Properly Addressing Pain and Loss

Hello and welcome to Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd, Senior Pastor at Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. So glad you stopped by. We're just moments away from today's message, properly addressing pain and loss. But first, Pastor Paul joins me from his studio in California. Pastor, I think all of us feel at some level that Christmas and the Christmas season has become much more than just a celebration of the Savior's birth.

There's so many distractions. And as a way of encouraging our listeners, maybe you could share how you and your family keep the focus of Christmas on Christ. When we had our two children as they were growing up, we enjoyed sharing with them the fairy tales, you know, twas a night before Christmas and the reindeer and the elves and, of course, Santa. But we made sure that our kids, like we as children, always knew that this season is about Jesus.

And we kept him front and center. And even now in our 60s, my wife and I are seasoned citizens. I don't want to use that word senior yet. Hey, I like that.

I'm going to stay away from it as long as I possibly can. But we're seasoned citizens in our 60s. And these days, we don't give gifts to each other. We give each other cards and all of that. But we decided sometime back, what we'd rather do is give what we would spend on each other. We want to take that money and invest it in the lives of families in need or individuals in our sphere of influence.

We do that every year. And we bless a few folks. And they're always just amazed by that. But we find it just as fulfilling as receiving. In fact, in a lot of ways, it's more. It's kind of what Jesus said. It's more blessed to give than to receive. You can't imagine that when you're a kid.

But once you get my age, you realize that it really is true. We do. We really do. I find that it's not so much keeping our focus on Christ. It's a challenge. It's all the activities that get in the way, all the things to do. And, you know, as a pastor, all the responsibilities you have. So that that's a difficulty to overcome, too.

Yeah, it is. And we just have to make sure that our schedules line up with our priorities. And so if our priority is to worship and if our priority is to spend quality time with family and with the saints of God, then we just have to make that happen.

You know, time is one of those things that if you don't control it, it will manage itself in ways that you don't want it to. So we make sure to keep our priorities firmly in focus and we don't let the busyness drive us crazy. I don't like to see people lose all their sanity and their dignity because they're trying to enjoy the holidays. Take your time, pace your life, enjoy what's important and let God be glorified because Jesus really is the reason for the season.

Amen. Thank you, Pastor Paul, for helping us to refocus on what the season is all about. And speaking of refocusing, that's the title of this month's special offer, a DVD from Pastor Paul. It's a message that will help you put the past year in its proper perspective so that you can move ahead with faith into 2021. Request your copy when you make your very best gift this Christmas season to Destin for Victory. Call 855-339-5500 to give over the phone or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online.

You can also mail your gift to Destin for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. The only way to be prepared to enter into higher, to enter into better, to experience what God has for you is you're going to have to deal properly with the fact that some things in your life don't remain there and you need to deal properly with losses. It's so easy to dwell in all we have lost. God wants us to focus on all we have left. On today's Destin for Victory, Pastor Paul encourages you to move on from the pain of your past so that God can take you to the future destiny he longs to give you.

So now here's Pastor Paul with today's Destin for Victory message, properly addressing pain and loss. If you're going to journey successfully toward fulfillment, not only does it require passion, make a note of this, the journey toward fulfillment requires a paradigm shift. It requires passion, like Caleb had, but it also requires a paradigm shift. And just in case you're not familiar with that word, a lot of us became familiar with that word, oh, years ago, probably 30 years ago, when Stephen Covey wrote a book that became quite popular and it was called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. And he talked in one of his points a lot about the need for a paradigm shift.

And a lot of us grabbed that concept, I've held on to it, and it's done me well for many, many years since then. But perhaps you may not be familiar with it, so let me just help you understand. What do you mean when you say paradigm?

Well, here's the simplest way I can put it. Paradigm is the point of view or the perspective from which you operate. So a paradigm is a particular vocal or vantage point. It's a particular point of view. It's a particular perspective you have as you operate in your life. And if you're going to move toward fulfillment, you're going to need to have a paradigm shift.

Now, here's why it's important in this particular concept, and I want you to note what this sentence is. At various times in life's journey, people who have been important to you are going to die or otherwise leave your life. You say, Pastor, we're talking about fulfillment, we're trying to get to the promises, we're trying to have some fun in Canaan land. Why are you talking about death? I'm glad you asked.

Because here's the answer. The only way to be prepared to enter into higher, to enter into better, to experience what God has for you, is you're going to have to deal properly with the fact that some things in your life don't remain there, and you need to deal properly with losses. Now, I said to my wife as I was preparing this particular message in the series, I said to her at one point, this doesn't even feel like a sermon, it feels like a therapy session. And I want to say, if you have never been to therapy, you're about to have some, whether you want to or not. But I promise you, it's going to do you good.

Let the Word of God get into your business, because it's there to make you better. It's there to take you higher. It's there to help you experience the best of what God has for you. But I want you to see what I just said. I want you to make note of it.

At various times on life's journey, people who have been important to you are going to die or otherwise leave your life. Let me show you what I mean. Go with me to the last chapter of the book of Deuteronomy, and here's what you're going to see. Then Moses went up from the plains of Moab to Mount Nebo to the top of Pisgah, which is a cross from Jericho, and the Lord showed him all the land.

Let's skip down to verse 4. Then the Lord said to him, this is the land on which I swore to give Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, I will give it to your descendants. I have caused you to see it with your eyes, but you, Moses, shall not cross over. So God, before he took Moses out of this world, he said, I want you to come up here on this mountain with me. I want you to see the land I promised to give Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

I want you to see it. He said, but Moses, you're not going to be able to cross over. Now if you're wondering, why couldn't Moses cross over? He was the one that helped the people to get away from Egypt. He was the one that caused them to cross the Red Sea. Why wouldn't God let him go all the way into the Promised Land? Well, the answer is because at a certain point in the wilderness, the people with their doubt and unbelief and murmuring and complaining and bickering and all of that stuff, they caused Moses to act out so badly that he offended God.

If you've never read about that, do yourself a favor and just read about it. I don't want to take a lot of time, but in Numbers chapter 20, you will find that particular episode, the people were doing what they do, complaining, and they said, we can't find any decent water over here. And so what happened? God said, all right, we're going to make sure they get water. He said, Moses, take your staff, and I want you to speak to the rock, and when you speak to the rock, I want you to watch. I'm going to bring supernatural provision of water out of that rock.

People will be able to drink their flocks, their herds, their cattle will be able to drink, and I'm going to show them once again I'm a supernatural God. In Numbers 20, after God said, Moses, take your staff, but speak to the rock, you're going to find when you read Numbers 20 that Moses was so sick of those folk that instead of speaking to the rock, he spoke to them. He said, y'all a bunch of rebels, and you saw his frustration, you saw his anger, he was so angry that he actually struck the rock twice, and the rock was a divine provision, so it was like he was striking God. And God was offended, and God said to him later, when you did that, you dishonored me in the presence of the people. I'm the one that's got to take them into Canaan, I'm the only one who can bless them, and you have dishonored me in front of them, and because of that, Moses, you're not going to be able to take them into the promised land. I have to confess, I've been a pastor since I was 24 years old when I started as an associate pastor.

My first seven years of full-time ministry were as an associate pastor under my dad in Philly, and then at 31 I moved to California and began my first of the two pastorates out here. I've been a pastor for a long time, decades, and I can confess I know why he struck the rock. People can get on your nerves as a leader.

Not y'all, but people I know can get on your nerves and can really cause you to act out, so I get it. Now Moses was wrong, he knew he was wrong, but I love God. He'll discipline you without leaving you. And I love what we see here at the end of Deuteronomy. God's getting ready to take him home, but he said, Moses, before I take you, I want you to see.

You can't go because of what you did earlier, but I want you to see it. And he let him look over and see the promised land. And then the Lord took him home.

In fact, I love it. When you read this passage, the Bible tells you verse 5 here at the end of Deuteronomy. So Moses, the servant of the Lord, died there in the land of Moab, according to the word of the Lord. God buried him in the valley in the land of Moab, opposite Beth-Pr, but no one knows his grave to this day. I love that because, I mean, you got to be somebody for God to officiate your funeral.

And that's what happened. God officiated Moses' funeral. He said, I'm going to bury him myself. He officiated, took him to a secret grave site. God buried the man himself. And so even though he had disrespected the Lord in his anger, God still loved him. God still took care of him right to the very end of his life. But now here's, that was just a sidebar. I don't really want to get off there.

So I want you to stay focused here and look at what happened. Look at verse 8 of this last chapter here in Deuteronomy. The children of Israel wept because the Lord took him. He died at 120 years old. The people wept for Moses in the plains of Moab 30 days. So the days of weeping and mourning for Moses ended.

Pause right there. Here's where your therapy session begins. We'll be right back with more of today's Destined for Victory message from Pastor Paul Shepherd. Remember, you can always listen to the broadcast on demand at pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net where you'll find a host of great resources at our online store.

You can also listen or download the podcast at Google podcast or wherever you get yours. Now, once again, here's Pastor Paul with the rest of today's message, Properly Addressing Pain and Loss. This verse teaches us what kinds of paradigm shifts you have to have if you're going to experience God's best for your life. Specifically, this verse is going to show you that all of us have to learn how to mourn some things. All of us have to learn how to honor some things. And all of us have to learn how to bid farewell and move on from some things. All right.

Fasten your seat belt because we're going in here. We got to deal with the fact that you can't move forward if you haven't properly addressed the past and the present. One of our problems in the body of Christ is sometimes we're so anxious to move ahead that we don't take care of the proper necessities. So the first thing you have to do to have a paradigm shift that will prepare you for your future is you've got to identify the things that must be mourned. All of us have people and circumstances that blessed us for a season, but then they are no more. All of us know what it is to lose a loved one, lose someone near and dear to us.

If you haven't had that experience yet, my grandmother would have had a word for you. Keep on living. Just keep on living because sooner or later you're going to be in mourning. You're going to have loss come into your life. It is known to all people death is going to happen. And so you've got to learn how to mourn.

Not only must you learn how to mourn the death of good things, but you need to learn how to mourn even when people are trying to encourage you to move forward. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but there are some people who hate it that you're crying and so they try to get you to stop crying and get you to feel good. You ever had people try to get you to dry up your tears and let's go do this and let's go see that and they're trying to push you past your pain? I don't know if you've experienced it. I have and it's not pretty.

Do yourself a favor. When you run into folk who aren't comfortable with your pain, drop them off somewhere. You don't have to kick them out of your life permanently, but drop them off somewhere for that season that you need to mourn. Don't let people try to make you happy when you need to be sad. I told you this was going to be therapy. When I need to cry, I don't need you and your joy bells ringing all the time. When I need to be in, here's the way we say it, in my feelings, all of us every now and then need to just go on and be in our feelings.

I'm not going to stay in there. I'm not going to be ignorant in there, but I do need to possess my feelings. My brothers, my sisters, if you have some things that hurt, that's why God gave you tear ducts. You're supposed to cry. You are supposed to cry. Grieving is natural. Grieving is normal. And here's the thing a lot of church folk don't know, and grieving is healthy. You're supposed to grieve. You got to do something with that hurt, with that pain. When something significant, when someone important has left your life, it leaves a pain.

It creates a problem for you emotionally, and you got to process that stuff. And I am here to inform you, yes, hire is coming. Yes, the days are coming when your tears will be dried up. The smile's going to return. You're going to experience some great happy times.

But those times will only be great if you process where you are right now appropriately. So give yourself permission to grieve. Deep grief and sorrow doesn't dissipate.

I need you to understand something. Sorrow is not like a vapor. You see a vapor and then it just fades away. That's because of the physical properties of vapor. It's not going to linger. It's not going to stay. It's not going to be like a cloud, and you can keep watching it.

Vapor, by its very nature, it's there now and then it dissipates. Grief and deep sorrow are not like that. Grief and deep sorrow are there, and they remain there until they are properly addressed. And I need you to understand something because they're there. God wants you to appropriately deal with it.

So look at our text. You saw that when Moses died, the people wept. For 30 days they mourned. For 30 days they talked about Moses and his role in their life, and they recalled the things he did.

And remember that time Moses did this, and remember when he led us through that, and do you remember some of those plagues, and do you remember this? And they just reminisced, and they just mourned, and they lived in those feelings for 30 days. They cried when they needed to cry. They talked when they needed to talk. Sometimes they slept. Sometimes they couldn't go to sleep. Sometimes they'd have moments of happiness, moments of smiles breaking out. Sometimes they would go from smiling to crying. It is the nature of your emotional makeup.

And I'm here to tell you we need to learn the lesson like Israel learned it, and it is time for you to let God minister to your felt needs. So we've got to learn how to mourn. Now, we're going a little deeper in therapy. I've come to learn that in fact sometimes you need to process not only the loss of some good things and good people in your life.

Watch this one. Sometimes you have to learn to mourn and properly process the loss of negative people, of abusive people, even of toxic people. The fact that somebody was abusive and toxic and did you wrong doesn't mean when they leave your life you can just act like they never happened and be healthy. Sometimes you have to work through the pain someone should have never caused you. If you don't work through that pain, the residue of what they did remains there. If you don't deal with it properly, it will actually make you sick. It can make you sick emotionally, physically, psychologically. I have been a pastor long enough to know there are people I have pastored over the years who have walking, talking PTSD. They never went to war, but they dealt with some warish stuff right in their lives, right here in America, right in their homes and in their families.

PTSD is not about soldiers. It's about hurt people who need to have somebody acknowledge and properly address what they went through. If you'd like more information about Destined for Victory or how to request our special offer as you give your best gift this month, be sure to stop by our website, pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net. As long as you keep asking God what if, he can't take you to what's next.

Here's Pastor Paul. Move forward because there are new things. There are other things ahead of you. And so you want to live a life that's purpose driven. God's purpose is for my life, move on.

Therefore, I'm not going to get stuck in the what was. I'm going to by faith believe for what is yet to come. That's tomorrow and Pastor Paul's message, properly addressing pain and loss. Until then, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory. .