Husband and Wives (Part C)

I think He has given me trials that I can't bear. Are you still praying to Him? Yeah. Well then He's made a way of escape that you can bear it.

It's called mercy. His presence is still there. You will find when you get to heaven that because the things that matter to God became things that matter to you will be a great source of reward in your life. This is Cross-Reference Radio with our pastor and teacher Rick Gaston. Rick is the pastor of Calvary Chapel Mechanicsville. Pastor Rick is currently teaching through the book of 1 Peter.

Please stay with us after today's message to hear more information about Cross-Reference Radio, specifically how you can get a free copy of this teaching. And now here's Pastor Rick with his continuing study called Husbands and Wives as he teaches through 1 Peter chapter 3. Aren't we supposed to be servants of the Lord? Seamless ministry. It takes work and dedication to arrive at this. Now all we have to do to prove it is start. You know how many servants come in here and dust cobwebs, dust men and women alike, dust everything, vacuum the floors?

Mop the floors, make sure the bathrooms are fit? That's what is being talked about here. He's saying, ladies, seamless ministry. Exalt Christ. Men, if you drift into the area where you now are a distraction because of how you choose to dress, then maybe you should reconsider how you're going about it.

Ask someone if you don't, you know, men wearing hot pink pants, that's an abomination, it's in the Bible. God will strike you, I think. Verse 4, he says, rather, here's a good idea, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Okay, first, ladies, ladies first, how do you fit in this verse? The hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Where are you on that? Men, your turn. How are you when it comes to falling into the role that God has given you as head of the home, which means leader? Now leader and supervisor are not the same thing. A leader makes you want to follow. A leader draws from you respect.

I like this, this is right. Even in difficult times, I know this is difficult, and this is the way we're going, thus the idea of loyalty comes to mind. And so what Peter has in mind could only be wrought, not bought. That's what he's saying to the ladies.

You can't buy, you know, you can buy a hairdo and makeup and all that, but you cannot buy this. These things come from the Holy Spirit, and they must be maintained, as a garden must be maintained and even manicured. True adornment of believers are found in character on what's on the inside.

Again, to be careless of these things is to take attention from Christ. God told his great prophet Samuel, I look on the inside. 1 Samuel 16 verse 7, Yahweh said to Samuel, let's pause there for those of you who may not be familiar with this, Samuel was sent to the sons of Jesse and Bethlehem to find a king to replace King Saul. And of course all of the strapping sons came out, and Samuel said, surely this is the one, and God said he is not him, and he would go down the line. And he said, are there any boys left, any sons?

Is there still one? He's out with the flock. Of course, here comes David, ruddy, and he's sort of the low man on the pole. And God says to Samuel, do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him, talking about the ones he didn't accept. For the Lord does not see a man as man sees. For man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart.

That's what Peter's talking about, what's in the heart. My second oldest brother, who is now with the Lord, he was a mechanic, not by trade, but he was a very good mechanic. He's a bit of a pain in the neck on this item. You get a new car, even if it was used old, but it came right off the lot, it doesn't matter. You could be driving it right out of the factory, and he'd say, pop the hood.

It was annoying. He always wanted to see what was on the inside. He wanted to look at the motor. I got a flat tire, pop the hood.

That's what it's supposed to be for us. What's on the inside? Open the hood up.

Let's see what makes this thing run. Verse 5, for in this manner in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands. You know, for years I've passed over this. Well, he's talking to the women, that's not for me. But listen to this, in this manner in former times, the holy women who trusted God. What a word to all of us.

I want to be the holy man who trusts in God. Now his reference to women in this manner in former times puts the kibosh on cultural excuses. Well, that was then, but not now.

We can do it differently. But he says, listen, I'm going to take you all the way back because it is for right now. There's no end to this, the unchanging roles of a man and a woman in Christ.

He refreshes it right here. So if any of them would have said, well, I'm a gentile, come to the church, I'm not a Jew, that was for the Jews. He says, no, no, this is righteous behavior I'm talking about. I'm not talking about Jewish behavior, I'm talking about righteous behavior. Things change, but not God's perfect intentions.

In chapter 1 and verse 21, we read, holy men moved by the Holy Spirit. Now who would say, well, that was for them. That's not for us.

It is for us. When you share Christ with someone, you say, the Lord just gave me what I needed to say and I preached the gospel to them. Because you were a holy man moved by the Holy Spirit. And so here, holy women trusted in God to be that kind of a believer.

Boaz, that great name, Boaz, the manly name. Anyway, he was first attracted to Ruth by who she was, what was on the inside. She was not rich, she was very poor as a matter of fact, leaning in another man's field. We read in Ruth chapter 2 verse 5, then Boaz said to his servants who was in charge, whose young woman is this?

Okay, he notices her in his field. But it was a character that stood out and stood up. It stood out because it did stand up.

It's a character that shines the most. Her character, had it been otherwise, like in the story of Esther, we wouldn't have the story of Ruth. In Ruth chapter 2 verse 10 and 11. So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground and said to him, why have I found favor in your eyes that you should take notice of me since I am a foreigner?

She knew she had two strikes against her already. What Jewish man of his station would recognize her, would even speak to her, comes the answer. And Boaz answered and said to her, it has been fully reported to me all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth and have come to a people whom you did not know before.

The Lord repay your work and a full reward be given to you by Yahweh God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge. That's what stood out. That's the kind of speech you can't, you struggle to write and he just off the cuffs gives it right out. It's been reported to me what kind of woman you are. So we read nothing of Ruth's beauty, outward beauty in the scripture. We read much of her inward beauty.

That's what stands out. A genuine sweetheart in the eyes of men and in the eyes of God. You say, well pastor, I love those stories too. But I'm having a hard time in my life. There's so many struggles. My husband is just, you know, this and that.

He's probably saying, he might be saying the same things about you because that's how it often is. When mankind fell into sin and God addressed the woman, he said to her, he said there are a series of things that are now going to happen, Eve, because of this sin. Genesis 3 to the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow at your conception.

In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Well the rule over you, of course, you will be subject to him. God has to say that at this point because sin has now made this an issue. But where he says, your desire shall be for your husband, he means you are going to want his authority. And the way we know that, because we come to Genesis chapter 4 and it says, God now speaking to Cain who, of course, his offering was rejected. And God said to him in the midst of Cain's pouting, if you do well, will you not be accepted? If you do not do well, sin lies at the door and its desire is for you. But you should rule over it. Where he says, its desire is for you, is the identical structure in the Hebrew that is used when God said to Eve, your desire shall be for your husband.

In other words, you're going to want that authority and this is, we see it all the time, all the time. Yet, the wives that say, I will fulfill my role before the Lord and the husbands that say, I will fulfill my role before the Lord, those are the happier marriages. And so you say, pastor, I've done the best I can and still things have fallen apart. God loves you, God loves your spouse. Holy women who trusted God, be one, trust the Lord, he'll work it out.

People have gone through worse and have done well. Stick to the Lord. Verse 6, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. So Peter now gives them scripture.

He calls to mind Sarah. He says, if you do good and are not afraid with any terror, that is he calling for faith. Now, it does not say that if there is the absence of any concern or fear, but he's talking about insecurity. And that Hebrew word for terror here is that idea in it. Insecurity to the, not irreverent fear as she has earlier, as mentioned earlier, but this is that which is frantic kind of fear that paralyzes the soul.

If you don't have that, you're going to be ahead of the game. If you want to understand better what happens when people become insecure to the point of wrong behavior as a result of it, then you read 2 Samuel chapter 10. There David sent gifts or sent his condolences to a people who had lost their king to death. And he sent it through his, of course, ambassadors. Well, the people said, they're here to spy us out. They're not really, they're not genuine with their sympathies. They're here to spy us out, to destroy us. They had no reason to think that, except paranoia. And so they shamed the men and sent them back to David, and David went to war and killed many of them.

Many people died. And that is just one example in scripture of what paranoia can do. Unfounded insecurity. We're all concerned about this or that, but may it not be to the point where we are now unreasonable. And so I am not going to harass scripture's meanings because some have met with struggles. It means what it says, and it is good for us to work to line up with it. All of us in Christ are challenged by scriptures at some point. All of us are challenged at some point deeply, not just on the surface. Every Christian who aspires to be obedient, righteous, and holy will meet with a fight.

And it will be serious. But you should rule over it. Think of the verse that Paul said, no temptation is overtaken you, except such as is common to man. But God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond that which you are able to bear.

And you say, I think I disagree with that. I think he has given me trials that I can't bear. Are you still praying to him? Yeah. Well then he's made a way of escape that you can bear it.

It's called mercy. His presence is still there. You will find when you get to heaven that because the things that matter to God became things that matter to you, will be a great source of reward in your life. Let me re-read to us all what I'm trying to say from scripture. Ruth, Ruth said, and treat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you, for wherever you go I will go, and wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, your God my God, where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. Yahweh do more to me, do also to me and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.

That kind of determination. That is a speech from a holy woman of God who trusted God and he blessed her. Now verse 7. Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. Well let's close in prayer.

Now's a good spot. There are areas in a marriage where the husband must yield to the wife without paranoia that she's going to usurp his authority. There are areas where she just excels. She does it better than him, she knows more about it than him, and he can give the authority to her to handle those areas. Maybe she's better with the books than he is.

I mean there's nothing wrong with that. He's not giving up headship of the home. Submission is the responsibility of the Christian husband as well.

In fact in Ephesians 5 21 he says submit to each other, Paul does, and that's the sense he means. He says, well, so husbands likewise, you also, you don't get off the hook, likewise, dwelling with them with understanding. Now this dwelling with them with understanding, when I understand it I'll comment on it.

Next verse or part of the verse. What is the understanding? It's not condescending, it is not condescending. I have noticed, and women if you just close your ears for a minute, I have noticed that women are defective, but I have also noticed men are as defective, and you know it too. And once we understand this, we get a little bit better at handling things. But the feelings, you know those feelings, nothing more than feelings, they mess up everything, it's hard to put on a happy face when you want to, you know, throw something.

But we must, we must. Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel. Now some have tried to make this mean what it does not mean also, to satisfy again the audience while butchering the scriptures. What do you mean this weaker vessel? What does that mean? Does that mean she's inferior?

Absolutely not, stick with that, don't give it up. She is weaker by reason of her support role. That is why she is in the subordinate role, as opposed to being the head of the home. An example is you have a sheriff and a deputy. The deputy is in the stronger position, the sheriff is, and the deputy is in the weaker position in context of their role.

One of my favorite examples of this would be this, rock, paper, scissors. In their role, one is stronger than the other. So, here the man is stronger in leadership, in the leadership role, because God has put him in that role and equipped him for that role if he will receive it.

Now you singles listening to all of this, you're probably just having a good time. This is Christianity, through and through. And it is good stuff, and it's rightly understood. So she is weaker by consent, because she can prove just as strong and bullheaded as he if she rebels. And he can be just as bullheaded too if he is not submitting to the role that he has been assigned. And she is not to be abused as she submits, which unfortunately has not stopped a lot of cowardly men from doing nonetheless. And she is, again, not inferior. You'll notice here he says, honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, as to. It is that way in the Greek also, as to, because he is not saying, honor the wife because she is the weaker vessel. She has the role, again, of a companion and helpmate, and you better not abuse it, oh man, whoever you might be. Otherwise, if men don't remember that, they will become bullies or neglect their. I've seen a lot of men not want to be the heads of the home, neglect their role. The wife is doing it all.

She gets none of the credit, by the way, many times. You know, you see, take a child that's, you know, healthy, eats well. Does that child, is that child mindful of mom going to the store, buying the groceries, bringing them home, cooking the meals, serving them on the table, cleaning up the mess? I mean, are we mindful of the things that God has given to us?

Man, are you mindful of the wife that you have. If you're gender insecure as a result of the gender war that has been jammed down society's throat by people who are godless, or Christless, I should say, they may have their fake gods, then you're going to have a problem with all of this. You can rip this out of your Bible and tell God that you've fired him. This is what God says, and none of us should be intimidated by this or made to feel that we are now at a disadvantage.

You're at the advantage. When we conform to God's will, we are stronger. We preach that, do we not? The power of obedience, the joy of obedience. But, of course, coming from our universities and coming from the entertainment world and any other voice that's out there, we're being told that this should not be the case, and unfortunately, we have Christians who gobble it up. He says, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, rowing in the same direction.

That's rhythm, not friction. Now, I don't come to the pulpit with this text before me, afraid of anybody's disagreeing with me. I don't preach it like I know God has given it to me. You shouldn't be afraid or ashamed of it either. You shouldn't back down one stick from this. I don't know what that means, back down one stick.

I just couldn't think of anything else. But you shouldn't be, when you preach the gospel, this is not I'm asking to be accepted. This is the message, and it is a good message because God is good.

We were just singing, God, you're so good. Do you believe it? If you believe it, you'll have no problem. Roll confusion, again inflamed by the world and received by, unfortunately, believers and then planted like leaven into churches. Men are to lead because they are appointed to do so. And what they do with this appointment is another matter. God, they'll have to answer to, we will.

That's your, I'm going to pause here too. So the pastor, you know, James 3, 1, almost done, James 3, 1. Pastors are told that we're going to have a special judgment for what we say and do. It makes a man say, well, then I'm going to be more afraid of God than anybody else.

I'm not afraid of anybody on this subject. But isn't that true with all of us for the scripture that we are going to be held accountable and we want to do so in such a way that the Lord is honored and that we are blessed? It is doable. He says that your prayers may not be hindered. Prayer and other religious exercises cannot cancel out the effects of deliberate disobedience. You cannot pray your way out of deliberate disobedience. You cannot just say, yo, I'm doing that and that's fine, but I'm going to pray anyway. Proverbs 28, verse 9, one who turns away his ears from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination. God says, are you kidding me? I'm asking you to do the simple thing and you just refuse to do it, but yet you want to come to me and ask me to bless you with these other things.

Try that with people. See if you get away with it. Brute husbands and rebellious wives void the family altar. They void out their own prayers. Proverbs 11, 29, he who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.

It sounds like, oh, that's not too bad, is it? It means you get nothing. Nothing good. Don't look to disagree with God. Work to join him.

Let him worry about how things are going to work out. While we concern ourselves with being faithful, as again Ruth as an example, she was not concerned with how others would treat her as a foreigner. She was concerned with her own loyalty and what God had given her. We're so glad you tuned in today to study the book of 1 Peter on Cross Reference Radio. Cross Reference Radio is the daily radio ministry of Pastor Rick Gaston of Calvary Chapel in Mechanicsville, Virginia, and we're blessed to bring you God's word with each broadcast. If you'd like more information about this program or want to listen to additional teachings from Pastor Rick, please visit our website, crossreferenceradio.com. We also encourage you to subscribe to our podcast so you'll never have to miss a program. Just search for Cross Reference Radio in iTunes, Google Play Music, or your favorite podcast app. We hope you'll tune in again next time to join us as we continue our study through the scriptures right here on Cross Reference Radio.