Hi, I'm Jim Daly. We're getting ready to celebrate 50 years of ministry at Focus on the Family, but the celebration wouldn't be complete without hearing from you. Maybe Focus helped you survive the toddler years, navigate the teen years, or reminded you that you're not alone. If God has used this ministry to encourage you, we'd love to hear your story. You'll find the details and the link in the show notes.
Charles said it was horrible. He said. it was the worst thing you could ever imagine. And he said, in fact, it was so horrible that when I went to kindergarten I um looked at this girl and I said I gotta get out of my house. I don't know what to do.
And she said, pray. The friend. The friend said, Pray. And these are five-year-olds. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Hmm, that's Michelle Ablard describing the terrible plight of an abused child who ended up in foster care and then, through a series of miracles, ended up in her home and today is Michelle's adopted son. This is focused on the family with Jim Daly, and we're going to hear more of this incredible story. And then we're going to be asking you to prayerfully consider how you might help one of the tens of thousands of orphans living in foster care right now. Thanks for joining us.
I'm John Fuller. You know, John, one of our core values here at the ministry is the value of children. And we believe children are a heritage from the Lord and a blessing. And that's why so many of our programs are devoted to parenting and making sure parents are doing the best job they can do to raise the next generation. And what a calling it is to raise the next generation.
I know moms are going, man, is this worth it? Yes, it's worth it. I've seen it with my own boys. Gene poured into them. I poured into them too, but Gene was the backbone of those boys getting a good foundation.
And we live in a fallen world, and many kids today grew up in broken families. I grew up in a broken family. I was the foster kid way back when. And that was in fourth, fifth grade. And, you know, I ended up moving in with my brother, who was a young man who married his pregnant teen wife, and that had a whole thing too.
That was junior high and high school.
So I've come from that brokenness. And here's the one thing that's amazing. God is there for you. And he's a father to the fatherless, and he is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit. And I think one thing when your family breaks apart, you are crushed in spirit.
But the Lord is there to say, Come with me, and restores that brokenness. And today's program is about that. Yeah, we've got a remarkable story for you about a school teacher who had a heart for children, and God pushed her to become involved in foster parenting. And this is really inspirational, and I think it's going to be life-changing for a number of our listeners. Michelle Ablard is in the studio with us.
She's been a grade school teacher and educational specialist for over 25 years now. In 2017, Michelle became certified as a foster care parent, and that began an unexpected journey toward adoption of her now two children, Charles and Jean. And she's captured her story in a little book called Faith Builds a Family. A journey of faith, hope, and healing. Michelle, welcome to Focus on the Family.
Well, thank you. I love your story, and it's close to my heart, like I said, in the middle. First of all, teachers were so important to me growing up. I think it was the structure I was looking for because my home life was so void of structure. I had an alcoholic father and my mom, you know, did what she could do, but it was falling apart.
And, you know, I think going to school just was it for me. And I could excel in there and I felt confident in there. And teachers, for whatever reason, they just took an interest in me and loved on me, which was awesome. It gave me a certain confidence that I don't think I had otherwise. But that was all teachers.
So on behalf of all those other teachers, thank you for doing what you've done and what you do every day. And I just think it's a great thing. You talk about being an ordinary school teacher with dogs and a mortgage, and that's what you thought your life would be like. And then you get into this. Yeah, you get into this situation.
What was the nudge that God gave you to get into foster care? It was interesting. Because I did have dogs and a mortgage, and I got in my car every day and drove to work. it was routine. Yeah.
And um Some days I would show up at work and be, how did I get here? Did I run any red lights? Or, you know, because all of a sudden it was so routine. But one day in particular I'll never forget. I was driving to work and I just felt.
Inside my spirit. I've never had God speak. verbally to me, but I felt deep in my spirit Quit your job. Out of nowhere. Out of nowhere.
That is how God speaks to us. Out of nowhere. You know what I mean? You know, what? What did I say?
At that time. They were like having lists of teachers that were going to be laying off and things because districts just didn't have the funding at that point from the state. I said, quit my job. That's funny. You know, so I just went on to work like nothing.
And I kept feeling that all week. You know, I felt just conviction: quit your job. And I was like, okay, this isn't making sense.
So I walked into school one day with a staff that I just loved and I loved being there. It had been my home for 16 years, you know. And, um I walked in, I was under so much conviction, I just blurted out everyone I saw. I feel like I need to quit.
Well, how? And they just laughed. You know, that just helped me feel better then inside because I was. Pretty much ignoring what I knew I should do. Yeah, and what's so critical in this is the way God sews this together.
So you did quit, you did get another job, and it was actually, you got paid more. I did.
So that was good. But something happens in that second grade class that you're teaching. Tell us what happened. Yeah, so. It was, and that's another amazing thing that I was working with all struggling readers and.
There was his little girl. Her name was Jean. in that group and She was balding and The s the smell was horrible. You know, and we saw red flags. We always saw red flags.
Sure. But they're so good at covering things up that You can't just call the state on a red flag. and you have to have something.
So Um she was Very unlovable. And after, you know, at that point I'd been in the classroom seventeen years and I knew. That the most unlovable were the ones who needed the most love. Right. And so I went home every night and prayed, God helped me to love this child.
But God has. Definitely taught me to love that child.
Well, and again, what you're describing is common with kids that are, you know, have very difficult trauma at home. Yep. It's not unusual. We knew. We knew there was something.
Yeah. You know, and. And that's another thing that you had mentioned, that the boundaries, you know, the consistency and so that was their safe place where they could do that kind of stuff because they knew that we would consistently love them while disciplining them. No, and it's so good. But in your book, Faith Builds a Family, you share a story about the day you agreed to become a foster parent for Jean, this little girl that kind of captured you.
Yes. I mean to be loved. And you knew the need for her to be loved. And then her older brother, Charles, also described that. First night when they were dropped off, and you're fostering at this point.
So you're certified, and then the kids come along.
Something Gene and I have experienced as well. I think we had about 15 foster kids come through our house. And it's an interesting, that first. experience is interesting. It's 'cause you don't know what to expect.
You're just on the porch going, Okay, here they come. It's scary.
So yeah, what happened? I I knew who was coming, which was beautiful. That's even better. You know? But I also knew who was coming, which was also scary because I knew who.
Yeah, well, that's true. I had worked with her. Yeah. You know, and I'm like, um. Yeah, they were completely terrified.
Completely terrified when they were walking up. It was like the weight of the world was on their shoulders. And I come to the door. And they look up. And they start just screaming, It's Miss Applored That's that's kinda cool.
Yeah, so then they I opened the door and they were just so they ran everywhere and I'm thinking, What did I get myself into?
Well, that's the beginning. They got to check out the domain. Yeah, they were so excited. Just amazing. And their ages at this time were seven and eight.
Okay. Wow. And they're in the foster system, and there's a distinction.
So the state is hopeful that. There can be some work with the parents done, the birth parents, that they can get to a healthier place. And hopefully, there's intervention. But that is, you know. For the 343,000 kids in foster care, about 77,000, the parental rights have been terminated.
These kids, their parental rights had not been terminated yet. No.
So they're in the system. This is hopefully a temporary thing to where the parents can get their act together. And this is going on in every state in the U.S. I mean, that is the idea. And they really, the state works hard for reunification, sometimes to a fault, to be honest, because those parents aren't going to be able to get the bad behavior corrected.
And then that's when the court steps in, they terminate parental rights, and that's where you have 77,000 who are available for adoption. And just describe these kids particularly, what they were facing. How long were they in the foster system? When did they become available for adoption? We went through actually years.
Um, I think it was four and a half years.
So there was visitation occurring? Visitation started after nine months. The abuse in their home was so horrific. But due to state laws, they had to start at least trying to work on reunification, so they started visits and um Yeah. Uh Charles.
immediately started having physical problems, um neurological. He Looked like he was having seizures and w his arms would fly everywhere. And he, um, he doesn't remember the details of the abuse, it was so horrific. But he, um it comes out in his body and You know, that's another thing that They learned early on how to advocate for themselves. And he wrote survival.
Yeah, he wrote, actually, no, he went and made a video for the judge begging, please don't ever make me go see them again. And. Wow. The judge granted his wishes and he was free to never see them again. Wow.
He said it's just too it's doing too much to m i I can't heal. Um Jean went to see the parents a little while longer And it was through a few conversations that she revealed that She was afraid to tell them. That she didn't want to see them anymore, that they would hurt her because they still had that hold on her. Sure. You know, the thing that's so.
Um Hard to grasp is it's one a beautiful thing. Children have an amazing capacity. To forgive their Flawed parents. I mean, I did, and I know that feeling. You still love your dad, you still love your mom, even though they're not.
healthy parents. Oftentimes those parents were abused as children. Yep. And it's a repetitive cycle that occurs. And so we need to recognize that.
In Jean's case, your daughter, she was having fantasy escapes. Describe that because that, again, is a tool of survival. Yeah, I mean her dream was that one day she would be able to sit on the couch and snuggle with her mom. That was that was her dream, that her mom would actually wrap her in her arms and snuggle with her. And she thought that with these parenting classes that they were going to be better, you know, and that wa that was her dream.
She continued with the family visits just for a short while after. She would go off into her closet afterwards and I would hear her talking and She would have, she'd be off in a completely different world.
So, in that context, what were you know, some of the attitude adjustment that you needed to have, expectation adjustments? A lot of patience, yeah, you know, and just sit there and wait for her to come out of it and just say, Hey, what were you doing? And um that was how she coped. She had completely leave the situation completely. Another thing is, you know, we had good therapists and a good a good therapist um brings the foster mom in at the end or or dad.
So that's how he worked through a lot of it. A lot of it, I think, it was just her. Feeling safe. And once she started to feel safe, she no longer disappeared into another world. Yeah.
And she's never gone there since. That's one of the best rewards. And I experienced that, Gene and I, with some of the foster kids that came in with food insecurity issues. stuttering. I mean these are things that occur because the kids have been traumatized.
And there's no box that says perfect child that you can select from. They all come typically with issues. And then the question is how do you do the things you need to do to give that child confidence and security? The one that I experienced with one of the, it was a two-year-old boy, and he came in, stuttered. and he would sit for breakfast and mister Jim You know, can I have cereal?
And I give him a bowl of cereal. Can I have toast? I give him toast. Can I have a pancake? I give him a pancake.
This went on for like three or four weeks every morning. And I just did what he would ask for. And one day. It just ended. And he asked for a bowl of cereal and nothing else.
And the other thing is, the stuttering stopped at the same moment. It's like he could then speak clearly. It was like a total got thing. Yep. Just those things, those insecurities and the fact that he knew.
he could have access to food any time he wanted, Mm-hmm. Made such a difference for him emotionally. Tell us about the plea that Charles made to God when he was in kindergarten, the prayer he said. This gives me chills. I mean, this is.
The Bible says, yes, the Bible says, faith of a mustard seed. You can tell that mountain to move and it will move. And um We were it was Christmas time and the kids had lived with me since uh Halloween, so uh Christmas Eve service. Um my brother Michael did a lot with us at the beginning there. He really helped Charles a lot come out of his shell.
Stay a sister a lot of time. No, no. We did have a therapist friend, though.
Okay. Jamie, who she's still, she's like a sister. Yeah. You know, you become very close to the counselors when you start foster care. But yeah, we were driving home from Christmas Eve service.
It was their, you know, their first time. They were all dressed up.
So we were driving home, and my brother said, tell us what life was like for you guys back then. And Charles said, You know, I'll never forget it. I I will me personally, I will never this moment. Um Charles said it was horrible. He said It was the worst thing you could ever imagine.
And he said, in fact, it was so horrible. that when I went to kindergarten I um looked at this girl and I said I gotta get out of my house. I don't know what to do. And she said, pray. The friend.
The friend said pray. And these are five-year-olds. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wow.
It's growing up fast. Yeah. And. And then, you know, I found out who the girl was later on. She had also been in foster care at one point, which was interesting.
Yeah. But, um,. She told him pray. And I started tracing back.
Well, three years ago, what was I doing? You know, and of course this was also divinely inspired because I I don't just come up with ideas like this, but. It was that nudge again. Um, where was I three years ago? Yeah.
And I would have been driving to work. When God said, quit your job. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that networking, the weaving of the tapestry from the Lord is such a part of your story.
Wow. You mentioned in the book Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. It actually is my life verse. I love that verse. It's, I think, one of the most popular verses.
Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight. I mean, who wouldn't, in devastating trauma, who wouldn't cling to that? Yes. Right? That's the promise of God.
How did that become powerful and tangible for you and the kids?
Well, it's so amazing because. You know, part of foster care is court. Yeah. And the mom uh the parents had separated. They they were no longer together.
And The Dad was holding on. To them. And, you know, we found out later the reason he was holding on was because they still had his secrets. You know, and he wanted to make sure he got them back because he didn't want the secrets out. Um.
So we were gonna face court. And I I hadn't told the kids yet. We were still in school and I knew it was we were gonna have court in June. and we were all subpoenaed. And they were going to have to go in and testify against their dad.
With him in the room? With him in the room. Oh, my goodness. And. And I just thought, these kids have been through so much.
Why are we doing this again? Trauma. Yeah. But I went, I tucked him into bed and I went to my knees that night, at my couch, And I said, I don't understand. Why are you doing this?
Why have these kids have been through so much? And I just I fell apart. And I said, I am not leaving this spot until you tell me why. and that verse popped into my head. Proverbs 3, 5, and 6.
You know, that was a verse I grew up with. I hadn't thought about it in years. And I've I've replayed it in my head, and it's, you know, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Trust. I wasn't trusting.
Then lean not on your own understanding. It wasn't my job to understand. Why? It was my job to trust. Yeah.
And I said, Thank you, Lord. And I went to bed. And I s I sang my songs, laid in bed, you know, and I I felt peace. I say, 'Cause you've gotten us this far, Lord, you know, and Charles always said to me, Mom, It's not um God wouldn't bring us this far. to let us go.
We have to trust.
Well, before we close today, Michelle, you've brought along some very special guests, Charles and Jean, the kids we've been talking about. And we'd like to take a moment just to ask them a few questions and hear from them. Are you guys okay with that? Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, great. What a remarkable story. And in so many ways, you know. I'm sorry. That you had to go through that.
You know, it's going to get me teary-eyed now because one of the things I love from my sons who are now 24 and 22 is they'll say to me, You are a great dad. Which I didn't have, you didn't have. And uh I hope as you grow up and you get married that that might be something that you'll treasure when your kids say you're a great mom. And your great dad. Won't that be cool?
I'm sure you can't even imagine that right now. But it will happen, I think. But even not, just that you're healthy and you're doing well.
So, thanks for your courage to just sit in for a few minutes with us. I don't even know. Jeez, there's so many ways we could go here. Maybe a favorite memory with Your forever mom here, Michelle. What do you think?
When that when you were on the porch And you realized It's my teacher. What did that feel like? Either one of you. Let's start with you, Charles. What did it feel like?
I don't remember much from back then. My mind blocked most of it out. Yeah. I do remember running through the house and looking at all the stuff and being like, This is a million-dollar mansion. It's three bedrooms.
And one of them could be yours. And I'm like, the dishwasher actually works. Oh, that's interesting. Did it, was it a tough process, though, the transition and Or was it Did it feel like light? Did it feel positive?
It felt positive, yeah. That's amazing. Do you remember that prayer when you were five? Yeah. Um, I actually also got help from my school.
There's a thing called the Good News Club. Oh, yeah. My wife and I both participated in that. Yeah, so that's actually how I learned how to pray, was the Good News Club. Wow, that was great that you were able to go to that.
Gene, how about you? What was that memory when you went, ah? It was crazy because I mean, I had recognized her as, oh, she's the teacher that we would read this little book. What was it, Wayside Stories? Yeah, we'd read Wayside Stories together, just like take turns at our little table.
And then the minute I saw her, I was like, wait, this is her house? I'm gonna stay with her. This is awesome. Because I really liked her. She was like the only teacher that I really liked, because we had that bond.
Yeah. I mean, that's so, you know, you're hungry for that, right? Because you haven't felt a normal sense of love. Yes, yes. And when you feel it, somebody paying attention to you, somebody recognizing you're actually in the room.
That's an amazing feeling, isn't it? Yeah, it feels great. It's refreshing. Yeah. Yeah.
And that is what it should be like. That is normal. That is what a child should feel is being wanted and being loved. And again, it's just, it's wonderful that you guys are experiencing that now. And I'm sorry it didn't happen.
when you were first born. Let me ask you guys, you know, why do you think if you're talking to a couple million people through this broadcast? And being a foster parent or adopting out of foster care can be really hard. What's your best uh pitch? to ask uh an adult or a married couple to say, It's a good thing to do.
What would you say? Mm. I think I would say like Whenever you go and you make that step, someone, or maybe like Halfway across the world is thanking you because this is something that's taking them out of like. torture. Like, this is something completely new.
This is like a new life for them that you're going to give them. Yeah. Charles, any thoughts?
Well, you're literally saving your life. I mean, I could have died there, so. Oh, that's so sad, my friend. Whenever you think about that, if you think about it as saving a life, I think it's a pretty easy choice. Man, that is good.
That is so good. And that, let me ask you spiritually: I mean, this idea of God and trusting in the Lord, and the Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 that we talked about earlier. How has he made an impact in your life? And what's your relationship with the Lord like? I feel like if I hadn't gotten into foster care, I wouldn't have known God because we were not a Christian family.
At my biological parents' house, we were actually probably the complete opposite. Um, And I feel like To this day, I've gotten really close to God through foster care because it depends on the home you go into. If you go into a Christian home, then you know that not only does someone else love you, but God loves you too.
So, even whenever you don't feel loved, God's there with you through everything, like through all your healing, through all the trauma you're re-experiencing, and it's just. It's great. It's pretty awesome. and that he loves you more than anything. You And you, that he loved you enough to die for you.
That's pretty cool. Um Well, that's how we concluded our conversation with Michelle Ablard and her two teenagers, Charles and Jean, on today's episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. What an amazing story, Jim. And God prompting Michelle at the right time to step in and foster these kids. And she was ready and willing to give them a forever home.
Yeah, she was. And here's the thing: Michelle didn't accomplish all that on her own. She had a wonderful community of support, and that's what you need. Her niece's family got her started in foster care. Her brother was a positive influence on her kids, and many others helped along the way.
That's a key part of what our Wait No More ministry, where we not only recruit couples to become foster or adoptive parents, but we also encourage people to come alongside these families in their church and community. Not everyone is going to adopt. We get it. But there are great ways to get involved and provide help. Maybe shopping or running errands for the families, doing laundry, or simply being a good neighbor and a friend.
Another way you can help is through our suitcase bundle program. I love this program. Life in foster care is difficult enough with all of the moving from home to home to home. And many of these kids end up carrying their possessions in trash bags, hefty bags. Focus on the family wants to provide something better, something with dignity.
A suitcase filled with a Bible, a teddy bear, and a handwritten letter to remind children of how much they're loved. And we want to invite you to sponsor one or more of these suitcase bundles. Every gift of $100 provides that bundle to a needy child. If you can become a monthly sponsor, that would be great. Or give a one-time gift, whatever you can afford.
We so appreciate your generosity. And the kids do too. Yeah, contact us today to learn more about Wait No More and how you can get involved. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family, or check the show notes for details.
Well, thanks for listening today to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Hi, I'm Jim Daly. We're getting ready to celebrate 50 years of ministry at Focus on the Family, but the celebration wouldn't be complete without hearing from you. Maybe Focus helped you survive the toddler years, navigate the teen years, or reminded you that you're not alone.
If God has used this ministry to encourage you, we'd love to hear your story. You'll find the details and the link in the show notes.
