God uses people to help you. We all have blind spots.
Somebody's got to help you see what you don't see. It's like a driver, and there are spots on the road the driver can't see by virtue of his or her vantage point, but another passenger can see. The words of a friend are like a surgeon's scalpel. When they cut you, they're trying to cure you. Hello and welcome to Destined for Victory featuring Pastor Paul Shepard.
Well, we all need a fresh perspective from time to time, and when we do, it's important to have someone, or a small group of someones, we can trust. Today you'll hear about the qualities of a good friend and counselor. Whether you confide in a spouse, a pastor, a parent, or a friend, make sure they have at least a few of these traits. Remember, visit pastorpaul.net, where you can hear any recent Destined for Victory message on demand, including today's. That's pastorpaul.net.
Now, let's listen closely to Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message. Can't we all just get along? There are things you don't do, there are things you don't say, there are places you don't go simply by virtue of your address and your last name. Had nothing to do with how you feel, what you think, what your friends do. You, some of us know, old-fashioned parents would take a text on you, you fooled with them.
They start preaching. You think I brought you in this world to see you act like a fool? Don't fool with a mama. One of those old-fashioned mamas. They tell me, I went down to death's door to bring you in this world.
Like to lost my life trying to get you here. You think I went through all of that pain and trouble to just stand by while you act like some wolves raised you? You must be out. And so you gotta make up in your mind it's unpopular, but oh well. Oh well, I preach like this all the time.
I know it's unpopular. I got all these modern pop psychology people who just say, oh, there goes Pastor Trippin again. Oh, well. Ha ha ha! Don't like it, turn it off, because I'm gonna still be telling this truth.
We are ruining a generation in the name of love. People need appropriate love. But there's a difference between manipulating people out of guilt or shame, which is not God's plan. or control And doing what the Bible here says. is appropriate.
Rebuke them openly. Tell them, here's what you need to know.
Now that's the way the body of Christ gets along.
So it's not like you can't express differences and disagreements and debates, and it's not like you can't tell people hard truths. But we must learn to avoid arrogance. In the process, don't let anyone control you but the Holy Spirit. If somebody speaks to you or tells you something, and unless you do it, they want nothing else to do with you, and it's a non-essential matter, then you know this is not a healthy person in your life. And you cut them loose in Jesus' name.
I love you, but I'm not hanging out with you because everybody around you has to do exactly what you want, or you are going to be miserable and make them miserable. And I don't know about you, but I have enough misery in my own life. You know, I don't need folk bringing it with them. Into my life.
So you speak your mind, speak your heart. And then, if the person doesn't see it, you pray for them. That's how your marriage will get better. Tell your spouse what's on your mind, tell them when you're upset about something, and hope you get a hearing. With some spouses who are learning to do it God's way, they're learning how to listen.
Others will just turn you off.
So, if you get turned off, or if you get a hearing, but then they don't do anything about what they heard, you have two choices: you can get bitter. Or you can get better by saying, Okay, Lord. I said it, I spoke it, it's out there. You haven't called me to reiterate it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
So, Lord, give me the grace to love them and move on. That's what you do. See, some folks don't want that kind of grace. That's all right, God. I don't want that kind of grace.
I'm gonna get my point across. Oh no no no, you are not ignoring me. If you want to grow, there's a right way for us to deal with one another. There's an appropriate accountability. And we've got to learn to exercise godly influence while avoiding fleshly.
manipulation. But believe me when I tell you, before I move to the next point, you do need people to help you in your life. God uses people to help you. Not to control you, not to manipulate you, not to shame you, but to help you. We all have blind spots.
Somebody's got to help you see. What you don't see. It's like a driver. And there are spots on the road the driver can't see by virtue of his or her vantage point. But another passenger can see.
And can tell you, don't go into that lane. It's dangerous.
Now, if the driver has any sense, that's okay, thank you. But if you're like, I know I'm the one with the, you see me sitting up here, don't you? All right, go on and wreck your life. See, appreciate the people God's brought into your life. Appreciate them.
Singles, when your friends are trying to tell you that you are about to make a big mistake with this person you're hung up on. Listen to them. At least evaluate it. You may end up disagreeing with them, but give them a hearing. If they've proven to be friends, they haven't stopped being friends, they're not jealous because you have somebody.
They're trying to keep you from ruining your life. Because sometimes they can see, because you know, when you're in love, or at least in infatuation. You are blind to things everybody else sees. You ever had that happen? You ever seen that happen?
Everybody around them sees, except them. And so, friends, that's your job. To say, I know you're in love, I know you feel strongly. But there are some things we need to consider here. We endorse pre-engagement counseling in our ministry.
Because we learn to get to them before that ring goes on the finger. Before they start flashing it around and picking dates and Picking out invitations and all that stuff. Oh, by then they don't hear you. When you show up, we want counseling. When's your wedding?
Six weeks away. No, that's not counseling. It's too late. Not too late for you all to make a personal decision, but for somebody to try to speak hard truth into your life. Too far gone.
So, what we learned to do years ago was to offer pre-engagement. When folk are first starting to think about, I wonder if we're meant for each other, that's the time to come on in there. And sit down and talk to somebody who loves you but who is in love with neither one of you. And I have had as a pastor and the other pastors on our staff who now do it, we've all had the experience of having to look at some folk. You know, some you can confirm.
Oh boy, this is great. It looks like you all have really covered the right basis and this looks like a solid relationship. But there have been some other folk where I just sat there and just. Said, this is not going to work. I love y'all, but this, you need to go somewhere and rethink this.
And here are the reasons why. and spell it right out and they leave disillusioned. I don't know, I don't see why the pastor doesn't see that our love will just make a way. He doesn't know the power of our love.
Sometimes we just, we're so connected. We finish each other's sentences. We know what each other are going to say before we ever say it. Our love. It's so strong.
He doesn't need a job. Our love. I'm gonna tell you you can't eat love. Love doesn't pay bills. The number one reason in America for families breaking up, it's financial trouble.
And things like that. We just Just trying to share truth.
Some folks hear it, some don't. But there are appropriate ways to influence. without manipulation. And so we've got to learn the difference. But you need people in your life.
There's no question but that you need attorneys to help keep you legal. In certain situations in your life, there's no question but that you need accountants or financial consultants to help you stay liquid. At certain points in your life, there's no question but that you need a physician to help you stay healthy.
So, why would there be any question as to you needing people to help you stay spiritual? Of course, you need other people in your life. Who can help you walk with God? But they must do it in an appropriate way and not allow our differences. to create division.
What is one more important aspect of what Paul says here in Romans 14, and it is the fourth point, which is this: accommodate those who are weak. whenever necessary. Accommodate those who are weak whenever necessary.
Now here's the point Paul makes. Paul says We've got to learn to avoid arrogance. And we've got to learn that sometimes people have a weak. Faith.
Now, weakness in this context would be accurately defined as one whose faith in Christ is shaped. and influenced By your actions, or example. One whose faith in Christ, whose walk with Christ, is shaped by and influenced by your actions or example. There are some people who will only know how to walk with God as they view your life. And in this context, Paul calls them the weak.
Believer.
Some whose faith is weak, he says. There are some people who you've got to limit your freedoms just to make sure that you don't create a stumbling block for their lives.
Now, that would be an easy principle to understand as soon as you apply it in a family situation. Parents can have a certain freedom that they cannot afford to exercise around their children. And not because they're hypocrites, it's because they've got to look out. For their children their children don't have the same context to be able to see you exercise that freedom and understand it. Don't go away, we have more of today's Destined for Victory message coming up next.
We want to thank all of you, though, who support Destined for Victory with your prayers and financial support, gifts that help us keep this media ministry going. And if you'd like to join us in our mission to preach timeless truth for a victorious life, please consider making a safe and secure donation at our website, pastorpaul.net, or give us a call at 855-339-5500. That's 855-339-5500. All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. That's 1 Corinthians 10:23.
And this is the second half of today's Destined for Victory message. Can't we all just get along? Here's Pastor Paul. And so, parents who are wise Keep certain things away out of the view and purview of their children. And that's smart.
It's not being a hypocrite. That's being a smart parent. They can't know everything, they can't see everything. I just believe in totally exposing them. You're going to totally confuse them.
You're going to totally send them to the psychiatrist. They can't handle some things. A pre-teen can't understand some things. A teen can't understand some things. You remember your teens?
You thought you knew everything, knew very little. And so you've got to. As a parent, as a responsible person, You've got to decide, I must limit certain freedoms. I've got to make sure that I don't use my freedoms. To place a stumbling block in someone else's way.
And that's the point Paul is making here. And so here is the plea: he's saying. You who have these differences at the Church of Rome, don't Flaunted in the face of people who really can't deal with that. He said instead, restrict your freedom. to help others.
Now, the principle that then applies to all of us is that the strong have got to learn. To bear the infirmities of the weak. Look at chapter 15, verse 1. Paul says, We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. There are times when you've got to go out of your way.
to help Strengthen the Faith of your brothers and sisters in Christ. And so you have to learn how to accommodate. the weakness of other people. You've got to learn not to. Say, well, this is just the way I live my life, and if you don't like it, it's just too bad.
No, instead we have to learn To accommodate their weakness. And if their weakness means that there are certain things I can't do in their presence. It's a freedom for me, but it will create a problem for them.
So out of love and respect for them, I will refrain. That's what Paul says is the right thing. to do. He says, don't take what is good in your life. But Expose it to another person who will see it as evil.
And so instead, you take your strength and use it responsibly. when it comes to people who are weak.
Now again, this is not to be a point of manipulation. You don't go around manipulating people and saying, well, I don't understand how you could do that and be a Christian, and so you need to stop doing that because I don't understand it. No, that doesn't mean you're weak.
Sometimes that just means you're bullheaded.
Sometimes it just means you're narrow minded. Don't let people manipulate you. I remember when I was a teenager, there was one of the ladies in the church who, when I was a teenager, afros were the thing in black. uh church and black culture and so I had a I had a big old Afro. I mean, you know, I plaid it up at night.
Had those braids and you put that Afro sheen in there.
Some folk know what I'm talking about. Others don't. Don't worry about it. You'll be all right. And.
And you braid it at night, and then in the morning, you take the Afro pick and you pick it out. And you'd have a nice Basketball Afro. That's what I had as a teen. I got pictures of it and what have you, just out there, man. And just, you know, you could do some serious dating and macking with that.
But.
So I got saved, a lot of my friends got saved, and we had these Afros.
Well, we had some old mothers in the church. Who were raised in an era where it was a shame for men to wear long hair. And so they didn't like us with these long hairstyles one little bit. And I'll never forget one of the ladies came up to me one day in church and she said, You know, your hair offends me. And here she was at one of the old saints.
And I'm a young teenage Christian. And she's telling me my hair offends her. And I need to cut it. And I went to my dad, who was my pastor. And said, Mother so-and-so said that my hair offends her.
Do I have to cut my hair to be A Christian? And he said no. I said, well, would you talk to her then, please? Because the truth is, I was the one weak in faith. And for her to impose that on me.
At that point in my life, I don't know. I think I would have stayed with the Lord, but I may have been so confused. And I said, well, now if this is Christianity, I don't want anything to do with it. If old folk get to just walk around and tell me what to do. I thought I loved I loved Jesus.
I'm not sure about these people. And I could have been a messed up brother. The pastor said, Don't worry about it, I'll talk to him. And he had a little meeting with him, with some of the older saints outside of our presence, very wise. He didn't want to dress them down in front of us.
Well, young folks say, That's right. Yeah, get them. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? You have to learn to deal with the sensitivities.
And he got them alone, and I'm sure now that I'm a pastor, and all, I know exactly the kind of meeting he conducted because I've had to conduct those kinds in my own ministry. Where you get people in closed quarters and you tell them what they need to know without embarrassing them among other people. And then he would get with us young folk and say, Now, y'all learn to respect the older saints. And when they say something to you you don't like, be respectful and don't flip them off and tell them, get out of my face. And in that way, we had balance, and a younger generation of Christians and an older generation were able to get along together.
And that's what we've got to learn to do in the body. of Jesus Christ.
So the bottom line is you have to learn to become what I call a world-class Christian. You have to learn. that there is a broad scope in the body of Christ. And that if we will practice principles of loving one another, of accepting one another, of allowing for honest differences of opinion, of avoiding arrogance and accommodating weakness, we can get along and we can walk together. There's power in agreement.
Peter and John learned that in Acts chapter 3. Peter and John walking together to the temple at the hour of prayer. And they saw a man who was laid there at the gate. He was lame from birth. And he laid there to ask alms, ask money of people.
Peter and John looked at him and said, We don't have money, we don't have silver and gold. But in the name of Jesus Christ, rise. Take up your bed and walk. And they had the power not only of those supernatural gifts the Holy Spirit had given them to be able to speak words of healing, but it came out of the power of their unity. Peter and John were.
Temperamentally, you would consider them natural enemies. Peter was a fisherman. He was a robust person. He was the kind of man who said everything he thought. When you read Peter in the Gospels, Peter didn't leave anything unsaid.
Now, right, you study the gospel. Peter's always, and then Peter said. He's always speaking up. He was the one who told Jesus when he was about to be arrested. He told him he knew it was getting thick.
And he told Jesus, listen, I don't know why you pick some of these people. It's getting thick. Obviously, they're about to get you. And you pick some of the wrong folks because these people are not going to stand with you. When the deal goes down, they're going to leave you.
See you you picked in the wrong order. You should have picked me first Then I could have helped you pick the right crew. You've been rolling with the wrong crew. These folk are about to show you that they can't stand by, but I got good news, Jesus. You did pick me, and I'm gonna stand with you till the end.
Didn't Peter say it? If everyone else forsakes you, I'm gonna be with you till the end. Just bragging. That was Peter. John was a very different temperament.
John was a very affectionate person. You know, his masculinity wasn't questionable. Nothing like that, but he was just temperamental. He was very affectionate. He was in touch with his.
Inner feelings. John knew who he was. He was a man, but he was in touch. He was all right. And he was so comfortable, he would lay on Jesus.
One story in the Gospels, you see him laying, the Bible says they were reclined at a meal where they would lay on their side and kind of dine and what have you. And the Bible says that John was leaning on Jesus. He was comfortable. And Jesus was opportunity to come on because he let him. But you know, the Peters.
Well look at that. Just a different you know, different temperament. A Peter type sees something like that, says, hey, hey. Yo man, why don't you tell him to get up? Here we are already 13 guys hanging out together.
Bad enough, we are all hanging out together.
Now, this guy is gonna lay on you. It's bad for business, Jesus. Why don't you tell him to get up? That's the attitude the Peters would have. Temperamentally, they were enemies.
And in a worldly setting without Christ, they would never, their lives would never be joined. But Christ has the power to bring us all together at the foot of the cross. And actually, the Peters need the Johns. Because Peters are so busy being macho, and I can do this, and I can do that, and I worry about it. They better get out of my faith.
Back up. And they need somebody to help them. Paul's need Barnabas's, and Barnabas's need Paul's. We need one another. And so the Holy Spirit brought these two unlikely brothers together.
In Christian unity, and there they are going together to pray. I'm sure Peter and John know not to have certain discussions. Like there's some things we just can't talk about. But we can pray and we can seek first the kingdom. And we can walk in unity.
And they had such power with God and such unity between them. That God was pleased to use them to heal this man that day. And I want to tell you: God will do wonderful works through the church today if we will make the commitment to be bigger than our differences and our preferences. To accommodate others, to say, I don't like your style of music. But oh well, I'm going to support you.
I wish this happened and that happened in the church. I wish things would be more suited to me. But as long as the gospel is being preached and God is at work, my heart says amen, and I'm going to support what God is doing. Um And I want to tell you something. We will see.
God does amazing things in our day if we'll learn to get along in the kingdom of God. If you take nothing else away from today's message, let it be this. We need one another. None of us can accomplish the will of God for our lives on our own. You know that same truth applies to ministries like Destined for Victory.
We could not exist without the faithful prayers and financial support of listening friends and partners like you. you're a big reason why we can share the hope we have in Christ with people all over the world. We hope you'll consider sending a generous gift to day. When you do, we've got a great new resource to share with you as our way of saying thanks. You know, when you come to faith in Christ, you are immediately made right with God, and it's because of this new relationship that believers have access to peace, joy, hope, even during life's most difficult seasons.
To learn more about the access to blessings you have in Christ, I hope you'll contact us today and request your copy of our latest booklet, Access Granted. That's Access Granted, a great resource based in Romans chapter 5, and our gift to you today for your generous donation to Destined for Victory. You can give by phone by calling 855-339-5500. One more time, that's 855-339-5500. Or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online.
And you can mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538.
Soon as you got here, you were already wrong because the Bible says we were born in sin, we were shaped in iniquity. We were born with the image of Adam stamped on us, which is an image of death. That's next time in our message: Access Granted. Until then, remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.
In Christ, you are destined for victory.
