Absurd Truth: Dana's Halloween Traditions

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. So I've heard of a lot of things in life. I hear people taking, you know, they get Ubers or something like that for different things. This Florida Man took an Uber to kill someone. Oh, but there's more he paid the Uber driver $100 to wait for him. So after he killed his target, then he could get back into the Uber.

For real, I'm not even making this up. Claudio Samoya was sentenced to life in prison this month because he was convicted of killing a man in a hotel parking lot in 2021. So it's making news now because he was convicted just this week. So it was during the second trial following a mistrial. The guy was found guilty of first degree murder for fatally killed. Of course he did. 23 year old Jamal Drummond in the, he shot him in the head.

At a Holiday Inn in West Palm Beach. Now, the testimony came from people who witnessed it and also the Uber driver Enzo Ramirez. Because the dude took the Uber to go kill this guy paid $100 to drop him off at the hotel and then waited for him across the street at a gas station. And Ramirez said Samoya returned to the vehicle visibly upset 15 minutes later. And he was talking to somebody on the phone and crying when he, he, said as he drove some way back home, but he did not know entirely what he was saying. And then he said that, yeah, he Oh my gosh, he like found out that the guy he literally took a guy to do it to like kill this dude. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. So yeah, now the guys Yeah, so his only word I've heard of a lot of things, but that's one of the stupidest things I think I've ever heard.

Mm hmm. It's a DeSoto County Sheriff. They're asking for the public's help to find the driver of a white Chevrolet Silverado impersonating law enforcement. The truck bears the license plate H05 F41. It has red and blue lights and plastered on the side in capital letters are the words booty patrol.

It's a real honest to heaven thing. So they the headline says that cops are searching. This sounds like I need Richard Attenborough to read this headline that Florida deputies are on the hunt for the elusive booty patrol roaming the streets and pulling drivers over.

So deputies say that they're looking for this. I mean, it looks like a city worker vehicle, like maybe with like Highway Patrol or not Highway Department of Transportation or something. Were it not for the giant booty patrol plastered on literally both sides of the truck. So they're telling people if he has green decals on it, and it says booty patrol and if you see it, you know, you're supposed to contact the police. Oh, sorry, it has booty patrol on both sides and on the back. The back end of the truck. Yeah, back tailgate. So they're apparently just booty patrols just pulling people over.

And just, you know, for no reason. They said they're trying to ensure the safety of the community. But they said yes, you know, if you see it, it's suspicious.

You know, don't pull over contact police, etc. booty patrol. Really?

Did someone think? I mean, people know that that's you can't do that, right? Like you can't impersonate under do they issue tickets? What booty will pay for tickets?

It doesn't say and I feel like that's like an important thing to know, right? Right. Like if like, are you pulling in your booty patrols?

Are you patrolling booty? I don't understand. I'm just asking a question.

Yeah, I don't know. Also, let's see here another. Oh, there was a guy who is got in trouble for eating. I don't know how one eats pasta belligerently, but a drunk Florida man was arrested outside of Olive Garden because he ate pasta and he ate it belligerently through through spaghetti at people. 32 year old Ben Padgett and was placed under arrest for disorderly intoxication. Did he get the article doesn't say whether or not he got drunk at the Olive Garden. Florida man was mistaken as dead after offender bender, but he's very much alive. He said no, I am Moises Ramos says that he's very much alive.

He's a real estate broker 51 years old from Miami. He got a little fender bender pulling out of his driveway a couple of years ago. He filed an insurance claim went about his life until he tried to become an Uber driver last year. And they said no, no, no, you were killed in a car crash. You can't be an Uber driver. They and he and he says what he goes Yeah, you're you're dead. You can't be an Uber driver. They literally said this to him.

They're like you're dead. You actually can't be an Uber driver. He's like that's not possible. USA Today has the story. And he had to get into the Cutler Bay Police Department. He had to go figure out what happened. I mean, clearly it was like human error. But he said that it took months to get this changed. And it didn't. He wasn't able to do anything until he went to seven news, Miami helped me Howard. And they had that literally the local news crew had to help pressure the state.

Because they said he's dead. So they're finally getting that since crazy. Keltech the sub 2k, great Florida company, a longtime fan of their designs. And for everybody out there who hikes and goes out and touches grass, you know, like you should the cell the Keltech sub 2k. This is the carbine that's been filling that pistol caliber carbine gap, you got options for several popular magazines with this.

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That's keltechweapons.com. Tell them that Dana sent you. I'm dressed as a goth cupcake. Just as Wednesday Adams.

I'm the only one here who's dressed up. Give us the memo. I just figure how long have you known me? How long have we known each other Kane? It's been a long time.

I'm here on the show which you can listen coast to coast and stream and watch on 347 direct TV, YouTube, Facebook, Kane. How long have we known each other? A long time.

It's been at least 10 years. Is there literally ever a question of me not going at least 30% on Halloween? Oh, yeah, no, you're more than 30%.

Oh, I'm like really like this year because I've been so busy. 30% you're you're what you think is light going light for Halloween is some other people's hundred percent. So Oh, if I got to do what I wanted to do, sidebar, so you guys know what I wanted to do. You know, so one of my favorite places on earth. It is my six flags. It's my silver dollar city. It is my theme park. It's Costco. One of my favorite places in the world.

If you said Dana, what is a good night for you? It I mean, it would end up with me getting a giant diet fountain drink and going to Costco, and having a giant cart with my giant fountain drink, and walking around and looking and just partaking in the experience. That is mass quantities.

That is mass quantities. I mean, I love that I can go. And if you want you Oh, you want a can of whipping cream because you're too damn lazy to make it yourself at home.

How about three? And then they always got the food samples, right? It's so great. I mean, and then I didn't even get into the holiday decor. Oh, my. So Juan's first spotted it and then I started stalking them. They the giant were they like 12 feet tall, I think something crazy tall skeletons. So what I wanted to do is, well, first off, I wanted to do like a Vlad Tapish kind of thing because Vlad Tapish is a hero. And I wanted to do like the severed heads on all my fence posts. And Chris was like, that might be a little bit too much. So I'm like, okay, can I just do like a whole herd of the giant skeletons Allah attack on Titan if you watch anime, and just have like giant Titans in my yard giant Titan skeletons for Halloween. Ah, yeah, I mean, to me, that sounds like a great idea.

And it was really hard to source it. And then my husband, who is like the rip to my Beth was like, that might be a lot. So let's roll it back just a little bit. So I am a werewolf. But I wanted like a whole I mean, if if I had my way, you wouldn't be able to walk near my house. That's some kind of animatronic something going off.

And they have like really good ones. Like I want stuff that flies out of trees. I want stuff that looks like it's crawling out of the ground. You know, when we when when we first started doing a Halloween after we got our own house, and we were adults, and we moved to the we moved out. We went a little overboard and no, no child wanted to come to our house because we had the fog machine, and strobe lights and monsters inside. And we of course dressed up and it was like too crazy. And then when our kids were our kids, like we're raised in this. So nothing was ever too crazy for them. Like they love zombies and monsters and all this stuff. It's just you know how we do. And I mean, my youngest, my youngest son used to dress up as the Grim Reaper, he took his cousin's graduation robe, and he begged for a plastic knife from Target when he was like four years old. And you know, he even during Christmas, he'd wanted to run around as the Grim Reaper.

I don't know, we just did it. And so they were raised in this. So we'd never really had a beat on what was too scary. You know, so it we were that house. But I always did give big candy. So the kids would brave it.

I like to think that we helped the kids develop character because they had to brave the craziness that we had and to come get the big candy bars. So anyway, it's just but I wanted that came, you know, to get back to my original point, I wanted a giant Attack on Titan army of skeletons in my yard, all individually lit. That's a large idea that takes more than a month or two just to create I literally have it all constructed.

It's the only time I've ever been interested in engineering. I have it all figured out in my head how this would work and not blow over in the Texas fall wind. I'm really proud of myself. So guys, maybe, maybe, but you know, the other idea that I had, that's not the big idea, Kane. The big idea.

Are you guys ready for this? Wait, that wasn't the No, that is like the small like, meh idea. Okay, so here's the big idea, right?

Okay, here it is. Imagine this like somebody's yard. But it's like a skeleton Armageddon scene.

The forces of good fighting the forces of evil. Yes, that's what I want in my front yard for Halloween. Right? That's what I want. In addition to the Attack on Titans?

Yeah, they'd be a part of it. Wow. Yeah. I know. I am jealous of my imaginary yard in my head.

It's that great. A lot of bones for Yes, I have no and Chris is like, Dana, where are we going to put this? Are you nuts? Where are we putting this at? I'm like, I don't know. But how amazing would that be? Like, you could make it look like a Renaissance painting. It would be so cool.

But you would have like the good versus the evil. And maybe we could get, you know, maybe I could get like a truck to dump some dirt in. And I could just like, you know, make a hill where they're charging to that.

I don't know. Like, I have all these grand ideas that I just, you know, just for that. Right? Now, that's the big idea came. And it would all have to be artfully and individually lit. Because lighting is a big part, you know, you guys get it.

Lighting is a big part of this. You just, you know, people listening to me are going, she's nuts. No, welcome. Hi, I'm Dana. That's this welcome to my mind. This is the kind of stuff that I asked Chris about at night as he's literally right in the in the embrace of sleep. He's right there teetering on the edge. And he's bringing something in. And I'll be like, how can I make a realistic flame look like, you know, it's six feet tall from the road.

And he's just like, the hell is wrong with you? Why are you? Why? Why are you doing this? Yeah, bring it in here.

People who are not watching the simulcast, we're just it's a little. So this is one of the this guy's not even realistic looking. No, no, he's not at all.

I don't find this to be scary. He's not even gonna lower and there he is. There he is. My friend.

He's not even he's not even realistic looking. Are you? But I have we have all we have all kinds of these things all over the house. All over the house. Kane, I have a little I have like an arm eating person. I have like a dead all kinds of candles.

You've got it all. As a matter of fact, I think one year for Christmas I got you the the tin that you can make like skull. I have it and I've used it like religious like cakes with Yeah, skull cupcake. Yeah, I've made those and you can also do jello molds.

Right. See, just saying do jello molds as well. So you know, we got a lot of you got a lot of stuff happening. Happy Halloween, everybody. Yeah, we take it sick because you know what you need to have fun. You need to have be whimsical. I like the whimsy now don't think that I you know, don't don't misunderstand me about my love for Jesus's birthday, our Lord Savior, because so here's my other big idea. And then I'm going to get to the other stuff.

We got a lot of other stuff to hit. I'm sorry, but you know, just indulge me for a minute. I make gave myself fake bangs today for you people. So the other thing that I want to do is I want a giant nativity. My husband also makes fun of the way I say it, I can't help it. It's the Ozark way and it is the correct way.

Pellow and milk are also appropriate. So I have to say too, I want a giant nativity. I have no idea where I would put it. But I when I say giant, I mean like human sized.

Although an Attack on Titan nativity would be amazing. But Kane, I don't know how you find them, or where because the ones that I've seen that are not $11 trillion. Half of the national debt. They are smaller, and they're not they just if you need to either have them small or life size. Anything else is weird. I'm like, are there munchkins in the yard?

Like what's happening? It's odd. Although that's actually an idea I haven't had yet. Just like go straight up munchkins. Like if you can find life size munchkins from Wizard of Oz and dress them up, but then that's like weird.

Anyway, my whole point is that that's the thing I would like a life size like I again storage, no idea where I'd put these things. Maybe they would just stay out there all year. I don't know. Why not? They could stay out there. I could put pilgrim heads on them and their grass doesn't grow under the shade of bones.

You can't not as bones like a nativity. Well, but the Titans Yes, that would be interesting. Just leave that out all year. That would be funny. Why?

Why some people leave their Christmas lights out all year for ambiance. You want? So describe the scene of all the skeletons.

Well, like my dream scenario, or just like the basic. What the heck was that? I have no clue. Just the scene. Obviously, the Attack on Titans is 12 foot skeletons. You know, like, scaling the house doing? No, no, no, I want an Armageddon scene. Yeah, where it's good versus evil. Maybe they're a trebuchet in there with a specially lit skull. It looks like it's on fire. You know, like have like, you know, all that kind of stuff happening.

12 12 months out of the year. Well, I mean, for Halloween, that'd be great, right? But you can't keep it in your yard is what I'm saying. I mean, I don't have HOA. I don't know if that's the point. I'm just saying yards are boring.

I am 12. Anyway, everyone's like, Dana, if you're just it's my show, I do what I want. Kids, come on, new partner to the show. It's a film from the people behind sound of freedom and the chosen. And it's called after death. It's a deep dive into different people's experiences near death experiences. It's by Angel Studios in this new film looks at the ultimate mystery of what happens from the perspective of individuals that it's based around their own personal experiences. And it looks at the realm beyond it uses these first person accounts, but it also incorporates a lot of scientific knowledge to give a really insightful picture of what life could possibly be like in the next realm. It's rated PG 13.

And it features a whole host of experts in science, philosophy and medicine and each bring their own unique insight into the phenomenon of the near death experience. And so you can find a theater near you and purchase tickets online at angel.com slash Dana, and it's in theaters, it's going to be in theaters. And you can also do the pay it forward where you can provide free tickets for others to see the film as well. And you can access all of that at angel.com slash Dana or if you're you know, the price of a ticket, something that's keeping you from going, you should go again to the website because you can get a free ticket there. So leave your preconceptions at the door and prepare for a never before seen glimpse into what the next life could entail in after death in theaters now to get your tickets today or pay it forward.

Visit angel.com slash Dana, that's angel.com slash Dana after death, the end is only the beginning rated PG 13. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. I'm gonna keep this thing I figured out.

Well, let me talk about on a break. Let me give you the headlines first. Okay, so the Treasury is going to borrow $776 billion in the first in the final three months of the year. And why I can I just say Janet Yellen is like literally Lord of the Rings character. Dude looks like she looks like she's a Baggins is she's a member of the Baggins family. Like she's gonna come out.

You know, I mean, I'm just saying. So CNBC has the story. They say that it's a it's a an announcement that came yesterday afternoon. The Treasury Department is looking to borrow more money. Yay, debt.

Yay. They said they actually want to wait. You thought that 776 billion was it? No, no, no, no, no, no, it's actually going to be about 816 billion between January and March. They said it's 10 days after the government said that the fiscal 2023 budget deficit is going to be about $1.7 trillion. Yeah, I'm $1.7 trillion. Don't you feel so good about I'm so glad that we're all responsible with our money.

So the government doesn't have to be. Yay. McDonald's revenue stores, but it's hiking its prices. Gosh, who could have solved that coming? Who could have thought that that was going to happen? And Biden inflation?

Who thought? They said that it you could I mean, it's 14%. But they said that it's driven by the strategic menu price increases.

They brought in a total of 6.69 billion for the three month period ending in September. But they said that, you know, they're also they're the Big Mac combo is $13.69. But that's at the McDonald's in Times Square, though everything in Times Square is like that don't ever if you're ever in New York, never go to Times Square for anything. Unless you love being accosted by by like street hustlers.

You love the smell of urine and pretzels. You just love total crowds and you have no idea if there's a terrorist or anybody in there. And you just like all hell miserable, miserable, miserable hell, then go to Times Square. That's for you. If you want to eat a crappy chain restaurants that are overpriced with horrible service where you're gonna have to wait for three hours for a cold piece of meat. By all means go to Times Square and eat there. That's great for you. You know, I'm just saying that's great for you.

You'll love it. Let's see this. Oh, Krispy Kreme. Listen, this is Krispy Kreme is they drop on worries that Ozympic is going to hit the donut demand.

Really? That is that it's that bad where people are now saying it's gonna be donuts. That they said that it's the weight loss drug because it's a drug for everything.

They say that investors are worried about stock. That just means, Kane, it's more donuts for you and I. So that means we're I'm just don't they have Halloween donuts?

You know, I can have them delivered. I just realized that right now. How am I just now realizing this?

Just like me and all my friends are like realizing stuff. We believe in the Krispy Kreme model said some business guy who I don't care about. Let's see.

Also, I just like the donuts. Best states for off grid living. Texas is number two. So who's number one? So they said Texas is number two.

In all of Yeah, they said that's all about climate land availability regulations, natural resources. Alabama is number one. Bama is number one. Stick with us. We got more in store. So I had a fundraiser. We had a campaign kickoff and all this stuff last night for the mayor of our town. Everybody should you should you should be involved. You should be at every mayoral campaign kickoff in your town. You should be at your city count. We go to the city council stuff. We're at the judge, the county commissioners, the judges, the school. I mean, we you you need to be involved in all of this because all politics is local and you absolutely better judge people. And here's why. These people if you're not involved locally, why the hell should anyone care about your opinions on national issues?

If you cannot even be prevailed upon to take care of your own backyard, your own where you live, then why should anyone take you seriously when you're looking at the national level? So we were there last night, but when I came back, I said this this I'm explaining this to you because I was a little cranky. I was tired. I'd been up. I had a really long day yesterday. We get back a dinner suit.

I barely dinner a dinner super late didn't get back home until like a little after 10 o'clock. And then by the time I was exhausted by the time I was going to bed, and I ended up seeing this on on X last night, and I forgot she existed. I felt like that movie. I felt like Tombstone the scene when Val Kilmer who should have won an Oscar for his portrayals Doc Holliday, which is one of the best portrayals of any character I've ever seen on in cinema, but I digress.

It's when he was talking to Wyatt Earp and then the Billy Bob Thornton's character and that's when he had a lot of weight on him. We're standing there and Doc Holliday goes, Oh, I forgot you will they are and I felt like the same way reading this from Gretchen Carlson. So she is talking about my friend Ben Shapiro, who's saying he's not going to give up his AR-15. She retweets it and I kid you not, this is like legit hurt woman retweets this. And she writes with her own finger.

She thought this with her her little brain. She tweeted, quote, ordinary people didn't have AR-15s before 2004. They're not some time honored American tradition. They're a recent mistake that we could fix and save 1000s of lives in the process. Um, I'm sorry, what?

Someone said the sources are dude, trust me. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life. And I retweeted it. And I said Gretchen should stick to beauty pageants.

Kane, what's the saying that I have when someone says something very dumb? Yeah, I'm aware. I'm aware of it. Should I share? I know you don't think I should. Okay.

No, you can intimate what it all means. Yeah, I mean, I don't go to the I'm just saying I don't go to the house. So she doesn't need to be you know, come in and set. Happy Halloween, everybody. Yeah, happy.

I love this like situational mute. Well, so here's the thing. First off, that's wrong. Because it's been invented. It's been out there for a long time. It's a modern sporting rifle. I was I had retweeted it.

And I said, I'm like Gretchen needs to she needs to stick with beauty pageants. Because that's embarrassing. That's not even accurate. I mean, it's not even remotely accurate. I mean, the idea the airfield it's been around for a long modern sporting rifles been around for a super long time.

It's been around for a very, very long time. And you know, the I love how they all think to that every single rifle. It's Oh, it's black. That makes it shootier. Kane Gretchen facts. Did you know that rifles when they're painted black, it makes the bullets come out faster. Hashtag Gretchen facts. f a c k s Gretchen Carlson facts.

How fortunate that she has to share a lesson with Tucker. They're not really but yeah, anything that has optics on it makes it shoot here. If you put a sticker on it, it makes it shoot here.

Do you know that game? So dangerous. Do you know the Mount Rushmore was carved with an AR 15.

So dangerous it is. Do you know when they were testing? They told everyone came that they were testing nuclear devices in the bikini at all. They weren't.

They were shooting AR 15. Oh, my gosh. Just crazy. Hashtag science.

Hashtag facts Gretchen facts. I should have been hurt for Halloween, but I can't go that long being stupid. I just can't. How would you someone says that to you?

That was such conviction. Where do these people come from? It's like Martin. They're like Martians.

Where do they come from? And they say this is such conviction. Well, yes, you know, we've never had before 2004. No one had AR 15. It's crazy. Everything's an AR 15. Every rifle that I don't know is an AR 15. Good heavens, she the comment section is going should be a book.

Actually, it should. It's one of the most amazing things ever. First off, she's not correct at all whatsoever. I mean, people have been buying I mean, this thing has been around for what? Good grief.

50s longer. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's been around for forever. And just to add, it's also the firearm that's like the most well behaved firearm that's out there. I say that somewhat facetiously, because it is an inanimate object and people choose of their own volition to do good or bad things with them. But I mean, the it is involved literally in the least amount of criminal activity.

The least amount. And so, for her to say, well, we could say thousands of you know, what would save thousands of lives is if you know, we had no crime Gretsch. Can I just also add, I have never if your name's I've only met like two Gretsch ins that I like in my life.

What is up with like a lot of the Gretsch ins out there. If you're a Gretchen and you're listening to the show, we'd probably get a lot of along. But you know what I mean? Like sometimes you just meet a people, an inordinate amount of some of the same name person that you don't like. And you're like, what is up with this name? Everybody that I don't like is named this. Right? That are you run into a people who's I don't know, I guess that's how the Karen phenomenon kicked off.

I don't know. But dang, you got big Gretsch. You got big Gretsch up in Michigan.

Big Gretsch Whitmer. She's like the Paul Bunyan in a dress. And then you got Gretchen Carlson.

Good grief. Can I even to tell you story? I'm kind of met Gretchen Carlson once I because I've been I've done stuff with Fox for a number of years. She was one of the rudest people I've ever met. Oh, my gosh, she was not nice. She was one of the rudest people I've ever met in my life. When I can't I'm trying to think back when this was I think it was when my first book was out.

Hands off my gun. And I had to go to she was still at Fox and I went to Fox I was doing the first week that your book comes out. It's hell on earth because you do media and if you already work on radio, you're doing three hours of radio a day already. But you also have like all the media hits and you're doing all kinds of media.

And it's nonstop from morning till night and you do all the late night hits all of that. And so for that's like for a full week, your first full week push and so was up in New York and I was getting ready to go on Fox and Friends and I was in the green room and she was doing like a guest segment on something. She was still there. She was in a different day part. But she was there and you know, you go into the green room and everybody's very nice and other guests who are there waiting that you know, everybody always introduces themselves that they don't know each other already.

And you know, greetings, salutations, etc. And I said, you know, hello to her and she just kind of looked at me and then took and then took a sip of coffee got up and left. She was one of the rudest people I have ever met in this industry. And I don't really I can't really say that about a lot of people because I've met everybody's always the only other person who was really kind of cold to me was Barbara Walters. And even like Whoopi Goldberg when I did The View had pity on me. But it was fine. But um, yeah, Gretchen Carlson was meaner than her. She was like one of the like rudest people I've ever met in my life. And I was just like, golly, I mean, my thought in my head was, what a bish. But, you know, I didn't say anything. I was like, okay, and me and my husband looked at each other. And there was another guest in there. And we all just kind of looked at each other. And it was Anyway, so you know, goes to show you I mean, now I was like, Oh, she hates my book. That's why she was, you know, now in hindsight, I'm like, Oh, it's because she's a gun grabber and she hates guns. And it was literally a book about guns.