Your Marriage, On Mission: David & Meg Robbins

Living on this world, there'll be three things that come against us in our marriage. The world itself and forces of culture, our flesh, our own sinful nature, the things that rise up in me, my own story and ingrained sin patterns, that'll come against us, and the enemy himself.

John 10 10, he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today. 1980. Weekend to remember. Yes.

Chicago ballroom. Mm-hmm. Two weeks before our wedding. Yep. What do you remember about going to the weekend to remember?

Bring it, bring it. I remember, you are so cute. I thought that's what you're gonna say. And I couldn't wait to get married, and I thought, I wish a woman would speak at the women's section when we divided up between men and women. But Dennis Rainey gave the talk to the women, and he was fabulous. That's what you remember. That's hilarious. Yeah, it was Dave Sunday.

With the Lord now. And Dennis Rainey did the whole weekend. Here's what I remember. I mean, I remember we were so excited to get married, and we just thought this would prepare us for marriage. I was not prepared for one of the things they said about marriage, which was, marriage is bigger than you being happy.

That was a takeaway for me. Like, I thought it was just about us being in love, and we're gonna love each other and have kids, and we're gonna impact the world. It was like, no, there's a bigger, bigger mission that God has for your marriage. You don't remember that? What I remember about that is the spiritual battle they talked about, and I was thinking, what? Spiritual battle? We're just gonna be in love and happy.

There's no spiritual battle going on. Well, today we're gonna talk about that. And we got the perfect couple in the studio. We do.

David and Meg Robbins are back in the studio at Family Life today. Should I say, welcome to Family Life today? I mean, you own this place. You run this place. Two things.

We own nothing, we get to steward, and we are in definition of not perfect. So, glad that that intro bombed. But we are glad to be here with you guys, because we have a blast every time we get to join in. And I love 1980, because that's the year Meg was born. Can we edit out 1980? Let's just say we went to a conference a long time ago. So, now we know how old Meg is. So, welcome to Family Life, but we're gonna talk about the mission of marriage.

You know, what it is about. So, when you guys got married, did you have the same thoughts we did? You know, we had dated a really long time. I was in ministry already.

Meg was still a student. We were waiting for her to graduate before, actually, it was the middle of your senior year that we got married. And so, there was a very mission part of what we were doing, and you wanted to join in in ministry and omission because of your own calling. I mean, that was part of our journey in dating. Yeah, David was already kind of all in serving in ministry, and I wanted to be a part of that, but I also knew I want this to be something the Lord has for me, and I want to know that. And so, I had spent some time just kind of seeking the Lord and asking that, kind of laying that before him.

And in God's kindness, he had definitely made that clear. But I think we came into marriage with that being a little bit of our perspective of our lives, but I don't know that we were thinking that our actual marriage could be a place of living on mission. Well, it's interesting, too, because as we considered our marriage, Dave, you remember our wedding invitations? We basically had the entire gospel on our invitation. We had scripture, yes.

And so, we did have this heart of, we want to reach the world for Christ. Yeah, but it was in our invitation, it was in our mind, but I think as we sat there at the weekend to remember, and I think a lot of couples still today, you know, we all speak at the weekend to remember, and so many of them sit out there, and I think they're like, we want to be happy. In fact, I'm sitting beside the person I think will make me happy. We call them the one. The one that, what, makes us happy?

And there's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully, we are happy, but I don't think most even Christian couples, when they get married, are thinking big picture, God wants to reveal himself to the world through our marriage. I mean, I think it's like, okay, I want to do that, but what I really want to do, I want to be happy. I want you to make me happy, and if you don't, it's not gonna go well.

Am I right? Yeah, I mean, I think one of the things we have to grow into is realizing that being on mission together, and actually the give-and-take of that, not just my version of mission of what I, that was a huge part of us, is really a give-and-take of who are we together, and what is our marriage meant to reflect together, not just my unique gifts, her unique gifts, but the team us that we have, and how does God want a steward bringing our lives together. Often Pete Scazzero talks about it this way, he says, your marriage can be the loudest gospel message you have, because it is meant to reflect Jesus's pursuit of us. He is the husband, and the body of Christ is the bride, and so a husband and a wife can uniquely reflect the gospel and pursuit in a way that not many other pitchers out there can, and so it is meant to ripple and reflect, but often, like you're saying, Dave, I have a friend who skydived on her 50th birthday, and she talks about like going down, skydiving, and it was the best experience ever. She had dreamed of this, and she's going down, her face is flapping, you know, and she has the picture, and her, the tandem partner that she had like grabbed her head, pulled it up against the wind to the right, and there was the most gorgeous sunset she had ever seen off to the right that she was missing, because she was having a blast, and it was happy, and it was good, and there's ups and downs in marriage, but yeah, we're living our life, this is good, we're making it work, and yet God, while you're, you know, in tandem, making it work, wants to actually lift your eyes to even a bigger purpose that is a loud gospel message that can be a beautiful thing.

I'm thinking too, David, as you say that, I think we do miss it. When, if you ask anyone on the street, what is the purpose of marriage, what do you guys think they'd say? We have videos and data on this, actually, you know, and there is that pursuit of happiness, there's companionship, you know, intimacy comes in their own family, and maybe you'll get like generations, I want to make a difference with, and those are all good, really good things. In some ways I think it's what you just, I've never heard that skydiving illustration, but here's what I thought, it is all connected to what you're looking at, and I think what we do in marriage is we look at our spouse, because we think, like I said earlier, like they're gonna make us happy, and we don't look somewhere else, so when they don't, I mean I can't tell you how many people when we speak around the country or even when our book came out, Vertical Marriage, people direct messaged us and said, I think I married the wrong person, and we knew what they meant. I married the person I thought would make me happy, I'm not as happy as I thought I'd be in marriage, so I think I married the wrong person, and our answer was always the same, you didn't marry the wrong person, you're looking in the wrong place, it's like our eyes are here, rather than go vertical, whatever you want to say it, if we get our eyes on God, it changes the whole question of marriage, right? Yeah, and I think too, like you know, it's not a bad thing that we're so attracted to each other in that process and leading up to marriage, we're experiencing joy and happiness and hope and excitement, it's just that that's not going to be the fulfilling thing, and if we keep looking for that joy, hope, fulfillment, a sense of purpose from only our spouse, like you're saying, if our eyes are fixed on them, we're gonna miss out, and we will be disappointed, because Dave is human, and I'm human, and I'm gonna disappoint him, and I'm not made to meet every need that he has, and yeah, we have to keep our eyes lifted to the Lord and what he has for us, and he has so much more, so much, oh this is gonna be so awesome, we're gonna have such a happy life, you know, I mean, we all know life is hard, but let's get real on this, as we seek to be marriages that are on mission, and I think a lot of people listening right now are like, that's my heart, I want that, I want that for my home and my marriage and my family, and we talk about it a lot at Family Life, we love helping people, you know, fight the drift and halt the drift of isolation, the currents of life are gonna draw you apart, help them grow in oneness to God and to one another, but yet lift their eyes to a horizon line that goes beyond the oneness in their home, because it's meant to ripple out and to impact their corner of the world and the people God has put around you, that's the invitation of the Great Commission in Matthew 28, that's the invitation of 2 Corinthians 5 of, you know, being ambassadors of Christ, your home can be an embassy for the Lord and in a powerful way, but yet as we've sought to live this out intentionally, it often brings some of the biggest strife, because I start getting into performance mode of what I think it should look like, Meg starts feeling pressure in certain ways of, okay, we need to live out hospitality like this, and it can start making you lose your first love, I mean that's one of the things I think is really important to consider, and Dave you said it as you were framing this up, that it is about falling in love with Jesus so much and going vertical in such an intense way, an extreme way, that you can't help but express it out to the world around you, because in your own life, in your own soul, in you as a couple, you're pursuing Jesus with everything you got, and when that happens, it's meant to flow out of you, and there's an authentic expression, and for us sometimes mission has become duty, and I think you have to get really honest when you're doing it because you're supposed to, or because this is what we do, and you know there's a faithfulness and steadfastness of continuing to have a focus on others, but those are those moments that I think we get to get around with other people and get honest, and pull together in community and go, okay, we're kind of like just going out and burning out a little bit, let's get back in community, let's look to the word again, let's pursue our first love, and yes we want to be on mission, but let's do that in the context of being vulnerable with others, we're kind of burning ourselves out and lifting your eyes to, okay Lord, I want to keep you as my first love, and from that place express your love to other people. Let me ask you guys, if this is one of the purposes of marriage, is being on mission together to show the gospel to the world, and then we talk about this epic spiritual battle taking place, does that create a target on a healthy marriage from the enemy, Satan?

I mean I would say yes for sure, and I mean God promises us in this world you will have troubles. Yes, I think when we are taking steps of faith and moving toward other people with just love and generosity and care for the sake of wanting them to know the Jesus that we know, the enemy hates that, that is the risk, there's a cost for that, just whether that's things that come up between us and the stupid fights that we might get into when we're trying to just get our house cleaned up so we can have somebody over, you know, and then we kind of realize like, okay, we don't really have to have a perfect house to have people over. But, you know, you kind of get these things in your head and the enemy uses sometimes the dumbest things, but sometimes really painful things to drive a wedge between us and make us feel like who are we to even think our marriage is reflecting Jesus the way it's gonna impact others. But yet the truth of the gospel and the truth of who Jesus is for us is that we are his, and because of what he's done, he can use us at any point no matter if we're arguing when our neighbors walk in the door, you know, I mean it doesn't matter. Living on this world, there'll be three things that come against us in our marriage. The world itself and forces of culture, our flesh, our own sinful nature, the things that rise up in me, my own story and ingrained sin patterns, that'll come against us, and the enemy himself. John 10 10, he comes to still kill and destroy.

That is a reality. And so us knowing that as we're seeking to be on mission and in the center of God's will, seeking to live out the invitation to participate with God and grow in his kingdom, and what an incredible invitation. We get to be a part of extending the front porch of the kingdom of God, you know, bringing his kingdom on earth as it is in heaven to our little corner of the world, investing in one person here, a neighbor there, being able to see them for who they are and their unique realities. We get to enter in into their world what glimpses of glory of the kingdom of God that is. And then to be able to invite people with the gospel into the kingdom, yes, the enemy will come against that. And that's where I would just say doing it in community or as you're taking steps of faith, bringing others in. And this is why at Family Life we have consistently through decades brought small group resources or event resources where you can host an event or if you need a season to grow, grab a resource that we have and bring others with you and go, I just need a season of receiving. Would you come in our home and let's let's do this small group together or let's take a day and go through this in an event format and let's see what the Lord has.

Let's receive together from the Lord. And that's why we're really excited about the newest resource that Family Life has. We've been working on it for over two years. It's the new art of marriage. It's so exciting.

It's so exciting and it's good. Yeah, you know, there's some resources we have where you get a team of people and you go, six months ago. There's others where there's kind of a weight and sacredness to it where you go, okay God, that first art of marriage was really a groundbreaking resource. There was really not much like it.

We had multiple teachers. It was over 12 years ago that the first art of marriage was released. Isn't that amazing?

I know. Millions have gone through it, over a million for sure and that's, we don't even know the people globally in different languages exactly. Hundreds of thousands of leaders, whether that's in the event format or in a small group setting, have guided people through, other couples through the art of marriage. It was time for an update and this one has a unique angle that I am so excited for people to get to experience and how it pulls couples toward the Lord and helps you fall in love with the Lord again and then pulls you together to have conversations that, you know, it's the magic of it.

It just prompts out conversations that people otherwise usually wouldn't have and it's a phenomenal resource that's now available. You said unique angle. What's that?

You know, I was really grateful that the team that was working on this, one of the burdens they had was, how do we not just make it the first art of marriage? The classic version. Yeah. And that version is still available if you end up liking that version better.

It'll still be available for you. It has been used all around the world. During their creative process, it was as they got into it that was birthed this, okay, they're taking six words for love, three Greek, three Hebrew, and it really unpacks God's design around love and love in a marriage and particularly how that gets expressed and we're talking about today, the succession is around a word around mission and that your marriage does have a greater purpose and so it is unique. It has all the components people love of multiple teachers and creative elements that are really fun but the angle is different and I'm grateful for how the team really trusted the process and God birthed something that was really cool. We haven't seen all of it but we've seen sessions and my litmus test is always will our kids like it and want to go through that.

Our kids are a little older than your kids. As I watch it, I thought our kids would think this is great and that means a lot when your kids like it, your neighbors, non Christians, I think will love it. It's beautiful and so to hear like, wait there's a mission for marriage, I think as we're talking about this one session people want to know what that is. I think we should play a little teaser.

Check it out. I expected to have a husband who would cook and clean and lead us spiritually and always be patient and be kind, also be a great leader. And she got it. Get ready for the light of your life.

I'm absolutely 100% convinced that we would absolutely be divorced were it not for the gospel. I like having sex. Can I say that? I can't say that. I think you can say that. They can always cut it.

You can cut it. I'm gonna say God wants to use you. Your life is a canvas. Jesus is the artist. He wants to create something beautiful.

I promise you we will be showing that in our family room with couples sitting all around on couches. Literally watching God work. That's the joy of a tool like that. It's just like God says, here just use it and watch me do what I do. And He will.

It's gonna be pretty cool. I love when you do take tools like that and use them and you don't have to come up with what to say or where to go with this conversation. But my favorite part is the conversation that happens around the living room or around the table after you watch a session and then talk about it and just to see the things that God does. A resource is just a resource without the people setting the table, inviting the people, showing love and hospitality, following up conversations later, asking people's story.

Not just that they received content but diving into what stirred. The resources set the table in a beautiful way for you to actually as a couple live on mission together and in very tangible easy ways. And you have people that do it in so many different ways. It can be I'm gonna do this in my church and you know do an official room and trust God for something big with a lot of decorations. It can be inviting three people over for a day and saying let's do this all day or to your house. Or a small group that goes on weekly. It's meant to be adapted to all those different types of spaces or even a mentoring relationship that you have with one other couple. I'm laughing because you don't know this David and Meg but we I think it was the yard of marriage but we had a marriage small group in our house using a family life tool decades ago. I know because my oldest who's 37 was 16.

Okay. So we have people drive in our driveway and this one couple you could tell they're so nervous. They'd never been a small group. They're at the pastor's house you know we're gonna do this thing on marriage.

You remember this? And they sit down and I can just tell they're super nervous. And their daughter was gonna go to a youth group that night with our kids. Yeah.

And she'd never been to anything like that. And so long story short our 16 year old. She got in our son's car. Yeah he backs up. We hear him. Back right into their car. I mean right behind me I hear his crunch and they look at me I'm like that was our son hitting your car.

You know what they came back the next week. I do remember sitting there thinking God can you use us? Can you use our home? Can you use our broken family? Can you use and the greatest thing about us we had a tool. It was plug-and-play and the yard of marriage is plug-and-play. We're laughing at that story you know which but it really is normalizing it gives me so much hope that we don't have to make it perfect you know even when a catastrophe happens.

God can still use that of course. It kind of frees me up a lot that like the bar doesn't have to be so high. It's just get some people together put the video on and talk about it.

And also as you listen to that clip these marriages are not perfect. People can listen and watch and say they are me. We are experiencing and saying those same things and then it tees you up to but what does God say about this? What does God have for us? What does God have for our whole family? And so I think it sometimes you wonder like can I be confident in what I'm gonna present to my neighbors? I think so and we're kind of picky.

I will say the cheese factor is non-existent or at best the lowest I've ever seen in a small group. It is so creative and so good. I have a really high bar for that and I'm so pleased. So hey Dave will you go into just the thought around you say it often for someone who's listens often they probably have heard you say it but I think it captures so well as we ponder looking up and going God you would use us and our story is broken and messed up as it is like we have to embrace that our brokenness and others brokenness is not a barrier to Jesus it's actually a bridge and as we process our own brokenness with Jesus and it overflows out the beauty of the believing this gospel that we don't deserve it and we get to keep experiencing intimacy with him from that place we do get to have an impact and you have a great way of saying that that I think it always sticks in my mind. I think you're thinking to make a dent with your son? I didn't want to steal your thunder. I don't think that's an original thought with me maybe it is I don't know but I do know you know when you think about the original art of marriage what we're calling art of marriage classic when family life asked us to be a part of that the only reason we're sitting right here in the studio is we said yeah we'll tell this story and it was the worst moment of our marriage and when that moment happened and many people know as our 10th anniversary when Ann said I've lost my feelings for you so we were in trouble my thought in that Honda Accord that night was no one will ever hear this story if we make it this will just be something we just keep below the surface because at that time in church you didn't share weakness or brokenness it was sort of plastic perfect and so there was that thought I literally had that thought well just this if we make it this will just be our story and now it's been heard by probably millions as you said and it's like that's what God does he loves to take our pain and say this is actually gonna be how I'm gonna use you not the good it's gonna be the the hard and the mess and so when you think about make a dent where your sin is this like wherever God places us whether it's on a video through art of marriage or in a studio or in a neighborhood or in a cul-de-sac or an apartment building or on a sports field with other parents whose kids are playing sports with you he wants to use your life and your marriage to make a dent that's the way I say it I'm a preacher so I had to rhyme where your sin and the funny thing is people always come up to me when I'd say that because it became something I said regularly over 30 years of preaching and often they would say well we know where you're sent you're sent to be a preacher you're a radio host you're I'm not sent like you're sent where you are so wherever you are in your corner of the world like wake up tomorrow like today's a day I'm sent yeah you're a sent one and in your business or in the in an uber car wherever it is it's like God wants to use you and your marriage and your even your family to impact others with the gospel and you are the light of Jesus where you are so that's that's the mission of your marriage I think this has been a really fun conversation it's not one that you have very often of what is the purpose of marriage and the tool that we're offering this small group curriculum however we want to use it I think it can make a difference in your neighborhood in your church in your community we're really excited about it I'm Shelby Abbott you've been listening to David and Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on family life today yeah at the beginning of this month we released an all-new art of marriage you just heard David and Meg talking about how art of marriage can be used to make a dent where you're sent and it features a diverse array of new couples and artists who over the course of six sessions unpack six biblical words that describe God's love for us and how each can be displayed through our messy imperfect marriages yes even your messy imperfect marriage so whether you're a newlywed or you've been married for decades family life's art of marriage is your path to a stronger more beautiful masterpiece of God's handiwork so you can go to the show notes right now or art of marriage calm to learn more and grab your leader kit today we're excited to share the all new art of marriage with you and hear your marriage and impact stories again you can go to art of marriage calm or look for our link in the show notes tomorrow we're gonna explore the transformative power of vulnerability in marriage which can be very scary but it's also essential David and Meg Robbins are back with David and Wilson tomorrow to talk about just that we hope you'll join us on behalf of David and Wilson I'm Shelby Abbott we'll see you back next time for another edition of family life today family life today is a donor supported production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most