What Do I Do When I Disagree With My Husband, but I Want to Respect Him as a Leader?

What do I do when I disagree with my husband but I want to respect him as a leader? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Well, hi, this is Bill Meyer along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. Our phone lines are open. You can call us at 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also post your question on one of our social media sites, and of course you can always email us at questionsatcorechristianity.com. First up today, let's go to Sam who's calling in from Nebraska. Sam, what's your question for Adriel?

Hi, I just had a question. How can I encourage a brother in Christ who is discouraged by other Christians who don't live what they preach? Hey, Sam, that is, I mean, obviously something that's super discouraging and disheartening when we encounter other believers who are not walking in line with what they profess. And of course, I mean, each of us, we've got to examine our own hearts too.

Where is there a contradiction or discrepancy in my own life? So it's really, you know, a call for repentance internally, but additionally, you know, when we look out and we see other Christians who aren't living in line with the teachings of Scripture, it can be very discouraging, and especially if it's happening in your church, and especially if it's leadership, if it's people who should be examples to the rest of the flock, that really has just a terrible effect on those who are there and sitting under that. And so in terms of encouragements, one thing I think you could say is that pain that you feel, that frustration, hey, that's God-honoring. Christ is not okay with hypocrisy. You think about the earthly ministry of our Lord and how one of the things he did over and over again with the religious leaders, with the Pharisees, is he exposed the fact that they weren't really living in line with the teachings of God. That was what caused so much trouble, really, you know, for our Lord. And so I think, one, being able to say, hey, that zeal that you have, that's a way in which the pain that you experience because of that zeal that you have, that's a way in which you suffer with Christ, who also experienced that pain when he came in his incarnation, exposing the wickedness of the religious leaders in his day. That's an area where Jesus sympathizes with you, and I think that should be a great comfort. And then, again, in that frustration that we have, always examining our own hearts, too, but then also saying, Lord, one, help me to set a godly example, but give me words and wisdom to confront these kinds of things when I do see them in my own church or with people that I'm close with, to be able to go to them. And as a brother in Christ, in all humility and in all love, to encourage this person and to say, hey, there's an issue here, I think. And we were talking about this on the broadcast just yesterday, Sam, that love that we experience from a brother or sister who can come alongside of us and not just affirm us in everything we do, but lovingly confronts us in our sin.

Boy, we need that as the body of Christ. And so I want to just go back to you really quickly, Sam, if you don't mind, and say, is this something specifically that your friend is seeing within the church? Is it causing your friend to distance himself from Christian community and not want to go to church?

I mean, what all is going on here? It was actually my dad, his friend, who brought him to Christ. And it's actually discouraging him to the point where he's not going to church anymore.

And I don't know what to do. Because this was, this individual helped lead him to the Lord, and now he's falling away or not living in line with what he once professed? I think it's also like, I'm not sure, to be honest, because the guy that led him to Christ, he's still in the church doing things for the church and stuff. But he says he's discouraged by him and by other people.

Okay. Yeah, and like I was saying, man, that's where it gets really difficult, especially with people that we looked up to or helped to lead us. For them to, for there to be those contradictions in their lives, that's, man, this is why James 3, verse 1 says, don't let many of you become teachers, knowing that we'll receive a stricter judgment. And so, man, for your dad, and I want to take a moment to pray for him, certainly, but for him specifically, never excusing the contradictions and the hypocrisy that we see within the church, but recognizing that we have a perfect Savior. And Jesus, the perfect Savior, is the one who calls us to worship Him.

We don't go to church because the church is perfect and because our leaders are perfect. No, they're desperately in need of the grace of God to we go, because Jesus is the one who calls us. And Jesus is the one who promises to meet with us through the faithful preaching of His Word, through the breaking of the bread. This is where we experience the presence of Christ. And are there times where, you know, others who are there, you know, we see this contradiction or we see sin and it discourages us?

Yes. You can't read the New Testament without coming away with that. You see that over and over again, and it's grievous, it's heartbreaking, and sometimes you even see it in the leadership.

And sometimes that might mean, okay, if the leadership is not teaching the truth or if they're not walking in a way that honors the Lord, maybe that means I need to find a different church, but not abandoning the church where Christ promises to still meet with His people through His Word. Let me pray for you, Sam, and let me pray for your dad as well. And may God, may the Lord just minister to him and encourage him in this time of difficulty. Father, come before you right now.

I pray for Sam. Would you give him wisdom, Lord? And would you help him, Lord, to encourage his dad to know the words to say to encourage him and to come alongside of him and to point him, Lord, to you, Jesus? And Father, I pray that you would be with his dad as well who's discouraged right now. I don't know the details of what he's experiencing within the church, Lord, but I know that there's some frustration and discouragement there, and I pray that by your Spirit you would minister to him, that you would encourage him, that you would also give him wisdom and help him to set his eyes, gracious Father, on your son Jesus, and not to turn away from you or from your church, even as he sees, Lord, sin within the church, that he would know, Lord Jesus, that you stand against that sin too, and that you would minister to him and strengthen his faith through this experience. Draw him closer to you, I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen. Sam, thanks so much for your call, and man, what a difficult situation, Adriel, when those in the church let us down, and we've looked up to them. Maybe there's some, as he said, somebody, you know, actually led us to the Lord, and then they fail in some big ways.

It's heartbreaking. Yeah, I mean, it's a couple of things, and I know I've already gone long, but this is so important because I know there are people listening right now who maybe, you know, you've distanced yourself from the church because you've been hurt by a leader. You've seen something there in the church that was hypocrisy. First, no, Jesus stands against that hypocrisy. Jesus is against, you know, Bible teachers who don't live what they preach, and of course, again, no one is perfect, but this is why Paul in 1 Timothy 3 and in Titus 1 talks about qualifications for ministry, and so we have to approach this with humility, but we also have to say, okay, you know, Jesus is against that for sure, but at the same time, Jesus is still working through his church, and I just want to share a quick story because I shared this story with someone recently who was saying the same thing.

I don't go to church because I just see so much hypocrisy. Years ago, I was having coffee, and a guy approached me. I was studying, I think, for ordination at the time, had my Bible open. A guy approached me, began to ask me questions, became very clear that he knew the Bible and, you know, had, you know, done the Sunday school thing as a kid, went to church. I could tell he knew Scripture, but there was a hostility there. He was, you know, saying, now I don't go to church anymore, and the reason is because I look at all these churches, and none of them, none of them look like Jesus to me, and, you know, I told him I was preparing for ministry, and he was frustrated. He was upset, and I responded to him, and I said, you know, I don't totally disagree with you.

I mean, he had mentioned certain things, you know, abuse scandals and financial scandals, and I said, you know what? I see those things, too, and I think you're right. That doesn't reflect Christ, His teaching, His Word, but here's what gives me hope is Jesus knows the church better than any of us do. Like, Jesus sees all of those things as well. He knows how sinful we are, how broken we are.

He sees the hypocrisy in some places, right? He sees all of that, and yet Jesus has not abandoned His church. Yeah, there are some churches that have gone so far astray that we can't even call them churches anymore. They've lost the gospel, but Jesus is going to build His church.

He promised to do that. He has not abandoned His church, and so many people today, they see the failings of the church, and they use that as a justification for why they don't have to go anymore, and now I'm just not going to be a part of that. The beautiful thing about Jesus is He knows the church better than anyone else, and He still hasn't abandoned her.

He's continuing to build His church and to discipline His disciples. You know, when we go astray, when we sin, and we give thanks to God for His goodness in that, but if Jesus is still at work in the church, if He's still meeting us there, then boy, we want to be there, and God help us to be committed to good local churches where the Word of God is faithfully taught and where there is that discipline and care. We all need that. Each of us needs that, and Jesus calls us to that, and so God help us, and God have mercy on us, and I know there's a lot of hurting people out there, and so may the Lord minister to them in and through healthy churches.

Good word. Thanks for that, Adriel. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, doctrine, theology, something going on at your church that concerns you, here's the number.

It's 833-THE-CORE. Our phone lines will be open for the next 10 minutes or so. Again, 833-843-2673. Let's go to Jennifer calling in from North Carolina. Jennifer, what's your question for Adriel? Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I'm calling from North Carolina, and my question is, first of all, I thank you because you discussed this, and my eyes were opened. I'm a new Christian, and I give glory to God. He spoke to me in 2020. I didn't know who He was at all, pretty much, and surrendered in 2021, got baptized in 2022, and was so hungry for the Lord that I started searching in churches for Him, and couldn't find them, and that I was led to a church, and was worshiping, and didn't understand why everything started to feel weird, and things were happening to my body that weren't right. They were preaching about mostly on like gifts and politics, and I didn't know, and then a paper was passed out, and it said it was NAR, and then I had no idea what NAR meant. None of the pastors could answer me. I wanted to be discipled.

It was more about, it was just, I come to find out it was called the cult, and I didn't understand that, and, but I thought the worship was great. Like one moment, I felt like euphoric, like, oh, this is great. Next moment, it was wrong, and you would hope to pray. Anyway, the point is, a lot of stuff was happening there, and I thought it was Holy Spirit, and coming, the Lord took me from that, because I just was being so much torment, and deliverance that was done on us there, and I was in more pain than I was when I went in, and so coming out of that, I'm really scared that while I was in there, that I've blasphemed the Holy Spirit, I guess because I truly don't have an understanding about blasphemy. I just know that it's, I think it's because you accuse the Holy Spirit of something that's not Him, and it is Him, or vice versa, and I'm worried that I've done that, because the torment hasn't stopped. I've gone to a new church, and they did deliverance on me, and some of it has subsided, but I still get the mental torments, and I'm wondering if this is what God does to people that blaspheme the Holy Spirit, because I don't have anybody else to talk to, and nobody around me knows my family don't care, and they don't, I pray for their school, and so I'm calling, I've prayed, and I've fasted, and I've not gotten any answer from the Father of anything I've got, and I hear the demonic voices, and I'm like, Lord God, I repented for false fire. Jennifer, let me just say, I'm so thankful that you called, and let me assure you, sister, that you have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit of God, that you have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit. First, I give thanks to the Lord. I praise God that He drew you to Himself, and that you have that hunger to know Jesus and to love Jesus.

I can just, I mean, even the fact that you're saying, man, I'm so afraid that I've done this. I know that you don't want to dishonor Christ, and I mean, that's the thing, right? We come to Christ, we get plugged into a church, we're just learning things, and we're trying to, you know, decipher between truth and error, and it sounds to me like, you know, you got involved in this church that wasn't really pure in terms of doctrine, but guess what? Jesus is not going to let go of you, and He's continued to lead you and to guide you and to strengthen you, and He will do that in and through His Word. And so let me, just because you asked about the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, I think it's important to unpack what that is, and there are so many Christians.

I wrestled with this too. As a newer believer, I remember, Jennifer, thinking that very same thing. Have I blasphemed the Holy Spirit because of this thought that I had or this feeling that I have, and I was just terrified by this idea. Those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit don't care.

They want nothing to do with Jesus, and again, that's the point. In Mark chapter 3, verse 22, let me just read what it says. The scribes who came down from Jerusalem were saying, He is possessed by Beelzebul, and by the prince of demons He casts out demons, and He called them to Him and said to them in parables, How can Satan cast out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand, and if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand, and if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand but is coming to an end. But no one can enter a strong man's house and plunder his goods unless he first binds the strong man. Then indeed he may plunder his house. And so Jesus is saying, Look, I've come to bind Satan.

I am plundering his house. How is Jesus doing that? Through the preaching of the gospel, through bringing people into the kingdom of light, people like you, Jennifer.

You've been won by Jesus. And then Jesus goes on to say, verse 28, Truly I say to you, and here he's talking about the religious leaders who are accusing him of being possessed by Satan, truly I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the children of man, and whatever blasphemies they utter, but whoever blasphemes the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness but is guilty of an eternal sin, for they were saying he has an unclean spirit. Now that verse there, verse 30 of Mark chapter 3, helps to explain what was happening, why they were blaspheming the Holy Spirit or what that meant. They were accusing Jesus through his miraculous works of being filled with Satan. In other words, they want nothing to do with Jesus. Their hearts are so hard against Christ that they said, Jesus, you're a devil. The unforgivable sin is unbelief, rejecting the gospel.

If you die in that state, then you're hopeless. But for those who look to Christ like you and say, Lord Jesus, I want to follow you. I want to know you.

I want to walk with you. Have mercy upon me, a sinner. And know, know, Jennifer, that through the promise of God's word, God does indeed forgive you and receive you. And so you are, through Christ, forgiven. Now, we do experience spiritual warfare.

And sometimes, you know, the evil one can capitalize on a misunderstanding of scripture, thinking, you know, oh man, I've blasphemed the Holy Spirit, or it's hopeless for me. And he'll twist scripture in that way to make us feel hopeless. I don't want you to feel hopeless.

You shouldn't feel hopeless. You have great hope because you have Jesus. And now, Jennifer, I would say, getting plugged into a solid church where the word of God is faithfully taught and where you can continually be encouraged.

And I hope you stay on the line. I'd love for us to send you some resources, just some solid biblical resources to help you get your bearings as you continue to grow in the Christian life. But may God bless you. Let me just say a quick prayer for you, Jennifer, and ask for the Lord to continue to guide you and guide you and strengthen you in your walk with Him.

Father, I thank you for Jennifer and for the great work that you've done in her life. I pray, Lord, that you would indeed deliver her from the evil one. Jesus, even as you taught us to pray, lead us not into temptation. Deliver us from evil and from the evil one. Would you deliver my sister, and would you strengthen her in your word?

Fill her with your Holy Spirit and help her, Lord God, to know you, to walk with you, to get plugged into a solid church where your word is faithfully taught, that she might mature and grow in her faith and that she would grow, Lord, in her confidence, in your love for her and in the redemptive work of your son, Jesus, in whose name we pray. Amen. Amen. Jennifer, we'll continue to pray for you.

And as we said, hang on the line. We'd love to get some resources to you that we think will be helpful in your growth as a believer. By the way, we do have some great resources at our website, corechristianity.com. We have our core guides, our core questions, our Bible studies, and we actually have a newer resource we've been talking about for the last week or two, and it's something that really could help you if you are a Protestant and you have Catholic friends or relatives who think very differently about Christianity than you do, or maybe you're a Catholic and you really want to understand, well, what's the difference between what I believe in my Catholic church and what these evangelical Christians believe? Well, it's a wonderful resource and it's absolutely free.

We'd love to offer that to you today. Yeah, the resource is called What Still Divides Us, and as Bill said, great resource for those of you who are looking at learning it, you know, looking into learning more of the differences between Roman Catholicism and Protestant Christianity. Get a hold of it over at corechristianity.com forward slash radio.

Well, we do get voicemails here at the Core, and let's go to one that came in from a listener named Jeanette. I wanted some counsel here on a decision I've been praying about, and my husband, I know, feels differently than I, and I do want to support him as a leader of the household. I've been seeking the word and just resting in the Lord, but with some great intimidation, let's say here, and just asking for some piece of a decision of supporting a family member and thinking of some way to do it. I would be the only one of my family in supporting my cousin, and it would really do my soul good since I'm so separate from my family and living away from them.

So I just wanted some spiritual counsel on this. Jeanette, it sounds like a very difficult decision. It sounds like there are two things here. There's one, the disagreement that you have with your husband, and it sounds like with the rest of your family regarding providing support for a cousin.

I don't know what your cousin is dealing with if it's an addiction or something else, and I can tell that you carry a heavy burden. You want to help, and you feel like you're all alone maybe in that desire to want to help, and sometimes even knowing what help looks like is difficult for us. Are we enabling bad behavior? Are we really helping?

Two things. One, it sounds to me like your husband and family are saying, okay, this is not the best idea, and so maybe there's wisdom there, and of course you do have that exhortation that the apostle Paul gives in Ephesians 5 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Of course he goes on and says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, and so I think in humility what it really is is saying, God, I'm entrusting all of this to you. My cousin, her well-being, my relationship with my family, with my husband. I can't fix this, Lord. You see that I long to. I can't. I'm trusting you.

I'm submitting to you. I'm going to submit to my husband as well, and I'm going to pray, and that is something that you can do, and that is a powerful thing. Oftentimes we minimize the importance of prayer.

I would say pray for your cousin, and ask God to give you wisdom, and to give your family wisdom, so that if something does need to change, that they would have the ability to see that and to act accordingly. May the Lord be with you and bless you, Jeanette. Thank you for calling us. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, go to corechristianity.com forward slash radio, or you can call us at 1-833-843-2673.

That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, let us know how we can be praying for you, and be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.