(More) Time Management for Moms: Crystal Paine

We need to know what we're prioritizing in our life, because we all are prioritizing something. Even if we haven't determined these are my priorities, our life indicates what we're prioritizing.

But is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing? Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com or on the Family Life app.

This is Family Life Today. Question for you. Do you think I'm good with my time?

Did I manage my time well? Okay, you paused way too long. No, I think you do, actually.

I'm not looking for a positive response. You do? Yeah, I think that we don't live on the same internal time clock. Mine's always going really, really fast, and yours is slower, which is really good for me.

Frustrating, but good for me. But yeah, I think you manage your time well. Do you think I do? I think you manage it a lot better than I do. You get a lot more done in a day than I do, and I honestly think I waste a lot of time.

But sometimes my attitude can be determined by how much I get done in the day, and that's not always a good thing. Well, we all need help with time, and we've got the time-saving mom, Crystal Payne, in the studio with us today. And I call you the time-saving mom. You're really known as the money-saving mom.

Money-saving mom. But welcome back. Thank you so much for having me. And, you know, you were talking about not being good with your time, and I just witnessed you. She was saying, you know, you were the one that you were saying, we got to kind of get along, we got to get the interview, and you were back just talking with people. And so I just want to encourage you that talking with people, that is using your time intentionally. Like, what's going to matter in eternity? Can you just whisper that kind of stuff in my ear, like, every day?

That's really sweet. I'm like, come on, let's go. We need to get things done. But we need both.

We need both people. You know, we help balance each other out. But I just was thinking how you, you know, you were thinking of me and my time, which was also thinking of people and the fact that I have a flight, but you were just focused on, you know, so you guys make a great team. Crystal, what are you and your husband like? Are you different? Are you alike? So when we got married, I would say that I was type AA and he was type Z.

Really? That's us two. We have kind of balanced each other out a little bit more. And so he is not so type C and I'm not so type A.

And it's a good thing. Did it frustrate you? Oh, it frustrated me so much. So what did you do? You said you like to control. Did you try and change him? Oh, absolutely.

Did it work? You know, it was a very long, frustrating battle of recognizing that I can't change anybody but myself. That's a good realization. I mean, one of our struggles, and I don't know why I do this, but almost, I'm not going to say 100 percent of the time, but you could tell the truth. I bet seven or eight out of 10 times when we're getting ready to go somewhere, we're like, hey, let's go.

We'll walk toward the door and goes out, gets in the car, and I have to go to the bathroom or I have to go find something. And I'm rarely late to anything. I'm on time. Yeah, you're on time. But you, I mean, by the time I get to the car, she is like, seriously?

Really? Now, when we get to the airport in Michigan, it's cold when we're flying out. And I used to get out just as I normally do. And I found myself waiting and waiting and waiting in the car. But now I've learned.

I didn't even know this. I just sit in the car and I wait for him to get out to get all of his things. And so then I just get out when he's already walking and I catch up with him.

It's way better. So now you're grateful for how I am. I've just realized, like, your pace is a little slower. And that's good for me.

I just need to adjust accordingly. But why are we talking about all this? We need help. And I know our listeners are feeling the same thing, like managing our time. So you've written a book.

You've been thinking about this, I'm guessing, for decades, right? Yes, I actually, I opened the book talking about my high school graduation speech. I was not the valedictorian.

I was homeschooled, let's clarify that, so I graduated at the top and the bottom of my class. But I got to give a speech. And my whole speech was, time is short, because that's something that I've been really passionate about for years and years. Yeah, I mean, one of the passages that your book reminded me of is Ephesians 5, 15 and 16. You probably know this, but I'll read it to you.

Look carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. I think, actually, in original, it's like redeem the time. I know you understand this passage. How would you teach that? Well, let's talk about what the book is called. Your book is called The Time-Saving Mom. And the subtitle is How to Juggle a Lot, Enjoy Your Life, and Accomplish What Matters Most.

Every mom hearing that wants that. Yeah, I mean, if we're going to be wise about our time, here we go. We started yesterday with, I thought, a great discussion, and I'm so inspired even now to go home and be more thankful. But you talked about this four-step process, which I guess is your way to say, okay, you want to redeem your time. You want to do what God says here in Ephesians 5.

It looks like this. So just remind us of the first P, and then let's go further down the list. Yeah, so it's to start your day with the posture of prayer. So prayer is step number one, and really for me, you know, you were asking what is redeem the time. For me, that's thinking in light of eternity. That's thinking about what's going to matter at the end of my life. It sounds a little morbid, but I actually think about my funeral quite often. Like, what is going to matter at my funeral? Who are the people that are going to be there? Who is going to talk about how I impacted their life?

Is anybody? And so just really thinking about that, because like we were saying, wrapping our life around investing in people, that is one of the few things that's going to matter in eternity. And so I really think about what's going to matter in 25 years, what's going to matter at the end of my life.

That's what I want to spend my time and invest my time in. I mean, it's habit number one of the seven habits of highly successful people, begin with the end in mind. So you're saying, and I'm guessing the way you said that, you really do think about this daily. I think about it very often. And for me, it just gives me that purpose.

It reminds me of the people in front of me. This is what is most important. And so pray is the first step. The second is prioritize. And it really goes along with that because we need to know what we're prioritizing in our life, because we all are prioritizing something. Even if we haven't determined these are my priorities, our life indicates what we're prioritizing.

But is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing? And so I talk about my six times two priority system in the book, and this is where I have six priority areas that I wrap my time and my life and my energy around, and I don't prioritize them every day because if I were to try to prioritize them every day, I would feel completely overwhelmed. There's no way humanly possible I can do them all every day and do a good job of it. So instead, I pick two per day, and then I rotate them. So over the course of the week, I have spent intentional time in each priority area at least twice.

And this just frees me up to really be fully present where I am, but also know that I'm going to hit those other areas at other parts of the week. That makes way too much sense. And for those who haven't been listening or who didn't listen yesterday, let's just reiterate, Crystal, that you have six kids. You have teenagers and toddlers. Special needs child. So you could be thinking, well, she must have all kinds of time and must have all kinds of ways to prioritize her time, but you are living a fast-paced life with a lot going on. So give us an example of what this looks like to prioritize.

Yes. So for instance, your marriage. It would be amazing for you to be able to have a date night every single day, but that's not realistic for most families. My husband and I, we have teenagers who oftentimes have things in the evening, but twice a week we can have intentional time. So maybe that's an hour of us talking or that's an at-home date night or that's us going out with another couple. Some people are like, twice a week with six kids? I think a lot of times if you determine that something is important to you, you're going to make time for it. Yeah, it's called golf.

No, it is a joke, but you're right. If it matters, you'll move things in your calendar. We do the things we want to do.

Yeah. And so our marriage is really important to us, and we know that someday we're not going to have these kids in our home, and so what's going to be the glue that binds us? If we don't intentionally prioritize our marriage right now, we're going to pay for it soon. And so for us, that is saying twice a week, having intentional time together.

Same thing for our kids. Every day, obviously, they are a priority, but twice a week, maybe it's a family movie night, maybe it's that I'm going to take one child out on a one-on-one date, that twice a week I'm going to do something very intentional with my kids. And then the business, every day I'm working, but twice a week I'm going to spend intentional time. Like, for instance, I flew out here today to do this interview, and so this day is going to be more prioritizing the business. But this weekend we're doing a camping trip, and so I'm going to be offline not doing any work and focusing on the family. And so it's just rotating through those priority areas. Friendship, that's twice a week.

Getting together with a friend, which for a lot of people sounds like a lot, but I find creative ways, whether that's having a friend over and we have a play date or whether that's going on a walk with a friend because we both have a free hour while our kids are at an activity or whether that's sitting at the ballpark while our boys are playing baseball and we're talking, you know, getting creative with relationships and making the time, for me it makes such a difference. So what are the six? So in the book I go into detail of what these are and then how to decide what your priorities are. But it is my health, which includes spiritual and emotional and physical health, and then my marriage, the business, our home, and friendships and my kids. And the kids aren't last, that's just how I said it. So as a listener I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to prioritize these areas and this is what it's going to look like this week.

Is that what you're saying? So a lot of times people who have read the book, then they get a little bit hung up on like I need to plan this all ahead of time to make sure that I hit all of these areas perfectly. I do it one day at a time. So it's just every day kind of deciding, you know what, that particular child, they are struggling, and I have this free block in the afternoon, I'm going to take them out for a one-on-one date, and also my laundry really needs to get caught up on. So today those are the two areas that I'm going to focus on.

That's it, just those two things. And so yes, I'm going to do some other things, but those are going to be the big priority areas that at the end of the day I'm going to have accomplished those. And then the next day it might be, you know, my husband and I haven't really connected much, I'm going to make sure that tonight after the little ones go to bed we're going to watch a show together.

And also I'm going to get together with a friend this morning and we're going to go on a walk while, you know, we're pushing our kids in strollers. So it's just every day kind of deciding, you know, there will be some things that I'll know ahead of time. Like I said, we had a camping trip this weekend or I knew I had this interview. So there's some days where it's already predetermined, but on the other days I just really take it a day at a time. I don't stress out about doing it perfectly every single week, but just try to rotate the priorities so that I'm spending a good intentional time in each area twice a week. And by the way, there are seven days a week and there are only six priority areas. So you've got a free day. It's called Sabbath. And I like that we've already talked about prayer. So even as you've been making that a priority, you're praying all day long about everything. So you're praying like, Lord, what should they be today? And God will highlight. It sounds like he highlights the things that need attention that day. I like that.

Yes. Oftentimes when I'm starting my day with prayer, like I talked about just starting my day, I'm praying over my day. And as I'm doing that, something will come to mind like a friend. He'll just really impress this friend to reach out to and offer something or this child that really needs to have a conversation or just connect with, or you're just realizing my soul and my body is weary. Today I'm just going to take some time to just go on a walk and breathe or do something that's just going to really refresh me.

And so in that time of prayer, oftentimes that's when it will come to me of this is what I need to prioritize today. Okay, I have two questions. I don't know which one to ask first. The first one I guess would be what if your spouse, this is not personal, what if your spouse isn't on the same page?

Like you are intentional, they're not. You mean like spending time together? Yeah, I mean you have these six and you're going to try and rotate and you sort of have a plan that's, we're going to get to that in a minute, but these are your priorities and your spouse either maybe is totally against it or just doesn't go along with the plan or interrupts the plan and messes it all up. I'm guessing that happens quite a bit.

Or it could be a child, but I'm thinking in your marriage, you even said you're double A and he was a Z, so you didn't always line up. How do you navigate that? I think first off, what is the time during the day that you have that you are in charge of? For a lot of women, if your spouse works, there's time that you have that you get to decide how you're going to spend it. And so whether that's, okay, I'm going to focus on the kids during this time or a friend or the house or my health, doing it during the time that is your time so that maybe when your husband comes home from work, if he works outside the home, that you just don't plan anything then because that's just, okay, I'm going to go along with whatever because he likes to be spontaneous. And so deciding what are the time blocks that I have that I am in control of and that's what I'm going to focus on versus being frustrated because I made this plan. Most evenings, I don't really plan out. I leave them free because once my kids come home from school, they have plans and they need to talk and we just need to hang out as a family. And so for me, leaving those that free, there might be a few nights a week, the kids have activities or there's something planned, but for the most part, I try to have blocks of time where it's just free so that I'm not making my family feel like, you've got to follow my plan. This is during my time when I get to choose how to spend the time, I'm going to be intentional with it.

And I know you've got a good answer for this one. Interruptions, you know, the water heater breaks, the AC goes out, you have a fender bender and so the plan that you have... One of your kids is sick or throwing up all day. Yeah, and it happens to all of us. Those are the things women are thinking about. And a lot of times, we get derailed and we're done.

We give up. I'm guessing there's a way to get derailed but not be done. So the great thing about this system is that if you just are focusing on one day at a time and if you're rotating your priorities, let's say you get into a fender bender or a child is sick, that's your opportunity to be like, you know what, we are just going to move this to the next day and today it's going to be, I'm going to focus on my child because they're sick and they need me. And so I love that it's not, you know, every Monday it's this, every Tuesday it's this.

It's as you go about your week. That's good. That is good.

And then you have that extra day to push one into, I guess. Let's go to the next step of the four-step system. I like it that they're all peace. You know, I'm a preacher, so I like peace.

Oh, you do. So we've hit pray, we've hit prioritize, and now plan. Like planning using this system that you're talking about. So I have what I call a hybrid planning system. So I use Google Calendar and I use a time block to-do list. Now this is where it gets to, some people could feel like this is overwhelming, I don't want to do this. I felt that when I read this, I'm like, I don't know if I even understand this.

So this will be good. And so I am just sharing what works for me, but I don't want anybody to feel like I'm saying this is how you need to do it. But for me, I found that the less that I have in my brain, the more that I can just breathe. And so Google Calendar for me is where I brain dump everything. Like anything that I think of that I need to remember, that I need to do, any blog post I need to write, anything I need to do with the business, anything for the kids' activities. I brain dump it all as all-day tasks in Google Calendar so that it's out of my head and it's at a safe place. And then my time block to-do list is my brain on paper for that specific day.

And that is my time budget. And so I look at my Google Calendar before I go to bed at night, look at what is on the all-day task for the next day, and then I just write out a time block to-do list. And you were talking about interruptions. One thing that I do is I pad this with a lot of extra time because interruptions are going to happen. And if I have just made my schedule so packed that there's no space to breathe, then when that child spills the milk, when there's a poopy diaper, when the teen needs to talk, I'm going to feel frustrated because this is my plan and you're interrupting my plan. But if I have padded it with extra time in every time block, plus at the end of the day, I allow usually two to four hours of completely free time, then when the interruptions come, I can be like, I planned for this. I can totally stop and take care of this and be present there because I have time to be able to be present.

So you have that. You've just unloaded this dump of all these things you need to do. It's on your calendar.

And how are you figuring out what you're going to do? So as I'm thinking of something, so let's say it's, oh, I'm supposed to bring treats to that thing in three days. Okay, well, as I go to put it on Google Calendar, I'm just thinking, okay, when do I need to have them by? And I put it on that day. I see. So I just put it on whatever day I need to remember it by. And if it's a project that needs to be broken up over a few days, then I will break it up over those few days. Now, this has taken me a long time to kind of get into this system of doing this. And I know people have read the book.

They're like, that's a lot of work. But for me, once I consistently did it, it has taken so much out of my head because it's just all in another place. It's safe. And I've put all the thoughts there. And I don't have to think about any of the things I need to remember. They're not swirling around in my brain. They're not cluttering up my head. And I can just live today.

It usually takes me just maybe five minutes of my day, maybe, as I go throughout the day to just bring them to things into Google Calendar. I like that. Yeah. And obviously, it leads you to the last P, the last part of your process, because you can't do that in the morning. You actually do it the evening before, the prep.

So, yeah. So prep is not only your evening routine and your morning routine, which I talked about, like setting my day up for success starts the night before. So writing out my time lock to-do list and really doing things the night before, just a few things that kind of calm your body down, get yourself to sleep well, and then start your day with intention, and then having a simple morning routine. But prep is not just that. It's also the mindset. We talked yesterday about that mindset shift, about not saying, I can't do that or I'm not that, and really recognizing that so much of our success happens between our ears. And what we tell ourself, whether it's negative or positive, that's going to impact how we actually live and the motivation that we have.

Yeah. I think, at least for me, I waste – when I read your process and especially the prep, I thought, that's one of my weaker areas. I want to relax at night. I want to watch something. I want to drink a Diet Coke, all the wrong things.

Those aren't all wrong. I think about tomorrow, but I'm like, I'm going to wait till tomorrow and get up and jump on it. And that just was like, no, no, no. And it doesn't take a long time, right? Pretty quick? And a lot of times it's like, could you do it early? And then go drink your Diet Coke and relax. And so getting it done, maybe it just takes you 15 minutes, a few things that you can do to set yourself up for success the next day, and then go relax.

Because relaxing is also setting yourself up for success for the next day, but you're going to relax a lot better when you know that you set tomorrow up for success. I mean, I'm imagining your calendar right now with six kids. You're working. Your kids are working for you as well, your older ones. There has to be so much going on just to survive the day and to feel like, yeah, we're getting all this done.

There's got to be so much. Do you ever feel like I'm so overwhelmed? I don't often feel overwhelmed because I usually live fully present where I am. And so that made me think, like, are you on social media? Are you scrolling a lot?

I'm guessing you're not. Of course she's on social media. She's the social media mom. That is true. I am on social media a lot because that is my job.

Yeah. I'm the money saving mom on Instagram, but I don't scroll very often. But I do allow myself to scroll sometimes because that's for me relaxing.

And so I have a few people that I follow that I really am inspired by what they do. And so I have times when it's like, okay, I did the things on my list and now I can just enjoy being able to sit here and scroll on my phone a little bit like we were talking about enjoying relaxing. That's the thing for me. Budgeting when it comes to money is not this restrictive thing. It's freedom because I've predetermined how I'm going to spend my money so that I can enjoy spending money on something that someone might think, well, that's extravagant, but it's like, but we budgeted for it. And same is true with our time.

If we budget it and we spend it well and we pre decide how we're going to spend our time and we then have time to invest in our marriage, time to relax, time to do fun things, time to be present and show up with a friend, time to do these things because we've been intentional on the front end. As a listener is tuned in, how would they start? Maybe they haven't had any sort of plan, any sort of strategy.

They're looking at these P's. How would they get started? I think the biggest thing is starting with prayer and starting with recognizing that you cannot do this life well on your own. And so just starting your day, this is not going to take you any extra time while you're brushing your teeth in the morning or getting your coffee ready.

Just pray over your day, like have that spirit of prayer, that posture prayer, instead of worrying about what's going to come today, worrying about this or that, use that energy to pray over your day. So start with that. I like that, too. And I would add, if you have time, even as you're brushing your teeth, I've done this, too. I'm listening to scripture sometimes, which now I'm getting the word.

And sometimes I would do it in the car, too, that my kids are hearing it. And that's a good thing, too. So I like that. Starting with prayer, we're starting with God.

Yes. And really, it's that principle of tithing, how giving the first fruits to God. And one of the things when my husband and I were in really lean years and we committed that we were going to tithe, we were going to give 10 percent. Even though the 90 percent didn't make sense, like we couldn't figure out how it was going to pay all the bills. It always did.

It always stretched. And it's the same thing with starting our day with God and saying, I'm going to trust you that even though I feel like I don't have time for this, this is one of the most important things that I can do. And I'm going to give the first fruits of my day to you and I'm going to trust you for the rest of the day.

And he is always so faithful. And then I would say just a simple second step is instead of trying to do a full time block to-do list or Google Calendar, just either if you feel completely overwhelmed, sit down and just brain dump everything in your head. And then pick just a few things that you're like, this morning, I'm going to do these three things. This afternoon, I'm going to do these three things. And tonight, I'm going to do these three things. And just start with that, start with just being intentional with those things and just see what happens if you just start with prayer and a little bit of intention, change your attitude and your perspective and see life as a gift.

And I bet you will decide that you not only have more time, but that you also enjoy your life a whole lot more. Yeah, I mean, when you said a minute ago, freedom. Yeah. That's the word you often don't think of when you think of a money budget. You think restriction. And even when you think of a time plan, you sort of think everything's going to get restricted. And it's the opposite, right? You actually experience freedom because it's controlled in a sense. And again, we don't have control of our lives. God does. But the plan gives you a sense of, I mean, I'm sitting there going, no wonder you've got a thankful heart.

It's an overflow. It's a fruit of some of this plan. Because I'm not kidding, when I got to your final chapter and I read about you thought David was going to be adopted, right?

By somebody else and that didn't fall through. And then it comes back to you guys. I thought, who would say yes to this? Because you know better than anybody the huge responsibility that's going to be not just for a few years, but you called it saying yes to forever. And part of me, you know this, part of me is like you were able to say yes, you and your husband, because of the plan. Right?

Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's because of being intentional with time and money. And we see like the years of that foundation of walking through hard things and learning to trust God and struggling and the foundation that God has built and given us and seen him be faithful. And that's what gave us the courage.

It's not because we're incredible people, but because we serve an incredible God and we've seen him be so faithful and we know that he will continue to be faithful. And so when he called us to say yes, stepping into that and knowing that I don't know what the future is going to hold. There are some days when it's hard.

It's hard to think of the future. But I know I keep going back to and just reminding myself again and again and again that God has been faithful and he will be faithful. And I think that's a good reminder for every listener. God sees you.

He has been faithful and he will be faithful. Yeah. I was going to say the same thing. I think it's easy. Like I know a mom sitting there in her kitchen or a dad. And it's easy to think you people on the radio, on a podcast, you pastors, you have these special lives that God blesses in a special way. And that's why Crystal's able to say he's faithful.

It's guess what? He is faithful to you the same way. It's no different.

We don't have a special. He is faithful. So, man, I'm not a mom, but I watched you and it's so overwhelming. All the things you moms carry, we dads are amazed.

We could never do it. So I just want to say to that mom that is overwhelmed right now, he's faithful. Trust him.

He will meet you right there and he'll get you through today. Moms are pretty remarkable. They are. We're not incredible people. We serve an incredible God. Okay, let's pause for a second. Does that sound familiar?

Does it? It's the gospel, not self-improvement or getting our lives together to be better, but trusting in the one who has it all in the palm of his hand and can make us better. God is capable, so cast your incapability in life on him.

I'm not even sure incapability is a word, but cast it on him anyway, because that's what the gospel is. I'm Shelby Abbott, and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Crystal Payne on Family Life Today. I really love today's conversation, and Crystal's written a book called The Time Saving Mom.

How to juggle a lot, enjoy your life, and accomplish what matters most. If that sounds appealing to you, you can pick up a copy at familylifetoday.com or give us a call at 800-358-6329. You know, we're here at the tail end of August, and August for us at Family Life is such a unique time because we want to offer you something special when you give and partner with us here at Family Life. So when you go online and give a gift of any amount, we're going to send you Family Life's Art of Parenting online video course, along with a fun card game called Ferret Flush that you can play with your family to get to know them better.

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Or you could feel free to drop us something in the mail. Our donation address is Family Life, 100 Lakehart Drive, Orlando, Florida, 32832. Now tomorrow, Dave and Anne Wilson are going to be in the studio with Jim Davis and Michael Acheson. They're going to talk about how the pandemic played a part in the significant shift of de-churching. That's coming up tomorrow. We hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Anne Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.