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Learn more and apply at toyota.com slash careers. Dana Lashes of Surd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right, so first up, some of these are so inappropriate, it's ridiculous. Let's start. Well, I got one that was for just regular thefts, and then I got a guy who stole a cross. I just feel like that's, if you do that, you're gonna get in trouble with the Lord. Just feels like a guy stole a giant cross from a Pensacola church, and he was caught with it at a Tennessee motel in Sumner County. It was early December, he got caught with it Wednesday night at a Tennessee motel.
Jacob Vanderburg, 31, is facing charges of theft, trespassing, and robbery. He stole it from the St. Paul Catholic Church on Hyde Road, and he said that he was just looking for Jesus. He put the big old cross in his van and took off, and they found him at a Country Inn motel, and they were able to get it back to the church. The church was looking for it. It came off the front of the church, so it wasn't like a little necklace.
It was a big old cross. Of all the things to steal, why? Like, why that one?
I don't know. A Lakeland man was arrested for being a pervert at a playground. Golly, and he looks like one, too. Polk County Sheriff's Office, they arrested this 56-year-old freak in Lakeland. He was at a park having self-time, and he shouldn't have been.
It was bad. Intimate self-time. Intimate self-time? I don't know how else to say it. And in front of full view of kids. And he has two previous convictions for doing the same thing. He was arrested, he's being held in a $10,000 bond, third-degree felon, because he goes to where kids are and does this. What is the argument against just, you know, taking him off of this plane? Where's the argument against that?
I don't see any good ones. So he's going to be ten—if they don't do something about this guy, this guy's going to molest the kid if he hasn't already, honestly. This South Florida man was accused of calling in a bomb threat to the police department. That's a great way to get yourself arrested. He called and hung up at 8.42 in the morning. There's a bomb in your parking lot. They had shut down the whole block, cordoned off for the day, closed the parking garage, evacuated police headquarters. They found no hazards, nothing, and then they reopened everything later that day. They found him, though, in Palm Beach County. He called from a medical facility. They detained him, and they booked him in Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.
I just want to know, like, how—why would you—why you would do that? Did he want to go to jail? Because it's a great way to go to jail. If you want to go to jail, call in a bomb threat to the police.
They'll totally take you to jail. Let's see here. This, um, we've got—oh, yeah, there's this one. This is wild. This is a sad story. A neighbor was taking down his Christmas lights, and he found—he spotted, as he was taking his Christmas lights down, a body in the pond by his house, in a retention pond.
That's so sad. Bradley Sugar, 48, was reported missing January 7, found dead January 12, according to Collier County Sheriff's Office. His mother reported him missing. She said that she got a frantic call from him. He sounded out of breath, but he said he was out of medication. His house was in disarray. They couldn't find him. Five days later, neighbor's taken out Christmas lights and finds him floating in the retention pond. So they think that they're just trying to figure out what happened to him. I mean, good heavens.
It's just so sad, incredibly sad. A Florida driver whose blood level—his alcohol levels, his blood alcohol limit were six times the legal limit. Good night. He was found with tons of—a dozen empty wine bottles strewn across the floor of his car. His blood alcohol content was over six times the legal limit. Wait a minute. If.08 is the limit, six times that is.48, which is almost half?
So half your blood is alcohol? Wow. What? The Haines City Police got a 911 call about an unresponsive driver, and they found him, Miguel Rodriguez, unconscious behind the wheel. Car in gear, engine running, foot on the brake. So they parked their patrol car in front of his so he would lurch into traffic. They couldn't wake him up. They had to break the passenger side window because he had it locked to put the car in park and remove the keys. That's when they found 12 opened and totally consumed bottles of wine. And he was, like, drifting in and out of consciousness. They took him to the hospital.
Yeah, that's where he had—it was more than that..523 cane. What? How do you survive? That's God's work. That's insane.
Just the idea of you surviving is God's work. Oh, my gosh. That's insane.
So he faces one count of DUI. Oh, my. Our partners that help bring you the program, it's our friends over at Kel-Tec.
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I'll be broadcasting at their booth at SHOT Show, too. Visit Kel-TecWeapons.com, and while you're there, take a look at everything that they have, because I could give you my picks. I mean, I like all this stuff, but there's certain things that I absolutely think you have to have, like the KSG, the P-15. You know, the RDB is pretty nice as well. The P-50 is pretty sweet. Some of these are must-have in your Liberty collection. So visit the Kel-Tec website, sign up for the newsletter, check out their social media.
Innovation Performance Kel-Tec, Kel-TecWeapons.com, K-E-L-T-E-C Weapons.com, tell them Dana sent you. If you like true crime, you'll love the Miracle Files podcast. We share real stories with the suspense of true crime, but we'll leave you with a sense of light and hope. Like the college wrestler who fought a grizzly, the woman who was dead for nearly an hour, or the child lost in a dark mine for days. These are the kind of stories that remind us miracles are real. Subscribe to The Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles. Justin Trudeau announces he will resign as prime minister of Canada. Republicans get off to a very smart start in the new Congress, and the left loses its mind as Trump talks about acquiring Greenland, the Panama Canal, and even Canada.
I'm Greg Kourambas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the 3 Martini Lunch podcast. We'll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're telling me I did not miss a Democrat actually asking a question about war fighting?
I actually have audio from Crazy Hirono. She just recently… Did she ask a question about war fighting? Ooh, we can hear it and you can… You can't… really? You can determine if that's what she was asking about. Alright, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Play this.
Play this nightmare. As Secretary of Defense, you will swear an oath to the Constitution and not an oath to any man, woman, or president. Correct? Senator, on multiple occasions, including as a young second lieutenant, I have sworn an oath to the Constitution and I'm proud to do so.
Yes, ma'am. In June of 2020, then President Trump directed former Secretary of Defense Mark Esper to shoot protesters in the legs in downtown D.C. An order Secretary Esper refused to comply with. Would you carry out such an order from President Trump? Senator, I was in the Washington, D.C. National Guard unit that was in Lafayette Square during those events holding a riot shield on behalf of my country. Would you carry out an order to shoot protesters in the legs as directed to Secretary Esper?
I saw 50 secret service agents get injured by rioters trying to jump over the fence, set a church on fire, and destroy a statue. You know what? That sounds to me that you will comply with such an order.
You will shoot protesters in the in the leg. OK. Oh, my gosh. First off, dear God, please put a hand over my mouth because I'm not going to be able to get to the show without Steve burning through the dump button.
It's just not going to happen today. I am so this this is how the question is going. And by the way, if you're just joining us, welcome.
Dana Lash, top of the first hour. These are how the questions are going. So if Donald Trump told you to go and shoot baby puppy dogs in the head, would you go do that?
Would you take out that order? Like, what's the context here? Like, are are they vicious baby puppy dogs? Are they mutants? Are they rabid?
Do they pose a threat? Yeah. Like, what's what's the context here to your crazy ass question? You crazy ass woman.
What is the context here? So if Trump asks you to eat the world's hottest pepper, would you do it? I mean, like, these are how stupid these questions are. Would you eat a ghost pepper for Trump?
Would you pick hard stuff? Would you eat a ghost pepper, Trump? I just can't even take it seriously. If I don't laugh at it, I'm going to scream.
So you will you will indulge me. These are how their questions are going. And then what was. There were like three. Oh, gosh, I'm trying to think. Who is the other?
Oh, I don't know. Old, white and Democrat. That's like the whole party I could, you know, with a posture of a cocktail shrimp. That's still the whole party. Crusty old. Still the whole party, you know.
Where they have like the skin texture of a Kat and D crackling where it's like that, right? I think Senator Gillibrand might have been one of them you were thinking of. She's not the old man who basically was like, how how many times do you beat your wife? But she hurt. Her rant was insane. So imagine you're, you know, going in for your sex deaf hearing. Here's Kirsten Gillibrand losing her mind.
What is she freaking out about? Oh, the women and the gays. Go ahead. Soundbite 11 D for a million. I don't even know. I don't even know what the hell soundbite it is. I just know we have it because there's like two pages of audio. It's twenty seven.
I think it's twenty seven. So women, you have denigrated. You have also denigrated members of the LGBTQ community.
Did you know that when Don't Ask, Don't Tell was in place, we lost so many crucial personnel, over a thousand in mission critical areas? Who did that? OK, stop, stop, stop. I'm not going to get there. Wait, stop.
We're going to have to be. Who did it? Who did it?
Sorry, I just made your dogs deaf. Who did it? It rhymes with the closed minnow cigar under the desk. Schmill Benton rhymes rhymes with that name. Who did Don't Ask, Don't Tell. It's Bill Clinton.
What is the party affiliation of one Bill Clinton, Kane party affiliation of one Bill Clinton, Democrat, Democrat, you don't say. Oh. What? OK, go ahead, let it go.
It's going to be a day. Oh, then when Don't Ask, Don't Tell was in place, we lost so many crucial personnel, over a thousand in mission critical areas. We lost 10 percent of all our foreign language speakers because of a political policy. You said you don't want politics in the DOD.
Everything you've said in these public statements is politics. I don't want women. I don't want moms.
What's wrong with a mom, by the way? Once you have babies, you therefore are no longer able to be lethal. I mean, you're basically saying women, after they have children, can't ever serve in the military in a combat role. It's like making up stuff to put in his mouth at this point. It's a silly thing to say.
I mean, you can you can. Yeah, he didn't say it. He totally didn't say it. Why do you hate women? Why did you say women are stupid and I hate them and they're not allowed? Like, well, I didn't say that.
Why did you say it? He just has to sit there and listen to this. Dear heavens, I would never make it through this process.
I would be bitch slapping everybody and hauled off in jail. There's no way I could. No way. I mean, at Parkland, I prayed for like two hours straight to that event. I don't think that there's the I don't think the flight's that long from Dallas to D.C. I wouldn't be able to go through that confirmation press.
Not a long enough time for the Lord to firmly for me to pray for the Lord to firmly put a hand over my mouth. Good night. Can you imagine you show up and this is what they're they're just making up stuff and attributing it to you. Now, look, look, I'm not a blind tribalist. I am a practical Machiavellian. That's how I look at that's how I would describe my politics.
A practical Machiavellian who wants to be left alone. That's me. And yes, there's things you can criticize for. I think that, you know, you this is where living in a social media world and going for clicks can work against you because everybody has to be flashy all the time. And then when you are considering a position where you have to be measured and discerning and look like the steady hand of control, then those two realities meet and it's you have to reconcile them. And that's a tough thing to do. That said, if you're going to go after the guy for something, make it for something he actually, I don't know, said.
I don't know. I mean, they're trying to they're asking whether or not this guy is competent enough to run DOD. Can I remind you about the twink that they had literally as the deputy nuclear what he was the deputy nuclear twink. And he stole ladies suitcases, ran the hell around the country, stealing women's bags right and left. If you were missing a bag at any point in the last few years, I'll be damn Sam Benton probably stole your luggage and he's out there wearing your panties right now. I'm just saying they had that twink running around, stealing everybody's luggage. And that man had a security clearance. That man was the deputy nuclear twink. Okay. Or if I were saying it in a Texas way, nuclear nuclear twink, by the way, sidebar, new band name, nuclear twinks. And it's like a Scissor Sisters cover band, a very, very flashy Elton John, early Elton John.
But yet conservative gay dudes. How about that? Okay. Gosh, I already had the costumes in my head. So I have more audio.
How are we doing this today? Because oh my gosh, there's like other stuff that I have to get. I can't man. I would be escorted out. There's no I couldn't even sit there. Couldn't even sit there for this.
So with Hegseth and again, I haven't heard a single question from a single Democrat about war fighting. What do I care how you have sex in war? Can you shoot a dude between the eyes if he's a Terry? Can you?
I default to my position on terrorism, by the way, is the key and peel skit on it. If you wanted to know what that is when they're on the plane. It's one of the funniest skits I've ever seen in my life. I can't I've seen it a million times. I can't play it because they'll find us. But it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. And I would probably freak them out if I were sitting next to them talking about my preparedness on a plane.
And they wouldn't be able I wouldn't be like the scaredy they were talking to. But that's my you know, what? Why do we care?
So and so likes Lisa Frank stickers. Should that be allowed? Shut up. What does this have to do with war fighting? Well, blah, blah, blah.
The case. What does that have to do with war fighting? Can you do a Mozambique two in the head, one in the chest? Can you do it? Yes. No. Well, I don't know.
I the whole thing is frustrating. This is about war fighting. This is about the fighting force. There are no feelings in this. It is very, very clinical because there are objectives to accomplish.
And when you don't do your mission right, people die. It is serious. And they're sitting here messing around with identity politics in a hearing asking questions about, well, if someone wants to pretend that their penis is a vagina, should they I don't know, are they mentally stable enough to pop a terrorist? Are they I mean, are they is it possible for them to give that much of themselves and serve their country without having to put how they have sex or whether or not they like to tuck as like their priority? I mean, do we really have to sit here and consider special badges for them?
A Tucker? Like, do we have to do that? I'm at you know why it sounds absurd?
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Visit Dana likes gold dot com. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five.
All right. Up to four in 10 people could develop dementia after age of fifty five. That's kind of terrifying.
It's higher than historically normal, say the doctor folk. So they said, here's what you can do to lower your risk. And that's when I just stop caring. I'm like, yeah, whatever.
Is anybody actually going to do any of this stuff? They're like, what you do in midlife really matters. OK. And they're like, it's not only Alzheimer's, you know, and they they get into blah, blah, blah. They make you read the whole article before they go, OK, here are some risk things you can do, blah, blah, blah. Like they actually said one of the things in here was wear a helmet when biking.
I have a story about bicycling, by the way. Mm hmm. I don't know. And they're it's and they're like, exercise is good for exercise is good just generally.
Let's see. Third of Americans say their partner acts like a baby when they're sick. How are so many people soft? When I'm sick, I still show up and I'm real bad. Most vulnerable part of your life is when you're sick. I guess when you're a baby. What if you're sick baby?
That's even worse. I just they said that they did this research and they found that. And they were looking at what's the most common complaints in winter.
And then they said, you know, their partners acting like babies when they're sick. Jeez. I don't know. I have feels about that headline.
It's just seems ignorant. Let's see. A theorist warns humanity is teetering between collapse and advancement. Yes. Does it involve an asteroid?
Some sweet asteroid action. I'm just wondering. Oh, there you go. Oh, here's where I immediately stopped caring about this article. What is the end for humankind? The article states. And you can tell that because I'm reading it in a stupid voice.
Whether it's by a nuclear holocaust or the result of exceeding a critical climate threshold map. And I'm done. Moving on.
Let's see here. Oh, you can't just hang out at Starbucks anymore. You have to order some of their burnt bean water in order to continue being there.
Coffee chain has reversed the policy that allowed open access to its cafes because they're trying to improve store environments. I don't go into Starbucks. I don't I don't like their coffee. And I think that the what is it?
What's the one? Not the peppermint mocha pumpkin spice. It tastes like turkey water.
I don't like it. I used to like the pink peppermint spices or the peppermint thing. It tastes like diabetes. The pink drink was good for a little bit.
What the hell is that even? What? You've had that before.
I don't have that estrogen swill. You have. It's been a long time. I have not had no pink drink, sir. I haven't had it in a long time, but I remember when I did have it. It was good.
It tastes like pink. You're going to tell me next. Anyway, they reverse their policy. That's really the only point of sharing that. Also, a hotel booking site were caught overcharging travelers from the Bay Area. They're from the Bay Area. Don't go there.
You don't have a problem. Facebook has been getting. Look, I get it. Mark Zuckerberg didn't realize how bad the censorship was until he legit got censored on Facebook. And then he was like, what? And now he's there undoing all their fact checking stuff. I get it.
I mean, whatever brings you around. But now all like there's these leftists are upset. And some of the people who got who are on the left who got super upset and were supposed to care. It's the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Where are America? What the hell do those titles mean? Nothing.
Nothing. I love the people who are like, we just want our privacy. But then they're like, Duchess of Sussex.
They have to constantly use that all the time. That that shit cannot go anywhere without being like, well, Duchess of Sussex with everything. So what is it?
The ginger and his D list. Not even a main role on some Canadian drama. I don't even know what it was. What was it called? Briefcases, suitcase.
No, that's it. She was in a game show and then she did a drama. She was the suitcase girl on a game show. And then she did this Canadian drama. I don't do dramas. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I didn't watch it.
Nobody knew it until I mean, her biggest role was pretending that she's in love with this guy, the Prince Harry. Anyway, they released the statement. Tina, why are you being so mean?
Because they released the statement and it's so stupid. I'm not going to read it out loud to you because I've never seen anybody write so much and say so little. I can tell this me again or sorry, Megan, verbal typo, wrote it because it's one of the dumbest things I've read. It has it goes on and on. It's just a bunch of rambly word salad, bad grammar and five star cringe.
That's it. I mean, it's wild. They're upset because. Meta allowing more free speech is going to undermine the free speech, my guys. It's going to undermine it. This is a six. It's going to.
So I'll share with you some. They go, contrary to the company's talking points, allowing more abuse and normalizing head speech serves to silence speech and expression, not foster it. Wait, what? So I love how the left goes. If your speech isn't what I want, then it's hate speech. They consider hate speech, hate speech to be things that disagree with them. Like if they go, the best color is blue and you go, I really like green. That's hate speech.
Duchess of Sussex. That's what they do. So the they're upset over Metta. They're upset and they say they write millions of people are using Metta's platforms in the United States.
Hundreds of millions more are using them globally. Wait, full stop. What? What?
We didn't know that, Cain. We would have known it if the Duchess of Sussex hadn't put it in a statement. What?
They had many. This is so this. Why even waste the energy to put these dumb sentences in a statement? Many use the platform to spread joy and build community and share empowering information. Unfortunately, Metta's recent decision go directly against its stated mission to build human connection and instead prioritize those using the platform to spread hate and lies and division at the expense of everyone else. The Duchess of Sussex constantly.
First off, I love how, you know, lots of people can use the Metta. They use the Facebook. She sounds like a grandma writing this and I can tell that she wrote it because it's particularly dumb. And then they say, oh, we're alarmed by plans to abandon the commitments. Who cares what you're what do these two grifters do? I agree with this.
Was it the Netflix or Spotify? I don't know. Everybody that they've ever entered into a contract, they never actually develop projects. It's like a half asset. They did this polo thing. Nobody cares.
I'm sorry. Nobody cares about polo. They really don't. It's a rich person sport. I like the horses. I'll pet the horses.
I'll feed one an apple. I don't watch it. I don't watch it.
I'm not going to pretend. They did this thing called polo and after they had their weird documentary and then she has a cooking show coming out where she rips off all everybody else's recipes on Pinterest and she pretends to cook. And all you see is her fidgeting with every single dish that she's expecting people then to eat. It's gross. And our hair is everywhere. It's like tie your damn hair back in the kitchen.
My gosh. I don't know. But why is it that someone that insists on using British titles in the United States is trying to control speech in the United States? We don't have a monarchy here. You guys should have actually stayed in Britain and done the work and been content to be behind the prince and princess over there. But see, they thought that that title, they were upset. They didn't want to have to curtsy to people that don't rank them. They didn't want to have to deal with all of that stuff. So they came over here to try to set up a court in Montecito.
So they don't have no influence. These are people who come up with all these different organizations and they send out statements to make it look like they're doing something but they don't actually do anything. They showed up in Los Angeles.
I mentioned this yesterday. Disaster tourism is what Justine Bateman accurately called it. And reports on the ground said that they stayed for like 17-20 minutes and were gone. So she basically drove two something hours from Montecito to LA to stand around in a ball cap and then take pictures and act like they were doing something. Seriously?
This is so dumb. What have they actually done? Didn't he start a travel company that was supposed to be about green travel and aren't they under now? And their Archwell Foundation because they have to make their filings public because of how they're tax structured. So when they publish their financials, the majority of all the money that's given goes towards people's salaries. They don't do anything. And so they come out with this.
Oh, these are harmful setbacks and blah, blah, blah. This is dumb. No one cares what the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
Nobody cares what these two grifters think about what Facebook is doing. They are so uninfluential. She can't even get a bite. She can't even get an invite to Gail King's birthday party. She couldn't even get an invite to that.
Didn't see him at any of them Golden Globe parties. You know, they were going to go to Hollywood and really shake it up. But you know, no, they can't.
They can't deliver. They said that having worked in this space for the last five years, you didn't work. Those filings also show how much they work for basically a couple hours that they might put in a week. They get six figures or something like that's what the salaries.
That's what the public financials were showing. I mean, it's so lame. The last thing we need are, you know, two trans monarchists trying to tell everybody how to think and what speech is allowed in the United States. Good heavens.
It's so on brand for them. What have they touched that hasn't just turned to feces? Nothing. But this idea that you're demanding censorship for speech translates into more speech is dumb. What they're calling for is censorship. More speech is how you combat bad speech.
You combat bad speech with good speech. But the problem is, is that the left, in order to shut down debate and to secure their rhetorical positions, they just don't allow for debate. They just shut it down because they're too damn lazy to defend their position. They feel like they're too good to defend their position. Like, how dare you challenge them? How dare you make them articulate a reason as to why they support this issue that they support? So instead, because they don't feel like putting in the work, and half of them honestly don't even know why they support what they support, which is why they don't want to debate it.
They don't know. It's a seamster trendy thing to just jump on and support whatever issue. Oh my gosh, all the right popular lefty people are mad at Facebook. I'm going to be mad at Facebook too.
And then you come out with a statement, a dollar short, daily. But they don't know really why they support what they support. And so as a result, they're even more defensive about having to defend it and give reasons as to why they support this position. They think that they don't have to. You do, but they don't. They don't owe you a reason. They just do. But you, you got to prove that you're not hate speech. That's how they do this. I'm done with it. I mean, if they want to get into a battle of like the wits with people on this stuff, they're gonna have a hard time. They're gonna have a really hard time. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lashes, absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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