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Making Virtues a Daily Part of Your Family Life (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly
The Truth Network Radio
July 14, 2021 6:00 am

Making Virtues a Daily Part of Your Family Life (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly

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July 14, 2021 6:00 am

In a discussion based on her book "In This House, We Will Giggle," Courtney DeFeo offers practical suggestions for fun and effective ways parents can instill important values in their children, such as forgiveness, perseverance, respect, humility, and more. (Part 1 of 2)

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Good parents aren't perfect and that's okay but there are ways you can grow every day. Focus on the Family seven traits of effective parenting assessment gives parents an honest look at their unique strings plus some areas that could use a little help every mom and dad can help raise the next generation of healthy children and responsible children in this assessment will help get you started. Take the assessment of traits that's trade and to work back. I got my chore off her plate your plate completely thought out the money. We appreciate your work is really wonderful ideas for recording to fail about how you can instill godly character and faith in your children and she's our guest today on Focus on the Family with focus president Dr. Jim Daly and I John John Courtney is so much fun and I really appreciate her joy and passion and as you'll hear, she's all. And as a mom now we know the parenting, especially when kids are young and more dependent can be exhausting, but Courtney's got some great ideas that I think will inspire you and she's addressing one of the top concerns we hear about from so many parents how to effectively pass on your faith to your kids yet. That's something a lot of parents just don't feel equipped to do very well, or they're afraid you're going to mess up their children or family devotions work model for them as they were growing up so they don't even really know where to start and that's why were coming back to a classic conversation. We recorded with Courtney just a few years ago. She outlined some great strategies in family activities where your children can learn about perseverance, forgiveness, humility and service all the things they need to become rooted in their faith. From a young age. Here at Focus on the Family we want to equip you to be the best mom or dad you can be for your children, and I urge you to contact us about Courtney's book and other wonderful resources we have for your parenting journey. We have the delightful book that Courtney is written. It's in this house we will giggle making virtues, love and laughter.

A daily part of your family life and you can order your copy by calling 800 K and the word family or check the episode notes to learn more and Jim, here's how you began the conversation with Courtney to fail on today's episode of Focus on the Family. You know you share a lot about parenting and your inability early on to your kids or how old yet bringing on expert just what I would caught me with it is your self reflection in your ability to see the weaknesses in your parenting early because your discoveries will mention a minute and your turn. Your pivot is apparent is really early in your parenting and I applaud you for that is a lot of people don't realize until their kids are 15, 16, and they're trying to deal with the mess that they help create in their kids and so talk about what you are like a few years ago before the Lord really got to your heart. What kind of parent were you then yeah passionate go for an intense kind of girl. I mean just always go get our striver and I think when I got those girls in my arms.

It was just such intense live in such intense passion that I don't have to set not apparent yet.

Just you know they want to let their kids a lot and they want their faith to be passed down to the serious topic I don't make light of that, their faith in our faith. Our kids series that most like I want them in heaven with you how we do it is where the ship happened for me as I started making a lesson during their baby dedication asked our church. We were in Atlanta at the time I was back at church masses to make a list of some values that we wanted to pass down and make real to them make their faith rails.

We made this list of values as I thought about how I wanted them to understand faith was real, and how one of these values to actually come to life in our home was when I started noticing the play out because right now I'm kind of lecturing are. I'm feeling this great that's all up to me and that's not going to go well, you're saying a diverse type kids, we got to read the word and you're not getting the patient hear about not doing letting things and rising myself line letting that with an example. Do they have meeting the match on any of us, and now turning 40 this year and if you look at my book and the 12 arches that are in their work to do on all of them so I really haven't time of assessments and Lord I want this so bad for my kids. I want them to know that he's real back how I do it anyway that they don't want to run for the hills.

How do you relax. There was a mom because it's messy realizing that when you mess up that they get it sometimes, and that when you let down when I got actually work in them and you stop trying to be Jesus, and you let God.

We show them Jesus was a real turning point for me@can't I operate in parent in a way that I'm trying to show them Jesus and not be Jesus.

That's a really different shaft, but I will tell you that it definitely release some of the pressure and I think for me and I get gripped with comparison. I get greater the pressure, performing and S also get gripped that struggle, control, and when I think it's all up to me and it's up to me. If they're going to be a good Christian Cantor turn out to be a pastor go back to that dictating form, but when I start unpeeled my fingertips and say let me show them Jesus and let me have them do experiences and let them rest stop and let them get back up again.

Then I can let go of that market. According to the pressure because I'm thinking of the mom know what a particular I'm thinking of the mom that struggles because they're much more comfortable with control. You know they do fear bad outcome. It's a tough culture that their kids are growing up in school with her in public school we got a lot of bad messaging to deal with when they come home and unpack what they learned in biology class or whatever class sex education so how do you define a good control from a bad control. Everything has a scale and life and I would just for me is moderation.

So it's like I you and I got my Jeannie hanging on before and her whole message is fantastic on grace and so I would encourage annulus or to go back and listen to that operating from an assumption that you Artie laughed and Artie forgiven. Are we ready now so I will go back and listen to that as a starting point from all of this to give you another practical and hopefully this will help answer your question early in my ministry are. It's a blog I started writing and producing a product about ABC Scripture cards and so many got the message that I would have a good Christian kid Scripture memory, and I will check the box in my kids will be get it.

They memorize all the Scripture and prove they will know what to do at school and they will just perform and had the great Christian behavior so I had this kind of do a mindset shift with my kids and other kids think the purpose of the purpose is said that when we get the situation. Mine came home and said someone was mean to me at school and I say what's the converse and I say keep your tongue from evil, so we have a filter on what to operate through life were still teaching them to say hey when I cannot talk back to that person or not to use unkind words back even when someone's ugly deal school so it's not Goldstar.

Check it off the last year. Great question because you know all these is how do we let God's word and trade move through us in parenting so that their learning the right things and learning know what to do and what's wise in the right and wrong that were not using it as a filter for you look like and walk like a good kid.

Now do that and don't mess now don't sound. I don't… I mean all roles yeah you know created these virtue cards that talk about the what of the virtue cards yet when we saw the success of the ABC Scripture cards. This became a tool that could stay out and parents would not have any versus top of mind. So when I bumped up against the situation and my kids were scared at night and didn't know what to tell them. And so H became. He cares for you and you don't have to be afraid at night because he cares about you being afraid said those were such a success is moms having a tool that was really easy for kids to memorize Scriptures and moms to that. We got press for about four years on what can be next and set as the book came out with a 12 Archie's virtue cards are a very easy step to say here are not only deferred the 12 arches in the cars here are 25 double Cove Archies and there just conversation starters. There's that easy kid friendly definition so patients would be waiting with a happy heart. Here's how your kids can understand a big wired and little kid terms, and there's a corresponding verse that goes with what I like about it is it's one virtue per month.

You have 12 versions of the book the outline of the virtue cards with a quarterly and that's an easy way for you and your children to concentrate on one thing a month which is great for kids of any age alive right now sure you're working a lot control would be why faith is one that I think for me I always have a list of things I want to work on and I'm really hard on myself. I think about our kids.

We are always aware of where their failing. It's overwhelming for them to say you have self-control and you need to love and she'd be a better sister but what if, as a family we were just to lay down the 2200 things we want to do better and say right this month in February because it's Valentines word just focus on letting each other better and what Thanksgiving naturally.

The calendar has gratitude which is delightful and we stopped picking on everything especially I love boys specially for boys there like 12 things I want to the door.

I don't even know what you said. You likely focus on one mom so kind, majoring on major things not nitpicking each other to coordinate videos or guest on this episode of focus family sharing parenting insights from book in this house we will giggle making virtues, love and laughter. A daily part of your family life. We have copies of that here when you call 800 K in the word family or learn more in the episode notes go back now to our conversation with Courtney to fail on Focus on the Family coordinate when I look at the virtues of even in Scripture it says the greatest of these is love. So let's talk about that one.

Right now the virtue of love. How do you have you transmit that to your children who are normally self-centered and the word about where the nut mom cook the right sandwich for lunch.

Yet your house that I find the hardest people to love are the ones I said this to me that I found was some understanding.

I knew you were still happy. Monsters are on the way to church is better than little no disagreement and the phone rings and your spouse and said hello back to exactly each month in the back. You'll find that I talk a little bit about the virtue and I give people what I call family fun activity and said there may be questions around the dinner table said this was called love them and the challenges for the month of February. Are you can pick any man can you love the ones that your wetness through random acts of kindness just like we would do for generosity. In December we will go sneak out in the community and let people if our garbage collector. So what about rain and Mexicans in our own how can we sneak and do dads work back and can we leave him nuts and candy and Justin were thinking of you all are you now can we get them on and take a chore off her plate to just say we notice that your plate is completely full. So the kids and I unloaded the dishwasher feeling left and had to send love you. We appreciate your work is just teaching them habits and being intentional and showing that love is a choice and that we really do love the people.

Since settling the sibling.

This is interesting you may have them say we want to get her pet care. We want you to make her better his bed and not your favorite thing to do but that love to your sister that is great but how do you actually get that now I have to let you be there.

I'd yet you can get them a lot of times I give them a question, and one time I'll give you a story.

Larson was maybe sex. I think I not my ideas and I but this is not correction and discipline. This isn't long hat don't run in the street. This is not like safety stop this is to me to. I want this is great icing. So get in trouble if they don't do that. This is just in the morning. I am a question and I think the challenge was okay at some point today.

Girls honestly can you make mom's job easier. At some point today.

I asked the question one time and I let it go. No one was gonna be in trouble.

I wasn't falling back up. I just gave them the challenge in the morning and then later that day. Couldn't find some paperwork. Where is the paperwork and I'm stomping around and look in and in a sheepish little Larson came up with mom look under your desk.

I cleaned up your test today and sorted your papers and thought how cute I totally forgot about not by my favorite girl.

I asked one question and then her heart, she thought, I can help mom by cleaning up her desk so I think a good reminder for us that on some of the things are and mandate going on in trouble you put back in their court and see what will prick their heart to show mom and dad love her and her sister, but I think Jim and I are both wondering this about what you're talking about so I make the suggestion to my teenage son.

He says so what daughter you sons are a little different. You have to believe in them there sweeter than they actually wake up thinking.

How do I irritate my older so… How do I love my older sampling.

So, what suggestions even sitting with them and on. This is a great practice for them to be a husband someday and I would bust out the love languages and say another is love languages for kids and this is great conversation for you and your sons to say I know what feels loving to you is a huge meal and a couch and a nap or whatever they love to do that makes him to love the thinking about the other person and getting them already mindset the chef is I know what the next two hours look like for you but we gotta you and I together. Let's think about what we can do for mom and you may just call men and say I need your help on this.

If they're not going to do it on their own. Maybe call the men to help think this is an age limit thing and I'm deftly a girl mom but I've seen plenty of boys stepping tender things.

One thing that strikes me is that children learn to walk by what they see their parents doing so I would think you are big on the parents actually modeling this as well. You can just tell your kids to do it absolutely yeah absolutely they only have these Settee that we talk about this mealtime question that had questions and they always love to hear their dad can say I've never asked them what you know what is happiness what is love and his answers there always kind of glade to what he's gonna say so I think it is important for parents to not just say you know where you're the only ones are learning how to be loving were always looking for ways to get better and I think it's really all of these every virtue that will go through on the show today. It is critical that were walking the talk and that they see me mess up that will go back to them and say hey what mom did this morning. I know that it make you feel loved and so I'm sorry about that. You also talk about another virtue, which is a good one. Forgiveness yeah that could be hard to model especially for parent yet doesn't see anything wrong with the way I'm parroting you. Yes, I tell you that this is probably one of the hardest ones it's best friend or cousin is humility and it takes a lot of humility to step up and teach forgiveness and model that Howard has seen the player with your children to be what if you don't have to grow.

One of the things I've seen is that it's getting them past the point of I'm sorry no it's not just the shallow. I'm sorry because they will say I'm sorry and my most everyone will even to say on some funds she can even get out the word.

I'm sorry, sounds like I'm hungry to young kids sort of samsara in the storm off and so it takes a moment to say your sister still heard about. I need you to come back and you know I stole some now think every person should in counseling and so I stole this from my counselor and she said, can they actually go through these motions that I'm sorry. When I blank I know you must have felt blank, will you forgive me for blank might have them going through every time that some of these big ones can really hurt. They need to take ownership and we talk about their piece of the pie you know they'll come to me, they will. She will send you go back to insight.

Now I don't hear you know her part. I want to hear what you did. What part do you need say I'm sorry for and let's talk about that and she must've felt embarrassed when you did that go back and apologize and asked for forgiveness and I may not be ready and we can time you know that they're so mad for a day. We don't need to say you need to be happy and hung out right now to give him a day to make sure I'm sorry. I'm sorry. When I hit you. I must've felt embarrassed early in whatever they're feeling is, will you forgive me for whatever and I've had to use that as an adult with some friends and go back and validate that you know even if you didn't mean to, or even if it wasn't intentional because they said that all the time. I didn't mean it wasn't fair.

You have all these reasons, and so I think that is a key point for forgiveness is modeling it major for us as parents and then I'm just getting past that shallow. I'm sorry. How do you plan an activity room because I know the book talks about the operating activity that reinforces the 12 virtues that your you're trying to teach the kids. So how would you connect an activity to forget this lines up with that forgiveness being so important during the month of Easter and so we made a cross and this can come in handy for boys like to hammer and rip things down out of nature.

So if you find to step you can make across and what I think this is just a visual tradition and obviously after this first year though get it, but after you make across and need to bring two sticks and out together over time throughout the month leading up to Easter you have them nail up attack individual and I'm not talking specifics. And so it can't be Trent, when you disrespected dad last night over ice cream nail into the rock. More like hitting one another saying unkind words and more generic sense like the word and I just put these up on the cross and not specific to a child so there not change how did you know I get out and what's cool is the morning of Easter. Those sins come down and you can cover the cross with flowers such a cool reminder in my kids them done it for a few years now, and there may know now what's gonna happen, but still such a reminder of what is happened at the cross and that there wiped clean and so we just love that and that it's interesting what sense, have their heart and there they're quick to point it out to their own first were the others that others first, then I might waylay your own heart about what things there that we could probably squeeze another one before we move on perseverance.

That's when I will drop this first thing you know the definition is we can do so many ways. Investment working hard and never giving up came in a moment or L is doing the rainbow government that craves their little tiny rubber bands only these bracelets and she's watching these videos.

I was so annoyed and she would work work work work work and I would bust up and and I wanted to basically say give up vacuuming them. Yes, she would watch it for like an hour and then it would bust open and should watch it again L, i.e. having incredible perseverance.

I would've been done by now and so I said that your definition is working hard and never giving up. And so this is just been a thing that I've watch myself when I'm like wanting to give up on a sport that saying we gotta make it to the season because we committed to this rent to persevere because it builds character in them you have to do that every time thinks I am feeling guilty give you the example.

So when Trent was like five sign them up for two people. We get out there so for 430 kids in the field and the ball was hit in all 30 with friend of the right field corner. The ball was in turn was, standing there. He wasn't into it at all and he said that, can we believe about is like. I think this is one of those moments. If I don't want them to hate baseball, probably so yeah we can go it's not you're not ready. So I did visual to kids, but I think he now and is moments where they signed up and they begged for it, and the like thinking and typically my kid. They like it. Once they get in there. I now just say I know that you're tired or you just need to snag and you can do this, you know, this just is not to say keep going. It is because my Tivoli are like if it's a little bit of work and and I rather not do that but one of the activities I want to type out because I've really done some work in preparing for this. Cannot tell your names for family Olympics.

Oh yeah okay family Olympics.

Are you ready okay so the activity for perseverance is a bit silly see.

Gotta pace yourself a family Olympics, and we really started this just of the group of families to be fine and I am been a challenge you to.

I think it's the Fullers versus the dailies family Olympics and we have Olympics, Ryan daily as we just by sheer numbers. We should be. I'm actually feeling like you went to the potential names and IBM ricin hat I noticed those rib were the Sentinel. If your family has to pick a team collar and a team name and then you have to have some banners and just bring up the team spirit will take a photo and put it online.

I'll actually fly back out and be like the referee set of photos. You can be the fuller flowers okay really inspiring.

Put your hat on.

Here's a firearm except running ideas is the fuller. I like that I was packing this forward… It looks like flowers but were colored flames of fire flames of fire sunflower: flamingos flame the fuller fury of the fuller force. Those are both good. Oh well, we could we could have a play on words were on pop culture: fuller force 50 daily diners. The daily dynasty. This is jealous. I'm not only shocking because this is a very spiritual place here daily.

Devils were not going. I daily Dragon's I like it.

The daily dynamite okay daily divas probably daily. Diners are very fair so you make your team and then you may Just ridiculous games. Okay, they could be like minute to minute. So one year we did the mom had to spend streamers as fast as we could until they were unraveled balloons Loveland you can do the guys do horse in basketball or you do like a water bucket race with the kids. They have to empty their buckets waters passes can exhaustively hysterical and then you can do you lay on the ground of the grass and see how long you get across the field and backs you would deftly when you got enough people to get them back.

Sorry I'll I'll bring something more teams in the fuller venue offering you my telemarketer extremely fast. But here's the deal. What you will see as we joke that people get very competitive and they'll be full on tears on kids could start crying because there they're objecting to points in the like all my water and this is not fair and so it's a silly moment to say keep going.

This is just a fun family activity and we really have had some interesting family debacles and friendships go on is down. It sounds like one of our camping hikes were a mile or two on the betrayal in their meltdowns.

Just coax the kids along as we go. So what you're saying is invite opportunities to be disappointed because later the stakes are higher. They're going to get on the soccer field and persevere there. Cannot have a disability, or there's something major and like you say, this hard-working guy do it younger and more fun playful environments where the talks are as stressed will show them this is an example.

We persevered and we made good I like it will find the schedule, but if your goal will football well we're obviously having fun with Courtney to fail as a guest during this episode of Focus on the Family and we certainly hope you'll join us for part two of the conversation next time. Joe, what we heard today was just a sampling of the fun ideas and activities. The court is provided in her great book in this house we will giggle.

I love the title.

By the way, and that's really the bottom line message here.

How can you help your kids grow and develop as godly followers of Christ in ways that will capture their joy and enthusiasm because of all we do is focus on the rules, the do's and don'ts that quickly becomes a turnoff for children. Your kids need to see the power of God working in your life which will encourage them to live the same way themselves here Focus on the Family we want to help you with that process.

Every year we promote bring your Bible to school day in October and now we have our lives. It challenges every month with a new challenge to help your children establish and strengthen their faith throughout the year. These are some great challenges for your entire family and I want to urge you to check it out at our website find all the details about the liver challenges and Courtney's book in this house we will giggle details are in the episode notes or call one 800 K in the word family. And when you get in touch invite you to support this family outreach the resources we mentioned in this broadcast websites all cost money and were looking for monthly partners like you who will support and strengthen today's families, you know, according to our research, we've been able to equip more than 700,000 parents as they raise children in loving and God honoring families and you can be a part of that ministry working together imagine how many more families we can impact for Christ. So please consider a monthly Focus on the Family love to hear from you monthly pledge is possible right now. One time gift also makes a big difference in return for your generosity will send a copy of his book is her way of saying thank you for joining the support again number 800 K in the word family donates the link in the episode behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for this episode of Focus on the Family on John Fuller inviting you back once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Build your child's faith with clubhouse junior and clubhouse magazines from Focus on the Family boys and girls ages 3 to 12 will enjoy all the faith building activities from fun crafts and puzzles to character building fiction and powerful Bible stories invest in your child's faith all year long. Subscribe bags clubhouse and clubhouse junior magazines full of games, stories, and God find, but

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