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August 24, 2020 6:00 am
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With all the tapping world right now you may be looking for ways to both entertain and encourage her family would like to help you do just that by giving you a 28 day free trial of the adventures in Odyssey club you can find our back catalog of adventures in Odyssey programs.
These exciting episodes are a great way to keep you and your family connected to truth. As you continue to navigate through significant changes to your lives to go to AIU club to get started on your free 28 days of adventures and ops that's AIU club.work or anything sweeter after baby today and focus on the family were to hear about God's amazing perfect design for babies in your hostess focus Pres. and Dr. Jim Bailey and I'm John full John having kids is been one of the greatest blessings of my life and I tell my boys. My only regret is not having more children. It always makes them smile when I tell them then and I want to encourage young couples today start your families.
Even though the world seems so uncertain right now. It's always going to be that way. And kids bring you so much joy and hope.
I would agree Jim and of course as the pandemic continues. Researchers are really interested in seeing what effect the state home orders are having and all of the uncertainty on birth rates in the coming days. Yeah, and some say there will be a baby boom because of all the stay-at-home orders which make some sense, while others are saying fewer people will have children because of all the stress and the economic recession were experiencing. Either way, the idea of being responsible for human life can be overwhelming. So today we wanted to share a conversation we had before the pandemic with the pediatrician to give some inspiration and practical help for parents, especially the first time parents in a guest is Dr. Robert Hamilton Bob has been for over three decades of pediatrician.
He has even more experiences. A dad of six kids and the grandfather to nine kids and you may have heard of him because of the Hamilton hold. He's created this approach to holding a baby to soothe that crying baby and made a video that it went viral on YouTube and millions of CNET and John. Dr. Bob actually taught that hold to one of our staff members who at the time adjusted to become a dad and it was a sweet moment to watch that we got that on know and have that on the website and will also have there at the site. Dr. Bob's book 7 secrets of the newborn secrets and happy surprises of the first year video and the book are available. Just click the link in the show notes. Let's go ahead and listen in now to the conversation with Robert Hamilton on today's episode of focus on the family and I want to say welcome Dr. Bob to focus on the family.
I am totally delighted to be here.
Jim and John is a pleasure I'm so intrigued by the opening here that when you, your wife, your wife's name is Leslie Leslie when you and Leslie had your first baby, you were still a student.
Is that right I was an undergraduate at UC Davis and medical students.
I was actually an undergraduate I was studying biology or biochemistry.
Okay so there you were, and you have this baby. Even Leslie and your nervous bringing this child home.
Of all the people in the world. I'm thinking this guy should be the least nervous person you know. I'm not sure I was nervous. I think I was clueless and is the difference but yeah my son Josh that he did survive.
By the way, but we were 22 and I think that you probably you guys know this, that you know the frontal cortex of men is not completely mature until about 2425. I raise my hand and say I was one of those unformed individuals guy gives a kid a 22 and you know listen. Unfortunately, I have a delightful wonderful wife Leslie, who had been married to for 46 years and very proud of that and she was mature, her plan where the game they are ahead of game and unfortunately my major Leslie had the major responsibility of taking care of Josh in your good support person.
I'm sure I you know I was young.
To deny I look back and think about our life. Then it was a simple life was a wonderful life.
And yes I did fall ridiculously in love with my son and my other children when they came I couldn't help myself and the father of six, yes, so you have done this well I've done its policy interview.
My children and guide the will bike ride. Let me get to it in terms of the culture here are physician of pediatrician in Southern California your practices right there in Santa Monica. But you had a friend when you first had your baby your firstborn and that friends said something to you that I think is very typical of what is said today. Don't you know the kids are burden, don't you know that this isn't what you doing what you thinking speak to that issue years seeing young couples every day, probably in their late 20s and 30s bringing in their newborns. I'm sure your observing that the age of couples having children is moving a little older bundle that into a package with this.
What is this fear and why are people so down. Generally about having kids you know it is a phenomenon and I think that you know when you look at children you think about children.
First of all I think that we have cohort it ourselves in our modern world, you know teenagers had hang out with teenagers no older people hang out with older people week we have divided our families up into these little converts.
If you go to other countries. Jim and I and I spent a fair amount of time in the Third World.
In Africa I just literally got back from Cuba a couple days ago and I will tell you that when you go there is an integration of the young and the old that's true.
And so what happens is when you're in your high school you're in college you're in graduate school. Whatever you not around children. We don't really realize that the joy in the delight and I tell people that you know babies and children bring a smile to your face every day. That's amazing.
I've been to Cuba had that same observations come like a time capsule in a queue because it's been so isolated and Dave directly. Actually, the former baseball player from the San Francisco Giants.
He and I went down to Cuba. He did a baseball clinic the pitching clinic and we're talking to. Believe it or not.
Government officials are about religious liberty and access and things like that. But the amazing thing was that integration that you say.
People on the porch old and young playing checkers eating little meal or something.
It's like a time capsule. It's like the 40s and 50s, yet you're completely correct. I said in Africa tonight and it is because they really need each other.
It isn't like they have much of an option they actually there all working together to make the family work and and above the results of that okay the Ed to get to your question Jim is that why are people chemical down on on having babies because they don't know they don't know the joy the blessing that children bring.
And you're right.
The demographic is changing people getting married later. Number one, partly because of it over the professional desires and what they want to do in the commitment issues in all kinds of all those things and that's understandable, but people are when they do have children when they finally get to the point where they have a child.
The conical where have I been right.
That's the expense we had then described that new parent attitude that you mentioned in the book you call it the new parent attitude what attitude is that, well, the attitude is the lit first father like a Savior older and so they kinda thought through this whole thing and they read a lot of books and vendors seminars they been to their prenatal classes, everything. So there like you know academically. There are ready your plan anything at all yeah and and I think to that you know they're also looking at other people and world human. We all do that they're seeing the things that other people are doing, but I think that the attitude I'm talking about is they can't mess up. They gotta get it right again to get everything perfect, but you and I know we live in an imperfect world and we all know that our parents are not perfect and we as parents are not perfect and yes perfect and so but if you're trying to be perfect. That puts the 18 a burden on your back that is hard to actually live up to that's true. I wrote a book called when parenting is imperfect and a friend of mine said why do use the word when you're absolutely right. I don't know why, is never for apparently hasn't Berkeley never the idea of that burden though.
I want to give you 30 seconds maybe 45 you take your time of making the pitch as a pediatrician as to why having children is a good thing. What benefit do we derive from having children okay will 45 seconds. Jim is a stretch, not a minute. Not fair, but here is why children do so much for you, they they radically change who you are fundamentally change means basically your brain changes and I can prove that you physiologically and even looking at your brain under a functional MRI and show you that your different person so that transformation from non-children to a someone who has a child is powerful and if you engage the process you will look around, realize, and you will you do this much respectively.
You look back at your life and you say I'm a different person help. Not everyone could have children and I don't means exactly right that you know and some people have reasons for not having children.
God bless them I wish them well.
But for those who have children get the children fill your life with joy the light they lead you to new places in life that you have never gone before.
But the point is is that children in large you in a profound and wonderful way they do and it's that man I don't know when I'm talking to young people in of the twentysomethings again. I'm trying to encourage them. Don't hold back and have children and David have fearful why you think the culture though. I mean, that fear thing is gripping so many 2030 somethings there's just a fear that they don't have enough, they aren't good enough they won't do it well. My parents messed up with me. I'm probably going to do the same thing right all the way those candid Haitians that through their head.
Yeah, just stop it. It's amazing how natural it comes to be a good parent. You're completely right and I will tell you illicitly coming to life with all of the thing the burdens in the end the things that who we are. Our background everything people in a having as many children these days. Number one, and so that if they only have one child or two children.
They have to make sure that each one of them is they do it right. Okay, not that we people have a lot of kids don't want to do it right for every one of them, but the ideas that you want to get a perfect you know you have to me chances this thing with parenthood and you don't want to mess up the thing to is people like we mentioned, people are having their children later in life when we were 22.
We had our first child, Josh, I can tell you that I never thought I kind of. It was very organic wasn't like I was thinking through all the things I should been thinking through, I never worried about him getting sick. I didn't worry about all the things that you need to do. I wasn't saving for his college fund. You didn't wrap them in bubblewrap. I know to do that.
I suppose if I put that I would've, you know, but we we loved him very, very sincerely and very simply, and that's kind of how it was as good over talking today on focus on the family with Dr. Robert Hamilton and he's got this great book 7 secrets of the newborn secrets and happy surprises of the first year. Go ahead, get a copy of the book. We've got details in the episode notes that Dr. Bob, I would pick up on something you briefly mentioned that is the brain chemistry changes in mom and you and your book talk about that happening for dad as well. So let's look at the two of them.
I mean, it's obvious I think for mom. You see that you have physical changes for mom.
She's pregnant. Of course, and you know she's having her body's response to that is very obvious. I'm not so sure I ever dialed in the fact that it dad's brain chemistry is changing as well.
That's the first time I've heard that is very real and I have to say that part of part of the research.
I wrote my book.
It is II actually was more aware of. I kind of thought that that I didn't know that. But what is happening is that you don't listen God in his glory wanted men and women to have children and we need to keep these kids alive and so that bonding phenomenon is happening certainly during the pregnancy for mother because we watch our we watch her tummy grow. We watch her all the other changes that happened in the women by the way, I told parents his old-time hormones make the world go round money is hormones okay. Spoken like a true. If you're a teenage boy you understand and the reality is that you know which are being beat him in the brain.
They kind of infect mothers and there are things that are going on, which are phenomenal.
You know obviously when you're pregnant you're seeing the changes that are happening in their phenomenal but mothers are getting ready to be a mother for getting ready to bond intensely with that child. Oxytocin and other your Pitocin.
These hormones that we hear about their little tiny proteins I call the little chemical messengers which are being sent from the brain.
They have their effect on hold through the body and are preparing women certainly to be mothers note for men is a different dynamic to and I were talking about bundle admin who are engaging the process of pregnancy with her wife. If you not living with the pregnant woman very odd and I don't quite understand. I'm not sure anybody can tell Spike, but men who were living. If you simply impregnate a woman and you go on your way you don't get this okay, but men who are living with the wife and watching her go to the pregnancy of funny things happen your testosterone levels began to plummet. The go down your level of oxytocin. Usually that hormone which causes left on the women begins to go up others. Another hormone called vasopressin which is we call it the monogamy hormone begins to go up and that is a hormone which causes you to want to protect your wife and child. Ultimately, that begins to go up even Pitocin men have Pitocin floating through their blood so all of these things which you know. Listen, I don't member of the phenomena it's been a while since my wife is pregnant but essentially kind of takes the edge off the men in terms that testosterone interesting. It really is interesting yeah and so that is happening in men and clearly women to yeah you know, Dr. Bob, something that always intrigued me and I love science.
I did a business degree.
I did not do science degree. My wife Jane did biochemistry but you know the way so often. Science does back up God's design unit is not in conflict.
I'm not sure why the world always tries to convince us that there's some kind of Darwin thing occurring because it seems like what a perfect way to go. But why is a doctor and as a scientist, why is there this desire to discount these things you want.
You describe right there that men come protectors.
I know that some in the culture. Just they hate to even acknowledge that that is actually taken place.
It can't be right, but it is you're saying. Science is saying it through MRIs through watching those hormones be released in our brain it matches what God's design is for us. Why is there this conflict, you know, I think it really has to do with the God thing.
Mean people who are given to you know atheism were that there is no God in the universe in a God bless them they have to have an answer and the answer is everything is evolution or natural selection know I always think about you know the number of we know how old the universe is approximately Ivy okay that I think that is a gigantic leap of faith. If you want to really come to discount God or discount, you know, a force beyond evolution and natural selection is okay okay that's their religion, I have chosen to look up to the skies and say it's a God who loves us and is a God who designed a perfect plan for our lives.
And that's kind of who I am a good friend of mine AI was just traveling with him in Guatemala. He was an atheist reason or agnostic exit.
Why did you change and said Bob here's my eye. The Hubble telescope is out there is circulating and they focused a tiny little you pinpoint of of the sky that we can actually see and they let it come to they held that image that piece of the sky and they've later developed it and they saw that there were that one little pinpoint of the sky showed millions and millions and millions of others stars that right and no consolation, and he said Bob after I saw that he said tonight. This is bigger than us. That's powerful Bob, let me ask you, you make the case that moms and dads are equally important in a baby's life.
The mom's role seems self-evident.
There's that connection but explain why it's important for dads to be involved because you temperamentally or whatever issues were facing. We can either be engage fathers or disengaged fathers.
Let me know that this whole process of a family know and you are focus on the family and I'd by the way I love this program. I love you guys. I wouldn't do for fun, for many many years is been in such a joy to be here.
Parents know dads and moms bring clearly different things to the equation, but study after study has shown that when you have the father engaged in the family whose children do better they thrive. If you have a father whose tongue but a father who shows up in his mutant doesn't engage his kids and goes and watches television after dinner about my father's who Ashley taken interest by the way, I will tell you that I have thousands of wonderful fathers in my practice who really do the people who really know dads love their children as much as a mothers do a course about when there involve the kids to better content because it's a complementary thing you Kennedy. Both you mommy and you dad and that doesn't always happen.
Certainly in our world. I see many mothers who don't have a partner don't have a spouse and there a God bless them. This is a tough way to go and you know these people name and I do to. But it's wonderful to be able to share the joy of children with another person. First of all yeah and the burden it is hard to raise kids and all the things they need.
It isn't for free, but we have a dad engage involved. All I can say is that mothers are happier children are happier life goes a little bit easier, but you know you want to things even for my own express with my two boys always felt like the early days were tough for me to connect you know when they're breast-feeding and you change diapers and their cute they certainly are in there. Great to hear like weird giggles and things like that and you give him a bath and wash their hair itself to dry them off and put them in the Broncos uniform, but the point is, I think for dads. It's a little harder to connect with a newborn or a three-month-old compared to eight-year-old right so speak to that.
The way that fathers can connect to newborns and infants when were not understanding how we can you know for some to clarify one thing that you children happier bronco part yeah sure a lot happier when you dress them up as Dodgers writers.
What you did make that very that made it through yet. I guess if there are years anyway. I could tell you that you know the reality is yes. When early on. This is a feminine thing is the feminine thing to deliver the child to have a child in breast-feeding and love that child is very and I think that we look at that minute we we look at the process and I remember standing back and all and my wife Leslie such a great mom, you know, breast-feeding the child.
This is their world is unique for them is, it is anyway.
That being said, let women be women. Let them do what comes naturally and what is physiologically the role but we are. Our role is to really come to stand back and support them and to be there. And yes, to give them a break from time to time, and to degree we were bonding with her kids in a different way and that doesn't make it any more important but it is a different phenomenon where those things that we can do. Give me two or three examples and I can give you many of them for one of the most important things that new mommies need to sleep okay and they need to get that rest because of the not sleeping, they fall into posts — takes the child and lets mom get a nap. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a more complicated than that.
John basically what you do is you essentially you take your Chauncey honey take a nap to take little Josh like Guido Noel or whoever. When my kids I would take around the block and get them out of the house getting in the fresh air taken to the park where you have taken thing on the beach. We have a beautiful beach in Santa Monica about that you know it is okay that they're not there, away from the body for an hour or two. Okay. And the reality is by doing that you give the mother rubric okay said that the set number two we listen.
There are chores that have to be done with children. There are there's food together.
There is diapers the change. There is laundry to pick up IV I can think of a thousand you know chores need to be done. You do them. If you're there in your helpmeet okay we talk about women of being. Help me to meant career is this time and you can do that to your wife is well that's a good Dr. Bob I want to inherent you notice in some way, some practical help you mention in your great book 7 secrets of the newborn for cornerstones of that first year that new moms and dad should discuss.
So what we cover those briefly as we wrap up today and then let's come back next time and continue the discussion. Okay absolutely. So yes, Jim. There are cornerstones which I think really listen.
Our goal in my goal for writing this book is to encourage families to thrive and I thought about it you mean, clearly a kind of stood back and thought one of the cornerstones which really makes for a healthy people, healthy lives, and that me II broken down into four are probably a lot more but number one what we believe. Number two. What kind of parents will be going to end up being three.
What kind of communities we belong to and and engaging our children in the community in the before how we can occur for a child's health. So those are broad categories of would be believable.
I was raised in a Christian home.
I have been fortunate to have had my mom and a dad who love the Lord Jesus very fervently. They taught me to love God. It took me a while to engage that intake. That is my own, but that foundation was there and I think it's important that we engage your children in our faith and I talked about praying for your child there when the one month of age. They don't know that you don't know what this means they don't understand the words but they do know one thing they know that caress. They know those gentle words and frankly, when you pray for your child you're talking to the Lord.
When you talk to Lord your thinking about God and you think about the responsibility that you have before the Lord and so is a profound thing so you know share with your children from the very beginning of their lives that there is a God in heaven who loves him and engage them in your faith because I listen, I happen to believe that our faith is the foundation of the rock upon which were going to press pause right there because were out of time in this conversation with Dr. Robert Hamilton will have more from him though. Next time, John.
I love Dr. Bob's heart for children and babies and I love that he encourages parents to as they navigate the exciting and overwhelming time of having a newborn and I think that reflects the heart of God and how he cares so much about every detail of our lives, from the very beginning that Dr. Bob's attitude is such a contrast to how the world views children and that's why your focus were so passionate about celebrating life. One way we do that is through option ultrasound. This is our ministry that equips pro-life pregnancy centers with ultrasound machines and nurses training. We found that when women who are thinking about abortion see their baby on an ultrasound machine. The majority of them are moved to choose life. It's a remarkable thing in option ultrasound is completely funded by pro-life donors. So thank you to those of you who support this life-changing work.
So far the clinics would partner with our reporting that together we've saved over 459,000 babies lives.
That's incredible and we've done the math with all the numbers in the years to look back on it takes about $60 to save a babies life through the use of ultrasound technology. If you're passionate about pro-life ministry and share that heart for babies that Dr. Bob is really communicated today. Join us support the team and help that baby come into this world. Many choose to become a monthly sustainer while others are able to give a one-time gift. All of it helps and I would encourage you to join the team today.
I'll send you Dr. Bob's great book 7 secrets of the newborn as our way of saying thank you donating get that book when you call 800 the letter a and the word family or click the link in the episode show notes to learn more and Jim. It is really hard to believe but were only about a month away from our free big event online called sea life 2020.
John, I'm looking so forward to that.
September 26 event will have pro-life speaker special music and will show an ultrasound of her pre-born baby into the listener. Mark your calendar. Be sure to join us September 26 were great pro-life online and you find out more about sea life 2020 the link in the episode on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team here. Thanks for joining us for focus on the family.
I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time. As we hear more from Dr. Hamilton and once again help you and your family thrive in Christ hi this is Jim Daly with focus on the family inviting you to join the movement to end abortion and love every heart text heartbeat to 72,000. That's heartbeat 72,000