Absurd Truth: Time To Get Zen

Dana Lashes, Absurd Truth Podcast.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. All right, so first up, let's see here. I'm like being distracted. We have an elderly Florida man who was assaulted by his neighbors while we had this in yesterday.

So this is all I'm not doing this one. A Florida man is in custody. He barricaded himself. In a sewer pipe following a police pursuit in Kindle.

This guy's also totally naked. Again, video from the scene shows the moment the South Florida water management set a robotic camera inside of the pipe to check the status of the dude. The guy started on 2am on Thursday, the man fled from Miami Dade Police. Police lost sight of him and he disappeared into a sewer pipe. And then they sent a robotic camera into the pipe to check the status of the guy. And then they managed to take him into custody. He's being treated. By Miami Dade Fire Rescue at the scene.

And they said they haven't released his identity or anything like that. So you know, I mean, a Florida woman, a porch pirate stole packages and then plan to re gift them for Christmas. Mm hmm.

Yeah, yeah. So this according to Polk County Sheriff's Office, this woman Kinsley Mott was seen at the victim's home surveillance camera walking up to the porch taking numerous Amazon boxes driving off in a red truck. She had her eye on the prize. She followed the truck. She followed this Amazon delivery truck all over the subdivision of Winter Haven, Florida. And she's just started to after they would deliver him she would go up and start taking packages right off the porches on neighborhoods between like starting a new broad daylight. They reviewed the surveillance videos, I guess you know, people have like the adorable cameras and all this stuff. So they started reviewing these surveillance videos. And they eventually found her at her place of employment, Hungry Howie's Pizza. And when they asked her about this, she said no, no, I'm regifting them. She's regifting the stolen items.

And then she literally told police when they showed her the video footage. She goes quote, what if it was just someone else who had my face? See, now wait a minute sidebar. This is why I want a fake finger as a ring. The fake silicone finger. I want to wear it on the hand. So that way, if something happens that I don't like or something like that, then I can just be like, see, there's an extra finger here.

This is clearly AI. I've really thought about this. You know, I've done a lot of research on the silicone finger rings.

You can't really get them on Amazon, I found like one really good one. But apparently they're not for sale anymore. So I'm just saying like, if you're into that business, that might be, you know, I'm just saying that's going to be the way to get out of stuff right now. Like just get you a fake silicone digit where it is a ring. And that way, you know, if you're on public and all that, and it's something I'm just saying, you can be like, No, no, no, see, I don't have that many fingers.

That clearly is AI. Can they prove that you were wearing a fake silicone finger in the photo? No, they can't. They can't. I'm just saying, I'm just I'm not like trying to encourage you to break the law or anything.

I'm just saying it might be nice to have that, you know, I'm just just a little little extra. Anyway, they did. They did get her an arrest her. And of course, she was crying when they arrested her. Of course, she was. I mean, that is so like you're following around a delivery truck. If you're the delivery driver to do you know at one point that you're being followed around by the delivery truck? I'm just wondering.

Yeah. I don't even know how to read this. This headline. A Florida man pours eyedrops on his nephew sandwich to make him quote puke his brains out. A Pinellas Park man is accused of putting eyedrops in his nephew sandwich in an attempt to make him sick. Golly, they said that the witness according to arrest report, a witness reported a customer asking for a bottle of Visine eyedrops while purchasing food at an unnamed business on Wednesday. The witness told police that the customer identified as James Leach said he was having issues with his nephew hated him. And then after handing him the eyedrops, the witness said he opened the bottle and poured it all over the meatball sandwich. The witness stated that that could hurt someone and the defendant responded by saying it would only cause him to quote blank himself and puke his brains out.

And then he I mean, and apparently there's video footage inside the business where you can see him doing all this stuff. And the nephew said that he ate a small part of the sandwich and didn't know it may have been tampered with. He didn't accept medical treatment.

And the I mean, what in the world like what is wrong with you? I don't know how old the nephew is. But the guy was 45 years old. The guy they arrested him. But the guy's like 45 years old. And I mean, I don't.

Does it really do that? I don't know, man. Let's see here. This Florida woman. Florida woman was arrested for Walmart theft drunken hit and run crash in the same day. Flagler County, Florida, 46 year old lettering and Emily. She gets in trouble for petty theft.

And then me and then she immediately right after DUI. And Palm Coast, according to Flagler County police, John Lawness is a he's a literal potions master. I mean, he's got like all professionals, I could say he's like per president of this average core advertising group. And he's got very important titles. But he's I mean, I legit would be like potions master and only goes that he is literally like, he's just let me read this, a certified master, like you can get certified for this in the ancient Japanese tradition of Kodo the way of incense for over a decade. And he holds the rank of cane of a Komodo.

That is a literal Japanese master of incense ceremony. That's right. That's a literal he's the actual potions master. Yeah, well, potions isn't exactly accurate.

It's just a fun word, right? Yeah. And John joins us now via Skype. John, it's a pleasure to have you.

Thank you for joining us again. This show first off that you had to go through like a whole thing to get certified in all of this. King keeps flicking the scent to me. Yeah, so so yeah, so real quick, when I was nine years old, I started studying martial arts and world incense traditions. Then when I was 13, I trained under a certified master in the way of incense. It's called Kodo for a period of 10 years. So I've been doing incense for over 40 years now, you could run Bath and Body Works out of business, basically.

They totally do that. Yeah, but but you know, you're talking about like, like getting rid of all these emotions and what have you. I mean, what you're really accessing what you're talking about is the limbic system, which is that that part of our body, a part of our brain that really controls the emotions. And so, you know, we could be working on the hypothalamus on the amygdala on the thalamus on the hippocampus without getting into too big of words, right?

But there's also you. Yeah, well, so you were just having that experience with the frankincense, you're like, it smells good. And you started to relax and you started to maybe have less kind of, you know, negative thoughts or thoughts that are moving around that. Well, that's what I do for people internationally, celebrities, businesses and individuals, but it's a way to center the mind and deal with all the chaos that we deal with every day, and especially in the world of politics. I don't know if you know anything about that. So you're telling me that they need more of this on Twitter?

I think so. Oh, you know what? And by the way, when I was on your show last year, the amount of just hate that came at me when I was literally talking about gifts for baby Jesus. I mean, it was amazing to me. They need more of Jesus's gifts.

Because this you smell the was that the frankincense and it's you're like, I'm your chill. They need I hate that you had to do that. Like you can't even tweet anymore.

Because of these people. You literally you didn't you leave Twitter. I did. Well, I mean, I still have an account. But I mean, it's like, it was just amazing to me. Like I'm on your show. We're having this wonderful conversation about the use of frankincense and myrrh.

And it was it was amazing. Like just the amount of names I got called names that have nothing to do. But then that's okay. That's okay. Listen, listen, I'm, I'm a strong big boy, I can handle it. And I've got sent on my side. You know what I mean?

I got sent on my side. You just burn some of Jesus's gifts and you feel better. Why were those we're talking to John Lanas, who's literally like, a master of this stuff.

There's a lot of I mean, there's like a whole certification here. Why those specifically were ended up being so popular and and sort of like now forever a part of human history, the frankincense the mer I don't even know if I'm saying that correctly mer. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you are right. Yeah, you're saying it right. So so the research suggests that the wise men would have been Zoroastrian priests.

Yeah. And they they held a lot of the information around health and wellness. And so frankincense, for example, the Mayo Clinic and other very large medical organizations are beginning to really use frankincense to help the body with a number of things, lung issues, arthritis, etc. And so frankincense not only calms the mind clears the mind, but it also helps as an antibacterial and antimicrobial.

And so it's it's it's healthy. So with also with mer same kind of thing, but you can actually treat you can eat mer you can eat frankincense. And so it's a way to really have the body be cleansed inside and out in a very short explanation. Yeah, I mean, there's a whole bunch of things that are not pure.

Therefore, when you're burning that you can get, you know, indoor air pollution, but if you're warming all natural fragrances, there is benefit in the in the aromatic medicine as it languaged in one way, but but by warming it, you're minimizing the amount of smoke and you're maximizing the fragrance and all the chemicals that come along with it that help again, calm the mind, have us recenter within ourselves to again to be able to deal with the chaos of the world. We're talking with John Lonas, who's like an expert in basically he could run all the sensei, the Bath and Body Works, all those people out of business. This and we're taught we're I mean, because it's I just find this fascinating. So this, you made a very good point with the I guess some of like the chemicals and stuff that they can put in some of the manufactured stuff. So you got to be like really picky about where you get your stuff from.

Yeah, there's only three companies that I currently use in the entire world. Wow. Yeah. And so so these are things that I have vetted over the 40 years of teaching and training and leading groups. I mean, like we literally do this for corporations.

We do this for individuals, we do this for people of note. And it's it's an incredible experience. It's called the incense journey, and you're getting your own sense of it through Kane in the studio. But you'll notice that that you're that you don't have as much anxiety, maybe as you know, normally do when you're in the presence of that.

So imagine every day being able to really have more control over your mind to be able to then put the attention where you need to put it when you need to put it there. Do you have to send like special people out to get this stuff? Because like some of this I don't even know where you get some where does one get frankincense?

Like where? It's not like Yeah, it's not like it grows wild and I don't even know. It's a tree, right?

It's sap or it's sap. It is it? Yeah.

Yeah. So so so frankincense is a tree. If you imagine the continent of Africa, and you drew a very thin line across the top of Africa, that that is where frankincense grows and other places as well, but but close to there. So what happens is that three times a year, they actually cut into the tree, causing the sap to come out and then to and then to dry, and then you're taking that off. And so frankincense is an auto immune reaction to, you know, danger with the tree or some kind of a damage.

Same thing. Yeah, well, so well, so. So let's look a little bit at the Egyptian tradition. So the Egyptians talked about frankincense as being sweat of the gods. So when you hold up frankincense, it looks it looks like if you were to take sweat, and then, you know, amalgamated into a resin, but the point is, is that it has connotations with the sun, it has connotations with a number of things, but but because it elevates our consciousness, it literally focuses on us in a way different from everything else.

That's why it's been praised and used for thousands of years. So this was like a really nice gift that these are Austrian priests brought Jesus this was like, like going to Neiman's and getting one of those big old fancy once in a lifetime gifts like that what they brought him was like pretty amazing. Yeah, well, at the time, frankincense would have been double in value of gold. Oh, my gosh, and they brought a lot. I mean, I don't remember exactly how much they brought, but they brought quite a bit. That's amazing. Double the value and goal of gold.

That's crazy. Yeah, well, and just like we talked about last year, we also saw that frankincense and well, actually, Mer specifically shows up at the crucifixion. So we have incense at the birth and the death of Jesus, which is very symbolic. And so the the whole idea is, is that if we just take the the night before the crucifixion, when when Mary anointed the feet of Jesus was spikenard very costly spikenard is another incense.

In this case, it was an oil, but it will literally relax you deeper than anything else you've ever had. So what Mary was doing for Jesus and the disciples was to relax them and and really to have them commune and be in the same space together the day before the crucifixion. Wow, that is amazing.

I did not know that. That is absolutely amazing. John Lawness, who I well, I don't I'm afraid to give everybody your Twitter account now because people out there are such jerks.

They need to burn more incense and chill out is what they need to do. I so appreciate you joining us on this. And I just think that's very cool. Where can people find you and like find your recommendations and stuff? What's a good place to go? Yeah, so what I would do is I would go to Instagram, it's at shehan underscore wellness. So shehan underscore wellness, you can connect with me there. You can also send an email to shehanwellness at gmail.com. And then we'll go from there.

Sounds great. Thank you so much for doing this. And I want to add to that.

John also works with veterans and he helps work with helps to manage their PTSD and all of that stuff. So you do a lot of great, great stuff for folks. So thank you so much for doing that. And for joining us today.

We'd love to have you back. Thanks so much. Thanks, Dana. Thanks, Dana. Have a good holiday. Merry Christmas. Bye bye bye. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. I was trying to repost a meme.

All right. The lockdown effect Americans, physical and mental health has deteriorated by every metric since the pandemic. And they say that it's you know, it's all the lockdowns and all of that stuff.

That's what's to blame. They say it's all the lockdowns. They say that half of the world's gonna have a mental condition by age of 75. I'm so tired of this. I am so tired of this. I am so tired of it. I'm tired of hearing that everybody Big Pharma is trying to make you believe that you need all this stuff wrong with you so that you can take their pills forever. That's what they want.

They released this, they surveyed 5000 adults, and they track their changes in mental and physical conditions. Have you ever thought that maybe things are stressful because stupid people are also making things stressful? Weak men create hard times. We're in that position right now.

I don't know if people realize that, but that's where we are. So this is an NBC story. They're saying that race played a role in the sentencing of this 10 year old boy for urinating in public. So this kid, he's a 10 year old kid who urinated in public in August, he was sentenced to two years in prison. He was sentenced to three months probation. And they said it's because he's black.

He's in third grade. He was arrested August 10, after a police officer saw him relieving himself next to his mom's car when she was inside an attorney's office. And they said that anybody would have done the same thing given that or any child would have done the same thing given the circumstances. There was no public restroom at the attorney's office.

He had to go there was no bathroom available to him. And I just like, really, you got to get the courts involved for this. Now, is it a question of race? Or is it like there are some people in this town, according to the story was he had to write a story about Kobe Bryant. That's stupid. What is that about? That is stupid. That is so stupid. They said that he's not gonna they said it's probation. He's not gonna have a criminal record.

It's a two page report. And he has to check in with a probation officer for once a month for three months. That is so stupid. That is so unbelievably dumb. I just want to rage at this. This is ridiculous.

They said that. I mean, he's 10 years old. He's 10 years old. His mom was inside.

She ran inside. Oh, my gosh, he's 10 guys, come on. And it's a Senate Obeah in Mississippi. I don't know like what their party makeup is there. But I'd be shocked if the people running that town are Republican. Just saying just saying.

All right. So apparently, Park Hill, there's in Denver, there's a neighborhood in Denver where somebody's been raiding houses and stealing stealing ladies' panties. They said that some neighbors in this Denver community are on high alert. A man's been breaking into their homes and stealing women's underwear. He's called the Park Hill panty thief.

Way to give him a nickname that he's probably going to enjoy, guys. I mean, they said that he passed over PlayStations, computers, jewelry, just took women's under. Yeah.

Just took women's underwear. What's the matter with you? Like, why are you not stealing any of the good stuff? Don't take that.

I'm not saying that as advice. An auto industry, I subscription fees. This is so dumb. So you can pay monthly for heated seats and cruise control. Are you serious with me right now? That is so dumb.

That's so dumb. All right. Welcome back to the program, Dana, last year with you. It's our last broadcast of this year, 2023. And we are back behind the mic on January 3. Now, one of the things that we do all throughout the year, I don't know when we started this, 10 years ago, is we have a really good naming bands, and apparently also bars.

But we, you know, all of this came out of just the daily news cycle from the past year. So I think we're going to have a lot of fun. You know, you'll hear a phrase and you're like, man, that sounds like a great band name. So Kane adds it to the list. And so we've made and by we, he's made a top 10 list of the top 10 fictitious band names of 2023.

Kane? Yes, ma'am. And by the way, there was like 50 or 60. We average about one a week on the show every year. And so out of that 50 to 60, I have to whittle it down to these. This is my favorite one. Fabulous 10. And then we have some honorable mentions as well. So at number 10, drum roll, please. Number 10 is Liquid Meth. Yes.

Liquid Meth. I love them. They're your favorite?

They're one of my favorites. Yes. Love Liquid Meth. I don't even know if you can liquefy meth, but it's great. I mean, it's the name, not like the meth. Can you liquefy? I don't know.

I don't know how the meth is done. Merry Christmas. All right. Number nine is Personal Riot.

Yes, I do this daily. Personal Riot. That's true, you do. Everybody should have their own personal riot. Absolutely.

Gonna have a personal riot right here in Walmart. Number eight needs a little bit of an explanation. This one is...

Does it, though? Number eight is Big Gay Baby. Yes, I love Big Gay Baby.

BGB. What? Now, what is this, though? This is when we were doing the story on the trans people. Dude, yeah. Who literally will also appropriate an age. Not only will a 60-year-old dude say that he's a chick, but then he'll be like, oh, not just any chick, a 10-year-old chick.

Exactly, or a six-year-old or something. BGB, Big Gay Baby. Oh, boy. All right, that was number eight. Number seven. Love that one. Lesbian Dudes. Lesbian Dudes. That sounds like... What's that one lesbian duo? Where they sing that one song, Galileo?

Oh, man. What is it? Indigo Girls. Thank you. That's like an Indigo Girls cover band.

So it's like two people who just do Indigo Girls songs. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. It's the Lesbian Dudes. All right, that was number seven.

Number six. Seizing the Pounce. Which is appropriate after Lesbian Dudes. Seizing the Pounce. Seizing the Pounce. Because that happens often with the Pounce.

Yeah, that's how the media treats us. I need to shut up and let you just do your thing. Number seven. Seizing the Pounce.

Number five. First Lady Deathmatch. Yes! First Lady Deathmatch.

I want that patch. That sounds like a fun time. This one's interesting.

Yeah, number four. I think we know where this came from. And this was your...

This didn't actually... This was you. Sounds like a sandwich. This was you. Just so you know, this is all you. Frankenginer.

Well, in my defense, that's what happens if you have like the mutilation surgery. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. Wow, that was number four. We got three more. Number three. Fatal Sound Pollution.

Fatal Sound Pollution. Yeah. Number two.

Illicit Meat. Oh, I love it. We had that one just yesterday. I love it. And the number one. Number one, Phil. Drum roll. The fanfare. Drum roll.

All of it, please. Playground Warlord. Yay! The best! Playground Warlord.

And their first album is Hour Long Malling. Oh, my favorite. All right, I think I have time to mention these last few. Missing Biscuits. Flag Team Rejects. Bobcat Attack. Rat Czar. Those are the honorable mentions. There you go. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.