Overwhelmed Mom | Jamie Erikson

Are you an overwhelmed mom?

Well, there's help and hope straight ahead on Building Relationships with doctor Gary Chapman. We sort of make a composite woman in our mind of all the women we see and assume it's all one woman and that we also need to be doing those things. And we add and add and add to our plate, thinking that we have to do things that are not our business to mind.

Well, no wonder that we're overwhelmed because we're doing everybody else's business. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Author of The New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Today, is there a happy medium between Pinterest perfection and the chaos you're experiencing as a mom?

Author and homeschool mom Jamie Erickson will join us to talk about how to quiet the chaos, mind what matters, and enjoy your life again. Jamie has written our featured resource at buildingrelationships.us. It's titled Overwhelmed Mom, and we have a link for you at the website right there, buildingrelationships.us. Gary, you meet a lot of couples at your seminars. Do you see the effects of overwhelmed moms in the women you talk with?

You know, Chris, I do. Of course, my seminar is basically on marriage, you know. Uh not so much on parenting. But I think many women are overwhelmed in their marriage. You know, just not getting along well with their husband.

A lot of pressure's there. And of course, if she's a working mom, that's another whole source of pressure on her. And if she's a mom, that's another whole source.

So, yeah, this program today is going to be helpful to, I think, ladies at whatever juncture they are in life, if they're feeling some of that.

Well, let me reintroduce our guest, Jamie Erickson. She taught elementary school before becoming a mom. When her first child turned five, she made the decision to homeschool her daughter. Four more children followed, and she homeschools all five. She's the founder of the Unlikely Homeschool and a popular education blogger.

Her website, social media channels, and blog encourage and equip a growing tribe of more than 50,000 homeschooling moms around the world, really. Last time she was with us, we talked about her book, Homeschool Bravely. Her latest is our featured resource. I mentioned Overwhelmed Mom. The subtitle is Quiet the Chaos, Mind What Matters, and Enjoy Your Life Again.

Find out more at buildingrelationships.us.

Well, Jamie, welcome back to Building Relationships. It is always a joy to be with you, Dr. Chapman.

So, tell us the inspiration for tackling this topic of the overwhelmed mom. How did it come about?

Well, like you, I travel around the country and speak to moms of. Every season of motherhood, and while their stories are all kind of different, you know, they all tell me different things about their day and about their life, there's one common thread. I hear woven into each one. It's this sense of. I'm drowning.

I'm living my life feeling blistered and bruised all the live long day. And I think it's easy to believe when you're in an acutely overwhelmed season to feel like things will. Always be this way, that you're stuck, that you're not just overwhelmed, you are actually the overwhelmed mom because all the other moms somehow have figured out some hidden secret.

So, I wanted to provide some encouragement for moms to, number one, let them know that they're not alone because they certainly are not. Number two, give them some honest perspective about what overwhelm actually is. And then, number three, provide them with some practical handholds to help them with the everyday, mundane parts of their day so that they can free up more time and energy with which to tackle all those really acute. Moments of overwhelm.

So you do you share your own story deeply in this book? Yes, sir, I do. Yes, I'm a firm believer that, as I'm sure you are, God's never going to give me a message to deliver to others that He doesn't. want me to live as well. And I feel like I've lived every single word of this book.

Well tell us about that season of life when you were really wrestling with this. It was really a pretty acute time, right? Right. It was right at the end, the tail end of the launch of my second book. It was 2022.

We had all just kind of come out from that global pandemic, or at least we're starting to come out of that. My self-employed husband lost one of his biggest clients, and that really sent our finances into a tailspin for about six months. That was at the start of that year. And then just a few months later, my mother's dementia diagnosis, which she had been suffering from for a couple of years, had she had declined pretty rapidly. And her physical and all the emotional care was taking quite a toll on myself and my three other sisters.

And then later in August, right as my second book was coming out, one of my three favorite sisters lost a seven-year battle with cancer. And I had to make my way across the country to deliver her eulogy. And we were a one-car family at the time, and we knew that one car would not survive a cross-country trip.

So we traded it in and bought another new to us vehicle, made our way across the country. And then shortly after, and we're talking like maybe six or seven weeks, my husband unfortunately hit a deer with that car and it was completely totaled.

So there we were, a carless family. And then the extra cherry on top was that the insurance company found a loophole in our policy and was not going to cover the lot losses completely for our vehicle. And so there we were. And you couple all of that bedlam with just, you know, the natural brain-breaking business of everyday living, you know, the laundry piles, the dentist appointments, the meal prep, the errands, all those things. And you had the the makings of a giant game of whack-a-mole.

And that's really how my life felt like for a bit. I can imagine that there are some moms listening and hearing all of that, and in their minds they're thinking, oh, oh my, oh my. Maybe I don't have it so bad.

Well, and the thing is, it's not a trauma competition. You know, everybody will be able to carry a certain level or load differently. And so we all have a different amount of capacity. And I certainly was at that point to my limit of capacity. Yep, I could see that.

Well, how do you know if you are an overwhelmed mom? Is there a test you can take?

Well, one would hope so. I think we could actually take the word. Mom out of there and just leave overwhelmed on the page, and it would probably define most of our culture right now. I think that. Everyone is living in some sort of anxiety or anxiousness, overwhelm.

You know, Jesus said in this world you will have trouble. It wasn't if you have trouble, it was will have trouble. And so I think to some degree, everyone, including moms, are either just coming out of a season of overwhelm or headed into one, or they are right smack dab in the middle of one. Yeah. But I know that's uh my impression as well.

You know, today's moms have better technology and transportation and communication than previous generations. You know, they didn't have all of that.

So why are things seemingly worse now than they were before we had all of this? I think the answer is Really? Because I think the source of overwhelm is universal and timeless. I think overwhelm has actually been plaguing women since the very first. Steps out of the garden.

You know, sin has scarred everything that God called good. And so it made our lives so much harder than they need to be. I think too, um and this might sting a little bit. Like Eve, I think women tend to want to reach for sinful superlatives. We don't just want to settle for what is good, what God put right in front of us.

We want Better and we want best.

So we add to our lives in these very unnecessary ways because we pridefully assume that we can do it all, but we can't because only God is all. And so when we add more and more and more to our plates, we naturally, you know, the byproduct of that is we feel overwhelmed.

So did your own experience uh have a lot to do with your uh motivation uh to write this book? Absolutely. I think 2022 wasn't the only acute season of overwhelm in my life. I have lived more than my share of moments where I felt bent and bruised and burdened, just like I think every person listening.

Well, Jamie, you mentioned in the book that being overwhelmed is often a choice. Can you explain what you mean by that? Why would a mom choose to be overwhelmed?

Well, please understand me. I actually don't think overwhelm is ever anyone's conscious decision, but I do think we unknowingly add to our overwhelm. I think our first mistake is that we lump all of our overwhelming situations into one big pile and we assume that it's all the same. And so we tackle it all the same, but it's actually not all the same. In my experience, and based on what I would consider anecdotal evidence in my own life and in the life of friends and neighbors and other women I know, there are three distinct types of overwhelm.

I think God, through the Apostle Paul, gave us not only a subtle peek at the three different kinds of struggles, but also what I like to look at as a twofold prescription. for overcoming them. It's found in 1 Thessalonians 4, 11 through 12, and I'd like to read it if I could. It begins this way. And to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, you should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anyone.

So we see right there that twofold prescription to our overwhelm is to. Mind our own business. And to work with our hands. And if we do that, he says that you know that will be our ambition to live a quiet life. If we actually look at the word quiet in the Hebrew, there it means.

Peace and calm. And isn't that what we all want in our lives more of peace and calm? Yeah, you mentioned three types. of being overwhelmed. Yes, yes.

Let's unpack those for a second.

So Paul says, To mind your own business in that text. And for the most part, our contemporary tongues, we want to say that with a degree of snark, like mind your own business with our finger wagging and our hair flipping. But I don't actually believe that Paul's admonition was meant to cut or wound like that. I think if I read it in a normal way, with a normal emphasis, mind your own business. I'm actually encouraged To remember that some of the daily things that feel overwhelming to me are actually within my control and are mine to mind.

And if I do not work at them steadfastly and faithfully, I probably am going to be overwhelmed because today's troubles will roll over in tomorrow.

So I think that's one of the pieces of overwhelm we feel as women when we are not minding what God has given us to mind and we've fallen into apathy or lethargy or even just, dare I say it, laziness. But if we were to read that same phrase with a slightly different emphasis, it reminds us of another type of overwhelm that we have in our lives. And I'll read it this way: mind. your own business. I think women are really prone to looking at the business of other women.

You know, we go to social media and we look around at what everybody else is doing. We sort of make a composite woman in our mind of all the women we see and assume it's all one woman and that we also need to be doing those things. And we add and add and add to our plate, thinking that we have to do things that are not our business to mind.

Well, no wonder that we're overwhelmed because we're doing everybody else's business. And then, thirdly, if we read that phrase with a slightly different emphasis, like this, mind your own business, it can be a reminder to us that there is just some business that is only God's to mind. There is certain hurts, certain heartaches that we must actually release to God, opening our clinched fists and trusting that in His tender care, We will not be consumed. That's applying the scriptures in a practical way to deal with this. Thank you.

T tell us a personal story about your own motherhood overwhelm and how you overcame it.

Well, I can tell you about a situation that happened about a year ago today. I got a call from a naval hospital where my son was. Faithfully serving his country. And the doctor on the other end of the line said, Mrs. Erickson, We need some next of kin.

Your son is here in what was essentially the ICU, and he is not doing well, and he needs someone to come and advocate for him. And at the time, I still had three kids at home that I was homeschooling. I had a husband, I had church ministry, and lots of responsibilities. But I had to immediately drop all of those balls along with my husband, you know, to work out his things and come with me all the way to this naval hospital in another part of the country to be with my son. He had developed sepsis, he had fluid around his heart and his lungs, his blood was not regenerating, he was on heavy doses of oxygen.

And we were told this outcome is not going to be good for him. And here I was, just waves of overwhelm, you know, not to mention all the everyday mundane tasks that I had to deal with.

Now I was faced with this huge thing. And here's what I learned in that time: here's two things that I learned that I I can see that every word I wrote in my book rang true. First and foremost, I had had some systems put in place already in my life to keep those. Everyday bits and pieces running on clockwork so that they were automated.

So I could step out of essentially my everyday life and things would still keep running, so that I could give more attention and time and energy and care to this bigger, acute moment of overwhelm. And secondly, I had already gathered a community of fellow believers around me that could shore me up, hold me up, lift me up to the throne of God in ways that I couldn't at that point. We had whole teams of people praying for us and providing practical care for us in ways that we couldn't. And so those were the two things that I think God used to really anger me when I felt like my boat was going to split in half and go down. Wow.

Well, you know, I think the value of community is no there's no question about it. Having people with you when you're going through the pressure. Of course, as you know, many women do not have that, so that is a challenge, I think.

So Jamie, what what happened to your son? Thank you so much for asking. He actually he made a Pretty significant turnaround in ways that just completely shocked and confounded the doctors. And of course, we weren't confounded. We knew that that was just the kindness of God to him and to us.

And he did begin to recover. All the while, I had to go back to my regular everyday life with my other three children and leave him there, not fully out of the woods and the weeds. But here's another piece of that story that I think speaks to what you were saying, Dr. Chapman, about community. As we were pulling up into our driveway when we got back home, we saw our two neighbors standing along the edge of the driveway holding up cameras, holding up their cell phones, taking a video of us.

And I thought, what is going on? And I pull around and we see that we have a brand new deck built for us. And I remembered back to two days before we had left for this, you know, emergency trip across the country. My husband had shared at a life group that one of the biggest fall projects. Was going to be to rebuild our deck that was literally crumbling and was becoming a hazard to anybody who walked on it.

We didn't at the time have the financial resources nor the know-how, but somehow that was going to have to be done. And we just kind of left that conversation and went about our lives. Two days later, this tragic event happened with our son. And we left. and we came home to a brand new deck.

Now, we still to this day don't know who did it, but our neighbors are one of whom is a professing atheist, another doesn't have a faith, watch this whole thing unfold. And all I could think of is that verse in scripture that they will know you by your love. And it's in those deep, overwhelming moments that the body can gather around each other and not just help to support and uphold one another, but also show a watching world the love of God. through their love for each other.

Well I can think a lot of folks are listening thinking, man, I wish I had people like that in my life. But many times those kind of for friendships and relationships are built in church relationships, right? Right. And it does take a back and forth. I think it's a matter of pouring into others, being the community that you want to have, and eventually that will be reciprocated when you need it most.

Yeah. You say that our current culture celebrates two different types of moms. Who are those two kinds of moms? And how does Scripture speak to that issue?

Well, I think on one end of the spectrum, we see the mom bosses, those who, you know, want to solve all the world's problems and launch a five-part course about it on Instagram by lunch. And then on the other side, you see those, and this is their words, this is not mine, the hot mess mombies who kind of wallow in self-pity. They're the women who hide in the closet and eat all the chocolate, and they feel like their husbands and their children are occupational hazards, that they're actually robbing them of purpose. And I think both sides have contributed to this weariness epidemic that plagues so many of us mothers. But I think in scripture, specifically in that 1 Thessalonians 4:12 passage, God calls us to live in such a way that You know, there is no explanation, but Jesus.

He, I know it sounds trite, but he really does call us to that middle ground. That means we're minding our own business and we're working with our hands in order that we can live that quiet life. And that's really the happy medium. You know, I'm to be industrious and hardworking, but not so that I can have an everything life, because only God is everything, so that I can mind what is mine to mind. Yeah.

Talk more about that. You know, the book invites moms to experience freedom and enjoy the gift of motherhood. Uh speak more to that issue.

Well, I think when you are minding those things, like in that acute season of overwhelm that I was in last fall with my son. Yes, it was a very hard, difficult, trying time, but I could step back into my life, not feeling like you know, I was a duck where you saw the calm on the top and my feet were paddling uncontrollably underneath the water. I could just. Step back into my life with peace and calm. And therefore, you know, the byproduct of that is that I actually enjoy my life.

I'm not spinning my wheels at top warp speed all the live long day, every day. There's another aspect to this, Jamie, and that is So much of your life, especially if you've got kids in the home.

So much is just doing the mundane stuff, and you can miss the things that are happening. You can have a new deck out back and miss the birds and the wildlife in your yard, too, right? Right. Yes. When you think that your children and the everyday things that are happening around you are just mundane and you.

Forget to look. For the beauty in the everyday, you know, I think I definitely fell prey to that in the early years of mothering, and I didn't see that, you know, I was living the best years of my life and I didn't even know it. And so, to just open your hands to what God has for you that day and really find joy in the little things, you know, the little dandelion bouquets that are presented with chubby preschool fingers and the popsicles on the front stoop after a big winning game, those are. the glory moments that at least I hope I can remember. Yeah, you're taking me back now to to when our kids were were that age.

So what what uh essential steps can a mother take to help her move from feeling burdened to actually enjoying her life. I think the simplest pivot that we can make right now today is to begin to change the way we talk about our lives. We need to start narrating a good story about our circumstances. I know so often when I'm in an overwhelming season, it's really easy to grab for that low-hanging fruit of complaining and spewing vitriol about what's going on. But Proverbs 18:21 reminds us: death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And science is only beginning to show us that what you say about your life will greatly affect. How you feel about it.

So, when we view our homework as a four-letter word, we're gonna begin to treat it as if it is. And we'll get more and more behind, and we'll look for more ways to cast blame on whoever just happens to be standing closest to us, which usually is our husbands and our children.

So, I think that's the first step: begin to change. the conversation and narrate your life differently. If you say that you're the hot mess mom. You probably are going to end up being that. And then I think we can also begin to audit and edit our lives wherever possible, asking God to give us wisdom, give us discernment, to know what we can delegate to someone else.

If you have children, if you're a mom and you have kids, you have a small little army of people ready to help with hands and feet to do the job. Ask Him what you can delegate. Ask Him what you can dismiss. Lord, what is not mine to do today? What have I taken on that is somebody else's?

And then ask him what you can do today. Lord, help me be faithful and steadfast here in this moment.

So, those are two immediate things that you can do to change the trajectory of your day. This is the Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman podcast. He's the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . We're talking with Jamie Erickson about her new resource, a book titled Overwhelmed Mom.

Quiet the chaos, mind what matters, and enjoy your life again. Again, go to buildingrelationships.us or you can find us at fivelovelanguages.com. You know, Jamie, before the break, we were talking about changing. for talk. the ex things they're telling themselves.

I remember I said to a lady one time I s who was just so, so down, everything was awful, you know, in her mind. And I said, I'll give you a little assignment. Why don't you go in your bedroom, and just thank God for every single thing that's in the bedroom? Just call them out by name, you know, for this l n lampstand and for the lamp on top of it and just go through the whole thing. I said, I think you'll find there are some things to be thankful for, you know.

If you start thinking along those lines, it does make a difference, doesn't it, in your emotional state. Right. And that's not to say that we can't confide in others about our overwhelming circumstances. I obviously reached out to a handful of really close friends, trusted friends that I knew would pray for me and my son in that overwhelming season. But that we're not distress dumping and throwing our family under the bus by just complaining.

We're not taking to the internet to spew vitriol about our circumstances to just kind of gather allies who will say, Oh, you poor thing. That we're actually taking our cares to the one who stands ready and able to do something about them. Yeah. Yeah. So what would you say to the mom who struggles to say no to demands on her time and establish good boundaries?

Because I think that's, you've said already, that that's one of the major things that helps a woman or that leads a woman to feeling so overwhelmed.

Well, I would tell her with all love and sincerity that she actually is saying no all the time. It's just that she might not be saying no with intentionality. Here's the thing. Every single yes that you give to someone or something. Is also then a no to someone else or something else.

So, in saying yes to someone else's agenda item, she might be inadvertently saying no to the things that matter most to her, you know, her husband, her kids, the responsibilities and callings that she really feels passionate about.

So, I think that the power of yes and no are almost always in our control. And women have to remember. We're not sidekicks or supporting roles in our own life. We get to decide, with the Lord's help, the Spirit's leading, what is important enough to spend our lives on. Mm.

So asking God to show you Uh what? Are the most important things in my life at this point in my life? Mm-hmm. Is that that's kind of what you're saying? Yes.

And I think it's helpful to really give a honest assessment of our life. I actually at one point made a list of every single responsibility, every time constraint I had, and I began to categorize those with the spirits leading. And I prayed, Lord, show me what are the most important things on this list. And I began to assess them and put them in categories. Because here's the thing, when we're spinning a lot of plates, we often think those plates are all the same.

But there are actually some plates in my life that are china plates, and I would not ever want to drop those because they're irreplaceable. There are glass plates that are a little bit more replaceable, but still valuable. There are plastic plates, and to be honest, there are even paper plates. And when I began to see all those plates I was spinning in that way, I could then see which ones I could easily set down or even just let drop if I needed to and know that, oh, I can pick those up again at a later time because I really want to make sure that these. china plates and these glass plates continue to spin.

You know, I would like to uh Say hey moms. Did you hear what she just said? Because I'm guessing that a lot of moms that are overwhelmed have never. Sat down and made a list of all of their responsibilities and then gone back. and categorize them as to which ones are most important and you know, and those that are less important and some that maybe can be dropped.

But but that's really a very practical way. to assess what changes might be made, right? Right, because your life is kind of like a box. You can put so many things into it. But as soon as something else gets into that box, you know, the laws of physics say something has to come out of that box, right?

If it's already a full box. And when you're feeling overwhelmed, your box is full. When my son went through his accident and I had to rush off to another part of the country, my box was more than full. But in order to do that, I had to... be willing to take a few things out of my box, but that list helped me assess right away.

I didn't even have to give it any mental thought. I knew exactly what I could drop in order to carry this new load. Yeah, yeah, that's very helpful.

Well, you encourage moms to uh live in their season. What do you mean by that, and what does that look like uh in a practical sense?

Well, I think Satan wants us to live in the two places that we cannot change. He wants us to live and look to the past and pine for the past. And he wants us to look ahead with fear, in fear, to the future. And those are two areas of my life that I have no control over. God has me right here, right now.

And in a practical sense, for mothers, I know in those early years and the mom-heavy years of mothering, I could often find myself looking ahead to the futures thinking, oh, it'll be so nice when my kids don't have to sit in car seats anymore. It'll be so wonderful when I don't have to change any diapers or clean up any spills, when they can make their own breakfast in the morning. And I wasn't being fully present right where my feet were because I was looking ahead, you know, pining for the future. And then now, as a mom of adults and teenagers, I can easily, if I'm not careful, I can easily look back and think, think through the lens of Rose Colonel. Colored glasses and look at my life back then through that lens and think about how wonderful those years were.

I can also sit here in this season of life and want to control my children in the same ways that I was able to when they were little. In my fear, I want to control and cajole. And again, I'm not living in my season when I do that. Mm.

Understanding that there are seasons of life consciously being aware of that. This is where I am right now. And I'm not five years ahead. I'm not three years behind, but I'm right here living in the present. That can be hard, I think, isn't it?

Because you've got all these things, the past things as the future things in your mind, and sometimes it's hard to just focus on this is where I am today. Yes, there's a verse in Psalms that talks about how, you know, God puts the lines in pleasant places for you and he puts boundaries. And we often, especially as moms, I think, we look at the boundaries of this season. You know, when we have little kids, we feel hemmed in by the constraints of, oh, nap time. And I have all these children.

I cannot volunteer for that thing that I really want to do. And we see those boundary lines as inhibiting, as controlling. But that verse actually harkens back to verses in the Torah where it speaks to the boundary lines that God put in place when he was dividing the land of Israel to the different tribes. And those boundary lines actually weren't to hem them in. They were actually to keep the cares and concerns of the world.

Out.

So, those boundary lines that God has in place for this particular season you're living in, mama, isn't a punishment from the Lord. It's actually a kindness to let you just fully enjoy this season that you're in right now and not take on the cares of others. And when you do that, that's another reason that you feel so overwhelmed because you're thinking about a time you're not currently living in and taking on those cares and concerns as well as the everyday cares and concerns of right now. And there's always enough. To keep us busy with just the things of today, right?

That's right, yes. Especially if you're a mother, that's for sure.

Well, we talked earlier about this, the importance and the value of having a support network, you know, a community with other mothers. I think many women are asking, though, how do I do that? Because I'm involved with the children, I've got all these things with the children, my relationship to my husband, and some wives are also working outside the home. I don't have time to get involved with other people. But how does the mother that feels overwhelmed?

And but doesn't have a support team, doesn't have a community. How does she go about? trying to develop that.

Well, I would push back on what you just said and say she doesn't have time not to have a support system because it is so vitally important. I think it's biblical for a reason, because God knew it was good Not just good, it was good for us. I think the first thing to do is to look around another Christ-following women that God has put right in front of you in your local body of believers. You know, we should be plugging into that local community. It's not by accident that He's put you in proximity to these particular women.

And then you have to be vulnerable enough to just ask for help, ask for physical help, spiritual help, emotional help. Be a person that gives and takes, you know, is willing to lend a hand, but also receive it. But here's my warning. Biblical mentorship, I think, is a mixed bag because you have to be willing to accept not just encouragement. But also exhortation.

And I'm talking about the kind of exhortation that will feel like setting a bone in order to help it grow strong and straight. If you're feeling overwhelmed in your life and you're praying that God would lead someone in your life, another God-honoring woman to speak truth into your life, then you can't feel overwhelmed by the advice that she gives you or take offense to it. Because if you're praying and asking God to lead that woman in your life, then you have to be willing to welcome her exhortation, even if it feels harsh. with open hands. Because the value is really quite high in terms of being open to instruction, right?

Right, yes. And a person who's outside of your situation, they may have been in similar situations in the past, and they may be immersed in scriptures, and they may be able to see some things you can't see. And we all need that, you know, even pastors need that. I remember when people would come up to me when I was preaching on a regular basis and say, you know, Pastor, it would have been helpful if you would have done da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right.

You know, and I always say, well, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. That really hadn't crossed my mind. And I really appreciate you sharing that. And, you know, we need to be open to the comments and suggestions of others.

It doesn't mean we always have to do everything that someone suggests, but we ought to give really due consideration to it, right? Right. And we have to be willing to be questioned. I think people that Can't be questioned often, whether purposefully or inadvertently, end up doing very questionable things because they don't have someone speaking truth into their life. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, let's say that a wife, a mother is in a church. But she's mainly just going to the worship services. She's really not involved in a small group or anything like that in church. How can she take the step to really?

find a group that she can get involved in.

Well, I think we're all called as women, especially, to look for mothers, sisters, and daughters of the faith. Meaning, you know, there's always going to be somebody who's just a couple of steps further on the journey than us. There's also going to be women who are standing side by side that we're rubbing shoulders with, that, you know, like us are raising children in porn culture in ways that previous generations didn't have to. And so there's this natural empathy. and understanding with our sisters in Christ, but there's also daughters in Christ who are not quite as far along as we are.

And I think if it feels really fragile and frightening to reach ahead and find that mentor, then start by turning around behind you and be a mentor that you would like to have. And as you do that, you will then form this lifeblood lineage of faith in your church. It'll start with you. I think that's a good suggestion. I just know that I run into a lot of women in my office who have come in for counseling who are not involved in a group in their church.

They go to worship service, you know, and they're listening to the word there, but they're not involved. And most churches do have small groups that you can get involved in.

So if they would take the initiative to reach out and talk with a staff member and say, you know, where is a group, what group might be a good group for me to be involved in? I think they would find it if they look. Look, if you look, you find. Yes. Yes.

And to understand that sometimes the. Whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Meaning, you know, my husband and I are a part of a small group, and we believe that's who did fix our deck. We don't really have solid proof of that, but anecdotal evidence shows that that's probably the case. And it does take a time investment out of our week.

Every single Wednesday will find us gathered on the couch with friends and me making a dessert to share with them, or one of the other wives making a dessert to share with the rest. It does take a time investment. But, you know, just like the five loaves and two fish were multiplied in the hands of Jesus, Jesus will take that small little investment of yours and multiply it in ways that you will not even begin to. even understand. And we got the fivefold reciprocation of that care and love when we were in an acute season of overwhelm because those were the same people Who turned around and invested in us because we had been investing in them.

So it is absolutely worth it. If you are a woman who's on the fence about whether she has time to dive deeply into a relationship like that in a small group in your local body of believers. I am here to tell you, it's absolutely worth it. Yeah. I would certainly agree with that.

Well, earlier in our program we learned that you home schooled. All those children. Yes. Now, homeschooling came along after our children were gone. But I have always admired those who choose uh to do homeschooling.

But I want you to talk about that because you're speaking out of experience. The difficulty that some moms see in that, maybe they're trying it and it is seeming overwhelming to them and they're feeling burdened. But speak to the mom who perhaps is already homeschooling or those who are contemplating that. Share your thoughts on that.

Well, first, I want to say that I see you. You are the mom who is not only taking on, you know, moms live in this lifelong Relationship with self-doubt because I think that's where the enemy wants to grab us. And so you're not only that mom who's living in the doubts and the concerns of every day. But then you've also added on this very large, at times overwhelming burden of educating your children for the long haul. And you're probably sitting there wondering, am I doing it right?

Am I messing this up? That's what we all often ask, especially on the hard days. I think that it is very easy for the homeschooling mom to feel overwhelmed for those reasons. But here's what I want her to hear: if you're a homeschooling mom listening. Don't self help your way out of everything that God meant.

To bring you to his feet. Yes, homeschooling is hard. I would argue that anything worth doing is probably hard at times, but homeschooling might actually be the tool that God uses in your life to sanctify you in ways that maybe. You know, it wouldn't necessarily otherwise happen. I know that that's been the case in my own life.

I've leaned harder into him, I've prayed longer, I've sat at his feet. In ways that maybe I wouldn't have because I need him so desperately. Homeschooling has brought me to that need. Yeah. And we're not suggesting that homeschooling is the thing for every parent.

Absolutely not. We recognize that because there are different opportunities in different communities and there are places where the public school is almost no good at all. There are others that public schools may be an answer. There are Christian schools, obviously, in some communities, but not in others. But I do admire those who choose to do homeschooling because I think they are really taking on a responsibility that is going to demand time and effort and all of that.

And as you said, demand the help of God.

So it draws you every day. God, give me wisdom in this. But I have noticed in my observation that so many homeschooled children relate far better to adults. than uh those who are in public schools. They they're just they they're they can engage and ask questions and have conversations.

Yes. I completely agree, Dr. Chapman.

Homeschooling certainly is not God's plan for everyone. I think we all as parents would be remiss As Christian parents, I should say, we would be remiss if we did not hold out our hands openly to the Lord and say, Lord, Where would you have me? Go with my children. There are struggles and strengths in every single schooling choice. And I can say that as a former classroom teacher and as a person who went to a Christian school and now a mother who homeschools her children, I know that there are struggles and strengths with every single choice.

So our prayer should be: Lord, what are the struggles and strengths that you would have for me and mine? What will you use? Which one of these three options will you use to sanctify us and mold us into your image?

Well, Jamie, as we come toward the end of our time today, what is the main message you hope that readers will take away? from from this book.

Well, I hope they see that overwhelm is a really good indicator of misaligned priorities. A woman can care about many things, but she actually cannot do many things with great care. And I think feeling frazzled and feeling frayed, that's often a byproduct. That should tell us, oh, I'm running hard after maybe not the most important things. Stewardship should always compel us to do something, ladies, if you're listening.

But our surrender should actually constrain us from wanting to do. all things, because only God is all. Good word. I just want to encourage the women who are listening today, the mothers who are listening today, to get this book. You will find it very, very helpful.

And Jamie, I want to thank you for being with us today, for sharing this, and for taking time to write this book, because I do think it's going to help a lot of mothers. It's always a joy to talk to you, Dr. Chapman.

Thank you so much for having me. There's so much hope here, so much life and calm and rest in this new resource we've been talking about today by Jamie Erickson. I think your book is going to help a lot of moms. Just go to buildingrelationships.us and you can find out more about Overwhelmed Mom, Quiet the Chaos, Mind What Matters, and Enjoy Your Life Again. Again, go to buildingrelationships.us.

And next week, we open the lines to take your calls about any relationship struggle you might be having. Leave a message now by calling 1-866-424-GARY.

Now, before we go, let me thank our production team Steve Wick and Janice Backing. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.