Christians Get PMS, Too: Sherri Lynn

Hey, Shelby Abbott here. Just want to give a heads up before you listen to this next program. Today's conversation on Family Life Today covers some sensitive but important subjects that might not be suitable for younger ears. So please use discretion when listening to this next broadcast.

All right, now let's jump into it. So today we're going to talk about something I'm guessing Dennis Rainey and Bob Lapine, eh, I don't think they talked about this. You know what, I don't think I'm going to talk about it either.

I think I'm going to go watch ESPN or something. This is really a good topic. Many of you, you're going to be so thankful we're talking about this. Go ahead, tell them what it is. The book is called... No, no, don't tell them the book title yet. Tell them what the topic is. The topic is PMS.

Okay, there you go. For you men that you might be thinking, I'm checking out right now. You have wives, daughters, sisters.

This is a thing. Yeah, Ann and Sherry are going to have a great conversation. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most.

I'm Shelby Abbott. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today. Let me tell you the name of this book because the title is classic and wonderful. I wish I had written a book with this title. I Want to Punch You in the Face, but I Love Jesus by Sherry Lynn. There we have the puncher in the face. Sherry, welcome to Family Life Today. Thank you so much.

I'm so grateful to be here. I got to ask you though, seriously, where did this title come from? Experience, saying that in my head.

And then when I said to publishers what it was, they were like, well, we can't publish that. I said, it's I Want to Punch You in the Face, but not and. Right. You know what I mean? But. Yes, but I'm not going to do it because of Jesus, but I do want to do it. And I think that women can relate to it.

I know they can. And so I thought, well, I'll write the book that I needed when I was 22. There you go. Yeah. Tell us what you do. I am on the radio and have a podcast with Brant Hansen. And so I produced the Brant Hansen show and co-host. And then we also have the Brant and Sherry Oddcast and I produced that and co-host that as well. Yeah. And one of the things you said in the book is that in the intro, really, that when you talked about this on the Brant and Sherry, was it on the Oddcast?

It was on the radio. But before we did it, the way it came about was we were sitting in a meeting, a show prep meeting. And you guys know what that's like.

Trying to figure out what you're going to talk about. And I had a co-worker that was in that room with us and she was eating yogurt and she was scraping the container. And it was that calendar time of the month. And that's all I could hear.

She would scrape three times and slurp. And so Brant is talking to me. And ladies, let's be honest, you know what I'm talking about. There are certain things. You're heightened. Everything is heightened. Why is that happening?

Why is this good? Why? Why are you doing that? And I was heightened and I couldn't focus on him. And I heard scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape. And I was like, I don't know how not to kill her.

I know. Now I didn't, guys. So if you're listening like, oh my goodness, I didn't.

But inside, that's what I felt. And so he's talking and he said, is there anything that you want to talk about? And I said, every 28 days, I want to kill people.

And he stopped. And you have to know my co-host. He's on the spectrum. And we've had him on several times.

Yes. He is very straight-laced. So I said that and he goes, anyone specific? He was hoping it wasn't him. And then we started talking about it. And he was like, well, let's get on the air and talk about it. And I was like, how do we do that? And we figured it out. And when we talked about it, the lines never stopped ringing.

Really? Of women saying thank you. Because I started to realize this is not something we talk about in church culture. Well, it's interesting, too, because you went to publishers to get your book published.

Yes. They would not do it. Now, every publisher, every single one said, it is funny. It is well-written.

It will connect. I can't do it. And it was because, and I understood, it was one agent told me it's too Christian for secular and it's too secular for Christian. But I think what he meant was it had a realness to it. I mean, I talk about things that happened to me during this time of the month.

I'm not blaming the time of the month other than to say it is a factor and we should talk about it. Yes. And I talk about being in a parking lot at Walmart and having some really choice words. And you guys think about what those words were that I chose in the Walmart parking lot.

Many of you have chosen those words in the Walmart parking lot and ask God to forgive you after. And I get it. Right? I talk about that.

And then just feeling so empty after I did that. And shame. Shame. Yeah. That is so good. Shame.

That's what the enemy will do with darkness. And say, what kind of a Christian are you? I thought you were a believer. You were walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.

What is that? Right. And that's what was happening to me in my 20s.

And I felt like I was backsliding every 28 days until I realized it was a cycle. And what that does is for me to be able to say something chemically is happening to me. And so do I have to pay attention more? Yes. Do I have to press my way to Jesus like that woman with the issue of blood did? Yes. Yes. But at least now I can acknowledge this is not a barometer on my spiritual walk with God.

This is me as a woman. And it doesn't make excuses for you to sin. Like you're not saying it's okay to sin. No.

I'm not. In fact, there are a few things in the Bible, like women that I talk about in the Bible that I think may have been PMSing. And I talk about Jezebel and I talk about how if we let this part, we let it be an excuse. Every 28 days I am going to turn into the Hulk because that's what I say this is. Yeah.

You said that in the Bible. I love it. It's like I turn into the Hulk.

I do. I'm turning colors. My hair is all over my head. I can't fit my clothes. You are wearing green today.

I am wearing green today, so everybody be careful. But if I'm going to let that happen every 28 days and let carnage be here, just go off, no apology, no explanation and communication, you know, it's not a good time for me right now, but I'm just going to flip out every time. And that, that's actually who you turn into. So that whatever you are at that moment is really what you become. So you are still responsible for the Holy Spirit working in your life during that time. It's just acknowledging it's a little harder right now and being okay saying that. Yeah.

You know what I wish? I have three sons and this wasn't, I didn't struggle with this too much. My mood swings weren't too bad. Maybe you think they are Dave or they were. Well, I mean, part of me is like, I'm glad men are listening because this is educational for us.

That's what I was going to say. We do not understand. Our sons got married and they came to me and like, why didn't you talk to us about this? Because this is a thing in our homes at this time of month and it's hard.

Like what's happening? I wish I would have talked to them about that more. Well, I was talking to men. I have a chapter where I interviewed husbands and said, you know, what do you go through during this time? And I did that because a friend of mine said she turns into a different person and it's so hard to deal with that time because it's like, she's not my wife anymore. It's like, she hates me. It's like, I can't do anything right.

It's like she, every little thing, just breathing gets on her nerves. And I said to him, if you hate having to live with the quote unquote monster, as he put it during that time, imagine turning into it. Imagine knowing that it's coming. Imagine there's not really anything that can stop it from coming and it's going to happen again in 28 days.

Just think about that. And women like me who have, you know, maybe other issues that contribute to it, it is really just laying before God saying, please help me. My tongue. And so I had this whole thing, this list of things that women should do.

I call it my PMS regimen so that you can help. And one of the things is say as few words as possible. I learned that. Yeah. Scripture says that.

Yes, it does. And that's what I mean. Like now it's going to be harder during this time. I don't get a pass because something chemically is happening.

God knew that when, when scripture was written, there's no asterisk saying every 28 days, Sheri, you go for it. Let them have it, girl. He doesn't do that, but it's going to be harder. And I had to learn, be quiet because you are going to have to pay for all of this, all of these words. That's just it. But that agitation is kind of growing in you. It really is a spiritual discipline.

It really is. True to the spirit. It has to be the spirit because just me and myself, I said even the eye rolling. It's too much.

My face can show something that my words may not be saying, right? And the issue was I didn't want to cause problems with people that I love and then have to clean that up every month because that's what was happening, right? Just rampage, clean up, rampage, clean up. I don't want to have to do that. I want to give the Holy Spirit license to move in every area of my life.

He knows this is happening to me and he's there to help, but it's okay to say it. And you have a name for it. Yeah. Patty Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS and that I needed a character. When I went to write this, I've only written live stage plays and screenplays and stuff. So I was like, I don't have a character. I don't know how to write without a character. And then I thought, well, PMS, Patty Michelle Sinclair, perfect.

It just worked. And now I can't tell you how many women when we go out to do live things are like, Patty, hey, Patty. Like people, Patty Michelle. And I know it's a sisterhood now. I'm like, I know exactly what you're saying.

Patty Michelle, we're in the same boat. We understand each other. But I made that so that it could be a through line through the whole book. That's good. Yeah. So number one, don't say so much. Stay quiet. Stay quiet.

No rolling of the eyes. Remind yourself everyone is not a moron. I think I might have this. I've got that.

Dave's got Patrick. Your children and spouse are not your enemies. Yes, exactly. You have to because something happens that just it's everything is kind of agitating.

What is happening? Talk about that. You probably studied it.

I did. It's hormonal. There are certain things that are lowering certain things that are heightened.

And if you have like preexisting conditions, as I do, I have endometriosis and other things that your body is just going through this chemical change. And it is so difficult to separate that from your attitude. That the Holy Spirit is there to help me. That's what I had to know. One of the, I put this in the book, the editor that I use suggested against it, but I said, this actually happened was I was in church. I had a intern, so to speak. She wasn't really an intern, but she was a young adult that was helping me.

And she was so if she was obnoxious guys, I don't know how she was obnoxious on a not calendar late day, let alone during Patty, Michelle Sinclair. And I always had trouble dealing with her, but it was during that time. And I knew that I was going to be seeing red. And I did everything I thought, like, you know, pray Jesus please. But that time I still remember it. It's gut wrenching because when you fail, you know what I mean?

When you, and you know, you failed God, but it was just such a rage. We were sitting in the room with the young people. Oh no. Oh, there were others. Yeah.

It was the whole youth group was there, other leaders. And she had started her knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, and you don't know. And you ain't never, and you ain't never, and you, you, you, and you can't see me, but I'm like rolling my head in a very Shaniqua fashion. And it was just going to my core and women, please hear me. And I understand this is hard to talk about in Christian dumb quote unquote, because we try to pretend like this doesn't happen. Not me. And I immediately went to the Lord and said to him, God help me. And he did it. And I had some peace and angels came and they flew around me and I felt gold dust in the air to signify the cherubims.

Okay, great for you. I lost it. So she, and when I lost, I could feel myself losing it. So I went to leave and when I went to get up, yes, but when I got to the door, guys, the pastor who was also my uncle who I adore with all of my heart did what he thought was right, which was we need to resolve this, right? So he stopped me. I was trying to say less and leave and he stopped me. And when he stopped me, I don't know what that was.

I don't know what it triggered. But the next memory I have is I'm in the parking lot of the church and I can see the ground and I hear blood curdling screaming and I'm like, what is that? Who screamed? And I realize it's me that I am on my knees screaming. And so I literally blacked out and I asked my mom what happened.

She said, girl, you know, you a lot stronger than you are. It took five people to carry you out of that room when I lost it. Now here's the thing. I still have to be with this youth group.

I still have to be like in this church. I still have to. And this happened, like this big public failure. And was that a catalyst of it, PMS? Yes, it was.

Am I still responsible for my actions? Yes, I am. And so living through that, again, it goes back to what you said, the shame.

And living through that was probably one of the hardest things of my life. Oh, I can imagine the enemy. You say you're a Christian? Yeah. Christian leader. Yes. And over other leaders. If it had not been for people carrying you out, you would have pummeled one of the leaders in front of the young people.

That's what happened. And so me saying, I don't want to be this person. What do I have to do now, God, for you to work in my life that even when something chemical is happening, supernatural, that's what the fruit of the Spirit is, right? It's the fruit of the Spirit. I can't do it.

He has to do it. I have to know, Lord, in these times, I'm going to have to really surrender. I got to watch what I listen to. I got to watch who I'm around. I got to watch what I pay attention to. There are certain things that I have to do to set myself up here.

And then the Holy Spirit has to have to be yielded and crucify my flesh. I just wanted women to know you're not alone. Don't suffer in this alone. And don't give up.

Don't give up. If I can tell this story very quickly, it's not really about PMS, but it is about that time. My grandfather, he could be a combative guy. He believed in whooping and bullying in public. That's what he would say. But he believed in confrontation. And I remember after this episode of going through this and being so ashamed of myself, wondering how I'm going to carry my head in this church, and going to see my grandfather who was in the hospital.

He's in the hospital. And I go to his bed and apparently someone in my very big, very loud, very communicative family told him what happened. And he says, I said, Grandpa, he said, Oh, you don't have to tell me I hurt. And I said, Yeah. And he goes, Well, I'm proud of you. And I said, Why?

He said, I bet you she won't mess with you again. You're like me. That's what he said. And I said, it was simultaneously the most affirming and scary thing I've ever heard in my life. Like, Okay, yes, this is like him. God, I can't be this all the time.

Like I can't. This man is 80 something years old in the hospital and he's happy I got to be that person. I remember going to God saying, God, you have to change me. It was a pivotal moment. It was a my goodness, that was such a pivotal moment for me, guys.

And the reason why I put it in the book is because if it weren't during that time, I think it would have been easier. But something chemically is happening. I'm in pain, right?

I'm taking medication for you know, I take prescription medication, so you could have a headache, all so many things, all of it's going on in my body. And then you add that to it. It was such a moment for me to say, God, help me surrender more, help me surrender more. But at that time, I thought there was no redeeming that I just thought there was no redemption for me.

And so having walked through that, I want to turn back to younger ladies and say, it's okay. God forgives. I put in a book, he stores your tears up in a bottle. And even if on the bottle, he's like, seriously, like labels it seriously, you were crying over that. He still cares enough to store them up. He still loves you.

Nothing you're doing is a shock or surprise to him. Just come to him with a humble heart and he will, he'll change you. He's changed me. Take us back to the church, the youth group. Did you have to go back? I did.

I went back. I had to apologize. I had to apologize to the church. I had to apologize to the young lady.

I had to, the kids still bringing up, they're in their 20s and 25s. Y'all remember Ms. Sherry freaked out and yet they still bring it up. But you know what, to me, if we can do something like that, I know we don't like it.

I didn't like it. But if we can do something like that, and then someone is able to watch the redemption process in our life, if they're able to watch the repentant process in our life, I talk about that in the book, about our glossy testimonies. These testimonies that we give, where somehow in the middle, nothing happened, right? It's like, oh, I messed up.

Now I'm awesome. Right? Well, that middle is where people learn that Jesus still loves them. That's where most of us live. That is. Absolutely. We're struggling.

And so why are we putting a veneer on to say we don't struggle? That's exactly what I wanted. And so did they see that? Yes. Are they 28 now, 29 now, and also see who God has turned me into, the development of my character? They see that too. And so now they know that he's able. They know that he can do that for them. And I think we do a terrible disservice when we don't talk about that middle. What would you say as men are listening?

What would you say to them? I'm right here. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to look right at you. Talk today. There it is.

It is happening. And just because you don't go through it, that doesn't invalidate that it's happening. Because you don't understand it.

Because I mean, one time I wrote something that guys were just so angry about, and when I look back on it, it was a little too much. But I said, let's say every 28 days, I'm coming to hit you in the head with a hammer. And you know that that's going to happen no matter what, every 28 days. And let's say that once I smack you in the head with a hammer, you got to go to work. You don't get to sit down. You don't get to say, whoa, my head hurts. My head's bleeding.

Nope. We're going to wrap it up. Head to work now. Whatever that pain is, whatever that is, now you're going to have that. And then it's happening another 20. How would you feel on day 23? A little nervous, right? A little anxious, right? 24.

25. Why? Because I'm getting ready to bang you with a hammer and wrap you up until you go out into the world and act like I didn't just do that. And I put that on, but I didn't word it that well. It was worded very poorly.

It was not received well at all. But what I'm saying is, please acknowledge that this woman that you love, whether it is your wife, your mother, your daughter, whomever, is having something happen to her body. And it could be anywhere from if you didn't really have those kinds of symptoms to so severe that she could barely get out of the bed and that this is going to happen every time. And if you can't put yourself there, please read how Jesus treated the woman who had the issue of blood. That is such a story for me, someone who has obviously gone through that kind of pain thinking about 12 years. And it was difficult. I had to read that for myself because typically it was men preaching to us. And they're telling that story, but you can't tell that story from experience. And not only physically what she was going through, but being unclean, not being able to fellowship.

I mean, have you seen the episode of The Chosen? Absolutely. I saw it.

When I watched that, I felt her shame. Like you read it, but man, you sort of saw it and you're like, that's probably pretty close. Yes. And you are on edge. Right.

And you think about that and think of the care and the love and the affirmation that Jesus gave. And just do that. Just do that.

Just do what he did. Right. Like he was busy.

Yeah. He stopped. Somebody was, a really important guy said to him, can you come to my house? He's following that. There are people all around him. Someone's dying and he's going to heal them, but he stops along the way for her.

Yes, he does. And she touches him. Now she could have got healed. He could have went on. He didn't. He stopped. He looked at her. He saw her. He affirmed her. Called her daughter. He called her daughter. That's exactly right. So what do I do?

How do I do what he did? You know, Sherri, nobody can describe it like you. I think as men, we do not think it's a punch with a hammer in the head. Only you would come up with that analogy.

I love it. I want to reiterate how poorly that was received. No, but the thing is, you come up with that analogy. As a man, I'm thinking the analogy is going to be somebody came up to you and gave you a little punch on the shoulder.

Like he felt it, but it didn't hurt. That's what it feels like. No, you're saying.

No, no, no, no. This is what it is. So that's, I mean, when I was reading your book, the revelations of men in PMS, they don't know. They want to help. It makes them sad.

They still love us, Patty and all. We don't know. I mean, we like, you got a thing going on. It can't be that big a deal. Right. See Dave's face right now. He has this scrunching like, and he's like, why do you have to be so emotional? Like it can't be that bad, which then is a whole other category of shame.

More shame, more guilt. Yeah. Like I must be weak. I must be soft. I must not be spiritual. And I didn't have daughters, so I don't understand and I belittle it.

And I'm not saying I'm every man, but I'm guessing some men are like me and others maybe, but I was like, come on, just step out of it. We're good. Let's pick it up.

You're okay. Let's go. And they're carrying around the Hulk. Yes. And I have no idea. Right. And it's not just emotional. Physically. So there, and I'm going to go into all of that, but physically something is happening to you. Yeah.

You're on edge. Cramping can be debilitating. It was for me. Me too. From 10 years old on. And so I knew every day my mother knew there was going to be two days, maybe a school I was going to miss.

We never really knew. I was always going to end up in the nurse's office. I was always going to be violently ill. She was always going to have to come get me.

And that was straight through high school. So that's your life, right? And so I would say to your point, Dave, for women, it's important for us to try to understand, try to do it outside of the 28 day issue, right?

Yes. You're not going to get it during that time. Try to do it outside of it that he doesn't understand. And why would he? And so the expectation for him to get it and fix it and make it okay and know to get you this, know to do that, know to do that, he can't relate. There's no, like you, he thinks it's a punch in the shoulder, a little punch, a little slap on the shoulder. Well, why wouldn't he think that?

That's not his life. And so for me to think that he is going to understand it, that doesn't make any sense. And so I have to know he doesn't really understand. I had to say that about my brother, now my brother understands now after growing up with me. Now he has his wife and two daughters. I told him, I don't know what you did to God to make him, make you grow up with me and then raise me twice. I don't know.

Cause my nieces are just like me. He pressed him. Yeah. He, he knows now. Now he really understands.

But until then, how, how would they know? So to have some grace and to communicate, that's where I struggled, where this is what I'm feeling. This is, this is what's happening to me. And then I would say to the guys when she communicates that sometimes that's to be fixed.

Chocolate always works. Amen. Praise Jesus.

Yes. Fixes a lot of things, but to not dismiss or belittle it, you're already crumbling inside, right? You don't need someone who loves you coming and saying, ah, come on, let's go over here. And you need someone to understand this is my life and it's going to be my life.

And again, women are on all different spectrums of it, but if you're not a woman who experiences it to that extent, you know someone who does. And we just need someone that walks with us, that loves us and that gives us grace. That's what I said. Do look at what Jesus did. You don't have to do it all at once.

Let's do it in pieces. Right? He's busy, he's crowded, he's all of these things are happening, but he finds a way to affirm that woman. And you could, as a wife or a sister or a mom, you could buy your husband a book called I want to punch you in the face, but I love Jesus by Sherri Lynn. I've had a lot of guys come to me and say, thank you.

I didn't understand it because I made sure that I interviewed a lot of women and I just put a lot of women's quotes and things that they thought and think is I wanted it to feel like community. And because we don't talk about it, you think you're alone. That's where the shame comes. That's where the enemy gets us, right? In the dark, you're the only one. Everyone else. And then we come to church and we're all shiny.

Nobody talks about anything. So everyone, I said in the book, the last sin you had was in stagecoach days and from there you've just been riding a cloud. So nobody knows that anyone's going through anything. I wanted it to feel like, Oh, thank you. I'm Shelby Abbott and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Sherri Lynn on Family Life Today. This is probably the best title for a book ever. It's called I want to punch you in the face, but I love Jesus. It's by Sherri Lynn and she's written that as a way to really help all people talk about this subject, unpack the subject and help men to really empathize with women as they go through PMS. You can get it in the show notes at familylifetoday.com and be sure to check out Sherri Lynn's podcast, Brant and Sherri Lynn Oddcast, you can find the link to that as well in the show notes below. And earlier this week we had on former NFL player, Jeff Kemp, who wrote a book called Receive, the way of Jesus for men.

It's really designed to help you grow and develop and reach your potential as a man. And it's going to be our gift to you when you partner with us financially here at Family Life Today. So you can go online to familylifetoday.com, make a donation there, or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329.

Again, that number is 800, F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. Now tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are back again with Sherri Lynn to talk about the funny side of navigating monthly challenges while really learning how empathy can strengthen all of your relationships. That's tomorrow, we hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.