One night Gloria is having a meltdown, and Bruce goes in there to deal with the situation. And I hear it escalate. I'm just like, you need to calm down. I'm like, oh, that's going to work. And I don't know why that made me so.
You made him so mad. Why didn't you get mad? I was just. Because you're tired. I'm like, I got up.
I'm in here, at least trying. And that's the remark I get, not like, hey, thanks for your time. And then he says, I'm desperate. And that made me mad because I'm like, you're desperate. I have another baby that's going to be up in an hour needing to be fed.
Like, get him calm down. There you go. Hmm. Whew. I got Johnny going on.
Bless your heart. You must be so tired. We are, you know. We got the goths back with us, Bruce and Maria, and they're talking about sleepless in the goth house. Because they have four girls.
Ages, what are they again? Three months up to age nine.
So, do you guys sleep? Do they sleep? Has that always been hard? You sleep? He sleeps.
He's the only one sleeping. Does that make you resentful? Yes, me too. I was so resentful. Don't you hit him like Ann used to hit me and say, you got to get up.
I don't because I know one of us needs to survive the next day.
Okay, so you have expectations. Yeah, but the next day he leaves the house. Not always. Oh, no. But I can't take a nap at work, or I'm not supposed to.
Well, she can't. But I can't. This is something that has come to me this year. I was like Having a hard time asking him sometimes to help during the night or whatever. But then it occurred to me, I can't take a nap when I'm working the next day either.
No, never. Exactly. There was a time before we had four children where sometimes I could get a nap, but now we're at a place where I can't usually get a nap.
Okay, but Unless I'm mistaken, I feel like since we've had the newborn, I'm expected to get up with the three older ones. Yes. Right. I mean, that's at least the expectation. Yes.
All right. We need to give parents some help of just kind of. Like practical help, you know, on how to bring peace. To a gospel-centered home when you're getting no sleep at all. See, that's what we're here for.
Like, Can you please tell me? I sleep right here. We are here to ask you guys: help us. How do we do this?
Well, don't do what I did. I literally used to fake that I was asleep. I I can't believe that, babe. Have you done that? Have you done that?
You just said you really are a sleeping. I've done it, and it made me so mad. You know why? Because I still ended up getting up. I waited and I waited and I waited, and he wasn't getting up.
So finally, I was like, well, fine then. I guess I have to get up anyways. I think she did save this. I would whisper in his ear. No, you're a weight.
And I would be so mad. And I still wouldn't give it up. I'd be like. But I was totally awake, but I wasn't going to go eat. That is so, you know what that is?
That's sin. That was self-ness. That was sin. It's selfishness. That was sin.
Okay, and maybe I'm wrong here, but if it's the baby crying right now, that's when I let you. Because I can't. Exactly. I can't get up and feed her. She doesn't want to feed it.
But the other three, I feel like I get out of bed for the other three. You do.
Okay.
So, what are we talking about?
Okay, okay, okay. All right. First of all. We're talking about a lot of families are in this situation, even if you don't have a newborn. Kids are always going through sickness, teething.
They have nightmares. They have, they're sick.
So there's always times, yes, that kids wake up and you're not getting sleep. Give us the results of not getting sleep. Like, what happens when you're so tired?
So we have, we have a new, we had a newborn. Our baby is four months. And then we have a child with anxiety who ruminates. Like, she'll get stuck on something and she can't stop thinking about it. She needs to fall asleep.
Uh-oh, I need to fall asleep. And then she gets stressed out that she's not falling asleep. Or it can be anything else. Like she just ruminates. Yeah, ruminates.
And then we have another child with night terrors.
So it's like the perfect storm of sleep help, honestly. We finally figured it out with the sleep terrors.
So our six-year-old. We'll just wake up crying. And it doesn't help for me to stand by her bunk bed and just say, it's going to be all right. Nothing's wrong. Calm down.
I'm agree of our keys. That turns out does nothing.
So, what do you do?
So, for her, we have to actually get her down off of her bunk bed. I take her out to the living room or the den. They have to wake up. Yeah, we have to get them to wake up. And, like, usually, I would be very against this, but I'll get my phone out and do cat videos or something.
She loves those. I wouldn't normally do something like that because I think, oh, I'm just rewarding this behavior. But she has no control over it. She is night terror. She is just beyond.
So sit down. She's crying, crying. But then we'll put that. And five minutes into that, she's laughing. And then I'll just be like, all right, let's go back to bed.
She'll be like, yeah, let's just go. And you know they're not abusing it because, at least for her, she's pretty eager to get back to bed. She's not trying to stay up and watch more. She has no control over what she's doing. How old is she?
Six. Six. Yeah.
Now, were you the kind of parents that. You know, went by the put my baby down, especially when they're first learned to sleep and they start crying, I'm not going in. Or did you go in? We had to with our first. We had to with our first because we just she wouldn't go to sleep on her own.
She wouldn't respond to any of the sleep training things I tried. And at some point, we just had to let her cry. And I would have to go. That was really hard for you. Yeah, I would have to go in the shower.
He's like, just go in the shower, turn on the fan. Put on some music, whatever. And just stay in there. Where you can't hear her. Where you can't hear her.
I did the same thing with our first. Like, I went upstairs to sleep because we had some bedrooms upstairs because I couldn't do it. I couldn't let them cry. And Dave, you went in. Kind of soothe them.
You know, you go through every so many minutes, you go in and comfort them. And then it worked within like three nights. He's sleeping through the night. Yeah.
And then we had number two. You guys, it did not work. Yeah.
Every night got worse. I was gonna say the gradual approach did not work with her. We had to just I mean, one night I think she cried for an hour and a half. Yeah.
Now, if you're some parents listening right now, don't judge me, please. Probably what happens is. a technique works for a particular kid, so you think that's the technique.
Well, yeah, it is for that kid. Right. You know? Yeah.
I mean, obviously, I mean, we don't want to get all relativistic. Like, there are certain principles from the Bible that are true because they're humans. But as far as sleep, Techniques? Yeah, that Mm-hmm. Our youngest son had their first baby of Six years ago, Bryce is six now, and he wasn't sleeping, wasn't sleeping.
And I'm like, dude, you gotta just let him cry.
Well, you know, at some point, you're gonna just have to, you know, he goes, Well, I'll sit outside and I'm gonna let him cry. And I'm, I'm not gonna go in, I'm not gonna go in, not gonna go in, and then. That night, I think it was the first night, his wife Jenna sent us a picture. This is what she says. Of the baby monitor.
There's the baby monitor. He is in the crib with him. It's like he gave in. How long after was that? It was like 30 minutes.
I mean, I don't know how long. He doesn't remember. He did go in and comfort him. I know. It's just funny.
It's like, you know, he just said, and you know, me, I used that for Christmas. It was right around Christmas. I said, Jesus got in the crib with us. He didn't just stand outside, anyway. You know, but I mean, everybody's different, but at the end of the day, you're not sleeping.
And it affects your marriage. That's what I want to say. Everybody, how has it affected the no-sleeping? What happens as a result? Uh we get real snarky.
Yeah, sim nature like on steroids. Yeah.
So It's it's like when you're hangry, you know?
So, like, I'll give an example. One night Gloria is having a thing, but it wasn't a night terror. It was well, maybe it was. I don't know. But she's having a meltdown, and Bruce goes in there to deal with the situation.
And I hear it escalate, and I'm like, why is it escalating? And so I go over there, and he had basically just told them, like, They have to go back to sleep, and he's just leaving. Oh, yeah, this was before we figured out the night terrorist thing, and I was just like. At my wit's end. And I'm just like, you need to calm down.
Real calm voice. That's exactly what she said as she came around the corner. He's like, I'm leaving. I'm going back to my bed. You guys need to calm down.
And he's like, leaving the room. I'm like, oh, that's going to work. And I don't know why. That made me so. Why didn't you get mad?
I was just. Because you're tired. I'm like, I got up. I'm doing the best I can. I'm in here at least trying.
And that's the remark I get, not like, hey, thanks for your time. And then he says, I'm desperate. And that made me mad because I'm like, you're desperate. I have another baby that's going to be up in an hour needing to be fed. Like, get them calmed down.
It's like any time right now when I say, oh, I'm so tired. Not that tired, though. Like, I always forget. Like, I can't say it around her. That is true because I remember as a young mom when people had older kids, you know, in high school, I'm like, oh, I'm so tired.
And in my head, I thought, you have no idea what tired is. You know, and you feel like this phase of your life is so hard. But then they get in high school. And now you can't sleep because you're like, where are they? What are they doing?
Well, that's what we were talking about in Stella. My oldest was like, Mom, maybe you'll sleep. Maybe when Verity's like. Eight, you'll sleep, or something like that. And I was like, Except for when Verity's eight, you're gonna be 17 and out with some boy somewhere.
No, she won't be. Not gonna happen. That is exactly true, though. You do.
I don't think you ever slept. No. We had a curfew, but you know, if we're going to bed at 10 or 11 and curfews midnight, there's some golden. I'm sleeping. I'm not.
They're good. And she's like, they're not. They should be home. I'm like, it's still curfew. What about once they get married?
Then are you able to. Yep. Or then are you worried about: oh, are they parenting marriage? Should I say something? I feel like, maybe not.
I feel like when that's. When we're at that stage, I'll be able to sleep. I'm like, whatever. They'll come home when they come. Here's the thing.
You're going to be the more worried one when they're out. Maybe, maybe. The thing that's different is checking your girls. You can sleep in the next day. Your kids can get up on their own.
They can do their thing. They can, you know, so it's not like you have to get up. They can use the bathroom on their own. Exactly, you guys. There's folks around the corner.
They can wipe. How about the amount of toothpaste that's in the sink? Does that decrease toothpaste? It's just everywhere. It's unbelievable.
Oh, that's Bruce. You and I, we relate to this. That stuff would get me going. I just, guys, you have to put your head down close to the drain and spit. And I taught them that, man.
Their sinks were pretty good, but it's the toothpaste. Oh my goodness. It's everywhere. No, I've drawn a boundary. Like the hallway that leads to their rooms and their bathroom.
I'm just like in my mind It's just whatever, it's gonna be how it is. If I can keep the rest of the house clean, which I don't know how you feel about that, but no, that's how I've thought about it. Yeah, well, I mean, there's the craziness of we're talking about sleep. But we know your life 'cause we go to our son's house And our house is like This That's how quiet it is. Most of the time, unless the T V's on or something.
It's quiet. We go over there, it is like... A war zone. They're just three kids being kids. They're not doing anything bad or wrong.
They're just screaming. And then there's a dog, and it's just not. We get in a car, like, oh my gosh, my head is. That's your life, right? How do you deal with it?
That's during the day. Every day. Yeah.
Every day. And then at night. Yeah.
And it's like Russian roulette at night. It's like who's gonna have the problem tonight? Four-month-old, we know it's going to get up twice.
So, who else, you know, what's going to be the thing tonight? An itchy bum? Is it going to be, you know, I had a dream about snakes? Yeah.
It's going to be something. Talking about it is just making my blood pressure go up. But I think it's all perspective, too, because is it? It is.
Somehow you have to figure out. I think with couples, young couples, I think you have to have somebody that helps you, somebody that can get your career. Yeah, like we had a couple nannies and personal assistants. We had nobody. We didn't have parents near us.
No, I actually hinted at my mother-in-law, like. Would she come down? Sent her like flights. Yeah.
She got the hint. She got the hint, came for 10 days. Trying to get her to be a snowbird was my baby. She came down after the baby was born, but then I like. Asked her, would she come down again?
Because it was really bad. It was getting really bad. Like, I'd had like. three, four weeks in a row of like I don't know, less than six or less hours of sleep. Honestly, because if you don't have parents nearby, you have to have some friends, even that can watch the kids during the day.
That is one thing that has been a game changer for us: babysitting swaps with friends. Yes. Yeah.
And to take the time, I mean, this sounds crazy, but if you're not getting sleep, I've said this to our daughter-in-law: like, I know you have a million things to do, but because your kids have been sick for the last two weeks, somebody's been sick, and you have a baby. I'm going to take them, but I want you to sleep because the sleep, man, that affects every part of your life. It affects you physically, emotionally, and spiritually too, because you're so tired. Like, I can't read my Bible. I can't even pray.
I have nothing left.
So, to find those people and to take the time to actually sleep, I mean, and going to bed early. The worst part of that is that you feel like I only get a window of time. Yes. But if you're not sleeping and they're sick, it's like you have to go to bed early because they're going to be up. What time your kids get up?
Every night we six o'clock.
Well, that's another thing. Is we have one child, Gloria, again. Not naming names.
Sorry. Name rhymes. That keeps coming in every morning between 5:30 and 6 because they're scared, but it's every morning.
So I'm like, I know you're not scared. What's going on? And she's like, it's always something different. Like, well, I'm bored or I'm lonely. Or then it was like my stomach hurts.
I'm like, maybe you're just hungry.
So I put a bag of Cheerios in her room. But then the next night I forget the bag of Cheerios.
So then she comes in the room, where are my Cheerios? And I'm like, Would a red light work? We have the light. And I've told her a million times: you don't come out until the light turns green, but it doesn't matter. You guys, this just happened to our son.
We were just talking to him about that because he would run in our room. One of them would run in our room. Same thing about 5:30 in the morning every day. And so I was so tired. Like, I don't, I just, just be quiet.
Just like come in here between us. We had a queen size bed, but just be quiet, go to sleep. You know, I just was like, just 15 more minutes or even a half hour more feels like an eternity. And then he told me, he goes, I would have these nightmares about demonic things. Like, what?
He goes, yeah, I felt like it was the only safe place I could be. And like, now I'm thinking, oh, boy. Yeah.
Well, one thing, you're probably going to say that. I was going to say, well, that's one thing I feel like is important is to find out, figure out where your boundary is with your kids. And so for us, it's a boundary that we don't let our kids in our bed. Yeah.
So our compromise is. I mean, unless it's like a Saturday morning or something and it's like let them sleep. But like not in the middle of the night. Do you have like little, like, will you put something beside your bed?
So what we started doing was putting a sleeping bag on the floor. Right. And we're like, if you absolutely, this is not to be abused. Like, if you absolutely cannot keep from, you know, coming in because you are that upset, you can come slip in the sleeping bag, but do not wake us up unless it's an emergency. And it's worked some.
Some, but that's where. I felt like it was being abused because I was like, you're coming in every single morning. I don't think that this is necessary. And I think sometimes to try to get to the root of what's going on, ask those deeper questions. You're so tired at times, you're like, you don't care what it is, just go to sleep.
But to really, at some point, when everybody's feeling good, let's go back and talk about the morning. What's going on when you wake up?
Well, and that's something we need to remind ourselves often: is like their kids, they need to be parented. Like, the fact that they need us to parent them is not their fault.
So, we need to be patient and. Um And not to get too spiritual, but to be thankful that we get to be the ones that they come to at night, you know? And so I don't want to discount and say, oh, it's not that hard. whatever. Yes, it's hard and needs practical help like the sleeping bag on the floor.
But Man, what a privilege it is. I think about it's another opportunity. To die to ourselves, and to show the love of Christ in that way. We cracked open a parenting book in preparation for this because I was like, I haven't read one of these in so long. We have The Faithful Parent by what is it?
I pulled it out the other morning because I was in a rage at a child for waking me up, and I was like, I need to read something. It's called The Faithful Parent. I forget who it's by. It's like Scott and something. But anyway, in there it says.
To view the interruptions. Martha Peace. Martha Peace and God.
Somebody Scott. We've had in my family life today. to view interruptions from your kids as Providential interruptions. And so the example they give is like the mom's on the phone with a friend, but then a toddler just like acts out and needs discipline and to be dealt with. And instead of being exasperated and what that is a providential interruption from God.
Receive it like that, you know. And even in the middle of the night, God can make your kids sleep through the night easily.
So, the question I have sometimes is: God, what are you saying to me? What's going on? Yeah.
And to even exhibit the fruit of the spirit, think about the first few: love, joy, peace, patience. That's so hard when you're tired. But that's what, yeah, it's not about me.
So, yeah, I'm mad that I'm having to get up and like, I got mad because you said that comment and all this. It's not about me. And we're living like that.
So as hard as it is, and we want to be. respectful and understanding of that. It is also an opportunity to die to bring it to Christ and die to yourself. I'm telling you, parenting makes you die to yourself every day. The way they act.
Their tantrums, their sleep. It's not about you. I love that. It's about. Don't you feel like in parenting, you're learning more than you're actually giving your kids?
It's about God shaping you. And so that's the question. God. You wanna obviously use this to shape me. Am I yielding to it or am I fighting it?
But the sleep deprivation, man, you have got to figure out how to get some sleep. Yeah, you know.
Well, okay, so what do you say to that, though?
So it's let's say we finally get the girls down, it's eight o'clock, everyone's in their beds for now and. We should probably go to sleep. Right? We want to watch our show together, right? And we got some scrolling to do.
And I mean, just don't do that.
Okay, honest moment. Like, what would you say? Honest moment. Balance it out. I would say.
Little of both. I would do a few nights of both. If your kids are sick or somebody's constantly waking up, alternate, yeah, like tonight, we're gonna go to bed early and see how you feel in the morning, see if it makes a difference. Oh, it does make a difference. It does.
You know it does. Oh, I know it does. And I know it does.
Well, this was an honest moment. It really makes me mad when I turn over to go to sleep and he's still scrolling. Because I'm like, he's gonna stay up till midnight scrolling on his phone And then he's going to be cranky tomorrow because he didn't go to bed. I can't argue. First of all, those basketball highlights aren't going to watch themselves.
So someone's got to watch them. They won't be there tomorrow. No. Those will be old news by tomorrow. I got to watch them now.
Or the debate or whatever that I'm, I don't know. Yeah, it's not like you're scrolling bad things. You're just like wanting to catch up on the world of what's happening. Right. And I think that's what we all feel with little kids.
Like, I have had no time to myself or to be in the world to know what's going on. You want to think a thought, I want to think. Yes. You know? And I get it.
I mean, I. You're right. There's actually a term for this. Revenge, bedtime, procrastination. Another thing is.
Reverse on who? Oh, it's bedtime procrastination. It's like you're just pushing back. Like, I never get any time. Oh, yeah.
It's 11 o'clock or even 10 o'clock. I should go to bed. But guess what? I don't ever get to just watch the show or watch these highlights. And so it's like this revenge against you know, and it's the last, it's the worst thing to do.
Oh, and my stomach will drop if it's like it's 11:30. I finally put my phone down. And then Daddy? Oh no! And whose fault is that?
The child or the parent? Yeah.
And then I act all sinful and all that. It's like the righteous thing, the way to live would have been two hours earlier. Yeah.
You know? I know, and think, like, what did they do before there was T V even? Yeah.
And radio, you know? I think that's big. Like, even if you took turns of, like, okay, tonight we're early, and both of you, and you're not scrolling even. That would take some self-discipline to do that. I know, even if you don't.
It's a fruit of the spirit, self-control. Yes. Even if it's two nights a week where you don't do that, at least it'd give you up. Yeah.
Are we better? Are you committing to that right now? I don't know. Are we? We're committing to considering.
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. You're not doing it.
Something.
Okay, maybe. Yes. Maybe. I know you commit a lot on air. Yeah, I follow through.
I have a one-night. I fall through on everything. I commit to one night when you're going to bed early. One night. One thing we've been doing lately in the past like three, four weeks that has really helped is as soon as I get home.
Well, and it's probably 'cause the weather's nice. Yeah.
We go out on the patio. And the two of us just sit down. Have something cold to drink and sit down and talk.
Well, they're usually running around and they are. I'm usually kind of talking, like, you know. I could definitely talk to them kinder, but it's like, this is me and mommy time. You need to go play. I feel like our kids are doing that too.
Like, for the most part, one of them brings his wife a cup of really good coffee. He has a really good coffee maker. He brings that to her every morning. And they just talk for a second. Another son, their thing is, hey, we're gonna take this time.
Kids are gonna do their thing. We're gonna, their thing is working out together. And he comes up with that. Yeah.
No, but yours is called, yours is sitting together. Yeah, but that's how what energizes them to go as a couple, what's gonna fuel us and energize us. That's when you guys figured that out.
So, what we should do is do that. And then there are nights where I'm on the couch, you're in the bedroom. And and this is probably my fault, but and I'm scrolling in the Living room, you're scrolling in the bedroom. We're not even together. No, you know what I mean?
Those are the nights where we should just go to bed at eight or nine. I don't know. Okay, we're going to keep you accountable for one night. One night. One night.
One night a week. One night. When the girls go to bed, we go to bed. Go to bed early. I mean, that's what my parents did.
How does all this affect your marriage? Yeah, I mean, like my example, like, it makes me very short. It makes us both very short with each other. There's a little bit of that, but there's also a little bit of suffering together. Yes, I will say unites us.
It has brought us together as a team in the sense that, like, okay, if we're going to survive, we got to be on the same side. We got to figure this out. You think it'd make us pray more? Because we've talked earlier, you know, we're up all night. Have you prayed for your kids to sleep?
Have we? I mean, I think individually. As a family, like at dinner time when we're praying, we'll pray that everyone will sleep well. No, we used to. We have a book somewhere, and I just was asking where it is.
Melissa Krueger wrote a book called Five Things to Pray for Your Children. Yeah.
We got to find that. And we got to pray for them because, you know, it's easy to come on here and complain about them. You know, and there is a place for Yeah. I don't know what you call it. I guess it's complaining, but just being honest.
Yeah, confessing. Uh, but boy, it's like Yeah. How about you save some of that breath for prayer? Yeah.
Instead of you guys, I've thought about that and been convicted myself and like, man, when you get in a good series that you're watching T V. And sometimes I'll think, what if I would have taken that time? I know. To read, like I do read the Bible every day, but to really dig in or to spend time praying, how different would we be? How bad is this?
Because you know about Wordle. There's times I do Wordle. It doesn't go fast. It should should be a One minute, two minute deal.
Sometimes it's four, five, six minutes and I'm just I gotta get it out of here. I'm like, I could have been praying. I'm in bed with my head on the pillow. And he's like, What is this I eat and I don't eat it? I do, I yelled.
I'm doing these mini crosswords now. I'm like, what's a uh vegetable that I'm like, I just wasted. And this one, it times you, these mini ones. Oh, I hate that. Yeah, you know exactly how long I've gone.
I'm like, I went eight minutes on a short time. It takes you eight minutes, Dave.
Well, no, just kidding. That's something that happens is a lot of times we'll have separate time. Unwinding. Yeah.
And then you'll be ready to hang out when I'm ready to go to sleep. Or vice versa.
Well, what about do you guys date? You get a babysitter and go out there. Yeah, like I was say I said earlier date night swaps have been such a game changer for us because babysitters. Babysitters are so expensive. You're doing it like every twice a month.
Twice a month. Twice a month. Way to go. It's I thought we were contractually once a month. Once or twice a month.
Yeah, once a month is like the bare minimum, but uh sometimes we'll get in twice a month. And she's better at keeping us on that. But it has been so fun. Ever since we got the swap, 'cause I I don't know. I'm cheap.
The money is. The money thing for the babysitter. That was always like the sticking point for me. Is like, it wrecked your body. Yeah, we will.
But, like, or it just wouldn't happen because I'm like, oh, it's going to be so much.
So now that we have the swap. Which is all her 'cause I mean she goes and babysits for them and then the mom comes and babysits for us.
So I don't even have to Do anything for it. And one of the things Dave did do when kids were younger is once a month he'd take them out. What you said, like to do that? Yeah, well, he'd be gone like four hours. Oh, he had to do one more than I did.
I hear you. But having that time in your home, you said it earlier, being at home with everybody. Two days in a row. It kept them overnight. It's like four hours, but it was half a day.
It felt like four days. It felt so good and you're refreshed. And I think parents need to be able to do that. Take the time. And the other thing I say to young parents is be in the word.
It reminds you who God is and who you are in Him. And even if you're just listening to the Word. I would say just do that, put it on. Like, you can listen to anything. Like, you can go on you version and just listen to the scripture that day.
And it'll be amazing how just one thing might stick out or might change you or might. give you wisdom of what you're going through. I think that's really big too.
Well, Jim, our Executive producer was talking about the one and others in scripture. Yeah.
And how sleep deprivation makes those even harder. And it makes everything harder. Yeah, let's read some of those.
Well, one of them that stands out to me, and I think it's something that we should memorize, like as a couple, is it's in Ephesians. I don't know it word for word, but it's the um Be tender-hearted towards one another, forgiving one another in Christ as you've been forgiven. The tender-hearted part, man, how far would it go? If I was tender-hearted with you, vice versa. Like, forget even me doing more, which obviously, yeah, get that on the table too.
But just being tender-hearted alone would be a game changer. We should put these in the show notes, Joan. These are really good. Like, be at peace with each other, wash one another's feet. How about offer hospitality without grumbling?
I was with you till that grumbling part. I am the biggest grumbler ever. Living. I'm walking down the hall. I can't never go to sleep.
I can't believe it. Hey guys, let's go.
Well, okay, here's the question. Don't you grumble, grumble, grumble? It's impossible to grumble about anything. Without your ultimate grumble being against God. Like, if you were to go deeper into what you're actually saying, yeah, you're upset with life.
You might not be saying I'm mad at God, or like I'm grumbling against God, God's unfair. But If you're yeah, God is sovereign. God is Providentially, you know, orchestrating your life, you know, that stuff that's coming into your life. And so, if you're grumbling, I was talking to Marie, like every complaint I have. Ultimately.
if you trace it deep enough, is against God. I mean, when you look at the Psalms, I agree. I think. And you're looking at lament, a third of the Psalms are lament, which is kind of a difference between complaints. Yeah, complaint and grumbling seems different.
How would you define both? That's a good question. Complaint is like, this is my grievance. Airing my grievance. Yeah, that's good.
And I'm just being honest. Yeah.
Whereas grumbling is God, you're wrong for doing this. And my spouse is wrong for doing this. Or my kids or the boss. Yeah.
That's different. Yeah.
You're right. And your spouse, we teach this at the weekend. Remember, your spouse is a good, well, it's not your enemy. Yeah.
And is a good gift from God.
So I pray sometimes, like, Lord, help me to receive her as the good gift that she is.
So instead of that. Because yeah, I complain about her or grumble about her. I'm grumbling about the one who gave her to me. The woman you gave me. You want to talk to Apple Breath over there.
So put that into practical terms, in terms of like your kids just woke up, you're walking down the hall. Instead of grumbling, what could you do? And we've done this before. Instead of saying, yeah, that's going to work to you, which if I like, I deal it out, but I can't take it. You know, like, as if I wouldn't say that to you.
And in my defense, I was actually just trying to make it funny so that we can't be. But it wasn't funny in the moment. It was not a good idea. It was timing. Instead of saying that, I could say, hey, thanks for getting up with him.
I'll take it from here. Yeah.
Yeah.
Or yeah, or praying. I'm not praying when I'm mad at the kids, you know, but if t walking down the hall after You know, hear like, hey, uh, Celeste Pete on the carpet. And I'm walking down the hall to deal with that. It is possible, and it might be completely out of just sheer obedience, but to say, God. Help me with this?
Thank you that I get to be their dad. And help me to show them your love. And your grace. Yeah.
I mean, because, okay, I'm going to totally. Overspiritualize this. But I mean, if you want to go to the worst example of offense ever done in the history of mankind, it is the Son of God being crucified. I mean, that is as offensive and as wrong as you can get. And what does Christ say in that moment?
Mm. Father, forgive them. I mean, it's Almost blasphemous to even put that on the same scale. You know what I mean? And to say, I can't.
deal with this and with grace. Yeah, that's good. And it is crazy too. Just to think that When you have that heart of gratitude. We get to have these four kids.
What a gift from God. We get to like share this home with them and be the ones that are comforting them and discipling them and pouring into them. What a gift. You know, if you look at it in a different way, but if we are constantly in the negative, like tonight's going to be awful because nobody's going to sleep. And that's probably just like you're anxious going into bedtime because you know you're going to be awake.
And so to change your mindset to have the mind of Christ. Yeah.
And that's impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit.
Well, and that's what I was thinking with these one-another's. You could look at that list and go, okay, I got to do better. I gotta try so much harder. But no, it's abide in me. Abide.
Yes. You don't want to try harder. You want to abide in Christ.
So where can you? Find your joy in him, his your delight in him, and and and instead of putting more burden on you, put his burden on you, which is light and easy. Which again is is really difficult in the stage of life you guys are in. You've got to choose when you have a moment or five or 10 minutes to say, I'm going to, I'm going to abide. I'm going to connect with Jesus right now.
Yeah.
Rather than Drink an iced tea or, you know, whatever, or scroll through my phone. I'm like, I need to connect to the father. And I only have eight minutes because we all know she's going to start yelling here in a minute, you know? You guys, and I'm also like, what a just make. Praying about sleeping, a consistent prayer.
And if God's not answering that prayer, Like, Lord, we pray our girls to sleep well tonight. Help them to sleep through the night. If they're not, and there's all kinds of reasons why they're not. Lord, evidently? You're having us up for a reason.
You're teaching us, you're shaping us, you're whatever. You want to speak to us tonight? I've even read so much about nursing moms, how nursing moms aren't looking in the face of their babies anymore because they're scrolling on their phones and it's changing these infants. You know, they're not getting. the personal eye to eye contact and it's not developing their brains in the same rate that was happening before.
And I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm so glad I didn't have a phone because it's so easy just to like. Ninety percent of the time when I'm nursing, I'm watching a show or screaming or Yeah. And they're talking about all the studies they're doing on brains of the infants that aren't making eye-to-eye contact. It's so convicting, isn't it?
Well, I wonder, would it help you if, like, when you're nursing, I don't know, send me a text and I won't be on my phone either. Like, we'll do this together. I don't know. Yeah.
Geez, I'm hearing a lot of promises being made here. I was asking the question. I wasn't making any commitments. I would check up on that. But I did remember, like, I would pray most of the time when I'm up at night.
Well, I was gonna say, at night, at least at night, I don't. I don't do that. I do my phone at night because it stimulates me too much, and then I can't get back to sleep because I'm not a good sleeper. That's another thing: I have a hard time sleeping, anyways. No kids, no nothing.
It's still, we're still, she's still not a great sleeve. Really?
So, like, one night, Bruce said, I'll take the baby duty. You give me a bottle, and I'll do the night, and you get the night off. One night. How was that? And it was it was great because I got like four hours together, which I hadn't had in so long.
But then I woke up at four in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep. And then I was mad when I, when she came in in the morning because here I am. And I was like, how'd you sleep? Terrible. And I was like, I was mad at her.
I'm like, we didn't plan enough.
So I didn't know when he gave her the bottle.
So I didn't know, can I nurse her now? Or did she just have the bottle? Because we only had the bottle. We needed two feedings. We only had one bottle.
So you did have to still pick up. And I'm like, so do I pump right now or do I? These are the things going on in a woman's brain. And so I couldn't get back to sleep because I didn't know if she was going to be up in 10 minutes to nurse. But what is it?
I mean. Not to make it about me, but like, if I was actually doing it to serve you, when I heard that you didn't sleep well, I would have been like, oh, I'm so bummed for you. Yeah.
But I was actually, I was mad at her. I'm like, I did all this and you wasted it. How terrible is that? Instead of even like, you got a solid four? Yes.
Yeah.
And it's such a phase that goes away. Yeah.
You know? Yeah, but I remember one time We were recording something, and I think I was at home, and it was craziness. And I said to you guys, I'm like, Yeah, but we'll miss it someday, right? And Dave, you were like, No, no, the no-sleeping thing, you do not miss the no-sleeping thing. You do not miss the no- Hey, thanks for watching.
And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit that like button. Yeah, and we'd like you to subscribe.
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