How to Talk to Family During the Holidays

Welcome, everyone. Today is Monday, December the 12th. I'm Ryan Hill.

I'm John Galantis. And you're listening to Clearview Today with Dr. Abbadon Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. You can find us online at ClearviewTodayShow.com. If you have a question for Dr. Shah or a suggestion for a future episode, things you'd like to hear us talk about, you can send us a text at 252-582-5028. You can also email us at contact at ClearviewTodayShow.com.

That's right. And you guys can help us keep the conversation in the airwaves by supporting this podcast, sharing it online, leaving us a good review on iTunes, and just keeping the discussion alive. It really is helpful, those reviews, those ratings. You might not think it makes that much of a difference, just one rating or review, but I promise you it really does make a difference.

So if you haven't done so yet, make sure you leave us a rating interview. Hit them with the verse of the day. You always say hit them with the verse of the day. Can I just gently deliver them the verse of the day? Absolutely.

Knock them unconscious. Respectfully present the verse of the day. Go for it. All right. Today's verse of the day comes from Psalm 37, verse five. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass. One of the easiest things in theory to do, and yet the hardest things in practice is just trust the Lord. We struggle so much with that. Just trust him. Just trust him and let it come to pass.

Why is that so difficult? And we're not asking, I mean, it's not asking you to place your faith or your trust in someone who you're just meeting for the first time. You're placing your faith and your trust in someone who literally has centuries, millennia worth of trustworthiness.

Someone who spoke in the universe, like obeyed, obeyed itself into existence. That's the person that I don't know if I can quite trust. Or I almost just forget to trust him. We just have a hard time with that. But hey, that's the encouragement today.

Trust in God and he will bring it to pass. Amen. All right, Ryan, I'll give you a million dollars. I got another one for you. It's Christmas. I like how this is going.

I can buy lots of Christmas presents for my kids. Every time you meet somebody new, you have to hug them for 60 full seconds and you have to meemaw hum the whole time. Oh no. What is meemaw hum? Meemaw hum is like when you're humming and it's just super religious. Like it's like, okay, so you're hugging them and you're like, Jesus.

Oh Jesus. Sixty seconds. Sixty seconds is a long time. I am the hugger anyway. I have no problems with giving people hugs. I think I love that little side hug or, you know, I have no problem with that.

Sixty seconds is a long time for a hug and you add the meemaw hug in there. You're like humming in this person's ear. Yeah. You're humming in their ear. You're like, you know how they would shuffle their feet when they walk.

When meemaw used to walk across, they would come out from church. That being said, a hundred percent yes. Yeah. I would take it. You would do it. Absolutely. I don't know if I could do it, man.

I would do it. A million dollars and I will meemaw hum during the 60 second hug. Meemaw used to hum hymns coming out of church and like meemaw couldn't hear good at all. She could not hear. So if you would be talking to someone else and she felt like she was out of the conversation, she would just start humming hymns real loud. You and I would be talking right now and she'd be like, Thank you, Jesus. And then she's just over there singing and we, and you were trying to have a conversation. Meemaw, I'm talking, hold on baby.

Meemaw's humming. Hug the new person. And this is someone you're meeting for the first time. Yeah. I would take it. A hundred percent. I don't know that I would take the money.

I would take it. All right. Well, today's topic is setting the stage for our holiday season. You know, the holidays coming up, families coming into town. There's bound to be some awkward conversations.

How do we navigate conversations like that? We're going to bring Dr. Shaw into the studio in just a minute, but if you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, send us a text at 252-582-5028 or visit us online at clearviewtodayshow.com. We're going to grab Dr. Shaw and we'll be right back. Hey there listeners.

My name is John and I'm David. And we just want to take a second and talk to you about Dr. Shaw and Nicole's new book, 30 Days to a New Beginning, Daily Devotionals to Help You Move Forward. No matter who you are or where you are in life, you're going to get stuck.

You're going to have goals that you just can't seem to reach. And you're going to be looking for some new way to start over. Unfortunately, life does not have a restart button, but here's the good news. God's mercy is new every day, right? And so that means every day is a new chance for you to start over. Now, Dr. Shaw and his wife, Nicole, have written a new 30 day devotional in their 30 day series designed to give you practical tools for starting over.

No matter where you are in life's journey or what pitfalls you've encountered, this devotional is going to help you move forward, refocus your mind on God's truth and meditate on his word. And you guys can pick up a copy right this second on amazon.com. Unless you're driving.

Yeah, don't shop and drive unless you're driving, in which case wait till you get home. But we're going to leave a link for you right here in the description of this podcast. So it'll be waiting for you when you get home. That's 30 Days to a New Beginning, Daily Devotionals to Help You Move Forward. For the remainder of November and all through December, we'll be sending a free copy to anyone who supports the podcast by visiting us online and donating to the show at ClearviewTodayShow.com.

That is a very, very good incentive, gang. That's 30 Days to a New Beginning, Daily Devotions to Help You Move Forward by Abaddon and Nicole Shaw. Thank you guys so much for listening. David, you want to jump back into the show? Let's go. All right.

All right. Welcome back to Clear View Today with Dr. Abaddon Shaw, the daily show that engages mind and heart from the gospel of Jesus Christ. You can find us online at ClearviewTodayShow.com. Or if you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, you can send us a text at 252-582-5028.

You can always email us as well at contact at ClearviewTodayShow.com. Dr. Shaw, how are you doing today? I'm doing very well. Hope you guys are doing well.

Absolutely. Very well, especially all you guys out there in listener land. If you're new, you've never listened to the show before, Dr. Abaddon Shaw has a PhD in New Testament textual criticism. He's a professor at Carolina University, author, full-time pastor, and the host of today's show. You guys can follow him online at his website, AbaddonShaw.com.

That's right. Just like on yesterday's episode, today's episode was recommended by a listener of the show as well. Sarah, right here in North Carolina, has asked, especially with, you know, we're in the midst of holiday season, you know, we just came out of Thanksgiving and we're headed toward Christmas. That tends to bring a lot of family and close friends around. How do you engage your family and friends around the holidays, specifically in conversations related to like faith and religion and what you believe? What are some practical ways you can engage with your family in conversation?

Absolutely. And it's one of the most asked about topic there is because I don't know why it is. I feel like I know why this is the case, but what I'm about to say is that we are drifting further and further away from that family unit. And I believe it's because we're drifting further and further away from Christianity. And so, you know, when you don't have Christ in your life, when you don't have the Bible as the foundation, and I mean by foundation is not only Christ in your life, but also the truth of the word of God.

You know, the truth about forgiveness, the truth about wisdom, the truth about grace, the truth about courage. And, you know, if these things are not coming into our lives through the word of God, through prayer, through the Holy Spirit, then no wonder family is a burden. And we are becoming more and more fragmented when it comes to family. I think it's especially true when you look at like just the family as a unit. You know, it's very tempting now to hear these things like, you know, Christianity is very individualized.

That might be your faith, but it's not everybody else's. But it wasn't that long ago where, you know, we would say things like that's a strong Christian family. That entire family is on the same wavelength and they're connected and united in their faith. You may have that one or two members that have drifted away from the family or drifted away from Christ, but all in all, we knew that the family was a strong centerpiece when it came to Christianity.

Absolutely. Because, you know, just like Joshua's statement, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. So if you don't have that as a foundational value, because you don't have Christ in your life and you don't have his word in your life, then it's no longer that. It's no longer as for me and my house, it's just as for me. And then if it is family, what I've seen is another extreme, which is it's all about the family.

Nothing with God in it, nothing of truth, nothing about a legacy that will impact people with a gospel even when we're gone. None of that is important. All that matters is we hang together. We're there for each other.

We are a family to be reckoned with. To me, that is also unhealthy and unbiblical. I agree.

It seems very short-sighted. I mean, you have your family. Okay, great. But what is the purpose? What is the goal? One of the things that has really inspired Elizabeth and I is something that you and Nicole shared in one of your messages, Dr. Shaw. You were up on stage speaking together about marriage.

It was in one of the series we did on marriage where Nicole was with you on stage. And you talked about what is the mission statement for your family? What is the goal? What is the mission, the vision that you have for your family?

And that's something that I considered before that. I was just like, yeah, we're gonna have a family. We're gonna raise kids. They're gonna be in church. We're gonna communicate biblical values to them. But what is the mission for your family? That changed the way that Elizabeth and I thought about parenting. And so from that moment on, we've operated with a mission statement with a vision for our kids in mind.

Yeah. Our kids are not our kids. Ultimately, they belong to God. And our goal is to raise them in a way that they will first and foremost, come to know Jesus Christ as soon as possible.

And then to live for Him. Does that mean that they will never make mistakes or stray from their faith or, you know, question their values? Of course not. They will do those things. But if we have trusted God and raised them in the right way, they will come back. And even for parents who did not do that, who did not have that understanding until sort of late or later, it's okay.

Pray. And from this point on, set that kind of an example or model or send the right message to your children, to your grandchildren, so they can come to Christ. So they can do things differently.

Absolutely. I think it's one of those things where we just find sin and sin creeps into every aspect of our personal lives, but also our family. And we start to see that kind of come to fruition when people move away, they find themselves exposed to the world and then they come back around the holidays, like Sarah was saying. And it's just awkward. There's an awkwardness because there's this feeling like, I really don't even know who this person is anymore.

Not to say that that specifically is a sin, but when sin creeps in, when sin comes in and you're isolated, you're cut off from Christians, other Christians, it can be very difficult to where it's almost unrecognizable who that person is anymore. So how do I talk to them? First and foremost, you have to care. You know, one of the problems, and I know I'm painting with a broad brush. One of the problems in Europe is, you know, people don't want children.

Again, I'm not saying every European feels that way, but that's becoming more and more the norm. Why is that the case? Why is it that we don't need children? We don't have to. It's because it's work. Not only work as you're raising them, but also work in building relationships with them in the years following. So overall, it is tough.

So what's the response? We don't need them. Life is simpler. We don't have to do all the diaper changing and we don't have to do all the potty training and deal with all their misbehaviors and bad grades and bad behaviors in school and church and everywhere.

And when we're outside or inside, let's just not do it. And then if those years do go by and it seems like, okay, wow, wonderful, great. Then come the harder part.

Now, how do you switch gears? How do you shift gears and become more on a not necessarily parent-child relationship, but now you are almost like adult to adult relationship. That takes so much to do and so many transitions and, you know, hurt feelings and all that. Better off not having relationships. Yeah. Yeah. And that mindset is now entering into our American culture too, that, hey, you don't just don't worry about it. So have great friends and change friends as much as you change your socks and move along in life. But it's such an individualistic viewpoint. It's such a, it's such a me focused view. Absolutely.

And if you look at it completely from the world's perspective, it makes all the sense. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah. If God, I mean, I can, I can completely agree with that. If God hadn't said, be fruitful and multiply.

This is my will in your life. That would be the issue. No problem. Yeah. Did you think about that? That was, that's the first command he gave. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's amazing. First one, this gentleman today, when I was working out at the Y he asked me that question. He knows me and he knows what I do, but he didn't know I wrote. So he said, so why do you write? What's your purpose?

What's this? Has it worked for you? And he claims to be a believer. And I don't have doubts that he is, he's a believer or not, but I told him, I said, I, I, I'm doing this and I believe this is because it does work. Christianity does work. Having Christ in your life does work. Obeying the Bible does work.

All these things are not, you know, hoping against hope or my wishful thinking or just my raising. This does work. And how amazing it is. The first commandment in the Bible is the very thing that is right now becoming is not only the topic of our discussion right now, but it is the source of our problems that people are realizing is like, I don't have to do this. I'm happier without this. That's true. Right from the get go.

God said, be fruitful and multiply filled the earth. Yeah. Nah, I'm good. I'm all right.

Isn't is, this is how you know, the Bible is the word of God. Cause when you come down to like, what's going to fix our culture. Oh yeah. He already said that. Why don't you try obeying the command that God gave you maybe, maybe go that route.

Yeah. It's one of those things I think is also really I think can be very misconstrued. Cause I think it's really impossible to have a good Christian family without love in your life. Cause you know, I mean, it's the whole thing that people, but I think people misuse that, you know, the whole love bears all things, believes all things, hopes, all things. The thing is it's God's love that we have to, because my love will, my love will excuse sin. I'll overlook sin.

I will just say, Hey, listen, that's your life. You do what you want to do, but that's not God's love. You know what I mean? That's my miss.

That's my, almost my perversion of God's love. So it's not to make any waves within this family unit. Right. You know, I would say you have to have wisdom, right.

And not just any wisdom, but God's wisdom. And it begins by changing your expectation. Okay.

So we, we like to just say, I don't care. This is it. That's, that's all.

No, no, no. You have to change your expectations, especially if you, if they are your family members who do not believe in God. And so change your expectation. Don't expect them to act like believers. Now don't expect them to, now don't allow them to just do whatever they want to do.

No, no, you're not going to do that here. But at the same time, just know that they're coming from a different mindset. What if it's, they're your children who are not walking with God again, manage your expectations, look at them differently, see what's happening.

Okay. They are upset. They're angry. They are, they're, they're not feeling the same values that you feel. Could it be that they didn't, they didn't grow up in church?

Could it be that you came to Christ later on in life? And now you have a whole different set of values that your kids are saying, we don't understand what this is. Yeah.

What if they are your children who did grow up in church, but temporarily they're not where they need to be. Okay. Change your expectations.

And how do you do that? You do that by lowering your expectations, accepting them, having a good time. And as the Lord allows you that you can share something, why not pray before that meal? It doesn't matter if you're an atheist, agnostic, don't care about Christianity, grew up in church, and now don't like the church, doesn't matter. We're going to pray.

Let's pray guys. At least that that would be the place to begin. Yeah. So you're setting that ground rule, but then after that, you know, show them love.

Can never go wrong by loving people. That's right. Taking interest in what's happening in their lives. Instead of quickly, like, I got to get this gospel out to them. Right. Okay.

Just slow down, ask them. So how are things going? What are you doing now? Well, I just got a job and I'm going here and I'm going back to school and I'm doing my master's. Well, that's pretty good. So, um, like business or technology or medical, what, what field are you going to?

Education? Okay, cool. We, I can see you doing that. That's, that's very good.

I'm, I'm proud of you for attempt, you know, now the barriers are down and they're willing to listen. Yeah. Right. And then maybe, um, share about what's happening in your life. Yeah.

God's been good. We, we, we are doing this and our church is trying this and we're working with people find a way to interject Christianity. That's right. You know, and again, this is depending on where that person is. If they are open and ready and willing, man, go for it. Yeah.

Share the gospel with them. It is. It is true because we often, and I think that's, that's very wise of you because we often see the holidays is like, this is it.

This is my shot. You know, I've got to, this is my one chance because I won't see this person again, because after they leave for the holidays, realistically, we know I'm not going to think about this person again until next year when they come home. But it's, it's kind of like you said, you have to love that person.

Even when they're not around, you have to build that rapport, build that relationship with your family so that when the crises in life do come, it may not be around the holidays. They may be going through a spiritual crisis sometime in the summer when you're not around, but that seed of the gospel that you've planted subtly and with discernment will still be there. Yeah. So, you know, at some point in time, mention the name of Jesus. Right. I always tell people that it's what Jesus has done for me. Jesus specifically too. Yeah. And that person may roll their eyes or they may be like, Oh, here we go again or whatever.

That's fine. But at least you can say that and say, Hey, at least I mentioned the name of Christ. And when they go through some crisis, which may be right past that mailbox that crisis may begin for them, who knows that name of Jesus will keep echoing in their hearts until they find Him. You know, also I would say, keep a heart of forgiveness, especially with your family. You know, I don't know why it is that way, but we hurt the most.

We love the most. So you have to forgive. You may not necessarily, you know, talk to each other every single day. That may not happen, but forgive, just let it go.

You can still be careful with them. You can still be, you know, aware of them because sometimes family can do things that may be like, I don't know if I can trust you anytime soon for what you did or what you took or what you said, but you can still forgive them and love them. I think about like, we get so frustrated with our families because they just don't see eye to eye with us. Like we're, we're pursuing the gospel and it's so important to us and yet they just don't get it. Right. And when that frustration comes, I remember what you, you told me this years ago and you've put in your messages that Jesus is his own family. You don't believe in them, right? He would be preaching.

And I think it was, what was it? Mary and his brothers. Yeah. His brothers.

They came to take him home. Let's go buddy. Let's have a long Jesus.

It's enough. And I just think about that. Like I'm frustrated with my family members, but Jesus himself had to convince his own family, his, the people who were closest to him, even when he did his first miracle, Mary's just like, what's going to happen?

I don't know what's going to happen. He's like, do you not, you still don't get it, but it's still, like you said, he had grace, he had forgiveness towards them. And, you know, Corinthians tells us, Paul tells us when he's describing the resurrection of Christ, the one of the first people that Jesus went to see was who? His own brother, James.

Yeah. His own brother, James. Like, keep in mind, this is the son of God. This is the one who made the entire universe, right?

Every single thing, every single person. He is the pinnacle of creation. He is the one who came, died, buried, rose again, right? Eternal God. Yes, of course, he came to a human home and grew up with these humans, right? Fully God became fully man.

He didn't have to deal with them once he was done. It's like, I am back on my throne. Yeah.

Now people come believe me and live or don't and go to hell. But instead he is like, you know, I got to go visit my half brother. Yeah. Yeah. Would you have done that?

Who opposed me throughout my life? Yeah. I don't know that he would have been on top of my list to go visit. Especially not now that the work was completed. He's still just in Jesus's way. He went that extra mile to bake peace and to give him salvation. Yeah.

And James became the head of the mother church, the church in Jerusalem. I mean, there's some, what's the, what's the word for that? You know, the little favoritism there.

Oh, nepotism. Something you told me years ago, and it has helped me, I think for any of our younger listeners who are listening, who have not yet started their own family, you told me this, I think I must, I might've been 21, but it really has affected. I think it's, it's molded me into the father that I am today is that start early. Like when your kids are like young or before you even have kids make it a priority that they're going to be in church.

You as a family are going to be in church and you and as a family are going to serve in the church. And that I think that has a lot more to do with how our families develop spiritually than anything else. You know, that I think that understanding early on has, has benefited me probably more than I'll ever fully comprehend. But I think for any of our young listeners, that's, that's the best advice family wise that I've ever been given.

I'm very grateful that I took it because I love seeing my wife and son in church and just the love that people show them, the support that people give to them. It's just something that family immediate family is just one of those things that I don't really worry about. And it's because I think of that advice that I took from you. Wow. Well, thank you. Thank you for saying that.

Absolutely. And I love your family. Especially your adult kids, you know, just know that this is, this is all a part of God's plan. Different seasons are put in there for a reason.

Imagine if you were still trying to raise and potty train our adult kids, that would not be fun. So let's, let's be grateful for every season and enjoy those seasons and other family members too, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins and nephews and nieces. Hey, how awesome would it be to get on the other side and to have your whole family in heaven, right? Where there's no longer any sin, no longer any shame, just joy.

That's right. What a beautiful picture and a great discussion for today. If you guys have any questions about today's topic or anything that you took away from today, that was a blessing for you. You can let us know by sending us a text at 252-582-5028. Thank you so much to those of you who are texting in. We read those messages. We love hearing from you guys, and we are compiling those, those questions that you're sending in for our Friday episodes for lightning round questions.

So make sure that you continue to send those in to that same text number, or you can email us at contact at clearviewtodayshow.com. And again, on that same website, clearviewtodayshow.com, you'll find the link to donate, to contribute financially to what God is doing in and through this show. And we count it a blessing to have you as partners in that endeavor as we're seeking to reach as many people as possible with the message of the gospel. Amen.

Thank you so much for donating. That's the hope that we had from today in interacting with our family is the hope of the gospel. That's right. And you have a hand in taking that to the nations. That's right. We're grateful for you.

That's right. As we close, Dr. Shah, do you have any last minute advice for us today? Yes, I do.

I do. We're talking about families getting together, sitting around the dining table, enjoying that wonderful meal. And I know some families are huge and not everybody can fit on the dining table. Maybe some are in the living room, in the den, out on the, I was going to say balcony, but not balcony. I mean, out in the, what am I talking about? The patio? The patio.

People everywhere are trying to eat. But here's a suggestion. When you have these get togethers, I learned this from Michael Hyatt.

Michael Hyatt, you know, famous leadership guru and writer and one time CEO of Zondrofen. He said he and his wife always make that announcement the best they can. Hey guys, let's have one conversation.

Okay. As long as we're here on the table for the next hour or so, let's have one conversation. What ends up happening is you'll have that aunt who will turn around and start talking to somebody else every time. Or somebody over there having their own conversation and here's something going on. You want everybody to hear it, be part of it.

And people have their own little subgroups. Right, right. Did you see earlier what happened when we were in the cafe? Like, I'm sorry, I know you're trying to tell the story.

It's an application. I was not tracking. I was like, what are you doing? I was trying to see like when he was talking, how distracting and how unfocused we were. And I just realized I was like, what just happened? That was effective because you could, I was completely somewhere else. I was like, what are you doing? And for a half a second, I was like, I'm the host of the show. What are you guys doing?

No, you get the point. The point is getting everybody, and it doesn't have to be for the whole afternoon or the whole day, but at least for that dinner time, have someone get up like, you know, the host of the home or whatever and say, Hey guys, hope everybody's having a lot of fun. You know, we have a lot of food here. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight and, you know, we're going to hang out and watch games or whatever. We'll do go outside and throw Frisbees. But while we're on the dinner table, Hey guys, let's have one conversation so we can all be part of this one conversation best we can instead of having several conversations going on on the side. We'll have time for that, but let's have this one conversation for the next hour or so. And that's all we ask.

And I hope we can all have fun and make a lot of memories that we can share together. Okay. All right. Now some people may still say, Hey, I'm going to talk to whoever I want to talk to, but let Mr. Grinch stay in his world. Let him stay in his little cave.

That's fine. We cannot make people do that. Yeah. But at least setting the expectation that, you know, Hey, we're a family and for the hour, we only do this once a year gang for the hour that we have around this table. Let's be a one conversation.

What a precious opportunity. I love that idea. Just that building that unity. That's what we want at the holidays, right? Everyone to be unified, everybody to build memories together.

Why not facilitate that? I love it. I love that. Let us know what you think. Take that home and implement it during the holiday season. Let us know if it works for you. You can text us at 252-582-5028. Or again, email us at contact at clearviewtodayshow.com. Make sure you're following us on social media as well, Facebook and Instagram. We love you guys and we'll see you tomorrow on Clearview Today.