The lovely Gracious, gentle. Submission. Of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has. It's not what she says. It is what she is.
Welcome to Grace to You, the Bible teaching ministry of John MacArthur. I'm your host, Phil Johnson. If you're a Christian and your spouse is not, What is the most effective way to evangelize him or her? Is there anything you can say or anything you can do that will cause them to turn to Christ? John MacArthur answers those questions as he continues his series here on Grace to You titled Restoring Marriage.
He'll look at concepts that aren't very popular today, things like submission, meekness, modesty, and he'll show you how these characteristics can not only bless your marriage, but can even draw your unbelieving spouse to Christ.
Now here's John with today's lesson. The lovely Gracious. Gentle. Submission. Of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has.
It's not what she says. It is what she is. The woman is to submit to her husband's leadership. That is a God-designed principle. Wives, submit to your husbands.
Ephesians 5:22. Wives, submit to your husbands, in each case, your own husband. Colossians 3.18. The same thing comes from Paul in Titus 2, 4 and 5. Young women Are to be subject to their own husbands.
Again, that possessive pronoun is there every time such a statement is made. The woman is to submit to the husband's leadership. This is her greatest tool of evangelism. The virtue of her wifely character. You might be interested to note too that this contributes to the happy marriage.
Obviously, the Bible wouldn't advocate it if it didn't. I was interested in reading a McGill University Department of Psychiatry report. McGill University is a great Canadian university in the city of Montreal. And in the report from the psychiatry department of McGill, it says this, in the most successful marriages, the husband is emotionally stronger than the wife. and there is a clear-cut division of authority and responsibility between them.
It was noted that marriages in which wives were emotionally dependent on their husbands almost always produced happier, better-adjusted children. End quote. Obviously, that's true because that's consistent with God's design. The first duty of the wife then is submission. To put it another way, voluntary selflessness and dependence.
There's a second responsibility in verse 2. Let's call this faithfulness. Number one is Submission. Number two is faithfulness. Verse 2 says, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Now, that's a very basic spiritual truth for a marriage. He's talking here about a pure life. What does chaste and respectful behavior mean?
Well, it basically means irreproachable conduct. Faithful to her God. faithful to her husband. Don't break trust. You want to win your unsaved husband?
One, be submissive. Two, be faithful. That's what chaste, respectful behavior means. Chaste means pure, it means you're not fooling around with anybody else. It means you're pure.
Respectful, it means you have respect for him. You demonstrate that respect. You never get involved with anyone else. and you show him proper respect. The third principle comes in verses 3 through 6.
And it is modesty. You have submission, and its intention, which is to bring him to Christ. You have faithfulness. In verse 2, And then you have modesty. Please notice verse 3, 4, 5, and 6.
In verse 3 it says, Let not your adornment be merely external. Braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.
Now, he comes to a very important matter for the Christian wife trying to win her unsaved husband. He says look The normal And I want to say this knowing there's a risk involved. The normal preoccupation of women is with the outside. And I think we would all agree with that. Certainly in our society.
The normal preoccupation of women is with the outside. Adornment. He says Let not your adornment be merely external. You say, is he against Combing hair? I don't think so.
I don't think so. You say, is he against wearing gold jewelry? I don't think so. I don't think he's against that. After all, the beautiful woman, the bride in Song of Solomon, was bejeweled.
and wonderfully so. Is he against putting on dresses? No, I don't think so. What he is saying is, let not that be your incessant preoccupation to the disregard of the character inside. Boy, they got really carried away, and I don't have time to give you all the insight, but in the Greek and Roman world, there was an immense preoccupation with the outside.
Cosmetics were big. You ever seen the punk rockers with the purple hair and the green hair and all that? Nothing new. They had it in Greece. In the Roman time, women dyed their hair purple and they dyed their hair red and green and yellow and all kinds of colors.
They waived it. They braided it elaborately. They piled it higher and higher and higher and higher in one of those beehive things. But they wore wigs? And they were especially fond of Wigs made of blonde hair taken from People outside of their particular part of the world.
They wore hairbands, they wore pins, they wore combs, they wore ivory tortoiseshell jewelry in their hair. They wore gold and pearls, silk, and scents, and emeralds and diamonds and all of that kind of stuff. They really laid it on. It wasn't any different than the fashion plate mentality of today. People literally tied fortunes up in their Clothing, and since they were pretty well decked from neck to feet in a garment, most of it showed up on their face and their head.
Where it could be seen, and where their wealth and their Pride. could manifest itself most visibly. This isn't anything new. Listen to the Lord's indictment of Israel in Isaiah 3. Listen to this.
In that day, verse 18, the Lord will take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans, and veils.
Now it will come about that instead of sweet perfume there will be a putrefaction, instead of a belt a rope, instead of well-set hair a plucked-out scalp, instead of fine clothes a donning of sackcloth and branding instead of beauty. Pretty straightforward stuff, right? Women have always tended, fallen women, to be preoccupied with the outside. But that's not the true beauty. And I'll promise you, ladies, that external beauty does not capture the heart of your husband.
If there's nothing on the inside. Peter doesn't condemn all outward adornment, but what does he say? Verse 4. Let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart. That's where the true beauty is.
When you got married, it wasn't long before you really weren't too conscious of what. She looked like, but you became very conscious of what she was like. Inside That's the true beauty. Christianity has always existed in a world of luxury and a world of decadence. And Peter says, Don't you spend your time and money adorning your body?
And you know, that's a temptation. Here's a woman, she's got an unsaved husband, she doesn't have much of a happy relationship with him, and so she simply turns the other direction and spends her life indulging herself to make her external beauty. all that it could possibly be and more. Peter says, don't do that. That's not how you win him to Christ.
If you're gonna Be preoccupied. Let it be the hidden person of the heart. What do you mean? I mean the inner person. The inner person.
Character. Virtue. 1 Timothy 2:9, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing. Mm that is uh They ought to be clothed in a modest way. Modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works as befits women making a claim to godliness.
1 Timothy 2, 9 and 10. Work on the virtue of your life. Work on your character. That'll make you far more beautiful. By the way.
The most beautiful women on the inside tend to be very beautiful on the outside. Have you noticed? Have you ever noticed how Makeup can't change an ugly disposition. And have you noticed how makeup can't enhance a beautiful disposition? What is it that we are to do in adorning the inner person.
Look again at verse 4. You are to adorn the inner person with the imperishable quality. of a gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle. means meek.
Quiet means just that. Peaceful. Come. In control. The word spirit means disposition.
The most beautiful kind of woman. Is the woman where the meek? Gentle. Peaceful. Come quiet disposition.
That is the inner virtue that a woman is to pursue. And that is what wins the heart of a man. Not only that. Would you please notice it is precious in the sight of whom? It is highly valued by God.
Now again, he's not forbidding all outward adornment. He is saying that you must work on the inside. Don't confuse spirituality with tackiness. or slappiness. That too calls attention to the outside and betrays a heart unconcerned to reflect the beauty that God has given to a woman.
But the fact is, you're to be modest. and to work on the inside. Look at verse 5. He gives an illustration. In this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.
being submissive to their own husbands. Who are the holy women, Old Testament saints? They hoped in God. What does that mean? That they were true believers.
He says, I'm not telling you anything new, but in Old Testament times, those women set apart unto God who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. In what way? Submissiveness. to their husbands. That's the proper adornment.
They're the models to follow. I think about that. When I Think about all of the magazines. Patricia and I were walking through a market the other night, and I walked by the magazine rack, and I saw all these magazines. She commented on it.
All these magazines with women on the front of them. I can't even tell you the names of them. I remember self was one of them. Mademoiselle was another one. And something woman, and something woman, and this woman, and whatever.
And every one, I didn't see the picture of a man on any magazine. Every one of them had a picture of a woman. And we call those women models, don't we? Models of what? For mercy's sakes.
Models of virtue? No. Models of character? No. Models of purity?
No. Models of inner beauty? No. Models of modesty? No.
Models of submissiveness? No. Models of what? They're mannequins. Whatever there is is hanging on the outside and there's nothing on the inside.
that you'd want to follow. in most cases.
So if you want a model Don't buy Mademoiselle. Get your Bible. and look for the holy women. who are submissive to their own husbands. They are the models.
that you are to pattern your life after. And he names one in verse six: Sarah. Sarah is a model. She's a model. that you ought to look like.
She's a model that you ought to pattern your life after why she obeyed Abraham. She's a model of obedience. She called him Lord. That wouldn't be real popular today. Yes, Lord.
What do you want? You see how far you women have drifted? It's um it's biblical. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Master.
She's the model. By the way, calling him is in the present participle, the present tense. Constantly calling him Lord, constantly in submission to him. But why does he choose Sarah here? Because of the next statement.
You have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. He knows that if you're a believer, you're a child of Abraham by faith, right? You remember that, don't you? Very clearly outlined in Romans 4, 11, and 12, in Galatians 3: we are the children of Abraham by faith. And so he's just kind of tagging onto that and saying, you not only will be the children of Abraham by faith, but you'll be the children of Sarah, Abraham's wife, by following her.
So he's saying Christian women who follow the pattern of Sarah can be called Sarah's children as well as Abraham's children. You're not only children of faith, but you're children of submission. You not only follow the faith of Abraham, but the submission of Sarah. If you do what is right. That's what he says in verse 6.
If you do what is right. Without being frightened by any fear. What do you think that means? Intimidated. I believe every single society since the fall has tried to intimidate a woman who wanted to be submissive to her husband.
I don't think that's new. There are fears in being submissive. Potential fears. If you're a Christian wife, and you had an unsaved husband, you might be afraid to totally submit. for fear of where it might lead you.
into what sin it might Result. You have to stop short of that. But Peter says, don't be intimidated. Don't be frightened. Don't be fearful.
Just do what's right. And what is right is to submit to your husband. That's the principle. It's the principle of submission. It's the principle of purity.
It's the principle of modesty. That's how you win your husband without a word. You want to win that unsafe spouse? Be submissive. Follow the beautiful pattern of Sarah.
Calling him Lord, doing what is right. Be pure and faithful to him. In the physical and the emotional area. Be modest. Decorate the inner beauty that may manifest itself on the outside, and don't get preoccupied with trying to fix the outside.
When the inside isn't what it ought to be. That's how you live. as an alien and a stranger. in a marriage. With the hope of influencing your husband for Christ.
Finally, verse 7. Turn the tables. How does a husband win an unsaved wife? That's less frequent, but does happen. You husbands likewise.
What do you mean, likewise, Peter? You submit too. There's a submission on our part. Go back and read Ephesians 5.21. Submit yourselves to one another.
Wives to the husbands, husbands to the wife. We don't submit to the authority of the wife, we don't submit to the leadership of the wife, to the headship of the wife, but we do submit, listen to this, to the needs of the wife. We subordinate our own little world and our own little agenda to meet the needs of the woman who is our wife, even if she's not a Christian. Verse 7 says, you husbands likewise. You have to submit just like the wife, just like the employee, just like the citizen.
He's talking to Christian husbands, you husbands. It means he's writing to those scattered believers, you are the Christians. And you've got to take care of your wife. By the way, in that culture, a man could just. kill his wife, as I pointed out.
Cato, according to Roman law, says: if you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her without a trial, but if she was to catch you, she wouldn't venture to touch you with her finger. She has no such right.
So you could just kill your wife if you wanted to get rid of her. But what is the responsibility of a Christian husband when he has an unsaved wife? Should he bolt the situation and say, I'm going to find me a Christian girl? You're out of here. What should be his attitude?
Three things. Number one, very briefly, consideration. Live with your wives in an understanding way. Present tense, constantly be continuing to live with your wife. In an understanding, that's gnosis again, that's knowledge.
Deep experiential knowledge. What do you mean? Sensitive to her needs? sensitive to her feelings. And I believe it includes the sexual aspect as well.
It includes intimacy. Because knowing someone means having an intimate relationship. Remember that? Cain knew his wife and she bore a child? You are to live with your wife in the most intimate way possible, sexually, emotionally.
That doesn't change. Live is the word sunoiken. It means to be together with someone in the house, stay intimate, stay close. By the way, that same word, senoikin, is used in the Septuagint for intercourse.
So he is definitely talking with sexual overtones. You are to live with your wife in a deeply intimate way. Don't cut yourself off from her deepest physical, emotional needs just because she's not a Christian. You fulfill that dimension. Far from abusing her or ignoring her or being indifferent to her, you are to be sacrificially sensitive to that unsaved woman.
You ought to be thoughtful. You ought to be respectful. That would frankly be Kind of a revolutionary thing in that culture. For a man to become a Christian and then all of a sudden become totally respectful and sensitive and feeling toward his. His wife, who didn't want anything to do with Christ, would really be.
Cross grain. But that's exactly what it says. You are to nourish her in the words of Ephesians 5, cherish her. Protect her. Insulate her.
Maintain that deep, deep, sensitive intimacy. Secondly, Secondly, Not only is there to be consideration, but there is to be chivalry. That's a good old word, isn't it? What does it say in verse 7? You have to live with her as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman.
She's a weaker vessel. What do you mean by that?
Well, first of all, weaker is a comparative. What's it compared to? Weak.
So just keep that in mind. She's weaker, but you're what? Weak.
So don't get, you know, over confident about your great abilities. You're weak, she's weaker. What does it refer to? Physical, emotional, natural weakness. A woman is physically weaker.
She must be protected. She must be provided for. She must be nourished. She must be cherished.
So, husbands, you have an unsaved wife. Maintain deep intimacy with her. Sensitivity to all of our needs. And understand that she needs your protection. She needs your provision.
Third word. Companionship. Consideration Chivalry. Companionship. I love this.
Grant her honor. As a fellow heir. of the grace of life. What's the grace of life? It's not eternal life.
It's not saving grace. Grace simply means a gift. What's the best gift that life has to offer? Marriage. That's God's Grace gift to everybody.
Your heirs together. That's a very important statement. He's not speaking spiritually here, he's speaking maritally. We know he's talking about an unsaved wife because he says you husbands likewise and he ties it into 3-1 where you've got a Christian in an unsaved environment, 2-18 where you have a Christian in an unsaved environment, 2-12 and 13 where you have a Christian in an unsaved environment.
So he is saying, Look, you must live with her as a fellow heir of the grace of life, cultivate companionship. Friendship. Respect her as heirs together of the grace of life, the best that life has to offer, the tapping. on life. This calls for fellowship.
Partnership? Friendship? companionship, communion. That too is foreign and Peter's day, women were not allowed to at all associate as friends, even of their own husbands. They were at best.
to clean the house and bear children.
So he says, husbands, do that. And if you are not considerate, And if you are not chivalrous, And if you are not a companion, look at the end of verse 7. Your prayers will be what? Hindered. What do you think he's praying for?
He's praying for what? the salvation of his wife. But that prayer is going to be hindered. if he is not treating her in this way. with deep intimacy.
with great protection. Provision. and with friendship. Companionship. Then his prayers.
won't be hindered.
So how do you win? An unsaved partner. by living an exemplary Christian life. Just that simple. Just that simple.
Whether you're in the government Seeing yourself as a citizen. on the job as an employee. In the home, as a marriage partner. The role is always the same. You submit to God's ordained pattern for that social relationship, and you live it out to the maximum.
to please God. And God will honor you. as a testimony. wherever you are. Let's bow together in prayer.
Lord, thank you for such straightforward and encouraging advice. and truth. Bless those wives. who have unsaved husbands, make them all that you want them to be. Bless those husbands that have unsaved wives.
Make them all that a husband should be. in order that they might win that partner. in order that their prayers for the salvation of their mate might not be hindered. For Jesus' sake. Amen.
You're listening to Grace to You, the Bible teaching ministry of John MacArthur. Today's lesson on how to win your unbelieving spouse to Christ is part of John's series titled Restoring Marriage.
Well, friend, today John looked at some challenging truths concerning God's plan for marriage, and perhaps you have questions regarding what Scripture says about this sacred institution. To help answer your questions, I'd like to recommend John's book called Divine Design. This book thoughtfully digs into the unique God-designed roles for men and women in the home and in the church. It's a great resource for husbands and wives to read together. The title again, Divine Design.
Order your copy or order a few copies to give away to loved ones when you get in touch with us today. You can call us at 800-55 GRACE or go to our website gty.org. Divine Design clears away the cultural misconceptions around God's design for men and women, and it shows you how following the Biblical guidelines leads to blessing in your home and in your church. The cost for Divine Design is $10.50, and shipping is free. Again, to order, call 8005 GRACE or visit our website, gty.org.
Keep in mind, John's current study is an excellent audio complement to the Divine Design book. To review the messages from John's Restoring Marriage series, go to gty.org and download all four MP3s. Transcripts for those messages are also available for free. And of course, you can download any of John's sermons, more than 3,600 messages, all free of charge. The Sermon Archive and much more is available anytime at gty.org.
Now for the entire Grace to U staff, I'm Phil Johnson. Thanks for making this broadcast part of your day. Join us again tomorrow as John MacArthur clears away the clutter and gives you a clear picture of God's perfect design for marriage. Important stuff, so don't miss the next half hour of unleashing God's truth one verse at a time. on Race to You.
