Navigating Giving with an Unbelieving Spouse with Ron Blue

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Go to faithfi.com and click app to get started. Well, I always look forward to having Ron Blue on the program. He's the co-founder of Kingdom Advisors, the author of many books on biblical finance, including Master Your Money, the classic. Ron, welcome back. Good to be with you, Rob.

Looking forward to it. Ron, as you know, we get this question from time to time. I know you've answered it many times over the years, and it has to do with a spouse who wants to give to the church, but it's causing tension in the marriage. And we've tackled this question in the first issue of our brand new quarterly publication, Faithful Steward, and you can learn more about becoming a FaithFi partner, so you get every copy each quarter delivered to your mailbox at faithfi.com. But let's start with the principle here, because I know you always teach around principles and financial decision making. What's the principle at the heart of this particular issue?

Well, there's a couple of things. One, I believe that the marriage is more important than the money. And secondly, God's Word encourages us in Ephesians 5-21 to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, so that reminds me to honor my spouse. And that is not just my decision, but a joint decision. And Matthew 19-6 says, So those are some biblical principles to begin with.

Yes. I want to unpack this and apply it for our listeners, but I want to do that around your story, because you actually experienced this when Judy came to Christ before you. Explain that. Well, when Judy came to Christ, she wanted to tithe, and I was so far away from the Lord that that was the last thing I wanted to do with my money. So she elected to not say anything about it for two years, but she lived out a life that was totally different, if you will, and that was compelling to me. So I kind of developed the philosophy that if the non-believing spouse is dramatically opposed to the tithe or the giving at all, remember that first principle. The marriage is more important than the money. God doesn't need the money, but he really does want a good marriage. Yeah, she lived out 1 Peter 3, 1 and 2, You saw her live out a life that was very attractive, and the Lord used that to ultimately cause you to surrender your own life to Christ, right?

Yeah, absolutely. I was fortunate in that I had some good mentors, even before I was a Christian. One of the things that Judy and I did regularly, twice a year we would take a weekend away and set goals, and that would include giving goals. After I was a believer, that was a joyful time to just talk about where we're giving and why we're giving. My own philosophy on giving, Rob, is that tithe is really a beginning point on giving, and a lot of the giving that we do should be after the tithe, and Judy and I are in total agreement on that and have found a terrific joy in giving.

And you and I know that the only way you can break the power of money is to give. So giving and giving with unity with your spouse is something to be pursued, I think, diligently. That's well said, Ron. The big idea here is God ultimately wants our hearts, and your spouse's salvation is primary.

Again, He doesn't need our money, so perhaps listen openly to your spouse's concerns, explain why giving is meaningful to you, and see if you can find a giving framework that honors both of your personal convictions as the primary objective. Ron, thanks for your time today. Good to be with you, Rob. Thank you. If you'd like to read more on this topic, you can find Ron's article about this in the new quarterly publication, Faithful Steward. To receive that in your mailbox every quarter, become a FaithFi partner at faithfi.com slash give. That's faithfi.com slash give. We're grateful for support from Movement Mortgage, who provides residential home loans in all 50 states guided by a mission to love and value people and a goal to redefine the mortgage process. Movement seeks to help others achieve their financial goals.

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Principal loss is possible. Foresight Fund Services LLC. Great to have you with us today on Faith and Finance. We're taking your calls and questions today. Whatever you're thinking about in your financial life, you can call right now. We'd love to tackle it with you.

And if you have a testimony of how God's been at work in your finances, you can share that with us as well. That number to call today, 800-525-7000. Again, that's 800-525-7000. You can call right now. Let's go to Texas. Hi, Cynthia.

How can I help? Hi. My husband has been struggling with his business. He's an independent distributor. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say who he's distributing for.

Yeah, I don't think it's necessary. That's fine. Okay. It's a big bread company.

Okay. And he distributes to hospitals via regular food markets, big chains. He's been cheated from his money, his commissions, and he was forced to resign a couple of weeks ago. And now he's getting some law, an attorney to try and help him collect what he's owed.

And they're slandering his name across the other chains and it's not true what they're accusing him of. And now we're left with $300 to our name. Last year, we got a small business loan. And we're working also with a financial debt relief program. And right now, we're just waiting for him to get called from his background check and all that. And we're just caught in the middle of something that shouldn't be happening right now. Well, Cynthia, I'm so sorry. I know this weighs on you in a really heavy way, just emotionally and even can impact you spiritually and in your marriage. And so you and your husband need to stay close together on this, make this a matter of prayer. I'd spend some time just praying through this together, knowing that there's a lot of stress that comes with everything you're describing. And yet the good news is God is your provider, not the US government, not your employer, not anyone else. God is your provider and we need to trust him.

It doesn't mean it's not going to be difficult. We go through these seasons and you need to lean into your local church. That's part of the role of the body of Christ is to rally around you all. You need to lean into your creditors and let them know what's happening here. We need to take opportunities to access every available benefit to you. So things like SNAP benefits, which is where you could go through a phone interview and the SNAP application process to get some help there. Emergency assistance, local food banks and again, your church and community organizations. Look for temporary work. We need to be out there pounding the pavement looking for any opportunity to bring in some additional income. And while he's waiting for job applications to process, maybe he could get some temporary or gig work to bring in some immediate income. Disability benefits, there's utility assistance programs out there. I'm glad to hear you're seeking legal advice.

That's great. I'd be happy to offer one of our certified Christian financial counselors to help you review your budget and look for opportunities to cut non-essential spending if that would be helpful to you. So I think all of these things are the steps you need to take recognizing, hopefully, Lord willing, this is temporary. We've got to keep your basic needs met first.

Again, don't hesitate to reach out to those local services for additional support. And then trust that God sees your struggles and cares for you deeply. You know, I'm reminded of the sparrows in Matthew 6 26. You are valuable to him so much more than the birds of the air and he will provide. So I think you need to lean into him through prayer.

You need to seek his wisdom, remember his faithfulness and just be constantly reminded that you are not alone and that he is with you and your husband every step of the way. Okay? Yes. All right. Would you like one of our team members to come alongside you and help look at your budget?

Would that be helpful to you? Well, I mean, we are, we have gotten food from the pantries and our church helped us with the water bill. And then we're still waiting for, you know, assistance. But they've told us they're still looking into our application. So, okay.

Yeah, I think that's the key is let's find some temporary or gig work to bring in some immediate income. Listen, you guys can get through this. We're going to ask the faith and finance community to be praying for you. All the best, Cynthia. Call us back and let us know a bit more down the road. Let's go to Tennessee. Hi, Mary.

How can I help? Yes, I had received a letter in the mail that was saying that my student loans were put on some kind of permanent disability that I had applied for. But I never applied for that. So I'm not sure what to do or how I address that if it's a scam letter or if it's legit.

Yeah. So tell me more about that. It said you use the words permanent disability. That's not something you would typically hear related to a student loan. So is it more of like a deferment or what else can you share from the letter you received?

It was saying that it would like they would have to evaluate it for like the next three years, but that it was like some definition. And it says something affiliated with a teacher, too, but I'm not a teacher. So that wouldn't apply to me either. So it's kind of weird.

OK. Yeah. And so, you know, typically, I mean, that kind of term would have to do with, you know, whether there was, you know, you're unable to have substantial gainful activity because of a medical condition where, you know, your your benefit might be discharged. I mean, that would be often what's there.

But it doesn't sound like your situation. So I would say it's either an error or it's something that, you know, is is fraudulent or some sort of spam of some kind. You know, it's not saying that it was put in what's called a TPD, a total and permanent disability discharge. Was that did you see that language in there? Yeah, it was that.

And it was also saying about a teacher, which I'm not a teacher, so it's kind of weird. But my provider had been Navient and this is Nelnet in case they switched to Nelnet. I'm not even sure what Nelnet is.

I've never heard of it before. Yeah. What I would do is contact the the TPD servicer. So that's Nelnet. And there's a phone number that I could give you. It's probably on the letter as well. And you'll you'll want to call them and just, you know, report the error because, you know, this if you're not disabled or you didn't apply for this, you know, there's been an error and you'll want to reach out to them to talk about it. Do you want me to provide you with that number or was it already on there for Nelnet?

That'd be great. Yeah, it's it's 888-303-7818. I'll say that again. It's 888-303-7818 and that's Nelnet and that's a legitimate servicer that handles these TPD discharges. And you're just going to want to call them and say, listen, I'm not disabled. I didn't apply for this.

Can you tell me more? I think I think there's been an error here and they can walk you through where you go from here. Yeah, I had a lot of times when they when they merge these files all together and transfer providers, things like that can happen.

Yeah, it's possible. It also there could be some, you know, fraudulent activity going on here. And that's why you're going to want to I think at the same time, I'd pull a copy of your credit report just to make sure, you know, this error hasn't impacted your credit score, document your communication.

You know, you're going to want to request that they reinstate your loans to the previous status so you don't lose any benefits or repayment progress that you've made and then just monitor your accounts. But calling them and getting this back on track is probably the best next step. I've frozen all those so those shouldn't be impacted, should they? They shouldn't, no. I mean, you're going to want to make sure there's not any negative information being reported to them. A freeze really is more about protecting you against somebody opening an account fraudulently in your name. That should stop them in their tracks. But I just want you to be sure, and this is just a good best practice anyway, that there's not inaccurate information being reported to your report.

Just go to AnnualCreditReport.com and you can pull all three Bureau reports. Hope that helps, Mary. Thanks for your call today. I'm sure you'll get this straightened out, but I would get known that on the phone. God bless you.

A quick break and then back with much more. We've got three lines open. 800-525-7000. Listen, stay with us. We'll be right back. Hey, thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance for taking your calls and questions today. Hey, are you looking for an advisor that shares your values as a believer? Well, that's what the Certified Kingdom Advisor designation is for. It's the only financial services industry designation accepted across the industry. All the big firms have approved CKA for use, and it's also the only designation around biblically wise financial advice. 1,500 CKAs across the U.S. and Canada have met high standards in character and competence. They've signed a statement of faith, a code of ethics, a regulatory review, pastor and client references. They've met an experience requirement, and they've gone through a university-based training program on giving biblical financial advice. You can find a CKA in your area when you search at faithfi.com.

That's faithfi.com. Just click Find a Professional at the top of the page. All right, back to the phones we go. By the way, we have two lines open. We'd love to hear from you today. 800-525-7000. You can call right now. Cleveland, Ohio.

Jackie, go ahead. I'm calling to learn how to start a credit for my 20-year-old granddaughter. She needs to get a credit card, and she needs to know how to start, and she would like to buy a card in the fall. She works full time.

Yeah, very good. You know, the lack of credit is probably going to be the biggest barrier here because it does take time to build credit. But I think it's good that you're starting now because her beginning to move toward establishing that credit is something that she should do sooner rather than later. If you go to bankrate.com, that's bankrate.com, or nerdwallet.com, both of those will let you know or rank the credit cards that are the best for those who are just starting out with a lack of credit.

What you will find is, and I just did this the other day, that Capital One has probably the highest rated for those that have very little credit. And getting her started with a credit card, so long as you feel like she has the discipline to only use it for budgeted items and pay it off in full and not get herself into debt, that's going to be a really effective tool for helping her establish herself as an on-time payer and a faithful and a wise money manager. The key there would be to start putting, perhaps, charges that she would have normally put on a debit card, go ahead and put it on the credit card, maybe just some recurring charges or planned expenses, again, so long as she can pay it off in full every month. But that's going to start to establish her credit.

The other thing that she could do, or you could do, would be to add her as an authorized user to your account if you wanted to. But what you have to keep in mind here, Jackie, is that all of that credit history with her as an authorized user, even if she doesn't have access to the account, doesn't know the card number, doesn't have access to one of the cards, is going to flow over to her credit report, good and bad. So if you had a missed payment, that's going to hit her credit file. If you run up your balance to 30% or more of the limit, that's going to put her with high credit utilization. That's not going to help her. So you just need to be aware of that, that if you add her as an authorized user, even though she's going to inherit that history, you need to make sure it's the kind of history that she wants, most notably low balances, on-time payments.

So those would be the first two things that I would do. I would say if she has a good job and good reportable income, she's not going to have a problem qualifying for a loan when she goes to buy that car. She may not get the best rates and terms, but that's okay. She's just starting out. The key would just be to encourage her to be really wise in terms of how much she spends and make sure she doesn't buy more car than she can afford because the three big budget busters are houses, cars and eating out.

She's probably not ready to buy that house, but we don't want her to fall in the trap of buying a car she really can't afford, getting stuck in a high payment and paying the price for that every month. Is that helpful? Yes, that was very helpful. Now you told me to go to bankrate.com? Yes, bankrate.com, among other products, rates credit cards every month. And they will tell you, depending on what you're looking for, whether it's rewards or in this case, people just starting out with little credit, they will tell you which cards are best suited for each situation.

And they'll prioritize those cards that have no fees and good customer service and the best rewards. So either bankrate.com or NerdWallet would be a great independent website for you to go to to find the card that's going to be the best for her. Okay, as a starter, and she also has a 401k, but with the 401k with the jobs she has, we need to find out if they do the match savings, or should she go on and just invest in it, even though this is her first? Yeah, what I would say is if she doesn't have any debt, and she's got in her emergency fund in place, then the 401k, especially if there's matching is the next place to go. So I would have her call her HR department or plan administrator, she should have gotten some paperwork when she started to ask if there's any matching, she may already know. And if there is matching, then as soon as she's out of debt, if she has any, and as soon as she has that emergency fund, then absolutely, let's not miss that matching because that's free money.

If there is no matching, or she doesn't qualify for it yet, then starting with a Roth IRA, I think would be better. Thanks for your call. To Cape Coral, Florida. Hi, Rose, how can we help?

I have a question. I'm 55 years old. I'm planning to retire in about 10 years. I recently did a roof claim with my insurance.

And the claim was denied. My question is, should I use the money that I have in a money market to replace the roof in my house? Or should I ask for an equity loan from my bank? Yeah, it's a good question. Rose, is it possible that you could, you know, repair the roof and delay it? Or do you really feel like you've gotten to the point where you need that new roof? It really needs to be replaced because of this last hurricane.

Okay. And you're sure that there's no way to get them to cover it? You know, do you need, for instance, to appeal that denial decision? Well, I guess I could appeal it, but I really don't know how because they already sent one person to look at the damage. And then when I talked to them, I said, No, this is recent damage.

This happened with Milton. So they sent an engineer to check at the structure of the building. And then they call me and said, No, this is due to the age of the roof. I see.

Yeah, very good. Well, you know, the next step would be for you to get a roofing contractor or independent inspector to assess the damage and ask for a report, including the type of damage, the likely cause. Which, you know, if you're right, would be the storm and the weather information from that time. And then write a formal appeal letter to the correct department. Be clear and professional. Explain your case and all the back, the backup information.

I think that would be the next step before you decide to pay for it yourself. Call us back, though, after you get that decision. We'll talk about where you go from here. Big thanks to my team today. Peter, Dan, Amy, Jim, Taylor and everybody here at Faith Buy. We'll see you next time. Faith and Finance is provided by Faith Buy and listeners like you.