A recent post on social media went viral about what. Parenting teaches us about financial advice, the relationship between expectations and the support for your plans. That's what we're talking about on today's episode. Welcome in. Glad to have you on another video here.
I'm Ben George. He is Jake Dozer, certified financial planner, one of the members of the advising team at Rosewood Wealth Management.
So, you know, not everything. The internet is great, Jake, but there is a lot of good that comes out of the internet. And today, we've got a post that I think is really good, especially with you being a father and myself as well. I mean, this will kind of get you thinking. But even if you're not a parent, this really will kind of hit you home and also kind of tie into what financial planning and that relationship with an advisor, client, is really all about.
So, let me give you a little context on this before we jump into it.
So, this original piece, which we're going to drop into the show notes, so you can read it for yourself because it's a really good read, it's worth the time. It's called The High Shoulders Theory. It tells a story of a dad who, instead of comforting his son, who missed a baseball team, he told them the truth about what he needed to do, what he needed to work on. But instead of just kind of telling it to him and kind of leaving it be, he said, I want to work on this with you throughout the summer. We'll fix it together.
So he builds it into this kind of two by two framework, expectations on one axis, and then support on the other.
So we got some kind of graphics where to kind of overlay as we go through this discussion, Jake, to kind of help you. But I thought this was a kind of a great idea because, look, so many times you have this, hey, this is what needs to be fixed, but you don't always get that support, whether it be in your life as a kid or financially, whatever it is. This just doesn't happen all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting as we think about this. I think about this a lot, having a newborn child in the parenting world.
And it was a really interesting study to read from that angle. My wife is always sending me stuff in a helpful way. I don't say it in a complaining way. She just sent me a video this morning about something that she's great at identifying a challenge that I face because I'm not paternistic by nature, only child. You know, I'm just a type A personality a little bit.
And so that sort of shepherding and nurturing element doesn't come natural to me.
So my wife sends me stuff all the time, super helpful. I encourage her to do it all the time. But the crossover and translation into retirement planning was shocking to me.
Sometimes you always think these things and it's like, that's a weird, weak analogy. This is not one of those. But the first quadrant that the article talks about is low expectations and low support.
So, you know, this is the type of thing where, like in the parenting world, well, hey, my mom and dad were deadbeats, but you know, You know what? They never had any expectations from me.
So the fact that they didn't show up didn't really bother me, anyways. That's a sad story. But you know, it's true sometimes in your relationship with money, too, especially with certain financial advisors. And I don't say that in a spirit of like, oh, look at those awful financial advisors, look how amazing we are. No, it's more of this is possible.
You know, some folks they end up 50, 55, 60. And here's what we hear a lot: man, I wish somebody would have just told me this when I was 20 or 30. And I wish that I had gotten that support because then I could have at least addressed these things. But I didn't, I don't know what I don't know. That's that phrase sort of encapsulates this area.
And so, you know, a question for you: if you're in that retirement planning phase, whether you're 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, any age, really, you know. Do you have a relationship that's holding you accountable, that's pointing you to the right place, that's giving you the framework to know what to prioritize? This a lot of times shows up as there's no financial plan. There's no check-ins. Nobody's asking you questions to prod you to be better.
I think about this as like. It's reactive, not proactive. You know, a lot of financial advisors are happy to take your money and invest it. But then, hey, call me if you have any questions. That's not necessarily wrong in the short term, but if it's been a few years since you've spoken with your financial advisor.
Then maybe the emphasis needs to not be on the word advisor, and maybe it's just a product salesperson. I hate to be like direct, but. In reality, you know, if it's a call me if you have any questions type of relationship and you don't hear for a few years and then anytime you're on the phone, it's just, well, this is what your money's done. And there's no proactive advice around how to use your money or financially related topics. It's probably this quadrant run relationship and it probably needs some work.
Yeah, the dead zone. It's called that for a reason, right? And I think, you know, the danger is not. a bad outcome happening right away, but it's just, hey, years are going by with nothing happening at all because there's no expectation. There's nobody there to help support you.
And again, that's a dangerous quadrant to be in. Quadrant two, low expectations, but also high support.
So this is where somebody feels really good. But they're never really challenged. I mean, we see this take place in a lot of different aspects of life, right? Just kind of maybe it's coddling, whatever. But what about financially?
What does this relationship look like on the financial side? Yeah, I mean, so this is something where you're comfortable. But there's not growth. And I don't mean growth financially. I mean growth as in an expanding relationship, service value.
You know, this is where I see this most often: when your financial advisor is a friend or a family member. Don't get me wrong. That's not wrong. But it's really you know you ever heard the phrase good fences make good neighbors The idea is that proper expectations Create healthy frameworks for relationships. That's true in anything in life.
And it's true with your financial advisor.
So, you know, if you have a friend or a family member, or you've known them for 30 years, that's great in one sense. But can also familiarity can breed resentment. Due to that relationship being overprioritized, other than over the value.
So if you're, hey, you're going to be fine. And whenever you voice concerns or ask questions, the answer is: you're going to be fine. And there's no way to further quantify what that looks like for you. That's probably a good litmus test to know that you're in quadrant too. One of the things I do with a lot of my clients.
Is I say, you know, just so you know. You're spending X amount per month, and you can afford to spend Y amount per month.
So I'm not telling you you should spend more money because you need to. But if you needed to, whether that because you wanted to increase your spending. or you had an unexpected expense, you're going to still be okay. What I use that as a very practical way to say you can spend more money if you want to. You don't have to be worried about the amount of money you are spending.
If you have an emergency, you've got Wiggle Room built in. Right, so it's a way to say, here's a really actionable, easy piece of information so that you can know. I don't have to go live in a 15-page chart. But I also know where I'm at. On my course.
So, those are the types of things, whether it be that or something else, you know, or maybe it's just you're going to be fine, and there's never been like an actual income analysis to determine you're actually going to be fine. It's just like flippant, you know, bar napkin math. Whether that may be, you know, if you feel like, ooh, that's me, I'm in quadrant two. Might be a time to kick those tires. All right, let's shift down to that quadrant three, that lower right.
If you're watching us on YouTube, uh, you'll see that there. And if you're not, if you're listening, come over to YouTube, check us out there. You'll see the graphics here. This is the pressure without a plan.
So, this is high expectations without a lot of results, without a lot of support. And Jake, this is a spot that can really drum up a lot of resentment, right? I mean, somebody's telling you what you should be doing, but they're not really helping you get there at all. Right. Pressure without a plan-that's not great.
That's kind of like the dad in the story. You know, had he said, Here's where you're failing. Good luck. That's what this would be. You know, that's sometimes where I found myself as a dad, is my knee-jerk reaction saying, Hey, son, please don't do that.
Yeah. And then, like, man, I think about sometimes I was just actually, my wife just sent me an article this morning. or a video this morning and it was like, whoa, that's me. Because it was the dad. Basically, reacted.
It was this story of. The son got angry with his sister because she was kind of like picking on him, like older sisters do. And he just like smacked the Legos and broke them. And the sister was all upset, rightfully so.
So the dad said, you know, what I wanted to do is I wanted to go over and said, we do not tolerate that. Get back here. You need to apologize to your sister. And I'm not suggesting that. You know, everyone needs to be a snowflake, and there are not times to be stern with your kids.
But what he said was: instead, what I did is I gave my son a minute, I went over, I asked him, I said, I asked him the context of what happened, and then I walked him through what some better options would be. And then I went with him to his sister to make it right. And I thought, whoa, this is a perfect illustration for this quadrant three, where this is the positive thing.
So, if you're in the type of situation where you have pressure without a plan, you're getting that sort of dad. volatile reaction Maybe the pressure is coming through sales tactics. Maybe it's coming from, you need to do something better, and I'm going to beat you up about what you're currently doing, but I'm not going to show you how to fix it. Actually, John and I were just talking about this: how some financial advisors are really guilty of saying all the things you're doing wrong in an effort to win your business, but never telling you the things that are good too. Very rarely should you sit down with a financial advisor, and 100% of what you're doing is wrong.
That probably means there's a sales pitch somewhere.
So, there needs to be the follow-through. Yeah, there should be some uncomfortable pressure sometimes, but there also needs to be, and this is how we're going to rectify it. Yeah, you don't want to, hey, you should be saving more. We should be making more. We should be, you know, having better returns.
We should be doing this, this, and this.
Well, what's the plan to get there, right? That's what this press without a plan talks about. But it takes us to quadrupa four, which is the author, Sahil Bloom, says this is the one that actually changes lives, right? The high expectations. I expect a lot out of you, but here's how we're going to do this together.
And this is a really powerful one. Yeah, this is an element where it's a two-way street of accountability. This is that dad in the video in the positive, where I'm going to share with you what you did wrong. I'm going to walk you through how to fix it, and I'm going to support you and give you the tools and framework to get there. Right, this is the ideal relationship in any world, but specifically with your retirement plan.
You know, when somebody comes into my office, my goal should be. Whether your retirement is achievable. The things that are Positive getting you there, the things that need to be worked on. Here are the ways that we're going to support you to continue to do those positive things. And here are the list of priorities.
Here are the negatives that need to be addressed. Here's the ones that are like, okay, these are going to be issues if you don't address them in the long term, but right now they're not a high priority. Here are the items that are on fire and you need to address them right away. And here are the things in between. Let me hold you accountable along the way.
So, the way this might look like is: I have a meeting with you, and I send you a recap after that meeting of what we discussed in my homework and your homework. And let's schedule a time for us to get back together. Or this may be: here's an example of you enter a meeting and there's an agenda. These are the things we discussed at our last meeting, these are our priorities, these are our long-term planning. Precepts and principles that we need to focus on.
How are we getting there? Here are the ways that we're going to measure our progress along the way. You know, it doesn't always have to be like that in depth, but. If there's an absence of that in-depth element, always that's also a problem.
So, what relationship do you want to have with your money? What relationship do you want to have with your financial advisor? What quadrant do you want to be in? I think most people would want to be in quadrant four.
So start with asking yourself, what quadrant are you in right now? And how do you get to the quadrant you want to be in? And it probably starts with being honest with yourself and then trying to identify where you want to go and then talking to somebody to help you get there. And we'd be happy to chat with you. Yeah, I love that.
RosewoodwealthManagement.com is the website. And again, I encourage you to read the article. It's really interesting and it's pretty powerful too, right? Even if you don't want to look at it from a financial lens, if you just, as a parent, want to kind of read this and connect with it, I think you'll really enjoy it. And we'll drop that down in the show notes for you as well.
But we'd love to hear from you. If you have any questions, you can also drop a comment down below if you're watching this on YouTube as well. We'll check those out. But wherever you're watching, wherever you're listening, please subscribe. We appreciate that.
And we'll talk to you again right here. Thank you. Carolina Wealth Stewards doing business as Rosewood Wealth Management is a registered investment advisor in the state of North Carolina. The material presented is intended to be general information and should not be construed by any consumer as the rendering of personalized investment advice.
