Absurd Truth: Call Me, Beep Me

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I just keep looking at these memes about the Hezbollah getting paged.

It's paging Hezbollah paging. Alright, so a Florida Man used a syringe. This is so gross. This is like such a Florida story. A Florida Man allegedly used a syringe to squirt a grody unknown liquid on a girl's backside at a Ross Dress for Less and then started filming. It also looks like someone drew his hair on his head with a Sharpie.

It's true. 25 year old Florida Man is behind bars for this. Sean Edward Uribe is facing a felony charge of battery on a child involving bodily fluids and so gross and a 50 meter battery charge. He's also accused of tampering with evidence per records. ABC affiliate WPLG got his arrest report. They said that the girl told Miami Dade police she was shopping at the store when patrons came up to her and told her that a guy in a Miami Dolphins hat was squirting from a syringe the stuff on the back of her jean shorts and then filming her.

normal syringe cuz it's probably Yes, it's exactly what you thought it was. Exactly. And yeah, and they he's on he's in jail, Miami Dade corrections $8,500 bond. See, this is what you carry? Just saying. Why would you shoot and kill that man for doing that? Why would that man volunteer to be shot and killed by doing that? Just you know? That's the question?

Oh, why are people so gross? This Florida man? Florida man was yelling, take me to jail, at the cops as he drove down the road with his lawnmower. He was obviously super drunk. He was videotaped, videotaped really, he was just like recorded driving a lawnmower on the main road and as police caught up with him, which wasn't difficult, we can't play any of this audio by the way, because whoo, it was it's a Newsweek. According to the video though, after the officers caught up to him, he was yelling at them, take me to jail, the Florida man named Paul Burke, he was arrested on charges of driving under the influence. I mean, he was on a lawnmower, but he was, you know, drunk. And he apparently had three other DUI charges. And he was trying to drive a lawnmower down the highway, which you can't do, by the way. Just yelling, take me to jail.

Just you can't do that. A Florida man threw a toilet through a window. And then this is in East St. Louis, he's a Florida man in East St. Louis. He chucked a commode from a toilet chucker, I don't know, he chucked a commode and then apparently threw a window of a school board headquarters.

And then apparently he has another one to launch. They found 36 year old Dave Tolliver a block away. Police were sure that they had the right guy because he was sitting on the second toilet that he was about to chuck. And so now he's in custody on a charge of criminal damage to property class C felony on $10,000 bond.

So the guy who chucked the toilet is just on for hire bond and the guy who was being all dirty at the rust dress for less just want to point that out. The P-15. This is a great company. And this is a great firearm. If you are unfamiliar with the P-15, you need not be.

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It's the lightest one that lightest nine millimeter I have. You don't lose any stopping power at all and you get ultimate conceal ability. It's innovation performance and Caltech learn more at Caltech weapons.com K E l t e c weapons dot com It's the P 15 tell them Dana sent you remember pagers it was like a big thing in high school pagers if you had a pager according to Nana you were a drug dealer or a doctor one of the two like yeah there's no in between you were either a doctor or a drug dealer according to Nana if you had a pager serious. But can I just point out like I get it if you're like a doctor and like you get like a 911 code on your I get that but if you're a regular person with a pager like you had to go and find a phone and call somebody that was so dumb. You know it you're not done that was how would it how do we live before call waiting or call waiting call caller ID How did we live before that? I mean now I can ignore people's calls so much more easily with caller ID than you know I could ever before that's makes you not want to make sure it makes it easier to not use your phone. So when I bring this up with Hezbollah they nine dead 2800 injured the Israeli defense minister warned look he was telling the United States look the clock is running out on having a diplomatic solution the diplomatic solution coming from Democrats that are running the government is well let's just sit around and do nothing maybe it'll fall maybe it'll resolve itself just don't do anything. So today the Israelis alerted a bunch of people in Hezbollah and Beirut their pagers were rigged with explosives and they all went off this morning it was pager detonations and they said that a lot of people were wounded 200 critically eight killed in the explosions thousands of Hezbollah members were seriously wounded thousands of Hezbollah members it was in they said one Reuters journalist themselves specifically saw 10 Hezbollah members bleeding to death from wounds and they said that the pagers were known were owned by a number of workers in various Hezbollah units and institutions and they exploded and the detonations of these pagers used by the group killed some of their fighters I just want to know how this is carried out because it's quite genius the Wall Street Journal reported that apparently hundreds of these Hezbollah members had these devices and they what they speculated was that it was malware that caused them to heat up and explode that is so genius and also terrifying but that is so genius I mean wow they said I mean you know you got to protect your people how you got to protect it and Hezbollah is like it's a big security breach no joke huh they said that the biggest security breach they've been subjected to I mean there's video of it detonating there's some there's some it's a crazy story Kane I mean they're the photos are crazy they ambulances rushing about everywhere Lebanon's Health Ministry urged health workers to head to hospitals I mean they're all Hezbollah people that's the thing they got hurt or blowed up Kane what you're you're gonna say so they weren't there weren't explosives intentionally put in here they were just they just were like here's a program that will make the battery explode I'm not saying that I would like to know how that works but you know just curious for a purely educational standpoint and that's old tech yeah good lord that we're doomed why if we don't get this government size down and their involvement in everything we're doomed why are you talking about us how many different battery things do you carry around with you like obviously your phone you have your watch but I don't carry anything on my person you don't have your watch on oh I do yeah gonna blow your wrist oh yeah I do yeah you're making me wonder about that stuff could it actually heat up enough to do that I'll look like I'll look like simply from Tropic Thunder I didn't intentionally share these videos with one there's the one in the grocery store we see one exploding off a guy's hip and he just goes down his leg looks all mangled yeah I never wear my phone on my person like that like never I carry it in my pocket like that yeah you do your dude's do chicks don't I don't think I haven't like when driving have it right between my oh my god you keep your phone there when you're driving yeah I totally do not I don't like having loose things by me in a car I mean I'm really rethinking that right this second yeah but yeah I've done see this is where all my little weirdo tics come in come into play it's like it's like signs right at the very end of signs don't sit here be like spoiler alert this movie's been out forever it's not my problem at the very end the little girl that has water everywhere and it all of a sudden all makes sense the look the cups of water everywhere and Mel Gibson's looking around and it's like you know he's he's he's processing this he sees the reflection of the alien in the television which was genius is such a genius movie and he sees all these you know half-drank cups of water and it's all making sense and he sees the bat on the wall you know you tell him to see and swing oh my gosh it all makes sense I feel like that's me with all my weirdo tics like you know I don't carry my phone on my person I don't like having bulky items on me like that except for a gun because I just don't I don't want it on there I don't I don't like to carry other stuff like that on me because I only want only my gun I don't have to worry about anything else falling out of my pockets or anything else like that so I just don't carry those items on my person and also I feel weird about it like I don't like holding up the phone to my head I don't even like that right oh man earbuds and all this kind of stuff yeah I'm curious are the batteries that we have videos all day I watch and all of that like are they different than the batteries in that old tech because then the malware would have to be a little different to manipulate this the batteries that are today I would assume this this is scary I mean is it I feel like we can already do this I mean I don't have a pager or a flip phone but the idea itself and don't you feel like Hezbollah used pagers so they because they thought that would be safer yeah like they couldn't get tracked yeah we're gonna be a lower grade tech oh no that gonna happen passenger that one dude fell down like Lebron on the court he just he just went down did he really get that hurt there was I saw some video of a hospital it's like one minute of footage where they were going to bed after bed and all these guys have like holes in their sides and in their laps because they had these pagers in their pockets they were terrorists is why right oh I should warn people it's graphic but hi you're watching did you see the number of them there apparently there was 2,500 of these explosions of which several of people died and many many more have like holes in them as they try to survive these injuries I mean that's what happens when you're a terrorist when you go off and you do actually those are actual terrorists not like the terrorists that the left tries to act you know say exist here no these are these are actual actual terrorists and that's what happens when you're a terrorist when you do terrorist stuff sometimes your pager might blow up but you do bring up a good point with like the watch and all that stuff yeah and also this laptop I'm sitting in front of yeah now I'm worried about now I feel weird about my watch I just like I that was the one thing that I actually finally broke down and did was the watch I think it's super convenient it's for heart health yeah it really is that was when I had like a little health scare that turned out to be totally fine and I was like I can see the point of it I was I wore the watch because of that yeah I was able to accurately track my sleep and all of that yeah I don't do that I don't want to track my sleep I need to I don't get hardly any I can I just say I will never under I don't I just don't understand the people who track their sleep and count every calorie and keep diaries of their stuff yeah no tracking sleep and counting calories are two separate worlds yeah this is just like you're giving yourself busy work why would you do that it's busy work yeah I'm just wearing the watch like I you just know what time you're gonna go to bed like okay I'll get this amount of sleep I know it takes me 20 minutes to fall asleep that's so cute you know you just got a bedtime and you go to bed and go no no I take melatonin no believe me because I am super I get super hyper focused on stuff I have a whole nighttime routine it is an hour long ritual that I do every night before I go to bed to unhook my mind from everything that I do during the day I have to do it because if I don't do it guess what ain't nobody going to bed that's how that works there but I've seen your 2 a.m. messages that's when my my rituals interrupted cane so nobody goes to bed that's why I have to get an X amount of hours or else I cannot function mentally yeah but when I do when I am like I can go to my whole point I just can't I can't stand wearing jewelry and watches and stuff going to sleep how do people do that how do you wear a watch when you go to I don't want anything that's like monitoring me when I'm sleeping I don't want anybody to know what I'm doing just not that anything's happening I just shut up I'm just like I sleep with the phone in the other room but I'll have the watch on and there'll be nights where I don't have the watch on what in the world do you do why do you sleep with your phone in the other room because I don't want to be around it when it's charging or doing whatever but you sleep with a watch on yeah so it can track the data heart rate you'll just get a little radiation I'm getting just a little bit so getting core type sleep or REM type I don't do that I don't care about any of that stuff I don't care I don't care about any of it I really don't even care like you know what our old in the olden days the olden days people didn't need any of that you know that's very true slay so this is the new in time days the new days I'm getting any of that we got more on the way as we rolled awards yeah Gen X I just I don't need that that's busy work it's busy work hi I'm Matthew a theater major at Hillsdale College here's Hillsdale president Dr. Larry Arnn with a Constitution Minute the great Abraham Lincoln described the Constitution as a picture or frame of silver built to guard or protect an apple of gold this apple of gold was the decrease of independence and its principle of equal rights for all this principle of equal rights Lincoln said clears the path for all gives hope to all and by consequence enterprise and industry to all there are many today who seek to limit or distort this great principle by employing a distorted definition of equality and equality of condition or outcome regardless how people live their lives this distortion if generally accepted will lead to an America less prosperous and less free to learn more and get a free pocket Constitution visit Constitutionminute.com this Constitution Minute was furnished by Hillsdale College. And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. This isn't news but it is a news flash I'm wearing the baggy jeans today and I feel like I hate myself and I want to throw myself off the roof because they're baggy jeans and they're not black stovepipe straight legs so there you go right there you don't care I do so that's why I just set it on air and headlines do I care about Puff Daddy I don't care throw off a cliff and be done with it right oh give him his due process why we know he did it he's on there yeah but he got arrested in Manhattan for being a dirty perv a dirty human trafficking pervert I mean I don't know I'm immediately going to suspect you if you call your name if you say your name's puffy then you call yourself P diddler and then you are beat pete he is he's the diddler that says that's gonna you know what that's gonna be his newest Marvel character it's the diddler he's gonna go quick but he was arrested in a sex trafficking probe and I I mean isn't this kind of obvious like everybody there were rumors about this for a long time right I mean oh sure even you know otherwise doesn't have anything to do with the economy if he's a criminal throw him off a cliff convict and throw him off a cliff you know be done with it let's go on Jane's Addiction Perry Farrell issued a statement so they canceled their whole tour if you like Jane's Addiction and Perry Farrell spoke out about it he's taking he's being a big boy and taking responsibility he said that he apologizes to his bandmates particularly Dave Navarro and he said that you know he was he apologized for it happening to apologize to the front to his fans and he said you know my breaking point is inexcusable and I take accountability for how I chose to handle so good for him he took it I hope he gets whatever help he needs it's just sad it's sad to see never meet your heroes although I never met him and he's never been a hero let's see hun is it Hyundai okay because I have certain family members that say Hyundai and I just it confuses me Hyundai pauses ads on X because they're giant female copulatory organs if Elon Musk doesn't bend a knee to speech censorship then they're like oh he's creating a Nazi hellscape that's what X is you realize that they're bouncing accounts that that are in violation of the terms of service as soon as they see them right it's not they don't they have to be made aware of them and then they do it but because it's not done before the person offends the left is using that as justification for claiming that they're like promoting and nurturing a petri dish of Nazi social interaction so they had a Hyundai ad that appeared next to a rando who posted stupid he was probably a rando troll who posted Hitler content and there was a Hyundai ad that appeared next to it and now everyone's freaking out about it and all of the people who hate Elon Musk and hate speech are trying to they're putting pressure on Hyundai to drop any ad association with X and I just think that all of you people need to shut up I'm so done with it like stop it like you know what they've done more to curtail this than the Secret Service have done to curtail presidential assassin so stop let's see several dead after trying to cross the English Channel why why would you do it why would you cross it stormy weather choppy water why eight people they were trying to cross the channel from France to England and they said that and of course they were people who were trying to claim a slightly you're not a you're you're an illegal immigrant you're not not everybody can claim asylum and the Norfolk Southern CEO was fired over an office relationship speaking of diddlers he's married he had an inappropriate relationship with an employee so he was big pimping in his big old CEO office and he was ended up he ended up being fired so you know what I just don't don't mess where where you get your bills paid just don't we got more on the way stick with us the gender neutral submarine can we can we just touch on that real real quick I almost said the most inappropriate joke on air that I would have gotten fired for and I didn't so where are the reproductive parts of a submarine stop it it's just the Frank the beans don't come with it yeah the beans have been removed it's just the Frank so and it's inverted so it's gender neutral I don't know it's the USS New Jersey it's a fast attack Virginia Virginia-class submarine 135 Navy per.