There was one guy, a guy named David Patton. He was in a locker next to me in New England. He was a veteran player, so I looked up to him. His family wasn't with him in New England. They were in South Carolina.
But he would always talk about his wife, talk about his kids. I get engaged my rookie year, and I remember like God placed me next to DP.
So, that I would have a veteran player that was actually speaking positivity into the decision that I was making, that I was very scared to make. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson. And I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today.
Okay, do you remember the first time we met? Ben and Kirsten Watson. At PAO, at the NFL Christian Conference. Do you remember? We remember the first time we met you guys.
I ain't gonna lie. I just remember this lady up on stage. Chopping leaves off of a plant. And I was like, was this stage? I mean, did she really just go to Home Depot and get this plant and get these shears?
What a great illustration. But this is like really, and I always remember it. I think that probably was the first time. I mean, Dave, you were important too, but I really just remember that poor plant. Hey, we all know Anne is the superstar.
I just, you know, I follow her around. And you know what I do, Ben? I go buy the plants at Home Depot. That's what I did. You did.
Everyone is important. You know what I remember is I knew you guys and I kind of had you on this pedestal and I was super excited to get to meet you because some people said that you were there. And then when I was going to do that plant illustration, I don't know if you remember this, Ben, but I used your name in it as a comparison. Like everybody wishes their husband was like Ben Watts. I do remember.
I do remember. That was not the first time. That wasn't the first time we met you. Yeah.
Well, that wasn't the first time that we met y'all or we saw you. Guys on stage, but I do specifically remember you using my name in one of the illustrations. Oh man, and I'm not gonna lie, like, the pride in me was like, man, my name got mentioned on stage. And I was like, are you kidding me? Me right now, seriously, this is awesome.
That's crazy because the first time Benjamin we saw that, and you, I mean, I think that was a huge turn in our marriage for me. And I always tell you this story the first time that we saw you do that, and I was like, I am a booer and I am chopping off leaves. And I remember thinking, I don't want to do that anymore.
So, every single time you do it, it brings me back to like, that was just such a great visualization. For someone who learns that way, it was just awesome because I was like, I got to find a different way to boo. No, you're not supposed to be. No, I'm kidding. I mean, I'm not supposed to be.
I actually have my branches grow. Since we met y'all, I guess we should even explain. I would just say this: if you're a listener and you don't know what they're talking about, we'll post it in the show notes. You can go click on that link and watch Ann do her visual how often. She was chopping.
My flaws, seeing weaknesses and calling them out, and how that sort of destroys a guy. Anyway. There's no one that can do it like Ann Wilson, and it's awesome. And everywhere we go around the country, we have to bring plants on stage and do that. But now we just show the video so you can watch that video and know what they're talking about.
But let me introduce. We've got Benjamin and Kirsten Watson, 16-year NFL player, veteran couple with seven. Did I say seven? Seven children. Kirsten has just released a book, which is awesome.
I love your title, Sis, Take a Breath, Encouragement for the Woman Who's Trying to Live and Love Well, but Secretly Just Wants to Take a Nap. What a perfect title. You guys, welcome to Family Life Today. We haven't had you on before, and it's great to have you with us. Thanks for having us.
We're excited. Like I said, we see you once a year. And so this feels really natural. It feels good. Let's jump into your story.
I think our listeners would love to hear how did you guys meet? How'd you fall in love? Give us a little background.
Well, I'll start off and get my version first because my version is usually correct. Or so we say it's correct. We actually met at the University of Georgia. We both went to school there. I transferred over after my freshman season at Duke University, and we actually met for the first time in FCA, Fellowship of Christian Athletes.
But I saw Kirsten for the first time at the beginning of the school year. Why are you laughing? Because I love him. He tells us that. There's like kind of a block party.
Everybody gets to know everybody, you know, kind of jump off the school year, make you excited about going to school, that sort of thing, and see all, you know, all the new people. As I recall. I saw her at the student center. In front of the student center, all these other students and You know, it was almost like: have you ever seen? You remember the movie E.T.?
Oh, yeah. Yes. And like the light shines down on E.T.? Like, I felt like there was a light shining on Kirsten amongst all these other people. She had on these red pants.
White crit shirt. She looked like this perfect combination of sexy and classy. And I was like, all right, Laura, maybe this is why you brought me to University of Georgia. Maybe. Didn't I?
You didn't talk to her? No, no, no. I'm still trying to reconcile exactly why I didn't or what happened there, but I ended up meeting her later on in FCA. In FCA. Yep.
I don't know that story. That's why it's funny.
So he could be totally telling. I'm thinking that's a truthful story. I like the light thing. The light thing. Yeah, that just came to me.
Do you remember you officially met? I do. And because it always, I'm like, you have to like say why I was wearing Georgia is black and red.
So I was in school colors. You don't just pop out in some red pants because that sounds super, I don't know. Super what? What's wrong with you? Unchristian?
I don't know. Don't be discriminating against the color red. You wear red pants because you go to Georgia. That's why it's white. Just his blood was red, and that's a good thing.
Okay, that's good.
So, yeah, we met at FCA, so that's good. And he got up, we were talking about having dating, a dating relationship that was godly. And Benjamin stood up and he said, Well, my dad said, In order for you to have a good relationship, you have to be on one side, the girl's on the other side, and God's in the middle. And you're going up the triangle sides. And the closer you get to God, the closer you will get to the person that you're dating or married.
And so I remember thinking, leaning over to my friend Michelle Tyree, I said, What is his name again? And that was my first time recognizing Benjamin. She recognized me for some spiritual thing I said. I recognize her because she looked good. She said to Michelle, he's wearing red pants.
It's made in heaven.
Well, but you both came from a Christian background and homes that were following Jesus. I was raised Catholic in the Catholic Church and went to a Christian school. And so I was saved in seventh grade.
So I was trying to reconcile that growing up, like the differences and what that meant. But the understanding of the gospel and who Jesus was was always something that was definitely taught and talked about throughout my upbringing. Yeah.
And my parents both were believers. way before I was born.
So I was definitely raised in a home that Taught us right from wrong. We were in church multiple times a week. My father was an assistant pastor. He's actually a full-time pastor now. And so we were both raised in church.
So we definitely had that background. I mean, it's kind of crazy that we met in FCA because growing up, our family vacations were FCA camps. I mean, I remember being a little kid. Like, kind of like the little FCA mascot and going to these camps across the country because my dad would be like the platform speaker for the week, and so that's kind of how we grew up in the summertime. Yeah, and it's even crazier because I didn't start to know about FCA until I was in high school and then was president, you know, my senior year in high school.
And then when I went to Georgia, I didn't play sports. And so at Georgia, FCA is strictly for the athletes. And so there was no way I was stepping into that room and not being an athlete. And then the summer after my freshman year, I was asked to come on as a preferred walk-on for the softball team. And I remember getting in the car after meeting the coach with my parents and saying, I can finally go back to FCA.
And so FCA was important to me after skipping that year at Georgia. But like, that was like the biggest thing to me, not knowing Benjamin, obviously, but it's like I get to reconnect in this club that meant so much to me through high school.
So it's kind of crazy that we met there. And that the only reason I would have met him is because the one year that I played softball at Georgia. That's amazing. That's crazy.
So, did you guys start dating right away? I mean, Benjamin, did you go, hey, I got to ask that red pants girl out? I mean, what happened?
Well, I would have, but she was dating some clown. Oh, stop. He was dating someone else, too. We were both dating people. Yeah, we were both dating people.
We were. My situation was long distance, and my parents. Didn't really feel that great about the situation. I guess I'll just leave it there. But Kristen Harvard was actually dating somebody like on campus that I would see and just shake my head and be like, oh, stop it.
What are you doing?
So we didn't date immediately. But then Through a series of events, we ended up breaking up. I did take her on a date, though, Dave. While she was still with the other guy? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Although, I would have, and I could have, because I wasn't scared of this child. Oh, what happened? Hey, Benjamin, you don't know this, but I got in a fight with Ann's boyfriend when we started dating. In her inner driveway, you did not. The guy ended up playing in the NFL, too, but you know, I took him.
I took him out. Yeah.
Well, I ended up taking her on a date. The first date, we went somewhere really nice. It had all the food options possible. It was called Snelling Dining Hall on campus at the University of Georgia. And I told her she could get whatever she wanted.
It was on my meal plan. It was on my meal plan. What do you mean? I made that up. It was on her meal plan.
Yeah, so that was our first date. And then we actually officially started dating probably our junior year. Our junior year. We were spending a lot of time together, but we weren't really officially dating. And so I think we got, it's like going into the second semester of our junior year.
We're like, wait, what are we doing? Are we going to just still be friends? Are we going to like make this official and date? And I think that was what was crazy because I remember the conversation. I remember where we were.
I remember us deciding that we were going to officially date. And then we called our parents. I was like, what is wrong with you? It is crazy. But yeah, we told them because it was like, it doesn't make sense to get into something serious going into our senior year of college.
So we could just stay friends and still hang out or decide that we were going to be in a relationship. And so I don't know from the beginning, I think it was just very intentional without looking back. I don't really think we were trying to be, but it just was at that moment. That was Christ. Was he the center or was it a different Type of dating relationship was or was, you know, did it did that come later?
I would say that it was that from the beginning because even as we before we were dating, and then definitely as we were dating, we were doing a lot of community service at this one particular church where we would take the boys and the girls once a week and just talk to them about life, talk to them about abstinence, talk to them about dating, talk to them about have fun with them, answer their questions.
So, from the very beginning, we were. Trying to live a life that would be acceptable in God's eyes. And I think that that made all the difference because a lot of people, a lot of younger people, without were looking up to our dating relationship. And we're also the oldest in our families.
So he had five other brothers and sisters that were looking up to him. I have a brother who is younger. And so we always felt that, I mean, we were going to church together, we were doing a lot of things. And for us, it was just really important that what we were doing on the outside is what was actually happening on the inside.
So. Yes. A lot of that was just according to how God would have it. And there was a lot of people around us that were helping to make sure we stayed in check, if that makes sense. And were you guys talking about the future and the possibility of getting married and the NFL?
What did that look like? I really think. At one point, very early on, I would say I felt like Kirsten was going to be my wife.
Now, that was a scary thing to think. And I think I actually uttered those words maybe once, and she probably looked at me like I was crazy. But I did have this. This feeling, I think partially because. You know, when you're in your 20s, early 20s, and you start thinking about the possibility of marriage, many people advise you: okay, if you're going to do this thing and think about marriage, how about just make a checklist about the things that you want and don't want?
You know, where is God leading you? And so that way you don't get distracted by the nonsense. And I felt like Kirsten. lined up literally with everything that I had been thinking about. When I transferred, moving over to Georgia, and just started, you know, getting to a stage where it's like, okay, am I just going to date, or am I looking for somebody who could quite possibly be a spouse?
And so when I met her and we started getting to know each other, I really felt like. Like that was going to be it.
Now, we didn't really talk about that that often. I think that for both of us. We had aspirations. You know, Kirsten ended up, we ended up graduating in 2003, sat beside each other in graduation. Kirsten ended up going to work in corporate America for a year.
And she had her goals of getting the corner office and being very business-oriented, business-minded. That's what she always wanted to do. I ended up getting drafted and going to New England.
So we were separate for a year plus. But I think our conversations were kind of like she said at some point, it was. After we graduated, it became: okay, are we gonna take the next step and get married? Or are we going to just break up because this long distance thing doesn't make any sense? And Like I got a lot of stuff I could be doing.
Yeah.
I'm waiting for you. But it's just, I think we realized our lives could go in a very different direction. I moved to LA and I was working out there and he was training for the Combine. And it was just, we were going very separate directions naturally. And so to keep that together, I mean, I don't know if anyone's been in a long-distance relationship, but that takes extra work.
And then we were arguing and we were long distance. I was like, this does not even make any sense. Like, what are we doing? Because I would gladly like to go and do my thing and you can do your thing. We talked about marriage, but we're like, we have to make a decision.
What are we going to do? And I think that's how the conversation doesn't sound romantic at all. But the romantic thing about it, I think, was that. I think we both knew the importance of marriage. We both understood the power of a relationship.
We understood. We understand it in a much better way now. But even at that point, I think we understood how God had created marriage and its purpose, and how there is so much kingdom advancement and kingdom power that comes from a couple that is aligned for his purposes. And I think we also understood that. You know, there's going to be so many attacks that come against a marriage.
There are going to be so many excuses. I'm not ready. She's not ready. I want to go do this. I want to do that.
Is there somebody else that's better? I mean, there's always going to be these things that Satan will throw at us. And I think that we both realized that. We realized that we had something. that could be very, very special.
But it was going to take us surrendering. To what God had for us to do. And God had really impressed upon me that this was my wife. Either I was infatuated with lust at the time and wasn't hearing him correctly, or he changed his mind. And I know he didn't change his mind.
And so it was following through with. What I have felt from the very beginning. And that's scary.
So, you guys, you end up getting married. Were you married before your rookie year or? After. Yeah.
So, I got drafted. I go to rookie minicamp. Know how crazy that is in New England. It was 50-something degrees. I'm graduating from the University of Georgia.
I had never been further north than Washington DC. Wow. And I end up in May. at Rookie Minicamp in Boston, well, Foxborough. And I can see my breath.
And I'm totally. I am flabbergasted. I do not understand what is happening.
So, after that offseason, Kirsten was actually living in LA at the time, and I flew out to LA. We got engaged.
So, we were engaged my entire rookie year. Then we got married after my rookie year in July. Of that year. Ed, you know, I've always wanted to ask somebody because, you know, being with the Detroit Lions for 33 seasons, We never got to a Super Bowl. I actually went to one at Ford Field, the Steelers and the Seahawks, but I've never been there.
I mean, you're rookie year. You go to the Super Bowl and win it. You know, tell me, was it everything you thought it'd be? Uh no, it wasn't. A couple things.
Well, I did think that that was just the norm. I thought that, well, I mean, you just go to the NFL and you're supposed to go to the Super Bowl every single year. I soon found out that that wasn't the case, especially later in my career. But that was a difficult year because I tore my ACL early in my rookie season. I missed most of that year.
I was rehabbing. There were 84 inches of snow in Boston. I've never seen more than maybe eight centimeters of snow. It's a difficult place to play and to be, especially for a rookie. Kirsten was on the other side of the country.
We get to the Super Bowl, and it's really great that we go to a Super Bowl, but I couldn't play and I had a horrible attitude. And I was a jerk. Kirsten's over here nodding her head. I was a jerk to everybody who was there to support me, even though she came, my family came.
So it was a very tough time. For me, even though it was great to be a part of a Super Bowl team. You know, it's interesting when you say that. Because you know this better than anybody.
So many people outside the NFL think. It's all great. You know, the money, the fame, it's just awesome. They don't understand. Yeah, you went to the Super Bowl and you were watching your AC.
I mean, it's often a very difficult. life to live that people don't understand that there's normal people living a normal life with real struggles and real pain and the money in the flesh does not take all that away, right? Yeah, and I think you realize, even looking back, you make a great point. You know, many people don't realize that. I think I could go for any occupation, but especially when it comes to something like the NFL.
That these are men and the women that are connected to them, their spouses, girlfriends, their families that are going through emotional roller coasters. And money, fame, all it does is exacerbate issues that are already there. But one thing I can say is that it also shows you who is truly in your corner. And as I look back at that rookie year, who was there? And it was Kirsten.
Who was my fiancé at the time, and it was my family. And so you realize that. Those are the people that you can lean on at any point. I think, too, Kristen, here you are, you're in LA living the dream life that you thought you would pursue your whole life. And then You leave all of that to To follow Ben to a whole different lifestyle.
And now you're known as so-and-so's wife because I worked with the Lions' Wives for 35 years. They are some of the most gifted, talented, incredible women who have dreams and educations and training. And often they leave all of that to follow their men. What was that like for you? It was really tough.
I didn't realize how prideful I was and how my identity had been tied up for so long and what I had accomplished or thought I would accomplish in the future. And so, you know, I tried to stay with the corporation in Boston so that way I could keep my job, but there was nothing there that transferred over that was equivalent. And so I had to quit. And so it was like that, my first job out of college. I just felt successful.
And then to have to leave that, there was a little seed of bitterness that tried to be nestled into what was going to be fertile ground for our marriage because we were moving away from our family, a place that we had never been, either one of us even visited. And, you know, so then it was just really challenging. And I think, like you said, I think a lot of women go through that when they feel as though they're going to go a particular way. And the Lord says, uh, like, no, you're going to follow him. And, and you kind of alluded to it.
It's like everyone around you is like, must be so awesome to be married to Benjamin. I'm like, Really, like it's the same as married to your husband. Does he do, you know? Like, let me tell you how awesome it is. Stop it.
Whatever.
So, it's just a life that everybody assumes how awesome it is. And it was just really tough to be away from everything you knew. I knew no one.
So, Benjamin had been there a year.
So, he had friends and people that he knew. And then I just come and now I know no one. And so, having to start over and then not working, it's like you've taken everything that was. My identity away, and now my dent, my new quote-unquote identity, which I know it's not now, but then it's like my new identity is Mrs. Watson.
Yeah, not even that, it was Ben's wife, it didn't even have the Mrs. It was just, and so I was like, Good Lord, you have just stripped everything, and so that it was a process that of um. Learning my true identity. And that took a while. And it's just amazing how when you do surrender finally, and that took, that was not overnight by any means, but it's just, you know, just learning that, you know, it can't be in Benjamin.
My identity can't be in my work. It's like what it has to be in something that is true, that is steadfast, that is a firm foundation, and that does not. Mean anything that I can see, touch, feel here on this earth. And so that was just that started the process of being stripped away and having to be rebuilt like all 20, we were 24, 24 years, you know, of what I had thought was important and realizing that it really wasn't as important as I thought it was. How did you guys discover your identity?
Because I'm sure it's the same thing for you, Benjamin. Both husband and wife have their identity often in what we're doing and, you know, success in that area.
So it wasn't just cursing. It's both of you. You have to find: is Christ really my foundation of my identity? Especially when football's over. Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you're living that now. And whether you're winning in New England or losing in Cleveland, you know, it's like. Is that my identity?
So, how did you two find that? And how did that impact your marriage? But I think that, you know, kind of going back to that whole marriage conversation we had. About Kind of the fears of getting married. And when we got married, a side note.
There was one guy, a guy named David Patton. You probably know him. He was a wide receiver. He passed away. A couple years ago and um He was in a locker next to me in New England.
And I didn't know him personally. He was a veteran player, much older than me.
So I looked up to him. His family wasn't with him in New England. They were in South Carolina. But he would always talk about his wife. He would talk about his wife, talk about his kids.
His wife would send him flowers. He would send his wife flowers. Like they had, at least outwardly, this positive relationship when it came to marriage. I get engaged my rookie year, and literally to a man, everybody was like, What are you doing? You just got to the NFL.
Are you serious? You get married, bro. Really? What? What?
And I remember, like, God placed me next to DP, Chief, what they call him.
So that I would have a veteran player that was actually Speaking positivity into the decision that I was making, that I was very scared to make. And so then, fast forward a few years later, you talk about identity. I believe it's Gary Thomas who writes the book Sacred Marriage, talking about marriage is made not necessarily to make you happy, but to make you holy. And I think that I would not have realized my identity in what I professed it to be, which is in Christ, if it had not been for my wife.
So if it had not been for. Kirsten realizing the perfectionism that was within me and how I struggled tremendously with the successes and failures of daily practice as well as weekly games, how I was kind of on a roller coaster, how I would act differently if things were going poorly. She was the one who actually said, you need to go get some help. And I had to go get some, you know, clinical help for The perfectionism and the borderline depression that I was dealing with. And it's amazing how God, you know, uses.
A spouse. And that's why God created marriage as a help meet, so that together we can become this reflection of Him. Those things wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have committed to. Following his plan and engaging in marriage specifically with Kirsten.
So that was part of my, you know, realizing my identity to answer your question was going through a process of. Releasing some of that performance-related value system that I had, even though I was a believer, even though I talked about God's grace. I still struggle with that, and I still struggle with that to this day. But I can identify it. And I think that, well, I know that the reason why was because of her pushing me and also having someone who sees my value and speaks life into my value outside of my performance.
We love Kirsten and Benjamin Watson. They've been talking about their book, Sis, Take a Breath, which Kirsten wrote. And with all those kids running around their house, they need to take a breath. And maybe you need to take a breath as well. You can order your copy of their book at familylifetoday.com.
We'll put a link in the show notes as well. And I think it's a great book, and everybody needs this book. And we just love them as friends. Yeah, and I tell you what, if you like our podcast, we would love you to leave us a review for Family Life Today. That helps us and it helps us share this with the people you love.
Thanks for listening. See you next time on Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.
