Why Physical Health Matters for your Marriage

So this might sound crazy but one of the things that I've always appreciated that you do Dave is you really do take care of yourself.

Even the fact that you would make an appointment, go to the doctor. You told me to. I know but you actually did it. I feel like that. I'm kidding you didn't tell me to but I mean there have been times where I didn't take care. I didn't get a physical but now I'm like no this is something.

Yeah and that makes it important. It's crazy because I feel loved and I feel secure. When I what? Yeah like knowing that you're taking care of yourself that makes me not worry about the future. That makes me think like oh he's gonna be around a little bit because he's taking care of himself. So you're telling me that I should go play more golf. That's what I'm hearing. Is it is it physically exerting? Is that good for your heart? You're telling me I should go work out.

That's a good thing. No it doesn't matter to me what you do but I do like that you're taking care of yourself. Do you think all wives feel that way?

I think that we worry about our men's health you know because we love you and want you to be around. Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app.

This is Family Life Today. So we've got Dave and Ashley Willis back in the studio with us at Family Life Today. Welcome back.

Thank you. Thanks for having us. We're glad you guys are back and you know many know you as the authors of Naked Marriage and Naked Marriage podcast and your latest book Naked and Healthy which means you guys are health nuts right? That means you're just nutritionists and physical specimens right? Totally.

Sometimes. Why do I feel like everyone is smirking when they look at me saying you look like a health nut? Well the irony is I'm not in that great of shape okay? I have love handles and God called me to write a health book.

We would never know that Dave. Well it's all about baggy clothing. I have found that if you wear the right shirts you can cover a multitude of sins. In this book as we're going to talk about you you say uncover the lifestyle your mind body spirit and marriage need and we've already talked sort of about the mind and the emotions. Today's about the body. Yes. Let me say real quick just kind of like why this came together the way that it did anyway isn't folks would ask how do you have a healthy marriage how do you have a healthy marriage and there are all these relationship principles that we always share but we really started digging into it and researching like what is it that the couples who are healthy in every way what does that look like and we we found you know what it seems like it would kind of be common sense that when we prioritize our own health and we encourage one another toward healthy living mind body and soul then the health of our marriage as a byproduct is naturally going to get healthier too but sometimes part of the reason why the marriage isn't healthy is because we've neglected our own health like so we feel bad so we feel bad like we're we're feeling bad we're not at our best and so we can't be the best spouse that we can be and so God wants us to have a healthy life a healthy marriage and it's mind body and soul and if we'll do those things while at the same time prioritizing our marriage then we're both going to be at our best and so that's that was the goal behind the book is helping both spouses be at their best individually and learning the principles where they could learn to do that together within marriage yeah and I mean we've read it it's a fantastic book everything you do we were on your podcast not too long ago and we love you guys and what you're doing you're really really helping marriage is not just here everywhere in the world it's pretty want to be like you guys and I do want to say something because it is a pretty cool week for our listeners our weekend remember marriage getaways with family life are right now half price and there's 60 of them coming up this spring we talk about this kind of stuff I mean there's a session on the physical in the weekend and the intimacy of marriage physically emotionally kind of like what you guys are talking about yeah and even why God instituted marriage yeah and so many people are confused about what is what does the Word of God have to say about the physical and even in a marriage so we we dive into everything in that weekend it changed our marriage it was the first place as an engaged couple we went to we ever got a vision for what God wanted marriage to be we had no idea until that weekend and it's great for marriages 20 30 40 years as well so anyway all that to say you should sign up half price come on band family life today calm our spring conferences are just getting going there's going to be over 60 I think that will be meeting around the country so this is your opportunity to pull away and really invest in your marriage yeah okay so Wilson's talk about how does the physical impact a marriage and we're not obviously you wrote the book it's not just about the sexual part of your marriage but physical health physical everything talk to us about it because we often think about mental and emotional we think about spiritual often we think the body is important but it's not really going to impact my marriage in a great way how does it impact my goodness well if you're not feeling good then you're probably not going to treat people as well I know that for me has definitely been the case and that can be like feeling good physically or even hungry if you're hungry you know you guys have heard the the term before angry you're hungry right yeah and it's like not a good time to necessarily bring up like a really important conversation at that time because you're not feeling good and I think that in marriage like you said you know we tend to forget the importance of that and Dave and I have learned this the hard way like we literally started out our marriage kind of doing and we go into great detail about this in the book but we kind of challenge each other actually in our engagement to get in the best shape we could before you know our wedding night and so we did and we actually got in some really good shape and then you know we went to an all-inclusive resort on our honeymoon and I don't think we've ever eaten so many calories in our life yeah I mean I think I gained because I had lost too much weight and I think I gained like something like five to ten pounds or something on our honeymoon are we not supposed to do that yeah maybe we should you know but but it's very we've had we say some people love each other and sickness and in health we've loved each other in thickness and in hell that's what we said because we've had the full the full spectrum and we try to come back though to what what God actually this is the biblical principle we come back to in the in the book and everything we do we try to base it on completely on on God's Word you know I had a preacher mentor mine said like Dave went whenever you speak try to use a lot of scripture that way you'll know at least something you said is actually true and so come back to that and so I'm like yeah is that his accent and so we try to always come back description what scripture says on this in Corinthians you know the Apostle Paul is challenging the church in Corinth and one of the just the strongest ways he says it on this topic because he says honor God with your bodies and in the broader context as you've been bought with a price and you know people in Corinth were you know they were they were sinning sexually getting caught up in in just a lot of the gluttony and hedonism and a lot of things of the culture and he was saying hey guys listen I know you know these bodies are temporary but we do in these bodies can have an eternal significance and you need to train and discipline your body like an athlete and you need to honor God with your bodies that doesn't mean we all have to have six-pack abs I've never seen my abs I believe they're there there's a lot of feasting in the Bible too I don't think Christians are supposed to be too skinny I don't think I'm always a little skeptical of really skinny Christians but oh my goodness what about the pushback that people are saying you know we shouldn't be consumed with worldly things looking really good that's worldly what would you say to that well it's really it's not about vanity it's about stewardship you know God has given us one body and that one but we've got to do our best to be at our best in it because what we do and again Paul's analogy we're training our bodies not just to win a trophy or a prize like the world gives out even though there's nothing wrong with an athlete working hard to win a medal or a trophy or whatever he said but we're training our bodies because what we do in these bodies has eternal significance for God's work in God's Kingdom and for us to be able to do all he's called us to do for ministry for marriage for our own legacy we need to be healthy I mean I think we still enjoy life and my goodness I have good desires in this area but when it comes to food like let me tell you a quick example like I was in a grocery store recently and something about being a grocery store around food like my judgment just plummets I'm not as good and I am with you on this I ran into someone that you know she and I used to have just you know really unhealthy relationship and I thought that she was just part of my past and and was not gonna be part of my future but I saw her in the store I just felt these old feelings and her name's Little Debbie and I saw her display and I just I don't know a lot of old feelings came back and I I put her I put a few boxes there in the cart there's a specific Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie he took her home I had to confess to Ashley Ashley I I brought Little Debbie home I just want you guys he hid it in a cabinet like in a special our kids eat everything like they eat so much stuff we have four boys they're just a lot so that now when I do bring Little Debbie home I have to hide oh yeah I have to have a special hiding place because they will find it they will just find it so well but we try to have balance and I think you know we wrote some people listening might be like well what does this even have to do with marriage and I think not only do we want to feel at our best for each other and be at our best for each other and to live a longer life together you know there's a lot of things we can't control about our physical health that kind of comes our way with different you know a diagnosis we get or or maybe a tragedy that we kind of you know when we're in a terrible wreck that kind of causes us to have some permanent damage and changes we have to make kind of in our life we're talking about do what you can with what the body God has given you to be at your best but I mean here's the big the big kind of thing but you know we need to pay attention to the fact that it's never our job though to be like our spouses critical coach and that's where we've literally seen this one issue of physical health become the thing that causes the most marital problems where one spouse may be values physical health more than the other spouse and they they keep on being critical of their spouse their spouses body and it just makes their spouse feel less than and it causes a lot of fights and it causes a lot of disagreements over what food to have in the house and oh yeah what routine to do and I mean it can really get out of hand you know I think for some people this may be a minor issue but I can't tell you how many times we've counseled couples where this is the issue and and I think that there's there's truth on both sides like if that's your marriage dynamic if maybe maybe you're listening and you have always been a healthy person maybe you're an athlete and like health has been a huge part of your life you've always pretty much been in good shape and and it's been something that like you would take pride in that's awesome that's a good thing I mean that's kudos to you for staying healthy and using the gifts that God has given you but then there's a flip you know there's other people where maybe they've just not valued health as much maybe they grew up in a home where it wasn't valued as much or maybe they've they've had bodies that don't cooperate I mean there's some people that aren't as coordinated or they're not gifted physically when it comes to you know sports and such or maybe they you know their metabolism doesn't work like their spouses and they're constantly battling gaining weight and they're trying the best they can but they just can't lose the weight they want to they want to lose you know there's both sides to this and I think that what happens when when a husband and wife find themselves in this dynamic and they don't really you know try to look at their spouses being just different you know they don't you know I think sometimes they think well I'm right like I'm right you're wrong they're not offering grace they don't offer great and that's where we see so many fights and and it really can affect your sex life majorly I mean if you feel like your spouse isn't like your body and isn't attracted to you I mean it really kills the mood and there's things like that so we really have to pay attention to kind of how we're approaching our spouse and what we say about their body how we look at them and if we're being critical we need to stop hmm so what do you do I mean if you see your spouse and again not being super critical like they've just gone off the deep end and they don't care but if they're starting to you think make unhealthy choices physically and with food and you don't want to be critical but you also want to be helpful and I'm not talking about our marriage I'm just talking about you know somebody he's looking just he just spied at me in the corner I think it ends felt that toward me no no I know there's there's a couple listen or spouse listen and go well yeah but I I see that he's drifting or she's drifting do I say nothing whose husband gave her a gym membership for Christmas yeah and she's already been struggling and she knows it but for him to give that to her she felt like wow he thinks I've totally lost control and then she gained more weight because she felt so much shame yeah yeah that's yeah so don't do the gym membership unless she's asked for it yeah or he's asked for you know I think in marriage we've got to be each other's biggest cheerleader not each other's biggest critic yeah you know it's spiritual gift lists in the Bible includes the gift of encouragement yeah but the gift of critic is nowhere in there and some people think in marriage that they have this gift or this responsibility to criticize their spouse or parent or coach their spouse and that that crushes the the partnership dynamic that God intended marriage to be so just encourage each other toward good things and that doesn't mean we put our heads in the sand if a spouse is going off the deep end he just motioned to me no she's the more disciplined in every part of our marriage motion and toward me she was she was the more is the more disciplined by far but like for us we've we've just tried to like encourage each other by saying like hey let's get in the habit together of let's go on a walk every night you know which was where our best conversations happen you know when we can just get outside go on a walk we're getting some exercise together but it's also about connecting instead of just saying that here's the gym membership you know you could use it and if if either one of us ever wants to make an investment in our own health like we we try to always support that even if it's a lean time financially if you know one of us says hey let's I want to get a gym membership or I would like to you know buy this this home equipment or whatever it might be then it's like well let's figure out a way to make that happen because an investment in our health is is good it's gonna help us be our best and we want to help each other be at our best kind of an image we use in the book is like if your life it's sort of like it's built on a three legged stool and the three legs of that stool or mental health physical health and spiritual health and a lot of us will get two of those three right and I think especially sometimes in in in Christian circles we prioritize the to the mental and spiritual and we we don't at all the physical and when we don't at all with the physical then that that table is missing a whole leg and it's gonna make things wobbly even if your hearts in the right place your mind is the right place your relationship with God's right but if you're constantly you know battling with the physical stuff and like Ashley said sometimes it's out of your control and if you're dealing with an issue like cancer or my gosh you know whatever issue it is as spouses it's a privilege to just serve each other in those in those areas and to carry your spouse and hold them in their moments of of weakness but at like Ashley said before as far as it depends on us even if we are dealing with an injury and like you know I share like I've gone through a thyroid disorder that's kind of put my whole body out of whack and changed a lot about my life you just you do the best you can with what you've got you do and say yeah well one day we're gonna get a new body in heaven anyway that will have abs I'm convinced right now with this one I've got I want it to be as healthy as I can and let's encourage each other in that yeah yeah and I think one of the beautiful parts of the you know the physical with your spouse and again we often go right to the sexual relationship but when you're going through something physically and you have a spouse there as your partner what a gift what you just said Dave whether it's cancer I mean I went through a back surgery thing where I was fighting sciatica for seven eight years and I kept putting off surgery and I'm gonna you know I did different things at work but when I finally went in for surgery which by the way one of the best things I ever did never had sciatica one second since but all I can remember about that time period my life was she was right there yeah I mean I had a partner sympathizing with me understanding supporting me I heard later after the surgery I came home and I'm laying on the couch like I'm gonna do everything the doctor said I'm never gonna get up I'm never she's she and my son went in the other room just laughed I heard later they laugh look at daddy so mocking their laughing behind back I believe is biblical and okay it's all in good fun so many women would say like my husband is such a baby when he gets sick I am a baby aren't you I am she I'm telling you she broke her toe a couple weeks ago in the kitchen she just rammed her pinky toe and snapped it in like it was broken right away like I heard it I haven't noticed you look at all no she's she would be on crutches she's Jason born over here like she's she snapped her toe and all she does is go mmm well I broke my toe if it would have been me I would still be weeping the gnashing of teeth crying I would be there'd be a prayer chain meal truck bringing meals like I would I would have milked it she but she is just so tough and I think that most marriages are like this that women are tougher like you know men act like we're tougher yeah and and our wives let us believe that we are but we all know like I know deliver a baby I want an epidural for her childbirth like you ladies are just so much tougher we'll talk about this we don't have a lot of time left but you know let's do talk about a little bit about the sexual physical part of a marriage and because of time if you could say one thing what would be the first thing maybe it's different for both of you that you would say to a couple that say what how how how could you help me in my marriage in this area how should I think differently act differently talk to me about God's heart for the sexual aspect of our marriage I would say sex is important and it needs to be happening regularly it's gonna look different for every couple I mean we have so many couples right us and say like how many times a week how many times a month should a couple you know should we have sex and like wanting us to give them a number and I would say you know we can't do that it's different for every couple but one thing that is for sure is as you grow older that's gonna change a little bit because your body is changing you're sitting here with a couple that's older so yeah we can affirm that well yeah of course and I think though sometimes too we'll kind of reach some stumbling blocks where things aren't working the same as they did or maybe the libido's changed or something and we find where there's kind of couples come to a crossroads where you know maybe one spouse who feels frustrated by it is like you know what this is just it I guess we're just never gonna have sex again or not nearly the amount we used to and I would just say let's not make excuse first of all let's have compassion for each other but let's also not make excuses because yes things are gonna change as we get older but sometimes there's underlying issues like Dave's thyroid issue it really affected his testosterone just to be honest about our own situation but he didn't just sit back and say well this is just me guess there's nothing I can do he did research and he went and talked to his doctor and he got on some supplements and because he knew he wasn't feeling quite like himself and so I think you know just being willing to talk to the professionals who can maybe help you because a lot of times there are things especially even when it comes to energy level or you know our hormone levels being off there's things that we can do you know that God gave us these amazing people that become doctors and do all this research and can help us in this area and and also pray about it don't be afraid to pray about your sex life like God created sex it was completely his idea thank you for marriage as a blessing and an amazing way for a married couple to connect and so don't be afraid if you're having issues in this area pray about it God actually cares about your sex life I don't know who we were talking to I don't I don't know if it was on family life today or not or I just heard a podcast but the couple talked about praying before they made love yeah you know like you pray that God would show up in this church service right you pray that God would show up when we do something with our kids why wouldn't you pray and say God I'm asking you to bless us now as we make love likes like wow that's a concept right yeah it is it's it's a it is it's a beautiful and holy moment that God created I think that as a culture even within the church we've kind of bought into this myth that like the devil owns sex now hmm and we even were like we're embarrassed to talk about it we're you know we're embarrassed to enjoy it because we think no this is this feels wrong and maybe it's because of you know mindsets we were raised with and all that and we that's why we talk so much about it on the naked marriage podcast you guys talk about it a lot I thought we did but you're even than us it's all actually everyone's time together on this topic give us some application as we close like maybe a couple things that we could do in this area that would really be beneficial to the physical part of our health well starting just to be as practical as I can I know you're gonna say no more little Debbie's no no you know what I think little Debbie is an angel sent from the Lord can bring us comfort in our dark times all right and I'm gonna hold on to that and so in moderation moderation I think sometimes a couple or an individual within marriage will get in the mindset we're talking about physical health which is maybe an issue where it's already you already have some discomfort there or insecurity there and it's painful to even talk about or think about because you know you don't like your own body right now and I think a lot of times what holds a couple back from experiencing sexual intimacy and fulfillment is when one or both just has these insecurities they're like I don't like the way that I feel I don't like the way that I look especially as we age yes it's changing and I just I don't like it and and I'd rather just that just shut off that whole part of life and my marriage so I don't have to think about it or maybe if I got in really good shape then I could enjoy making love again and so someday off in the future we'll have a great sex life but certainly not right now not not while I weigh this or look like this but listen God wants you to have in marriage a beautiful in submit fulfilling sex life right now and you might think but I don't I don't like the way that I look I don't like the way that I feel and it's like but look you are fearfully and wonderfully made and you just enjoy one another right where you are and yes they'll continue to strive to have health goals and all that but right now don't put this part of your marriage on hold say let's prioritize you know our physical intimacy our sex life right now and what would that look like right now not after I lose X amount of pounds or not after we get on like a diet or something like that even though you might want to do those things just for your own overall well-being but right now what would it look like don't wait don't hit the snooze button on it and every I believe every couple you know it's gonna look different in every season every context every age every set of circumstances but every couple that is physically able can and should be able to connect and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with one another because that's something that God desires and so don't deny yourself or your spouse of that absolutely and as it just kind of having to do with physical health and health in general I would say you know do whatever you can to support each other in your quest towards physical health and this is something I had to learn the hard way but don't expect your spouse to do the exact same regimen that you do and I remember early in our relationship like I did after we had I think our first or second child I had a little extra weight on me and I did Weight Watchers and I was expecting Dave like to know all the point system and like it was you know how many points like I don't care but I I just really was like we've got to do this together any health thing I do you've got to do anything you do I have to do and you know obviously we want to enjoy all things in marriage together but it doesn't mean you do the exact same thing you know you can encourage each other in your health journey by really just making the time and space for your spouse to do that thing like if if they need to go to that class that spin class at the gym and you all have children just make sure like you're home at a certain time so you can be with the kids while they go to that class or if they want to go to that Weight Watchers meeting you know same thing I think just making the time and space and arrangements to help them do this don't sabotage them like if Dave's on a huge health kick and really trying to meet certain goals I'm not gonna go out and buy little Debbie's because I know I'm just gonna sabotage him and so I think just being able to encourage each other it is how we really can encourage each other to be at our best I mean every day not judging just encouraging so wise yeah I would I would add for our marriage it's been really fun especially as the kids have left and we're empty neptures to do physical things together I'm not talking about sex I'm talking about a walk I'm talking about a workout and puck and I love it I probably say it every week let's go hit a tennis ball cuz she's a great tennis player pickle ball pickle ball but I mean I didn't know I did not want to walk with her she's always walking here she's like are we gonna are we gonna get her heart rates up yeah I don't know but it'd be fun wouldn't it and then I go walk with her and she's the fastest Walker I can't even I'm joking to get beside her but we talk mm-hmm our marriage is enhanced and I just thought man the physical part which I always thought I have my physical regimen you have yours now let's blend sometimes and it's a beautiful thing God has made us as material beings and immaterial beings we are body and soul and in marriage when to become one we bring all of that with us that's why this issue of our bodies being healthy matters to our marital oneness and that's what Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking about today with Dave and Ashley Willis they've written a book called naked and healthy and it's about oneness in marriage in every aspect of our marriages we've got their book in our family life today Resource Center and you can go to our website family life today calm for more information or you can call to order a copy if you'd like our number is 1-800 FL today but I also want to encourage you to set aside a weekend this spring where you focus on your marriage on pursuing oneness in marriage that's at the center of all we talk about in our family life weekend to remember marriage getaways these two and a half day getaways are all about understanding God's design for marriage and bringing your marriage into alignment with that we host these getaways in cities all across the country and we are excited to have a full slate of events happening this spring you can go to our website family life today calm to find out when a getaway is coming to a city near where you live or a city you'd like to visit and then join us at an upcoming getaway in fact if you sign up this week you and your spouse can save 50% off the regular registration fee we're making this special offer to family life today listeners it's good this week only so go to our website family life today calm find out more about the getaway register online and save 50% off the regular registration fee or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY 1-800-358-6329 that's 1-800-F as in family L as in life and then the word today but decide now to do something this spring that will help you pursue a stronger healthier marriage relationship join us for a family life weekend to remember marriage getaway now tomorrow we're gonna hear about what may be the most significant part of our marriage relationship and that is the spiritual oneness how do we pursue spiritual intimacy with one another what does that look like in a marriage Dave and Ashley Willis will join us again we hope you can join us as well on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson I'm Bob Lapine we'll see you back next time for another edition of family life today family life today is a production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most