I Said This, You Heard That with Kathleen Edelman

What's most important to you when it comes to choosing your financial advisor? Someone who's aligned with your biblical values. How about someone who will take the time to explain your options? Certified Kingdom Advisors are professionals who meet high standards in competence and integrity and have been trained to offer biblical financial advice. To find a Certified Kingdom Advisor in your area, visit faithfi.com and click Find a CKA. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4 29. I am Rob West. Have you ever wanted to take back words, maybe even right after saying them?

We often use the phrase, that came out wrong. Kathleen Edelman joins us today to talk about getting communication right the first time. And then it's on to your calls at 800-525-7000, that's 800-525-7000.

This is faith and finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions. Well we wanted to get Kathleen Edelman on the program for some time now. She's the author of a truly landmark book titled, I Said This, You Heard That, How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication. Kathleen, it's great to have you here today. Thank you, Rob. Thanks so much for having me.

I'm excited to be here today. Well, I am too, because we've talked so much on this program about our hard wiring from the Lord and how that affects every facet of our lives. But certainly that includes our money management. And I want to start with effective communication. I mean, that's a skill that we have to be aware of and learn to practice in various contexts, right?

Oh my gosh, absolutely. There's so many just large communication skills and small communication skills that we are never taught. And what ends up happening is most miscommunication isn't intentional. What happens is each temperament speaks its own language, and we have skills that we have to learn to apply, like listening to understand instead of listening to reply, showing curiosity and interest. My favorite, the power of the pause is extremely difficult for two particular temperaments to do the pause, but everybody needs that processing time.

Everybody needs it. Well, we're going to get into temperaments in a moment, because that may not be a word you're terribly familiar with. We tend to think personalities will talk about what temperaments are and also how they relate to your money management. But I want you to share a bit about your book.

I said this, you heard that. It really is more than a book. Julie and I, my wife and I went through it, and it was a game changer for us. Tell us a little bit about the format. The format is just as if you were spending six weeks with me in my office. It's going to give you foundation on the temperaments, the history, how you're wired, how people around you are wired, and even activities that I've done for over 30 years. So it's going to help you go through a six-week study. There's videos that go with it that are free, because I would really like everybody to get a chance to go through it. And by the end of that six weeks, there's going to be a lot of aha moments going on.

Yeah, there certainly was for us. Let's get into this idea of temperaments. Most people would tell you that human interaction in general, and communication in particular, are affected by personalities. You focus on these temperaments.

Why is that, and what's the difference? Well, Hippocrates studied temperaments 600 years before Jesus walked the earth. And temperament is how people naturally respond to different situations. So temperament is hardwired. It's like your eye color, your fingerprint.

Now they say you have a tongue print. It is unchangeable. Personality, on the other hand, is constantly evolving. It's birth order, religion, life experience. So temperament is not personality.

Temperament is the core motivation of how God designed you to be. Yeah. It's something that's still being used widely today in modern psychological studies, right? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Daily. There's so many assessments out there. A lot of them, personality. But if you get the core of temperament, it's going to change every single resource that you do when it comes to personality assessments or communication or leadership. It really is foundational. So when we talk about things like strengths finders or love languages, all of these can be illuminated by an understanding of our temperament. Absolutely.

Just think about it. The love languages. I hear this all the time. I happen to be a completely different temperament, of course, than my husband of 37 years. But what if both of our love languages are words of affirmation? Yes. Right out of the gate, you know, my words have to be different than his words.

Yes, exactly right. Well, what are those temperaments? What are you?

And how did the temperaments actually affect your money management? We're going to continue to unpack this today. We're delighted to be joined by Kathleen Edelman.

She's the author of I Said This. You Heard That. How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication. And there's a lot more to come, folks.

This is so key, not only for you, but if you're married, how do you communicate with one another? How do you serve one another out of your God-given temperament and how does that affect your money management? All that and more just around the corner. Stick around. If you enjoy this radio program, you're going to love all of the many different resources waiting for you at faithfi.com and the Faithfi app. You'll find powerful wisdom, free podcasts, articles, videos, and more from leading voices such as Randy Alcorn, Howard Dayton, Ron Blue, and our own Rob West. Throw in wisdom and knowledge by connecting with a community of thousands of Christians striving to be good and faithful stewards at faithfi.com or by downloading the Faithfi app. Faith in Finance is grateful for support from Soundmind Investing.

If you have money in an investment account, you know sometimes the stock market can seem like a roller coaster, but it's possible to enjoy both profit and peace of mind as a do-it-yourself investor no matter what's happening in the market. A short video webinar about that is available at soundmindinvesting.org. Financial wisdom for living well. Soundmindinvesting.org. Great to have you with us today on Faith in Finance.

I'm Rob West. With me today, communication temperament expert Kathleen Edelman. She's the author of the landmark book, I Said This, You Heard That. How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication. And Kathleen, before the break, we were talking about how important temperaments are to understanding how we communicate, how we relate and communicate with others. And all of this has a lot to do with how we see and interact with money.

Talk about that. Oh, well, we have to understand that temperament, each temperament has their own basic motivation. And that motivation comes from each temperament's innate needs.

And the innate needs are what separates me from all the other assessments out there. And so as we're communicating, we have to first understand that who do you communicate with the most, right? Most people are going to say their spouse or their financial planner, maybe.

But it's actually yourself. So you have to understand that so that your marriage is strong or the parent-child relationship is strong, the boss employee is strong. Effective communication is going to help in business negotiations.

It's going to help clearly when you have a client. And so the four temperaments that we're talking about are sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. Now when you read the I Said This, You Heard That book, I've matched them with colors. So sanguine's yellow, choleric's red, phlegmatic's green and melancholic is blue. So each speaks their own language. The yellow speaks the language of people and fun. So you can imagine if you're talking about finances, this person is going to be a great saver if they know something fun is down the path.

Yes. They need a vision. They need a vision. Like if I save X amount of dollars, I'm going to Europe with all my friends.

That's going to be so much fun. The choleric, this is a visionary. So this person sets goals. So you just give them a number. You say, you know, a million dollars, they'll hit a million dollars, you know, and then they want the next goal and the next goal.

The melancholic, this would be me, we speak the language of perfection and order. So this is a person whose innate needs though, and that's Rob why I said the innate needs are critical to understand, is safety. That's my first innate need. So I'm going to always have my finances set up in a way where I feel safe. Like I have a safety net. I know what's going to happen if I retire. I know what's going to happen if I become ill or my children, anything. I'm going to have a plan, right? Well and it strikes me that if I'm marrying a melancholic, let's say my wife is the melancholic, I need to know that because we're going to handle money completely differently.

She wants to know there's enough there that we're safe in the future. Exactly. And that's why what I love about what I have done for three decades is once you know it, you realize you apply it to every single part of your life. But let's not leave out those phlegmatic greens. This is somebody, I happen to be married to a forest green and they have this kind of wiring of it'll always work out.

It will always work out. So they're probably going to be the most difficult to get on a budget or to, you know, have them see far into the future. But what we know about greens is they only do things they're interested in. So if you lock that up with, hey, I'm interested in retiring at 50 or I'm interested in taking my children skiing three times a year, you know, where it's different than the yellow what's motivated by fun and people that green is harmony and also people, but they want to have some kind of interest in it.

If they're not interested, not a penny is going to be saved. Interesting. Yeah.

Wow. And this is why it's so key for you to understand your temperament. But then alongside that, Kathleen, there's other characteristics that you pull out in the book to help folks understand how they're wired.

Here are a few of those with us. Every single temperament has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. So I think God's very intentional with this because people will say, well, why don't we just have strengths? Why do we even have weaknesses?

Like what good is that? Well, our God's a God of perfect timing and order. And we know light because we know dark.

We know loud because we know quiet. We know good because we know evil and you're going to know your strengths because you're going to learn to manage your weaknesses. You have to know your weaknesses in order to live out of the strengths God's given you. And when we do that, when we apply, like one of the activities, Rob, in the book is I have a tendency to, but I'm going to choose. So I have a tendency to be moody, but what does the circumstance require of me? Does it require logic, compassion? I have a whole list of strengths and when I'm in my strengths, that's where my calling and purpose is. That's where I can truly honor God. When I'm in my weaknesses, that's flesh and ego.

That's me calling the shots, you know? So we have the strengths and weaknesses. Then we have the innate needs. Like I said, each temperament has their own set of innate needs. They are like food and water.

They're non-negotiable. You've been filling them since you were born, right? Those are actually your two first cheat sheets when you're learning the languages of the other temperaments, because you speak out of your temperament. I speak out of mine. That's where I said earlier, most miscommunication isn't intentional. It's just, we don't understand each other, right?

So we have to learn to do what I call paradigm shifting. I have to take off my blue lens. And what is your dominant temperament? I'm green. And put on green in order to speak so that you can hear me. And then I walk away and you're like, oh, there's something about that Kathleen.

I really like her, right? And that's what you talk about so much in the book that I love. And that is putting this into practice so that our communication helps to build people up instead of tearing them down, which we do so often without perhaps even knowing it.

Exactly. I love, that is my family Bible verse. That's what my whole company is built on is Ephesians 4 29.

And I love Eve. It's a perfect communication outline. If you break it down into four, do not let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth.

Only what builds others up according to their needs and benefit all who listen. So Paul's putting down a challenge right in the very first sentence telling us that do not let, that's our choice. The words you use, you know, are the words you choose and unwholesome doesn't mean curse words.

It means anything that is unhealthy or unhelpful. So right there, if we just change that, I encourage people to insert their name. So I say, Kathleen, no unwholesome words come out of your mouth. Only what builds Brad up according to his needs and benefit Bryce and Avery. And you can insert your boss, you can insert your coach, you can insert anything. And then it keeps you on track that you're responsible to build them up, not tear them down.

And what's the win in that? What have you seen come out of living life that way? I think you, first of all, you cannot give what you don't have. So if you're not giving those kind words to yourself, you're not giving them out. And what you put out, you will get back.

God says that, right? That is so powerful. Well, Kathleen, we've of course just scratched the surface in this. So we're going to have to have you back and dig deeper into this. But I'm so grateful for your time and your work in this.

It has so much to do with our money management and our relationships and being God honoring and building others up, which I know is your ultimate goal. Thanks for stopping by. Thank you so much for having me. All right. That's Kathleen Edelman. Folks, I can't encourage you enough to pick up a copy of I Said This, You Heard That, How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication.

You can buy it wherever you buy books. All right. A quick break and back with your questions after this. The number 800-525-7000.

Those lines are open 24-7, 800-525-7000. This is Faith and Finance. I'm Rob West and we'll be right back. Are you looking for a financial professional who aligns with your biblical values? That kingdom advisors are trusted financial, legal, or accounting professionals who have completed a rigorous certification program to ensure they provide biblically wise financial advice as part of their practice.

You can find a local CKA professional in your area by going to faithbuy.com and clicking Find a CKA. If the heavy burden of debt is robbing you of freedom and peace of mind, Christian credit counselors can help. We're a nationwide nonprofit credit counseling organization that has helped over 300,000 individuals in the last 27 years get out of credit card debt 80% faster while honoring that debt in full. To learn how Christian credit counselors can help you, visit christiancreditcounselors.org. That's christiancreditcounselors.org or call 800-557-1985. Hey, great to have you with us today on Faith and Finance for taking your calls and questions today.

Let's go to Ohio and welcome Gary to the broadcast. Go ahead, sir. I've kind of made a mess of my life with credit card debt, auto loans, furniture loans. I want to un-mess my life and live debt-free as fast and the best I can.

I don't want to be making auto payments all my life. Yeah, I get it, man. And I'm grateful for your transparency. I can tell in your voice you're tired of living this way. You want to make a change. You want to be that steward of God's money that's managing in a God-honoring way, but also has taken a lot of this stress and I'm sure the weight of these decisions that you've made and having to just manage all this day to day, that's exhausting.

And so I get it. So I guess the first question is we can talk about how we proceed in terms of you getting this paid off, but none of that matters until we solve the problem that got you there in the first place. If you keep all the bills paid, meaning you keep the minimums paid, we keep gas in the car and food on the table and a roof over your head and the utilities on, I mean, are you able to cut back in such a way that we don't take on any new debt from this point forward? Yes. Yes, I can do that.

I don't want to take on any more debt. Yes, I can do that. All right. Have you demonstrated to yourself?

Go ahead. I have done certain things like cutting back on cable TV, which I don't really need in those kind of areas, but I'm still finding myself not being able to save for anything. See, that's why I ended up having to have an auto loan.

I didn't have an abundance saved just to be able to buy a vehicle outright. Yeah. No, I get it. Have you been able to demonstrate to yourself that with these cuts that you've made in your budget that you can stay above water and get to the end of the month and not increase your debt levels? Yes. Yes, I don't.

But I don't mean I work two jobs, but still, I don't want to just make minimum payments because I know that interest will just devour me if I do that. Yeah, that's right. Well, here's where I would go next. I'd connect with our friends at ChristianCreditCounselors.org.

So they've worked with thousands of our listeners, Gary. And the first thing they're going to do is help you put a budget together. And you may already have a version of one, you're going to need to do another one. But this is a really important exercise, because we need that honest and accurate reflection of what's coming in and going out. And I realize it's not going to be ideal, it's not going to be what you want it to be. And that's okay, we'll get there. But we need to start with reality, you know, what are your expenses?

Are there further places you need to cut? And then we want more money going to principal reduction for these debts that you have. And that's where Christian Credit Counselors comes in, because they'll help you get those interest rates lowered, at least for the credit card portion of this, not necessarily for the car loan, but they'll get the interest rates down. You know, right now, the average interest rate is 22% or higher. And they're going to be down between zero and probably eight, 12 at the most, which just simply means for the same monthly payment, probably 3% of the balance, you're going to have a lot more going to principal instead of interest.

And that's the name of the game. And because they'll have a level monthly payment for you, with much lower interest rates, you'll get that debt paid off 80% faster, which is the goal, then the key will be, every time we pay one of those off, you know, we want to ultimately, you know, never go back there again. And once they're all paid off, we take 100% of that money that you were sending to credit cards. And now we're starting to build up your emergency fund, you're starting to save for the future, maybe you apply it to the car to get that paid off quicker. And now we've got more and more surplus. And surplus is the key to funding the goals that truly align with your values, you know, getting out of the the debt mountain, kind of the the cycle of debt and interest, beginning to save beginning to give beginning to put money away for the long term, all of that's key, but it starts with a balanced budget. And then it starts the second step is to get those interest rates reduced. Does that make sense, though? Yes.

Okay. So I think your next step is to reach out to Christian credit counselors.org. Tell them we sent you they'll walk you through the process, help you set up the budget, tell you exactly what those new interest rates will be on those credit cards and hopefully get you pointed in the right direction. And Gary, here's my request. When you get all this squared away, call me back.

We want to hear from you when that happens. We can celebrate with with you, my friend. Thanks for your call today.

Let's go to Chicago. Hi, Kirk. How are you? Good to see you here. So Rob, I love your program.

Been a follower since Larry Beckett and has been a blessing to us. That's great. Thank you. My question is, is there a maximum that you can give in an RMD in a calendar year? Now when you said use the word give, so tell me more about that. When you say give, do you mean a maximum withdrawal or give it away?

To give it away, like to charity or to industry. Okay. Yeah.

So what you're talking about is a qualified charitable distribution. Are you 70 and a half? Yes. Okay. So the annual limit for a QCD for 2024 is, I believe, $105,000.

Yes. So it's $5,000 more than the 2023 limit. So you are, as long as you're 70 and a half, you could do up to $105,000 for this year, this calendar year, directly from your IRA to a qualified charity. And then at that point, you would not have a charitable contribution, but that amount that you were given away would not be added to your taxable income and you would satisfy your required minimum. But you cannot use it as a charitable contribution as well. It's not a deduction.

No. So that would be double dipping. The benefit here is you're getting the money out without adding it to your taxable income. There is no other way to get the money out of the IRA without paying tax on it, except for the qualified charitable distribution.

So the win here is you satisfy the RMD, you get more money into the charity's hands and you do it without adding a dime to your taxable income, but you do not get a deduction equal to it. That makes sense. The other quick question was, if you continue to work after 70 and you're taking social security, will your social security amount be adjusted over time if you're making more money? Yes.

Yeah. So the ways that you get an increase in your social security after you start taking benefits are twofold. One is a COLA, cost of living adjustment. The second is, as long as you continue to work and it doesn't matter what age you are, and as long as your total earnings, the FICA taxes that you're paying against the income you're earning, is higher than any of your high 35, the highest 35 years of earnings throughout your life that determine your benefit.

If you replace one of those years with a higher amount, it's automatically recalculated annually and it will result in a higher benefit amount. All right. Well, thank you, Professor. You're welcome, sir. Thank you for mentioning the late Larry Burkett as well. I'll tell you, there's not a week that goes by that somebody doesn't mention Larry and we're always grateful when folks reference the impact the Lord allowed him to have.

Well, that's going to do it for us today. I hope you found something helpful and encouraging today, but above all else, I hope you were encouraged to go back to God's word. In our role in managing God's money, we always need to be reminded that God owns it all, we're stewards, and money is a tool to accomplish God's purposes. So as stewards, we have to understand the heart of the master, we find that in scripture. A big thanks to my team today, Taylor, Devin, and Pat, and we'll see you next time right here on Faith and Finance. Faith and Finance is provided by Faithfi and listeners like you.