Absurd Truth: Moo Moo Moo

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

Today, we're going to be fighting this this whole time. It was in Jupiter, Florida, where a man took his wife, young kids, and friends out on the river, and they ended up getting handcuffed. Their kids were crying.

Florida Fish and Wildlife took them into custody. They said they were boating under the influence. Testing later found that he was totally sober. He didn't drink. He doesn't do drugs. In fact, he doesn't drink because he's, like, apparently a devout Christian. And he owns a Christian private equity company, and he's a church elder.

And so he's a hardcore, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he negative for absolutely everything. And he's one of the multiple cases over the last few years involving these boaters who say that they were arrested because, you know, the guys are apparently a little aggressive and people get nervous and you know, they ended up having having to fight these cases. That's crazy. I think there needs to be a lawsuit filed for that you're going to have to make a very expensive lesson out of somebody in order to stop that kind of stuff.

That's what's going to have to happen, unfortunately. This, let's see, boy, this man telling about them gators, he survived a gator attack like a full blown gator attack. Thanks to his neighbors, Southwest Florida man, this was in North Naples.

And he says, he was because it took him five paragraphs to get into the story because the people here suck. Naples Daily News said the guy saw this alligator. He wasn't really watching, but it came from nowhere. It's mouth open bit down on his right leg wouldn't let go. It attacked him for several minutes. The neighbors saw they went out to fight off the gator and ended up saving his life.

And so he was thinking, you know, his neighbors, but you got to be if you're working around any body of water in Florida, including a tiny little puddle, giant gators gonna fly out of that puddle. You just gotta I don't like their mouths. I got just it's so weird. It's like pale chicken inside there. It's just gross.

I don't like them. A Florida man injured a great and endangered great white heron at a state park. He harmed it.

It was a Bill Bragg State Park in Key Biscayne 34 year old Edgar Valenzuela. He wounded an endangered species because he was throwing rocks at it. So can I throw rocks at him?

I would totally do that for free. giant rocks. I just throw right at him. And he was fishing in the park. He got mad because the heron was trying to get at his bait. And so he threw rocks at the bird and really hurt it. So they had to get Florida Fish and Wildlife involved.

So I'm not reading this headline that you have at the bottom. I'm so glad that we're at a time. Are you sure Cain?

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It is the PR 57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in five seven. Innovation performance Kel-Tec, K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com tell them Dana sent you. Recently, a new client called me and started by saying, Mr. Morgan, I really need your help, but I'm just a nobody. Those words stunned me and I immediately called him back. And we're now helping him and his family after a terrible accident. I'm John Morgan of Morgan & Morgan. Everybody who comes to our firm at their time of need is a somebody.

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Injured? Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you. Now, I'm going to be quick because I want to send a message to somebody. Why are you talking like Chris Walker? Take your musty millions and musty Moscow rights to the moon. Because if you don't, we're going to stand up. We're going to speak out. We're going to march. We're going to do anything we need to do to make sure that the people of this country understand that the CFPB is for them. You get your musty hands off of our money.

Or go to Moscow. You musty moo-moo-moo. What is even that?

That's Emmanuel Cleaver out of Kansas City. I like to pride myself on insults. And yet, I wouldn't be offended.

I'd be like, I'm sorry, what a...wait, this is how it's described in my audio rundown. Quote, go to Moscow, you musty moo-moo-moo. Sums it up. What is even that? Is there...I'm afraid to Google it, Kane. Third hour, Dana Lash with you.

Third hour, Dana Lash with you. He is a case study in progressive lunacy. And so he's trying to get everybody mad at Elon.

What is the musty Moscow hands? He just likes the alliteration. Or not so much the alliteration, the consonants. I'm trying to...he just likes the consonants of it. I'm trying to understand his point. He's not taking anybody's anything.

He's saving them money, us money. Oh, man, I didn't really want to talk about what I was telling you on break. You know, about the Facebook stuff, Kane?

How can I do this delicately? Oh, it's taken everything I have. We got drama.

That's a good question. I mean, you're professional. You do professional lady radio. Yeah, it's professional lady radio.

Let me just set it out. So everybody knows some people. Some of you are related, some of you are not. And they get on Facebook, and they feel like that's the place where they can just totally run their mouth about every conspiracy theory possible. So there was a person that is amongst my very loose association that I only saw because they had tagged a friend of mine in the rant, where they were literally accusing. And actually, they cited something that, not it wasn't a cleaver, it was Warren had said. And they were accusing Elon Musk of literally taking, and that was their phrase, literally taking Elon Musk's I was their phrase, literally taking my social security check. I felt like I was watching a South Park episode where Stan stands up and he's like, they took our jobs. And you know, he's going, and Elon Musk literally took my social security check. And I'm like, literally took it? Like he physically, with his hands in DC, stole your check.

Yeah, where do you put it? Who took it before he got there? Why don't you just have all your money? And why is the government have it in the first place? They're talking to the crazies because they want the crazies to help them convince the people in the middle that somehow someone's stealing. If the government doesn't get to steal it, then that means someone's stealing it and it's not them. So it's theft. Does that make sense?

Like, I mean, all cleavers out there going, and we're not stealing this, you musty moo moo moo. What the hell? Is he drunk? You know what he wanted to say?

I got a theory. He wanted to see him Jackson it. He wanted to see him. Can you, sorry, Juan, can you just play that like end of that again?

If you, if you look at it through the perspective of Emmanuel, cleaver really wanted to go full Sam Jackson. You know what I mean? Uh, say what again?

Uh, then, then it makes sense. Watch Elon, take your millions and musty Moscow rights to the moon. Because if you don't, we're going to stand up, we're going to speak out, we're going to march, we're going to do anything we need to do to make sure that the people of this country understand that the CFPB is for them. You get your musty hands off of our money.

I turned into the Monty Python meme. He wanted to say, you know, it, Emmanuel cleaver wanted to drop an MF Jackson. Prove me wrong.

Prove me wrong. See, does it make sense now? You know, he is thinking about it. He's thinking in his head. Oh, but I'm standing in front of this lady pretending to be a priest.

Oh, maybe I shouldn't. You, he made, I thought for a minute, I'm like, I'm sorry, what? What are you going to say?

Disappointed. He's like, and then he realizes, wait a minute, I got to start the yelling. Is it really a Democrat speech if they're not yelling and trying to scare you? Right. I mean, you just can't get out there.

And then he like looks around like he just walked out of a boxing ring. You absolute clown. What a clown show. Look at all these fools out there with their stupid signs. If the government can't steal the money, then someone's stealing it. And if it's not us, then it's theft. I love the stay strong sign back there.

Yeah, stay strong for what? Protect that fraud. Where for fraud? Go fraud. We're pro fraud. It's the pro fraud party. I can't even talk. The pro fraud party is what it is. But why did he just like out of nowhere starts yelling and flailing?

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I grew up poor, but my grandmother was like a queen to us. At Morgan & Morgan, our goal is to level the playing field for you and your family at your time of need. The insurance company has unlimited money and resources. You need a firm who can fight them toe to toe. For right at 30 years, we have fought them in courtrooms throughout America. Our results speak for themselves.

And always remember this, everybody is a somebody and nobody is a nobody. Visit forthepeople.com to learn about our firm. Morgan & Morgan, for the people.

Injured, visit forthepeople.com for an office near you. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So University of South Australia researchers have found that Minecraft plays a significant role in shaping children's development, social interactions and cognitive learning. Now, there's some issues with the company that does it.

It's been getting super ridiculously woke, unfortunately. And that's incredibly sad because it is an amazing homeschool tool. It really is an amazing homeschool tool. And I also learned a lot about geology, I gotta say.

So I love it and hate it all at the same time, right? It's really, I don't know. Also, I gotta get to this one immediately. Texas game wardens bust a dude who used a porta potty that he converted into a deer blind. The warden said he was charged and they removed the stand from the property.

It's like a plastic porta potty. And the guy like spray painted it gray and black and green to hide it. And it was yeah, it was in Henderson County in East Texas. And they were investigating because apparently they couldn't find the guy for the I'm gonna break your phone. They couldn't find the guy. He converted this porta potty and I guess he moved it out, you know. So they set up a camera on the property line. And then first day of your season, he showed up and it showed him they, you know, got a stand in and he admitted that he was hunting, I guess without permission or whatever. So he was charged and removed the blind from the property. It's actually a brilliant idea.

I gotta say I'm kind of sad I ever thought about myself. A Sydney restaurant owner was told to censor her profanity laced fortune cookies after a factory mix up the wrong restaurant got the rude ones. So she was going to get regular ones. And but apparently this Vietnamese restaurant got ones that were really offensive.

And customers were like opening the cookies and it was really they were like really nasty stuff. So she was like, you know, she told the company it was their error. They got to make it right.

They're fighting over it. For all the criticism that Trump gets for having an outsized personality, or looking like a bully. That's the guy you want to sit down across that you want sitting across from Putin. The left mistakes Trump's perception of Putin, I think, because they think that Trump admires other strong dudes. And they view by by holding that belief they view Putin as being a strong dude whether they want to admit it or not.

I don't think he's a strong dude. I'm explaining to you the leftist perception. They by way of and they've promoted this idea before that, that Trump somehow admires Putin. That's a presupposition based on the premise that strength admire strength. So Trump views Putin as a strong dude. I don't think that he does. Furthermore, I don't think that they demonstrate an understanding of Trump.

Trump is not. He can recognize someone who has a strong personality. But he wants to be number one, no matter in anything, no matter what, where he is, and he's very, very competitive. Those types of personalities don't look at other similar personalities and find them favorable. He will compete with you and he'll bully you back.

He'll like, you know, he'll go with you. You've seen that with some of the primary stuff. So this idea that he would be cowed by Putin is really stupid. And it demonstrates a complete lack of understanding as it relates to his character.

I think he kind of thinks he's a student. Also Putin's very short. How tall is he? Isn't he like, for a man, he's like short for a dude. Isn't he like my height? Hang on, let's Google this. Putin's height.

I gotta look at this. They say five five? Oh, he's five seven.

I was right. Dude, he's my height. I am as tall as he is. I'm five seven. I'm five seven. OK, five, six and three quarters, but whatever. I'm five seven. He is my height. You know, Kim Jong Un is five two.

That's what they that's from the week. But yeah, he is officially Putin is officially five. It's an article called Vladimir Putin and the rise of the short kings. He is five foot seven inches. So that's a little bit diminutive for a dude, right?

What's it like average? So he's not a tall guy. Trump is a ginormous. Trump is huge. He's like, what, six four, six five. He is a I don't think people appreciate how tall he is. He's he's very big boned. He's very tall. Six three. Oh, he's taller than six three. I'm sorry.

No way, dude. He's got to be taller. When I met him, I came up to his armpits. There's no way I'm up to that dude's armpits. Like when he because he's done like a side thing, a side hug at one event. When he shook my hand, my hand like disappeared into his hand.

And I'm like Jiminy Christmas. Like the first time I met him in person when I introduced him at CPAC, I was shocked at how tall he was. Don Jr. is kind of tall, too. But I think that senior is actually taller. Baron wins that. Oh, Baron's taller than all of them. Baron's like eight foot seven.

He's like huge. Anyway, my whole point in bringing that out is one of the things that Trump does LBJ did. I'm not like casting LBJ in a positive light. L. Lindenbird Johnson, Lyndon Baines Johnson, thinking of Lady Bird. He was six four. So he was about as tall as Trump is.

And one of the things that LBJ would do when he was like trying to convince lawmakers to vote. I read this biography of him. He was notorious. He was jackass, absolute jackass. LBJ was just rude. He was a bully, not a nice guy. Didn't like Kennedy. He was not a nice dude.

I mean, there's a whole thing there. But one of the things that he did to other lawmakers is he would use his height as a weapon. So when he would talk to people, one of his biographers would note that he would step right up to them where his toe would like be touching their toes or their shoes, and he would get right into their space and even, you know, push his shoulders forward. So he's like looming over them as a way to intimidate them. He would do that to everybody. When he would shake people's hands, he would use, even with women, on like he would really try to like whip your hand.

You know, there's that weird when you shake someone's hand for the first time and it's like a competition to see who has the strongest handshake and it's just douchey. He was like purposely mean, but he was notorious for that stuff. He would like march over if he was displeased with someone and he was going to confront them, he would march right over to him and use his height and do all that. Trump is not like a jack wagon like LBJ was in that sense, but he absolutely does use his height in those matters. There's one photo of him where he was meeting with Putin. I think this was his first term, like maybe like the end of his first year or in the second year.

And it was a quick photo where they did like the customary greetings. Juan's showing you a picture of LBJ. That's the stuff he did. That's literally the stuff he did.

People would back away from him. And Trump was shaking Putin's hand and he was doing kind of the same thing, like looming over him and really standing up straight, unnaturally so, and using his height to his advantage because Putin's a short dude. There's a photo of Putin walking with Tony Blair and Tony Blair looks like three heads taller than Putin. And Russian media, they're very, very sensitive to this stuff. So whenever Russia controls it, they're always very, very careful not to have anybody look taller or manlier than Putin.

So when they can't control it, it's a weird thing for them. So anyway, my whole point is that he sidelines Zelensky because I think Zelensky is dead weight with us. He really is.

They're not able to do anything. Zelensky is not a negotiator. I mean, this guy's just as much of a tyrant. He is. You can be like, well, he's less of a tyrant than whatever.

He's still, they shut down churches, they shut down media, they go after people that criticize their government. If you disagree with their whatever, it's just the same thing. It's the same, again, same term, different side. So this, I think it's, it probably gets wrapped up faster without, without him involved. But they've already been saying that they would be willing to do a land swap.

So I don't know. Well, it's all fascinating stuff that the, this idea of Larry, Vegas Larry says he's 5'7, so he can rule the world. There you go. 5'7 is where it's at.

5'7 Club. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.