Husband and Wives (Part A)

If the husband is the head of the home, if he is, he is supposed to be, the wife is the heart of the home. And when those two are working together, the head and the heart, you have a happier home in a fallen world. When those two are not working together, you have problems. Many struggle with this. Many women and men alike demanding equal authority.

Not rights, authority. This is Cross-Reference Radio with our pastor and teacher Rick Gaston. Rick is the pastor of Calvary Chapel Mechanicsville. Pastor Rick is currently teaching through the book of 1st Peter.

Please stay with us after today's message to hear more information about Cross-Reference Radio, specifically how you can get a free copy of this teaching. But for now, let's join Pastor Rick in the book of 1st Peter chapter 3, as he begins a brand new message called Husbands and Wives. We are in 1st Peter chapter 3.

And we'll take verses 1 through 7 in one moment. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe your chaste conduct, accompanied by fear, do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel.

Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Often I'm sure the reading of the word creates questions in the mind as we read through these verses, and well, that's why we go verse by verse to address some of those questions and hopefully answer them.

Well, this morning, husbands and wives, that is the topic handed to us by the Holy Spirit. I want to start off with a proverb from King Solomon. He writes, when the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice, but when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Well, he would have had, as an example, Saul and his father David.

David certainly was a good king, and Saul was just a misguided or just a bad king, even though David had stumbled and people paid for it. But the proverb stands when the righteous are in authority, and humans tend to dislike being under authority at some point. At some point, they don't want it any longer. I have been guilty of this much of my life. There have been those that have been over me in authority, and I've been very fine with that until something that they do or say or some decision they make doesn't sit right with me.

And I've been working on that over the years. Had Esther, Esther not voluntarily submitted to Mordecai, God would have had to have raised someone else up to be a great instrument in saving his people. So without authority and submission that must go with authority, society breaks down.

It splinters. It becomes what it, or it does not become what it could have been. Our hands, our feet, and our tongue, they're supposed to be under authority. And when they are not, you know what happens when they are not. This is part of what he has been saying throughout this first letter. He's going to get to suffering later on in the letter, but he must settle the issue of submission first. From the Christian perspective, submission comes first, and then we work from there. So now we look at verse 1.

Wives, like wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, maybe one, are the conduct of their wives. Well evidently there were problems in the early church, as they are in today's church, as there has always been. Churches have made of sinners.

And marital problems also. Two sinners have married each other, there are going to be issues. Some have tried to take this verse and make it mean what it is not intended to mean. To the satisfaction perhaps of their audience, to the butchering of the meaning of God's word. Peter uses this word here likewise, connecting his present statement with the preceding verse of the last chapter, what was previously said, and there of course he dealt with submission, submission to authority, to a government, submission to the Lord as the overseer of our soul.

So he's continuing, and now he takes it to the home. And again, only after dealing with submission does he take on the matter of suffering, which this church or these Christians, because it was not a single church, these Christians were experiencing. So, must the wife submit to the husband?

Well let's get this right out. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now bear with me. You may be saying, you may already be resisting. Years ago at Brandy Creek, when I taught from this passage of scripture, when I got to the wives being the weaker vessel, someone did not even wait to hear any explanation, got up and left.

I hunted her down. You have to listen to the whole thing. I will make it beautiful, you watch. I don't know what I'm going to do. Wives, submit to your own husbands. Is my wife here?

Kidding. As to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife, also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. And well that is of course the ideal.

That's the target. What should the scripture say? Wives, resist the authority of your husbands. Or why should he have it?

We could just go all sorts of bad places with that. Now it does not mean that she is to submit to sin. For example, if he wants her to lie, she is not to do it. Not an option, she is not to do it. If he wants her to steal a car, she should tell him you do it, because I'm not doing it. And so what we're doing here is we are considering the God-given roles of the Christian husband and the Christian wife, and it's ideal. Yeah, there are those hard cases that mess it all up, and we'll cover some of them.

There's no way to exhaust this. Not a popular teaching to say to wives, be submissive to your husbands. He says likewise, we are submitted to Christ, the overseer of our souls. Likewise, wives, be submitted to your own husbands.

Again, not popular. In this society that we live in, of course, the women are assuming more and more prominent roles, and yet the scripture does not back down. It does not alter its intent, its meanings. And as I mentioned, clearly this was an issue going on in the days that Peter wrote this, or otherwise there'd be no reason to say these things. But if the husband is the head of the home, if he is, and he is supposed to be, the wife is the heart of the home. And when those two are working together, the head and the heart, you have a happier home in a fallen world.

And when those two are not working together, you have problems. And many struggle with this, many women and men alike, demanding equal authority. Not rights, authority. Never mind what God says.

I don't like that. Because we humans, as I started off, we have a problem with authority. So it comes down to this. Is the Bible absolutely the inspired word of God to man or not? If you believe it is, then God knows what is best. You say, yes, I agree with that, but my husband doesn't know what's best. Well, you're going to have to work through that. But we're still going to have to work through it in the light of what Scripture says. Women are not inferior to men. That must be understood.

There's no debate on that. Women are not inferior to men. Christians that are not submitted, well, let me put it this way.

Christians submit to pagan employers. We're not inferior to them, but we submit to them. If you're in the military, you submit to the ranks that are over you, and you're not inferior to them. Many times, in many ways, you're superior to them.

Yeah, amen. Some of you work for foul-mouthed, pagan, rank sinners. They're not superior to you, but you still have to submit because the alternative is that breakdown of authority, is anarchy. Wives have been given a subordinate role, but not an inferior role. Well, this is so easy to prove because when there's a marital problem, and just for the example, if the wife is the one, because it's equal, and the husbands can be just as much of a knucklehead as the wife can be, but if the wife is not submitted to a godly husband, you're going to have problems, and it will go out of the home. The subordinate role which God has put them in is under the headship of the men. That's his assignment. That's his role. Again, don't lose sight of the fact that she is not inferior to him, and he is not inferior to her.

What would be the alternative? Talk of war. A lot of spouses believe marriage is competition.

You have to outdo the other one. They bring strife and friction into the home that doesn't belong there. He says that even if some do not obey the word. We're going to cover this again.

We'll come back to it because it is a broad subject. Even if some do not obey the word, well, no pass is given. Jesus doesn't say, well, you married an unbeliever, so you do not have to conform to the role that I have given you.

That is not the case. Incompatibility is not grounds for rebellion. The classic example in Scripture would be Abigail. That sweetheart of a woman that was married to that monster of a man, Nabal. Marriage can be disastrous. It doesn't have to be.

You have to work at it. Hosea, ask the prophet Hosea, how's that marriage working out for you? It was a disaster. He stuck with it all the way through. He could have had his wife stoned to death. He did not.

What a man. He says they, that here in 1 Peter 3 verse 1, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. Now, we still haven't gotten to some of the meat of this, but we have to address this verse, of course. Actions make gains oftentimes where words cannot. Well, talk is cheap.

Action speaks louder than words. That's what he is telling the flock. Christ did not send any of us to be nags. If the word is not working with someone, you don't cast pearl before swine lest they turn and trample you underfoot. It is a basic principle of the Scripture in the New Testament. And so, if without a word, they can be saved, but not without action, then make sure the actions are where they need to be.

Live the gospel. Well, of course, this applies to all of us. Everything he is saying here on the topic of submission applies to every single one of us. Men find themselves in roles that are subordinate to other men. There's nothing wrong with that. It is a part of order.

Every organization must establish such a chain of command. Some husbands are mean. Some want more of a mother than a wife because they do not want to be in the role as the head of the home, and they want to defer it to her. I guess I mentioned earlier some are just hard cases, negligent of their God-assigned duty, and these things create strife and trouble.

Some spouses, not just men, are just troublesome through and through, unreachable as far as we can see. And that's why Peter says, if you can't win and win the word, then you make sure you live the life right to Christ and you leave it to Him. Peter, not insensitive to abusive husbands, to suffering Christians in marriages. You would think that Christian marriages had a better chance of surviving than non-Christian marriages. I'm not so sure nowadays.

I've seen so many of them fall apart. Many of you have had to suffer through things like this, and I don't want to be insensitive towards that, but we have to keep what the Scripture says before us. There are exceptions in certain places, and in other places, there are no exceptions. And it is up to us to dig into the word of God and find out where we belong. But like-mindedness blesses a marriage. Rowing in opposite directions does not make you get to the destination God has sent you on. Who decides what destination? A couple are to row towards God, yes, but the head of the home is part of his role to establish this.

Certainly the wife will and does contribute, must contribute. Famous, famous words. We know these famous, famous words. Can two walk together unless they're agreed?

No, they can fight together if they're not. How can something so ordained by God find itself so ruined by men and women alike? Self-serving sin, always a smoking gun, not to oversimplify it. But successful marriages are successful because they are spiritually intact, psychologically. The head is in the right place. Physically, you're holding your ground where you're supposed to. These things must be maintained.

You've got to work for them. We should excuse newlyweds from this morning's consideration. It's a joke.

It's funny. Because when you're first married, most of the time, not all the time, but it's just wonderful. At least for one of you, maybe, right? And then as the years go by, there are many challenges that surface. You're not excused from dealing with those challenges. In fact, you are called to function in spite of them. That's what he's telling the women. He's saying it applies to the men. Also, if your spouse is not doing right, you are called to action.

You are not excused from duty. And so verse 2, When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Now, I'm trying to keep the tone right because I believe God's word does not need to be apologized. For I'm sorry, sisters, that it means there's none of that. It is firm. It is sure.

But there's also, or there are also, a lot of those believers who are hurting because the marriages aren't right. And you must know, of course, God sees it. He knows all about it. He's not jolly over it either. But he's focused. And he will not be moved from that which he is focused on.

You say, well, what is he focused on? Well, I don't always know exactly. I don't know over all his righteousness and holiness.

I get that part, but there are other details that I don't always know about. But I know what I'm supposed to be doing, and that's the challenge. Where would we be without such verses in Scripture? What if he said, wives, rebel against your husbands if they're a pain in the neck? And some may be saying, I'm already doing that. I don't need the Bible to tell me. He says, when they observe your chase conduct.

Chase, your righteous conduct. Blamelessness is the goal of a husband and a wife. Now, as I mentioned, he's talking to the women, but this applies to the men equally. If they don't want to hear it, then let them see it.

Now, that's what he's telling them. She is to preach with her life and her behavior, not to be in a spot where she is condemned because of what she refuses to stop saying. Woe to the man who torments his wife. Woe to that man who sins against his wife. Woe to that wife who sins against her husband.

Woe in the sense that this is not something that is blessable. No, you can make words up when you're in the pulpit. I do it all the time.

You should try it. Verse 3, do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. The adornment, the word adornment here in the Greek is cosmos, which means, it can be translated the world, the orderly arrangement. That's what it means in the Greek.

We get our English word, cosmetic, from this Greek word. And he is not saying to abstain from cosmetics, as some insist that it means, because he also goes on to say that it's not putting on clothes. Certainly not telling them to abstain from that.

And so we'll come to that in a moment. But it means don't overdo it. Do not let your outside appearance be overdone. Do not draw undue attention to yourself.

That outward appearance, you have to be very careful about it. There are laws, there are laws in the universe that are bigger than us. And if you excite those negative laws, they're going to have negative results. You reap what you sow.

Hairstyles, jewelry, and attire, they're all acceptable in Christ, so long as they're not overdone. Now women can like attention too much. Men can too, but I'll keep it tight to the women.

Because men can want to give it too much. What is the biblical example of that? David and Bathsheba, she wanted the attention, and he wanted to give it.

And the two created a disaster. He says arranging the hair. I don't know if I'm still qualified to speak on this one. Certainly not a prohibition to have nice hairdos. There's nothing wrong with nice things, so long as they do not get out of control, as I mentioned, with attracting too much attention. And we know what that means.

You don't need me to elaborate on that. A person can dress in such a way that they're attracting too much attention. One of my goals in the pulpit is to show as little skin as possible, and you're grateful about that. I mean, would you want a pastor to come up in a tank top?

Gah! Well, of course, I can't make that statement without saying I'm the exception, but leadership is not by exception, but example. And so as a rule, less skin is a good idea. He goes on to say wearing gold or silver or anything else that is overdone. Nothing wrong with arranging the hair, wearing the gold or any other fine metal or even wood if you put too much wood on.

You can make a lot of jokes with that one. Or putting on fine apparel. Now, fine, in the New King James, that word is not there in the original Greek. He says, or putting on clothing. And of course, that's not what he meant. His audience knew this. He is trying to bring it down some.

He says, word has gotten back to me. Some of you are overdoing it, and you're causing problems. You're drawing more attention to yourself than to Christ. You're not Christ-centered.

You're self-centered. And this happened to be more of an issue with the women at the time that he wrote this letter. And there are times, of course, men can be gaudy. I remember years ago, my wife and I went to a restaurant. Two young men came into the restaurant to scarf down some food. And they had so much cologne on. You couldn't breathe.

And it was just awful. And so, again, the excess is drawing attention, negative attention to themselves. And so, again, Peter is not forbidding any of these items here. John's Gospel, chapter 12, verse 32, Jesus said, and if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to myself. He did not say, if you are lifted up, if you self-promote, if you go overboard.

Now, there are those that insist, again, that women cannot do this, they cannot put on jewelry, wear makeup, do their hair in any way. You know, I've never met anyone with that rule who's ever impressed me spiritually. What a loving person.

What a legalistic, judgmental person. Now, maybe you have. I just don't recall that bringing a person to the point, as Paul said, these things are useless against the works of the flesh. The flesh is going to be the flesh.

You can take off all those items, except the clothing, and still be carnal. We're so glad you tuned in today to study the book of 1 Peter on Cross Reference Radio. Cross Reference Radio is the daily radio ministry of Pastor Rick Gaston of Calvary Chapel in Mechanicsville, Virginia, and we're blessed to bring you God's word with each broadcast. If you'd like more information about this program or want to listen to additional teachings from Pastor Rick, please visit our website, crossreferenceradio.com. We also encourage you to subscribe to our podcast so you'll never have to miss a program. Just search for Cross Reference Radio in iTunes, Google Play Music, or your favorite podcast app. We hope you'll tune in again next time to join us as we continue our study through the Scriptures, right here on Cross Reference Radio.