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September 29, 2020 2:00 am
Heather DeJesus Yates, author of the book "A Mother of Thousands," talks openly about the steps she and her husband took to start a family of their own. After years of struggling with infertility, they adopted a beautiful baby girl. Yates encourages believers to keep their hands open to what God may have for them, and to remember through the trials that He is sovereign and can bring you sweet gifts that you could never imagine.
Show Notes and Resources
The Bear Brothers are Heather's husband Jon and a friend named Jonathan who restore trucks. https://www.bearbrotherstn.com/
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When Heather DeJesus Yates and her husband learned that they would likely not be able to have children have their turn to Jesus looking for comfort and peace. What she got from him was a whole lot more. I did believe that God is giving you vision for something bigger than the story I was wanting him to sit in with me and I was wanting him to just give me a baby and he was wanting to give me more than that he was wanting to rescue me from a small story help me see this bigger family in this taker dream that he had for his kingdom and for me in I'll be willing to trust him. This is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson on Bob beam. You can find us email@example.com Heather DeJesus Yates takes us with her on a journey today get to see the front row seat. God had for her for something pretty incredible in her life. Stay with us and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us.
We have family life for many years been advocates of adoption. I remember Dennis Rainey many times would ask the question to people he been ballroom you'd say how many of you, the rumor adopted, raise your hand and people would raise her hand. The many type you are asking how many of you after the metaphor of adoption is a biblical metaphor. Each of us was a follower of Christ were adopted in the family of God. So it's a powerful metaphor were talking this week about the pain of infertility and the choice of adoption. That's not a foregone conclusion that experiencing infertility means that God is calling you to adopt those are two separate issues and we got Heather DeJesus Yates, who is joining us to talk about this. Welcome back. Thank you so much for having Heather is a that I think you alluded to this earlier when we were talking about this. Heather is an attorney and let's get her credentialing is a graduate of the University of Florida school of Law practiced as an attorney for a number of years was involved in adoption law and public policy was involved with the lines defending freedom for a period of time. Heather and her husband live in in the corner of the Virginia work Virginia and Tennessee meet in that area, Bristol, Tennessee, which, as we talked about earlier is the home of country music tank.
Did you know that the home he made everybody thinks Nashville is the home of country music but in Bristol Tennessee is where the Carter family first recorded and where Jimmy Rogers first recorded and that's where country music was born yeah now to fail, thank you for keeping our history alive exactly what the best thing about Heather is that she drives a sweet pickup yes I did have in 1953, 70 vintage ride and Alice XP 76 in parallel her with the naming well when we first decided to find a check for me and we went down to the rat Rod shadow in gallon because that's what you do when there are those who are listening to know what I'm talking about. And if you know you know you have hot rod that we went down to Gatlinburg to find whatever disheveled body would be the thing that we would restore and when we finally found my beautiful rack on the back of the flatbed in the crack of her apartment because that's how the stories go how all of these I have not lived until you haven't. This is a this is a makeover story of the highest quality and so we we found her and she was just rusty and wrath and I fell in love I need.
I think that's my track that's my track and as I walked around in header for sale sign in front the number to call and I thought she is shabby she is fallen apart. She is got all these dings and scratches and and yeah I know what she can become American CNMI. I know what she can become and I just felt even in that moment you not to spiritualize a trap that there was this moment, I felt like I think you see what he can become. And I'm so proud of you and I'm so excited for for what I'm in a deal with these parts of your story that you feel like don't fit and so I bought it for 500 bucks and we towed her often as she is being pulled off in front of me. I was we were driving in the back and I slapped I just wet picturing him. He pop me. He towed me into his kingdom. Then he's been rebuilding me and putting all these brand-new things into me along the way and he's clear coated me and so now my scars and gains they just both children.
My first book titled wild Pearl by the way, you, your husband does this right. He said it was really it was so sweet. This is a great marriage story. We had been through infertility adoption, fostering we had saved money for different things along the way for our family needs that my my husband's hand on the play very much and he's just always love tracks all tracks and he just puts it. There he typed you mind if I look at tracks at night. That's our thing. I'd watch American heat look at tracks on his found no baby go ahead and subtract time that anything track. So one season. It was a Christmas season and he had found his check in New Jersey. Is this rested awful a contract and he said he just came down this price would he think and me just like us that we been through a lot and we used our money for. I think I said baby, you know what, go for it before he was tickled that he is like a man with 10 fingers just no securing that truck for himself in a week went by and heat off at full price and everything in the sky just fell off the face of the earth, and he never got his trap and I could tell he was trying to be okay about it. I knew it bothered him and I am not praying about a truck and I felt like the Lord said love your man's heart and I said okay I'll pray about a truck and so I started to pray for him to find a truck that he could work on and rebuild.
And then that prayer grew and as I prayed for that. I think the Lord opened up something bigger and I started to pray not just for track, but for friendship for a brotherly friendship that this would grow into something where they wouldn't just rebuild tracks they would actually build relationships and they would be a part of restoring things that felt broken and without any future hope and so I started praying for that about a month later my husband called and we have some offices can all over that the region he was in one of our offices in another city. Please stop by there is this unmarked building and their door was open. I could see some trucks inside so I pulled over and I went inside to find out and hear what is all tracks to an inherent think maybe you get shot for that. You can't believe this is this is his personality and he goes in there and when he meets the sky and lo and behold on the side. The sky was just rebuilding all tracks and his name is James and said Jonathan and James, they became friends. They had so much in common, aid adoption, they had other things in common. They're both believers and so Jonathan partnered with James and I actually Jonathan designed a truck for himself first and so he did. Architecture in the design and think that everything in and made his trap with James first and then when it was art when my turn as I want one table. I designed it on myself and the on-site. You don't need to do this for me actually can do this myself.
Thank you. And so I designed wild Pearl and James Brock while Pearl Homan and when he brought while Pearl home. He got a call that he had brain cancer, and it wasn't gonna be long and so this journey was still really quick experience to be a part of this man's life and to come alongside them and let them in love his wife and his kids while in and be there with him through the end and so he got to see while Pearl finished that was kind of a thing to keep him going to just finish this truck with my husband and finish it for us and and then he passed away. And so when he passed away. The guys in the shop like Jonathan when you take it over.
We do it to you get it and 11, but it was a different city. It was just wasn't a time for us to to connect split off from our our main business and so he just kept praying and I kept praying and we actually came back from weekend to remember weekend and on our way home. I asked my husband I said if Jesus would answer one prayer for you right now. Would you ask him to question it is a good question. I probably got it from weekend.
The reason you should go a lot going on with businesses and family and so I thought it be something you know related to those things and he took a few minutes to answer it and he said no. He said like a friend and I could not even believe the words that came out of his mouth because he is so connected socially. He is with men all the time. Meeting with lunches and breakfasts and dinners and conversations and he's like, but there only their peers or that working with me or they're older than me or they're looking for counsel. He said there's no light guy that we can just count his life and grow together as husband's his father's Christian business owners think I just know my friend well that's all he needed to say because I got my big prayers. So I started praying big again for him and that desire for a friend in a couple weeks later, a lady from church after what mom's meeting.
She said can I ask you something really strange is a go for it and she said can I get Jonathan's number for my husband. She said she just likes his tracks and he likes him and I think I think they get along and he like to have lunch with him. Our men play day. She laughed, and so we did and they both named John and so they met for breakfast. This was on was three years ago and every Tuesday morning at 6 AM. These guys have been meeting praying together enjoying being together, they become like brothers and so they share a love for trucks and restoration and that has come full circle now for them. This conversation of no what we do with this passion and how do we bring it to a community so that men can come and be a part of something that they need that points them to hope and so they form their brothers and that's what we have now is one of our side businesses bear brothers and my co-wife partners. She prays to you, and it's a delight for her to see her husband doing something that she is a passion for fits their personalities fits their gifting. They're not men who want to sit in a conference room all day long and talk about their feelings. They want to get dirty be in a shop. Get outside build something, break something, tear something like bear brothers. The verse in John 16 is there once was a man named John sent from God. He was not the light that he came to bear witness to the light and both of these guys are named John and both of them feel like God sent them to each other to be friends to be more than friends that would bear burdens with one another and bear one another's sins confess it to one another and ultimately bear the light of Jesus to a dark world, you know, when we came in here today we didn't like where we were talking about. I was just going to say Trojan regeneration and no real friendships.
I was at the play was about what I will say this before we drink every single time I go interim I know I'm gonna talk about tracks, but IVI did think and we need to buy your book, but I thought your husband's answer to your question I think would be almost every day now I want a friend that many of us adult men don't have friends like we did as kids were on teams and were 3040 56 years old a lot of business partners. Not a true friend.
Not only did you and your friend pray. But at some point he had to say yes to a breakfast and that's where started side say the guys say yes well is a friend for you and you need him. But you gotta go for. You gotta go get it and when I'm thinking about is the power of a woman's prayer and the influence she has in her home and I think for me a lot of times I will try to manipulate situations or course. David know that was yet the power that we have in prayer and then when we take a friend and prayer. With this we are powerful women of influence as we go to God first and not try to manipulate things in our own way because I used to try to put a book beside the bed table for David to read or say maybe you should get a friend but then gets the one that we go to, so I have to believe somebody needed to hear that, but we came to talk about majority but God has had you on for many years. When you and your husband got married. You are in her early 30s, you decided to hold off a couple years and then start your family except the family did not start your dealing with infertility were sealed and specialists you were going back and forth between what we do in terms of fertility treatment and what about adoption trying to come to a conclusion on that. Let me just ask you about the whole infertility path you are on there are ethical choices that people have to make is there thinking about fertility treatment. How did you guys process those ethical issues and what was gonna be okay and what wouldn't be okay. You're absolutely right, and there is a big conversation being had about some of the more advanced technologies that are out there and I think it's an important conversation. Have I do think those things matter may be more than more comfortable with but for us just in our story in every story is different. I have 12 other women's stories in the book as well, where they can. I dialed in and some of them went further in the treatment and did IVF and did other things.
I have friends I know that went to Syria. CN even before you hit moral questions.
There's going to be questions.
Even if sensitivity or comfort.
So you have dynamics that may be the wife is more comfortable with the husband in a surrogacy can be an uncomfortable thing if you're dealing with a woman's biology as a part of your child coming into the world so there is this important place of complexity with both infertility journey and adoption that if you are not comfortable having these really delicate conversations with your husband then it might not be the place to go. You know you might not be ready to go down that path because you don't want to go down that path and then come back later and find out he was not comfortable with that, or I wasn't comfortable with that and we both had this uncomfortable dynamic that's permanent. So having those conversations, I would meet with pastor meet with Christian therapist counselor to come to work through some of those bioethical issues. If you're not familiar with it. There are some wonderful resources out there to kind of go through each of those paths and give since specific information about exactly when the egg is fertilized when this sin. In biblical terms is considered in life and so handling those things carefully, we didn't go that far down the journey to really wrestle with some of the bioethical concerns the concerns that we had been on my husband.
He weighs in on the book as well say he likes to tell people he wrote a book which he did.
We are one and he actually has his words in the book as well because it was a very different experience for him.
It was for me and that's most of the time the case in just about every area of our life right we can weigh in on it differently, and for him.
It was a challenge because a lot of the things are physically happening to my body and not to his body and is it okay to alter something in my physical body that is not natural to my physical body and outputting the medications and doing something that naturally has not happened. Those are things that you have to wrestle through with the way that you see the lens of freedom for some of the decisions that you have with the path you take, and I think that the personal conviction for each couple how far down the road they want to go but like you alluded to. There are some questions for the donor think you're so smart to say good wise counsel good godly counsel really wrestle with these issues will read the pros and the columns, read the people who say no and the people who say yes and take this before the Lord, that I would just say don't allow your desire to be biological parents to be so strong that it overrules something that your conscience may be saying I'm not comfortable here because I think there can be that moment where such a strong desire to want to conceived want to give birth to your biological son or daughter that you might say well maybe we'll let this slide and you could regret that decision later on. Just be tender in your conscience as you go through all of this. You came to a point with your husband where you guys had a clear sense that God was saying we need to pursue adoption and that's the path he put you on we did April 2013 we had taken a two week hiatus that two week break from not talking about that question and so at the end of that two weeks and we came back together and were able to affirm without a shadow of a doubt this is what we did. Now and so week. We came back with okay what do we know that we know were called to marriage. We know were called to parents, but we don't know for call to bear children, and so taking the things that we did. Now we knew that God was leading us down the path of adoption. We knew that he called us to marriage that we never wanted the kids to divide us, even before they were born, so we wanted to be unified in this journey with adoption.
We wanted to have these gut checks regularly along the way. Has anything changed for you has anything becomes too scary or overwhelming to me. Need to slow it down to communication was to such a huge deal and had we not been single for so long and really kind of you know, read all the marriage books to try and you know, be prepared to it for marriage. That was such a healthy foundation for us to just choose each other. Keep choosing each other keep the main thinking our marriage as we went along the journey because I do see adoption in infertility and fostering unravel that unity between husband and wife so often because a lot of times that desire for a child, usually a wife desires that child so greatly that she's wanting it may be more than he's comfortable, but neither of them feel like they can really put the fullness of their their desires of your marriage ever get to the brink were while this is really pushing it. You know, we never had. I want this and you want that kind of a fight. It wasn't that it was more of a I feel so much of something and I don't know how to communicate and he was.
I don't know what to do with that. You know, and he didn't know what to do with me and I didn't know what to do with me in my emotion and his lack of emotion felt like a disinterest and so I felt alone in my grief I felt alone in my desire, and so he would say he wanted it, but then he had gone to work and he when you bring it up, and I think how can you not bring it up so it wasn't ever that you know we just collided in our conflicting interests. It was just that we are experiencing grief differently and we are experiencing longing differently and we were having to learn a language together for this journey and we didn't have anybody around us. At that time who could help model language and help us figure out how to walk through that together produce a adoption is something that you need to go into withdraws really wide open and not be caught up in a romanticized ideal of adoption because there are some hard realities come with yes and you know what my sensitivity comes from an infertility journey. So I came into adoption with a background as a professional side practice adoption law.
I had placed babies with families.
I had also removed babies from families after we placed them because of biological mothers or fathers changing their mind and so I knew this is not an easy road. This is a very complex road with a lot of moving pieces in it that you don't get to control and so this is not going to be something that you want someone coming in with their soul is like a machine banana. You know they're so vulnerable. Everything sticks to them and so for me coming into adoption with infertility background.
I felt like I had done the work. I felt like we had had the conversations and I had laid the groundwork emotionally, spiritually, to be prepared for what adoption would bring, but I had no idea nothing can prepare you for what it feels like to come from an infertility journey and then be in a room with an ultrasound looking at what your child is doing inside of a belly that's not your belly, and said those spaces, they stick to you and you don't know how to prepare for that until you're in it and so to think about women or even just as couples coming in with infertility background to go into an adoption story you are dealing with another woman, you've got a woman who can give birth and is giving birth to this child and has the control and has the choices and has all the all the power over this child that may or may not be yours and so keeping your hands open to trusting God with your family and that would be that the big caution. Our story is a bit of a cautionary tale even though we would live it a thousand times over for a little girl we would give everything to just continue to have her as our daughter that if you go in white knuckling demanding outcomes and putting your hope in a child to fill your desires and to make your dreams come true. This will be a brutal journey but keeping your hands open and trusting that God sees you he is sovereign. He is in control. He can bring gifts out of nothing, he can resurrect the dead so he can bring you children. If this is what's best for you and that's how we even pray as a family. Father, we ask for this. We thank you that you know what's best for us.
We give it back to you.
And so if you can walk into adoption or fostering arrive, you're going, knowing that this child to come into your life and go out of your life and come in your life and get out of your life. If you're willing to keep that soft hand before God and let him like elastic in a stretch you and bend you back again. Then you have a front row seat to a really exciting adventure with God, but it really needs to be a conversation with your spouse and experience you have supporting community that I think I'm in your image of the clenched fist, open hand is not just for adoption. This for any situation thinking or someone right now. Right now holding on to their plan.
A job situation fail in their marriage, you name it I may we all do it. It's like I got have this God. This is gotta go this way and the only way to find any peace in life is you go you got (say okay I got a trust a God I know but I don't know what is going to do if you had to do it right and you're sitting here there's a sense of peace. We can feel coming from your soul. That wasn't easy, but it's real and it's real now, and to follow up and you asked earlier. Note where was God in all of this, he scripted the whole thing. This was his plan a and get his leftovers.
This wasn't a manufacturer defect, and I had to get Amelia to go back and start all over. Because so Heather can have kids now. We have to like figure out Plan B know he saw me before he created the heavens and the earth and he knew her family dynamic would be.
He knew everything that was gonna happen and not happen for us and so we trust. Ultimately, that if God wants our genetic DNA in order to build his kingdom. Wild horses couldn't keep it from happening.
I mean we can have every roadblock and every obstacle at natural to us, keep us from having children, but we have confidence that he can overcome all those obstacles if it's best for us and he knows the story he's writing it so much better than any story I could've written seven author so Phyllis about the bill you begin parents April 2013 was when we decided adoption was the journey we are going on and I jumped in the shower was just wailing in the shower was so excited he said why are you crying ended as a because I feel like I just found out were expecting in and that was just a sweet month rest April 2013 and we made the phone call to the agency and started down that the road and we had really expected it to take years we were doing a simultaneous journey we were to be doing an international to China, as well as domestic, but we had heard that the weightless for domestic was over two years. So we had really no expectations of this being quick at all and so we went through the paperwork we submitted everything in. We turned and then later that fall and the day after we turned in we set off for the Bahamas for a five year anniversary and we were there. It was a little bittersweet because I was expecting there five years to be celebrating a baby bump. It was can be. Our baby moon. Now we were and be able to get excited about coming back and having our first child in and so we were there at the beach and instead we were celebrating being done with our adoption process at least for the first half and turning and stuff enough to get activated into the system and so we came back from that and we got a call and I thought oh our home studies done and we can move on to the next phase for the international adoption process and they said younger home studies done and we would like to show your profile to birth mother this week. Are you open to it in my jaw just said what are you talking about I thought there is this big long to have your weightlessness and while this profile fits you all really well and and doesn't that other families and if you'd be open to it yes were open to it, and long story short, we can half later we were meeting woman carrying her daughter and son nine months from the month nine months month that we believe God told us we were expecting daughter, our daughter was born, so April 2013 she was conceived in our hearts, but she is also conceived in flesh and so just the grace of his ways are higher than our ways we could have never in a million years have planned a little girl is beautiful and is lovely who fits us so well. I couldn't birth anything any more beautiful than this little girl and so we got to see her couple days after she was born in and that was its own long story, but we got to bring her home and it's going to forever be one of our highest privileges to be able to be her parents as umps in the rear. Teary-eyed. Thank you. You know another one is gotta cry today. I thought of Psalm 3418 so you just sort expressed the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit and you just said he had this whole thing the whole time and you were brokenhearted.
So many of us of people right now listening are just so crushed in spirit and thinking goes far away any threats or his return. We don't notice plan is what we know is here and is gotta so trusting right now. Get on your knees surrender against your hands and say I'm a nurse and I will trust whatever you got for me whenever that is on mirrors and if what that is for you right now is issues related to infertility or challenges with adoption on either side of the process. Let me encourage we will send you a copy of Heather's book, a mother of thousands to help you get a bigger vision for the story God has for you were making this book available this week to any of you who can support the ministry of family life to a with the donation. Your donations are the lifeblood of this ministry, you make it possible for hundreds of thousands of people every day to connect with family life and to receive practical biblical help and hope for the marriage of their family every time you make a donation. So if you can go to family life to.com and donate online or call us at one 800 FL today to donate were happy to send you when you requested a copy of Heather to his associates booked a mother of thousands from barren to revolutionary and this may not be your story but you may know someone who is in the midst of a journey like this could copy of this book and give it as a gift to them again donate firstname.lastname@example.org or call one 800 FL today to donate and we look forward to hearing from you and we hope you can join us again tomorrow when working to hear more about what is required in terms of ongoing dependence upon God through every step of the journey comes to infertility and adoption to Jesus you will be with us again.
Hope you can be as well thinker engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts Dave and Anna Wilson on Bobby P see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to the use of production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas.
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