Helping Your Divorced Daughter With Ron Blue

What's most important to you when it comes to choosing your financial advisor? Someone who's aligned with your biblical values. How about someone who will take the time to explain your options? Certified Kingdom Advisors are professionals who meet high standards in competence and integrity and have been trained to offer biblical financial advice.

To find a Certified Kingdom Advisor in your area, visit faithfi.com and click Find a CKA. Divorce is always a tragic thing, but even more so when it happens to your child. Hi, I'm Rob West. Parents who see a daughter go through a divorce have some tough questions to answer.

How much and how do we help? Financial teacher Ron Blue joins us today with his views on the topic, then it's on to your calls and questions at 800-525-7000. That's 800-525-7000. This is Faith and Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions. But Ron Blue doesn't really need an introduction, but I'll give him one anyway.

He's co-founder of Kingdom Advisors, author of a shelf full of books on biblical finance, a mentor of mine, and a dear friend in Christ. Ron, great to have you back with us. As always, Rob, it's terrific to join you.

Appreciate the invitation. We love it, Ron. And you know, this is an important topic, helping a daughter who's going through a divorce. It's probably something we should talk about more often, do you think?

Yeah, I do. Unfortunately, you know, 50% of marriages end up in divorce, and it's something that is becoming more and more common in our society. So divorce is very real, and it'll be good to talk about it a bit.

Yeah, it will. And I know you would agree that being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs there is, and financially it's really challenging. This is something, though, this topic, Ron, that's very personal for you and Judy, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Our third child, a daughter, went through a divorce after just a few years of marriage. She had one son that was born kind of during the divorce process. And so we had some tough questions to answer, and you don't plan for these things, really, in the sense of, now what are we going to do, because you don't know all of the circumstances. So we did go through that, and we could spend a lot of time talking about what we learned. But what we learned is it's hard, because you're dealing emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, all of those issues enter into it.

Yeah. Well, let's dig into that, Ron. How did you and Judy make that decision on how much and how to help?

I'd say, Rob, that we made it on an ongoing basis. And I think that's an important thing to remember, is because you can't kind of say, this is it, and live with that, because you don't know how things are going to work out. The relationship between the divorced couple, how is that going to work out? And what about your daughter in this particular case? How is she going to finance herself when she's a single mom?

That's a hard, hard thing. And I think one of the biggest things is that people feel like they failed, and there's the emotion of failure, and how do you support a child who feels like they failed? And then again, now they've got siblings, so we had to decide, how do we help her financially vis-a-vis her siblings? And we came to the conclusion on something that I had written, that if you love your children equally, you'll treat them uniquely, and she was in a unique situation. So it didn't matter with the other children. We didn't have to treat them the same way we were going to treat our daughter. And we didn't. Yeah. And Ron, I know one of your goals throughout this process was to be able to help, but then release her once again to self-sufficiency.

What did that look like? Well, it took time. I think we were involved in helping her for probably six years before she got remarried. And she then had to kind of figure out a career that she could be self-supporting. And so we did a lot of babysitting. We spent a lot of time with her. We spent a lot of time, in fact, we've got 13 grandchildren, and we may be the closest to her one son, who's now 23 years old.

But we're really close to him because we were a large, large part of his life. Yeah. And Ron, I suspect prayer was a big part of this as well, right?

Oh, prayer and friends. Yeah. That's great.

That's a big part. Well, Ron, we just scratched the surface on this, but there's a huge need here and a wonderful opportunity. And I know you've been an encouragement to our listeners today. Thanks for stopping by. Well, thanks for having me, Rob.

I enjoyed it. That's Ron Blue, author of Master Your Money and frequent contributor here at Faith and Finance. All right. Your calls are next. The number, 800-525-7000. That's 800-525-7000. I'm Rob West, and this is Faith and Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions.

We'll be right back. What's most important to you when it comes to choosing your financial advisor? Someone who's aligned with your biblical values? How about someone who will take the time to explain your options? Certified kingdom advisors are professionals who meet high standards and competence and integrity.

And have been trained to offer biblical financial advice. To find a certified kingdom advisor in your area, visit faithfi.com and click Find a CKA. If you enjoy this radio program, you're going to love all of the many different resources waiting for you at faithfi.com and the Faithfi app. You'll find powerful wisdom, free podcasts, articles, videos, and more from leading voices such as Randy Alcorn, Howard Dayton, Ron Blue, and our own Rob West. Grow in wisdom and knowledge by connecting with a community of thousands of Christians striving to be good and faithful stewards at faithfi.com or by downloading the Faithfi app.

We're back. I'm Rob West, and this is Faith and Finance. Thanks for listening today. Thanks for taking the time. As we head into our calls and questions, I want to take a moment to ask you if you've downloaded the Faithfi app.

You can use it on your desktop or your mobile device. All right, let's head to the phones. By the way, if you have a question, just call 800-525-7000. That's 800-525-7000.

Let's go to Fort Lauderdale. Hi, Renee. Thanks for calling. Go ahead. Hello. How are you? Thank you again for taking my call.

Absolutely. Thanks for being on the program. My biggest question is, what do I do with my 403B? I found out that the Broward County Public Schools stopped servicing where I had been putting my money into, and so the money is like out there.

I have $49,000 sitting in this account just out there. When I finally tracked everything down, the company that will be able to reuse or whatever you want to call it, but not until like January or February next year, so do I start a new account, and can I start a new account, or do I have to wait and take this account? Do you understand what I'm asking?

I do, yeah. I'm not familiar with the specifics of what's going on there with Broward County. So they've suspended your current account, and you're not making new contributions, but then they're going to have a new plan for you in the new year.

Is that right? That's the way I understand it. I don't even know how it even got stopped. I thought if we're contributing to something, that unless we sign, they could take it and stop it.

They could, but apparently they did, and this apparently happened about 18 months ago, and I only found that out because another company started saying, hey, come join us. I'm already filled up. I got my 357, and I've got my 403b, and they're like, no, you don't. I'm like, yeah, I do, and they're like, no, you have this 403b open.

We can take that slot, and I'm like, what do you mean you can take that slot? And that's when I started looking into it and found out everything. Okay. Yeah, very good. Yeah, unfortunately, I think you're going to need to get some more details on this.

I'd love to be able to tell you what direction to go, but I would need to know a bit more just about what's going on with the plan. Do you have an advisor, Renee, that you've worked with in the past or you currently work with? Sort of.

I mean, just the company itself. Yeah. Okay.

I think the key is that you get an advisor to kind of look over this for you, help you kind of read through the paperwork of what's happening with the plan, and then as a part of that, perhaps you do some retirement planning just to determine the very best place and way for you to save for the long term. And so I would probably reach out to a certified kingdom advisor there in Fort Lauderdale just to have that individual look this over and help you make this decision because I just don't have enough information to be able to tell you one way or the other how you should proceed. So the way to do that is just to head to our website at faithfi.com, that's faithfi.com, and then you can click right there at the top of the page, find a CKA, okay? Thank you so very much, and I'm sorry to have bothered you. Oh, you're not a bother at all. I'm so glad that you called. Call anytime if we can help further. Thanks for calling. Let's head to Chattanooga. Hi, Sharon. Go right ahead.

Hi. Well, I'm blessed to have a believing spouse, and so we're happy with tithing and giving offerings. That's great. Our daughter has left the Lord for, like, she's not going to walk with him for at least seven years or so, and she wants, she's very impulsive. She's wanting to buy some land in a foreign country. About three or four months ago, she wanted to buy land in a different foreign country. She's not independently wealthy, she's got a nest egg laid aside, but anyway, so my husband and I discussed it, and we had agreed to give her a certain amount of money.

And now my husband wants to triple that. And I have a very big hesitation, and I have said to him, this is God's money, and you're not offering to give our other child that amount of money, and to further complicate it, you know, you've heard daddy's little girl, and how somebody can wrap their daddy around their little finger, well, yeah, he never says no to her. I mean, it's just, you know, I mean, and I just, I'm afraid it's not, I'm afraid we're going to be wasting God's money, and it's not going to be helpful to her either. And so I've already, you know, shared this is God's money, and I'm kind of running out of ideas, other than praying and fasting, I prayed about it. God admit, I, maybe if the fasting needs to come into it, I should do that.

I'm also looking for some other tools if you have some ideas. Sure. Well, Sharon, I appreciate that call, and I know how challenging this can be. Of your children, is this your only daughter, or do you have other daughters?

Right, it's our only daughter. Okay, got it. And tell me again about what it is you're providing the money for. Did you say it's an overseas real estate investment? Well, that's what she wants to use it for.

My husband gets bonuses periodically. Oh, unfortunately, we're losing you just a bit. Let's see if we can get a better signal there, Sharon.

Yeah, I'm going to put you on hold and have my team see if they can clear up that line, because I want to be able to talk to you and get the details. But it seems like we're having a little bit of trouble there. So we'll come right back to you, Sharon. Let's quickly go to Margain. Hi, Caroline.

Hi. My question is, I'm thinking about investing into an annuity, and they're going to give you like, it's a fixed index annuity, it's for 10 years, and they give you 40% on your initial investment, and after that, they give you 50% on your anniversary of whatever the interest rate is. So if it's 6%, they give you 9% on your total. I'm wondering if that's a good investment.

Yeah, you know, it really just depends, Caroline, on what your objectives are. I mean, annuities aren't my favorite tool, because yes, you get the downside protection, but you have to give up something to get that. And usually what you're giving up is you only participate in a portion of the upside. So you're tying up your money, because when you put it in the insurance contract, you're going to have surrender penalties and charges. They're expensive, because there's a lot of fees kind of embedded in these products.

And then although you do get the peace of mind with the downside floor, you don't get the full upside. And really, what I would prefer is we take a responsible kind of disciplined approach to investing, building a portfolio that makes sense for you, your goals and objectives, not taking unnecessary risk, but with the long time horizon, getting the full benefit of the upside potential and still keeping liquidity, meaning access to your money if you were to need it along the way, as opposed to some of the constraints and restrictions that you'll have inside of an annuity. So I just want you to understand what it is you're buying and why. And then make sure that this is the right product for you. So here's what I'm going to recommend.

I would connect with a certified kingdom advisor in your area. Just have that person look over this contract. I would also have a conversation just about your overall financial plan and just make sure that this particular investment vehicle fits with your goals and objectives. And that person can analyze the specifics of this particular annuity contract. They're so complicated, Sharon, that unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to tell you whether this is a good investment or a bad because there's a lot of fine print.

There's fees that are embedded in these. And again, you're just going to want to look at this in light of your overall plan. So what I would do is head to our website, faithfi.com, that's faithfi.com, click Find a CKA, and there's some wonderful certified kingdom advisors there in Chattanooga that would be delighted to sit down with you. Thanks for your call today. When we come back, we're going to go back to Sharon and talk about her daughter and her husband's desire to give some money to their daughter. We'll be right back.

Stay with us. Because of my past health history, finding affordable healthcare was nearly impossible. But then I found CHM, where costs are not adjusted based on medical history. Christian Healthcare Ministries even provides the freedom to choose my own providers, and the best part, CHM members pray for me. Too good to be true?

It's not. I'm a proud member of Christian Healthcare Ministries, and if you think it could be right for you, learn more at chministries.org slash faithfi. As the leading advocate for the Christian financial industry, Kingdom Advisors serves the public by promoting the integration of a biblical worldview across every aspect of the financial services industry, and we serve a growing network of thousands of Christian financial professionals, equipping and empowering them to carry biblical financial wisdom to their clients, peers, and community. For more information, visit kingdomadvisors.com. Hey, great to have you with us today on Faith and Finance. I'm Rob West.

We've got a couple of lines open, 800-525-7000. Now before the break, we were talking to Sharon in Chattanooga. Her daughter, unfortunately, is not walking with the Lord. Sharon and her husband are believers.

They want to be able to bless their daughter. In fact, they had already decided to give her a certain amount of money. But Sharon's husband would like to do even more. She's, Sharon is, uncomfortable with that and just wanting to know how they should approach that, how she should work through that with her husband. Sharon, will you just clarify for me, how is the money going to be used that your daughter's asking for? She's going to use it towards the property that she wants to buy. She wanted us to go in partnership with her, and I was definitely uncomfortable with that, so we agreed we wouldn't do that because it's in a different country. We don't know the laws. She says she's had a lawyer, you know, she's got a lawyer, et cetera.

But I, you know, I'm concerned. Well, I think that was a good decision on not going in the partnership. You know, that's just a difficult situation because whenever you're, you know, not only going into business together, but if it involves loaning money, now it changes the relationship and let's say this doesn't work out the way everybody expected. Now all of a sudden there's, you know, hard feelings and it potentially damages the relationship and nothing is worth taking that risk. It doesn't mean there's not ever a case to go into business together with family members.

You just need to be really careful and make sure there's clear exit ramps and make sure that everything's in writing. But let's go back to that property for a second. So will this be her primary residence or is she looking to invest in real estate out of the country? She would like to live there part of the year.

She's got a very flexible career where she can do that. And she also feels like it would be beneficial for us. We would have a place to go on vacation, but we're, we're, you know, in our sixties. And so, you know, I'm, I'm like, I'm not sure how many real years of international travel we'll be doing. And yeah, no, I can certainly understand that, especially being a real estate owner of property outside the U S. So give me the, just the quick numbers here. What is the amount of the, the cost of the property she's looking to borrow or buy and how much is she borrowing? She's going to be investing a total of 15,000 for just the land and then she'll have to invest over the next five years, another 15,000 per year, most likely. Okay.

And how much is she asking you all to put in five from us initially and that that we were agreeable, but it's now, um, 10 to 15 and maybe more over the next few years. Okay. All right. I mean, I would agree with you. I don't think this is the time, uh, for you in this season of life to be going into, you know, really, frankly, for most people, regardless of the season of life to go in and be buying property in a country where you don't kind of have firsthand knowledge of the laws and, you know, just a whole host of issues, especially if you don't even know how much you would potentially use it. The other complicating factor is here, it sounds like it's raw land. Then that means there's going to be construction that adds a whole nother layer of complexity and challenge. I think the fact that, you know, you all are potentially providing the full amount of the first year's investment tells me also that she's not in a financial position to do this.

Uh, yeah, it sounds great. Everybody would love to have a piece of property and ultimately a second home in another country, but if she doesn't have the ability to do that, you guys not only, um, you know, are helping her make an investment that she potentially doesn't have the ability to see through, but also potentially setting her up for failure. If she's getting herself overextended and committing to something that she really doesn't have the financial foundation to make good on. And so that's where, you know, you actually in your desire to help and bless her, you actually couldn't be setting her up for, you know, difficulties down the road by again, enabling her to make a purchase she wouldn't otherwise be able to do without your help. I think any desire to help on your part where you and your husband agree, um, you should make it a gift if you have the financial ability to do so.

And that way you're not looking for an investment return, you're not looking to be paid back. If something does happen to this, it's not going to damage the relationship. You can just walk alongside her and encourage her, uh, without having to, you know, get involved in the transaction apart from just blessing her. So I think if you all have the money to do it, I kind of like this idea of you saying, listen, we're going to give you this $5,000 gift, no strings attached. It's our gift to you.

We want to bless you with this. Uh, you know, great. And that's the end of it. But the ability for you to go all the way up to the first year's investment, even if you can financially do that, I think as a mistake, because again, I think you're enabling her to make a purchase. It doesn't sound like she has the ability to do so. And that's going to create additional problems despite her expectation that maybe she'll have the money when the next 15 and the next 15 and the next 15 are due.

I can't imagine she will if she doesn't even have the first 15 today. So I think you need to continue to pray about it. Go back to your husband, say, listen, number one, I think we need to be on the same page before we do this. Number two, anything we do needs to be a gift. And number three, could we be enabling her to make a purchase that's actually setting her up for difficulty down the road? If you can't get on the same page, I'd get a third party either from your church or an advisor to walk alongside you in this. Let's go to Lincoln, Nebraska.

Hi, Brent. Go ahead. I have a question about, uh, two properties that I acquired via a 10 31 exchange. I would like them to transfer upon my death to my son. And I was concerned if there was any tax implications on his behalf when that transfer occurs. Yeah, all of the built in gain disappears, Brent, upon the taxpayer's death. So that 10 31 exchange, you know, pushes that capital gain forward into a future sale. And so if at some point prior to your death, you sell that property, then you would have to pay the full capital gains on the sale against the original cost basis.

The 10 31 just allows you to kind of kick that can down the road. But with regard to an inheritance, as long as you know, he, the person inheriting it's not a part of the deed, and they truly are inheriting it as a part of the estate either through a will or, you know, transfer on death deed or trust, then that built in gain that's been accumulating through the 10 31 goes away, because the new cost basis steps up to the date of death for you as the owner. And so if then you're in this case, your son inherits that property, then if he turns around and sells those properties right away, there is no capital gains.

Now if he could hold them and they continue to appreciate, then of course the capital gain would be based on the amount of profit versus the cost basis, which is now as of the date of death. Does that make sense? Very clear. Thank you so much, Rob. That's great relief. Good.

Well, yeah, you may. You're welcome. And I'll just mention, you may want to consider with multiple properties here, especially this is where a trust can be really helpful. So you may want to visit with a godly estate planning attorney just to talk about whether if you don't already have one and you may, whether it makes sense to put all of these properties in a trust and, and then pass them that way outside of probate.

So I would just be something to consider. Thanks for listening. I hope you'll make plans to join us again next time for another edition of Faith and Finance. Faith and Finance is provided by Faith Buy and listeners like you.