Wednesday, February 21st | Committing to Your Spouse

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A healthier, happier you is just a click away. Hey guys, Jon here from the Clearview Today show. Before we start today, I just wanted to let you know that this episode was originally recorded for February the 13th, the day before Valentine's Day. But in light of the comments made by Alistair Begg, we recorded a special show. A lot of you guys already listened to it.

Thank you for your support. We want to go ahead and jump into the show. We got a great show for you today. But just know that it was originally recorded for the 13th and not for today. That said, enjoy the show.

That's right. You guys can help us keep the conversation moving forward by supporting the show. You can share it online with your friends and your family. You can leave us a good five-star review on iTunes or Spotify anywhere you get your podcasting content from.

We're going to leave a couple of links in the description so you can do just that. The verse of the day today comes from Colossians 2, verses 6 and 7. As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.

We want to be established in our faith. What exactly does that mean? Does that mean we never make mistakes or we just establish ourselves, we root ourselves, as it says, and that we never have to change?

Of course that's not what it's saying. It's saying that you are so secure in your salvation. You are so secure in the blessed assurance that Christ has given you that now you have the freedom to grow. You know what I mean?

You have the freedom to bloom where you're planted, as Dr. Shaw would say. Yeah, and it's a daily thing. Notice there it says in the middle of the verse, so walk in Him. It's not just one step.

It's not a one-time thing. You are daily walking in Him. And sometimes we're going to take steps off that path. Sometimes we're going to take steps backward. Sometimes we're going to just be at a standstill. But the goal is that we would continually be growing, continually be moving forward in our walk with God.

That's right. Everything is changing around us, man. Everything is changing around us. The world that we grew up in in the 90s, I grew up in in 92, it's not the same world no more. Lots and lots of things changing.

I'll tell you one thing that remains the same. It's Tuesday. And you know on Tuesday what we do. I know what it is. You know what we do on Tuesday.

I know what time it is. It's time for the gripe vine. Welcome to the gripe vine, everybody. Doink, doink. Before we gripe, I do want to say look at these clean, clear View Today mugs.

Look at them. Isn't that nice? Pete that mug. Yeah, we had these in a couple of the video podcasts. I don't know if you can see it from the camera, but the inside is blue. Yeah, check it out. Blue.

The inside is blue. I'd tilt it towards you, but then I would spill my tea. Check this out. You want to see how good it makes the coffee sound? I'm going to show you.

Oh, that was lots of slurping noises in someone's headphones. Sorry about that. So there's some people probably writing into the show asking, where can I get one of these clean, clear View Today mugs? Well, Buddy Boy, they're not on sale yet. But maybe they will be soon.

They will be soon. This one's just for me. Yeah. Okay, time for the gripe vine. That was not the gripe.

That wasn't the gripe. No, I'm pretty chuffed and cheesed about the mugs. I got bad eyes. I wear glasses. Ryan wears glasses.

I do. We can't see good. Our eyes don't work. My eyes especially, like I have not problems, but it's harder at night too.

The Lord has created us in His image, right? But because of the fall. But because of the fall, my eyes have fallen. I can't see. My eyes are sinful.

So the eye doctor actually told me that by the time I'm like 40, maybe in my mid-40s, I probably will not be able to drive at night. Really? That's kind of extreme, right? Wow.

I might be right there with you. You know who's not making it any easier? People with big, bright, blue headlights. Oh my goodness. Why do y'all do that? I can't stand it. Why do y'all do that?

I hate it. So first and foremost, if your headlights are too bright, like if you're driving big trucks, go ahead and just know that even your low beams are kind of a much. Don't put the high beams on and blind it right in my face while I drive. You're one of the people who has bright headlights, and give us a defense.

Give us a reason why. If we can hear a reason why, maybe we'll relent from the drive by tonight. Yeah, that's another thing. Like with big, souped-up trucks, it's like, why? What does it serve you?

Yeah. It doesn't look good. It's loud. Everybody hates it.

Maybe that's its own gripe, but it just serves no purpose. Defend your headlights to us. We'll give you the opportunity to do that. Write in and let us know, 252-582-5028, or you can visit us online at ClearViewTodayShow.com. Stay tuned.

We'll be right back. Hello, Clear View family. I'm Nicole.

And I'm David. And we want to talk to you today about the Clear View app. You know, there are so many churches out there that put their sermons on YouTube, and their announcements on Facebook, and their prayer lists on Periscope.

I didn't even know Periscope was still functional. Oh, it's not. And that's why nobody can find their church's prayer list, and nobody's prayers be getting answered. But here at Clear View, we believe in making our content as accessible as possible. That's right. Clear View produces so much content every single week, including Dr. Shaw's sermons, original music, a full online store, weekly prayer gatherings, and so much more.

Not to mention the number one best-selling Christian talk show of all time. I don't know if that's accurate. Well, maybe not yet, but that's why we want people to download the app. If you're listening from the Triangle area, we encourage you to check out Clear View Church in person. But if not, you can still follow all of our content on the Clear View app.

It's 100% free on the Apple Store and Google Play Store. And, best of all, all of our content is right there in one convenient spot. Make sure you download the Clear View app today, and let's get back to the show. Welcome back to Clear View Today with Dr. Abbadan Shaw, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. You can visit us online at ClearViewTodayShow.com, or if you have any questions or suggestions for new topics, send us a text at 252-582-5028.

That's right. We're here today in the Clear View Today studio with Dr. Abbadan Shaw, who is a PhD in New Testament textual criticism. All these bright lights in the studio, man. This has got me thinking about what we're talking about here today. Dr. Shaw, you've been driving at night. Yes. And someone just flashes them big, bright 18-wheeler headlights right in your face.

Nice. I can't stand it. And you just do that little mini panic, like, ah, oh, I've seen the light. Well, what I get a lot, because I have a Nissan Titan truck, is people will flash the lights at me to get them to lower it. I'm like, it's already lowered. It's on the low beams already, but it's on high. You're just too low to the ground. That's the problem. What can I do for that, buddy?

So sometimes I'll flash them back, and then they keep it down as they drive back. Sorry. We didn't mean it. Sorry. Well.

Yeah, I got nothing to say. Let's talk about love. Impossible to segue from headlights into love. But we are talking about love today because we're getting close to Valentine's Day.

That's right. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Did you get your wife anything? I did.

Did you get your wife something, Dr. Shaw? I will. I haven't got nothing yet. I haven't got nothing yet.

I did. Well, you know, Valentine's Day is something that people, you know, sometimes people roll their eyes at it. They're like, it's just a commercialized holiday and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Another reason for you to spend money. Right, exactly. Broke people say that a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or single people. But, you know, Valentine's Day is an opportunity for us to celebrate love. And love is one of those good gifts that God gives us.

Absolutely. You know, sometimes people think that all God cares about is our salvation. Once he saves us, he doesn't care. And he just wants you to go out there and live the best of your life. And then one day go to heaven. You know, hey, you're not going to hell.

What more do you want? But I don't think that's how it is. God cares about things. He cares about the rest of life. Like relationships.

He cares about, even since we're talking about Valentine's Day, he cares about who you find as your significant other, your spouse, for the rest of your life. Yeah, it's funny because I've always heard people say, you know, who you marry, as long as they are a Christian, it's all good. And all God cares about is that they're a believer. But think about how little thought that takes.

Right. You know, like God's really going to be like, you know what, as long as they're a Christian, doesn't matter if you're compatible, doesn't matter if you get along, doesn't matter if you see the world eye to eye, just make sure they're a Christian. It's like I don't see God taking that cavalier of an attitude of how we actually live our lives. God doesn't act that way about anything else. He's a God of order and he's outside of time.

He plans, he's sovereign over everything. So for him to just be like, just pick a Christian, that doesn't translate. But I've heard that though. I've heard people even tell me that when I was young, when I was looking for a girl, they were like, all that other stuff doesn't matter. All that matters is that she's a Christian. I'm like, I mean, I agree that's important, but shouldn't I like her?

Yeah. Should we get along? Should we have fun?

Should we not have a fulfilling life? If you want. If you want, but God doesn't care about any of that stuff. It'll all come to you. It'll all happen.

And that's not true. Right, right. Well, I wanted to talk about it a little bit today as we're going towards Valentine's Day, because I think it's something that people still in 2024 struggle with. I mean, I guess you're always going to struggle with relationships.

There's never going to be a solution to that. Well, the passage that comes to my mind is that about God caring about our relationship is Romans 832, where Paul says, He who did not spare his own son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Think about that. Freely give us all things, and in the all things, I believe there's also the relationship we want for life. And so, yes, God cares about relationships, and he wants the best for us.

He does. I think what helps me is knowing that God really wants to draw us closer to himself, and he doesn't want just me. He wants every part of me, my spouse, my kids, my family, being drawn closer into him and letting my marriage get to be part of that. You know what I mean? Rather than be like, all right, I want you to draw close to me, your marriage, all that stuff, it's yours to manage.

And that's up to you to kind of manage that, but don't forget me. I think it has helped me to say that my marriage and my family, all that is drawn in at the same time. It's all drawn in together. That's right. That's right. Well, let's go back and look at it because the first relationship happened because God saw something that was missing in the man's life. That's true. In Genesis 2.18, the Lord said, it is not good that man should be alone.

I will make him a helper comparable to him. It is not good. Now, seven times God said it is good. Right. It is good.

And then it is this one time God said it is not good. Yeah. Is that the first time that he said that it's not good? Oh, yeah. Wow. First time.

Very first time. Seeing Adam, he has the garden, he has the world, he has animals. And yet there's something missing in his life. And something was companionship on an equal level.

The animals didn't do it. Yeah. I mean, you can chase that monkey around for only five, so long.

You can swim with the dolphins, but so long. It's eventually, it's just not cutting it. It's not cutting it. My man needs something else. Something else. This dude is lonely.

He needs somebody who's like him. And I also like that it wasn't like, Adam, go find it. Yeah.

Go find it and report back to me and I'll give you the seal of approval. Right. Isn't it funny? We kind of treat dating like that, like especially Christian dating. We're like, I'm going to go find someone, I'm going to pray about it, bring it to God and be like, God is this. Yeah.

See if I get the stamp. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not quite like that. In fact, God, as you know, put him in a deep sleep, the Bible tells us in verse 21. And he took one of his sides, not really ribs, but something from his cellar, from his side.

And from that he made for him, made into a woman and he brought her to the man. And so God created the solution for Adam's loneliness. I think that's a part of life that we don't really talk about a lot.

Yeah. You know, we talk about people being lonely. Especially, I don't know, I don't know if it's like a Christian thing or just a man thing, but I feel like there's just people out there who are lonely and we just don't talk about it because they're lonely. They're not going to get out there and talk about how lonely they are.

They're just going to dwell in loneliness. I don't know if I'm making sense. Yeah.

Well, it seems like with men, it's sort of this, you need to be responsible for yourself. Right. You are on your own, you don't rely on anybody, you are the one, you're it. And then if you add a Christian element to it, there's almost this push where it's like, you don't need other people, it's your relationship with God. Right, right.

So that's sort of like a two-handed punch in the wrong direction. Right. When God didn't create us to be alone, God didn't create us. I mean, in fact, here, the first time God says it's not good is because the man is alone.

God created us for companionship. It's almost like we think that, as men specifically, that our marriage is something additional we have to juggle, you know? Yeah. You know what I mean?

I'm trying to make that fit into my personal life. Yeah. When actually it's a gift. Right. Yeah. Right. Marriage is a gift.

Not something to, like you said, I got to take care of this problem now. Right. Yeah.

But it's funny, we do tend to treat marriage like that sometimes. Yeah. And I think it just comes from this getting away from what God originally intended it to be. Yeah. And Adam's response should be our response. Hmm. And Adam's response when he saw Eve was, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, which means she has the same musculoskeletal structure. She is not like some animal.

Right. She is like me. Mm-hmm. And she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.

In a sense, she's like me, but she's also different from me. Mm-hmm. That's a big source of contention these days. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

He didn't need another Adam. Right. Yeah.

Somebody to go rock climbing with, hang out with, throw darts at. Yeah. No, that's not what he needed.

He needed somebody who was like him and yet different from him in some very important ways. Yeah. Some very obvious ways, too. And those differences God made for a reason. Right. And here in 2024, we are doing everything we can to negate those differences. Yeah.

We're doing- To neutralize those differences. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

It's not even equal. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Like when you start really looking at it, it all kind of falls apart. It's not even equality, it's sameness. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just erase all distinction, no uniqueness, it's just sameness. Yeah. Yeah.

Where I don't know what world we're becoming into, but other than being sinful and ungodly, it's also a bland, weird, dark world. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't bring any joy other than perversion. Yeah.

That's all it's bringing. Yeah. And if perversion is bringing you some kind of joy, then something is broken.

Yeah. We're wrapping up perversion in false value. Not false value, false virtue. False virtue. Yeah.

And we're passing it off as though it's virtuous and it's kind-hearted and it's inclusive, when really it's just perversion that's made up to look really nice. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah. Because in our life and his loneliness, God also cares about us. That's true. And again, I want to clarify, there may be people listening today who are called or feel called by God to singleness. This is not for a single moment, no pun intended, meant to say, hey, if you are single, then something's wrong with you.

No, of course not. If God's called you to do that, then I promise you, you'll be unhappy if you get into a relationship. That's true. So stay as you are. Do what God's called you to do and be happy. But if God has not given you that calling, then pray that God will bring somebody good in your life. I feel like we, I feel like, I don't know why this is, but Christians neglect to pray for the right partner or the right person. Like I can't remember, like God still blessed me with a great wife, but I don't remember ever being, I'm sure I did at some point, but I don't remember ever being like, God, send me the right woman.

You know what I mean? Like even in that neglectfulness, he was still gracious to me, but I just feel like we don't do that. I prayed for a good wife. Nicole prayed for a good husband. Her parents prayed for a good husband. My parents prayed for a good wife. I mean, so we, as parents, have prayed for all four of our kids that God will bring the right man or right woman in their lives. And we believe so far it's happened and we thank God for that.

Yeah. Well, you can see the success of those prayers and how huge of a role prayer actually plays in finding that person. That's also a biblical concept, by the way. I wonder why people feel guilty almost to pray for a spouse or even take prayer into a dating relationship. It feels like there's a reluctance to, I don't want to pray for a dating relationship that feels like it's- There are some bigger things out there like saving the world and lost souls. It's almost like I shouldn't be enjoying things. I shouldn't be praying that God would give me something that's just for me.

No. And because I think it's because of our failure to see God as a heavenly father, maybe it's because our dads were not as good or maybe you grew up in a bad home situation that you cannot see your father that way that you can just walk up and talk to him and ask him for anything. So coming to God, our heavenly father, with personal relationship needs, it's like, really? Boy, you should be glad you got all this. You should be glad I got a house over your head, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back. Oh, you want a girlfriend?

I guess you didn't appreciate being created. Why don't you go in there and girlfriend them dishes? You can always tell if you're raised in the South because your parents will turn anything into a verb. Like, oh man, I'm hungry.

You need to go hungry with them dishes. So you said something that kind of struck me and I want to see if this is something that you feel because you said you prayed for each of your kids. And I feel like looking at it, zooming out, parents, especially Christian parents, almost have a hands-off approach to their kids, their kids' dating lives, I guess. Well, sometimes it comes out of a place of frustration because you hear the bad stories like the parents were too involved in their kids' relationship lives.

And so the kids were all just frustrated and they just had it, it was just too much. And so then another group of parents will say, I just don't want to make the same mistakes that they made. And so I'm not going to get involved in my kids' lives. I'm just going to be there, supportive and helpful, but I'm not here to... So I don't know what to say.

I'd rather try to help them, guide them, pray for them. If I see some glaring problems and really speak out instead of after the fact, well, honey, I didn't want to tell you that, but I knew this was going to happen. No, tell them and say, hey, there's something wrong here or this young man is not the right one for you.

He will send the right boy in your life or a girl in your life, depends on you talking to your boy or your girl. Some parents just take their hands off and feel like I don't want to step into that area because that... But isn't that the most important?

That's what salvation... I was going to say, it makes me think of all the times we've sat and talked about development and in our series through the different generations. If you're looking at the teenage brain, the teenage brain develops in such a way where their capacity for emotion outpaces their capacity for logic and reasoning. So through the teenage years, they still need parents to come along and guide them and help them think because sometimes they think with their emotions and not their brain. It's funny because a lot of those same parents will have no problem taking a hands-on approach in what sports they play or what colleges they apply to. They'll be like, hey, I will decide what sports you play.

I'll decide what college you... But who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, hey. Something so critical. You've got to pick that one, man.

Who you're going to be married to forever. Like no, I'm sorry, I'm going to be involved in that decision for you. I'm going to help guide that. It's an unpopular job. It's an unpopular job. You will not be loved for it.

You may be resented, resentment maybe for years and years. It's not an unpopular... It's not a popular job. It was funny because we look at people in the Bible who did arrange marriages for their kids and we say, well, that was barbaric.

We don't do that anymore. Well, I'm not for arranged marriages. I mean, I've come from that part of the world where they do have arranged marriages and they have their benefits. But if Christ is not in that picture, then I am not for them.

So I hope that makes sense. If Christ is in that picture, then yes, you can say, hey, that's a godly Christian family. Let's see if you can talk to them and see if you can marry their son or their son can marry your daughter, that kind of thing. But if not, then it's based mostly on money and status and power. So that actually led me into a question because I know you grew up in a part... Do they still do arranged marriages?

Oh, yes. Do the people get married? Not as popular as it used to be, not as mainline as it used to be when I was growing up.

In the past 30 some years, things have changed, but they still have it, tons, tons, tons. Is it the parents are deciding and the kids go along with it or do the kids have a say in it at all? Kids do have a say, but how much depends on how educated the parents are, how much depends on how... What's the word I'm looking for? The parents need to be a little bit more advanced, that old-fashioned. So there would be situations where it's like the bride is like, hey, I really don't want this, but mom and dad want it, so it's happening.

That's common. Oh, you will marry this boy. Wow. It's good for the family. He's good for this and good for that. Wow.

In time, they end up loving them or whatever, whatever. I get it. But poof. Yeah.

That's not a great launching off point. Yeah. Then there are bad situations that happen. It's a mix of a very miserable marriage, it's horrible, lots and lots, countless are enduring their marriage. Now, I'm not saying there are a lot of arranged marriages that are same situation. No, there are some who are wonderfully in love, but then there are many unspoken ones that are miserable. Well, I think that kind of leads into something that you and Nicole have both said, even on this show, is that love is a commitment.

You have to commit to that person that you're with. That's right. Abraham arranged that marriage for his son, Isaac, with Rebecca, but then he had to make a commitment to her, and that commitment was for life, and of course, they made it. Yeah. I even think about, who is it, Jacob and Rachel. Rachel. Yeah. Well, poor guy. He tried. He was duped into marrying Rachel's older sister.

What was it? Leah? Leah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Which had to work for seven years and then gets the wrong sister and has to work for seven more years. He gets the right one.

That's a tough break. 14 years later. He's like, bro, I see like a trick sitcom, he comes out, he's like, bro, you tricked me.

And he's like... Uncle Laban. Well, that's what we do around here. Did you know that?

The custom? You didn't know? I didn't tell you.

This would be so wrong if we gave you the younger daughter before the older one. Don't you understand? Yeah. I thought you knew.

I didn't know what was going on. I thought you knew that. Why would you tell me that? Why would you tell me that?

Tell me that first. But he still made that commitment. You know what I mean?

That's what's incredible about that story is that Jacob is like, you know what? This shouldn't have happened, but I'm going to commit myself to working. And in our culture today, we can't overstress the importance of commitment because marriages have become disposable. Right.

That's right. It's just kind of like, oh, this one didn't work out. Well, you know, well, let's get a divorce and try again. I told somebody this morning that when it comes to technology, when it comes to so many opportunities, the West is so far superior to the East. But the one place that we are severely handicapped in the West is our home life, our marriages.

Yeah. Because it's broken. They're broken. Many of them are.

I'm not saying every one of them, but many of them are. It puts our young people, it puts our future at such a disadvantage. I'm not saying that if you went through a broken home or divorced home, I'm not here to offend you. I'm just trying to tell you, using the names that people use now, broken home, divorced home, whatever you like, that you're not going to make it, or you are handicapped. No, not at all. What I am saying is it doesn't help.

It does not help. You can make it. You can do great things. Sometimes you'll do better things than even those who grew up in an intact home. I know that.

But overall, overall, it's not good. Yeah. So commitment. Make commitment for life.

Do what you can to make it work. I think you instilled that in me and Ellie when we were dating here and we did our premarital counseling. I remember you made the comment that it was like, you know, when Nicole and I got engaged, we decided early on that divorce wasn't an option.

It's not on the table. So there's no way out of this marriage. And that helped us greatly. And I can say almost me and Ellie have been married like eight, going on nine years now. That's helped us. That's been that long, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I remember that.

I think with you, it wasn't an offhand comment, but it was just talking. But it stayed with me all these years that no matter what happens, divorce isn't an option. Even if the worst should come. And that's helped me. Yeah. Make a commitment for life.

That's right. So those are some suggestions today. Work on your marriage. Use Ephesians 5, 25 as your model. As you know, Paul said, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. So we as husbands should take the lead in showing love. No matter what's happening on the other side, you do what's right.

That's right. So important for us. Such a great setup for Valentine's Day tomorrow, too. So make sure you go out and take care of your spouse on Valentine's Day, whatever that looks like for you.

Whether it's flowers, whether it's chocolates, whether it's just a simple card telling them that you love them. Just get it at the gas station. You can get it at the gas station. Did you sell cards at the gas station?

No. Maybe don't get it at the gas station. Gas stations now are kind of like a luxury little resort. That's true. Yeah. The gas station has really come a long way.

Brennan, let us know how today's episode helped you think about love, about your relationships, and about ultimately our relationship with Christ. I'm joking, by the way. Don't get your wife something at the gas station. I'm joking. Don't.

I mean, that shouldn't have to be said, but don't shop at the gas station for a Valentine's present. 252-582-5028 or visit us online at Clearveetodayshow.com. Don't forget to partner with us financially on that same website.

Be a part of what God is doing through the Clearveetodayshow right here. Well, I also want to encourage you to visit MightyMuscadine.com. They're the sponsors of today's episode.

Check out their line of products. Use the promo code TODAY when you check out. That's T-O-D-A-Y. It's going to get you a discount, and a portion of those proceeds are going to come right back here to the Clearveetodayshow. John, what's coming up tomorrow? Very, very special episode for Valentine's Day. You ever heard of the newlywed game?

Once or twice. Well, guess what? We're going to be playing it. We're going to have three special guests. One of them is Dr. Shao's wife. One of them is Ryan's wife.

Yep. Three guests. None of us are newlyweds. None of us are newlyweds, but we're going to be playing the newlywed game. I think this is something we're going to try to do every year on Valentine's Day. I took home the trophy last year, but we'll see who takes it home this year. We'll see.

I don't know. Join us tomorrow. We love you guys. We'll see you all today. We'll see you next time.