Absurd Truth: Halloween DEI

What happens when we die? From Angel Studios, the force behind Sound of Freedom and The Chosen comes an unprecedented deep dive into the phenomena of near-death experiences in the new movie After Death. After Death makes a courageous venture into a hotly debated, mysterious subject by comparing near-death experience with cutting-edge scientific knowledge. Hear from experts in the fields of science, philosophy, and medicine, as well as first-hand experiences of people who have lived through death as they paint a fascinating picture of life in the next realm. This groundbreaking project responds to the soul's innate desire to find meaning in life and solace in the future.

Come see it for yourself or pay it forward by providing a free ticket for others to see the film. Leave your preconceptions at the door and prepare for a never-before-seen glimpse into what the next life could entail in After Death, opening October 27th. Get your tickets today or pay it forward at Angel.com slash Dana. That's Angel.com slash Dana. After Death. The end is only the beginning. Rated PG-13.

Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right, so first up, a Florida Man hides a gator in a garage. He said he didn't want someone to eat it. I mean, I just don't think people go running around randomly eating gators like that, other people's pets or something.

But, you know, I could be wrong. I don't know. So, first up, Florida Man, he said he didn't. It was in a 35-gallon aquarium in his garage. And a Florida wildlife officer, Fish and Wildlife, responded to the Orlando home, 28-year-old Christopher Abelard. He goes, I love how they just say, an FWC officer responded to an Orlando home where he questioned 28-year-old Christopher Abelard if there was an alligator in or outside the home. The officer said that Christopher grinned at the question and then opened a garage, revealing a three-and-a-half-foot American alligator in a 35-gallon aquarium tank. The man told the officer he didn't know anything about the gator, which he said was his dad's. He also shot showed off five boa constrictors. But he said that the reason that he keeps them in the tank is he didn't want someone to run it over, pick it up, take it home and eat it.

So they had to seize it because that's like a first-degree misdemeanor. You can't just keep a gator. I don't know.

You just can randomly keep a gator. I mean, this is America. A Florida man threatens to break an officer's throat for calling his wife about his, calling out his wife over her belligerent pool behavior. Now, the guy's last name is Parrot, Lyle Parrot. He is a resident of the villages. He was, yes, he's a villager. He was arrested like that from Minecraft over the weekend for threatening police officers.

64-year-old Lyle Parrot. He was in a drunken brawl at the pool. They said that he was smoking and his wife was being drunk. And he told an officer, quote, I'm going to break your throat.

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KelTecWeapons.com. The New Jersey, this New Jersey school, the South Orange Maplewood School District in New Jersey, they're not doing any costumes, parties, or parades. You know, something that could unite everybody, all the kids into doing stuff, just have fun. They sent out a letter to parents saying that they're not going to have in-class Halloween anything because they have a commitment to equity and inclusion. I don't understand what that has to do with equity and inclusion.

I don't get it. They said students at all grade levels are forbidden from wearing costumes in the school district. They sound so fun.

That was like one of the fun things in childhood to do, wasn't it? It was the superintendent, and they said they're trying to be more inclusive. I don't understand how she doesn't actually get an explain into how she thinks that. So by excluding everyone, she's being inclusive? I mean, isn't Halloween the one time when, you know, as humans, we kind of do things properly? You know, you're nice to everybody, no matter how weird they are, and you give them candy, right?

And everybody gets along, no matter the weirdness, because you know what I'm saying? So why is this? She doesn't actually, like most people, she says, you know, after careful consideration, this is the superintendent. She says, as well as recommendations from some parent committees, we want to make our schools inclusive. What does that have to do with inclusive? Inclusivity?

What do kids mostly dress up as for Halloween? I mean, are there monsters that are going to feel excluded? They don't actually get into this. They said it's about equity and inclusion. And they don't want anyone's feelings hurt. They said that they think that does it violate the dignity of families, that students and families, either culturally or religiously? That was one of the things.

Does it create tensions with equity and access values? Is there like a Frankenstein family? Like, I'm trying to, I dressed up one year literally as a haunted house. I was in a sandwich board. You know how that sucked? Because I couldn't sit down.

I was so bad. I've dressed up as everything. At one time, because I was so poor growing up.

We're real poor. And I need to post this picture. My mom had, all we had was like this postal hat, a Schlitz beer shirt and a flannel. And my mom dressed me up. She said it was a hobo.

But looking back, it was a baby Juggalo, if I'm being honest, right? And Steve just asked me what Schlitz is. Kane, would you like to tell our millennial what Schlitz is? At that time, a famous brand of beer. The other brands that we've forgotten about from back in that day has also been like Stag and Falstaff.

Remember Falstaff? No, but I know of it. No, but I know of it.

Are you sure this isn't one of your Missouri things that I don't know about and you say it's your generation? Yeah, it is though. It totally is. It kind of is.

Yeah, kind of. Stag, totally. Stag was an Illinois beer and it came in a gold can. It was the cheapest beer, but it was the fanciest looking, right? It had a literal Stags head and it was a gold can.

Until Pabst put out their blue ribbon. Yeah, but that's not, I'm sorry, that can't come. Yeah, but gold can. Gold can.

Gold can. Okay, like it'd be empty and still fancy, right? Only empty beer can that also is fancy. Anyway, my whole point is Schlitz shirt and an old flannel and then I had a crunched up beer can.

And that was in my shirt pocket. So I was a hobo. I don't know of any actual living hobos. So I don't know how like hobo families that kind of, there isn't that kind of oxymoronic because hobos are loners. So there's not like a hobo family that would have its values offended. And what are the hobo values like sitting on trains? Like I don't, I'm trying to understand here. Don't be hobo-phobic.

Yeah. But in reality, I look back and I was a baby Juggalo. I'm like, Mom, this is Juggalo makeup. I also was a vampire one year and I had this dress that I think I got at TJ Maxx, that she got me a TJ Maxx and it was basically a giant Cosby sweater. But it was a dress that went down on my calves. And I, my mom, even though it was the early 90s, my mom was an adherent to 80s hair, like all the way up until it.

I mean, she's probably, she was probably responsible for most of the ozone depletion. And she made my hair look like hers. And I had this crazy hair.

It was like 1991, 92. And here I was a kid in my Cosby sweater. And then she did again, the makeup. It was like a Juggalo vampire. I don't know what her obsession was with that type of, you know, anyway. Oh, one year she dressed me up as a prostatot. Now I say prostatot, but it was Madonna, right?

Didn't even look like Madonna. She dressed me up as Madonna one year, but I didn't, I wasn't wearing like the cone bra or anything. I was wearing, again, flannel.

Flannel was always a part of most of her costume concepts, right? It was the flannel and then she tied like a scarf around it and like did my hair up all weird. That's when I had a mullet for some reason.

I had a, I was a nine year old, 10 year old, 10 year old is probably 10 year old. And I had a mullet, don't know how that happened. And she like jazzed it all up, 80s style and heavy makeup. And I look back now, you wouldn't know that's Madonna because you had no idea.

I just look like a prostatot. I don't, would that offend like the prostitute family at that school? Like is there a family of sex workers at that school that it would have offended? Or what about the time I was in a sandwich board and I went as a haunted house? I went as an actual structure. Would that have offended a structural family that, you know, maybe they identify, maybe there's like an always sunny sort of thing where instead of the woman identifying as a cat, like there's a family that identifies as actual buildings. I don't know.

Like what do they talk about when they say it violates the dignity of students and families? I mean, I literally am going to play this card so hard for the rest of my life. I literally had a family member who was hung off the Carolinas, last name Sutton as U-T-T-O-N for piracy. Hung for piracy. He was a pirate and he was convicted of piracy and he was hung. Now, if I see people dressed as pirates or National Talk Like a Pirate Day, you don't see me going out there going, my culture isn't your costume and all that other stuff, right?

So there's not like any pirate families that would be offended. I'm just saying. Steve asks, which Madonna video was I? That's the thing. Like she was just, her idea of Madonna was just a ton of, a whole bunch of makeup. She put like all this, I'm going to find a picture.

I'm going to find a picture and I'll send it to Juan. And if we don't show it today, we'll show it tomorrow. But that was the thing. So I'm just, this is like the one time, Halloween is the one time where you're encouraged to talk to strangers.

This is actually, the more I talk about it, it's actually bad for kids for like a safety aspect. But your urge to talk to strangers, be nice to weirdos and share candy. That's like the one time humans are told, aside from Christmas, to be nice to people, right? Like be nice to people. And now, like what?

You're saying that it violates what? Is there someone who's, is there a fairy family that's going to be upset? I'm trying to think of like, give me a basic costume, Kane. I went as a football player one day. Is there?

Okay, that's not gonna. That's pretty basic. Steve, what have you gone as? I've done sports. One time I did a serial killer, but instead of, I was, I wrapped boxes of like Honey Nut Cheerios. So I was like a serial with a C. You guys want to hear the stupidest costume ever?

Yes. So when I was a sophomore in high school, because I was like, you know, very academic. I went as a feeling. I'm not kidding you.

How the hell did you do that? I dressed in red and I went as anger. But I was pretty chill that day. So it was just made no point. This nose pointless. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I thought I was being real clever. I go back and slap the tar out of myself. You stupid.

Was it this feeling? Yeah, you know what? I mean, she has brown hair normally. So I mean, but I, you wouldn't know. You'd have been like, that woman dressed her kid up as a prosthetite. And I'm like, it's Madonna. Same thing.

I don't know. Is that when Material Girl was? Yeah, but she had blonde hair and she was trying to be Marilyn Monroe. So you would think that at least she'd have got me a blonde wig. Right.

But her costumes always revolved around flannel shirts, juggalo makeup, and 80s hair. Yeah, that was a bum one year too. You went as a bum. Hobo.

Right. Different from a regular bum. Do you know why? Because hobos can have trains, bums don't.

Potato tomato. We're learning all about vagrants today on The Dana Show. All right, as we get moving, there's a difference. What happens when we die? From Angel Studios, the force behind Sound of Freedom and The Chosen comes an unprecedented deep dive into the phenomena of near-death experiences in the new movie After Death. After Death makes a courageous venture into a hotly debated, mysterious subject by comparing near-death experience with cutting edge scientific knowledge. Hear from experts in the fields of science, philosophy, and medicine, as well as firsthand experiences of people who have lived through death as they paint a fascinating picture of life in the next realm. This groundbreaking project responds to the soul's innate desire to find meaning in life and solace in the future.

Come see it for yourself or pay it forward by providing a free ticket for others to see the film. Leave your preconceptions at the door and prepare for a never before seen glimpse into what the next life could entail in After Death, opening October 27th. Get your tickets today or pay it forward at angel.com slash Dana. That's angel.com slash Dana. After Death, the end is only the beginning.

Rated PG-13. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. Interesting. So apparently a common fungus can trigger what's called a key player in Alzheimer's.

They say statins are linked to Alzheimer's. But you have thoughts on this, Kane. You think that this is... I can't say what you think it is. It's BS. That's what I think it is. That's not what you wrote though. No, it isn't.

No. But yeah, this is the airwaves. It's a link between a common fungus and Alzheimer's though. It's Candidia albicans.

It enters the brain and it triggers mechanisms that aid in its clearance and it generates toxic protein fragments. So it's not a new fungus is basically what I'm saying. But Alzheimer's is relatively new when you look at the history of it in medicine. So please stop with this. Yes, yes. It's fun science. Fake science. Fun science.

Yeah, I'm just gonna make stuff up. A man used a machete on a skateboarder that he thought was a fish, say police, in one of the stupidest stories ever. It's in Salt Lake KSL. A man was accused of attacking a skateboarder with a machete because he thought the skateboarder was a fish. Ryan Davis, 23, was booked into Salt Lake County Jail. Aggravated assault. According to the affidavit, the dude was skateboarding on the sidewalk where people skateboard because they're people and they're not fish. Just before 1 a.m. when the man passed Davis, Davis just produced a large machete and swung it at the victim, striking him on the left forearm, causing a half inch laceration.

It's going to require stitches. And Davis says he thought he said he stated that he was attempting to cause the victim harm because he thought the victim was a fish. Davis previously was convicted of three counts of attempted aggravated assault, where he approached three fast food employees and threatened them with a knife while demanding food.

He was given credit for 42 days he had already served in jail and was placed on two years probation. So I just am trying to figure out the fish part. Like, how does how does that how do you mistake a person for that? And then secondly, why is that scary to you to the point where you like roll out a machete?

And third, who carries around a machete like that? You know, I'm just saying. Two hundred thousand dollars. The theft of two million dimes from a truckload of coins that was leaving from the U.S. Mint has left four people facing federal charges. It's not free change, although I am shocked that there is change still. There's coinage. I mean, I like that there's coinage, but it is you know, it's kind of weird. Some people who are dumb are taking a survey saying that should Halloween always be the last Saturday in October? It should always be October 31st.

Always stop it with this stuff. Like sands through the hourglass. So are the days of the United States.

And you know, that all remembrance promise at the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them period. Did he did he just pull a Ron Burgundy? Yes. Again, and read the period? Yes. Okay. So I thought so president. Everything's a joke.

You know what I want to do? There's this place that we have in our town. It's and I don't like normally I like to purchase my own baked goods or to make my own baked goods, not buy them. But it's a they ought to advertise on the show for as much as we get them. It's the Bundt cake place.

I don't want to say their name, because you got to pay for that pretty much already said I'm a capitalist. But I just want to go and get a whole bunch of them. And just eat those. I mean, if the world's gonna go to hell, why not just like that one lady, I'm just gonna stay home and eat bread desserts and get all fat and sassy. Why not just do that? Right?

I mean, if the world's gonna go to hell, why not just do that? Good heavens, period. Oh, wait. You can't put it in there. Ron reads everything that you put in there. It's Ron Burgundy. Except Ron Burgundy could like couldn't play the flute. Yeah, even I just I'm gonna stop right there.

Because otherwise, this joke is just never gonna end. And Ron Burgundy character seems smarter even. Yeah, yeah. character we've got the Ron Burgundy character at least had some measurable skills. I don't know what skills Joe Biden has other than what? griffin? Is that a skill?

Or is that luck? I think people give him a pass now because he's old. I honestly think he tries to act old and more feeble than he really is. There should be like a test. How feeble are you? Let's just see. Should we feel sorry for you? Like a literal presidential fitness test?

Why is it that the Yeah, I you have to take those in school, which I like, like meddled out every time. Like I was ace on that. What if it's the president?

I just don't think you should call it that if the President of the United States can't even do it. You know, get these these old dudes out there. I'm just saying valid point. I'm super cynical. I think it's the weather here. It's been real goth here in Texas. Nonstop rain. Everything's flooded.

Texas isn't used to this much rain. I don't know what's happening. It's all weird. Everything's horrible.

Kane and I are have sinus pressure. We're complaining about it nonstop, like elderly people. It's just it's got our president who reads the stuff you're not supposed to read on the teleprompter. Mass murders in Maine terrorists and college campuses terrorists in Israel trying to kill Israelis. So Thursday, yeah, it's only I mean, you know, we at least made it to Thursday.

For the love, we at least made it that far. So like I said, you know, just like go get some of the bunkhates and just make some bread and desserts and get all fancy. I got to find that soundbite now. Because I have it in my head like one would have a song. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.