3-Step Approach to Better Money & Marriage with Rachel McDonough

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Hi, I'm Rob West. Money problems are always listed among the top reasons that couples divorce. It's all the more tragic because money problems are fixable. Rachel McDonough joins us today with a three-step approach to better money and marriage. And then it's on to your calls at 800-525-7000.

That's 800-525-7000. This is Faith and Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial journey. Well, it's great to have Rachel McDonough with us again.

She's a certified financial planner, certified kingdom advisor and a frequent contributor here at Faith and Finance. Rachel, great to have you back. Hey, Rob. Thanks for having me. Glad to be here. Rachel, you've advised a lot of couples about their finances and that's, of course, giving you some insights into the marriage relationship. And so I'm really excited to dive into some things that you've learned today.

Where would you like to begin? Yeah, well, I think just stating the obvious, right? When we say I do and we come to the altar and we make an agreement and a covenant with the Lord and to one another, we wish that we got the same brain magically that God would somehow help us think the same way as this person whom we've married. But that is not the way that it works. We have husbands and wives with different priorities, different values sometimes, and that can lead to, you know, tragically even decades of frustration when both spouses truly desire to have unity and to get on the same page and have traction and make progress together on goals.

But it's easier said than done, isn't it? Oh, there's no doubt about that. And I think it was the late Larry Burkett that would often say that if we were the same, one of us would be unnecessary. And so we are two different people coming to the equation.

But God's heart is that unity that you described. I know this was challenging for Julie and I, especially early in our marriage. And this is a bit personal for you, isn't it?

Yeah, I'd love to just share a personal story. And I have my husband's permission to share this. But when we first married, I remember his mail started coming to our house and I saw an overdraft notice from his bank. And of course, I lost it because I was meticulous in the way that I was managing my finances. But what I learned in our marriage and even just about myself was that, wow, I could really be controlling and uncompromising. And it wasn't all, you know, like both of us had things to work on. It wasn't just my husband's lackadaisical approach to managing his bank account.

It was really both of us had a tremendous amount of growth to do. And so we see this all the time with other couples as well, especially those who are starting out in their marriage where, you know, one spouse might be more skilled at managing and take more control or have more dominance. And the other spouse might be tempted to just be more passive or kind of stick their head in the sand. And really, it's about kind of both spouses making some compromise and having personal growth. Yeah, no doubt about that.

And it can be really challenging. And I know that you've worked with and counseled hundreds of couples through their money challenges. And you've got some solutions for that. In fact, there's a three step solution that you'd like to unpack today.

Give us just a preview of what's coming. And then after the break, we'll dive deep into these. Yeah, that sounds good. So first step is really understanding each other's personal values. And then those values, of course, lead to step two, which is figuring out what the priorities are for the family priorities come from our values. And then step three is taking all of that behind the scenes deep work of knowing your values and priorities and really turning it into an actionable plan.

That is so good. And when we do that, we can get on the same page. And, you know, I think we can even get to a place where a budget, a spending plan becomes an instrument of peace. And we can both be reflected in the plan. Because if God has wired us differently, there's different priorities there that are ultimately driving toward the same outcome. But we can each be reflected in that plan, I think in our own unique way. But the goal is driving toward that unity and oneness I know that we all desire. Well, Rachel, I'm looking forward to continuing to unpack this right around the corner as we talk about money and marriage. It doesn't have to be a source of frustration and conflict.

It can actually drive you toward what God has for you as a married couple. Rachel McDonough here today. She's a certified financial planner and a certified kingdom advisor.

And we're talking money and marriage. A lot more to come just around the corner. We'll, of course, take your questions as well ahead. Eight hundred five to five seven thousand. And if you prefer not to call, keep in mind, you can always send us an email and ask Rob at Faith by Dotcom.

We'll be right back after this break. To explore a new way of investing that aligns with your values, more information is available at one ascent dot com. And by clicking analyze my investments. Faith in finance is grateful for support from Sound Mind Investing. If you have money in an investment account, you know, sometimes the stock market can seem like a roller coaster, but it's possible to enjoy both profit and peace of mind as a do it yourself investor.

No matter what's happening in the market. A short video webinar about that is available at sound mind investing dot org. Financial wisdom for living well sound mind investing dot org. Delighted to have you with us today on faith and finance. We're talking about money and marriage, specifically a three step approach to help you deal with money and marriage in a way that's God honoring and drives you toward unity as a married couple with me today. My friend Rachel McDonough, she's a certified financial planner and a certified kingdom adviser.

She joins us frequently on this broadcast. And Rachel, I'm so excited about this topic because we hear from so many couples who are struggling to get on the same page and find God's heart as a married couple in this area of money. And I know you said you've got a three step plan, the first of which is to identify each spouse's personal values.

I think this is so often a missed step in managing money as a married couple. So unpack this for us. Yeah, absolutely. So our personal values, I kind of think of it as, you know, we're all created in God's image, but we have different fingerprints of God in our lives, right? Ephesians 3 10 says that it was God's intention through the church that his manifold wisdom would be made known to rulers and authorities in heavenly realms.

And that word manifold means multifaceted or multidimensional. And I think the way that God imprints his nature onto each person uniquely, it shows up in our personal values. Yeah, you know, one person might have the personal value of generosity and that reflects God's generous heart. But God is also lots of other things besides generous, right?

Like he's he wants to be the builder of all things. So we see that sometimes showing up with people who have the value of creativity. And so getting to have each spouse articulate what their personal values are, not surprisingly, they will probably have several core values that are the same.

And that's what drew them to one another in the first place. But then they'll also likely discover in most cases, there are some unique values that are unique to each individual. And the beauty and the blessing of unity in marriage comes when we learn how to honor our differences, and then pull together and celebrate the places where we're similar or have unity already. Rachel, what does that look like practically for couples to basically take an inventory of their values and get that on the table? So there are several values inventory type of exercises that you can use online or through a deck of cards and just take the time to get to know yourself and get to know each other. And again, looking for those overlap areas and the areas of individuality. I think that is so important. All right, Rachel, I know you said step two was to make a list of financial priorities of both spouses.

What does that look like? Yeah, so the values really determine the priorities and taking time to list out the specific things. I mean, you might think of these as financial goals, but sometimes they can be even non-financial things like maybe one spouse has the goal of health and they notice that the more that they're working, they have a really stressful job. It's actually affecting their health. There may be some financial decision making that happens with that goal of getting healthy again.

Maybe it means working less. But getting a list of priorities and what's important to each spouse and then learning how to compromise and work together to ensure that resources are being allocated equitably across the priorities. The things that are important to both spouses leads to a lot of unity and agreement.

Yeah, so I'm seeing communication being key to both of these and I'm not surprised because it seems like when we talk about marriage, communication is always at the center of everything. All right, take us into step three for better money and marriage. All right, step three is where the rubber meets the road. This is really implementing how are we going to manage actual dollar amounts?

Where are they going to go? What are the deadlines? And as we manage resources effectively, what it does is it operationalizes the family's values and takes them from being these abstract concepts that may be ambiguous into really specific actions that carve out a pathway for that family to move forward with intention. And when both spouses participate in the formation of that plan, we also have the opportunity for that type A spouse who likes to make a list and check things off to really shine in their skill set to say, OK, we've agreed together. We've taken the time and done the hard work of coming into agreement. Now I can take the list and run with it and check things off. Yeah, and let me just take a wild guess here that type A checklist person. That's you, right?

Guilty as charged. I love it. Well, I know you all just celebrated your 20th anniversary. So big congratulations from all of us here, Rachel. But now that you and your husband have been working at this for a long time, what's working today and what are you still working through? Yeah, I want to take a moment to just celebrate the progress that we've made because it's been hard work for 20 years.

And Chris has been an amazing partner and has had a lot of patience with me. But one of the things that happened just a couple of days ago, I had been in prayer and had a really strong nudge from the Lord. I felt really strongly that we should actually do something kind of radical in our generosity.

And it was something that I would not recommend as financial advice to my clients. Like it was a little bit radical. Right. And so I thought, well, how am I going to bring this up to Chris in a way where, you know, I can give him time to think about it and get on the same page?

And something really cool happened. I just mentioned it to him in passing and it took him like two seconds to say, I think we should do that. I think that's what God would have us do. But it doesn't always happen that fast where we get on the same page with each other.

But the way that it happened, it wasn't actually a two second decision to be in unity. It actually has been a 20 year process of figuring out how to get into unity so that when those moments come up, we can now operate together knowing that we want to be respectful to each other, that he knows that I'm not going to be dominant and try to push my way through and get him to do what I want him to do. And he knows my heart, even though we've had some history to work through and some healing to go through together. Rachel, what counsel would you give to somebody listening today? Perhaps it's a wife who has that same desire and gift of giving and wants to do more. And her husband is not on the same page.

It didn't take two seconds for him to say, you know what, I'm in. How would you help her navigate that? Yeah, two things. So first of all, I would say Ephesians 5 21. We were given the admonition to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So we can't be reverent to Christ if we're in rebellion or acting without our spouse's agreement or trying to be sneaky and give behind the scenes.

We need to do the hard work of getting into unity. And secondly, I would say pray, because if it is God's will for you to release resources to his kingdom, it is not impossible for him to persuade your spouse that that's a good idea. And it is way more effective, I have learned, as a spouse to say, well, I'm going to just back off, get in my prayer room, have a conversation with the Lord. And if it's his will, ask him to change my husband's heart, instead of me feeling like I have to take the bull by the horns and wrestle this one to the ground and make it happen. It's really if it's for his kingdom, he has the ability to speak to my spouse. Wow, that's so powerful, Rachel, and so practical, because I think that's where a lot of our listeners find themselves today.

They don't feel like they have one heart and that unity that God desires in their marriage, and I think you've given us some real practical handles to be able to lean into that and hopefully see things much different in the future. Thanks for stopping by today. We always appreciate our time with you.

Thanks for having me. All right. That's Rachel McDonough, Certified Financial Planner and Certified Kingdom Advisor. You can learn more about her firm Wealth Squared at WealthSQ.com.

That's WealthSQ.com. All right, we're back with your questions after this. 800-525-7000. I'm Rob West and this is Faith and Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions.

We'll be right back after this break. If the heavy burden of debt is robbing you of freedom and peace of mind, Christian credit counselors can help. We're a nationwide nonprofit credit counseling organization that has helped over 300,000 individuals in the last 27 years get out of credit card debt 80 percent faster while honoring that debt in full to learn how Christian credit counselors can help you visit Christian credit counselors dot org.

That's Christian credit counselors dot org or call 800-557-1985. Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance. Here in our final segment, we'll be taking your calls on anything financial.

We've got room for maybe one more question beyond those that are holding 800-525-7000. You know, folks, as you think about it, money is one of God's good creations. We don't ever want to slip into this thinking that money is bad or evil. Remember, the Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil, but money and all that has been entrusted to us is a good creation from God. And we have this responsibility to take and use God's good creation for his glory. Now, the problem comes in when we worship the creation money over the creator, and that's where things can go awry.

And we see very clearly in scripture that we can't serve God and money. So we serve God, making him our ultimate treasure. And then we work hard as unto the Lord to cultivate and keep God's creation being productive and taking the blessing.

Remember, it's the privilege that we have. Even the power to create wealth comes from God himself. And then we use that for his glory when we provide for our families and we give generously to those in need and for gospel work. And even when we invest and deploy God's capital into companies that are blessing mankind and creating human flourishing, and that source of capital to these companies is then the engine for business that has the ability to bless the world and improve the quality of life for people literally across the globe. That's the opportunity we have, but we do need to be on our guard that it never competes with God for his rightful place and first position in our lives. That's what we want to do each day on this program. Keep that in the background at the foundation of everything we talk about.

And then build on that with those practical ideas we find in God's word that relate to the actual financial decisions you're making every day. Let's take a few of those questions right now related to those decisions you're making and we'll head to Texas and welcome Tina to the broadcast. Go ahead. My mom has a house and I'm helping her manage it and she's ill right now. She's not able to do it, but it's vacant right now. We just come to the house during the Christmas, but it's been recommended that we use it maybe as an Airbnb. We have a pool here and it's near the airport or rent it out because I've been advised by a person who said that it's not good for insurance purposes to leave the house vacant. And plus we could use the income because it's expensive to maintain it. So my question is, is it better to maybe go the Airbnb route or just rent it out? I'm kind of nervous about the Airbnb because I don't know a lot about it.

Yeah, very good. You know, I would say, you know, my preference would be toward renting it out if you have the right time horizon. How long do you feel like you would be able to sign a lease and know that you're not going to need the property? Oh, I think it'll be a while. Okay. All right.

My mom has dementia, so we were going to use some of the money for her care, for home care. So it'll be a while. It's sentimental for us.

Sure. We're up here as children, so we are not interested in selling it right now. We didn't think the market was good anyway.

Yeah, no, that's helpful. So I think the decision really needs to balance the potential income with the time and the effort you can realistically invest in property management. And, you know, considering your situation 30 minutes away, having, you know, plenty on your plate with regard to your own life and your mom's care, not only that, but managing the property and wanting to avoid leaving it vacant. I think a long term rental might be more suitable in this case. Doesn't mean you can't make plenty of money with an Airbnb. A lot of folks do that very effectively, but a long term rental would likely require less day to day management with more stable income, which is really what you're looking for.

So you can focus on other responsibilities. Now, the only reason why you may want to consider an Airbnb, if you can give it the time and attention that it needs, is if you're in a high demand area for short term rentals and you have the capacity to do it, because here's the reality is with an Airbnb type rental, there's going to be a lot more frequent turnover. That means more cleaning, a lot of guest communication as you're communicating with people coming and going.

And, you know, that's just going to create a lot more in the way of ongoing management. But depending on the area that you're in, there could be higher income, although that's not guaranteed. So I would say unless you've got the time and reason to believe that your area would lend itself to more of the short term, you know, vacation type rentals and you don't have any restrictions that would be prohibiting you from doing that in terms of local laws and regulations, then I think in your situation, the longer term rental income with less overhead and a consistent, you know, amount of income coming in every month would likely be ideal. Does that make sense, though?

It doesn't make sense. It is fully furnished. So would you suggest we just sell off the furniture that's inside? I would probably talk to a local realtor, but likely, you know, you may want to try to at least rent it out furnished because that's going to, you know, that's going to offer more appeal for a certain type of renter. Now, others that are doing a long term rental are likely going to want to come in and put their own, you know, furniture in there and make it their own. But you could start by just seeing if there's some folks that would want to rent it furnished.

If not, then yes, you would likely just want to sell that off and try to recoup as much as you can, maybe do an estate sale or something like that. And then, you know, get into a long term rental after that. But I think getting a realtor in there to just kind of help you think through all of that, what to price it at, you might want to pay them for their time to do kind of a comparative market analysis. And then you could even hire a property manager, although that's going to take about 10% generally of your monthly income. But then you wouldn't have to deal with the calls in the middle of the night and the marketing and the cleaning and, you know, all of the maintenance that comes with managing a rental.

Although if you get a good, you know, long term renter that's going to take care of it, that may be an unnecessary expense. Okay. Well, thank you so much.

I appreciate the information. You're very welcome. God bless you, Tina.

You sound like a wonderful daughter caring for your mom. I know that pleases the Lord. Thanks for being on the program today.

Well, that's going to do it for us today. I'm so thankful for your calls. What a privilege it is that you invite us into your stories each day as we guide you back to God's word and encourage you to apply the wisdom we find in scripture to your financial decisions and choices. And let me invite you to become a FaithFi partner.

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That's faithfi.com and click Give. Well, folks, we hope you come back and join us next time. On behalf of my entire team here at FaithFi, including today's broadcast team, Taylor Stanrich, Amy Rios and Chad Clark, I'm Rob West looking forward to having you back here next time as we apply God's wisdom to your financial decisions and choices here on Faith and Finance. Until then, may God bless you. Bye bye. Faith and Finance is provided by FaithFi and listeners like you.