Is Marriage in My Future?

Is marriage in my future? There are.

Some people I know, some of my colleagues in ministry, and I've heard a number of them answer this question by saying yes. If you are open and available to marriage. God has promised that He is going to give you a marriage partner. God calls some people to remain single. The Apostle Paul comes to mind, but what about everybody else?

Hello, and thanks for being here for today's Destined for Victory, where we feature the preaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard. Today, we begin an in-depth look at God's design for marriage. What are the guidelines for sexual intimacy? What does it mean to have the gift of singleness? And for those who don't, as God promised that they'll one day be married.

Answers come your way next as we kick off our teaching series, Straight Talk for Singles. Online, you'll find us at pastorpaul.net. Or you can listen to any of our recent messages on demand, including today's. That's pastorpaul.net. down.

Here's Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message, is marriage my future? All of you have singles who are either your sons, daughters, your siblings, your close friends, your associates at work or in the community, people in the church that you have fellowship with who are single, in your small group, in a ministry group, whatever it is. Even if you're married, you know a bunch of single folk. And you need to be able to gain this information so that you, in your own sphere of influence, can share. truth with them and help.

Them.

So, for all of those reasons, I'm asking everybody to stay engaged with me as I walk through. This series of straight talk to singles.

Now I want to kick off the series. By saying we're going to be covering a lot of ground along the way.

So. Don't think one message is kind of going to be the theme throughout the series. Each message will focus on different aspects of the things I need the singles to know. We're going to cover a lot of important ground. For instance, I'm going to Talk about some of the advice in Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

I know it's a very popular book. And a lot of single women have read it. A lot of single men have gotten mad at Steve over it. And so there's been a lot of discussion about it. One of the things I'll do along the way is to examine some of the Advice that Steve gives in that book, and I want to give a response to some of the things.

He says, I also want to talk. About dating practices and procedures and values.

So, we'll talk about dating in the lives of singles. I want to talk about sexual temptation and how to deal with it. I want to talk about priorities that ought to be in your life, whether you remain single or whether you get married. There are some priorities that singles ought to have. in their lives.

That we're going to cover along the way. Just stay with us, be prayerful. and be patient and at the end of this I think we will find it beneficial.

Now in this kickoff message, I want to examine the question, is marriage in your future? That's a question on the hearts of many. single men and women. in the church. Has God spoken about Marriage in my future.

Is that Inevitable, for instance, a lot of singles want to know: is this something God has promised will take place? in my life. Because there are a lot of singles, frankly, who are handling singleness. With a great deal of dignity and success, but they don't want to keep that marital status. There are a lot of singles who put down the S when they're filling out various applications and get the marital status.

They put down the S, but they like to trade in that S. And be able to put down an M. And so many are asking, is marriage in my future.

Well, I want to give you my answer. To this question. As a man of God, as one who studies the word, as one who shepherds the people of God. I want to give you. My answer to this question, and I want to walk you through some specific points in the process of exploring This question.

Is marriage in my future? Here's The Pastor Paul answer. If you're open to and available for it, Marriage may be In your future. If you're open to and available for it, marriage may be. In your Future.

Notice What I did not say, I didn't say if you're open to and available for it, marriage is. in your future.

Now, by saying what I said, I have distinguished myself from some other pastors, teachers, and Christian authors. Who are on the record about the subject? There are Some people I know, some of my colleagues in ministry, people that I highly regard As men and women of God, as authors, and what have you, their answer is different from mine. I've heard a number of them answer this question by saying, yes, if you. are open and available to marriage.

God has promised that He is going to give you A marriage partner. I respect the people who hold that position. But I respectfully disagree with them on that position. And I want to tell you why I disagree. and make sure that you have heard me fully.

on this subject. Because it's important. I'm a pastor and I care about the flock. I don't want to tell people that I believe God has promised you something, and I really don't believe He has.

So even though I know many would love to believe that it is guaranteed for every single who doesn't have What these authors and pastors who share this position I just mentioned, they say: if you don't have the gift of singleness, Then God has promised that He's going to give you A partner. I don't believe that. If I did believe it, I'd gladly say it, because that's what a lot of y'all want to hear. You want to know, hey, there's a guarantee. It's only a matter of time.

My hookup is on the way. If I could say that to you, I promise I would say that to you. But as a man who has to answer to God, I cannot say that to you in all good conscience. What I can say is, it may be. In your future.

And that's why it'll be important for us to walk through this entire series.

So if it is in your future, we have discussed all the important things. But. Let me tell you why. I have a counterposition to the one that some of my colleagues share. Those who believe in the idea of guaranteed marriage.

Do so because they believe that the only people who really are supposed to remain single are people who have. a quote unquote gift of singleness. And they say, if you don't have the gift, then you're supposed to get married and God's going, hook you up. He's going to be eHarmony on high, and he is going to... He's going to hook you up.

Let's examine that. presumed thought. Because I believe that it is not a scriptural teaching. that God has guaranteed you. A spouse.

So I want to examine this passage that they often refer to as proof. That You're going to get married unless you have the gift of singleness. Go with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 1. Seven And the verse I want to focus on is actually verse 7, but in order to get there, I want to walk you through the context, which is verses 1 through 6.

So go with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and I want to start. With the context. Let's look at verse 1.

Now, the Apostle Paul. wrote the book of 1 Corinthians. He is the founder of the church at Corinth. And as their spiritual father, They had written him about some questions they had. And Paul's whole letter of 1 Corinthians is largely a letter that answers questions.

That's why he jumps from one theme to another, because he is systematically answering questions that were presented to him In advance, so when he gets to this section of the letter, Paul is answering. A question related to sexual relations. We know that from verse 1 of 1 Corinthians 7. He says, Now, for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. Most brothers are not gonna say amen.

to that statement. Most of us are like, I don't know what Paul was talking about. But that was Paul's position. It is good. For a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.

Now, because he says, for the matters you wrote about, we know that. This particular question that he's now answering had to do with sexual relations among believers. That's clear. Look at verse 2. He says, but since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband.

Paul's right there. Paul's saying. It'd be good if y'all would just cut all that out. He said, but because there's sexual immorality going on. Notice that sexual immorality, sexual temptation, people being caught up in the snare of all of that is nothing new.

He's talking in the first century of the church's existence. He said, sexual immorality is occurring. Here in the 21st century, it's still occurring because it's always occurred. And he says, because it is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman. With her own husband.

What is he talking about? He is talking about the fact he's reminding that church that God has ordained that sexual expression with another person should only happen in one context. What is that context? context of holy matrimony between one man and one woman. By the way, while I'm here, I just need to remind you, because of the day in which we live, this is God's definition of marriage.

God is the one who established the institution of marriage. We didn't create marriage, God did.

So, when our nation now is working hard to redefine marriage, that's unfortunate, but that's them. It is not God. God is not going along with the majority on any position. God is sovereign. I say that because I'm there and I just got to mention it along the way.

It's not a hobby horse. I'm not going to talk about it every Sunday. But when I reach a passage where I got to remind you, here is what God says marriage is, I'm going to do it. I'm a Bible preacher. I'm not a preacher who worries about popularity.

If they have a popularity poll for pastors, I'm not participating. I don't care how popular I am or am not. What I care about is the ability to answer to God, who's the one who called me to preach. Still ahead, the second half of today's Destined for Victory message, featuring the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard. In case you didn't know, we archive all of our recent messages, including today's at pastorpaul.net.

That's pastorpaul.net. When you come see us, I hope you'll visit our online store for some great resources that will help you grow in Christ, including books and DVD messages from Pastor Paul. What does a godly marriage look like? We'll explore that answer next in the rest of today's Destined for Victory message is Marriage My Future. Let's get you there now.

One day I got to give an account. If I understand my responsibility as a pastor in the kingdom of God, if I understand the Bible correctly, before I receive my eternal reward, the Lord is going to examine me at the point of my leadership. And if I got to give an answer to God for how I lead his people. Trust me, I'm not going to be worried about what you think. I've got to be concerned about what he thinks.

I gotta say what he said. From this pulpit, you will never hear another definition of marriage other than the one I just gave you. You'll never hear it from me or anybody I put in this pulpit. Because we are Bible preachers and teachers. And it's going to sound stranger and stranger to you because our nation has just decided that really God's word is just what people think, and we can change it and ignore it at will.

We can move second base at will and still say we're safe when we land on the new spot. It's not true. And at the end of time, we're going to find out it's not true. Because the Bible says heaven and earth will pass away, but not one word of God's will ever be removed. And so I just need you to know I'm a Bible preacher.

You can get mad, leave whenever you want. If you ever come back, I'm going to still be preaching the same book. And if you ever hear me give another definition other than what this passage and others say in the Bible, you will then know that the devil got a hold of me. I got compromised somewhere along the way. And that you are free to get up and go find yourself a Bible church that'll get your soul saved and get you ready for eternity.

But I promise you, as the Lord is my helper, I'm going to stay true to His word. Let's stay true to this word.

So that's the definition of marriage right there. And he says: each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, each woman with her own husband. Verse 3. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

So he's still talking about sexual relations between a man and a woman, and he's saying this is the only context where it's supposed to occur. He said, a husband should fulfill his, he calls it his marital duty to his wife, and the wife to her husband. Husband, verse 4. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband the same way the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields to his wife.

Now, let's look at those two verses. He calls it marital duty. Sexual relations in the context of marriage, he calls it marital duty. What's he implying? He's implying that there's only one context for legitimate sexual relations with another being, and that is when you are married, one man to one woman in that context.

And he says it is your responsibility to bless them sexually. Because that's part of your covenant. Hook 'em up. Write the hand your Bible. Hook him up.

He calls it marital duty. I love King James because King James says the husband should render due benevolence. To the wife. I love that King James language. And the wife should render due benevolence.

When we first got married, when we were newly weds, I said, baby, it's time for some due benevolence. Come in from work sometime. This Dew Benevolence Day, boy. I feel it in my bones. This is Dew Benevolence Day.

It's part of what you do. What is he implying? He's implying That if you're going to be in the will of God in this matter of sexuality. He says, then, according to God's plan for our lives, we are to get 100% of our supply of that commodity. From that one person with whom we are in matrimonial covenant.

If you've ever come short of that standard? Repent. And turn toward God and get it right. Because that truth is never going to change. He said, You're supposed to get your whole supply.

from that one store. And you're not supposed to say, well, this store doesn't have the hours that I. Trying to help y'all. I don't like this store, the hours.

So, this Lowe's isn't working. I'm going over to Home Depot. You're not supposed to do that in the will of God. Everybody hear me? Again, there's grace available for those who have fallen short, but grace is not irresponsibility.

Grace means God will allow you to repent, but he also expects you to return to his will. And get it right.

So he's simply saying it's a marital duty. And then I love verse 4 because he says: you don't have authority over your own body when you're married. You are the yield that to your spouse. I like that language. Yield it.

You know why? Because sexual relations in a marriage is never supposed to be sexual coercion. He says, yield. You know what that means? That means you voluntarily.

Say I love you. I'ma hook you up. I'm going to be playing in this series, as you can see. No future in frontin'. Ain't like y'all live G lives anyway, so I might as well He need to be preaching G rated.

Y'all don't live G rated I'm a go R when I gotta go R, go X when I gotta go X. You tighten up if you want. A children in here, they know more than you. Get out of here.

So he says, a wife. Doesn't have authority over her body, she should yield it. Her husband, her husband doesn't have authority over his own body, he should yield it. Yielding, not coercion. God doesn't endorse rape in marriage.

I said, you don't rape 'em just because you're married. You don't coerce them just because you're married. You don't manipulate just because you're married. You don't use it as a weapon. You don't say, all right, you're not cooperating where the shop is closed.

Trying to help you now. Verse five. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. See, his theme is very solid.

He's talking about sexuality and matters of self-control. And in this verse, he's simply saying, even if married people want a time to set apart from sexual relations with each other because they want to devote it to purely spiritual pursuits, say you want to go on a fast for three days or seven days or something, and you just want to be just you and God, and you don't want to have to deal with the typical marital duty. He says, if that's the case, get permission. Don't run the God card up on your spouse. The Lord told me to go on the fast, and you just have to wait.

That's just because God. You're out of order. Don't blame that on God. You can't touch me till God has finished ministering in my spirit. I've been passing a long time.

I've had people try to run that game. I've had folk do that to one another. And the other spouse will dime them out. They come and say, Pastor, here's what she just said. Is that biblical?

So let me tell you all y'all right now, so your spouse doesn't have to come running up to me. No, that's not biblical. You just found it out. It's got to be by mutual consent. If you want to go on a fast where you don't have the distraction of normal marital relations, he says, get permission first.

Because First of all, you don't have to fast from that. Y'all look so surprised. I just just trying to be real with you. The Bible doesn't say when you go on a fast, you've got to abstain from that. Culturally, there were many people accustomed to that in Bible days, less so now.

Folk, these days, you pretty much know I can, I can. Do this right on through the fast, but just to make it clear, you don't have to abstain.

So, if you want to, because you want to be totally focused. On that he says, get permission so that Satan doesn't tempt. You for lack of self-control. Verse 6. I say this as a concession, not as a command.

So, Paul is saying, This advice I'm giving you is just my way of trying to help you stay on track in doing the will of God. With that backdrop, he gets us to verse 7, which is the one I want to focus on. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God. One has this gift, another has that.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the only verse where people find what they call the gift of singleness. There it is.

Now, what was the context? We clearly saw the context was Paul was talking about how to handle sexual matters and matters of self-control. Clearly, that's his context. And in that context, he says, I wish all of y'all were like me. He says, but each of you have your own gift.

One has this, another has that.

So then, what is the gift he's talking about? The gift is not so much the marital status itself of singleness, although it certainly involves that. The gift he's talking about is The ability to live without the distraction of the sexual temptation. Thanks so much for being here with us for today's Destined for Victory. We'll pick it up right here next time, and our continuing message is: Marriage, My Future.

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Use the contact feature at the top of our homepage, pastorpaul.net, and share your prayer request with us. That's pastorpaul.net. There was a Christian author who wrote a book saying: If you are 30 and unmarried, it's your fault. Kristen Arthur. There's a Greek word for that, bologna.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say if you're 30 and unmarried, it's your fault. That's tomorrow and our message is Marriage My Future? But until then, remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.