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January 17, 2022 9:00 pm
Could your physical health influence how you act toward your spouse? Bestselling authors Dave & Ashley Willis chat about genuine change in your bodies & relationship.
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So this might sound crazy, but one of the things that I've always appreciated the ED Davis you really do take care of yourself.
Even the fact that you would make an appointment go to the doctor you told me to sleep. Did it go get you to Delhi do what I mean. There have been times where I didn't take care.
I didn't get physical, but now I'm I know this is some important it's crazy because I feel loved and I feel secure when I what think knowing that you're taking care of yourself.
That makes me not worry about the future that makes me think like oh he's gonna be around a little bit because he's taking care of himself. So you tell me that I should go play more golf. That's what I'm here. Is it is it physically exerting its own as you go or go now.
It doesn't matter to me what you do but I do like you're taking care of yourself Viggo was feeling what I think that we worry about our men's health. You know, because we love you and want you to be around. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson Wilson and you can find firstname.lastname@example.org or on our family life is family life today so we got David Ashley Willis back in the studio with his family today. Welcome back, thinking we were glad you guys are back in the you know many know you as the authors of naked marriage and they can merge podcasts in your latest book, naked and healthy, which means you guys are helping us write them things you just nutritionists and physical specimens right totally to sometimes what you like.
Everyone is smirking when they look like a health but the irony is, I'm not in that great of shape.
Okay, love handles and told me to run he might never know. That day was all the great Society founded you where the right shirts. You can cover a multitude of sins is in this book is really talk about you. You say uncover the lifestyle your mind, body, spirit and marriage need that we Artie talked sort about the mind, the emotions, today's about the yes I say real quick just kinda like why this came together.
The way that it did. Anyway, isn't that you have a healthy marriage that you have a healthy marriage and always relationship principles that we always share. We really started to get into it and researching like what is it that the couples who are healthy in every way, what is that look like and we we found you know what is seems like it would kinda be common sense that when we prioritize our own health and we encourage one another toward healthy living mind, body and soul, then the health of our marriage as a byproduct is naturally going to get healthier two, but sometimes part of the reason why the marriages and healthy because we neglect our own health. So when feel bad like were were you and Ben were not at our best. And so we can't be the best spouse that we can be in so God wants us to have a healthy life, healthy marriage and its mind, body and soul and it will do those things while at the same time prioritize our marriage. They were both going to be at our best.
And so that's that was the goal behind the book is helping both spouses be at their best, individually and learn the principles really could learn to do that together with the marriage that I mean we've read it. It's a fantastic book. Everything you do. We were on how well you have a long go and we love you guys and what you doing you really really hope emerges not just here, everywhere, in world districts and like you got to say something because it is pretty cool week for our listeners. Are we can remember marriage getaways with family life are right now half-price in their 60 of them coming up this spring. We talk about this kind of stuff of Indiana's session on of the physical in the weekend and the intimacy of marriage genetically emotionally like what yours are talking about and even why God instituted some people are confused about what is what is the word of God have to say about the physical and even in marriage, so we we dive into everything and that weekend it changed our marriage. It was the first place as an engaged couple. We went to we ever got a vision for what God wanted marriage to be. We had no idea until that weekend and it's great for marriages. 2034 years as well. So anyway, all that to say you should sign up half-price come on man I am alive today.com are spring conferences are just getting going. There's 90/60. I think that will be needing around the country so this is your opportunity to pull away and really invest in your marriage okay so Wilson's talk about how does the physical impact of marriage were not obviously you wrote the book. It's not just about the sexual part of your marriage but physical health, physical everything. Talk to us about it because we often think about mental and emotional. We think about spiritual. Often we think the body is important but is not really going to impact my marriage and a great way how does it impact McGinnis will if you're not feeling good, then you're probably not to treat people as well that for me has definitely been the case, and I can be like feeling good physically or even hungry if you're hungry you know you guys and heard the term before angry right and it's like not a good time to necessarily bring up like a really important conversation. At that time because you're not feeling good and I think that in periods like you said you delete we tend to forget the importance of that and I learned this the hard way like we literally started out our marriage can appealingly go into great detail about us and about that lead kinda challenge each other, actually in her engagement to get in the best shape we could before you know our our wedding. And so we did and we actually got in some really good shape and then we went to an all-inclusive resort on her honeymoon. I don't thing we never eaten so many calories I gained and lost too much weight gain like some like 5 to 10 pounds or something on our supposed to do that to a video that we we that we we say some people love each other in sickness and in health. We love each other in thickness and he said because we've had the full the full spectrum and we try to come back though to what what God actually this is the biblical principle we come back to and that in the book and everything we do we we try to base it on completely on on God's word and I had a preacher mentor.
Mindset like they want, whenever you speak.
Try to use a lot of Scripture you know at least something you said is actually true. Back to that is that his accent to and so we tried always to my description what Scripture says on this in Corinthians, you know, the apostle Paul, is this child in the church in Corinth and one of the just the strongest ways he did. He says it on this topic is his honor God with your bodies and in the broader context is you been bought with a price and you know people in Corinth were they were they were sending sexually, getting caught up in this just a lot of the gluttony and hedonism a lot of things of the culture and he was saying hey guys, listen, I know these bodies are temporary, but we do in these bodies can have an eternal significance. And you need to train and discipline your body like an athlete and you need to honor God with your bodies that did mean we all have to have sixpack abs I've never seen my desire.
There's a lot of thing in the Bible so I don't think Christians are supposed to be too skinny. I will really skinny Christian, but all I get pushback by saying you know you shouldn't be consumed with worldly things looking really good. That's worldly when he stated that well it's really it's not about vanity.
It's about stewardship in a God has given us one body, and that one, but we've got to do our best to be our best in it because what we do and again. Paul's analogy were training our bodies not just to win a trophy or of a prize like the world gives out I am. There's nothing wrong with an athlete working hard to win a medal or trophy or whatever he said but were training our bodies is what we do in these bodies has eternal significance for God's work in God's kingdom and for us to be able to do always called us to do for ministry for marriage for our our own legacy. We needed be healthy. I mean, I think we still enjoy life and my goodness I have good desires in this area when it comes to food I going to tell you a quick example like I was in a grocery store recently in something about being a grocery store around food like my judgment plummets are not as good, and I am with you. Unless I ran into someone you know should she and I used to have just in a really unhealthy relationship and I thought it she was just part of my past and and was not a part of my future but I start to store and dispel these old feelings and her names.
Little Debbie and I saw Lise and I just I don't know you going feelings came back and I not put the put a few boxes in the car as a specific little that would help you cream pie home on mad to confess Ashley.
Ashley Libby, he hid in a cabinet like a spider eye is our kids eat everything like they eat so much stuff with four boys visages a lot, so that they got it now. What I do bring little Debbie home. I have to hide a special hiding place because they will find it, they will just find it so the balance and I thinking that we wrote it listening that you like… Even have to do with marriage, and I think not only do we want to feel at our best for each other. Indeed our best for each other and a little longer life together. You know there's a lot of things we can't control about our physical health kinda comes our way, with different unit and diagnosis we get her, or maybe a tragedy that we can linger in a terrible rack that kindness causes us to have some permanent damage and changes we have to make Canada in our life were to do what you can with what the body God has given you to to be at your best. But I mean here's the big that the bank at kinda think legal citizens a lot to think that this show that you pay attention to the fact that it's never our job, they'll to be like our spouses critical coat and that's where we literally seen this one issue at physical health become the thing that causes the most marital problems where one spouse may be values, physical health, more than the other spouse and they keep on being critical of their spouse and their spouses body and it just makes their spouse, the less then and it causes a lot of fights and it causes a lot of disagreement over what food to have in the house and Holly asked what routine to do and can really get out of hand. You know, I think for some people this may be a minor issue that I can't take any fancy counsel couples where this is the issue and and I think that there's there's truth on both sides. I get a better marriage dynamic, if maybe maybe your listening and you have always been a healthy person may be an athlete and light health has been a huge part of your life you always pretty much been in good shape and and it's been something that like you take pride in us and that's a good thing to me that's kudos to you for staying healthy and and and using the gifts that God is giving you.
But then there's other people where maybe they just not baguette health is not for the group in a home where it wasn't valued as much, or maybe they've they've had bodies that don't cooperate any. There's some people that are as coordinated or not gifted physically when it comes to sports and such. Or maybe they in the metabolism doesn't work like their spouses and are constantly battling gaining weight and they're trying the best they can, but they just can't lose the weight they wanted. They want to list others besides. To this and I think that what happens when when a husband and wife find themselves in this dynamic and they don't really you know try to look at their spouses being just different.
You know they don't eat. I think because I think I'm right like I'm right, you're wrong. They're not often graced and that's where we see so many fights and on and it really can affect your sex life majorly uneasy for like your spouse isn't like your body and is attracted to you. I mean, it really kills in the and there's things like that so we really have to pay attention to how were approaching our spouse and what we say about their body, how they look at Danny for being critical. We stop so what do you do if you see your spouse. Then again, not being supercritical like the just gone off the deep end and I don't care but if they're starting to you think make unhealthy choices physically and with food and you don't want to be critical, but you also will be helpful. I'm not talking about our marriage.
I'm just talking about you know somebody he's looking to see by the unicorn hands felt that toward me. You know, I know there's there's a couple listener spouse listening to William but I see that he's drifting or she is to say nothing, whose husband gave her a gym membership for Christmas and she's already been struggling, and she knows that but for him to give that to her.
She felt like wow he thinks I've totally lost control, and then she gained more weight because she felt so much shame. Yeah, that's you, so don't do the gym membership or yeah well I think it in marriage. We gotta be each other's biggest cheerleader. Not each other's biggest credit you know it's it's spiritual gift lists in the Bible includes the gifts of encouragement, yet the gift of critic is nowhere in there and some people think in marriage that they have this gift of this responsibility to criticize her spouse or parent or coach their spouse and that that crushes that that the partnership dynamic that God intended marriage to be so just encourage each other toward good things and we put our heads in the sand and if a spouse is gone off the deep end.
He just mentioned to me and she is the more disciplined every part of our motion toward me as she was more disciplined by far.
But like for us. We we just tried to like encourage each other by saying like a let's get the habit together of what's going to walk every night. You know, which was where our best conversations happen in a week is get outside, go on a walk or get some exercise together but it's also about connecting instead of just saying I here's a gym membership, you know you could use it and if if either one of us ever wants to make an investment in our own health, like wheat we try to always support that, even if it's a lien time financially, if you know one of us as a let's I want to get a gym membership, Rob would like to buy this. This home equipment or whatever it might be them is like let's figure out a way to make that happen because an investment in her health is is good. It's good to help us be our best and we want to help each other get our best kind of an image we use in the book is like if your life is sort of like it's built on a three legged stool and the three legs that store mental health, physical health and spiritual health and a lot of us will get two of those three right and I think especially sometimes in in in Christian circles, we prioritize the to the mental and spiritual, and we we don't all the physical and we don't know the physical than that that tables missing a whole leg and it's going to make things wobbly.
Even if your hearts in the right place. Remind the right place relationship with God's right.
But if you're constantly you know battling with the physical stuff like Ashley said sometimes it's out of your control. And if you're dealing with an issue like cancer or my gosh you know whatever issue it is is is spouses. It's a privilege to just serve each other, and those in those areas and up in the carrier spells and hold them in their moments of of weakness, but at like Ashley said before, as far as it depends on us even if we are dealing with an injury like you know I sure like I gone through a thyroid disorder that's gonna put my whole body out of whack and changed a lot about my life. You just you do the best you can with what you got and say I will want to really get a new body and in heaven.
Anyway, that will have abs on convincing right now with this one of God. I wanted to be as healthy as I can and let's encourage each other and that and I think one of the beautiful parts of the you know the physical with your spouse and I again we often go right to the sexual relationship, but when you're going through something physically, and you have a spouse there is your partner what to give way just said they was cancer Army I went through a back surgery thing where I was fighting sciatica for 70 years, I kept putting off surgery and I'm going you and I do different things at work when I finally went in for surgery, which by the way, will best things ever did, never had sciatica. One second sense, but all I can remember about that time. My life was. She was right there by me. I had a partner sympathizing with me understanding supporting me.
It was ace, her later after the surgery I came home and I'm laying on the couch like him to do everything the doctor said I'm never going to get up to number she's a she and my son went in the other room just laugh I left you several blocking either didn't do that to his landing behind bag I believe is biblical and okay and so many women would say such a baby when he gets sick.
I am a baby and she is a term that is used baby. She broke her toe a couple weeks ago in the kitchen just ran her pinky toe and snapped it in. All I can recommend like I heard it all.
She's she would be on crutches. As Jason Bourne like she's she snapped her toe and all she does is go well I broke my toe me, I would still be with the gnashing of teeth crying.
I would be there be a prayer chain bringing meals like that. I would've milked it, but she is just so tough and I think that most marriages like this that women are tough like you may not like were tougher and in our lives. Let us believe that we are but we all know not deliver a baby epidural for her child like you is so much about this, we owe a lot of time left foot Eulas to talk about little bit about the sexual physical part of a marriage because of time. If you could say one thing, what would be the first say maybe it's different for both of you that you would say to a couple of say what how how how could you help me in my marriage in this area. How should I think differently, act differently, talk to me about God's heart for the sexual aspect of our merge. I would say sex is important and anything happening regularly and look different for every couple and then we have so many couples, writers, and saying how many times a week, comes mindset a couple initially have sextant like when asked to give them the number and I would say you know we can't do that. It's different for every capital that one thing that is for sure is. As you grow older. That's been a change a little bit of money is changing your sit here in the couple that's older so yeah we can affirm that and when you and I think though sometimes he will will kind of reach and stumbling blocks where working the same as they dead or maybe the libidos change or something and we find where there's credit couples come to a crossroads where you know maybe one spouse he feels frustrated by it is like you know what this is just that. I guess what rate was never gonna have sex again or are not nearly the amount least you and I would just say let's not make escape first volatile compassion for each other but let's also not make excuses because yes, things are going to change as we get older, but sometimes there's underlying issues like a thyroid issue. It really affected his testosterone just to be on this matter and situation just to sit back and say well this is just me. Guess there's nothing I can do. Did research and he went talk to his doctor and he got some supplements and because he knew he wasn't feeling quite like himself. And so I think you know, just being willing to talk to the professionals who can maybe help you because a lot of times there are things especially, even when it comes to energy level or on your hormone levels being off. There's things that we can do you know that God gave us these amazing people that become doctors and do all this research and can help us in this area and and also pray that I don't be afraid to pray about your sex life that God created sex was completely his idea. Thank you. Our marriage as a blessing and an amazing way for a married couple to connect and so don't be afraid if you're having issues in this area. Pray about it.actually cares about your sex life. I don't know who we're talking to other on a frozen family today or not. Or I just heard a podcast but of the couple talked about praying before they made love you like you prayer that God would show up in this church service right you pray the gumshoe up when we do so with our kids.
Why when you prance a God. I'm asking you to bless us now as we make love like like well that's a concept right now Indians it's it's a it is.
It's a beautiful and holy moment that God created. I think that is a culture even within the church, we kinda bought into this myth that, like the devil owns sex now and we even were like were weren't embarrassed to talk about it work you know it we were bent were embarrassed to enjoy it because we think of this. This feels wrong. Maybe it's because of mine since we were raised with an 11 week. That's all we talk so much about it on the naked marriage podcast if you guys talk about it a lot. Even then, it's all Ashley is kind of topic given some application. As we close, like maybe a couple things that we can do in this area that would really be beneficial to the physical part of our health will starting just to be as practical as I can go say no more little Debbie's know what I think will Debbie is an angel sent from the Lord brings comfort in our dark times are in the hold onto that and so in moderation, moderate. I think sometimes a couple individual within marriage will get in the minds of her talk about physical health, which is may be an issue where it's already you already have some discomfort there insecurity there and this is painful even talk about or think about because you know you don't like your own body right now and I think a lot of times what holds couple back from experiencing sexual intimacy and fulfillment is when one or both just has these insecurities there like I don't like the way that I feel I don't like the way that I look especially as we age.
Yeah it's changing and I just I don't like it in and I'd rather just that. Just shut off that whole part of of life and my marriage would have to think about it or maybe if I got really good shape than I could enjoy making love again and so someday off in the future will have a great sex life but certainly not right now. Not now I weigh this or look like this.
Listen, God wants you to have in marriage. A beautiful instrument fulfilling sex life right now and you might think that I don't like without looking like the way that I feel and it's like look, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you just enjoy one another, right where you are, you still continue to strive to have health goals and all that but right now, don't put this part of your marriage on hold, say, let's prioritize in our physical intimacy. Our sex life right now and what would that look like right now, not after I lose X amount of pounds, right after we get on like a diet or something like that even though you might want to do those things just for your own overall well-being. But right now, what would it look like don't wait, don't hit the snooze button on it and ever. I believe every couple in others can look different in every season. Every context every day in every set of circumstances. But every couple bit that is physically able candidate should be able to connect and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with one another because that's something that God desires.
And so, don't deny yourself or your spouse about absolutely and just add Kenneth having to do with physical health and health in general I would say you know do whatever you can to support each other in your quest towards physical health and this is something I do learn the hard way, but don't expect your spouse to do the exact same regimen that you do and I remember early in our relationship like I did after we had. I think our first or second child I had a lecture laid on me and I did Weight Watchers.
I was expecting Dave like to know all the points. This time it was illegally sitting horses never know how many points that I like. I don't care. I know that I just really was like we that I do this together anyhow thing idea he got to do anything you do I have to do and you know, obviously we want it.
Enjoy all things in marriage together, but it doesn't mean you do the exact same thing. You can encourage each other in your health journey by really just making the time and space for your spouse to do that thing like it if they need to go to that class that spin class at the gym you have children just make sure like your home at a certain time so you can give the kids while they go to that class or if they wanted to go to that weight watchers meeting in a same thing. I think I'm just making the time and space and arrangements to attend to help them do this don't sabotage that Mike is Dave's on a huge health cake and really trying to meet certain goals. I'm glad my little Debbie's because I know I was gonna sabotage and and so I think just being able to encourage each other. It is how we really can encourage each other to be in our best to meet every day, not judging, just encouraging someone that I would. I would add for our marriage. It's been really fun, especially as the kids of of left and were empty-nesters to do physical things together, suck some tongue about a walk, work out in public. I love it. Price it every week of school hit a tennis ball because she's a great tennis player pickle ball. All are like that, but I didn't know I did not want to walk with her and she's always more good years.
He's like we can we can get heart rate, I don't know. But then I go walk with her and she's the fastest walker I can't even get you to get beside her, but we talk our marriages and hand size.
Some in the physical part, which always thought I have my physical regimen you have in years know it's blend sometimes and God has made us as material beings and immaterial beings we are body and soul and in marriage, when to become one. We bring all of that with us much, why this issue of our bodies being healthy matters to our myrtle oneness and that's what David and Wilson been talking about today with Dave and Ashley Willis. They've written a book called naked and healthy and it's about oneness in marriage in every aspect of our marriages. We got the book in our family like today resource Center and you can go to our website. Family life to.com for more information or you can call to order a copy if you like her number is one 800 FL today, but I also want to encourage you to set aside a weekend this spring where you focus on your marriage pursuing oneness in marriage that's at the center of all we talk about in our family life. We come to remember marriage getaways. These two have to getaways are all about understanding God's design for marriage and bringing your marriage into alignment with that we host these giveaways in cities all across the country and we are excited to have a full slate of events happening the spring. You can go to our website. Family life to the.com to find out what a getaway is coming to a city near where you live or a city you'd like to visit and then join us about an upcoming getaway effect.
If you sign up this week.
You and your spouse can save 50% off the regular registration fee were making this special offer to family life today listers it's good this week only so go to our website family like today.com.
Find out more about the getaway register online and save 50% off the regular registration fee or call us if you have any questions at one 800 FL today, one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, amend the word today but decide not to do something this spring that will help you pursue a stronger, healthier marriage relationship.
Join us for a family life weekend to remember marriage getaway tomorrow work to hear about what may be the most significant part of our marriage relationship that is spiritual oneness. How do we pursue spiritual intimacy with one another, ones that look like a marriage. Dave and Ashley Willis will join us again. We hope you can join us as well on behalf of our hosts Dave and I am Wilson I'm Bob Lapine will see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life to the production of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most