Absurd Truth: Fani's Bizarre Testimony

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. So this dude in Florida, this is Channel 7 News, Miami. He got into a fight over his Xbox console and he stabbed his friend with a literal samurai sword. So a warrant is out for 35 year old Walter Grimes. Police say he was recently homeless, recently became homeless.

He said that he got, somebody called 911, a neighbor did. And they said they were leaving their apartment and a guy came over and said someone got stabbed in the apartment he just came out of. And apparently the suspect wanted a gaming console. And they were fighting over that. And he ended up, I mean, he had a samurai sword for some reason, and ended up going at it with that.

Oh, man. See, I got I got mad last night about Xbox for a completely other different reason. And I didn't have a samurai sword. I was playing Darktide and I ended up getting put in a rando group with a bunch of chicks and I wanted to kill myself. Because it was just like hurting kittens and nobody could strategize and everybody wanted to run Leroy Jenkins like right into everything and I multiple times I was the last person there and I'm like, I cannot keep getting all of you up. Stop it. I was done. I texted my son and I'm like, I just went through hell.

Anyway, I feel bad for myself. But this this was a homeless guy who wanted this. He just wanted the Xbox. Anyway, they're on the lookout for him. A Florida man gifts his absolutely mortified ex girlfriend stolen statues for Valentine's Day. According to Sheriff Grady Judd, Polk County, a Florida man spent his Valentine's Day in jail. He stole somebody's statues right out of their front yard.

Anthony Lewis 33. He wanted Valentine's Day to be special for his lost love. And so he believes that he thought he was gonna try to make up with his lady love.

He was riding his bicycle. And he stole two crane statues out of a woman's front yard. Now, I why that's literally what I was trying to wrap my head around, as you said it, how they were provided to the woman by her husband who's deceased before he was deceased. They he gave him to her, not after and clearly that would have been a whole other story. They were very special to her, said Grady Judd, and he just ripped them off. So they tracked them to the ex girlfriend's home. The woman was mortified when she was told that the statues were stolen and she cooperated with deputies.

They returned them to the rightful owner. Lewis, who has 39 previous burglary and theft charges was arrested. So your ex boyfriend comes bicycling up to your house. And he's hold up. 35 years old, that's 33 years old. That's your first problem. And he's not doing it ironically.

Or it's not like a speed bike. You know what I mean? That's a problem. Number two. 33.

Sorry, he's 33 years old. Oh, yeah. 39 burglary charges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh huh. So like on 30?

They didn't think to keep him in jail? 31? No, you got capital L libertarians out there who are like, but it's just property.

But wait a minute, I thought you were capital L libertarian. Wait, what? Anyway, so he's Yeah, 39. And that yeah, he's got a lot of charges.

The charges include 39 burglary charges. It's probably why he's riding a bike. But imagine you're the ex girlfriend, this dude's trying to make up with you. Your first problem is accepting crane statues from a dude on a bicycle. That's your first problem. And second problem.

The third is that you dated him in the first place, because he just sounds like a hot mess. For real. Why does this article now here's where journalism fails. We all want to know how did this man get these giant heavy actual stone statues on a bicycle? They didn't did he have a wagon?

Was he pulling it? Like what what is this? This is what we all want to know. But we you know, they didn't tell us that. So there you go right there. I'm hefty front basket. I'm telling you what?

Yeah, like put them in there like et. Yeah, maybe he would probably a Florida man carjacked his grandma in the rotor a four page apology letter. His 77 year old granny. He carjacked her Alan Aspinwall.

What a name. They hated him. His parents hated him. He was arrested and charged with unarmed carjacking and domestic battery in a person 65 years or older. How old is this dude? They said that he he walked up and he was in a carjacked carjacking.

Walked up and grabbed the key force really from her hand pushed her to the ground got in the car and fled the scene. Yeah. Oh, he's an older dude.

He's going bald, but he's got dreadlocks on the side. Okay, there you go. But he wrote an apology letter to her. A big four page long apology letter.

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It's the sub 2k Gen 3. Tell them to send you is this trials making me like the like make making me like the whole thing. What reality television? It's like Real House Real Housewives of the courtroom or something like that. I've never watched those shows. Steve, you watch like The Bachelor and stuff, right? Isn't that your jam? I used to until they canceled Chris.

What's his name? I'm not a brain fart that old host the guy who hosts it forever and I don't watch anymore because they unruly canceled him and I liked him too much. If you tell me that these shows can bring the level of drama is what I'm seeing in this courtroom and the level of characters I could be prevailed upon to watch him. There was a person long ago that said Washington is more like Veep than it is the West Wing and I've never thought anything different. Wow, that's actually that's a great quote. That is a great quote. Well, it's true. I mean, it's completely true. This is all wild stuff. So I'm looking at this. Like some of the clips that we have of Fannie Willis.

Like, I mean, y'all, it's crazy. Can we do one? Can we do audio soundbite one? Because this was the big if you need if you listen to one soundbite from this trial with Fannie Willis and it gets into the Trump stuff. If you want to listen to one soundbite, this is it.

This is the soundbite. Listen. So your office objected to us getting Delta records for flights that you may have taken.

Well, no, no, no. I object to you getting records. You've been intrusive into people's personal lives. You're confused. You think I'm on trial. These people are on trial for trying to steal an election in 2020. I'm not on trial, no matter how hard you try to put me on trial. Girl, it's a literal courtroom. Oh, man, I'm not on I'm not the one on trial. Literally, you are though right now. Like you actually are. What do you mean? What do you think you're sitting in the box?

You're legit on trial. I don't know what you think, but okay. And the whole stealing an election. No, I'm so tired of this stuff.

I'm so tired of it. So this because we're going to revisit it because there's some choice soundbites. Her dad is up there now. The big thing was cash. And she's like, Oh, well, I have, I have cash that I keep on me. You know, I always have cash. I mean, Cain, it's normal that you keep $300,000 in cash on you. That's like totally normal, right? I mean, my entire mattress is cash. That's right.

I forgot. Nobody knows this, but Cain sleeps on all of his money like Scrooge McDuck. Just like piles of it. And didn't you also like turn some of your savings into like gold bullions and you just swim in it? I did. Yeah.

It's like a ball pit, but it's coins. Yeah. It hurts so much. Yeah. But it's like, you know, you're, you're, you're like smog, but a dude, a human dude.

But I do have his, uh, audio sidebar band name, human dude, human dude. Hold on. Note that. But okay, go ahead. Sorry. I'm telling Willis. His dad, uh, was talking about that cash. You were just talking.

Yeah. So listen, check it, check it. Good morning.

Good morning. When your daughter moved or left the house that she owned, did she say anything to you about having a large, uh, savings of cash? Oh no, she, Oh no. Let's see. Maybe, excuse me.

And I, your honor, I'm not trying to be racist. Okay. Okay. But it's a black thing.

Okay. You know, I was trained and most black folks, they hide cash or they keep cash. And, uh, I was, no, I trained, you always keep some cash because, uh, I've been places.

And just because of the color of my skin, for example, I, I cannot do when my daughter was, this is the dumbest stuff I've ever heard. So she was like, why always keep cash in case, you know, date doesn't work out and whatever. I didn't know that I was doing a black thing because I always would keep cash around. You know, if you have any money on you, apparently that's a black thing. I've heard a lot of stuff used as excuses before, but this is a new one. It's a new one.

I didn't know that. Is there, I mean, it's a black thing. Is there anything like, is there anything that's like a white thing that white people do? I don't know. Like, what would that be?

Sweater sets? I don't know. Curious. You know, just if you keep, that's so stupid.

This guy, everything that comes out of his mouth is race bait, race bait, race bait, race hustle, race hustle, race hustle. Oh my gosh. What's the next? What, what are you telling me?

Cause we've got, I mean, we got everything from Grey Goose to I'm not on trial. 25 is a Fannie. Is it Fannie or Fannie? Cause I've heard it both ways. It's Fannie because I said it is and everyone has to succumb to my reality. That's the rules. Here's the rules.

This is a cut. So my question was where did that cash originally come from? If it came out of the bank, cash is a fungible cash for years in my house. So for me to tell you the source of when it comes from, when you go to public and you buy something, you get $50, you throw it in there. When it's been my whole life, when I took out a large amount of money on my campaign, I kept some of the cash of that. Like to tell you, I just have cash in my house.

I don't have as much today as I would normally have, but I'm building back up now. This is like a Renaissance audio video clip. There's so many things happening in this that it's hard. It's like, if you go into like, if you've ever been in any kind of store, like sometimes you go to Cracker Barrel and you're like, there's so much stuff in here to look at and you got to take a minute or you go and you, I don't eat at Cheesecake Factory cause they're anti-gun and it's just poop on a plate. But uh, their menu is a little overwhelming.

Are you okay over there? Cause it is, their menu is overwhelming and it takes you a long time to, you know, like breathe it all in. But this, her dress is on backwards, her flag pin's all messed up. I don't know what's happening with the foundation garments. She's like that. I mean, and then what she's saying, there's so much here. You okay?

What's wrong? She literally admits to campaign finance. Oh yeah, she totally does. How is she a DA? Also, what does her dad do? I don't, I don't, what does her dad do?

Like he said he was, he's like a documentary filmmaker or something like this. I don't know. I'm just fascinated with this. Uh, yeah. So we, oh no, I got one more for you. Uh, Wine or Grey Goose? Audio sound bite two. What's your pleasure?

Go ahead. Much less cash that time, probably four or $500. And then I paid for a bunch of stuff. I think we did two different wine tours that you do, which are pretty expensive. I think I bought him, he likes wine. I don't really like wine to be honest with you.

I like Grey Goose. Um, I bought him a bottle of wine while we were there and the sippings that you do. I can't remember how many, like four or five different places you go. I remember we went to, um, to this place that they do pairings.

Um, that was the most expensive thing that I think that we did while we were there. So they would pair, uh, they would pair, uh, champagne, chocolate and this is like campaign chocolate and caviar. This is this. I'm going to give you so many details that you are totally distracted from.

It doesn't work though. Cause I can't get over the, you mean vodka? It's not just like Grey Goose, you know, she sounds like a Russian asset.

Am I the only one? I mean, love and Russians also. Yeah. Their vodka is their beer. Yeah. She sounds like a Russian asset to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had this, um, a friend, they were Latvian. Hated Russia.

Oh my gosh. They hated the KGB. The guy, uh, friends of ours that he was, and you, you knew them, uh, Kane, who is considerably, he was older than us, but he was in apparently junior high school, uh, during the bright, I guess, as the Berlin Wall fell and he was wearing a Ramone shirt and before the wall fell, he said the KGB came to their school.

This is in Latvia when they were still part of the Soviet Republic. And, uh, we're giving him some trouble. But anyway, we, we asked him one time, we're like, well, you know, what do you, I mean, it's Latvian, you know, it's like Russian adjacent in a way, which you can't say that to him because they'll riot. And, uh, he was like, no vodka's like our, it's like your beer. I want the beer. He would have a Guinness for breakfast.

That is the, it was the most hardcore thing I've ever seen in my life. A Guinness for breakfast and took him to an IHOP. And he was like, there was no Guinness here. And I was like, yeah, cause it's a, it's an IHOP. It's the international house of pancakes.

It's not very international. I'm like, oh my gosh. And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. Man, a little crisscross. I know y'all haven't heard that a long time. In fact, Steve was like, I think I was just a baby when that came out.

Cecane just aged into a wizard. Uh, let's see. Nobody wants meaty rice. You heard me correctly.

Meaty, M-E-A-T-Y, meaty rice. Yeah. I don't know. It sounds good to me.

I don't know. No, this is not good. Uh, because it's gross. Meaty rice developed by growing animal cells inside of grains. Why?

Why? So they say scientists have continued to, this sentence is full of garbage. From lab grown chicken to cricket derived protein, the scientists have continued to develop innovative meat alternatives to improve the environmental and ethical impacts of industrial agriculture. So Korean scientists have created cultured beef rice by growing animal muscle and fat cells inside of grains. They coat the rice. This sounds tasty.

Ready for this tastiness, Cane? And it looks as nasty as you think. They coat the rice with fish gelatin, and then they use cow muscle and fat stem cells seeded into the rice. And then it cultures in a Petri dish.

So good. Why are we doing that? We can just add actual beef to rice and cook them separately and then together. No, no, they want to play. They want to play scientists in the lab.

That's what it's about. I think it's weird and I don't know. There's meaty rice, unless you're talking about chunks of meat in the rice. Otherwise that ain't rice. That's fish guts, fish weirdness and beef nasty. I don't know that we know nothing about. I swear I used to make this stuff with my Plato thing.

And you know, it's like that, you know, your little Plato maker where you could make Plato look like ground meat and all that stuff. Oh man, we do not want this guy. So the ginger guy who insists on keeping his title in the United States, Harry, the ginger, he says he's considering US citizenship. No, we don't want him for a number of reasons. Number one, he's a welfare queen. He doesn't work.

Spotify before they canceled their contract called them blinking grifters because they're lazy and they never, I don't think they ever actually fulfilled their contract. She's a z-list social climbing, ghosting, wannabe royalty person. She's a weirdo.

She's like one of the most manipulative people I've ever seen. He's a moron and he wants to be a US citizen. No, you don't get to be, we don't want you because we want people who actually can produce people who can create wealth, people who actually add to our base here in the United States and who aren't monarchs, who aren't part of a royal family.

You don't count. We have a lot more on the way. I feel very strongly about that. It's that, telling you what's that revolutionary DNA coming out. We got more on the way.

Stick with us. Are you seeing a stigma? I mean, are you worried that monkey pox between the name, between the connotations, between everything, that there's already people being stigmatized and they're too afraid to come forward and either be treated or get vaccinated? You know, we think from day one, we were thinking about stigma and particularly this city with its history of HIV AIDS activism and advocacy from the community and alongside the Department of Public Health and our academic partners at UCSF, this is something we always think about. And so our messaging and our work with community and to the public is really to avoid stigmatizing language, to avoid stigmatizing communities.

And we know that we're going to have to work hand in hand with communities in order to prevent further transmission and to protect people's health. Oh my gosh, you know what? This is such garbage.

First off, this is the, who is this? The San Francisco health officer on monkey pox, which has affected the alphabet community more than anybody else. Kane wants to know how to get monkey pox. It's Friday and I'm dealing with allergies. Is that a question you really want to ask me right now? It's a medical question.

How does one get monkey pox? Do you hear about those two surfers on top of the train surfers? Do you hear about that?

Two dudes on top of surfing a train? Yeah, I sent that to you actually. Gosh, there's so much in that sentence. Um.

It's Valentine's Day, so. Yeah, that's how. That's how. That's how.

Don't Google it. You asked. The common denominator is the train, is what you're saying?

What they were doing on the train. Oh, okay. You want me to spell it out you want me to spell it out for you, don't you? You really want to do that? No, I don't. You really?

Yes, you do. You're sitting over there. I'm waving the white flag. I give up. I give up.

I mean, I can, if you want. Chew, chew. They were on top of that train. I don't know if they were high on cocaine. There's a song, but, uh, they basically took what those dudes did in the Senate chamber and they took it to the top of the train because see that kind of public stuff is only okay in the Senate chamber, not on surfing trains. Chugga-chugga-choo-choo. No stigmatizing for that behavior.

Yeah. So this, this, hang on, this chick is the San Francisco health officer. She said, we don't want to stigmatize anybody with the monkey pox, you know, and it's spreading like crazy through gay and bisexual dudes. And it, back in October of 2022, they refused to shut down their fetish festival and their bath houses and all that stuff because, or even warning people of it because they didn't want to stigmatize. They literally stigmatized people. They, by not telling them, well, we don't want to hurt their feelings. So we're not going to tell them that they can get the monkey pox through all the gay sex that they're having. That's literally what they did. Google it, October, 2022.

That's when it really was, really started hitting. So they don't want to stigmatize those people, but what were you called if you didn't wear a mask at the grocery store? A murderer. Oh, that's weird. Are you wanting them to wear masks on their, it's called underwear, okay. A butt mask? Yeah. Okay. But I'm just saying.

It's like a butt hat, totally useless. There was a lot of, a lot of stigmatism towards people during COVID. Yeah. It's weird that they don't want any stigmatism. Well, you're immune if you're gay or trans.

Not, but if it's a gay person versus a trans person, then the gay person loses. But COVID wasn't just because of some behavior of yours that you, you know. Yeah.

You were a murderer. It's a behavior. It's a virus.

You can get it anywhere, airborne. It's like, it's not a thing. This is literally behavioral contraction. By you stigmatizing them, Cade?

By the behaviors that you've chosen. How dare you say that by engaging in bathhouse gay sex, that you're going to get the monkey pox in San Francisco? Of the two. How dare you warn people that that behavior could lead to rampant monkey pox? You're distracting me.

Of the two, which should be stigmatized more? You contracting an airborne virus that you have no control over where it's coming from or anything? Or the behavioral one that... Look, this is what they need to do. This is what this lady needs to be doing.

Caine's trying to be very, like, adult. And I'm not. They need to have that health lady go back out there and be like, wait a minute, y'all, I messed up. Let me tell you something. Do you want open sores on your hiney? Because if you don't, then stop having all of the crazy, hotastic gay sex in the bathhouses.

Stop it. Is that a symptom? Oh yeah. You get lesions and open sores. That's the monkey pox.

That's the monkey pox. There's other news we could talk about, right? Nope. Nope.

Because this is stupid. It literally has been 95% of the persons with infection, it's been through sexual activity. Actually, sorry, 98%.

And this is from the New England Journal of Medicine, if anyone wants to contest it. 98% of the people that have gotten it have been gay or bisexual dudes. Now, please note, I'm not saying that, oh, well, if you're gay, you immediately get the monkey pox. But if you're in San Francisco and you're gay and you're going to the bathhouses and engaging in wild, completely uncontrollable, you know, romantical times in these bathhouses, you're probably going to get the monkey pox. That's what we're saying.

And 98% of the people, guess what, who got it? They were going in the bathhouses. And that's what was happening. They literally, one out of three people who tested positive had visited, quote, sex on site venues within the past month. The others had attended large gatherings, like pride events. And they said the outbreak was fueled literally because of that behavior. Yeah.

So, a bunch of hyper sexualized, over sexualized people getting together in bathhouses and different events, sex on, does it get New England Journal of Medicine, take it up with them? I'm just the messenger. I mean, that you literally could avoid it by not behaving like that. By being a little bit, you know, practicing a little discretion. Just a, just a, just a twinge. Right?

Because it's, that's literally what it is. The, and it's the highest now, Steve, the highest infection rates in DC. Steve doesn't go to bathhouses. No, I mean, there's a, there's a huge day. I mean, I don't know how, what the percentage is, but there's a huge day community in this town.

I don't know how big, but. They were saying that 16% of the residents may have, now this is Kaiser Family Foundation, they told the White House to mobilize to prevent it from becoming endemic. But they said, overall, the numbers remain low, but the highest infection rates in DC, sorry, it's.016% of residents are infected.

New York, it's less, way less than that. But they said that it's, it's okay to say that this is how monkey pox spreads. Why is everybody like, terrified to say this? We don't want to hurt the alphabet, people. Guess what?

If you do this particular thing right here, you're going to get the pox. But if you, but, but if you tell people, if you warn them about it, then you're a bigot? What?

All right. In the district, 8% of people identify as gay as, in the area, 209,000 LGBT people in DC metro area. Yeah, they need a little discretion. The people who are going to these venues and maybe, you know, don't have everything in sight. Just saying. A little discretion goes a long way.

You don't want sores on your butt. I'm just saying. You know what? Somebody's got to say, I'm not going to sit here and dance around it.

This is what we're talking about. It is so crazy to me that, that probably, I'm probably going to hate mail for saying that, but I won't get hate mail. Nobody, these people don't get hate mail for literally withholding from an entire demographic that there is a rampant pox spreading amongst you. And you're getting it, specifically 98% of you have gotten it from this specific activity. And if you keep doing it, it's going to keep spreading. If you stop doing it and you maybe act a little bit more responsible, you can fight the spread of it. But it's bigoted. What would, what would the AIDS epidemic have been like in the 90s, if the wokery language that is involved in this was present then? Don't talk about the HIV. Right.

It's bigoted. Don't even warn people about it. Right? Yeah. Oh my gosh. And there were some, the one doctor was like, well, it's not too attractive to do monkey pox testing at these venues.

What's more attractive, getting the test or having open lesions, just saying. Yeah, it's killing people. And then you've got this moron who's like, well, our messaging is to avoid stigmatizing language. You are idiots.

Is it about saving lives or saving hurt feelings? And if your feelings are hurt because you're a raging whore and you cannot keep your libido in check, then get over it. I would be, you should be more concerned about being a raging whore with an out of control libido and getting all poxed out as opposed to someone telling you that, hey, you could get this.

Maybe be a little bit more responsible. This is so stupid. Isn't it discriminatory towards the demographic to not tell them because you think you're being some kind of savior? What in the world? Oh my gosh.

What is this world coming to? We don't know, but can I play the soundbite for you? It's from last year, but it's when Joe Biden decided to blame all the hiv on Elton John, apparently.

I don't know. Listen to this. This is wild. By the way, it's all his fault that we're spending $6 billion in tax-care money this month to help AIDS, fight HIV. There for a hot second, he puts his hand around Elton John's shoulders and Elton John has these tinted glasses on, so you can't see what his eyes are doing. But you, he's, you know, he's, he's a stage veteran, so he's keeping it cool. But man, for a hot second, you could tell he was like, the hell is this going? You knew that's what he was thinking. You knew it. Saturday night's all right for fighting, man. Can you, phrasing. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lashes, absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.