Gossip And Hateful Words, Part 2

Today on Fellowship in the Word, Pastor Bill Gebhardt challenges you to become a fully functioning follower of Jesus Christ. Do you see gossip in your life as a serious sin that you need to confess to God? My instinct tells me you don't. Oh, there's a lot of terrible things that I do, terrible things I tell God about, that's sin. God says I hate gossip.

I hate it. In fact, not only with your tongue are three of the seven things that God hates, but every list you find in the New Testament of all the terrible sins we commit, gossips on all the list. And it's funny because some of the things you and I would say, they have to be right up at the top of the list, they're not on the list. But gossip's on the list. And it permeates us. You see, we live in a culture where you can gossip without even realizing you're doing it because it's the way the whole culture works.

It's all about gossip and hateful words. Thank you for joining us today on this edition of Fellowship in the Word with Pastor Bill Gebhardt. Fellowship in the Word is the radio ministry of Fellowship Bible Church located in Metairie, Louisiana. Let's join Pastor Bill Gebhardt now as once again he shows us how God's word meets our world. You see, are these words edifying? Do these words allow grace to the other people? You see, whatever my situation is, this is what God says, but only. In other words, God says, look, one of the most important things you have to learn when you're trying to control your tongue is you have to learn the principle of restraint. There are some things you just shouldn't say. There are some things you just shouldn't talk about. You see, that's what God is saying. There are some times when you need to use restraint. Go with me back now to Proverbs chapter 11.

Let me illustrate this. Proverbs chapter 11. In verse 12. The first part of verse 12 says this, he who despises his neighbor lacks sense. But a man of understanding keeps silent.

Then the next verse. He who goes about as a tail bearer reveals secrets. But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter. What is he saying? Use restraint.

You need to use restraint. Just because something's true doesn't mean you need to go out and broadcast it to everybody. If those people aren't part of the problem or part of the solution, what are you doing? Well, it's true. I just want people to know what the truth is. No, that's not what you want.

You want to tear somebody down. And notice what he says. He's quite clear on it. He who goes about as a tail bearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.

It's a matter of really the question is whether they need to know or not. And by the way, it can certainly have an effect on you with others whether you realize it or not. Go with me to Proverbs 25 and verse nine. Proverbs 25 and verse nine. And in these two verses, notice what the writer will say.

Here, the writer says, Argue your case with your neighbor. He says, and do not reveal the secret of another. Talk to people straight up, but don't reveal the secret of another. He says, or he who hears it will reproach you and the evil report about you will not pass away. He says, you will destroy your own reputation with other people when you reveal secrets. You see, that's what will end up happening.

And by the way, think about it from a logical point of view. If someone gossips to you, I am certain they will gossip about you. You see, if they're telling other stories to you, they're going to tell your stories to others. That's the way know what just works. So you have to be extremely careful here.

Not just in the giving end, but here on the receiving end. So I'd like to just go through a list of questions. In fact, five questions before you listen to someone else telling you information about people.

The first question is this. What is your reason for telling me? Why are they telling you? You see, you ever ask that, why are you telling me this? You see, I can't fix it. It's not part of my problem. I'm not part of the solution. Why are you telling me this?

The second question is this. Where did you get the information from? You see, where did you get the... Now, I know some of you say, well, I saw it on the internet. Everything on the internet is true. You know, they can't put it on there unless it's true.

Or I saw a newscast and those people always tell you the truth. Now, where did you get the information? I love the Apostle Paul when it comes to this. He was writing his letter to the Corinthians and he said, I have been informed, my brethren, by Chloe's people that there's quarrels among you. Paul's not in Corinth. He said, I understand there's quarrels among you and I was told that by Chloe's people who are in the church.

So I got my information from people in the church. He names who they are. Often when people gossip, they don't name at all. Now, somebody told me.

I'm always amazed at that. Somebody just told me. I couldn't reveal the information. I couldn't tell you who they were. But you can tell me the information, but you can't tell me who the people were that told you.

Where do you get the information? Number three, have you gone directly to those involved? Do you ever have someone that, wait, have you talked to her about this? Have you talked to him about this?

Have you gone directly? Now, inevitably, the answer, of course, is what? No.

No. Matthew 18 says, though, that if there's somebody involved in something like sin, you go there and you talk to them. And if they won't listen to you, you get another person and two of you go and talk. And if they don't listen, you end up bringing it to the whole church. And if they don't listen, you treat them as an infidel.

But the point of it is, you've got to go to the source. So have you been to them? Have you talked to her about this? Did you talk to him about this?

Inevitably, the answer is always the same. No. I just wanted to spread the information. And then, number four, have you personally checked out the facts?

Did you check out all these facts, or are you just simply relaying what you heard? Proverbs 18, 17 says that the first to present his case, that seems right until another person comes forward and questions him. Let me say it this way. My wife gave me this information. It's a quote from Dr. Phil.

And I love this. You've used it a lot. Dr. Phil says, no matter how thin the pancake is, it still has two sides. You see, have you heard the other side? See, did you hear the other side?

Well, no. I haven't heard the other side. He says, look, that's what we're talking about here. In that case, he said, look, you have to understand, have I checked these facts out for myself? It always seems right when you hear it the first time from one person. Boy, that's something I've learned over all the years in marriage counseling. That's why I try to counsel couples only together, because if you counsel one of them in the beginning, you end up prejudiced. And it's inevitable, and very early on in the ministry, I can remember I would counsel with one of the people involved for, say, a couple of sessions, and boy, I actually had in my mind the image that this person, when they come in, is going to have horns, and they're going to have big teeth that hang out, and they're going to be horrible people, and just as vulgar, just horrible.

And then they come in my office, they're delightful. Oh, and by the way, when we started talking about all the problems, I realized, wait a minute, what I was told before isn't true. You see, there's something else.

You know what happens in the context of that type of counseling? You're prejudiced. That's the beauty.

Think of this. Every conflict you've ever had in marriage, you're prejudiced. You like your side. That's why you're in conflict. You see your side. So that's a very important part.

You have to check out the facts. And then the last question I think you can always answer is this one. You say to the person, can I quote you after I check this out?

Inevitably, what do you get? Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't quote me. Well, you're the one that told me. You should be quoted.

You see, those are the questions. What is the reason for you telling me this? Where did you get your information? Have you gone directly to those involved?

Have you personally checked out the facts? And can I quote you when this is over? My biggest concern is not necessarily you listening to gossip. That is a concern. But my biggest concern is you propagating it yourself with your own tongue. So I want to give you some steps on this.

Five again. My first question is this. Do you see gossip in your life as a serious sin that you need to confess to God? My instinct tells me you don't. There's a lot of terrible things. I do terrible things I tell God about. That's sin. God says, I hate gossip.

I hate it. In fact, not only with your tongue are three of the seven things that God hates, but every list you find in the New Testament of all the terrible sins we commit, gossip's on all the lists. And it's funny because some of the things you and I would say, they have to be right up at the top of the list.

They're not on the list. But gossip's on the list. And it permeates us. You see, we live in a culture where you can gossip without even realizing you're doing it because it's the way the whole culture works.

It's all about gossip and hateful words. Proverbs 18, 21 says death and life are in the power of the tongue. You see, that makes such a difference to people. Turn with me now to James chapter 1. I want to show you a verse, verse 26. James 1 and verse 26. This is a verse that, by the way, is the standard of your faith. This is a verse that tells you what kind of believer you are.

And it's not what you think. James writes this, if anyone thinks himself to be religious. Now, James isn't using the term religious in the wrong way.

He's using it in the right way. Okay, I'll say it this way. If anyone of you thinks himself to be spiritual, that's the word we use. If you think yourself to be a spiritual person. If anyone thinks himself to be spiritual and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's spirituality is worthless.

Worthless. You can't control your tongue, your religion, your spirituality is worthless. I don't care how many times you go to church. I don't.

If you can't control your tongue, your spirituality is worthless. That's huge. That's big. It tells us just how important this is from our point of view. So you have to see, you have to see gossip as a sin, a grievous sin before the Lord and confess it. What we say is very important. Turn with me now to James chapter 3. And listen as James gives all these verses about how we talk.

It's astounding. He says, let not many of you become teachers. My brethren, knowing that such will incur a stricter judgment.

I can remember the first time that I read that and I thought, boy, I don't know if I want to give my life to teaching. You know, these words are going to be held against me. The words that you say. God holds us accountable. He says, for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he's a perfect man able to bridle the whole body as well. When he says he's a perfect man, he doesn't mean perfection.

The word teleos means mature. If you're a mature man, mature men don't. You see, they're never loose with what they say. They don't say things like that. They don't gossip. They don't use hateful words. No unwholesome word comes out of their mouth.

They want to edify and build people up. He said the reason that's so important, he's a mature man able to bridle the whole body as well. He said, don't you realize your tongue's just a symptom of your heart? You see, whatever you do with your tongue is exactly what comes out of your heart.

Notice he explains it. If we put bits into horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also. He says, though they are so great and driven by strong winds, they are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.

He says, just a little thing like the bit on a horse or a little thing like the rudder of a ship, but the horse and the ship move where the rudder or the bit tells them to. He says, so also the tongue is a small part of the body. And boy, it boasts of great things. You see, it boasts of great things. You see, the second thing I want to say is realize your help to conquer the tongue and use the tongue as an instrument of righteousness.

Notice this idea of realizing you need to conquer it and you can't do it on your own. He said, and the tongue is a fire. He said, the very world of iniquity, the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body and sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell.

That's very strange. He says, for every species of beasts and birds of reptiles, creatures of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by the human race, but no one can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.

What's it tell me? I can't fix this on my own. I can't do this to the energy of my flesh.

You see, I just can't. I need to be very much aware of the way I talk. You see, I need to be very careful. I need to be very dependent on the Lord. In fact, how you speak should be part of your regular prayer life. I don't know if it is or not, but one of the things not just confessing when I use hateful or gossiping words, but also in the Lord, I need you to control my tongue because I know from what scripture says, I won't be able to do this on my own. I'll end up saying things that I regret.

We have to realize we need help. And then he says this. He said, with it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the likeness of God. For the same mouth comes both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things should not be this way. God expects more of us. Does a fountain send out of the same opening both fresh and bitter water?

Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? He says, nor can salt water become fresh water. He said, that's who we are. You see, that's the problem that we have. He says, don't you see how this works? Our tongue reveals our hypocrisy.

This is a perfect setting, by the way, for hypocrisy because this is where your tongue is under control. You see, this is where we stand up and we'll all sing, Oh, how we love Jesus. You see, and we're praising God. And then we meet people and see them, and then we get, God bless you. Oh, and God bless you. And then we get in the car. Hey, did you see so-and-so in church today? You know what's going on on earth?

You see what this is? James is like, what are you doing? How can you do that? How can you bless God? And then an hour later, you see, you're using hateful words or gossiping.

How do you do that? He said, God expects better of you than that, better than all of us of that. He said, that's what we have to realize, that we need help in order to conquer it. We need to see it as sin. Number three, we need to use our tongue as an instrument of righteousness. Just what Paul said to the Ephesians, good for edification. I love what the writer of Proverbs says. He said, the tongue of the wise brings the healing.

Boy, that's a wonderful thing. If you can actually speak to people and they're in turmoil and you can heal them, you can give people peace when they didn't have peace. You can give people hope when they didn't have hope, just on the basis of how you talk to them. The scripture says that's a wise person.

That's the power of the tongue. That's why it's such a blessing to have good counsel, somebody who can really lift you up and edify you, somebody whose words help instead of tear you down. Fourthly, examine your motives for sharing information. I've talked about that before. Does it make them look bad?

Does it make you look good? Sometimes, by the way, we like to share information on a personal level because I want people to like me and if I can tell you about something, about somebody who doesn't like me and you don't like them, then you like me more, so maybe I can use that to my benefit. Those are hateful and gossipy words. You see, we need to be a whole lot more concerned about what God thinks about us than what other people think about us. And if you think about that when it comes to your tongue, you won't find yourself gossiping or saying hateful words.

And the last thing I want to say is this. Absolutely refuse to listen to those who share gossip. The last verse, go with me to Proverbs 20 because I want you to see it in verse 19 because it can't be clearer than this. Proverbs 20 and verse 19.

Here's what the writer says. He who goes about as a slander reveals secrets. That's gossip. And then you can highlight this in your Bible. Therefore, do not associate with a gossip.

I don't know how much clearer that could be. Do not associate with a gossip. You see, don't do it. And I've had people over the years tell me things like, well, you know, I don't really set out the gossip, but whenever I have lunch with her or him, we always end up in a conversation and they just start talking. And I find myself sort of getting sucked in. Yes, because it's savory.

It's like, well, this is good. But God says do not associate with a gossip, period. And by the way, with most Christians, we do it so often that we're not even aware we're doing it. So wouldn't it be good to give someone a general rebuke? Like, before you go there, hold up.

Before you go there. I'm not part of the problem or solution. I don't think you are either. I think this is gossip.

I don't want to know. Most Christians would simply, see, that would be a way of reminding them, like, we don't talk like that. That's not what we do.

We're not going to do that. God says do not associate with a gossip. It's a problem of our day because it's become part of our day. There is gossip and hateful words everywhere.

Now with the Internet and everything else that's been involved and all the media that we're stuck with, it's just become part of the American life. A professor at Princeton University ran an experiment about gossip, about its velocity. This was several years ago. And he decided what he would do is he'd take six choice students as a professor, bring them to himself, and tell them he's going to tell them something in secret that no one else should know. Six students. He's their professor. And he told them this. He said that the Duke and the Duchess of Windsor are planning to attend a certain university dance at Princeton and tell no one about this.

Six students. Within a week, over 2,000 students in Princeton had already had the information. In the second week, what they found out is university officials began calling and wanting to know why they don't know about the Duke and Duchess coming. Then in the second week, city officials phoned the university and demanded that they be informed about this.

Then national press agencies were frantically phoning for all the details of the visit of the Duke and the Duchess. Two weeks. The professor observed this. He said that was a pleasant rumor. A slanderous one travels even faster. Isn't that astounding, our capacity to do something just like this? If we want to develop the loving relationships that we should have in the body of Christ, we have to deal with the sin of gossip. If we're doing it, we have to stop it. And if others are doing it, we have to refuse to listen.

Look, I'm all about the idea of telling each other the story of Jesus, but I don't think God's ever intended for us to tell everybody else's story to people unless they're part of the problem or they're part of the solution. Let's pray. Father, my fear is that this is universal among all of us. It becomes a way of life, a way in which we think. We find ourselves listening or propagating information with each other that's damaging and hurtful. Father, I pray that we just simply give an account to you, that we take your words and let no unwholesome word come from our mouth, but we should give the kind of words that edify and give grace to others, that we take that directly from you, that we understand that if you hate gossip, we should too. Father, I pray that we are convicted by our own indulgence into this particular area of sin. I know, Father, we have minimalized it and made it sort of like a white sin, a small one, but it's not small to you and it never has been. Father, I pray that our tongues are used for the good of others and for your glory.

In Christ's name, amen. You've been listening to Pastor Bill Gebhardt on the Radio Ministry of Fellowship in the Word. If you ever miss one of our broadcasts or maybe you would just like to listen to the message one more time, remember that you can go to a great website called oneplace.com. That's oneplace.com and you can listen to Fellowship in the Word online.

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