Conflict Reveals Character

Today on Fellowship in the Word, Pastor Bill Gebhardt challenges you to become a fully functioning follower of Jesus Christ. When it comes to conflict, which one is you? When you're in conflict, which one is you? You see, so often as believers in Jesus Christ, it's the one time that we believe we're justified in our flesh. We just say, yeah, but it made me mad. When I get mad, I just get out of control. Really? That's never going to turn out well for you.

You could be like Lot and win the conflict, but lose so much more. Thank you for joining us today on this edition of Fellowship in the Word with Pastor Bill Gebhardt. Fellowship in the Word is the radio ministry of Fellowship Bible Church located in Metairie, Louisiana. Let's join Pastor Bill Gebhardt now as once again he shows us how God's Word meets our world. The holidays are just around the corner. And according to a research project led by Hillary Stenfeld, she said that 68 percent of you will have conflict with your extended families in the days to come. Ken Duckworth, the medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, says this. He says, there's this idea that holiday gatherings with family are supposed to be joyful and stress free.

He goes, that's not the case. Family relationships are complicated. The holidays offer plenty of reasons to be stressed out and anxious. The gifts you have and wrap the pile of cookie exchange invites the office parties. But for many, the biggest source of holiday stress is family. The family dinner, the family obligations and the burden of family tradition.

Happy holidays. We don't need the holidays, though, to have conflict. Conflict is part of life.

It's inevitable. You find conflict at work, conflict in the schools, conflict in the neighborhood and conflict in your family. The conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes conflict brings resolution. That's a good thing. And sometimes conflict clears up misunderstanding.

And that's a good thing. But there is something that conflict always, always does. Conflict reveals character. Open your Bibles to Genesis Chapter 13. The last time we began a series on Abraham, the friend of God.

And in Chapter 12, when we were introduced to Abram at that time. He taught us an extremely valuable lesson. He is a model of faith because he responds to God as a moon worshiper, an ear of the Chaldeans, and then goes to the promised land that God had promised him. But he taught us something else.

It's not too far of a drop to go from faith. To fear and then to failure. In his case, by the way, it was costly. And now in Chapter 13, he's going to teach us something else, and that is that conflict reveals character.

Look at the circumstances of this conflict. He says, Moses writes, So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, he and his wife and all that belonged to him. And a lot was with him. Now Abram was very rich in livestock and in silver and in gold.

And he went on his journeys from the Negev as far as Bethel to the place where his tent had been in the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place of the altar which he had made there formally. And there Abram called on the name of the Lord. Right in the middle of Abram and his worship of God is the reason for the conflict that's about to come. The circumstance of this conflict is the circumstance of prosperity.

That's going to be a problem. Notice verse two. Now Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver and in gold. It doesn't really say rich in Hebrew. It says kabad in Hebrew, and it means heavy. He's saying so Abram was very heavy in livestock, in silver and in gold. Now, we don't use that term today. We wouldn't say someone's heavy.

But when we say something similar, when we say he or she is loaded, when we say that, it's the same idea. He has accumulated a great deal of wealth. You see, in Chapter 12, Abram had not responded well to adversity. If you remember, there was a drought in the land, and instead of really trusting God, Abram decided that Egypt would be the answer. And so he goes to Egypt. Not only did he go to Egypt, but he even compromised his wife Sarai when he went to Egypt.

It was really, really a bad decision on his part. He went from faith to fear to failure. But now in Chapter 13, we find him in a different place. In fact, in verse three, it said he went on his journeys from Negev as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent was at the beginning. He's right back where he started. He was worshipping God in that area, then adversity came, then he failed God, and now he's back.

By the way, that's a picture of your spiritual life and mine. That's one of the great things about God. You get do-overs. You get the start over. You see, we call it repentance. You got an opportunity again to make it right.

God's infinitely patient. And so that's what you see happening here. But the issue this time is the issue of prosperity. Thomas Carlyle, the Scottish essayist and historian, writes this, adversity is sometimes hard upon a man, but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that would be able to stand up to adversity. He said most of us rise to meet adversity with our best character. However, our true character comes out when things go really well. It's easy to become arrogant, self-sustaining, conceited, greedy and condescending at such times.

That's the problem. That's the problem of prosperity. Now we see the other half of the conflict in the same circumstances. Verse five, Now Lot, he says, who went with Abram also had flocks and herds and tents.

That will become important a little later in the chapter. And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to remain together. And then it says that there was strife between the herdsman of Abram's livestock and the herdsman of Lot's livestock.

And then an unusual sentence. And now the Canaanite and the parasite were dwelling then in the land. So now we run into Lot.

And what we see from Lot is just like Abram. He's wealthy. It doesn't say he's wealthy in silver and gold, but he's wealthy in livestock and tents. He has many tents.

They're trying to stay together. And if you remember, in Chapter 12 in verse one, when Abram was called out of Ur of the Chaldees, God told him to leave his relatives behind. He took his father and his father died before he got into the promised land. And he took Lot. Now, from an earthly point of view, you certainly understand how he felt responsible for Lot. Lot's father had died, Abram's brother. And so Abram felt responsible for Lot and he took him with him.

But it was a bad idea and it plays out to be a pretty bad idea. But notice what's happening. There's the conflict in verse seven. There was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock. That word strife is the word reb and it means real contention. In other words, they're fighting.

There's no question that they were at it. There was probably a certain amount of trash talking going on in the pastures, insulting each other, trying to get to the water first, all those kind of things. And this is serious stuff.

There's livestock at stake. There's also reputations at stake here. You see, what they had is they had a lot of assets but limited resources. And boy, if you have that, you have a real opportunity for some strife. For example, if you were one of many children in your family, there was a lot of kids in your family or you're a parent and you have a lot of kids in your family, you can really see how this happens when you have lots of assets, children, and limited resources. What happens when there's only three cookies left on the counter? You see, what happens when you go on a road trip and then you find out there's only two seats by the windows? Whenever you have those kind of limitations, you end up with strife, and that's exactly what happens in this case.

But there's something else, another factor. Notice that last sentence of verse 7. Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling in the land.

I believe that Moses added that because of a few reasons, but one is this. That's the real enemy. There should not be any kind of strife between Abram and Lot. The real enemy here is going to be the Canaanite and the Perizzite. The Canaanites are the most infamous people in the Old Testament. There may have never been a more despicable group of people that ever lived from God's point of view than Canaanites. And so these Canaanites got into the land, and the Scripture says they practiced abominable customs and detestable things. We know that they were the worshippers of Baal. Not only did they worship Baal, they worshiped Astarte, who they called the Queen of Heaven. And their worship was the worst kind of pagan worship, even to the point of offering to their gods their own children by burning them to death. And so these were the Canaanites, and they really kind of controlled the land. The Perizzites are more like a subgroup of the Canaanites, and perizzite means belonging to the village, but they were really the shepherds.

They were Bedouin type of moving shepherds. Now, obviously, that means there's a limitation on what Abram and Lot can really do, and there may be another, even a third factor here, and that is that perhaps he means to say this. While they're fighting in the family here, the unbelievers are watching. That sort of picks up even in the New Testament. Peter writes about exactly the same kind of thing and says that we have to be careful of our conduct in the presence of the lost.

And so those are the circumstances that they face, the circumstances that really has an effect on them. Now, let's move to the conflict reveals character, verse 8. So Abram said to Lot, Please let there be no strife between you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers. Wow, does that sound like the way you'd handle that?

See, I really wonder about that. Who was the land promised to? Abram.

So who had the right to the land? Abram. You see, Abram is the uncle. Lot is the nephew.

The wealth that Lot has has a lot to do with probably given to him by Abram. So there's this going on, and Abram, watch how he tries to defuse this. The first thing he tries to do is add calming words.

He tries, in a sense, to defuse the system of this conflict immediately. He says, Let there be no strife. But he doesn't use the word reeb, which means real contention, which is Moses said what was going on. He uses a completely different word. He uses the word miraba.

And miraba means a quarrel. By the way, it becomes more famous than reeb because when you get to Exodus 17, the children of Israel, as they came out, are in the wilderness and they are quarreling and complaining about not having enough water. Moses goes to God and says, God, what am I going to do with these people?

I don't know what to do. And God said, Just take your staff and strike the rock and give them their water. But that place where they did that is called miraba. It becomes a famous place. It becomes a location, a place where people quarrel. But in this case, he's not trying to do that at all. He's trying to defuse it. And so he uses these really calming words. His desire is to take the emotion out of the conflict. Now, whenever you're in a conflict, is that you?

Is that what you desire to do? Well, then there's something else. He gives up his rights. He gives up his rights. Notice what he said in verse nine. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. He said, If to the left, then I will go to the right.

Or if to the right, then I'll go to the left. Take what you want. Wow. Now, normally when you're in a conflict, what is the most important thing to you when you're in a conflict? Your rights. You see, that's the whole point. Someone's violated my rights, and I'm going to get angry about it.

He gives up his rights. Wow. See, I don't think that sounds like you. You see, I'm not necessarily sure it sounds like me.

But I know who it sounds like. In fact, in Luke chapter 6, verse 29, listen to what Jesus Christ says. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also. And whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Wow. That's un-American. I'll bet it is. But it's the Lord.

You see, that's kind of an interesting thing. And that's exactly what Abram does. He also follows the words of Paul. Paul says, Regard one another is more important than yourself in Philippians 2. And he does it. We're brothers.

Look, you take whatever you want. And yet, when you think about it, all Lot was was a tag-along. It really wasn't his at all. Conflict reveals character. And we learn a lot from Abram about his character. What about Lot? Let's see how his character is revealed. Verse 10, Lot lifted up his eyes. Wow. He doesn't say anything.

He lifts up his eyes. And he saw the valley of the Jordan, that it was well-watered everywhere. And this was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, like a garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt that you go to Zoar. And so Lot chose for himself all the valley of the Jordan.

He didn't say a word. Chuck Swindoll writes this. Lot's selection of the most fertile territory reveals his true character. He should have said, Uncle Abram, I owe you a great, great debt of gratitude. In fact, I owe you everything. You brought me on this journey when you should have left me back in Ur. And today, I am wealthy. I'm a wealthy man because of you. And since you have been so gracious to me, I insist that you take the best land.

God will take care of me either way. But Lot, Swindoll writes, chose greed over gratitude. He chose wealth over family.

He chose to trust himself rather than God. Then Swindoll writes this. Truth be told, most of us are more like Lot than we are Abram when it comes to conflict. You see, conflict reveals your character. In verse 10, you get the reason why.

I love the editorial note. He says that he saw the valley of the Jordan next to that near the Dead Sea and it was well watered. And he said, let me tell you what it was like.

This is before Sodom and Gomorrah and the Dead Sea and all of that. He said, it was like a garden of the Lord. It was like Eden. He said, it was like the land of Egypt. He said, as you go to Zoar, it was like the Nile. He said, it was fertile. It was green.

Most of the Canaan is not. He said, that's what it was like. And that's all that Lot had to see.

And so Lot chose it. Immediately, Lot figures out what it is he wants. Notice what Lot doesn't do. He doesn't talk at all to Abram. The other thing he does, he doesn't consult the Lord at all.

By the way, let me ask you something. In the midst of conflicts, how often do you consult the Lord? You see, often never. You see, all that happened to Lot was, Lot is doing what we so often do. Lot's looking out for number one. That's what Lot's doing. And notice, he lifts his eyes.

As John wrote in 1 John, it's sort of the lust of the eyes. He says, wow, that's the best place. What was he thinking? He might have been thinking this. Wow, what a crazy old man.

You know, what a sap. You see, isn't that amazing? I can take advantage of this situation. I can come out ahead.

I can win. I think we often think that way whenever we find ourself in conflict. Proverbs 14 says, there is a way that seems right to a man, but it ends in death and destruction. That's exactly what Lot thought.

He thought, boy, I've hit it good. Circumstances lead to conflict, but conflict reveals character. The last point is this. God reassures us when we handle conflict well.

Look what happens. By the way, let me pick it up again in verse 12. Abram settled in the land of Canaan while Lot settled in the cities of the valley and moved his tents, and there we are again as far as Sodom. By the way, we'll continue with the story, and guess where Lot is. He's not in a tent outside of Sodom like he is here. He buys a townhouse in Sodom. He sits at the gate with the men of Sodom. That's what Lot ends up doing, and the subpoint of that would be sometimes you can end up in really big sin by taking one bad step, and this was his first bad step, and I'm sure all his herdsmen said, wow, you took him.

You won that, but he really lost. Notice again the editorial remark in 13, now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly, and he says it's sinners against the Lord. Those two words, wicked exceedingly, are only found in Noah and the flood. The idea is, wow, Lot made a really terrible choice, and it cost him dearly, but he thought he won the conflict.

All the conflict did was reveal his character. Now, what's the reassurance that comes from God? The Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, by the way, one subpoint, God didn't want Lot with Abram from the beginning. He didn't want his father there either, and now neither are with Abram, and he says, now the Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, now lift up your eyes, and he says, and look from the place where you are, northward, southward, eastward, and westward. For all, he says, the land which you see, I will give it to you and your descendants forever. God reassures him with the Abrahamic covenant and says, oh, by the way, Abram, it's all yours. You see, it's all yours, north, south, and east. By the way, west where Lot went, that's yours too. It's all yours.

F.B. Meyer says this, the man who is sure of God can afford to hold very lightly the things of this world. God himself is his heritage, and having God, that man has it all. And that's exactly what God reassures with Abram. It's all yours, Abram. God's promise is all that really matters. He then says in 16, I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered.

Wait a minute. Abram doesn't have that land, but it's all yours. How many descendants does Abram have right now?

Zero. God says you can have so many, you can number them. What does it take to relate to God that way? Faith.

It just takes faith. He said, arise, walk about the land. He said, through its length and breadth, for I will give it to you. And then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron. And there he built an altar to the Lord.

That's the third time he's built an altar, and he's worshipping God. What does he have so far? Only God's promise. He has nothing else. See, God promised it.

That's enough. That causes him to worship. That tells you so much about Abram's heart.

He's worshipping one more time. Circumstances always lead to conflict. Conflict reveals character, and God reassures us when we handle conflict well. Now, I want you to think of these two men in that conflict. Abram, he sought to resolve the conflict.

He used soothing and calming words and was tender with his nephew. Abram gave up his rights, which were his rights, to any land that he wanted. And Abram left it in God's hands.

Not a lot. He chose himself over others. He chose his occupation over his family. He chose the immediate over the future. And he never once considered God.

Isn't it amazing? One man walks by faith, the other man walks by sight. When it comes to conflict, which one's you? When you're in conflict, which one is you?

You see, so often as believers in Jesus Christ, it's the one time that we believe we're justified in our flesh. We just say, yeah, but it made me mad. When I get mad, I just get out of control.

Really? That's never going to turn out well for you. You could be like Lot and win the conflict, but lose so much more.

Abram's our example. When it comes to conflict, let me close with four words, just four words that I'd like you to try to remember. The first word is this. Always look beyond the immediate benefits of winning the conflict. Second word, never, never underestimate the impact of negative consequences based on your selfish choices. Never. Don't overlook it.

It was the worst thing that Lot ever did because it started him in a direction which ended him up in a destination which brought about disaster. Always never. The third word, forget.

This is hard for us. Forget about pleasing yourself. Forget about it.

Forget about your rights. Fourth word, remember. Remember, God evaluates every conflict that we are in from a spiritual perspective. Always never forget, remember. You don't need the holidays this year. Conflicts in your future are inevitable.

Abram or Lot, the choice is yours. You've been listening to Pastor Bill Gebhardt on the Radio Ministry of Fellowship in the Word. If you ever miss one of our broadcasts or maybe you would just like to listen to the message one more time, remember that you can go to a great website called oneplace.com. That's oneplace.com and you can listen to Fellowship in the Word online.

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Support for our ministry can be sent to Fellowship in the Word 4600 Clearview Parkway, Metairie, Louisiana 7006. If you would be interested in hearing today's message in its original format, that is as a sermon that Pastor Bill delivered during a Sunday morning service at Fellowship Bible Church, then you should visit our website, fbcnola.org. At our website, you will find hundreds of Pastor Bill's sermons. You can browse through our sermon archives to find the sermon series you are looking for or you can search by title. Once you find the message you are looking for, you can listen online or if you prefer, you can download the sermon and listen at your own convenience. And remember, you can do all of this absolutely free of charge. Once again, our website is fbcnola.org. For Pastor Bill Gebhardt, I'm Jason Gebhardt thanking you for listening to Fellowship in the Word.