Searching for Peace in the Questions Jesus Asked: Amberly Neese

The God of heaven and earth cares about what you care about. The God who made heavens and earth, the God who made the stars, that same God cares about all those things. And I think worry happens. Worry creeps in when we take our eyes off of Jesus. And I know that that sounds like the Sunday school answer, but guess what?

It's the Sunday school answer for a reason. Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

You can find us at familylifetoday.com or on the Family Life app. This is Family Life Today. So one of the things I found surprising about this stage of our life, empty nesters, grandkids, but kids are out of the house, is I worry more. I'd be up not being able to sleep because I'm worrying about something over the years and you're like, I slept great.

What are you talking about? But you're saying now you worry more. I mean, it's just stress and anxiety have hit me at a level that I've never experienced it before.

Often it's not bad, but it's still like, wow, look at me. I'm like thinking I can't sleep. There's many, many nights I wake up, I can't get back to sleep because I'm thinking through the future, it could be money, it could be our kids, it could be grandkids, you name it.

All the stuff you used, I was like, give you up a night. And I used to say, just trust God, he's got it. I'm like, I'm scared at times.

And so let's talk about that a little bit. And we've got our resident therapist in the studio. No, it's therapist. I've got big hair.

I'll take care any day. Kimberly Niece is with us and she's not a therapist, well, maybe you are. Is that one of your gifts? She has many jobs and many things she's good at. Yeah.

I mean, you're a comedian, a humorist, a Bible teacher, a college professor, a mom, a wife. What am I missing? Gee whiz. You do it all. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But I'm mostly, I'm just excited to be here. I'm glad we're going to unpack some stuff today.

Me too. One of the Bible studies you've written is untangling faith, reclaiming hope in the questions Jesus asked. We've already talked about a couple of those, but how many questions did Jesus ask? Over 300. That's just...

In the New Testament. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, I would have never thought it was that many. No, me neither. I went to Bible college.

I have a master's degree from a Bible college. When I started this, I thought, this is crazy. But once, you know, like once the Holy Spirit kind of heightened your awareness of something, now I can't read it without all the questions. It's unbelievable. I've noticed that before in scripture.

I wonder how many are in the Old Testament, because God asks questions too. Absolutely. I don't know. That's a good one. Maybe that'll be my next study. Did you Google that to find out? I didn't. I need to do that. I need to do that.

Absolutely. Google in Jesus' name. You dive in and it's a six-week, right? It is a six-week study. Video-based Bible study, and you look at all these different questions. You don't look at all of them, obviously. I don't.

I don't. I kind of put them in categories and then every day of the study is a different question. And you'd think that questions would bring about more uncertainty. But actually, I think, honestly, the questions of Jesus teach us more about His character and the depth of His love for us. And it grounds us even more than we thought possible. Yeah.

Well, one of the questions that I looked at in your study is what I just brought up. And it's in Matthew 6. Jesus says, Can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life?

I mean, as a pastor, I've taught this passage, just a beautiful beatitudes where He's talking about, you know, the birds in the field and God takes care of these things. But we worry about these kind of things. Do you ever worry?

I do. And I think it's so interesting that you bring up the empty nest. We have one child who's living at home, but one who moved across country. And I think it's harder to parent now than it did when they were little. I mean, for those young moms and dads who are listening, don't feel like I'm minimizing your pain because I totally get the pain. But I think now it's harder because we have no control. At least when they were younger, we thought we had some modicum of control. We have zippity-von-doo-dah when it comes to control now. And so I think that there's a little bit more. I think there's definitely a little bit more worry. I love Jesus's questions of like, Can any of you add an hour to your life by worrying? There is a silly meme that came from a movie years ago that Cher was in.

It was Cher and Nicolas Cage. And she says this thing where she hits him upside the head and she says, Snap out of it. And I feel like the Holy Spirit, when I read that, that's what I hear, Miss Amory, snap out of it. Not that the Holy Spirit would knock me upside the head. However, I know that he's saying, I see what you're worrying about. I'm not negating what you're worrying about, but I am negating the energy you're spending, not remembering who I am. Because often worry is kind of like when we're stepping out of the boat and we see the waves.

That's worry. When we are paying attention more to the circumstances than we are to the one who put the stars in place. I mean, the God of heaven and earth cares about what you care about. The God who made heavens and earth, the God who made the stars, that same God cares about all those things. So worry happens, worry creeps in when we take our eyes off of Jesus. And I know that that sounds like the Sunday school answer, but guess what? It's the Sunday school answer for a reason.

It's because when we are focused more on those issues than we are on the character of God. The last time we met, we talked about the Ebenezer's. That was because I needed a visual representation of how God provides. And I've never been a bird person. I've often laughed and said, depending on the season of your life, birds have a different meaning. When you're little, at least for me, I thought birds were what followed Snow White around.

I wanted them to follow me around where I sing. But as we get older, I used to laugh at my mother because we would be driving somewhere or walking somewhere and she'd say, oh, you know what that sound is? That's the sound of it. And she would, some woodpecker from, I don't even know, she would come up with some crazy thing. And I'd be like, Jesus, come back if I ever get to become a bird person.

Well, you know what? When we had a particularly hard time with COVID, I decided to set up a bird feeder. I've become that. So you could pray for me. I've been that for years.

Yeah. You can pray for me. But it's been so cool to look at that same section of scripture in that Matthew talking about God providing for the birds and watching them trust that they come. Even when I've blown it and I haven't filled it up, they still come.

We should read that. Look at the birds of the air. I know. Look at the birds of the air. But for me, I feel like I should come, even when I don't see His provision, I should still show up and be a part of it. I heard a preacher, and it was my son, so he's preaching. And I was taking notes and he said this statement, and he wasn't even talking about worry. He just said, whatever you look at the most is your God.

And he was talking about our eyes, sort of what you just said made me think of when you said Ebenezer. And I think worry is the same thing. It's like whatever you're worrying about, it just grabs you. In fact, the word worry in the German means to choke. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I've heard that. It's like you're choking God out of your life. But it's like if I'm worrying about finances, guess what? Money's probably my God. If I'm worrying about... And again, there's nothing wrong with those things.

Those are good things. But if it's like it's got you, it's like choking you, it's probably an indicator that, oh, this might be really a lot more important than you think it is. And the question then is like what Jesus said is, can that add anything to your life?

Jesus is saying, no. Take your eyes off that and look at the one who provides for the birds and say, if it's money that you're worried about, I'm the answer. I mean, it isn't like don't take care of your bank account. Don't be careful with your budget, that kind of thing.

But it is saying I am the supplier of the food for the birds. So you as well. So I mean, that's what you're getting at in that question. So you're going to sleep super well tonight. I hope so.

I think too, Dave worries about money. I worry about kids, worry about grandkids. We had a grandchild that had a 45 minute seizure. And so, and this was a couple of years ago, she hasn't since, but I don't worry about myself sometimes, but I'll worry about, again, the things that I don't feel in control of. And so that kind of thing, like I have no control of this.

I can't do anything about this. I'm thinking about the listener who maybe has had a really hard diagnosis for themselves or for a family member or a child that's walked away. That's when now it's really hard. How do I not worry about that? My sister was 44 when she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

And I had a pattern of when I would start thinking about something, I would try to solve it in my mind by walking through the entire scenario. So if she has cancer and then I try to solve all the problems with it, well, what should we do? Where should we go? What's the best oncologist?

What should we do with the kids? And so that would seem to make me feel more at peace as long as I had some control. But it started getting worse and worse and the diagnosis was not good. And I realized this is doing no good. And so what I realized was I need to take every thought captive and lay it before the king.

And so I remember thinking, I'm not going to think about the future. Jesus, all I'm going to do is hand you the moment, hand you my worries, hand you my fears and say them out loud to you. And Lord, now I need your peace that surpasses all understanding.

And I need you to help me to guard my mind and my heart in Christ Jesus. And when you think about holding every thought captive, we've all watched those movies where the captives, what do they want to do? They want to get free. And those thoughts want to do the same thing. When we think like, okay, fully bound, this thought is fully bound, I've totally relinquished it to the Lord.

That captive wants to get free. And oftentimes they do in my mind, and then I'm back to, oh man, I need to go. So do you just go back again? Like let's say you've given it to Jesus, you've bound it, you've given it to him, and then half hour later you're triggered by something and it comes back.

What do you do? So I often ask myself, what do you know to be true, right? God is good. He's in control. He's working in my best interest. I mean, it sounds like a silly mantra or a trick to play on myself.

It's not. The way that I bind those thoughts is with the truth of God, of his character. And the truth of his word.

Absolutely. The truth of his word. So what do I know to be true? And when I meet with young ladies that I'm discipling, that's often when they tell me their story, that's the first question that comes out of my face is, what do you know to be true? Because it gives a great framework for where they're at spiritually, where they still have room to grow spiritually, which we all have. What will they often say when you say, what do you know to be true? This is real, or my pain is in my face, or often what I get is, well, I mean, I know that God is good, but this is really scary or whatever it happens to be. And you know what?

That's okay. You know, I love the Psalms and the Proverbs, especially when we talk about the Proverbs, that we should seek for wisdom as hidden treasure. You know, like that's not a beautiful, simple process. Seeking for hidden treasure means we have stuff that we need to dig up. We need to get serious with our fervor and getting to the bottom of it. We have to know that it's worth it. I mean, all of those things factor into finding hidden treasure. And I think being willing to get to the bottom of some of our spiritual questions, we need to have that same kind of fervor. We need to be diligent in trying to get to that and know it's messy.

And it can often take us back to the question we asked earlier. Who do you say that I am? Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so if we're not trusting him, why is that?

Who don't we believe him to be? Yeah. And which of you, by worrying, can add an hour to your life?

None of you. You can essentially snap out of it, right? Focus on the character of God. I mean, I think that's really what it comes down to.

When I'm on the struggle bus, it is because I have taken my eyes off of the Lord and focused on myself. Yeah. And it's interesting, you know, three verses later, what does Jesus say? Seek first. Yeah, first. The kingdom.

The kingdom. And all these things will be added. And as I look back over six decades of life, every one of those worries that kept me up at night, I look back on them and I'm like, oh, God provided, God took care, God showed up. And again, they weren't all perfect little tie a bow on them things.

Some of them were really hard. But as I look back, the track record is you don't have to lay in bed and be up all night. Get out of your bed, get on your knees and say, God, I'm going to seek first you. I'm going to give this to you.

I'm going to go back to sleep. Knowing that you got it. And again, I don't know what that means in terms of the result, but to be able to put it in your hands and be like a robin and say, okay, he will provide. And Jeremiah 29, you know, we talk about Jeremiah 29, 11, but 13 is you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. So when you're struggling with that worry, seek the heart of God, right?

Seek with everything in you to try to figure out, you know, what is true. Yeah. I'll say this real quick. I was just thinking of a family listening. If there's a dad like me or a mom that used to lay in bed, I used to lay in bed and think about paying for my three sons' college education. That was one of them.

I don't know if you laid in bed. I never once worried about that, but I did worry, are they going to party their guts out in college? Those are the kinds of things I worry about. And I thought, yes, they will. But I mean, I remember many nights like we're putting money away, but it's not going to be enough. And now I can look back.

They're all three graduated. God showed up in amazing ways. And I don't remember that debt. And he provided. And it's like, I wasted all those nights.

And I just want to say that that dad or that mom, go to sleep, you can go to sleep tonight. He's got them. And again, I'm not saying you don't invest, you don't put money aside, you do all the things on our side, but he will reveal himself in a way that you will go, wow, I didn't know he could be trusted that way. Why could Jesus sleep when the storm was happening? Because he knew who was in charge of the waves, right?

When we're having tumult in our lives and we're facing those waves, we can sleep knowing that the one who controls those waves is on our side. Amberlee, you've talked about going through nine years of struggling with infertility. That is a long time. It's a long time. I can't imagine the ups and the downs, the trauma, how that affected your marriage. You can just say it, but there's a whole lot to that.

Oh, you betcha. So how did you give that to Jesus? What were some of the struggles in that? Well, some of the struggles for us, especially from my family, because they weren't believers, were like, well, if the Jesus couple can't get what they want out of God, how did the rest of us have a shot?

I kept saying like, Lord, this could be such a great tool for my family, right? Like I have to beseech the Lord by appealing to his intellect as if he's not the most, if he's all logic, he is everything. So there was that.

Physically, I just felt like, wow, this is an, I'm not enough. We say like, oh, in Bible times, a woman's worth is having children and we can look back on that. Used to be.

But the truth is, it's still a thing, right? When they were like, when are you going to start a family? Wait, we're a family already, right? Somehow we bought and sold and probably perpetuated the idea that we were incomplete without having children. We had this great desire and I would say, if you don't want me to have a baby, Lord, just take, just rip this desire out of my, I mean, it was such a deep desire. I wanted to give my husband a child. I didn't grow up in a Christian family. I wanted a Christian family.

And so there was a lot of that, but also physically, it was a real, it was really hard on my body. And what we found out later, probably too much information, but when we finally had Judah, our daughter's name is Judah, which means I will praise God for this child. My mother was like, I don't know if I like that name. And I was like, well, you don't have to pay for the therapy.

So it's fine. She loves it now. But when we got pregnant with Judah, when I finally got to a place where we knew we were, this one was going to stick or whatever, they didn't know why she wasn't turning. And so they had to do, we did surgery. And the doctor said, I know she's not a believer, but she was like, I know you guys are like God people. So thank whatever God you're supposed to, because there is no way this baby should have gone long term. I had a misshapen uterus.

So that's why all the babies were dying, is that they would grow to a certain place and then they would stop. She was like, this is unbelievable. And my husband said, what about subsequent children? And I was like, dude, back off, I just had a baby. And he was like, no, I just want to know. And she said, your daughter's made away for future babies. And so we understood all of that. But it was, there was a lot of testing, there was a lot of, it's very intrusive on a marriage. You know, lots of questions, lots of our church ladies, because my husband was on staff, you know, all these cute little church ladies that would say like, well, tell me about this.

And I'd be like, I do not want to have this conversation with you. Just pray for us. Just pray for us. But even if God had not provided the opportunity for us to have biological children, he's still God. And he still loves us.

And he was still working in our best interest. But I'm so thankful. Judah and Josiah, we have a daughter, Judah, Catherine, I know, right? And Josiah, Caleb, we're so thankful for them.

And man, they teach us a lot about Jesus, I'll just tell you. Our daughter is so full of life and joy and passion. And so I love that, that we get to explore the creative part of God. And then our son is so methodical. He wants to be a patent lawyer. And I said, so Josiah, tell me why that's your choice. And he says, Mom, it's like the marriage of engineering and law. Can you think of anything more exciting?

I don't know, dental work? So different. But he teaches us so much about the logical, mathematical, the not a God of disorder, but a God of order and of peace. I mean, he teaches us so much about that. And I'm so thankful for the things that I see in them.

So it's pretty awesome. But yes, it's very hard on a marriage. It's very hard on each individual person.

Scott felt terrible because he couldn't help me deal any of the mourning. I think actually, when you lose a child, it's as hard on the man because all the focus is put on the woman because she's going through the physical stuff. But the man is left crushed and forsaken, for sure. So yeah, I'm glad that that's in the rearview mirror for us.

Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, of course. In our last few minutes, you got another question in there. I mean, you got a bunch of them, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on when Jesus says, Do you want to be healed? Which seems like, why would he even ask that? Of course somebody that's sick wants to be healed, but he asked, Do you want to be healed?

What's that all about? And I took the same approach you did, which is like, well, derpy der, Jesus, of course he wants to get well. And yet, we can get really complacent and comfortable in our suffering and our pain, but also in sometimes in our sin. And he, I think it's so gracious of him that he would say to this man, Do you want to get well? Giving the man the opportunity to make the choice. And that's the gentleman that Jesus is. He does give us a choice. But no matter what the situation is, he gives us this opportunity to say, I have the power to heal you. Do you want to get well?

Are you willing to leave the comfort of that? Years ago, we used to watch a television program. It's not a Bible study based television program. It was called ER. There was a character on there who had a cane. The whole length of the show, she had a cane. And somebody said to her, it was like the end of the shift. And they said, So Carrie, you have your surgery tomorrow.

So what is it going to feel like to not have your cane anymore? And she says, I've had it for so long. I don't know who I am without it. It had become her identity. It had become her identity. And sometimes we hold on to past mistakes, past choices, even current situations. We hold on so tight that we don't know who we are apart from it. And so God says, Do you do you want to get well, right?

And that can be a myriad, a litany of things that it could be. But he said it to me many times in my life. I held on to being infertile for a long time. And he says, Do you want to get well, even if the child never comes? Or unforgiveness, there was some past hurt in my life.

Going back to our original, there are lots of knots in my tree. And he said, Do you want to give me glory or do you want it to be about your knots? And so even then he says, Do you want to get well? I also love me some food. I'm Italian.

I don't know why the UN doesn't just say to Italy, just feed the world because nobody would go hungry. However, food has become a thing for me, right? It has become an idol for me. And many times he has said lovingly, caringly, in the most gentle way. And really, do you want to get well? Are you ready for me to be your portion? Are you ready to taste and see that I'm good? And he's been gentle and he's been patient and every day is a new opportunity to explore that. Do you want to get well?

I think that I was doing that in our marriage when you were 10. David become my idol. I had taken my eyes off of Jesus and I thought, Dave, you could make me well. In other words, you can make me happy, right? It's your job to make me happy.

And then I could also, if that wasn't working, it would be easy for me to place that on my children. Oh, yes. I go, you guys can make me happy. You can fulfill me. You can meet the needs that your dad isn't meeting. And yet Jesus is saying, do you want to get well? Yes.

Because they ultimately, everything and everyone will let you down, but I can heal the depths of your pain, the depths of your longings. That's my job. Yes. And I think I love that you're asking these questions.

I love that Jesus asked the question because he's asking us those questions every day. Well, I think what you just got at, I mean, it just hit me when you were talking is I think if we were honest, we would say, actually, I don't, I don't want to get well. Yeah.

Because how many guys- I don't know who I am without this. Yeah. Separate from this. And I was thinking even as we're, you know, thinking of listeners right now, I think of so many guys that I've said, get to a marriage conference.

You know, we have a conference called The Weekend to Remember. Come to it. And they're like, yeah, no. It's like, you really don't want a better marriage, do you?

You're satisfied. Or go to a counselor. No, I'm not going to go to a counselor.

Why? Well, whatever, it's like you really are okay being unhealthy and your marriage isn't well. You know what I mean?

Even a wife has probably said to her husband, you should listen to Family Life Today every day. Yeah, he's not doing it. And again, I'm riffing on guys here. It could be either way.

Yeah. But I think when we don't take that step, it's almost like God is saying to us, I've given you a way to get well and because you've said, ah, it's too much money or I'm not going to go away for a weekend or I can't miss this football game or whatever reason it is, you're really saying, I'm okay, I don't need to get well. I'm not even sick when everything around you is saying, you are sick. Will you accept Jesus' invitation, which could be from your neighbor or your pastor or a friend or a small group leader who is even saying, hey, let's go through this untangling faith small group together. I don't have time. You're saying I don't want to get well because this study is going to help you get well. I mean, that's our answer.

Yeah, exactly. Even though Jesus asked these questions thousands of years ago to people that we will never meet this side of glory, the questions still ring true for us. They still are open invitations for us to invest in these questions and get to the bottom of our own spiritual stuff. I love that question.

So listeners, friends, do you want to get well? If you do, prove it. Prove it. Prove it to your wife.

Prove it to your kids. I really want to get well and I know what it's going to take. It's going to take going to this or showing up. It might be, go to church, get in a church this weekend and lead your family there and watch God help your family get well. You know, in our own power, we lack the strength to just get better.

But what we lack in ability, God has an abundance. So why don't you ask Him today to give you the strength to make the changes necessary and see growth in your life and then get ready because He's going to show up. I'm Shelby Abbott and you've been listening to Dave and Anne Wilson with Amberlee Neece on Family Life Today. Amberlee has created Untangling Faith. This is a video-driven small group study about reclaiming the hope in the questions Jesus asked. You can find a copy at familylifetoday.com in the show notes. And earlier this week, we had Brant Hansen on Family Life Today.

Brant has written a book called Blessed Are the Misfits, great news for believers who are introverts, spiritual strugglers, or just feel like they're missing something. This is a fantastic book and it's our gift to you when you partner with us financially. You can go online to familylifetoday.com or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329. Again that number is 800, F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. And feel free to drop us something in the mail if you'd like. Our address is Family Life 100 Lakehart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832. Now, what's the importance of impactful grandparenting? Can you put a price tag on it?

Can you put a label on it? Well, tomorrow Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be joined by Mark Gregson and Larry Fowler to talk about dispelling stereotypes, offering wisdom, and nurturing relationships as grandparents. That's tomorrow. We hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.