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Wednesday, January 8th | Raising Kids Today

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah
The Truth Network Radio
January 8, 2025 6:00 am

Wednesday, January 8th | Raising Kids Today

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah

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January 8, 2025 6:00 am

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In this episode of Clearview Today, Dr. Shah talks about parenting and how the landscape has changed for our kids.

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What's going on Clearview Today listeners? It's David here from the Clearview Today Show and I just want to let you know that today's episode and today's secret word is brought to you by Mighty Muscadine, king of the superfoods. Mighty Muscadine offers a variety of products from their signature muscadine grape juice to powerful dietary supplements.

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Today's secret word is codswallop, which is pretty much nonsense. And today's contestant is John Galantis. You're listening to Clear View Today with Dr. Abbadan Shah, a daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm Ryan Hill.

I'm John Galantis. You can find us online at ClearViewTodayShow.com. Or if you have any questions for Dr. Shah or suggestions for new topics, send us a text at 252-582-5028. Or you can email us at contact at ClearViewTodayShow.com.

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The link is in the description below. And we are here in the Clear View Today studio with Dr. Abbadan Shah, who's a PhD in New Testament textual criticism. Dr. Shah, welcome to the show, my friend.

Welcome to the show. Happy hump day. Oh, nice. Nice. Wacky Wednesday.

Yeah, Wacky Wednesday. Yay was the secret word. I just decided to applaud myself.

Hey, man, it's all good here. I'll give you some earphones, too. I love that we got two, for anyone who doesn't know, we got two soundboard setups. And Dr. Shah's got one. I got one. You don't have one, which I think is fine.

It's okay. Can we get him one? Can we get him one? Can we get Ryan one? Just get you one?

You can just have a little soundboard. You can always touch mine, but I really don't like it. I wish you wouldn't, but I wish you wouldn't. I have the opportunity to do that. Actually, maybe I'll... No, you can't.

You can't. Oh, okay. Well. The verse of the day today is coming to us from Revelation chapter one, verse eight. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, says the Lord, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty. Amen.

That's who he is. Dr. Shah, Prophecy Series coming up. Yes. It has begun.

Actually, we're just talking about the preamble in a sense. Last couple of weeks ago, I talked about the overcomer mindset. Prophecy is more than just date setting. It's about overcoming. If you read the seven letters given to the seven churches of Asia Minor by Jesus, at the end of each of those letters, he says, blessed is he who overcomes.

That's right. He who overcomes, I'll give him this or something like that. So that word is found 17 times in the Book of Revelation. It means God wants us to live the overcomer's life. It means you're not just going through the problems. You're learning to triumph over the problems.

The word nikauo means not just overcomer, but also conqueror or somebody who defeats the obstacles. So that's part of prophecy. And then we're talking about the importance of prayer.

This coming weekend, we'll be talking about prayer and how prayer changes our mindset about the future, the present, everything. Yeah. We had a great time on our live stream. If you didn't get a chance to see it, you can go back in the feed.

It's going to be like a two hour bonus episode when it's all edited. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. It was great hearing from everybody and then just knowing that we were all together, not just us here in the studio, but people from far and wide in the spirit of prayer. Thank you all for calling in, by the way. And Dr. Shah and I, we were kind of all talking about it at lunch.

We want to start doing more live shows. Yeah, absolutely. Giving people a chance to call in and for us to pray with them. And we're not going to mention names. We're going to make sure we filter that the best we can, names, circumstances.

We'll just kind of make sure, you know, God knows the situation, God knows the people involved, but our job is to pray for them. That's right. And so in studying prophecy, prayer is important. And finally, the importance of fellowship, the importance of community. And so these are the things I'm discussing right now before we launch into the series on prophecy. That's right.

And it's going to be one of the best series and the longest running series of all time. I agree. I agree. Gentlemen, happy Wednesday, first and foremost.

Happy Wednesday. How are you all liking my fresh cut? My fresh fade? I like it. David, did you get a haircut?

A low taper fade? You haven't got it yet? I saw it, Dick, you went and got one the other day. I need to get one.

It's a past time for me to get one. Yeah, I mean, yours still looks pretty good, though. It's a little scraggly. I always like the way your hair looks. Your hair, this sounds like an insult, but I don't mean it that way. Your hair always looks like it's wet. Like it looks like it's sleek and shiny. I like that.

Okay. Sleek and shiny is good. Wet was not- No.

That didn't make me feel nice. What I mean is like, you know when you get out of the shower? That's kind of when your hair always looks the best is right when you get out of the shower. Oh, my hair looks terrible when I get out of the shower. No, like when a guy's- not with women, I think, but a lot of guys when they get out of the shower- You have short hair, though. My hair is not nearly as short as yours is.

What I mean is you usually have that kind of aftershower, like fresh look with your hair. I've always liked that about you. Well, thank you.

I appreciate that. I want to tell you something- Maybe I'll leave with wet next time. You look like you got damp hair.

It's kind of moist. No, I'm joking. The story I want to tell you all really is not about the haircut. It's about what happened on haircut day. So this was last Saturday.

It was before service. We were bringing down the curtains from play season, right? And so I was like, well, we're done.

We're kind of wrapping up. It's about noon. I'm going to take Gavin, my oldest son, four-year-old, to go get a haircut. Krispy Kreme is right beside the haircut place.

So typically, when we've got time to kill, we'll get a haircut together, and then me and him will go in. I'll get a cup of coffee, get a couple of donuts. We'll sit. I'll get him a milk. We'll sit. We'll chat. It's a good time.

And he's learned that pattern. So he asked, on the way there, are we getting a donut on the way? Can we get a donut? And I said, not today, buddy, because we're going to be pressed for time. I don't know what the line's going to look like. We got to come back because service is tonight.

He was like, okay. We get there. I can already see the parking lot is full at Lady Jane's at the haircut place. So we get there. We pass it. And the first thing he said, well, he asked a couple of times on the way, are we going to stop and get donuts?

No, bud. We're not getting donuts today. So two or three times he's asked. We stop. We get out. And he's like, I smell donuts. I smell donuts. And I was like, yeah, the donut place is right. And I could smell it too. So I gave him that one. He was like, I could smell the donuts. I was like, yeah, but we're not stopping to get donuts today. He was like, aw. I held his hand. We walk in.

Lady Jane's, I'm not going to lie. I don't think it was them, but it just took forever. I was in that chair for like an hour just waiting to go. They finally called Gavin over.

We got our hair cut in like 15 minutes. He always gets a lollipop. They love Gavin at that place. They always give him a lollipop.

That was nice. Did they give him one this time? They gave him one this time. He behaves very well in the haircut place. He's not running around. He can get a lollipop.

Man, I'm telling you. He knows. Gavin's Gavin understands behavior and reward. He understands if I chill and just sit here, I'll get something. Holden has not figured that out quietly. But Gavin is like, if I'm pleasing to people, I will get a reward. And he always does.

So we're walking. So as we're in the haircut, the chair, as he's getting the haircut, he's like, Dad, are you going to surprise me with a donut? I was like, Gavin, at this point, I'm like, I just have to hold to my word. At this point, I probably have enough time, but I can't go back now.

She has a degree in psychology. So he was like, are you going to surprise me with a donut? He's four. Dad, you shouldn't have. He's not seven or eight. He's four. He's barely. He just turned four. He's still kind of a three year old. He was like, are you going to surprise me with a donut?

I was like, nobody. We're not stopping to get a donut today. So we pay. He gets his lollipop, sticks the lollipop in his pocket. I kid you not, we are walking by the donut place. And he goes, what? Why are we going in the donut shop?

He was a master. He was like, wait, what are we doing? Why are we going in the donut shop right now? This is like a master class in manipulation. This is hilarious. I knelt down.

I'll show you what I did. I knelt down and I grabbed his face. I was like, Gavin, we are not getting donuts today. And he was like, OK, we are not going home without donuts today.

It was like three questions in the car. Can we please get donuts? Then it was, oh, wow, I smell donuts. Then it was, are you going to surprise me getting donuts? Dad, oh you.

Gavin is so smart. He was trying to convince me that it was already in motion. Like we were outside on the sidewalk. He was like, huh, what? Why are we going in the donut shop?

Dad, I love that you've had this idea. Wow. And I was like, I don't know where it came from. I can't believe this. Like out of someone Evie's age, I could understand kind of trying to.

This was a four year old. I couldn't believe it. So I was like, he's smart and he knows you. And he's like, I think I'm just going to whittle that down enough.

I can just kind of wedge this. Did y'all's kids do stuff like that? Like it was his idea. Our kids? No, they never did anything bad. Look, we did just us, man. We always misunderstood them. All our lives is like like, hey, you got to open up.

Sorry, I just I read you wrong again. So one of these days I'll figure this parenting thing out. But yeah, I'm working on it.

It's like zero to one hundred. I mean, I keep losing. He was like he was like trying to convince me that it was already in motion. Like the last one was so crazy. He was like, what? Wait a minute. Like he was playing confused. What are we doing? Why are we going to the donut shop? I was like, that's so funny.

This kid cannot be serious. I turned the conversation, but that's how we are with God. We try to play those games and we think God doesn't get it because it doesn't pick up on our evil hearts or our our, you know, our lying spirits.

He knows, you know, it's so much better to say, God, I'm prone to sin, prone to wander. That's right. I feel it. I feel it. Yes.

Prone to leave the God I love. That's right. It just was it was funny. And I think that that is such a good point, because to me, that seems such an obvious like you're not slick.

Yeah. That was not slick at all. Like if you thought that was. But in his mind, he thought it was slick. And I even think about like now that I'm 30 years old, I feel like I'm slick, like I'm slick enough to outmaneuver God, or I feel like I'm slick enough to outmaneuver life or or I'm so I've gotten so smart and so wise and so cunning. Not cunning, but you know what I'm saying? Suave. Suave. Yeah.

Then I can I can sort of frame this and get around it. And God is looking down from like this is the most obvious thing. Yeah.

Yeah. It's and there's so much we have to learn about parenting. And who better to learn that from the perfect parents? Because none of us are all right. As good as parents can be, as balanced as we can be, as even biblical we can be. We're still faulty.

We're still broken. That's right. And the only parent who is perfect is God himself. That's right. That's right. Maybe we can talk about that on the show today. Absolutely. Guys, don't go anywhere.

We're going to take a quick break and be right back with more Clearview today. It's true. Honor God and invest in his kingdom. That's every single dollar that you know, that's us. Yeah. Last night. Yeah. Have guys loud in desperate need. ISIS flags. Oh, wow. To give to the today show. You can visit our website, clearveetodayshow.com and press that little button that says give today. And we just want to say thank you for your support. That's perfect.

Continue to bless you. You want to drop this in radio boys real quick? Just in case we because we can bank this episode. But since we're talking about parenting, let's get back to the show. Keep talking about parenting. Welcome back to Clear View today with Dr. Abbadan Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You can visit us online at Clear View today show dot com. Or if you have any questions or suggestions for new topics, send us a text to two five two five eight two five zero two eight. That's right. We're on the topic of parenting today. I'm going to try to pretend like I didn't try to get gas lit by a four year old. But I think that is such a funny thing. Like we were talking about this a little bit before the break where, like to us, it's so obvious.

Right. But to that four year old, he was like, man, I really feel like I've got this figured out. And there have been times in my adult life, even even still, where I'm like, I think I got this licked. Yeah, I think I got God figured out. I'm going to read the I'm going to read the Bible and I'm going to read it like it's an instruction manual. And since God can't change, I can sort of find my way around these. Yeah, I can I can find a pathway that gets me what I want and I still like the good guy.

That's right. Do you think we'll ever learn? Do you think humans will always be this way? Yeah, we are. We are like Adam. Yeah. Like Adam.

You know, he after he sinned, he went and hit himself and God had to go. Where are you? Because, you know, you usually would run out and want to walk with me in the cool of the day. But now you're hiding over there making coverings with fig leaves. You can't really cover yourself, but this is what you're doing, right? You think you can hide from me? Do you think you can lie to me?

Yeah, you can. I got you figured out. It's so it's so amazing how when you become a parent, you start to it's almost like you unlock a different level of understanding about God because you see how your kids interact with you.

Like there are so many times where my kids went and hid or tried to cover up something that they did when I know exactly what you did. It's obvious that you have made a mistake. It's obvious that you need to come and tell me what's. It's just that's all it is.

Don't do it. What the world? God's wallop. God's wallop. It's nonsense. Yeah, I didn't choose the guy.

Please. Here's the thing. I would like to defend myself. I when I chose that word. I was loving you a softball because I've heard you like it. I've heard you say that plenty of times you're like you'll you'll be like doing something.

Then you'll get really aggressive and you'll be like, that's why I was like, I was nonsense or malarkey. The only reason I knew cuts while it was even a word is because it was in Harry Potter when he had good God's wallop, in my opinion. That's the only time I could say I could see you saying, no, God's wallop. God's wallop, vittles, rituals. Yeah.

All those things. Yeah. Well, I don't even know how to get back on topic after God's wallop. You were saying something about your kids. You see, they just try to pull a fast one and just be like, I don't know who did that. I'm like, guys, obviously, I know this is you. I know this is why are you trying to pull a fast one on me? I'm your dad. I know.

I know what's happened. And that's a small example of what we do in our relationship with God. Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. According to Pew Research, this came out in 2023, but the survey was done in 2022.

It's most parents say parenting is rewarding and enjoyable, but some also find it tiring and stressful. Good point. And so rewarding all of the time, 36 percent.

Most of the time, 44 percent. The rest don't find it. They don't find it. They don't find it.

They prefer to not find it. If you're watching on the on the video version of the podcast, the chart is on the screen right there. Yeah. OK, so there is the gender and parenting one right there.

Click on that. Yep. OK. And so here you have some research on gender and parenting. Mothers, moms and dads differ in their approach to parenting.

Mothers are more likely than fathers to say they are overprotective and given too quickly. I believe that. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah.

And I don't wonder why that is. I mean, I'm sure it's in their nature to do that. I wonder also how much of it has to do with them being home more often and them getting to that point quicker, or if it's just that sort of their nature.

Maybe some major thing happened. Yeah. If you go down, it's about a third of moms say go down. Being a parent is the most important aspect of who they are. That could be that could be an element of that, too, where, like they're putting their whole identity into this role. Yeah. It's not just part of it.

It's that's who they are. Look at the difference between mothers and fathers. Thirty five is the most important versus fathers.

Twenty four. That's a great point. That's a great point.

I never thought of that. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say being a parent is tiring and stressful. I believe that. Most of the time. Most of the time, if a parent is going to be home with the kids, not always.

I mean, they're stay at home dads, but most of the time it's going to be a stay at home mom. I don't know if this happens to y'all, but do y'all ever like go home and like you come home and the kids are like, and like from then until bedtime, it's just all fun and your wife is just like, I'm so sick of you. That's not the reaction I want.

I want you to be stressed by this. So not necessarily that, but it's always like, why do they listen to you and not me? Why do they?

You say something once and in a nice tone and they do it and I have to repeatedly like yell at them and they still don't listen. Yeah. I feel bad in America because of homes where, you know, single parenting is going on. It's hard. It's hard because you need both moms and dads. And there are families who are doing a great job making the best they can. And they've had, you know, people from church, men stepping in and, you know, not becoming the dad, but they help in that role the best they can. But when it doesn't happen, they struggle.

There's another one here further down. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say they feel judged for how they apparent, except when it comes to judgment from a spouse or partner. So like they feel like people outside their marriage are judging how they parent their kids? For moms. But it seems like it's the opposite for dads. Dads feel more judged by their mother.

By their partner. Yeah. I can see that. I can see that. A hundred percent. If you go further down, this one here, dads tend to be less worried than moms about their children facing certain hardships. Yeah. So look at look at some of the hardships like the struggling with anxiety, depression, being bad. Dads are like, get over it.

Yeah, you'll be fine. Which is not good. Being bullied. Dads are like being kidnapped or abducted. Really? I thought dad would be like be more more aggressive. Like I would be I guess maybe maybe they're less worried and more just kind of like on it. Because I wouldn't consider themselves worried. Just so I'm just hyper vigilant because I don't. Well, I'll be honest when Gavin's here or at home or holding to like I barely think about it. But like when I'm out in public, I am more vigilant.

Like one, two, three, four, five. Nobody is where they need to be. Nobody's letting go of my hand right now. Absolutely.

Ellie does not hold the kids hands in public. So if these numbers are true, which I don't have any reason not to believe them. Yeah. That's disturbing. Now, there's one down there.

I want to go back up getting in pregnant or getting someone pregnant as a teen. Moms and dads are like right next to each other. And they barely care. It's like 17 percent. 17 percent moms, 14 percent dads. It's like neither one of them really cares. That's crazy. Getting in trouble with the police. Only 14 percent.

Why is that so low? Yeah, I was thinking like, wow, some of those are not some of those are not that I'll get more. Maybe I'll just have good kids. Yeah. Well, no, I just I mean, it could be. But I I worry about that more than I do, like some of the other stuff. Like there are times where like Holden will find me. We've seen it like he'll be here in the cafe. He'll fall and hit his head on the floor. And everyone's like, oh, oh, oh, no. And I'm like, he's fine, guys. He'll have a goose egg on his head for a couple of days. He's OK.

But I worry about like him growing up, getting in trouble with the police, being dumb teenagers, but then it going on his record or something like that. Go further down. About half of moms say it's extremely important that their children be accepting of people different from them as adults. Yeah.

Extremely important that their children be accepting of people different than I mean, different in what way? Yeah. There's some ways that you should not be accepting. Yeah. If it's if it's like weird homosexuality or something like that. Not that you don't need to be hateful. Right.

But to accept them and say, oh, that's their life. This is a Christian source. No, Pew Research is sort of just, you know, just a research. OK, OK. I didn't know what the with the name if that implied that they were.

Barna is definitely a Christian resource research center. But here's another one. Mothers and fathers have different views of who does more when it comes to many child care tasks. Yeah, that's true. What do you all think about that? Oh, 100 percent.

That's that's early in our in our marriage or early in parenting. I guess that was an argument where he had way more where it was like I do infinitely more than you. And it wasn't really even an argument for me. I was like, yeah, you do. That's that's the reality of it.

What do you want me to do? I can't change that. Yeah. And I think that's one of the things that moms and dads, once they come to peace with that, once they accept it, they don't really fight about it anymore. You know, it's just sort of why I think that falls into this is a larger discussion about marriage. I think that falls into the trap of tallying, like if you do this, I do this and we're keeping score.

Yeah. Like you've done this much. I've done this much. I've done more than you.

You've done more than me. But I think if we if we adopt the mindset of we do different things and we do different things, then it then it changes to it's less of a competition and more of a collaboration. And you start to find in this because like the the the when you see their discipline, their children, where moms are doing it 36 percent of the time. That's not true in our house. You know, I'll tell you, we'll discipline the kids.

Don't get me wrong. But there's there's sort of that time where it's like, all right, we're kind of past this point. Dad is stepping in managing their schedules. Yeah, that's that's 100 percent accurate. And I believe that 78 percent. So so there what does that mean? It means that the moms feel I don't know if this is accurate, like in the sense that this is what's happening or just what we feel like what's happening. Can you go up a little bit and see what the mothers and fathers have different views? So this is perception. Yeah, this is a perception. Moms always feel like they manage the the schedule and activities more.

I believe that providing comfort or emotional support. It looks like almost all of the moms think they do more. And the fathers do, too. I mean, here the fathers are equal.

So the the pink over here is both equally. But the fathers here think there are more that think the mom do it than they think they do it. Yeah. Well, I guess what we need to understand is that just looking at this research on gender and parenting, that mothers are far more proactive in parenting than fathers are.

Right. But could it be that it's a different role that fathers are playing? Yeah, I think I think what this is saying is that that mothers believe they are more proactive. This is their perception.

I don't I don't think the data could be wrong. I could be misreading this chart, but I think this is like this is not saying, hey, look, these numbers say moms do more. I think it's saying that the moms believe they do more.

That's what they're saying. Right. About parenting. And it could be that you're doing more tasks. Right. But but one and one thing that you've taught me is this isn't even just about parenting.

This is a leader. Doing more tasks does not mean you're making more impact. Right.

I've been super busy at this church and got nothing done. Yeah. Because I didn't apply myself well and make the impact I should. But the one thing we need to all agree on, you know, starting with your funny story about you and Gavin, and then reading these statistics from last year from the Pew Research Center, is that both moms and dads are a must in a child's life. Yes, 100 percent. You know, they both have a role. And fathers, I hope you realize that. And maybe you messed up before.

Maybe you were too busy. I truly believe in my heart that many dads are not like, I'm just busy. I care about my work and I don't give a rip about my children. I don't think dads are like that. I know there's some dads who are like that. I know there are some men out there who are who really need to get saved.

Yeah. And if they need to get if they're already saved, maybe they came from a poor, poorly discipled background, and they need to get into a group or get some mentor to help them be a better father, better dad, whatever. But most of the time, the way dads think is I'm doing all this for them. I'm working hard so that you can have a home, so that you can have food on the table, so you can have the basic amenities of life or be able to play sports or buy nice shoes or, you know, the thing that other kids have. But the things that I didn't have growing up, I want to provide for them. I mean, I truly believe most dads do work hard or stay away because of that reason.

Hundred percent. I know for me personally, and I want to bring this back, but my dad was more, hey, I dropped out of school. I'm stuck in manual labor for the rest of my life. Do what I want. I don't want that for you.

So do what I say, even though I didn't do it, do what I say so you don't end up like this. With you, I saw a lot of with your kids, it was like, I'm going to excel in academics and I'm going to devote myself a hundred percent because that's the type of man I want you to be. And I want that for my kids.

I want you to set your mind to something and capture the whole world if you want to. And I saw you and Nicole both devote yourselves to this church and that has shaped my parenting in ways that my own parents didn't. My parents shaped my parenting in other ways. But seeing you and Nicole and even you and Elizabeth devote yourselves to this church so that your kids always had a solid foundation in life to go off and build on, that has shaped me.

I agree. I think one thing that I have learned from you, Dr. Shaw, and somewhat from my dad as well, is especially thinking about church work. My dad was never on staff in a church, but he stepped into a leadership role when we didn't have a youth leader.

So he and a couple other parents, Elizabeth's mom, stepped into that role and created that youth program for us. It takes on another context for us here in this room, sitting around this table, because we are not just working hard so that our kids can have a good life. We are creating a culture that they can thrive in spiritually. My kids are being blessed here spiritually by coming and listening to your preaching and worshiping with the praise team and serving on the AV team. And that's not something I'm directly coordinating, but because of our work together and because of the culture that we are establishing, our kids can grow up in a thriving spiritual environment.

Absolutely. Anything, David, you want to chime in on that? Yeah, I mean, I can definitely see the influence that my parents had.

Even though they both made their share of mistakes and even though they separated when I was at a young age, they still somehow worked together and came together. My dad wouldn't not let me go to church. There were many times where I was like, hey, I don't want to go.

And he was like, I don't care. You're going to church. Yeah, that's good. And then with my mom, the same thing, she would pray with me nightly, do devotions. I didn't realize it, but we did the Jesus wants all of me devotion, which is an adaptation of my most for his highest. So all that stuff growing up.

So no one can say, oh, you know, this happened to me or my mom and dad split or whatever. No, there's still ways you can do the best you can. And look, you're doing so well. If you guys enjoyed today's episode, write in and let us know, 252-582-5028, or you can visit us online at ClearViewTodayShow.com. Make sure you guys tune in tomorrow. Same time, same station.

Got another great topic coming at you. And thanks again to Le Blue Ultra Pure Water for sponsoring today's episode. Don't forget, you can support us by subscribing to that show on iTunes.

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Whisper: medium.en / 2025-01-08 08:21:58 / 2025-01-08 08:35:44 / 14

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