Absurd Truth: Trump Roasts Everybody

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. That is right. It is time for Florida Man. This is The Dana Show. My name is Craig Collins filling in.

Thrilled to be with you. Let's get right to them. The first one doesn't sound like it's a Florida Man story, but oh, baby, it is. This is an Australian Transportation Minister.

I think he's out of town. He's outside of Melbourne, who is talking about a railway station flood that occurred during an Olivia Rodrigo concert. Again, none of this sounds like it's Florida Man. But don't worry.

We'll get to the Florida Man part of it. Anyway, here is what it sounds like when a guy is reporting on some news and can't handle some of what he thinks is funny about it in what actually happened. They thought at first it was vandalism. It was not vandalism. It is that Metro have reviewed the CCTV footage and it would appear that an amorous couple in a stairwell. This one's a sprinkler.

No, no Melbourne Central Station in a stairwell late at night. Police are investigating. In terms of what the disruption caused by it? Well, those extensive flooding.

There is extensive damage in a stairwell caused by an amorous couple that bumped into a sprinkler. As you guessed it, the people are expected to be from Florida. The suspects in this case, there's been photos released and some people that have responded online. I can't confirm that these people are actually from Florida in the United States, but it appears that that might be the case. So Florida Man can damage things even beyond the world of Florida if he for some reason goes to a Olivia Rodrigo concert and winds up being amorous. I love every part of that story for some reason. That is one Florida story.

There are, of course, more. A Florida man was arrested for threatening utility workers because they weren't turning his power on soon enough. This is something that Kenneth Ray Valesko apparently did that got him arrested on Wednesday. He really, really wanted his power on and he thought the workers were focusing too much on people that are not him. He was pulled over for a traffic stop after this event. And arrested without incident because he was on a whole bunch of cameras. No one was seriously hurt, by the way.

He just threatened a lot of people and made things very awkward the entire time. I don't know if that's a good way to go about getting stuff done. I actually know for a fact it's probably not a good way to go about getting stuff done. If you want people to do you a favor, don't threaten them with harm.

That's probably not going to make anyone more active and while it gets you arrested. And then one final one. I do like this one a lot. A Florida man was caught with a stolen vehicle. He was joyriding it throughout parts of Florida because why not? You got the vehicle.

It's taken. All these things are happening. Pasco County police and a sheriff wound up commenting on the case, though, because it did go viral. A 23-year-old kid named Cody had a monkey in the passenger seat with him. No explanation as to why, but he had a monkey as a pet who was riding shotgun.

He was trying to be some weird version of Speed Racer, I guess. I'm not exactly sure. But nonetheless, when you get pulled over speeding in a stolen vehicle and sit next to you, buckled in, which was nice to do, is a monkey.

You're probably going to be talked about just a little bit. The guy gave no real answer as to why his monkey pet was with him there. And I think that that monkey has now been surrendered to those who might give it to a better home of some kind or a zoo or something. I'm not really sure. I think Florida fish and wildlife officers were involved in this.

No one seriously hurts. Just an idiot doing idiot things in Florida that now is going to have this follow him around for the rest of his life. Cody will apply for his job for a job 20 years from now after whatever time in jail has been served. And he'll still have people find the story of him getting pulled over speeding with a monkey in a stolen car. And that's not going to help him get a job. I don't know why I thought about it that way, but I did.

I can't wait for someone to Google this again and again and again when they meet Cody Hessen. Kel-Tec, the P15 stands for 15 pews approximately. It's a great American company, Florida based company, great success story as well. But Kel-Tec, the P15 doesn't matter if you're new. It doesn't matter if you're new to shooting like Tim Walz or if you're a seasonal pro. It's lightweight and powerful. You don't have to compromise stopping power for concealability. And that's what the P15 delivers. It has two versions. You have a metal frame version and the polymer version. It's a striker fire pistol.

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That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. This is the Dana Show. D-Lash, Dana Lash Radio on X on Twitter. Great ways to stay connected. Direct TV Channel 347.

The first TV. One of many other ways to stay connected to Dana Lash. She's a lot of places because she's very, very famous. All right. I'm filling in. Thrilled to be here.

A bunch of things to talk about. I think I have to talk about the Al Smith dinner last night, not just because of Trump. Trump was uniquely funny. But Jim Gaffigan, who is no fan of Donald Trump, has several, you know, long Twitter X tirades out there about how terrible he is and is currently playing a character on SNL.

I think he's Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live. I haven't seen a whole lot of that. I've seen a little bit of it. Some of it's genuinely actually funny.

Some of it's not all that great. But he's he's a lot of places that you'd think the Democrats would be. And yet he did take shots at Harris not being at the the Al Smith charity event, an event that raises money for Catholic charities in New York City.

That's full of a lot of individuals that probably would vote for Harris and not for Trump. Maybe up until she stiffed him that night. But before I get to I just want to praise him before I get to anything else, I might as well play the top five Trump jokes of the evening, because I do think they're all well done. There's one where he references people who wrote it for him.

I don't even think it's actually in the audio that I have. The meanest one, the one he calls nasty, seems to be one that he didn't himself write, which means maybe he didn't write most of these jokes. I kind of wonder if that joke didn't go over as well as the others did, if potentially he did write some of this material and he just knew to blame somebody else in that moment. I'm not sure. I don't know. But these are genuinely very funny things he said in front of a room that's mostly hostile to him, which even more for anyone that wants to give credit unjustly to Kamala Harris for doing an interview with Fox News.

What this is that I'm about to play took a lot more of you know what? I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. But then I met Tim Walz. Well, I'd better wrap up because Mayor Adams told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick, especially the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas. There's a group called White Dudes for Harris. Have you seen this? White Dudes for Harris.

Anybody know? Are some of you here White Dudes for Harris? Doesn't sound like it. But I'm not worried about them at all because their wives and their wives lovers are all voting for me. Oh, yeah. Hold on.

I want to stop it right there. I got two more that probably are the best jokes of the night. But that joke, the their wives lovers are voting for me shot not only as a popular joke in social media, but it made Jim Gaffigan's wife laugh hard. She thought that was very funny. Sitting right next to the podium where Trump is speaking. I thought that was interesting that the comedian's wife sitting in the group of people that you can see on stage.

I really, really enjoyed a joke that I'm sure a lot of mainstream media would want to attack and tell him he's a horrible person for making such a dirty, awful joke. Continue, sir. Your issue in this race is child care. And Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan. A lot of people don't like it.

The only piece of advice I would have for her and the event that she wins would be not to let her husband dug anywhere near the nanny's. Oh, wow. That's a nasty one. Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum. He looks glum. But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president. These are all genuinely very funny jokes. And in all honesty, anyone who can't see the humor of Donald Trump hates him a lot. Because no matter how much you can dislike a guy, if they say something funny, you should at least acknowledge that it's funny, I would think.

But a lot of people do struggle to do that. As far as Gaffigan goes, and he is a professional comedian, I did somewhat wind up being more surprised by his jokes than by the ones that Trump told, because, again, Gaffigan is no fan of Republicans or typically Trump specifically. And yet I think his humor, if you see it on social media, if it goes viral anywhere, is going to be as harmful to Harris as the decision not to show up was.

But here is one of those moments. Gaffigan has been referred to as the Catholic Met Gala. 22% of Americans identify as Catholic.

Catholics will be a key demographic in every battleground state. I'm sorry, why is Vice President Harris not here? Why isn't she here? I mean, consider this.

This is a room full of Catholics and Jews in New York City. This is a layup for the Democratic nominee. I mean, in her defense, I mean, she did find time to appear on The View, Howard Stern, Colbert and the longtime staple of campaigning, the Call Her Daddy podcast. That's a great joke.

That's an excellent joke, too. Yes, she did take time to show up on the Call Her Daddy podcast. Also, I have her campaign destroyed by Brett Baer on Fox News and not make it to this event in New York, an event that a whole lot of politicians go to all the time. If I were actually to give some sort of serious take on why I don't think you see Harris an event like this, it's actually because I don't think she has that that side in her that you need to have in order to make jokes like this or tolerate jokes like this at your expense. She does seem angrier after Brett Baer's conversation.

I know that's racist to say or sexist to say or something to say. I can't remember which one it is, but she genuinely does not seem very happy with a lot of what's going on. And I think it's really interesting because there's a there's a couple of moments I can kind of point to to demonstrate why I think this is true. One of the most valuable ones is probably just the way that she's handling herself at her own events, because there is some oddness to how some of this is going now. Just the other day, I think that she was at an event in Wisconsin, one of her rallies, and she seemed to take a lot of joy in making fun of some of the people that were trying to interrupt and protest her at her event. You know, this is the kind of behavior that people attack all the time in Trump. But I guess when Harris does it, it's OK.

It's fine. It's something good. But she just seems angrier. Here we go. Donald Trump hand selected three members of the United States Supreme Court with the intention that they would undo the protections of Roe v. Wade.

And they did as he intended. Oh, you guys are at the wrong rally. She is smiling and waving at people that are protesting her about abortion and the difference of opinion they have with abortion rights and kind of thrilled as the crowd turns on these people.

Now, granted, I've seen Trump joke with people that are showing up to protest him at his events. So I'm not saying she can't do this sort of thing. I'm not trying to shame her.

I don't want to think that, although I guess I wouldn't care what you think. But in all honesty, I just thought it was interesting that this type of person is coming out more often now. In today's fast paced world, the mental load on families has become significantly heavier, particularly because everybody navigates new schedules and a lot of responsibilities and with an increasing array of activities and work commitments and school related tasks to manage can often feel like juggling is a constant act. Life 360 makes it easy to keep track of everybody without the constant back and forth.

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That's right. It is time for a quick five. Let's get right into them. Several crazy stories out there in the world. One of them, I thought this was interesting. California police struggled to struggled with, excuse me, an unusable Tesla patrol car after going green. Apparently, some of the cars are dying for reasons they don't know. They've diminished safety standards in the area. Community seems worried.

Also, cars with insanely expensive repair bills if they do break down. Way to go, California. You've now made it so police can't even get around if they need to after vilifying them entirely just a short time ago. So this is great. This is fantastic.

This is going to help you out a lot. Another quick five story. Sir Richard Branson is to pilot the first crewed flight of $125,000 apiece space balloon flights. This is with a cocktail service and Wi-Fi, which I kind of thought was hilarious. Richard Branson, of course, famous for going to space on his own already, doing all kinds of things. But he's going to take a hydrogen balloon with eight passengers, 20 miles above Earth.

They get to hang out with the business tycoon and get drunk. I don't know how drunk you'd get if you were flying in a hot air balloon in space or just barely into space. But I would get very, very drunk. That would be my goal in that moment, because it was already such an expensive trip. I would make it worth it. Darn it.

I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that I get my money's worth. And then also the fact that part of that is just ridiculous, that it exists in our society in which we live. Another thing I saw, billions of gallons of water are needed to refill a lake. This is in Wichita.

The city said that they're really struggling to figure out how to do this on their own. It's twenty five point nine billion gallons of water. I don't think you should do it. It's just me personally, probably not the right answer, probably not the right decision. But I just let it go. I just let that lake not have the amount of water you want to fill it up with, because it does feel weird to leave like the hose in the lake and just wait for it to get to the point where it's gotten to those billions of gallons.

That's a lot of hoses. So I would say move on from that situation. But that's me. I'm sure everybody else is not going to pay attention to that. They're going to tell me for some reason my take is horrible. There's some value in whatever they're doing. It just it just seems oddly overly challenging. That's how I wanted to say that.

One last one as far as quick five. A rare copy of the U.S. Constitution is up for auction is expected to sell for millions of dollars, even as a whole lot of people now say that they hate the Constitution. Even The New York Times has articles about how the Constitution is dated, which is hilarious and no longer needs to be followed in every sense of what we'd like to follow it in. But hey, some people still like it and they'd like to buy it for quite a bit of money. I think that some of that actual money spent at that auction is going to go to disaster relief in North Carolina, et cetera, because of Hurricane Helene, which is also odd. I will say that the fact that FEMA and everyone else is failing and the amount of government support for places like North Carolina is a topic of news constantly. And then you have the Constitution selling at an auction and being something that could fundraise to help. It's just odd. That's that.

That almost would be the kind of thing that you feel like Alanis Morissette would sing about in some sort of song that was mis-titled about irony. But anyway, those are some of the top five stories out there. I thought this was interesting as far as other just audio out there in the world. It's it's a bunch of CNN clips that are reacting to certain here.

You know, actually, I'll play this one first and then we'll react to it after the fact, because I think it might be more fun that way for this specific clip. So here we go. Let's fire this off. There is no proof that tech companies colluded to do this. This is nonsense.

And he knows it. Oh, no, I'm sorry. There was there was a there was a major crank on your institutional effort. No, there was absolutely. I have been one of the biggest critics of tech. This is nonsense. Absolutely nonsense.

And when he just sort of discounts all the court cases, dozens, dozens of your posts thrown off Twitter. They were. And then they got Scott. Let me try again to explain to you what actually happened. They made a mistake. I know. And I live through it, too.

They threw the New York Post and the story off Twitter. Let's let her know what you're talking about. She's done really hard to deal with. Scott, Scott, how dare you? How dare you have an opinion that's different from this woman that's sitting on our stage here? That's actually written about these things, even if she's been proven to be wrong. Many of the things you wrote about. How dare you say that?

No, I'm not insulting you. I don't know why you keep repeating things that aren't true. They get thrown off Twitter. They did. And then they said that we made a mistake and they put them right back. That was just like CNN does, just like the New York Times. It wasn't after the election.

It was during the time. And they switched. Jack Dorsey switch. So I think what the issue is, is you think Twitter is the government. You think Twitter is running things. And there is not this wide collusion.

But J.D. Vance knows that because he's worked in tech. There is no such thing as big tech. There are big tech companies.

They do not collude on this issue. That is ridiculous. And here's why it's ridiculous, actually.

And I love that this went viral because so much of it is so awesome. So many big tech companies had the same sensibility, whether they're getting on the phone and chit chatting with each other or not. It's a close knit group, as any close knit group within a, you know, industry is. And before Elon Musk bought Twitter, you didn't even hear anyone like Mark Zuckerberg out there saying the things he says now. Zuckerberg says they'll do less to censor political speech on their platform. I don't know that it's actually true in what's happening on said platform, but they say they're going to do less of it. And that's because an individual got hold of one of the biggest platforms in social media and turned off that switch.

And we got to see behind the scenes twice. One, the Twitter files, which came out and showed us all the different things that occurred that allowed for government to have a deep influence, a deep reach, almost an arrogant aversion of an attempt to silence information, whether it's the Hunter Biden laptop that they're talking about there, whether it's the coronavirus information and questioning of certain things that was silenced. And now seems to be the consensus among a whole lot of medical people that those individuals were right, both in the lack of risk for young people and even some of the potential risks for vaccines and whatnot. All of that is much more agreed upon years later, but with silence then. And so the point being made on CNN is if you correct a mistake you made, it doesn't mean you never made the mistake. And essentially the argument being made by tech and people like Kara Swisher, who's the podcast host talking about this issue, along with a conservative guest on CNN, or at least someone who's supposed to be conservative guest. The thing that's so interesting to me, the thing that essentially means that, hey, that thing we did wrong didn't happen is if you get it right later. And that's the whole point. The point is to silence for as much time as you can so that things can move forward.

People can forget. And then you go ahead and reshape the narrative and do something different just a little bit later. I was actually talking to an economic expert earlier this week somewhere else where I do a radio. And one of the biggest things that's come out recently and is true net tremendously important in another field, job report numbers that have been changed, violent crime numbers that have been changed, economic numbers that have been rethought, things that essentially get rolled out day one when they get announced. Media reacts to them. Politicians celebrate these things. We created this many jobs.

We have lowered violence by this much. We've done this and this differently. And then you pay attention to the organizations that put out this information and a month later, two months later, sometimes longer. Oh, yeah, we got to change something.

We got to quietly try to update those numbers. And they're utterly different. They're shockingly different, actually, when it comes to job numbers or crime data, in which for a while there was a claim that in twenty twenty three crime numbers went down.

And now they're saying crime numbers, in fact, went up, especially violent crime. But you have a debate between two presidential candidates and you have a fact check from someone who's obviously leaning on one side of the aisle, even though they're not supposed to about that exact topic. And many Americans walk away. I can't tell you.

Here's one last thing I'll say, and then I need to take a break. I can't tell you how many people still believe some of the misinformation of what happened during covid. And that's what I'm going to call it misinformation. They still believe it and they believe it because they haven't checked in again on any of that data since they were told years ago what someone told them was the truth then. And now those those individuals themselves would even admit they were wrong about.