I Want to Punch You in the Face (But I Love Jesus): Sherri Lynn

Hey, Shelby Abbott here. Just want to give a heads up before you listen to this next program. Today's conversation on Family Life Today covers some sensitive but important subjects that might not be suitable for younger ears. So please use discretion when listening to this next broadcast.

All right, now let's jump into it. Tampons. And I didn't even know this. Yeah, I didn't tell you. But anyway, they had like four that were unwrapped and the two year old granddaughter lifted it up in the air and she said, I get to use these some day. But you don't. And she said that to her brother.

She really did. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, girl. I hope you have that kind of enthusiasm.

About 12 years from now or 10 years from now. Exactly. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com.

This is Family Life Today. Well, I'm just sitting there thinking, our listeners are like, where in the world are we going today? We have two women in the studio laughing about this and a guy over here going, yep, we're going there. We're going to talk about that time of the month. Yeah, because we have Sherri Lynn Beck with us in the studio today. I honor you guys for even wanting to discuss this.

I really do. I think people shy away from it because men don't know what it is. And so how do you even talk about it?

Women know what it is, but you don't want to be perceived as making an excuse for poor behavior. And so we all don't talk about it. And it's the majority as women. It's the majority of our lives. The majority of our lives. How can we not discuss it? Well, the truth is, I was told I get fired if we didn't do this. So here we are.

By any means necessary. And we may think it only affects women, but it affects all of us. Because men are affected by our emotions, by what we're going through, by a lot of different things hormonally that we as women experience that men don't. That's right. And there's, I mean, there's obviously a cycle to it all, right? So in the beginning of our lives, when we're teenagers, the middle of our lives, you know, a lot of women are having children, then, you know, as things are wrapping up and now you have a whole new thing that you have to battle, hot flashes and all that. It is your life. And so to have to hide that or not talk about it or pretend like it doesn't impact anything. I'm sorry.

I just don't think that that is something God would require me. Don't talk about that. And it goes back to something you said last time we were talking and it's the shame. The enemy likes darkness for shame. He likes to whisper that it's just you. You whisper that, you know, you're the only one going through it or you overreact more than anybody else.

And so what we do is we shine the light of God on it. We're not giving excuses. I had someone say that to me.

Well, I don't like talking about it because it makes it feel like we're giving excuses for being emotional. I'm not. I'm saying this is a thing.

It's real. Right. And then whatever I allow the Holy Spirit to do, how I yield and let this mind be in me that was also in Christ Jesus, I have to still do all of those things. I also have to acknowledge that the way God made me, that it's going to be a little more difficult in some times.

Sometime in a month it's going to be a little more difficult. We need to rely on the Holy Spirit even more. That's right. That is absolutely right. Which is why women are so spiritual. I think so.

I think that's what it is. That's what the show is really about. That's why we're here. We're so mature.

This is why we're so mature. Well, I don't know if you're that spiritual, because Sherri, the title of your book, we mentioned this yesterday, but the book about PMS is titled I Want to Punch You in the Face, but I Love Jesus. Best title ever. I will be honest. I didn't really think that through. I didn't think what that was going to feel like every time I did an interview or every time I got on stage and had to say it.

Like I thought, oh, you might have want to thought that through a little better, but here we are. But Sherri, when you talk to groups of women, like at a conference, what happens to your books? Sell out.

Always sell out. Because? Because no one's talking about it. And because it's fun and it's funny.

I put a big picture one time on the screen. It's in the book of a hot dog that I ate during this time of the month where you become a little more ravenous. I mean, one of your chapters is called Fatty Patty.

Fatty Patty. That's right. Because that's one of the things with the pressure of weight and an image and all of that for women to have this time where you want to eat every single thing in the world.

Right. Or when you are going to get bigger because of water retention or whatever. And you like literally, guys, one day you could be one weight.

Men, please hear me. It's true. On the 20th of the month, I can weigh one weight. On the 21st, I am five pounds heavier. Five pounds.

How in the world did that happen? And your clothes don't fit quite as well. That is exactly right.

And if you are already uncomfortable in your skin, this is just going to happen. It's added to it, right? So I thought, well, let's talk about that because you want to eat everything in the world. I asked women, what's the fattest thing you ate?

And it's listed there. I have a whole list of things. I couldn't put them all in there. Some of them were so wonderful. And I started with my own, which was this hot dog that was fried and then dipped in cheese twice and then fried again so that the cheese calcified all over the hot dog and with bacon and also fries and a milkshake.

And I did not feel bad about any of it. And then we went out for donut ice cream afterwards where they had this donut and they would put ice cream on top of it. And so that was my biggest fatty patty thing. And then I asked women and they just said it. And it takes the shame away. There it is.

All of us, oh, I didn't do that. I had one lady say she took her kids brownies and went in the bathroom and locked the door and they know. Oh, that's a mom thing right there. Like I'm going to be in the bathroom by myself with the pan of brownies. Your pan of brownies.

Yeah, that I made for you. And I'm going to come back out and the pan is going to be empty and I don't want any questions. So having that kind of camaraderie and understanding and hearing that women go, everyone is going through it, removes the shame because I do. Fear and shame are two of the biggest weapons of the enemy. Yeah.

Right. That you're afraid that you're different. Everybody says you're ashamed.

But man, the light of Christ will blast that out. And so that's why I believe in being really, really honest, being really, really frank. That's why I love you guys, because you're like that. This is the thing. This is what it is.

People are set free with the truth. Exactly. Well, here's the thing. I mean, we talked about this a little bit yesterday and you have a chapter on it. Men don't, we don't get it. Right.

Even as I hear you talk, I'm still like, I'm not sure I understand. Yeah. So it's Friday and we do Friday fives. Yeah. So we thought today could be the five things husbands, and this could be men, but husbands should not do or say during that time of the month.

Men, this is our gift to you. Like, you might have wanted to check out, but you need to check in. Right. Right. Yeah. So Sherri, you got one?

I do. The first one is do not under any circumstances use the R word. Now the R word is relax. I know that makes perfect sense to you.

I know that you're looking and you're like, that's the answer. She needs to relax. Hey, brother, brother in Christ, I'm not telling you you're wrong.

I'm just telling you, if you'd like to live to see your kids tomorrow, don't do it. Relax. The female interpretation of relax is attack. When we hear that, just think of an interpreter.

When I hear that, it's attack. That doesn't make any sense. Exactly. So don't say it.

That's my first thing. I know it's the thing you want to say. Do you think we don't know inside we need to relax?

Do you think that we don't know this is a total overreaction? I am sitting outside of my body like, shut up. But I can't. All right.

So work with me here. But relax. What do you think is going to happen? Like if you say, oh, won't you relax?

Do you think she's going to be like, that's the answer. Thank you. Oh, my goodness.

I wanted to, but I couldn't. But now that you said it, it's almost like let there be light. Your words are just like God.

It created something out of nothing. And let's just say dads, dads of your teenage girls. Oh, it is. You light that fuse and it's like the pit bull could come out. Because she has so much less experience. She doesn't know that. That's why I wrote the book.

Give it to her. Well, the truth is, I mean, Sherri, when you said this, do you think we don't know we need to relax? We do think you don't see how irrational being. I mean, that's.

Sherri, you don't know this, but this is one of our biggest fights. Okay. This word. Not anymore. You used to use it all the time.

All the time. And you know, like I'm strong and I can be pretty intense. Yeah, yeah. And so for Dave to say, relax. It is like lighting the fuse. You know what?

When you said that word is attacked us. I'm like, you're right. Yeah. That's what happened. That's what she did. I don't know why I kept saying it every time. She's like running across the kitchen. Like, you told me to relax? How sure you want to relax? It's like, but I'm like, that's what I mean right there.

How stupid could I be? I kept saying it every day. For men.

Some of you men are like, okay, I never knew this. Yeah, let's not say it. So that is a big one that, and again, the diagnosis may be correct. That's good.

She does need to relax. Just know you saying it is not going to make that happen. I just want to hear you do a man's voice again. Grant always says to me, why do we all have to talk like that? So when I do a man's voice, I'm like... And he's like, why?

That's not how it works. And we didn't say it at the beginning, but you and Brant Hansen are on the radio every day. You have a podcast.

Brant and Sheri Oddcast. Yes. And we have been doing that show for like 11 years. It's been 11 years.

Yeah, it's been 11 years. And if you haven't heard it, let me tell you, it's fabulous. You'll laugh like you are right now. I appreciate that. And it's also deep.

You dig into stuff. And spiritual. Yeah. Well, that's the point of it all is that we want people to have that full experience of who we actually are. So when people say, you guys laugh too much on the show. He says, you have no idea what happens when we're done recording. There have been times literally we've been in the studio and we have laughed for like a half hour about something so ridiculous. Like PMS? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he's not really laughing, but I am. May I say this actually, one time he said to me, you're always so kind.

Because I asked him about this book. Do I ever bring this here? Because I fight not to bring it here. We call her Patty Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS is who I say my alter ego when PMS is. Do you walk in the room and say, Patty's here today? I don't want that.

I don't want to be known as that. So I asked him, do I bring this here? You can tell me like, you know, Hey, there are certain times in a month where I can't even ask you a question without you losing it. And he said to me, which was one of the greatest compliments I've ever had. He said, you are always kind to me, always kind to me. And he said, but there are times that I can tell you're digging a little deeper to be kind. Ooh. That's a compliment.

It's such a wonderful compliment that you see the effort because guys, I am telling you it is effort. Every hormone in your body is raging in the opposite direction. And so to be able to feel inside you guys, think of what chemically rushes in you and causes you to want to go in another direction. Think about that.

I'll leave it to you. That's what we're dealing with for five, sometimes seven, sometimes 10, whatever days that I am literally fighting against my body. My body is my enemy, right? And I'm fighting against it, not wanting to hurt the person. And I see in front of me that I love, I love with all my heart and I can't stand you. And I don't know why it's irrational, but it's true.

I don't want your breathing too loud. I mean, you're in the fight. I have to fight.

And so then the thing about crucifying your flesh, that's where it really, for me, now this is what discipleship is about. I do have a theory and I can't prove it. I have done unofficial surveys to confirm it. Here's my theory.

And I'd love listeners to email in and tell me if they think I, if they're right. Women have a cycle, monthly cycle. I think men do.

Here's what I'm talking about. Not a menstrual cycle, obviously. I think there's a sexual temptation cycle that men, because, and again, I've asked at least hundreds, just here and there, men I know, even strangers, like, is there times during the month where you feel like I'm feeling like I could be tempted to look at something. Other times you could throw something right in front of me, but it's almost, and again, is it like monthly?

Yeah. Guys will say, yeah, it feels like monthly. And so, and again, if I'm right, if I'm right, it's like, guys, when you feel that, you better lock it down. Make sure you're accountable. Make sure, you know what I'm saying? You just got to be careful. I'm not saying that I care for every second of every day, but again, I don't know if I'm right or not, but there's a male thing, I'm sure maybe female too, in that area. But in the temptation area as a man, there's times where you feel like it's coming on.

Well, and not only that, but as women become menopausal, I remember I was in my early forties speaking at marriage conference and this older woman came up, she was probably in her mid fifties, and she said, girl, you have got to talk about hormonal fluctuation and just your hormones being out of whack. I said, really? You think I should? She goes, well, let me tell you what happened to the mall last week. Something is wrong with me because I'm at the mall with my family, my teenage kids, we're all walking around. She goes, and they keep saying, mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store.

And there is a point where they were bugging me so bad that I'm in the middle of the mall and you know how they have those cute little display tables for Christmas? She said, I scream at the top of my voice, I don't want to go there. And she said, I take, and she cursed. And then she takes the table and she flips it. She did a Jesus in the temple.

There it is. She flipped the tables in the mall. And she said, her husband came up to her quietly and he just said, honey, we need to get you some help. We need to get you to the doctor. And she said, my doctor just did some blood tests. See how my hormones work?

And he said, I don't even know how you've been functioning. And so this stuff is real. It physically affects us.

It is. I remember going to the doctor and her starting to tell me things that, oh, yes, that is exactly what I'm doing. That's exactly what I'm feeling. Then you are able to regulate it and it's like, oh, okay, this is happening to my body. And I know if men don't understand that because it's not happening to them, if you could just understand this is not psychological. This is physiological.

This is happening to my body. And you love that woman in front of you, right? If something was raging to come and get her, you'd put your body in front of her to stop it, right?

That's what's happening. So if you could have compassion, you may not be able to have empathy, but if you could have compassion in that way, just like this, I mean, you've literally made a fool of all of us in the mall and I come up to you and I say, hey, we probably need to get you some help, right? So if you could just feel that instead of the relax is really more about you than it is her, right? That's like, I want this to end instead of what is best for her at this moment because it is a woman that you love, right?

And she doesn't want to be going through it any more than you want to be on the other side of it. All right. Number two. Friday five, we just got one. Yep. And we've only got, it's okay. Okay.

We got to fly. Okay. What's two?

You go. No, I'm talking to two women. You're not going to have any? Well, I have one. Okay.

The only one I thought of is guys don't during this time of the month say to your wife, let's have sex. Oh. I mean, I'm not, well, here's what we do. I'm single, so I'm going to sit this one out and listen to two of you. We don't say, cause we know that, but there's a, you know, there can be a temptation to say, it's all about me, so I understand we, you know, but can you just take care of me? That is so selfish. That is so, I don't really care what you're going through. Put it aside. It can't be that big a deal.

Just you know, it's just like, this is one week or three days or five days or maybe it's 10 days. Yeah. You just love your wife. How can I serve you?

Yeah. How can I be your partner in this? How can I, again, it's like the, it's like, don't say relax. The opposite of relax would be, tell me more.

What does this feel like? How can I be a partner rather than trying to make you do what I want even though it's not the right time of the month for you? I like it. Yeah. Look at that.

See how quick a guy can explain something? Yeah. And then it's over. Right. Okay.

Let's go back to you guys. Well, mine is similar to all these are things not to say of anything about why do you have to be so emotional? And there's a part of it like this is, this is personal. Okay, good. She's coming after me right now.

And I am enjoying the dynamic between the two of you, I wish I had some popcorn. And I tend to not be generally very emotional. And I'm not saying that it's bad to be emotional, but I'm pretty steady.

But when he comes in- Steady? She cries maybe once a year. Okay. Like when she cries, I'm dead. It's bad. Actually, I'm like that too.

Are you really? Like if someone says, if I'm crying, something's like, everybody clear the room. But, but you say that, but our listeners are thinking she cries all the time.

I know. In our interviews- But I mean, in our marriage, if you're crying about something, it's- I used to cry way more. I've hurt you deeply. So in terms of being very emotional, high and low, you're not.

You're pretty steady. Oh, so just to say, why do you have to be so emotional? That what's that saying to me is stop having any emotion because this is making me feel uncomfortable. I hate that.

And so during that time of month, I might be more emotional. And so instead of saying, why do you have to be so hurt to say that to your daughter, your teenage daughter? Oh my goodness. That's like death to her. Yeah. And that's a shaming word.

It is. And she doesn't know what's happening to her yet. She's young, so she doesn't know. So to do that is to not just invalidate her feelings because she's young and she's growing and she doesn't get it yet. You're almost invalidating her. You know what I mean? That's what she feels.

Yes. It's a put down that she's going to have to try to rage against. Man, do all you can to support her during that time until she understands her body, until she starts to understand her emotions. Some of us, it took us to our thirties, we're on the other side, almost out of it. We're like, oh, okay, now I get it.

So at that age, you have no idea what's happening to you. And even when they're crying, when girls are crying and wives are crying, just be with her. Don't judge it or be like, oh, it's that time of month again. That sets us on fire, man.

Or it makes us run away in shame and that here I am failing again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I hope guys are taking notes. This is good. So we got three. Okay. Three. I have one more. Oh, mine are funny.

You guys were really serious. You're having another one? Now that's food. It doesn't matter what it is. Another wing, another piece of pizza, another piece of chocolate. I don't care what it is. This isn't just that time of month. Please don't ask me. You're having another one?

Just let me be, please. And then this is in conjunction with that. A lot of us have go-to outfits during this time, right?

These are things I never thought we'd talk about on a hook. But it's true, right? Yes, it's true. You have a go-to outfit that is stretchy. This is a thing?

Yes. It's not going to make me feel uncomfortable. I look a little slimmer in it. It's not buttoned. It's not whatever it is. Okay. Now let me tell you something guys. I will rock that outfit every doggone day.

I don't care. I'll be putting a washer dryer. I'm wearing it again. Do not say that again.

Didn't you have that on yesterday? If she has the same outfit on for two days. Say you look good, girl, on that outfit. Get a clue. I love that outfit on you.

Yes. Brad, that's going to help you out. Carol, you're looking good. I love when you wear that. Will you wear it again tomorrow? Fifth day, let's go for six. Actually, that's true when I come home from work. I might put that on 20 days in a row.

That again, don't do that. We have a go-to outfit that doesn't make us feel bloated. Just one? Doesn't make us feel... You may have one, two, or three, but you're going to rotate. There are pants that are dedicated for this time. They're not tight.

They are not tight, but especially with the leggings and everything, I know we had a bunch of discussion about how, oh, is that modest? I'm like, hey, look, let me tell you something. That makes you feel good about you. That's right.

No, is it lying? You're not really that skinny when you look at me. You're feeling good until you see that picture of somebody, they're like, oh. Those are skinny pants on a non-skinny girl.

I understand that for myself. However, they make me feel good. I'm going to wear them so that I can feel good about myself, and I would tell a guy not just to support that.

Don't question it, but support it. Say, wow, I love when you wear that. You're going to go far with that.

That is good advice. You're going to go far with that. That is so good. All right, what's your last one? That was my last one.

Those were my two. Yeah, I got one more. Okay.

Oh, okay. Can yours be funny, like hers? That's so much pressure, Dave. Well, I guess I don't have one more. Mine was more serious again.

No, go ahead. I like the serious. I know. We need the serious.

I thought, at least I do this, I don't know if all guys do, but when you start even talking about this subject, there's a part of me, and I would say to husbands, don't do this. Don't say, I don't want to talk about this. Yeah. Like, it's almost like- Wait, I have to say, like, as soon as we started reading the book, Sherry Day's like, I'm out. I'm out.

I'm not doing this. Well, I remember, you know, even as a young dad, again, I had three sons being with my buddies, like Rob and Michelle, and they had daughters, and they'd start talking about this dinner table like this is a normal thing of their lives, which it is, and I'd be like, I'm going out and shooting baskets. I mean, seriously, this felt, it just felt, oh, again, I didn't grow up with it. My mom never talked about it, so it was like it was over there, and I didn't have to deal with it, and the reason I bring this up is husbands don't do that, because this is the world that your women live in, and teach your sons this, but the other reason I thought this is sort of serious is the church won't talk about it either. Like the fact that you wrote this book and a publisher won't touch it, it's because it's in Christian world, and churches are going to be like, no, it's important to talk about, but it's like this is something that should be talked about.

It's how God made us. And it's our lives. It's our lives, and so if you love that woman, it's a part of her life, and so Brandt, again, said something so wonderful, he was talking about this issue with his wife, and he said to himself, no, this is what you wanted. You ask God for a wife, you ask God for a human woman, that's what she is, this is what she goes through, and so you care about that, because you care about her, and you can't take a piece of her, a big, huge piece of her, and say, I don't want to talk about that, when it's the majority of her life, and it's going to disrupt her life every single month for every single year that you all are together, you know how much you're dismissing of her? If you love her, this is a part of that, and learn about it as much as you can. I mean, I was thinking, because again, I shy away from that, if a husband said to his wife, or a dad said to his daughter, at the right age, hey, tell me how this makes you feel, this whole thing of your life, would that make the wife feel honored?

And the daughter. The wife, yes, but your daughter is going to just melt, because that means dad, I mean, because she's hearing other guys make fun of it, she's hearing other guys shame her for it. If her father comes and says, tell me what this feels like, how can dad make this better?

What can dad do for you so that it's not that difficult? You have opened something there, not just physically, you've opened something spiritually, because the Bible said, one of the funniest lines in the Bible to me is when Jesus says, and if you being evil, that's so funny to me, because he's looking at people, if you being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more does your heavenly father? You open something up that if my earthly father is willing to sit down and talk to me about something that doesn't actually affect him, but affects me to a point and I don't understand why, then how much more does my heavenly father care?

You're opening up a really, really good channel there for her and her heavenly father. Because of this never talked about, which was my family, I felt shame. Like I need to keep it a secret.

I wish it would have been openly talked about. And then had my dad said that to me, I would have probably cried. Oh my gosh, you'll collapse into tears. And you can acknowledge, I know this is weird, right? I know that dad doesn't get it and dad wants to understand this part. This is a big part of you, honey, and it's going to be. So now explain to me, take her off for ice cream, take her off for something. Now explain to me what you're going through. And I want you to know every month when you are going through this, if there is a part that is just wrecking you, the door is open.

You can come to me and talk to me about, I won't understand it physically, but because I love you, I'm going to listen to you. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to shame you. I'm going to affirm you.

You'll be raising a queen there. Even to sit in the miracle of you have the potential to give life. Yeah. That's a miracle.

Yeah. Something that a man will never experience. You have that potential in your body. That's something to celebrate. You know, empathy unlocks something with others that really is, as Sherry said, something spiritual. Man, I want to do that. Not only with my wife, but with my daughters as they approach that age and it's coming.

It's coming soon. I want to open something up with my girls that helps them appreciate Jesus more because I showed them empathy in their pain. I'm Shelby Abbott and you've been listening to Dave and Anne Wilson with Sherry Lynn on Family Life Today.

What a great conversation. Sherry has two things that I want to talk to you about. She has a podcast with Brant Hansen called the Brant and Sherry Lynn Oddcast, where you can find the link to that in our show notes below. But she also has a book called, get this, I want to punch you in the face, but I love Jesus. It's a conversation, a frank conversation around PMS and you can get it in the show notes at familylifetoday.com.

You know, earlier this week we had on Jeff Kemp, former NFL player and author. He's written a book called Receive the Way of Jesus for Men. If you want to grow as a man and reach your potential as someone who walks with Jesus, it's going to take a team effort and this book will help you to understand that you need to gather people around you as you walk with God. And it's going to be our gift to you when you partner with us financially here at Family Life Today. So you can go online to familylifetoday.com or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329.

Again, that number is 800, F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. Happy Friday. Hope you have a great weekend. I want to ask you to pray for all the Weekend to Remember marriage events that are happening starting today through Sunday in Detroit, Estes Park, and Louisville. You know, with over 40 events across the country, they're still happening between right now and the spring and there's still time to find a location near you. So you can go to weekendtoremember.com, find a location, and make your marriage a priority. Now coming up next week, David Ann Wilson are going to be joined by Jeff Myers as he talks about parenting, worldview, and guiding our youth through their doubts. That's next week. We hope you'll join us. On behalf of David Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.