Hello and welcome to another great day here on Destined for Victory where we feature the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard. Coming your way in just a few moments, we move ahead in our teaching series, Straight Talk for Singles. But before we get going, I want to share part of a conversation I had with Pastor Paul. We were talking about the power of partnership, people working together to reach a common goal.
So I asked him what he would say to you, our listening friends and partners, and here's what he said. I want them to know your partnership is very, very important and necessary. When you think about it, starting way back, I'm thinking about Moses. He could not have been Moses without the partners God gave him. God raised up Joshua.
The Bible called Joshua Moses' minister before it called him God's minister. And Joshua was one of those key people. Aaron, his brother, was one of his key partners. Every man or woman of God since then, all the way into, of course, when you get to the ministry of Jesus, Jesus himself required partnership. Isn't that amazing that the God man needed partners?
He took Peter, James, and John farther into the garden of Gethsemane. And he said, just stay here and watch with me. And he cried and poured out his heart to get ready for that moment when he would lay down his life for us. And he needed that partnership. He had Peter, James, and John.
He also had Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Then when you look at the apostles, there is no Paul without Timothy, without Silas, without Barnabas. And on and on, all of us need partners.
So the bottom line is, I'm so grateful for every man, woman, boy, and girl who has become a partner for our ministry so you can keep on providing this platform so that we can reach even more people for the Lord Jesus Christ. Pastor Paul always made it clear that he wanted Destin for Victory to continue after his preaching days were over.
So today your partnership with us is more important than it has ever been, as we seek to build upon the strong legacy of faith he left behind. For as little as twenty dollars a month you can become a Destined for Victory partner to day. And when you do we'll send a few thank you gifts your way, including one of our most popular C D's, The Best of Let My People Smile. Call eight five five three three nine five five zero zero and learn more about becoming a Destined for Victory partner. Make your pledge right there over the phone, or mail your gift to Destined for Victory, PO Box seventeen sixty seven, Fremont, Calif., nine four five three eight.
You can also become our partner from our website, Pastor Paul.net.
Now if you can't become a partner but would like to send a generous gift to the ministry today, we'd love to send you our latest booklet, Grown Up Faith. For more information on this outstanding resource, please stop by Pastor Paul.net. There are some people who don't care what God thinks, people who don't care about what the Bible teaches. And if that's the case, you're going to be hard pressed as a child of God to spend quality time in a dating relationship with someone who, by their lifestyle, opposes your values. When it comes to dating, there are three important questions every Christian should ask.
Why should I date? Who should I date? And how should I date? For the next couple of days here on Destined for Victory, featuring Pastor Paul, we'll take you straight to the Word of God to give you candid answers to these and other questions. Let's get started now with Destin for Victory's Message, Straight Talk About Dating.
I want to ask and answer three questions. The first is why should I date? The second will be Who should I date? And the third will be. How should I date?
So let me walk with you through answers to those three questions. The first is. Why should I date? Here's what I want to encourage you to do. I want to encourage every single person.
who is dating or who wants to get into dating at some point. to decide If you're dating, To find a marriage partner. Or if you're dating Because you just want somebody to hang out with.
Some folk? Are dating because You Want to trade in your S for an M. You know, you fill out those forms and they get to marital status. And some of y'all a little tired of putting S down. And you ready to trade that in for M?
Nothing wrong with it. The Bible is clear. You are free to have that desire. It's an honorable desire, nothing wrong with it at all. If that's why you're dating, because you want to find your life partner.
That's great, but that demands a certain focus and a certain style. of dating. If, on the other hand, you're one of those folk who say, I'm really not looking to get married. In the foreseeable future, if at all. I just want somebody to hang out with sometimes.
Some of you would say, I'm tired of going to these movies by myself. or with my same gender Platonic friends. I'm ready to go and I just want to be With somebody of the opposite sex whose company I can enjoy. I'm tired of buying popcorn, and my hand is the only one in there digging out the popcorn during the movie. I want to buy the bigger-size popcorn where there's somebody else reaching in, and we both eating popcorn and drinking our little drink and watching the movie and commenting along the way.
And then, after the movie, we maybe go out to dessert and talk through the movie and what you liked and what you didn't like. And that's what I'm looking to do, Pastor. I'm not trying to get married, but I am trying to get myself some companionship for social events.
Sometimes there's a concert I want to go to. I don't want to go and yell by myself. I want a yelling partner, whatever the case might be. That's fine. But if all you're looking for is a hangout partner, that demands a certain style and a certain approach.
Whereas those seeking A marriage partner. Want to take a different approach. Here's what I mean. I mean, If I want to date someone just to hang out, And I find a good hangout partner. They're fun, we're compatible, they like the same kind of movies, same kind of concerts, whatever, same go out to the amusement park, whatever it is, and we enjoy hanging out with each other.
And you think this would be someone you would like to regularly invite out for various things. After you've gone out a couple of times and you want that pattern to continue, here's the way I want to encourage you. To Fulfill the principle we saw in 1 Corinthians 10. What's that principle? It is: don't look out for yourself, look out for the other person.
So here's what I want to ask you to do. If you know you want to spend Multiple dates with a particular individual make sure He or she knows that for you, this is about hanging out. This is not about Anything deeper. It is loving. to do that.
You don't want to leave this person. Assuming something. that you don't intend. That wouldn't be kind. to them.
See all you doing is hanging out And having fun, going to the movies, going to the ball game, going to concerts, going to events. You're hanging out and you're enjoying yourself, but you don't know. They may be seeing how your last name goes with their first name. I'm trying to help you now. And that's a miscommunication that you don't want to be going on.
Because at the end of the day, the person you're dating Is your brother or sister in Christ? And you don't want to mislead them. You don't want them going down a path and misunderstanding everything you do. And all you're doing is saying, Hey, we both drove our own cars and we went to the movie or whatever, and now we're driving home separately. And you say something like, You know, text me when you get home.
I don't make sure you get home okay. All you mean is you want to make sure they get home okay. And they driving home saying, see that? I knew it. This is what I've been asking God for: somebody who would take care of me and protect me and watch over me.
And this is an answer to prayer. Lord, I thank you. And they're driving home, thanking God. Do you see what I'm saying? There is miscommunication going on, and you need to clear it up.
Now, I'm not talking the first time you go out with somebody. I'm saying if there's someone you believe, you want to have multiple... hangouts with.
Somewhere along the second or third date, and you want that pattern to continue, you need to be making clear. I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I really appreciate hanging out with you, it's a lot of fun. But I just want to make sure you know I'm really not looking for anything more serious. It's not because I'm being a player or anything, I just really am not dating with, for instance, marriage partnership in mind.
And I just want to make sure, I don't want to mislead you because I really like you and I enjoy your company, and I just want to make sure we're together. That's an appropriate thing to do. when you have a pattern that you want to see continue and you don't know where their head is. Because you don't want somebody falling for you. And you could Yeah.
Set the record straight.
Now, again, I'm not talking about the first day. I'm not talking about you show up, you've never taken this person out, and the first time you show up, you said, Now look. Let's get one thing straight now. No, you tripping now. When you're enjoying it and you'd like to see this pattern continue.
Make sure They know where you're coming from. That's a good way. to seek the good Paul said of others. On the other hand, if you are looking for a marriage partner, And yeah, you might do some dating, go to the movie or go to whatever, but what you're really doing is checking them out to see if they are potentially a marriage partner. That's a different thing because you're now dating with a particular purpose in mind.
And I'm going to tell you as I answer these other two questions how you ought to pursue that. But if you're on the casual tip, Just hanging out. Then you want to make sure you're not going to disturb your brother or sister in Christ through miscommunication.
So that's a little bit about why you should date. Get it in your mind ahead of time, know where you're going before. Your head there. That's just what we do in life, period. I mean, none of y'all get in your car.
Turn it on, and somebody leans in the window and says, Hey, where are you going? And you don't say, I don't know. Of course, we know. That's why I got in the car. There's somewhere I want to go.
So if that's the way you drive, that certainly ought to be the way you date. Why are you going out with me? You ought to know. You ought to know 'cause you just wanna hang out 'cause you just want a movie partner, a popcorn partner, or whatever, or You know, just wanted to get to know you. If you're wanting to get to know somebody because you're wondering if there is a potential for partnership, that's a different approach altogether.
Now, let's talk about who should I date. Who should I date? I want to give you three. Points in answering this question. Who should I date?
Here's the first. Resolve to date only those who share Your values. Resolve to date only those who share. Your values. If you are a person who is saved by grace and now You are in a Bible-believing, Bible-teaching church, and you're serious about being a follower of Jesus Christ.
That is going to lead you. to develop and live out certain values. Jesus said in Matthew 6, 33, but seek ye first. His kingdom and his righteousness. And all these things will be given to you as well.
That's what every child of God is called to do. is to get into a lifestyle of seeking first The kingdom of God. What does that mean? Seeking first what matters to God. Seeking first what the will of God is.
Seeking first what pleases God. The kingdom, when the Bible talks about the kingdom of God, it's talking about the sphere where God is in charge.
Now, of course, He is in charge of the entire universe, but when you talk about the kingdom, it means those who are living under His control, who desire to do His will. Seek first to please God. Seek first to honor God. Seek first to do the will of God. That is what we're all called to do.
And if in fact that is your Value that you're developing in your life, and you should be, then that is going to. Put you into a place where you will find it very difficult. to spend quality time with people who by the way they live, they oppose that value. There are some people who don't care what God thinks. There are people who don't care about what the Bible teaches.
There are people who don't care what the will of God is. They live for themselves. They live to please themselves, not God. They live to do what is comfortable, not what is right. They are driven by their own flesh, not by the Spirit.
And if that's the case, you're going to be hard pressed as a child of God to spend quality time in a dating relationship with someone who, by their lifestyle, opposes your values. It's just the way it is. It's not that, oh, the Bible says you can't date an unbeliever. No, the Bible doesn't say you can't date an unbeliever. Because I said, it doesn't give you any specific directives about the topic of dating.
But by the principle You need to understand that if you have one set of values and they're driven by the will of God, you're going to find it difficult. You're going to find constant clashes when you try to spend quality time with somebody in a dating relationship and they don't care what the will of God is.
So, you care about what the Bible teaches, and they only care about how they feel, you're going to run into problems. And some of you have tried it, and you know. You just run into problems. And it's not a hard, fast rule, you can't do it. It's just that at a certain point, you realize this is hard to live out.
This is hard to pull off. I know when I was a single man, I didn't date only Christian women. There were times when I dated some non-Christian women. And I ran into it and I found out this, this is not easy.
Well, of course it's not easy because you have one set of values and they have another. I had someone have to break up with me. One of the non-Christian girls I dated had to stop dating me. We weren't going together, so I shouldn't call it breakup. But we were dating, and she had to say at a certain point, you know what, I can't keep doing this.
She said, I know you're a Christian, and you know, I respect your faith. She said, I'm not a Christian. Maybe one day I will be, but right now I don't see that in my future. And she said, I know. You will never marry me because I know what your values are.
She said, and I like you a lot, and I just, this doesn't make sense. for me to keep hanging out with with you, and I know there's no future here. She had to tell me that. You know, I should have been able to have the foresight myself. But I'm still trying to fit this square peg into the round hole.
Let's see if we can figure out how to make this work. And she had to have The fortitude to say, hey, I like you too much. You're not going to drive me crazy. And she did. Left my life, changed her phone number.
Bam, it's over. You know, for a minute, my ego was like, what?
So, some of y'all are trying to do that right now, and I'm here to tell you it's not going to work. Two sets of values. Not gonna work.
Now, you who are married and you married an unbeliever, Stick with them. That's yours. The Bible is clear about that. You don't trade a man because you suddenly got saved. The Bible says, if any man be in Christ, he's a new creature, that means he can have a new partner.
No. New creation. In old marriage, But you let your light shine. You love your spouse now from a different perspective. And God can bless your marriage.
How many know? There are some people in here who could tell you. When we got married, one or both of us wasn't saved. Wasn't walking in the word.
Now that I'm in the word, I found that the word can help me manage my relationship better.
So stick with them. That's yours. You don't get to trade them in. But you who are single, you shouldn't. think that this would work because there's a values conflict.
There's a values conflict. 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14. It says, do not be yoked together with unbelievers. Talking to single people. In the case of dating, and it's talking to all of us in the case of entering into covenant.
with a person Who doesn't share our values? I personally wouldn't even go into certain business ventures. Certain business ventures, there could be some exceptions depending on the nature of it, but there's certain business ventures I personally would not enter into with an unbeliever. If there's a possibility that in this particular business endeavor, we're going to run into a values conflict. Because I'm not compromising mine.
For the sake of business. And if you're going to stick to your guns, then sooner or later we're going to have a real big problem, and we're co-owners of a business.
So that's the principle. It says, don't yoke yourself in some sort of covenant. Marriage would be that type of covenant with unbelievers. Why? Because what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
Or what fellowship can light have? with darkness. See, the Bible is just trying to help you see. There are certain things that just don't work. In the ideal setting.
So you want to be very careful. Resolve to date only those who share, number one, your values. Secondly, resolve to date only those who share your view of marriage. Your view of marriage. Not every marriage partnership comes from the same perspective.
Not every marriage partnership comes from the same perspective. Even in the kingdom of God, there are different types of marriages. Let me tell you what I mean. Let's look in the early church days. Most of the apostles were married men.
You know why you never hear anything about their wives? Because their wives were very much in the background. The foreground for them was fulfilling this call that Jesus Christ had placed on their lives, which was to go into the world.
So most of the apostles were busy doing what Jesus left them on earth to do. They were married. And no doubt their calling was to take care of their wives, but they didn't allow marriage to be.
Somewhere at the center of the way they did ministry. First Corinthians chapter 9, verse 5. Shows you what I'm talking about. Paul says, Don't we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord's brothers, and Cephas, who is Peter? Look at the way he described that.
Paul was making the case that we as apostles have certain liberties, but he was making the case in 1 Corinthians 9: there are certain liberties, although I can do it, I choose not to do it. And in making that case, he says, I have the right to take a believing wife along with me, just like the other apostles and the Lord's brothers and Peter. He said, I can do what they're doing. What were they doing? They were taking along a wife, baby.
We're going to Philippi. We're going to preach the gospel there. Come on. And their wife said, Okay, and she's off to Philippi. Because their lives are driven by his calling.
And it's calling us to move about. And it says, Talk to take along a wife. You can see that's a certain sort of. It doesn't mean they were disrespected women, it just means that they had. had a marriage partnership concept.
Where it's like my husband's calling drives this, and I just kind of go along. Not every marriage, every Christian marriage is like that. Let me show you another example from the early church, Acts chapter 18. Verses 24 through 26. It says, Meanwhile, a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus.
He was a learned man with a thorough knowledge of the scriptures. Verse 25. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and he spoke with great fervor and taught. about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John.
Next verse says, He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God. more adequately.
Now, let me tell you what happened in that passage. That passage tells us about a man named Apollos, who later became a very significant leader in the early church. It tells us about his early stages of spiritual development. He loved the Lord, he was saved. And he was a good preacher, but he didn't know a whole lot.
He knew about Jesus, and the Bible says there, he preached accurately what he knew, but he only knew about Jesus from the perspective of the baptism of John. He didn't know how Jesus taught us to baptize in the name of Christ for the remission of people's sins. He didn't know how to disciple people into the further things that the apostles knew because they spent time with the Lord. He didn't have that information.
So look at another marriage. We're told in that passage about a married couple, Priscilla and Aquila. Who did not go around evangelizing? They didn't have the call to go off and do a lot. They ministered mainly from a home base.
And when they heard Apollos, they said, This young man, God really wants to do something special. He's a great speaker, but he needs to learn some more.
So they invited him to their home and they began to disciple him. Here's why I'm pointing this out: because it says Priscilla and Aquila. Her name is first. She was especially gifted in the area of teaching and discipling. She did it in full accord with her husband.
But it was Priscilla An aquila. If you are a single person, and you hook up with a certain type of gifted woman. Do not add Ask her. to step back. With her gifts just to serve your ego well.
If you are a believer in Christ, you've been given certain spiritual gifts.
So has your spouse. Encourage one another to use those gifts to the glory of God without resentment or jealousy. Together, you can do so much more than you could ever do alone. We're so glad you stopped by for today's Destined for Victory message: straight talk about dating. To find out more about Destined for Victory's mission and purpose, or about the special gift reserved for you when you give generously today, please come see us at pastorpaul.net.
That's pastorpaul.net.
So, not everybody has the same view of marriage. You want a traditional marriage where the wife is in the background and you always in the foreground? You can't marry everybody. Because some sisters don't belong way back deep in the background. That's tomorrow in our continuing Destined for Victory message straight talk about dating.
But until then, remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.
