The Darkness of a Broken Family - Part B

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you. Set the prisoner free. Set it free. Resolve the conflict. Talk it out.

Decide to forgive. Skip Heitzig has some straight talk about hell. The lake of fire is name of a place of eternal torment. You might call it the final hell.

The Bible calls it the second death. So hell is an actual place. There's a second fact I want you to notice and that is hell is an intentional place. This is critical information about the future of those who reject salvation through Jesus.

But that does not need to be the destiny of any man or woman on earth. That's why we've assembled a special resource called the eternity package to give you confidence in your eternal home and an urgency to share Christ with those who don't believe. God created hell for a very specific reason. Verse 41 he will say to those on the left hand depart from me you cursed into the everlasting fire here it is prepared for the devil and his angels.

God did not create hell as a place to punish people. The eternity package comes with seven of Pastor Skip's most powerful messages about eternity covering topics like the truth about hell what most people don't know about heaven the second coming of Christ and much more. You'll also receive his booklet hell no don't go about the glory of heaven and the torment of hell. This powerful new resource is our thanks for your gift of fifty dollars or more to support the broadcast ministry of Connect with Skip Heitzig. So get your copy of the eternity package on CD or as a digital download today when you give a gift of fifty dollars or more. Give online securely at connectwithskip.com slash offer or call 800-922-1888. All right we're going to be in First Samuel 24 as we join Skip for today's lesson. Let me say blemished is far better than broken and if you have a blemished husband an imperfect blemished husband do everything in your power wives to keep that husband from being a broken man refrain from overly criticizing him and put downs that make him feel lower and lower and lower or husbands if you have a blemished wife and she drives you crazy with those antics of hers do everything you can to make sure she doesn't end up broken try try to manage the conflict now I'm not here to give you all the ins and outs of that except to say there's a few ways that will help you do that number one it's called forgiveness forgiveness be big on forgiveness be ready to forgive Jesus taught us the Lord's prayer forgive us our debts as we forgive those who are debtors against us but then he said this if you refuse to forgive men their trespasses neither will your father in heaven forgive you yours forgive another added thing to that I would say is learn to look for good traits if they're driving you crazy and all you can see is the flaws in your mate or your relationships learn to spot the good traits 1 Corinthians 13 love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things love never fails and then the third tip I would add to that is make the first move if there's tension make the first move if there's a wall make the first move if if there's coldness make the first move Matthew 18 our Lord said if your brother sins against you go and show him his fall just between the two of you if he listens to you you will win over your brother so blemished is better than broken David is now in a very broken family system the second principle the second comparison is that respect is better than revenge respect is better than revenge so get the scene David is fleeing from Saul Saul has 3 000 men David has 600 men he's outnumbered five to one Saul finds out he's down by the Dead Sea and in Getty Saul goes to chase him now the story gets a little bit humorous verse three so he came to the sheepfolds by the road where there was a cave and it says Saul went in to attend to his needs you know what that is right I don't have to explain that to you he went in to attend to his needs he's using the restroom David and his men were staying in the recesses of the cave so this is funny David uh Saul's there and goes excuse me I gotta go use the restroom he goes in the restroom not knowing there's 600 soldiers in the restroom then the men of David said to him remember they're in the darkness of the cave this is the day of which the Lord said to you behold I will deliver your enemy into your hand that you may do to him it seems good to you and David arose and secretly cut off a corner of Saul's robe can you can you picture this Saul's in the darkness on his haunches taking care of business staring out to the cave David comes sneaking up snip cuts a little piece of the robe off now verse five now what happened afterwards David's heart troubled him because he had cut Saul's robe now his men are saying cut his throat never mind his robe but he feels guilty that he took a little piece of his robe off and he said to his men the Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master watch this the Lord's anointed to stretch out my hand against him seeing his he is the anointed of the Lord so David restrained his servants with these words and did not allow them to rise against Saul and Saul got up from the cave and went his way this is David's golden opportunity to take revenge and as he gets close to Saul maybe all of the feelings of the past start coming to the surface like he's remembering those two times when Saul threw a spear his way his way and his blood starts to boil and he thinks now is the time to take revenge I don't know what feelings he was struggling with or overcoming but he didn't take revenge now revenge is pretty easy to take we feel justified when we do it I'll guarantee you we feel justified in fact we feel good revenge is a lot of fun when somebody cuts you off on the road because they don't like your driving and swerves in front of you and gives you the one way to heaven sign only with a different finger you got to understand they're they feel really good when they do that they get they got something off their tooth they told you to them it's satisfying it's dumb but it's satisfying an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth brings a level of satisfaction with I heard a story about a gal who worked for a family she was the maid for a long time took care of everything washed their dishes took the kids to school the the family fired her and she didn't understand why the job was everything to her and she she was shaken by it but the family said don't want to talk about it just pack your bags and get out so she's about to leave the front door she opens the front door then she takes a five dollar bill out of her purse and throws it to the family dog and the family said why are you giving our dog five dollars she goes I never forget a friend that's for all the times your dog helped me clean your dishes see it revenge just a little that dig felt so good to say that but David does not take revenge instead David is very respectful respect over revenge respect is better than revenge the queen of soul Aretha Franklin sang it so well r-e-s-p-e-c-t find out what it means to me what it meant to David is I don't touch the one God has raised up the Lord's anointed you know soldiers are taught to salute their superior officer even if they hate their superior officer and here's why they will tell you you salute the rank not the man you always salute the rank whether whatever you feel about that person is irrelevant they are still at a higher rank David is saluting the rank this is the one the Lord has raised up and can I just make a quick plea to all parents raising small children please teach your children respect there is no excuse for being disrespectful please teach them that teach them to respect you mom and dad because if they don't respect you they're not going to respect their teacher they're not going to respect police officers they're not going to respect the authority and you see it all over the place not just on on every filthy branch of social media people mouthing off and spewing off to each other but you're seeing it now in public begins at home one man said when I was a kid there was no respect for youth now that I'm old there's no respect for age he said I missed it coming and going well the way to get it is to give it be the kind of person who is quick to give respect respect is better than revenge let me take it to a third principle light is better than darkness light is better than darkness in verse 8 David also arose afterward now watch this he went out of the cave so now he's in the light the sunlight broad daylight and called out to Saul now Saul is now done with his business he's outside of the cave he's ready to move on so they're both outside he calls to Saul saying my lord the king and when Saul looked behind him David stooped with his face to the earth and bowed down it might seem incidental to you but to me it's not David dealt with the problem between he and Saul in the daylight in the light David does nothing in the darkness of the cave for two reasons number one he's not going to touch God's anointed number two anything done in the dark cave would be less than optimal there's a lot of things David could have done David could have killed Saul in that cave David could have scared Saul boom David could have taken him by the neck and forced confession by putting a knife to his throat forcing a resolution all of that is less than optimal none of that would have done any good he waits till Saul leaves then he goes outside where you can see plainly and clearly and deals with it face to face eye to eye in case you might be thinking I'm making too much out of this I was reading this week a story of a man who at one time in his life frequented bars and clubs and he was talking about that lifestyle and he said you know I always noticed that bars are dark clubs are dark and he said I always wondered why that is why are these places always dark they never like turn up the lights they turn down the lights and he guesses it's because it makes people less aware of themselves less self-conscious listen to his words darkness hides things one is more inclined to approach a woman at night in a jam-packed room with loud music than in broad daylight in a quiet coffee shop it's because self-consciousness is low or absent completely darkness heightens anonymity the mask of darkness allows one to act other than themselves did you know that when you communicate to another person 55% of what you communicate is through facial expression facial expression so in the package of communication what people see in your face 55% is communicated through facial expression a full between 70 and 90 is body language so facial expression what you do with your hands if you point with your fingers all of that is conveyed more is conveyed by what you see than the words you hear so tightness around the mouth and the eyes lowered eyebrows frowning scowling glaring sweating crossed arms all of that conveys anger and disapproval whereas relaxed muscles gently closed mouth slow breathing arms uncrossed low steady tones of voice all of that communicates reassurance and a desire to resolve now you can't see that in the dark you can't see that in a text you can't see that in an email you can't even see that on a phone call all of those are subpar levels of communication the best way to communicate especially to resolve a conflict is bring it into a well-lit room where you can actually see that person eye to eye body language facial expression light is better than darkness i'll take you to the fourth and final one we'll close on this truth is better than triumph truth is better than triumph so in verse 9 david said to saul now they're in the broad daylight david said to saul why do you listen to the words of the men who say indeed david seeks your harm look this day your eyes have seen that's very important to the last point your eyes have seen that the lord has delivered you today into my hand in the cave because he he has a little piece of cloth and someone urged me to kill you but my eyes spared you and said i will not stretch out my hand against my lord for he is the lord's anointed moreover my father see yes the corner of your robe in my hand that's what he is there to see non-verbal communication for in that i cut off the corner of your robe and did not kill you know and see there is neither evil nor rebellion in my hand and i have not sinned against you yet you haunt my life to take it let the lord judge between you and me let the lord avenge me on you but my hand shall not be against you down in verse 16 so it was when david finished speaking these words to saul that saul said is this your voice my son david and david lifted up his voice and wept and then he said to david you are more righteous than i true for you have rewarded me with good whereas i have rewarded you with evil and you have shown this day how you have dealt well with me for when the lord delivered me into your hand you did not kill me for if a man finds his enemy will he let him get away safely therefore may the lord reward you with good for what you have done to me this day that is what david wanted to hear david was more interesting interested in winning over saul than he was in winning the argument truth to david was better than triumph david didn't want to walk away and said i got him he wanted to win him over he wanted to resolve the conflict now i want you to see this when i say truth is better than triumph david still believes he needs to confront saul and he does he waits till they get outside and though he respected saul and though he had a sensitive conscience he still confronts him with truth he didn't kick back in the cave and stay in the cave and say i'm gonna wait till saul leaves and i'm just gonna go my own way he'll never know i was here he goes out and has an honest confrontation an honest confrontation some of you hate the sound of that word confrontation even honest confrontation but jesus said i remind you again if your brother sins against you go tell him his fault between you and him alone if he hears you you have gained your brother psalm 27 or proverbs 27 says faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful ever think about that faithful are the wounds of a friend a friend will wound you the right way think of it this way an enemy stabs you in the back a friend stabs you in the front carefully lovingly gingerly respectfully but he tells you the truth up front in your face he confronts nathan will confront david later on he will say you're the man honest confrontation later on paul the apostle will confront peter for his hypocrisy before the galatian christians honest confrontation some of you hate confrontation in fact i would say most people hate confrontation in fact i'd say you gotta you gotta have a screw loose to actually love confrontation there are some people who actually love it but they have a screw loose they have a screw loose but most of us hate it but conflict delayed is conflict multiplied conflict delayed is conflict multiplied confrontation will help you stop the conflict you say you know what i i hate conflict but you know let's have this out let's talk this out let's throw down right now and get this over with and resolve the issue you know the name cory ten boom i've told you about her over the years she was a dutch girl raised in a home that was hiding jews so the nazis couldn't find them in their home family was arrested the girls were thrown in a concentration camp then another concentration camp then another concentration for years abused starving eventually the war ended they were let out of the concentration camp cory ten boom traveled around and spoke at different places i heard her speak at my church years ago when she before she went to heaven but she tells a story that after she was released at some place she was speaking at a man came up to her and put his hand out to shake her hand and she recognized him as a prison guard in the nazi concentration camp and she saw that hand and saw that face he went she was repelled because he was the most cruel little tyrant made their life miserable and she didn't want to shake that hand she did not want to resolve that conflict she didn't want to deal with that listen to her words i stood there with coldness clutching at my heart but i know that the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart i prayed jesus help me woodenly mechanically i thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me and i experienced an and i experienced an incredible thing a warm reconciliation seemed to flood my whole being i forgive you for a long moment we grasped each other's hands the former guard the former prisoner i have never known the love of god so intensely as i did in that moment to forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you set the prisoner free set it free resolve the conflict talk it out decide to forgive mechanically woodenly go through the motions if you have to and watch god change your heart whatever blemish your family has does not have to be like this broken and if it is broken and if you feel broken today and you just even loathe the system of difficulty that you have in your family ah then you are you're in the right place because that's god's territory in fact god's specialty you might say are broken things it's like he takes special delight not in new things but in broken things you know we whenever we have something that's broken we usually throw it away it's broken it's chip throw it away get something new we do that with people throw them away get something new we do it with relationships marriages throw it away get marriages throw it away get something new god does not god takes that which is broken the sacrifices of god are a broken spirit a broken and contrite heart he will not despise you let god into that heart because you'll find that he'll take your brokenness your family's brokenness he'll work on it and then he'll use you and so you come as you are you don't have to be fixed to be a follower you don't have to be a fixed you know i'll get my act together then i'll come to god no you come broken you come broken you come as you are and you let him in let him superintend the process of the healing and the mending that's Skip Heitziging with a message from the series dark room find the full message as well as books booklets and full teaching series at connect with Skip dot com right now here's Skip and lenya to share some exciting news about a trip to the holy land i'm guessing that many of you have thought about talked about maybe even dreamed about visiting israel well let's make that happen lenya and i are taking a tour group to israel next summer in 2024 and i can't wait we'll start in tel Aviv head north to nazareth the sea of galley and the jordan river we'll spend several days in jerusalem and see the garden of gethsemane the upper room and so much more and we'll wrap it all up with a swim in the dead sea now i've been to israel many times like over 40 in fact i can honestly say though that visiting the places where the scriptures unfolded where jesus lived out his earthly ministry it never gets old no it doesn't the incredible sightseeing will be punctuated by times of worship and teachings that you'll never forget and jeremy camp and ad camp will be with us to lead worship make plans to join us next summer in israel see the itinerary and book this israel tour with Skip heitig and jeremy camp today at inspirationcruises.com slash cabq that's inspirationcruises.com slash cabq and we're excited to send you more content from pastor Skip and this ministry right to your mobile device to join our new text messaging group just text the word connect to seven four seven five nine that's connect to seven four seven five nine then be on the lookout for your first message a video from pastor Skip welcoming you to the group don't miss tomorrow's timely message from Skip it's all about dealing with darkness in society connection connect with Skip Heitzigen is a presentation of connection communications connecting you to god's never changing truth in ever-changing times