failure for what it was elective, own it, how much different because who's labeled with the fault of Katrina, not the governor of Louisiana that the mayor of New Orleans.

President Bush get labeled with we go to repeat the same mistakes that we don't allow people to feel the sting of their failures and for me as a caregiver. I've got to feel the sting of my faith failures so that I will keep repeating the same stupid things I don't need to be rescued. I need to be to have it revealed. This Peter Rosenberg to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for the


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