My Kids Have Left the Faith. What Should I Do?

My kids have left the faith.

What should I do? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. Well, hi there. I'm Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. This is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can reach us right now with your question at this number, 833THECORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also post your question on one of our social media accounts, and you can email us your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. First up today, let's go to Christine in Cadminton, Missouri. Christine, what's your question for Pastor Adriel?

Hi. God bless you very much for taking my call. I wanted to know about John 2, verse 4, where Jesus, why did he say that to his mother? You know, a woman, what have I to do with thee?

And, you know, that's a question. And then he says, my time has not yet come. But then he goes ahead and makes the wine. And is there something in there about the marriage supper, the lamb, or anything?

Yeah. Hey, Christine, thank you so much for that question. First, we read John chapter 2, verse 4, and there are some people that are concerned with, you know, like, is Jesus being disrespectful to the Virgin Mary here, to his mother? John chapter 2, verse 4, Jesus said to her, woman, what does this have to do with me?

My hour has not yet come. And, of course, she was asking him to do something. They're at this wedding in Cana of Galilee, and they run out of wine. And she looks to her son. She looks to Jesus, and his response is, what does this have to do with me?

My hour has not yet come. First, Jesus is not being disrespectful. You know, the thing that is disrespectful, you know, the fifth commandment, honor your father and your mother. We know that Christ was perfectly obedient to the law of God, that at no point in his life did he ever dishonor his parents and sin in that way.

This was just sort of a normal way of speaking at that time. In fact, later in John's gospel, in John chapter 19, towards the end of Jesus's life, you know, when Jesus is speaking to his mother, verse 26 of John 19 says, when Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, woman, there's that language again, behold your son. And then he said to the disciple, behold your mother.

And from that hour, the disciple took her to his own home. So Jesus is not being disrespectful there. Really, what he's doing is he's focusing our eyes, the eyes of those around him on what was to come. The focus in the Gospel of John is this hour that is being referred to. And you hear this language throughout John's gospel. I think, for example, of John chapter 13, this is sort of kicking off what's referred to as Jesus's upper room discourse. And in John 13, verse 1, it says, now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. And so the hour that the Gospel of John is referring to is the hour of Christ's crucifixion, of his passion.

It's the reason for which Jesus entered into the world, to suffer for our sins and then to rise again from the dead for our justification so that we could have a perfect relationship with God. And that's what he's alluding to there in the beginning of the Gospel of John when he speaks about that hour. But of course, at this wedding, where Jesus turns the water into wine, there are, I think, hints of that future marriage supper of the Lamb, the union between Jesus and his bride, the church, that celebration that we're going to enter into when we're in the presence of the Lord Christine.

So there's a lot going on there, but that would be the best way of looking at this. Jesus is not being disrespectful. Instead, he's fixing our eyes on his passion on the Gospel that he's going to accomplish. Christine, thanks so much for your question. Thanks for being a regular listener of Core Christianity. By the way, if you want to email us your question, you can always do that at questionsatcorechristianity.com.

Here's an email we received from one of our listeners named Mary. She says, I'm the mother of adult children who have wandered from the faith. One of them is going to marry someone who isn't a Christian. How can I witness to my future son-in-law and my daughter in a way that's honest and winsome?

Well, sister, I'm sorry. And I know that you're not the only one who's in this situation, that there are many parents who long to see their kids walking with Jesus. And maybe for a time, it seemed like they were. And they were in the church and fellowshipping with the people of God and then have since drifted away, as you say. I think, first and foremost, you need to be committed to prayer. We cannot convert people. It's not the work of human might. It's not the work of the flesh.

It really is only a work of the Holy Spirit. God is the one who opens hearts. And of course, this is something you see all over the place in the Bible. I think about the preaching of the disciples in the book of Acts.

In Acts chapter 16, we read in verse 14, One who heard us was a woman named Lydia from the city of Thyatira, seller of purple goods, who was a worshiper of God. And the Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul. What we need is God to open the hearts. And so I would say, first and foremost, be committed to praying, to praying for your children, to praying that the Lord would open their hearts. Don't neglect that most important thing.

I think a lot of times we want to just fix the problem in whatever way we can. I want to cause this person to change. I just need to give them the truth, that kind of a thing. But you need to realize that the truth can only be received by the grace of the Holy Spirit.

And so pray. I love the story of the conversion of Saint Augustine. A long, long time ago, he talks about it in his book called The Confessions. And he didn't come to Jesus until later in life. And one of the things he gets into in The Confessions, in this story of his conversion, is the instrumental role that his mother played in his life. And he talks about how she just watered the ground with her tears as she would pray for him night and day, longing to see him embrace the faith. And for many years, he was sort of stiff-arming his mom, and the faith didn't want to have anything to do with the church. In fact, he would often mock the Christian faith and even his mother in what she believed. But the Lord was able. And the Lord did a mighty miracle in his life. And he talks about how his mother just prayed for him for many, many years. And so I want to encourage you to pray.

And also, to keep the doors open. That is to say, your children may make decisions that you disagree with. And I think you can be honest about the fact that you disagree with them, but make sure that they know that you're always there for them, that the doors are open, that you're speaking to open, that you're spending time with them, with pursuing them, and able to speak the truth in love, praying for God to give you wisdom to know how to address some of these situations, the things that you're saying that maybe you disagree with. But at the same time, if they're not claiming to be Christians, not holding that over them, if you will, not saying, well, you need to do this, that, and the other, because it's what I believe, helping them to realize that they need Jesus. And if they don't embrace the faith now, if they've rejected the Christian faith, not treating them as if they need to obey, in the sense that, as a Christian.

I'm thinking of, in particular, what the Apostle Paul said in places like 1 Corinthians, where he says, look, what have we to do with judging those who are on the outside? If somebody has rejected the faith, God is going to judge them for that, but we're still called to pursue them and to share the truth in love with them. Now, if your son claims to be a Christian, that's another story. And I think that in that situation, you could be more bold and just say, look, you're not living in line with at least what you've professed to say. And so this requires a lot of wisdom, but be immersed in prayer for yourself, for wisdom, and for your children.

Thank you for that call, or for that call, or for that email. You know, we have a lot of parents who share Mary's concern. They have kids that have kind of gone prodigal on them.

We have other parents who are raising their children right now, and they are concerned that might happen to them. We actually have a wonderful core guide on this topic. It's called Five Ways to Help Your Kids Keep the Faith. You can find that at our website, corechristianity.com forward slash guides. Five ways to help your kids keep the faith.

Now, go ahead. Bill, I was going to say you mentioned that word prodigal, right? And of course we have the parable of the prodigal son in Luke chapter 15. And it just shows you God's heart towards his wandering children. And I think that's the same kind of heart that we need to have for our kids, just longing to see them come to their senses. And sometimes it takes a long time, and that's what happened with the parable of the prodigal son.

He goes off into the world and living however he wants, and it isn't until he realizes his sin catches up to him, and he realizes, man, I had it so good in my father's house. And so that's what we pray for. We pray for people, for our children even at times, to have that realization. And maybe that's a text of scripture that you might want to camp out at and read and meditate upon and pray that your son would have that experience.

Such a great suggestion. If you have not read that particular parable, we would encourage you to open up your Bible and read about God's incredible love and mercy and grace for every one of us and how he welcomes us with open arms even when we have strayed. And that's what Adriel is suggesting you do with your kids as well. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. By the way, we have updated one of our core Bible studies, which is just a wonderful way to learn the core tenets of the Christian faith and really what we stand for here at Core Christianity.

We'd like to offer that to you today. Yeah, it's our Core Christianity 101 Bible study, a complete self-contained study on the Christian faith aimed at building a solid foundation in the basics. Often today, you hear either people saying things like, well, we're dividing over secondary issues in the church, or you see others who don't think that the important doctrines that we often talk about on this broadcast are as significant as they really are, doctrines like the doctrine of the resurrection or justification by faith alone. Biblical literacy is all over the place in the church today.

Sadly, many Christians just don't understand the basics of the Christian faith, of the Bible, of Christian theology. And so that's why we've made this Core 101 Bible study. It's a great one-stop shop for everyone to get to know our mission, and it explains many of these core truths in detail. And unlike our other Bible studies, which are for a donation of $20 or more, this is for a donation of any amount. So get a hold of this resource. Again, it's a 10-week Bible study, and you could use it in your small group.

You could use it personally. We'll give it to you for a donation of any amount at corechristianity.com. Just go to our website corechristianity.com forward slash studies and look for Core Christianity 101. You can also get that by calling us at 833-THE-CORE. That's 833-843-2673. You can also leave us a voicemail at that number 24 hours a day if you have a question for Pastor Adriel.

Here's a voicemail we received from one of our listeners named Jasmine in the United Kingdom. I just wanted to say a response to the episode where a girl asked a question about eating disorders. Yeah, I really appreciate that you prayed for her, but I did feel that it was like a sinful thing. I think we need to be really careful about that kind of language because part of it is choice, but it is primarily an illness. It's not something that anybody asks for, and you wouldn't blame somebody with a physical illness and say that it's a sin, that they're ill. That girl is listening again. It's not your fault that you've got ill, and obviously there is an element of a need for control, but I don't think it means that you don't trust God.

It just means that you need some extra help when you're not giving your body the nourishment it needs. You don't have the brain capacity to think straight. My advice is get help. Keep praying. Keep reading the Bible, even those days where your brain can't even register properly.

Thanks. Hey Jasmine, thank you for that follow-up all the way from the UK, and of course we're talking about, I mean that's one of the things I love about this broadcast, is we're talking about really serious issues, pastoral issues, and how to minister to people and how to think about the struggles that we have, and so often you have these sicknesses, diseases even, and then you also have sin, and all of these things woven together, and it's hard to separate those at times, but you're absolutely right. We don't want to suggest to someone that oh, this sickness that you have, this experience that you have, is just totally your fault. What we wrestle with is we're dealing with these experiences that we have, and then how it is that we respond to these things, and right, there are proper responses like going out and getting help, getting accountability, getting medical care, those kinds of things, and then there are improper responses, and sometimes it's with those improper responses I think where we do bear responsibility and where there can be sin, but I appreciate you reaching out to us and listening to the broadcast, and of course we want to be so careful as we're seeking to encourage those who are struggling with things like an eating disorder, and so thanks for reaching out. One of the things we often talk about on this broadcast is that there is our personal sin, and there's also the possibility that we've been sinned against, and sometimes those two things can intersect, and a person who's maybe been sinned against in some way ends up then falling into some kind of a pattern, and boy, that is another whole issue that we need to deal with, isn't it, Adriel?

Yeah, it absolutely is. We are sinners and we're sinned against, as you've heard on this broadcast before, if you've listened for some time, and so I think what that does is it just causes us to be humble as we talk about these things and also compassionate. We're not making excuses for sin, for our sinful behavior.

No, we're responsible for our actions, but at the same time we realize that we live in a world that's broken, fallen, and we're also the victims, if you will, of sin and of sinful acts, and so we're weighing all of this, bringing all of this together, and falling at the feet of Jesus Christ and saying, Lord, forgive me for my sins, but also, Lord, bring healing in my life and in my heart for those areas where I've been sinned against and that have led to devastating things in my own life. Help me, Lord, bring healing in my life, and so we desperately need Jesus in this broken world in which we live, and that's the hope that we have, is His goodness, His forgiveness, and the work of His Spirit to continue to bring that healing that we so look for. Amen. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, you can call us at 833-THE-CORE. Let's go to Lori in Nashville, Tennessee. Lori, what's your question for Pastor Adriel?

Yes, hi, good afternoon. On Revelation chapter 6, verses 9 and 10, would you please tell me if you think that this supports the idea that the saints in heaven can actually see what's happening on earth? Because I'm thinking about people that say, oh, my mother or my father are looking down now and they're smiling, but actually, if my mom was looking down, she'd probably be crying, and I thought there were not supposed to be any tears in heaven, so my question is about the verses 9 and 10 of chapter 6, if it supports that.

Yeah, an excellent question. Let me just read Revelation 6, 9 and 10. It says, when he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. They cried out with a loud voice, oh sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth. I mean, what an image, what a vision John is given here of the deceased saints, of those who had lost their lives for following Jesus, and they're not just in some kind of a soul sleep.

That kind of a thing is sometimes suggested. No, they're there around the throne of God, beneath the throne of God, crying out to the Lord, saying how long. They're offering up these prayers, if you will, to God, asking for justice to be done, and of course, there is the response in verse 11. They were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer until the number of their fellow servants and their brothers should be complete, who were to be killed as they themselves had been.

They're told to be patient and to wait. Now, I don't think that John's focus here, the takeaway here is not we're to conclude from this that those who are in heaven in the presence of the Lord are concerning themselves with the things of this earth, that they're just sort of up there gazing and watching. I think the focus of the saints in heaven, sometimes we refer to them as the church triumphant, that is all those who have believed in Jesus Christ and died and are now in the presence of the Lord. Their focus is the triune God. They are around his throne worshiping him.

You have this picture given to us in the book of Hebrews, in Hebrews chapter 12, just a myriad of saints and angels gathered around the throne of God worshiping the Lord. That's what's happening in heaven, worship. That's what they're consumed with.

They're not focused on what's going on down there, that kind of a thing so much. And yet there is this indication here that there is an awareness that they have there in the presence of the Lord. Now, does that mean that they're upset, that they're sorrowful, that kind of a thing?

No, I don't think so. There is this perfect peace there in the presence of the Lord, but they are crying out for justice, for God's kingdom to come, if you will. And that's precisely the same thing that we're commanded to pray for. And so I would say, yes, there is an awareness, but the focus here of Revelation chapter 6 is not, hey, when we're in heaven, what we're going to be doing is sort of standing in the stands or sitting in the stands of heaven watching the rest of what's taking place on earth. And that's what we're going to occupy our time with. No, we're going to be—our time is going to be occupied with worshiping the Lord and praising Him, and so that's what we have to look forward to. Thanks for your question, Laurie. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. You can watch us live on YouTube every day at 11 30 a.m. Pacific, which translates into 12 30 Mountain, 1 30 Central, or 2 30 Eastern time, and that's the time to call into the studio.

So if you hear this program at a later time in the day, it's tape delayed by that particular radio station, so that's the time you either want to call in live or watch us on YouTube, listen to the radio, 11 30 a.m. Pacific time, 1 30 Central. Let's go to a YouTube question that came in from Shana Zia, and he or she says, should we cut off our parents if they're toxic and they don't take responsibility for their actions, or do we continue to try and have some sort of relationship with them? Look, we always say, I always say it's really important that we distinguish between forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. Forgiveness is something you're always called to as a Christian, and people sin against us, they hurt us, even the people that, you know, we hoped would have been the greatest models of love, sometimes even our closest family members can sin against us, and we are called as Christians to extend forgiveness from the heart. And of course, the only way that we can do that is really through meditating on the great forgiveness that God has shown to us in the gospel. We didn't deserve it, we were rebels, we had turned our backs on him, and yet he pursued us in love. And if God has forgiven us the great weight, the great mountain of sin that we had committed against him, then we too ought to forgive.

And of course, Jesus brings us up over and over again in the gospels. But forgiveness is different than reconciliation, and you might forgive your parents who maybe have sinned against you in some grievous way, but reconciliation happens when the other party, the people who have sinned against you, where they recognize what it is that they've done, and they do take responsibility. There's confession, there's repentance. You can forgive regardless of what another person does, but reconciliation does require two parties. And so I would say with family members, you know, we want to be reconciled. And that takes a lot of work, that takes honesty, being able to say, hey, this is what you did to me, and this is how it affected me. And them, you know, having the humility to be able to say, you know, I'm so sorry, I see that.

That's really, you know, what you want. And I think what we should always pursue within the body of Christ, and certainly also within our own families, is that reconciliation. We can pursue that, especially through the gospel of Jesus.

And restoration is even a step further. It's saying, look, the relationship is going to be restored to what it was. And of course, if an individual recognizes what they've done, if they repent of it, then there's possibility for that.

But if they don't, as you said, you know, use that word toxic. If they're just draining me and maybe my family and getting in between my family causing harm, well then maybe it's not the best thing to bring restoration to the relationship right away. Maybe you're still praying that there would be that real and genuine repentance so that healing, true healing, can happen. And so I know that this is a really complex issue, but my encouragement to you is, forgive. Forgive through the gospel. You know, meditate on what Jesus has done for you and say, Lord, you have forgiven me so much. I want to forgive those who have sinned against me. And then pray for reconciliation. Pray that your parents or your family members, whoever sinned against you, that they would have a sense of what it is that they've done.

And maybe that means having a conversation and being very honest and saying, look, this is how your actions have affected me. And then saying, Lord, open their eyes and their heart to see that so that there can be healing, so that there can be reconciliation. And then praying also for wisdom and saying, Lord, what does it look like potentially to restore this relationship?

If that is the wisest thing to do, the right thing to do, how can we do this in a way that is honoring to you and is ultimately going to be for the good of both of us. And so that's what we long for, brothers and sisters. You know, the peace that we have through Jesus Christ and the gospel allows us to have peace with one another, both within the church and also within our families. And so we pursue that peace. Too often, I think, we just, when somebody sins against us, we want to cut them out of our lives immediately. We really ought to, on the basis of what God has done for us, pursue them in love. Praise the Lord. Join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.