Absurd Truth: Gold Bars

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. Oh my gosh. So alright, I told you before my youngest son has like a list of rules that we've kept since he was a kid, right?

Because he says some of the funniest things. And one of those is if you're going to stretch do it privately. Saying that he has. Well, this headline goes right into with that Florida woman allegedly attacked two people at the pool for doing inappropriate stretches. This story's a nice buckle up. Amanda Ferragamo 41 not of that Ferragamo family was arrested in Sumter County, Florida after the incident early Sunday morning, the female victim told deputy she and a male victim were doing stretches when Ferragamo smacked them and shoved them both. She stated that the defendant accused them both of doing inappropriate activities and begin to shove her and smacked her across the face. The female victim had a red mark on her face. The 41 year old woman who she's got a crazy jaw line I got to say that's a strong jaw.

That is an unaltered photo. And she she looks very pleased with herself in her mugshot. The male victim told the deputy quote she blanking attacked us she's blank.

The deputy said that the female had a red mark on her face. Apparently I don't know if they are I guess they're they were honest or whether or not they were they were connected Ferragamo and the man but yeah, they were stretching and they were attacked as you know, because stretching is something you should do privately. I guess she's one of those people who believe that I don't know. Let's see. Did you guys hear this story or see the story this had to do with a a bunch of Florida women who were tossing a baby around before a fight broke out.

Dude. It was in Daytona Beach at the coyote ugly bar. A 20 year old a 19 year old they were both arrested with charged with child abuse. They had a child back and forth while seeing and they were thrown back and forth while standing four feet apart.

Apparently the child was turned upside down as well is a baby. And they have like video of it. And then they I don't even know what they're fighting about. And I don't know why they're all in underwear. And it's the before you rush to Google the story. Some of you that's not attractive.

It's always the people who are in underwear out in the street that really have no business being in underwear anywhere but the privacy of their own room for the sake of all of our retinas. And I guess they were all drunk and they all got into a fight. The baby apparently had a broken arm.

I mean, what I have no idea how what in the world? How does this even happen? They were like slapping each other. I guess one of them was getting into a fight and they were holding the baby sideways like a bag of potatoes. I don't know is wild.

I'm trying to figure that one out. A man tries to hide meth in his McDonald's breakfast sandwich during a traffic stop. Say police WFLA found a bag of meth was found inside a half eaten McDonald's breakfast sandwich during a traffic stop in Oklahoma. According to police, an officer with the Katusa police department pulled over Mitchell Raper, Raper, Raper, R.A.P.E.R.

I don't think it's R.A.P.A. for a traffic violation, Mr. Raper. They the officer smelled marijuana coming from the car. They deployed canine. And then that's when canine Milton discovered the meth in a coin purse sandwiched between the sausage patty and the bread. And by the way, it is so obvious. It's because this biscuits have eaten and it's basically a biscuit on top of the larger coin purse.

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It is ugly I don't even know that but they discovered it in July 20 this year they discovered this giant so there's this myth with it that it is the it's like a doomsday harbinger so like what so okay here's my question with this. What's it like what's a grace period before like the doom comes right what is that like you see the or fish is like a week a couple weeks a couple months like what's the is there some scientific ties are like a timeline apparently it's a giant herring isn't it Ike yeah it's known as the king of earrings gross it's really a gross looking fish I don't know I some say that there's no say they they said that they could not one according to Forbes one set of researchers said they couldn't find any reports of a 6.0 or greater magnitude quake happening within 10 days 10 days of a deep sea fish sighting they said the or fish legend is really compelling but there's no scientific reason to think we can I don't care about your science anymore because your science says that dude can chop off his willy and be a chick so I don't know I'm just going to go with the or fish myth what's happening smart on the way what's up now we were talking about harsh winters too because my parents and my grandparents had all these old-timey things that they trusted it's like calvin ball rules of nature and my mom lives by the farmer's almanac well what's the farmer's almanac say she's like that's way more precise than the meteorologist and all this other stuff so a friend of mine uh their dad went out and cut a persimmon off their tree and they cut it in half so apparently the myth with the persimmon is that if there's a spoon in it when you cut it in half then that means you're going to be shoveling a lot of snow this winter is that what that means cane so you that and then the uh what is the other one the woolly caterpillar the woolly worm yeah the woolly worm the woolly bear caterpillar so if it's like real woolly uninterrupted color then that means it's going to be a bad winter too yeah if there's a really small middle like there there's usually like a rust sort of color and then it's dark on both ends so if that rust middle is longer the more mild the winter but if that rust middle is much shorter then there's supposed to be a harsh harsh winter so when my uh friend's dad cut into the persimmon that they pulled off the tree it had on one side when they cut it in half it was a knife shape and the other side it was a spoon that means it's going to be an icy cold winter with a lot of snow to shovel yep i mean according to the persimmon theory is that accurate i would say the the farmer's almanac is probably more accurate don't they talk about that stuff what we see on tv meteorology oh yeah yeah i mean there's trends to it for sure now i feel like i need to get one i feel like i need a do you have one what a persimmon tree or no like the literally the farmer's almanac yeah i don't i used to have one my mom used to give me one every year in the early auts yeah she didn't love me anymore she stopped yeah they uh she like lives by this thing all my well my my grandpa had like cattle and all that stuff so he like went i think all the farmers and all that obviously farmer's almanac but yeah she's like you can apply this this you know to now you can apply it it's it's ever comes out every year so they have the the 23 24 apparently it's going to be unseasonably cold and stormy that's i guess what we're getting where we are cain yeah that's what it's looking like yeah so ice i'm glad i got my generator yay anyway i had a way to talk because we i can't get over this or fish thing i kind of want that to be true like the myth of it right it's a this weird gross worm it's a worm really isn't it a worm fish herring whatever is so keep in mind came we saw it came up in june july june whatever july i think yeah yeah so uh we're on the clock for some doom when's it coming just waiting and we're going to have an icy cold winter with a lot of snow to shovel according to the persimmons isn't that what that little uh uh hairy pig saw groundhog isn't that what that groundhog saw i don't know he sees shadows i think do you remember what the groundhog thing with the what it saw this year steve hang on hang on it's friday guys we're doing this groundhog that was back in february so that would have predicted how we exited winter i think apparently he saw his shadow the the furry pigs saw it saw it shadow so he predicted six more so yeah all uh indication it's gonna be a bad winter so if you like cold and ice and you know misery in general yay for you you're gonna have a good horrible winter yay right when energy prices are gonna increase yay gas is gonna be expensive heating your home is gonna be expensive yay steve says his acorn theory is a myth see what's your acorn theory no my grandma always told me that there was there was a lot of acorns that more acorns that fell normally like in your driveway that it would be a harsh winter so i just tried to look it up and there was like a whole bold thing i was like that is not true i'm gonna tell my kids that uh you can tell that it's gonna be a harsh winter when you see squirrels out in patagonia jackets means it's going to be a harsh winter right if you see squirrels out in little patagonia little patagonia squirrel jackets it's going to be harsh winter the persimmon thing looks cool though but at the end and dude check it so the channel five affiliate in our hometown cane yeah ksdk uh-huh it said snowy winter coming from missouri persimmon seed say oh there it is so uh there's something to it i mean there is something to all these people cutting in their persimmons and they're all seeing the same thing spoons and knives what cold winter it's because the knife is it's supposed to be cutting cold winter and the spoon is like the shovel that's that's why they think so uh that's what so get prepared for a bad winter i'm just gonna go ahead and start stocking up on a couple everyday items you know i'm gonna go ahead and put it in my pocket and put it in my pocket and put it in my everyday items you know just start doing that now celtic invented the concealed carry 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probably miss it's time for dana's quick five so dallas mayor eric johnson literally wrote a piece today in the wall street journal saying that he's now leaving the democrat party and becoming a republican he says that democrat policies have exacerbated crime and homelessness wow big news that's pretty that's pretty awesome so uh that's uh the mayor mayor of dallas eric johnson i wonder how that's gonna go down with their uh fascist judge clay jenkins i don't know okay never do this a woman in michigan had to be rescued this week because she got stuck in an outhouse isn't an outhouse that's like a working toilet while trying to retrieve her apple watch forcing people to they had to remind them don't be stupid and climb down inside of toilets what is the matter with you it's an apple watch like get the apple care get the insurance thing for it so that if it's like lost or missing you don't have to climb into a toilet there's an ad oh my gosh they actually had to rescue her that sounds like a horror movie that is a horror movie it's like shortest shortest horror movie ever but that's it rupert murdoch announced yesterday stepping down as chairman of fox and news corp after 70 years everyone has expected this for over a decade literally they have his son locklin is taking over more than okay i this headline i put this in last night and now i regret it you see it came more than 4 000 americans that one what is wrong with you people more than 4 000 americans are hospitalized each each year with a foreign object lodged in their backsides it's i don't know why they had to do this study but a new york-based group literally had to do apparently study a first of its kind study uh everything from marbles to bottles cans even writing tools for 4 000 americans annually visit the er because they get something stuck up their backsides that is one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard in my life and here's the crazy case men account for eight out of the ten cases the most common group are males in their 20s and early 30s so steve's group steve's group of people see tell your friends to stop that the uh i can't even believe this and and so it's basically yeah of the number 77 are dudes 22 percent are females females what's the matter with you that should be that number should be zero what's the matter with you all of them yes they all should oh my gosh uh some constitutional confusion uh this this headline apparently uh a study reveals this is uh study finds reveals that americans are apparently woefully under undereducated about their natural rights under informed is the headline but undereducated is the accurate term no one should be undereducated about what their natural rights are shameful i don't know how i i don't know i mean this because i was looking at this indictment and this indictment is so bad they're the democrats don't have to worry about keeping this seat because it's it's new jersey they're gonna vote for you know they're gonna vote for another uh democrat in there immediately so it doesn't matter but i was thinking about this so his indictment uh he is his he and his wife nadine also in a corrupt relationship with three new jersey associates and businessmen they were getting luxury vehicles they got a mercedes they got gold bars they were paying towards their home mortgage all kinds of stuff all kinds of stuff 39 pages had it had cash shoved in his jacket pockets i mean they uh it was a egyptian american businessman and apparently they also gave them what sensitive information do they give i don't think they actually like got into the sensitive information part of it but they said they found the safe deposit box they executed that warrant last year in june and they found 480 000 in cash hidden in clothing closets a safe they had the dna on the envelopes of cash that basically were it was menendez's dna the dna of his driver or something like that they had home furnishings the mercedes uh let's see yeah over a hundred thousand dollars worth of gold bars stored in the home i know i would never tell anybody if i won the lottery but there would be signs gold bars would be one of them i think but that i mean i get it the candy did you make this point on error before we went to air about you non-tracing non-traceable yeah it was before we went okay explain this because i'm still laughing my head off over this i'm not taking it seriously i'm sorry if you guys think i should be but i'm just like this is just so washington it's it's like cash where you hand somebody something valuable there's no electronic you know receipts right for it you're just handing them this and then handshake and there you go so i think that's a lot of the reasons why apparently there were payments made to his mortgage too yeah they were paying off his mortgage they were i mean he got it was getting everything paid off yeah he was getting everything paid off uh and and and then some 39-page indictment and uh i mean he literally had a corruption case against him once already that ended in mistrial that was a mistrial and he that was apparently right at the time he started i'm sorry he just started this right at the time right at the same time like what is the matter with you can you not be a like a criminal for five seconds gotta start gotta start getting bribes i want to know what uh what sensitive stuff they had i want to know what sensitive information that he gave these guys that's the uh the million dollar question that's the million dollar question here i i really would like to know uh this ongo okay so here i mentioned a little bit earlier before i get dive into this more the i mentioned the situation with you know i i just i'm just saying i got a little bit of a tinfoil hat i got a conspiracy hat here with menendez and the conspiracy that i have is that are they going after this guy because they're like they want to give this this appearance of look we're holding someone accountable because we're not we don't have all these charges against hunter biden yeah and it's because we're talking about gold bars today because that's ridiculous that's big pimping man gosh we're gonna have to break that song out aren't we anytime we talk about menendez it is so i just you know i'm just saying it uh it i get the vibe of this is very much like uh the distraction yes and also they need to show that they are in some way uh keeping look we're upholding law and order what are you guys talking about yeah look it's a democrat we're going after a democrat we're of course we are with law and order it's a matter with you people but it's menendez right everybody loves to hate this dude i mean it's really hard to defend a guy that legit hid gold bars in his house i mean it's like the eight it's like this is this literally the 19th century the 18th century is that what this is our we're gonna be eating gold bars apparently the other day was talk like a pirate day i appreciate that none of you here did that because as you know one of my ancestors was hung off the coast of the carolinas for piracy this is a true story and my culture is not your costume it's the closest i've ever i'm i'm gonna use that ad nauseum if i see so much see a liberal dressed as a pirate god help me or them thanks for tuning in to today's edition of dana lashes absurd truth podcast if you haven't already make sure to hit that subscribe button on apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts you