Andrea’s Story: Fear, Longing, and my Unplanned Pregnancy.

I was terrified because I knew it was wrong. And I remember even being there on the table asking God, God, please don't look. God, please look away. I know what I'm doing is wrong and it's against your heart.

Please don't watch. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

And I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app. This is Family Life Today. So there are some things that are bigger than politics.

That's true. I mean, we all know that. And it sort of feels like today's a holy, holy moment. Like we're sitting in a moment that you need to embrace and experience, feel the very, it's a big moment in our world, in our nation, but it isn't a political moment. It's a moment to say, let's lift our eyes upward. Let's go vertical and try and understand the heart of God in this moment.

And I think his heart is for life and the sanctity of life. And today we get to have a conversation with one of our friends about life and how precious every single life is. So we have Andrea Griffith with us today. Andrea, welcome to Family Life Today. Thank you. It's so good to be here with you guys. You know, a lot of our listeners don't know who you are, and you and your husband have a critical role here at Family Life.

So tell us a little bit of the Griffith story. When my husband and I first got married, we moved into and lived in an RV travel trailer for 15 years, and then we planted and pastored a church for 13 years. And just recently, my husband has accepted a position to be the vice president of content here at Family Life. So we moved our family down at the end of January. And you and Trent have been speaking for the weekend to remember marriage getaway for how many years?

16 years. Well, we discovered recently that you have a story that connects to the sanctity of life. Yeah, so I actually grew up going to church every Sunday, really every time the doors were open. But I did not understand any of what I was seeing. I remember at Christmas, like looking at a manger scene and just thinking, why?

And then at Easter, we'd see the cross. So I knew the story, but I didn't know why. I was kind of a leader at my church. I would sing solos on Sunday night before the pastor would preach.

I was a leader in the youth group. But I lived a very different life outside of my church. And so you're saying you were there, but you really didn't understand the gospel yet. And so you hadn't committed your life to him yet.

Exactly. And so I thought I had because I thought that knowing the stories was enough. I didn't know that God had to take out my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh and change me. So I was just going through the motions and it was very empty, which is a horrible place to be. And so you're leading a double life. Here you are with the church people living a certain kind of life. Do you think people would be surprised if they saw the other side of you?

For sure. So when that other side started to come out, I would do everything I could to hide it. I became a very good liar. I wanted people's approval, but I wanted my own way.

So in order to do that, I became a very good liar. I knew that I was supposed to marry a Christian, but I just thought, it doesn't matter who you date. And so I dated non-Christians and one guy in particular, and I found out one summer that I was pregnant. How old were you, Andrea? I was 17.

Wow. So what did you feel? I just remember being shocked and just condemnation immediately, just not knowing what do I do.

I don't know where to go with this. People think I'm one thing because that's the image I've given them, but this is reality kind of hitting me right now. And what did the self-condemnation, what did that sound like in your head? I was no good. The choices that I had been making had led me to this point, but it was very self-loathing and just a feeling of being totally lost and really having no idea which direction to go.

So what did you do? My parents knew I'd been dating this one particular guy for a while and they kind of wanted to get to know him. And so I'd asked, hey, could I have this guy over for dinner one night? And they said, sure.

Well, I think my parents must've known that things weren't quite on the up and up. So when we arrived there to have dinner that night, me and my boyfriend- And he knew. You told him. Yes.

Yes. He knew. So was this the night you were going to tell your parents?

We were trying to feel it out. We were trying to find out, can we tell them, is this a safe place? My mom worked at the local crisis pregnancy center and my mom had invited the director of that pregnancy care center over for dinner that night. I had no idea he was coming and my mom had no idea what was happening in my life. So you've got a sort of, I mean, I didn't know your mom worked for the crisis pregnancy center.

So not only you are a church girl who is shocking yourself and anybody that's going to find out, your mom is actively involved. So you had to be carrying, talk about, I've disappointed not only God, I've disappointed my family. Is that what you're feeling? Yeah. Beyond disappointment. We were raised to know right.

But my knowing right didn't prevent me from doing all the wrong, from running after anything I could to fill the void in my heart. Well, I want to know about the night. Yeah. What happened at dinner?

Yeah. It was a pretty awkward dinner and we just kind of sat there like deer in headlights the entire night. I mean, do you think she was trying to like send a message to you guys? She didn't know what was going on, but still she was trying to get a message to you through him. I think she totally was trying to send us a message and she was doing it. Maybe the only way she knew how was to bring someone else in. What did that make you feel? Just more pressure, more pressure that I couldn't live up to. And it was just one more expectation that I disappointed them again. So you get in the car, I'm guessing after.

We do. We get in the car after dinner and we drive down to a pier. And it was kind of at that point that I just said, I can't tell them, there's no way. And so we decided that I would have an abortion.

And I did go through with that decision. And were you scared? I was terrified because I knew it was wrong. And I remember even being there on the table asking God, God, please don't look. God please look away. I know what I'm doing is wrong and it's against your heart.

Please don't watch. What did you feel like God thought of you? I felt like my sin pushed him further away and I had lots of sin. And so I just kept thinking that my lifestyle was pushing him further and further away and that he was angry and he was stiff arming me and really wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like I needed a crawl over broken glass to get back to him, but I didn't know how. And I didn't know what that broken glass looked like. When you walked out of the clinic, what did you feel? I cried all the way home. I just thought, what have I done? There's nothing I can do to reverse this. I thought I'm forever marked, I'm forever changed, and no one can ever know.

I've done this, I have to hide it, and no one can ever know what I've done. Take us on the next journey of what happened in your life. Did you stay with your boyfriend? No, we did not stay together at all. I so naively had thought, you know, he's the one I'm going to marry. He's the one I will be with forever. But after that decision, of course, he's older than me. I'm about to be a senior in high school.

So he goes off to college and I continue on into my senior year of high school. But something had changed in me, something had broken. Whereas before, it was just one relationship where I had been immoral. After this, it became many. I really didn't care. I started drinking to kind of cover that pain, to hide it, to mask it, just looking anywhere I could for love, for acceptance, for approval, just really was living a reckless life. On the outside, what did people see? They still saw the girl wearing a mask, trying hard, reading my Bible, singing in church, going to youth group, maybe not as frequently, but still there.

So how did you dig out? I mean, it feels like it destroyed you in a way, but here you are. So walk us through from darkness to light.

What happened? I felt destroyed and I felt like there was no answer, no way out, but God in His grace and in His mercy, He got me to a place where I was around believers, true believers. And when I would watch their lives, their lives were so different from mine. They would desire purity in their lives and they would make choices and steps to make sure they walked in purity.

I might have a desire for it, but there was no way I was going to put myself out to pursue it. I watched them walk in grace and in forgiveness and it was something I'd never seen. And their genuineness and the true Christianity I saw in them exposed that I did not have true Christianity. Like they were obedient, you're saying, but it wasn't out of obligation, it sounds like. It was deeper than what I had. I had a surface obedience, a surface love, but theirs was deeper and it was genuine. It was a freedom that they obeyed out of love, not out of duty, not out of they had to. And it was attractive?

It was very attractive. So you must have said, what, I got to have this or? Well, I read my Bible pretty consistently. I did not understand it, but it was something you were supposed to do. So I did it. I read my Bible and one morning I was up reading my Bible and the Lord just so clearly spoke to my heart. And he said, Andrea, you have got to get honest about your past.

You've got to bring this into the light and quit playing the game. And so I was terrified to do that, but I knew he was my only hope. And if that's what God was telling me to do and he's my only hope, I knew I needed to do it. And so I went and pulled the pastor's wife out of a Sunday morning service and I just said, I need to get honest with you. And I just started telling her about my past and it was difficult just forcing the words out of my mouth to explain where I'd been and how I'd lived. And she and her husband started asking me questions.

And remember I told you I was a good liar. So I'd always been able to lie my way out, wiggle my way out. But when they were asking me questions, it was like they nailed me to the wall and I was exposed. And for the first time I could see my sin the way a holy God has seen it the entire time. And I was undone because I'd always justified it.

And I didn't know what to do because I thought I was a believer. And so I just started at the top of my head and I went all the way down to my toes and I just said, God, I've got to give you all of me. I want to be your child. I want to obey you. I want to submit. You are the designer. You are the creator.

I want to do it the way you have designed for me to do it. And so did you feel forgiven? No.

No? I did not feel forgiven. In fact, now I had a new view on my sin and the sin got bigger.

So big, in fact, that I made myself physically sick because I started learning who God was, that he's a God of life, that he's a God of love, that he's a protector. And I had been the exact opposite of that. My choices had led to death.

I didn't protect my unborn child. It was like the shame and the guilt grew bigger. And yet you'd heard that God forgives you, but you just couldn't grasp it?

I couldn't believe that God would forgive what I had done. So when did you discover the freedom that he offers and also his love and his grace and his total forgiveness for all of what you've done and for what we have all done? It has been a journey, for sure. During that part of my life, I tried everything to get well. I ran to doctors, I tried antidepressants, I tried strict diets, I tried everything and nothing was working for me to physically feel better. But I had heard that also this pregnancy care center, again, I had heard that they had a curriculum for women to go through who had experienced abortion.

And I just thought, you know, I've tried everything else, it couldn't hurt, I'm going to go. So I went and I met with a very amazing woman, also named Ann, who had gone through an abortion previously and the pregnancy care center had developed a whole little workbook that you could go through. And as I was going through this workbook, it was leading me into the Word. And what was happening every day is that the mound of scripture was growing, that God was a forgiving God, that He was a God, merciful and gracious, abounding in steadfast love, that He was a God who took our sins and threw them as far as the east is from the west.

And this mound of scripture was getting bigger and bigger. And it was on one side, and then my thoughts and feelings were on the other side. And I got to the point where I had to make a choice, which one am I going to believe? Am I going to continue to believe what I think and what I feel or what God's Word says?

And it feels ironic because you think what you think and feel is really humble because you're feeling so bad about yourself and you're trying to punish yourself. But I started to learn that's really pride because I'm believing what I think, what I feel more than the God of the universe has said. And when I started to see it in that light, I started to see pride in a way that I had not understood it before, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to grab a hold of everything that God had said. And I'm still on that journey.

That's not a journey that was over all those years ago. Every day, I have to fight to believe what God says over what I think or feel. So Andrea, as I listened to you, and thank you for sharing that, I'm sure so many of our listeners have either experienced something, maybe an abortion or their friends have or sisters or they've had a part of that. What would you want those women to know?

I would want them to know there is a God who forgives and there is a God who loves you, who sees you. And it's the whole reason Jesus came because he knew we would never be able to live out a perfect life. We would fail. We're broken. We're sinful.

We're fallen. And that's why Jesus had to come. It's the gospel.

It is the gospel. He came and he lived out our perfection for us because he knew we never could. And then he took all of those sins on himself on the cross. And Jesus paid for that sin in full.

So we don't have to anymore. In fact, we never can, but Jesus took all of that sin onto himself and he paid in full. And then the scripture tells us that he who knew no sin became sin for us. And it goes on to say, so that we might become the righteousness of God. And I can't even fathom that.

Me neither. But that's why Jesus died. He took our sin and then he clothes us in his righteousness. And so today we stand free and forgiven all because of the gift of Jesus. I think of Jesus saying, I have come to set the captive free.

And that's what I feel like I have needed to know over the years of even having sexual abuse. He's come to set me free. And for our listeners, if you feel like, oh, I am not free. He is the one who has the power to set you free. And if you have never shared maybe a secret or something that has happened, I would encourage you to find a trusted believer and friend and share your story with them and allow God's word. I love that you were always in his word too. And I love the visual of the truth and promises of his word were stacked so much higher than the lies that you were believing about yourself. It's so beautiful that God gave you forgiveness. And when you said that earlier, Andrea, I thought you felt I can't be forgiven of this. And I think we all have something that we're like, my sin is too far beyond everyone else.

I'm the worst. And yet you sit here forgiven, we're forgiven. A woman listening that has maybe made the same decision is forgiven and there's new life in Christ. You're living it.

That's right. And I think too, Dave, as we as a church, now it begins where we can walk alongside women in our church that are struggling with this decision, or maybe they have made a decision of abortion to walk beside them. Or maybe now women have decided I'm going to keep this baby and we can walk with those women in our community, in our church, in our families, and even hearing your story.

If my daughter comes home with this announcement to me, I want to respond in a way that she knows like, oh, as scripture says, this child is a blessing from the Lord. Now let's decide what should we do? We know that this life is precious and we will save this life. How can we help you? How can we partner with you? How can we take this before a God that knows you, sees you, and loves you?

Yes. Thinking about that, if one of my daughters came to me and said, Mom, I'm pregnant now before I'm married, I would hope my response back to her would be, beautiful woman, I love you so much. And I know that where you're finding yourself today is not where you want it to be. It's not the plan that you had.

It's not the plan that I had for you. But now that you are here, let's move forward doing it the way the God of life would want us to do life. He's the creator. He designed life and we want to live our lives lined up for him.

He's a God of life. So how can we move forward in here choosing life? There's a verse that I love in Deuteronomy and it says, God is speaking and he says, but if from there, and there was a place that the Israelites did not want to be, they did not want to be where they were. And God says, if from there you will seek me with all of your heart, you will find me. And I think that's a promise for all of us that no matter where we are, if we're in a very dark place of our own making, maybe we put ourselves there. God is still saying from there, if you will seek me with all your heart, you will find me. And God makes a way.

He is a God of life and we don't know all the answers, but God will make a way as we take steps forward, looking for him and choosing life. This is David Robbins, president of Family Life. Andrea's story is a remarkable example of how the love of God is able to penetrate each of our lives and redeem every circumstance. It's also a reminder that God's love is most often expressed through people, people just like you and me.

Here's what I know as I listen to and reflect on today's program. As followers of Jesus, we have an opportunity to gladly and intentionally come alongside mothers and also fathers and children who need to experience the tangible love of Jesus. We are his hands and feet to those who need physical, emotional, and spiritual help. Andrea's story reminds us that we do not always know the deeper parts of someone's life. My encouragement today is that we worship the author and giver of life by being proactive and our love for all image bearers. May God give you eyes to see every person in your corner of the world with compassion and extend grace that points them to Jesus, the source of life itself. These are the relationships that matter most. Family Life today is a production of Family Life, a crew ministry, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.