Absurd Truth: Lose Yourself (Or The Election)

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So here we go. A Florida woman doused herself in Diet Mountain Dew to erase the DNA after killing her 79-year-old roommate. Say, cops. This was sent from Florida woman Amber. Yeah, a blood-smudged Florida woman suspected of murder accrued additional charges. She asked police for a soda and then, quote, poured it all over herself in an attempt to scrub forensic evidence from her body, said Daytona Beach police. Nicole Max, 35, was charged with tampering with evidence and resisting arrest with violence in a premeditated first-degree murder charge in the death of 79-year-old Michael Sarasoli.

Firefighters were called to the smoldering house. You know, she apparently also set the house on fire, but she, with her neck tats, she literally poured Diet, did she ask for Diet Mountain Dew? I know that's not really important to the story, but it was my first, like, really, Diet Mountain Dew? And just poured it all over herself.

She had, they had a lot of bloodied evidence everywhere, so she was trying to erase all the evidence and that, guess what, that did not work. Just want to let you know, it did not work. Surprise, so she's in jail, and I love how they end this with, researchers found that sweeteners could put people at risk for disease and wear down the lining of intestines.

Doesn't actually work on reducing any of the stuff that we just talked about. Okay, so, or talked about. A Florida man swiped car keys from a baby stroller and then rummaged through the car.

You, we literally, you gotta be careful with this stuff. He, he, first off, I, I always, were they, I guess they were just in the stroller, it happened at Disney's Hollywood Studios. They did, they did detain him, but he apparently was following around, you know, this mom in a stroller, and, and was able to get the keys out of the stroller, got, ran to the car, found the car somehow. A deputy said he turned the car on, moved it to a different part of the parking lot, and then started rummaging through the car, so he didn't actually leave. He just wanted to, he went, wanted to go through it first.

The persons whose stroller it was that he stole the keys out said, yeah, this person did not have permission to do any of this stuff, so they're pressing charges. How in the world? Alright, so, here's the other thing. If you see, if you're in Florida, cause we had that horrible manatee story from a couple weeks ago. I'm not gonna repeat it, don't, I'm not.

Thank you. So if you are walking along the beach in Florida, and you see a bunch of manatees gathered together on the shoreline, the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office is telling you to stop calling 911 over it. Because apparently they're getting a million calls. It's mating season for manatees, and that is apparently how you get down. Well, if you're a manatee.

The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office put out an instructional video on Facebook saying, if you see this, no you didn't. They said we can assure you they are more than fine. They mate in herds like this near the shore.

They're often seen during the summer months. It's gonna go on to September, so just calm down. It's okay, they're alright.

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Or text Dana to 998-899. And then someone dropped me this. And I'm sorry, he's Gen X. He's not millennial.

I can't stand this thing where people are born in the 70s and 80s and early 80s and they're like, I'm a millennial. Shut up. No, you're not. But I can't. So Vivek Ramaswamy decided to do karaoke of Eminem, who, by the way, just dropped a video last week going off on Trump. I mean, again, going off on Trump.

And he decided to karaoke Lose Yourself, which I will say I think almost everybody can do, but people don't because they have taste. OK, so I just want to say, if you are in any way, I don't care who you are, I don't care what politician this is. Don't do this. Can I just play? I got to do it. We got to. This is newsworthy. It's news and it's fair use. So bite me, censors. Go ahead. Go ahead. Kill us all.

We're going to die a cringe. My favorite are the people who are just standing totally still. They're just standing like still statues. I mean, it's there. They're standing as still as a cigar store statue just outside the doors. Right.

They're just standing so still. Don't do that. Don't do it. So this is the new corn dog. OK, it is, I think. I don't know. I just I don't know how well that goes through with people in Iowa. You know what I mean? I just don't know how well that that transfers over right to folks in Iowa. I got some questions, but I don't know.

I just thought that was kind of oh, and then people were like, he's having fun. Stop. You know what? Can we just stop for on that for a moment? Let me let me tell you when I hear that. Let me tell you what I'm thinking.

I got kids who are draft age. We got all hell breaking loose on either side of the United States. We got China that's flexing over South China Sea, which could obliterate trade and put everyone in the supply chain hell. We've got money being laundered by the billions upon billions over Ukraine. We have weaponized government agencies going after parents for just trying to exert their rightful legal control over their minor children. We're spending just a God forsaken amount of dollars in taxes and getting what out of it?

A richer Biden family. Wait, I watched a video of a cop who touched accidentally inadvertently as they were making an arrest, touched some fentanyl and about died. How to get revived by Narcan and everyone's like, oh, well, if you ingest it, not necessarily say some expert, they kind of go back and forth on it. You know, we I've been seeing all of this. I see that our country is just on a precipice and you're sitting here telling me that some people want to have fun. Some people want to have fun. We got people going broke. But people want to have fun. We got moms and dads out there wondering if this addled aging McCheese unity president is going to drag us into World War Three and you're saying, let's just have some fun. It's time to have some fun. We've got people going broke.

I got elderly people in my family wondering what the hell's going on with their 401k. And you're sitting here telling me, oh, well, let's you know, people just want to have fun. Hard times make strong men. Good times make weak men. This is not a good time kind of scenario.

I don't need people freestyle rapping. I want to see the seriousness of something because we feel serious. It feels serious enough for people to I mean, you see how everything is so tribal and so hyper partisan. Clearly, that is the sentiment of the country right now. We we're watching the price of gas increase.

You're you're watching your national security be sold for Biden family influence the Biden brand to China. But you're telling us to have fun. No, this is not the time to have fun. This is the time to kick ass and take names.

It's not the time to have fun. I don't want to sit here and for people to show me how well they know the lyrics of a guy who I can't. How many videos is he released like going off on Trump?

Because that's like, you know, apparently he needs to do that for attention, like solar powered calculators need sunlight to work. I don't know that. I mean, what is it? That doesn't impress me.

I'm wondering, OK, well, what are actual real things here? Why? Why can't you thought the J6 was was all the previous president's fault and then you didn't. You you thought Big Pharma was bad.

But then, you know, just a little while ago, you were wanting to create a database helping Big Pharma track stuff. So which is it? You know, you thought Wilkery was bad, but all your companies got ESG, DEI, ABC, XYZ departments within them.

So which is it? You know, I don't need the distraction of someone sitting here like pulling a basic, you know, South County in a in a bar karaoke stunt. Only Ken gets that reference.

That's right, Ken. I don't need that. Don't sit here and tell me how to have fun. We don't have the luxury of having fun right now. We don't have the luxury of it.

Yes, be a happy warrior. But this is the time where you got to actually convince people and persuade people this is the election of all elections. I'm not going to be able to say that about the next election unless we win this one.

But this is the election of all elections. And I think that it deserves the seriousness with which, you know, that reflects the state of the nation. The serious that the seriousness that reflects the state of the average American's wallet. The seriousness that reflects, you know, the anxiety that parents are feeling as they're looking at their kids, wondering if they're going to have to ship them off somewhere to serve in some foreign country to defend over a land dispute. This is the kind of stuff that we're all thinking.

So, no, I don't feel like having fun right now. You've heard me rave about the Keltyte KSG shotgun for a long time. And the fact is, I cannot say enough good things about it. I mean, the KSG is the one that started it all, made ordinary shotguns obsolete and still reign supreme.

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That's K-E-L-T-E-C Weapons.com. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. I bet when you take a weekend trip, the last thing that you have on your bingo card is being mauled by some angry otters. But according to this piece, this is in Bozeman via our friend Larry. A Montana woman was left with a face full of stitches, not just her, but her friends. They were tubing down a Montana river. Jennifer Joyce and her friends, they were enjoying an evening of floating peacefully down a wide stretch of Jefferson River near Bozeman when the otter descended upon them.

And they said, this is like Monty Python with a rabbit, but it's an otter. She said it bit her face in all these places. She said her friend's thumb was shredded. The three women were essentially trapped on the river. By the time they were able to get their bearings in the dust settle, one woman was on one bank, another woman was on the opposite bank, and one woman was stuck on a rock in the middle. And so the women on either side of the bank had to throw rocks in the water to save their friend from being attacked further by that otter. They said they would try to kick it away, she said, but then it would just attack somewhere else. She said it never actually let go. The way they described it, I mean, it's crazy.

She said they didn't think they were going to make it out of the river. The photos are horrific. They have stitches all over their faces, their arms, their legs, angry otters. So beware. This is a crazy story.

Listen to this. This is in Kansas. So Marion County. The story is that a newspaper, this newspaper was investigating, got a tip about this business owner. Someone was saying that this business owner was engaged in something nefarious, and the newspaper didn't really believe the source, so they contacted police and asked if there was an investigation. And the police raided the home of the business owner, seized these records from her office and home. The 98-year-old business owner collapsed and died from the stress.

The woman was so stressed out, she died. And then the cone of a local paper, they said that, I mean, this is just crazy. I'm just shocked by all of this.

I'm like, look, I'm just, I'm trying to, I'm going to come back to this because I feel like, how does stuff like this happen? The newspaper said that they were going to, there's legal action going to happen, all this stuff. I'm going to come back to this because this is kind of an interesting story. And I think also, I don't know, this is, you've got to be able to trust your media, too.

A couple of other things here. I don't care about The Weeknd. I don't care about this. DeMar Hamlin plays an NFL preseason game with the Bills seven months after going into cardiac arrest. So that's, I mean, he's back on the field. He did say that he was a little scared about going back.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of the United States. But the thing about being a role model, people watch what you do to see if it lines up with what you say. I love the guy who's interviewed. I don't know. I didn't watch it. You know why? Because it kills brain cells.

And if I'm going to kill brain cells and I'm going to do it with like Limoncello or, you know, some ultra right. There you go. Welcome back to the program.

Dana Lash here with you. That was a vice president of the United States. OK, so should you give her credit because she didn't talk about Venn diagrams or say on unburdened by what has been? Should we give credit for that? I mean, does she deserve credit for that? Do you think? You just don't like her.

I mean, because she'll say that stuff again several times. I don't understand their dynamic. The Biden Harris dynamic, by the way, Biden just came out, finally came out, just came out with a tweet, guys. He just tweeted about the fires in Maui just now. Yeah, it finally happened. He tweeted about it. He said in his.

Of course, I don't know. Twitter's not working for me today. I mean, it's so glitchy, like if I want to pull something up, sometimes it doesn't pull it up at all. And it just, you know, gives you the spinny wheel of death. He tweeted, quote, as residents of Hawaii mourn the loss of life and devastation taking place across their beautiful home.

We mourn with them. Like I've said, you didn't say what do you mean, like I've said. You didn't. This is the first time you've ever said anything. So he was talking about so basically someone tweeted this for him.

I love how he goes, like I've said, as like he's trying to retcon. Well, I've said something. No, you haven't.

This is literally the first time you've said anything. Which is weird because he was the V.P. of a president who came from Hawaii. It's just, by the way, are the Obamas doing anything in Hawaii?

Are they helping out at all? Doesn't he have Tom Selleck's MacGyver place there? Didn't he buy MacGyver's house? And then he illegally shored up the beach right by it?

I mean, I'm pretty sure that that was. I got some questions. I got some questions.

So I don't know. That's. He's going to go he's going to go to Lake Tahoe. That's that's it.

He's going to Lake Tahoe. You know, I. All of that. I was I read this story where it said that Oprah was denied taking cameras into one of these shelters. She's been down there helping. Did she try to take cameras and to record footage of herself helping?

I that's true because I saw there's all these headlines about how she was told she had to keep her cameras out. She said she was going to make a major donation with rebuilding. She arrived with CBS News crews and she's been there helping. She's a part time resident in Maui. And I just I do wonder she on Sunday, she and a CBS camera crew were denied access to the war memorial shelter because of a no media policy. And she said she was they were checking. She was checking in with survivors about their immediate needs.

And she said that she was going to make a major donation, et cetera. I just I don't know. I get kind of Book of Matthew about that stuff, you know. I just feel like it's not something that you should brag about.

I think that there's instances where you can absolutely make an example of philanthropy or any donations, et cetera, to encourage others to do so. But sometimes it trespasses into the realm of self glorification. And I feel like that's so I don't know. I just get a weird feeling when people make a a big thing about about stuff like this. But they were I don't know why they had cameras there, but they had maybe it was maybe they were trying to do advocacy. I don't want to immediately think the worst because I like to think that people really do, you know, have very I want to think that even, you know, people that you might disagree with or criticize the most have genuine or are human and they want to help people when stuff like this happens. But, you know, at the same time, I don't know, I just feel like every every suspicion that I have about everything and everyone lately is proven true.

So who knows? Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast.