Growing Beyond Trauma | Lisa Saruga

If you've experienced a traumatic event in your life, don't miss today's Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Uh Sometimes we get so focused on our trauma and our pain and the horrific wasteland of life that we forget to look up and notice that there's life all around us and the goodness of the Lord is in the land of the living. Regardless of what trauma you've gone through, regardless of the pain you've experienced, God's goodness is still here. and we can still experience his goodness and even joy, even joy in life after trauma.

Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Today, licensed professional counselor and author Lisa Soruga gives help and hope. for those dealing with trauma in their past.

Lisa survived an assault as a college student and then the feelings resurfaced years later. When the cold case was reopened, so there is a lot of dramatic material that she's included in the book. As she's been faithful to tell her story, the title of the book is The Trauma Tree. going beyond survival, growing toward wholeness. We have it at the website buildingrelationships.us.

I want you to hear what speaker and author Carol Kent says about the book. You will be gripped by the author's honesty and authenticity throughout the chapters of this book. More than that, you will gain the tools to move from survival mode to wholeness. And that really is the hope of Lisa's writing as well as this program today. She says, Hope isn't dependent on miraculous healing, justice, or the undoing of what has already been done, Hope can only be found in something that is sure, true, and unchanging.

Now listen to this. God didn't create us to get over trauma. He wants to walk with us as we work through it. And I think just that statement is really encouraging. And if you have been through some kind of trauma, I hope it will encourage you as well.

You can find the book at buildingrelationships.us. Again, the title is The Trauma Tree. And Gary, I think everyone listening to this conversation, whether you've gone through big T trauma or little T trauma, we're all going to benefit from what Lisa has to share.

Well, I certainly feel that way, Chris. You know, a lot of folks have gone through trauma, to be sure, and then there are family members, you know, who have seen their family member go through trauma.

So, yeah, and everybody is going to run into this sooner or later along the way in terms of people who have been traumatized.

So, yeah, I am excited about our program today. And one of the things I'm especially listening for is: okay, what do we do in the church? How do we help? Others who are going through this? How can we be part of Their healing and wholeness.

So let's meet our guest, Lisa Suruga, S-A-R-U-G-A, is a licensed professional counselor, EMDR trauma therapist, speaker, and author. She's certified as a legal and ethical specialist by the American School Counselor Association. Her debut book is our featured resource today, The Trauma Tree. And it signifies a new chapter in her commitment to empowering others. You can find out more about it at buildingrelationships.us.

Well, Lisa, welcome to Building Relationships. Thank you. It's so good to be here with you. I often see God using wounds in people's lives for healing. Uh do you think that's what happened in your in your own case?

I do. I really believe that God does not purpose for us to experience trauma, but he can use all things for his purposes. And so While the trauma itself is an unpleasant experience, there's definitely been healing in my life, and God has used it in remarkable ways. Yeah, we don't want to ever accuse God of what people do that is sinful. He takes no pleasure in that.

But we live in a fallen world, and consequently we often suffer trauma at the hands of those who are not following God.

So take us back to your college days. What were your hopes and dreams at that season of your life? I was so excited to be at college. My whole life had wanted to be a musician. I am a musician and was studying music, music education in college.

And so I was. participating in the one of the top marching bands in the country and um Singing and just doing all kinds of great things and meeting really wonderful people.

So I was just really hopeful for my music future at that point. Yeah.

So it was there that you experienced the trauma that uh A lot of our listeners unfortunately are going to identify with. Is it important to warn people who might feel triggered in this area? Absolutely. What happened to me has happened to many, many people. And I think as we talk about the story, it's important to just really ground ourselves, remind yourself: you know, you're safe right now, I'm safe.

Plant your feet on the ground and know that you're here, it's now, and we're safe. Yeah.

So take us back to that night and tell us what happened.

So I was alone in my dorm room. And the the last friend who had left had left the door unlocked.

So I woke up in the middle of the night. And discovered there was a man in a ski mask crouched next to my bed. And what happened that morning was just very violent. I was nearly suffocated. I was knifed and I was raped.

Mm. And I survived. That's important. Go ahead. And I think when we just hear What you just said There has to be a sense of pain.

in the heart of anybody that has empathy. Yeah.

Think about y your own daughter or son or whatever and And unfortunately this happens all too often, not only in our culture, but really around the world. Yeah.

So they didn't catch the perpetrator, and you wanted to move on with your life, just get it behind you. Uh were you able to do that? For a long time I was. The way I handled my trauma is very common. A lot of people who have experienced trauma don't even realize it.

They kind of want to call it no big deal. And that's what I did. I just didn't want this to define me. I didn't want to talk about it. I did what I needed to do.

I reported it. I went to the hospital. But then I didn't talk about it again. I just filed it away in the back of my mind and thought. Life was good before.

I just need to pick up where we left off and continue on. The problem with that is, I didn't do any counseling. I didn't do anything to help get through the processing of that trauma. And that worked for a while. Yeah.

So years later the case was reopened. How did you respond to that? Yeah.

And that's where that kind of coping. did not work anymore. This was thirty five years after. Wow. The trauma had occurred.

I got a phone call from the police at that campus. to tell me that somebody had called the police and reported the identity of the man in the ski mask. from 35 years below before. I by this point was a trauma therapist. I worked with people with PTSD, but in that moment, I finally knew exactly what PTSD or PTSI is because I experienced it firsthand.

All that unprocessed trauma lives in our brain forever in a subconscious part of our brain called the amygdala. When my cold case reopened, it triggered that amygdala and it just released all of the emotions and chemicals and hormones that were released at the time of the trauma. And it was like I was 18 years old again and had just experienced, I could remember every single detail. of that day. And it really did trigger me into a season of dealing with post-traumatic stress symptoms.

You know, nightmares and dreaming that I was drowning. I would dream that I was drowning. And remember, I was nearly suffocated.

So it was all tied together. It was devastating. Was the man prosecuted? He was not. It was a long, drawn-out process.

Before we discovered that while there's no statute of limitations in Michigan on a crime of that violent nature now, there was when it occurred. And we can't retroactively remove statutes of limitations.

So basically, he hid his identity long enough that. He beat the system. There had to be feelings in your heart and mind at that time about that man. Can you share what you were feeling and thinking at that juncture? I think in that moment All the fear came back.

I realized this man's still out there. He's still alive. Who knows? how many people he's harmed and I was pretty scared. And then I was notified.

by the Attorney General's office that there were some safety issues because Uh This man is very violent and they thought he was looking for me.

So fear was probably the The dominating Emotional. at that time. Yeah.

Well in your book you talk about different types of trauma that people face. You talk about some big T traumas and some little T traumas. Tell us what you mean or explain some of those. Yeah, big T trauma are are the the catastrophic events that we think of in life and big T trauma is life threatening or life altering. It's usually a one-time occurrence.

And it can include things like violent crime, severe accidents, natural disasters, loss of a child. The big catastrophic events that we think of would be big T trauma. Little T trauma.

Sometimes we don't take as seriously, and it can be chronic.

So, I'm talking about. non-life threatening events. Such as Perhaps child abuse or neglect that's not life-threatening, bullying, divorce, financial difficulty. Those are traumatic events that are not life-threatening. Unfortunately, right now, the DSM-5, when we diagnose post-traumatic stress.

Disorder, PTSD, the guidelines say you have to have experienced a big T trauma. And I think that's unfortunate because chronic little T trauma impacts the brain the exact same way a big T trauma does.

So, both are significant. And I think it's important to point out what trauma is not. We overuse that word. You know, I think of my teenage kids years ago coming home and saying, lunch was horrible. I was traumatized.

That's not trauma. That's drama. Yeah.

Drama is much different from trauma. Yes, it is. Yeah.

So do you think that you moved toward becoming a therapist because of this traumatic experience? Absolutely. Yeah.

I never intended to study anything but music. And about a year after. the event. I changed my major to political science and decided I was going to go into law. I wanted to be a prosecuting attorney and.

Put men in masks behind bars. And I finished that out and I applied to law school and got in and started working. In a clerkship. and discovered that rapists were not going to jail. Today only about 2.5% of rapists go to jail.

Wow. Very quickly dawned on me that as long as there's going to be rapists out there, there's going to be a need for counselors. And so I. immediately dropped out of law school and started graduate school and became Um a therapist. You continued in the same college or university where you were when this happened?

I did. You know, a lot of people were saying you need to go home, you need to take some time off. And I knew if I did that. Not going to be good. I needed to keep moving.

So I was right back to class the next Monday and Right back into all of my activities. Yeah, I never did leave that school and I loved my college. Yeah, yeah. Was it difficult to go through the training to become a counselor like you are now because of what you had gone through? And you're studying all that now.

Was that hard for you? You know, it I think in some ways it made me more passionate. to learn to be a counselor. I don't remember being re-traumatized or struggling. At that time.

And part of that, I think, is I still had that filed away in the back of my mind. I wasn't going to think about it. Yeah.

And so I was I was dissociated. You know, emotionally from what had happened to me.

So at the time, no, I don't remember that being difficult.

Well, most listeners will have heard, you know, PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. But you prefer P T S I. What is that? Yeah.

So the DSM still calls argent. the response to big T trauma. post-traumatic stress disorder. And there are many of us in the field who are questioning that terminology because to me, a disorder is something that you're born with that may not be curable. Might be treatable.

We're not born with PTSD, this is an injury that happens to us later. And so I call it post-traumatic stress injury. I think that there's a lot of research to show that our brain is injured when we suffer big T trauma and chronic little T trauma. You know, we can see that the amygdala grows and the hippocampus shrinks. I won't go into all the science weeds of that, but our brain does change when we experience trauma.

And I think it's important to acknowledge this as an injury. Injuries can be healed. which is what a blessing that is. Yeah.

But also, you know, when I think about our military, we have a lot of people who leave the military with post-traumatic stress. injuries. Yeah.

I think it's really unfortunate that You know, if somebody is Injured, maybe their eardrum ruptures because they've been exposed to a loud noise in the military. They get a purple heart for that injury. But we don't do the same thing for people with post-traumatic stress injuries. They don't get a purple heart. It's not acknowledged as an injury.

And I think it's important that we start acknowledging that. Hmm. Mm. How would you suggest we do that? I would love to see the DSM.

change the terminology used. And I know there are many in the field who are kind of fighting to have that done. Yeah, and and I think shows like yours where we can talk about this as an injury, it's important to just get the word out that this is not something you're born with. It's not something that is wrong with you. It's a natural response to unnatural circumstances.

Yeah.

Well, I think our listeners who are hearing this are in their minds saying, yes, yes, you're right. It's not a disorder, something I was born with. It is an injury, and there's healing for injuries.

Now you use the analogy of a pear tree to explain trauma recovery. Tell us more about that. When I wrote this book, I wanted it to be something palatable to somebody who is experiencing trauma or in crisis.

So I didn't want to get too academic. And I didn't want to go. too deep. I do use examples of traumas that people have experienced but For the most part, we follow the story of this tree, and it's a true story about my little pear tree that was injured and suffered a trauma. And I think there was just so much that we could learn from that tree, and the fact that it was.

designed by God with everything it needed to heal? It's a flourish, and we are too. And so I I used that analogy or that metaphor To bring in different concepts of healing in such a way that it wouldn't be Re-traumatizing for someone to read.

So what trauma did your pear tree have? My pear tree, we received this little, it was called a new Bradford pear, not a Bradford pear. It was a A new and improved Bradford pear tree we received for as a wedding gift. And uh Really nurtured that tree for about a year before we planted it. And when we planted it, it was in the shadow of a big, ugly pine tree.

And my husband cut the pine tree down and it landed on the pear tree. Oh, no. And we were left with two. A stick with two branches sticking out. Just destroyed the tree.

Yeah, so that was the damage. And that tree, because it was a wedding gift, was representative of a lot of things in life. And so the little tree's trauma was our trauma too. Yeah, well, did the tree survive? The tree flourished.

And you have to read the book to see the whole story on that, but the tree absolutely flourished. Yeah.

Was that mirroring then of your own experience that a lot of times when I think about a tree or plants? You don't see because if you're really close to it, you can't see the growth, you can't see the life that is there. You know, from day to day, it's over time that you see that. Did that mirror what happened in your own heart? Oh, I think, yeah, I think you're right on track with that.

We don't often notice our own growth because we're. Staring it in the face, right? We see the trauma, we don't always notice the growth. Um this particular tree. grew so fast and healed so fast that, um It was really remarkable to see, and you know, if we use the right techniques and we allow God into the process, we can do the same thing, we can grow and flourish too.

It's not A given that we grow. after trauma. But it is possible.

So, you had to make a choice. See, that's really interesting because I wonder if. You saw evidence of growth, or did it take somebody else speaking into your own life to say, Hey, look at this, Lisa, look at how far you come. Did you feel like you you moved past, let's say, you know, the the nightmares that you might have had or the feelings that came up if you saw of some person in a ski mask on T V. You know, was that part of the growth that you felt?

Oh yeah. Yeah.

It's interesting that you said that about seeing ski masks on TV because there was a A series of commercials that came out that featured a guy in a ski mask and they were supposed to be funny. And I never found them funny. I was very triggered by ski masks. And that's funny that you said that because that was one of the first things I noticed was I could watch that commercial not be triggered. Hmm.

Healing takes time and effort. And it wasn't until after the cold case that was reopened that I finally sought godly counsel. And I finally started talking about the trauma, even with my loved ones. I didn't talk to my family. My adult children had no idea what I had experienced.

Mm. And just allowing people. Into our trauma and our pain. is so healing in and of itself. Yeah.

you know, face the trauma. squarely. In through therapy, really good therapy, it made a huge difference in my life and. Yeah, I think I think it's You don't always notice your progress before others do.

So definitely other people were pointing that out. Yeah.

I'm sure there are listeners who have been through trauma. and like you, for a long time they have just tried to Forget it, you know, take it out of their mind and Ignore it. Uh but and maybe s maybe A case resurfacing doesn't happen in their life. They're still in that stage. And they're hearing this, and it's stirring up things inside of them right now.

Would you encourage that person? uh to reach out for counseling at at this juncture, even though it may have been a number of years earlier when the trauma took place. Absolutely. I think it's important to remember that trauma lives in the subconscious part of our brain and it lives there forever. It is unchanged until we do something.

to address it. I was speaking to a women's group not long ago and When I was done speaking, a 90-year-old woman came up to me. She was blind. And she said, I've never told anybody, but I experienced something similar. And she said, Is it too late to get counseling?

Mm. And I said, absolutely not, right? I mean, yes, she's 90 years old, but if it's gonna help her heal. And I believe that certain therapies are very healing. It was not too late, and we were able to connect her to a therapist.

I'm wondering what happened when you shared with your family, your adult kids, especially. What your expectation was of what their response might have been and what their response actually was. I think telling people about your trauma is one of the hardest parts of experiencing trauma. Because back when it happened and I had to tell my parents, It's re-traumatizing to experience their trauma because they're going to have some secondary trauma there.

So it was scary to tell. my adult kids. I had two adult sons at the time. My one adult son just happened to be at the house when I got the phone call. And I mean, I fell apart.

I fell to the floor. I was crying. I didn't know. I couldn't make sense of my emotions at all. and my husband's Instinct was to go out and get my son and bring him in.

And it was. It was beautiful that he did that because this was tangible evidence that I had survived and life had gone on. Life was good. And so that was very, very helpful and comforting to me. Both of my boys.

Yeah.

I'm just so blessed because they were so caring and loving and understanding. They didn't act shocked, they just comforted. And You know, that's exactly what I needed from them.

So we don't always get that. when we tell people. But I was very blessed.

So, why do people keep that silent if there is if there's real healing? Why do people hang on to this? themselves and not share it with others. There are so many reasons that people do that, and part of it is to avoid the re-traumatization. Part of it is fear.

Part of it is embarrassment. We don't want retaliation. There's just so many reasons that people choose not to talk about their trauma. This is the Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman Podcast.

He's the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . We're talking with author and counselor Lisa Saruga today. She's written our featured resource at fivelovelanguages.com. It's titled The Trauma Tree, Going Beyond Survival, Growing Toward Wholeness. Just go to fivelovelanguages.com.

Lisa, what about the role of forgiveness in this whole thing of processing trauma? What role does forgiveness play? I think that first we need to define forgiveness because forgiveness I think is very important in our healing process, but forgiveness is not. the idea of saying what you did was okay. what happened to me was okay.

That's not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness, I think, is more for us personally. When I forgive it uh somebody for doing something, that means I'm not going to hold on to that pain. I'm not going to be held captive by that memory anymore. I'm letting go of that.

And the reason I say that is because sometimes we've been Our trauma could be at the hands of somebody that we loved. And maybe we're going to forgive them in that way and say, you know, I want to reconcile, but reconciliation is not. It's not mandated when we forgive. I was never, I never had a relationship with this man in the ski mask. I don't want to reconcile with him, it wouldn't be safe to, right?

Right? And there are some people who experience trauma at the hands of maybe a relative or a friend that they have to see again, but it's not safe to have a relationship.

So I guess looking at what Forgiveness is and is not is really important. And the other thing is, when I work with clients, I don't talk about forgiveness right out of the gate. I don't think it needs to be the first thing that happens. I think there's a lot of healing that needs to happen. And then we can lay that down and say, okay, I'm leaving this at the foot of the cross.

I'm not going to carry this with me anymore. I'm forgiving and letting go. You know, Lisa, I often use the word release. rather than forgiveness. And I'll tell you why, releasing it to God.

You know, the scriptures say we're to forgive others in the same way God forgives us.

Well, when does God forgive us? When we confess our sins, God does not forgive everybody. God forgives people who confess their sins.

So I just, that's why I prefer to use that word release, which is exactly what you're describing, is that we come to the place where they have not apologized, they've not repented, you know, and in your case, we have no relationship with them. What we're doing is saying, God, you know the trauma of all of this. You know the person. You know where they are now and their journey. But I just want to release them to you.

I want to turn them over to you and turn all my hurt over to you and just release them. It's sometimes called by other other people one-sided forgiveness, which again is what you're describing. I guess I've just found the word release better. Yeah.

Than for Guillaume. Do you understand what I'm saying? I do, and I completely agree with you. I have to, I hope it's okay to share here. God provided me an opportunity that I will just forever be grateful for, and that is, I was able to meet the perpetrator.

Mm. There's a documentary being filmed on my story, and as part of that, He was under surveillance for a while and I was able to confront him. And for me, that moment. of release. Was when I saw him, he didn't speak to me, but I was able to speak to him.

I gave him a Bible. and I gave him a letter. And I talked to him about release: that I'm releasing this. This is no longer going to rule my life. And to hand him that Bible, and to feel so calm as I handed him the Bible, and to see fear in his face.

Was very healing. Not that I wanted to see fear in his face. But you know what? If he has fear, maybe he'll read that Bible. Maybe he'll find Christ and he'll find forgiveness.

There. But it was a release for me.

Well Absolutely. You know, you're doing another biblical thing. And that is return good for evil. You know, you were violated in a violent way. But here you are all these years later when you had that chance to see him.

You are doing something good. you know, you're giving him a Bible and you're giving me a letter, you know, describing that you're releasing this, you know. and you're expressing concern about his destiny. Because we know God can forgive people like that who have done horrible things, you know, if they repent. God revealed to me in an incredibly powerful way that You know, he wants that none should perish.

Yeah.

And and that no one is too far. No one is too far for God to reach. Yeah.

But that was a progressive thing, it sounds like to me. And most people who have the kind of trauma that you went through are not going to have that face-to-face moment. Were you did you release and forgive uh Several times or over the years or did you have to go through a process of that, choosing that each day? I think I will choose that each day for the rest of my life. I just don't think forgiveness is a one and done thing.

There's always going to be something that reminds us, and then we need to let go again.

Well, I'm sure that many of our listeners are feeling exactly what I'm feeling through all this. I mean, it's a. Your story and what you just shared with us is very moving and is demonstrating. The response God wants us to have to those who Treat us terribly.

Well, describe the concept that you call post-traumatic growth. Yeah, there's actually been research done on post-traumatic growth. And Tadeshi and Calhoun are the the Researchers, and what they found was: you know, we often hear whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And unfortunately, that's not true for everybody. The study showed that about 60% of people actually grow.

after experience trauma. That means 40%. struggle. Right. And they found that there are five measurable Components to growing after trauma.

The first one is that. We end up with a greater appreciation of life and we start to prioritize gratitude in life. That would be one sign of growth. The next is that relationships with others Change.

So some of them grow stronger, and sometimes we need to prune back some of our relationships that maybe are not healthy. The third thing is new possibilities in life. We kind of lose that fear to follow our dreams if we've grown after trauma. You know, if we can survive this, we can survive. trying other things too.

The fourth thing is personal strength. And I say the sweetest by product of acknowledging personal strength is that we come up with optimism. And then the the fifth thing And I think this is so crucial. is that science points to God. Because the fifth element that they noticed in growth is spiritual change, and that people who found that prayer and reliance on God led Led to healing, were able to grow more through their experiences.

So I think that knowing a little bit more about post-traumatic growth You know, maybe we'll find ways to really help that other 40% to also grow.

Well, I'm glad you included that research in the book because I think, yeah, what you just shared I can see a person thinking through that, working through that, that's going to be helpful to them. Yeah.

Wow. And in a lot of ways we get back to the pear tree there too, don't we? It all goes back to the pear tree. Yeah, and the partridge that's in the pear tree at the end of the book, too. I don't know.

Okay, yeah, okay, okay. I can't imagine somebody listening to this today and not wanting to go out and buy this book. Yes. Even if they've never experienced trauma. Oh, well, throughout the book, you highlight Psalm 27, chapter 27, verse 13.

I'm going to read it. Says, I remain confident of this. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. End of quote. Why is that verse significant to you?

So shortly after My cold case was reopened. Um my husband Recognized that I was struggling. And he said, You know what? We can do whatever you want today. Wherever you want to go, we're going to do whatever you want to do.

And I burst into tears and said, I just want to run away. And he said, Well, where do we want to go? And I said, I just want to be alone. I don't know where I want to go. I just, I need to get out.

So my husband packed my bags into the car and said, You don't have to tell me where you're going. Just let me know you're safe when you get there. And he helped me run away. And on that day, I stopped and bought some journaling materials. and I returned to the scene of the crime.

And I sat under the window of the room where it happened, and the very first scripture verse that I wrote into my journal was Psalm twenty seven thirteen. And at the time, I thought. I don't want to wait till the next lifetime for justice, right? Why would God let this be reopened now? And in my mind, I saw this as a promise that I was going to get justice in this lifetime in the land of the living, that I was going to get justice and I was going to get closure.

I was not correct. Justice doesn't always look like What we think it'll look like, but we do have a just God and justice will happen. We're not promised closure in this lifetime. This is not our home. Closure comes in the next lifetime.

Yeah.

So I kept revisiting this psalm and wondering why did God reopen this? if I'm not going to get justice enclosure. After about a year of journaling, I read it again and I thought, I'm going to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of living, not the justice, not the closure, but the goodness of the Lord. And I think sometimes we get so focused on our trauma and our pain and the horrific wasteland of life that we forget to look up and notice. that there's life all around us and the goodness of the Lord is in the land of the living.

Regardless of what trauma you've gone through, regardless of the pain you've experienced, God's goodness is still here. and we can still experience his goodness and even joy. even joy in life after trauma. And that's good news. Mm-hmm.

Lisa, you emphasize the importance of looking beyond ourselves as a step toward healing. Why is that outward focus so crucial? to the recovery process. I think when we experience not just trauma, but depression, anxiety, any of those darker times in life, it's kind of a natural that we focus inward. We're not feeling well, and so we're focused on how we're feeling and what's going on in our life.

And in a way that's unavoidable at first, I think that's what we need to do. But eventually, we need to look outside of ourselves. We need to, again, look up from the chaos and see God's goodness in life. It's very healing when we start to focus on others. And, you know, I'm reminded of 2 Corinthians 1: the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, he comforts us in our times of trouble so that we can comfort.

Those in any trouble with the same comfort that we've received, right? The words so that in that scripture stand out to me. God comforts us so that we know how to comfort others. There's a purpose in that. And so I think part of that healing process is to accept that comfort from God, to do some healing, enough healing that we now can look at others and go, you know what, there's hope for you too.

And let me tell you how you can be comforted. I think that's a part of the healing process.

So in your connection with people over the years, which you have done in the counseling framework, I'm sure you've seen these principles that you have in the book here being fleshed out in real life with people. What does that look like for you to be able to help others? Like in that context. I can say that that's been a huge part of my own healing process. It is such a blessing to be able to reach out to others who have experienced trauma and to say, There's hope.

There's a future. There's still goodness in life. You know, I do EMDR therapy. And to see a client just transformed from that Dead inside. Sad.

you know, person in pain to somebody who really truly sees hope and who is able to experience joy again, there is something healing and transformative about that. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a blessing to see others heal. Yeah, absolutely. You support legislative changes concerning justice for survivors. What have been the areas of greatest concern to you in those efforts?

So I mentioned that only 2.5% of rapists go to jail. And my own case actually It's kind of the perfect case to outline where the loops and the gaps, the loopholes and gaps in our laws are.

So I took my story to Lansing, Michigan, to the state legislators, and told the story and then said, and here's why he didn't go to jail, and here's what you can do to fix these laws. That led to opportunities to go to Washington, D.C. I have met with members of. Congress in DC and there are many little nuances in our laws that prevents us from sending rapists to jail. And some of them are at the federal level, some are at the state level, and the two kind of fight each other.

Because of laws that that kind of prohibit each other from prosecuting.

So I'm just kind of using my story to outline where those difficulties are and how we can fix them. A lot of them tie back to statutes of limitations.

So what victories have you seen and what do you hope happens in the future? Legislatively, I think the victories so far are just that I have the ear. Of Congress, and I'm able to talk with them. Legislation and change is very slow and very difficult. I can remember Being in Washington, DC, at one point, talking to a senator who was expressing that.

She just didn't see any hope that this would ever change. And that part of what we need to do is to overturn. a Supreme Court decision. She said the Supreme Court never overturns decisions. And I was discouraged, um but the next morning I woke up and Roe vs.

Wade had just been overturned. And I heard back from that senator who said, Okay, well. I was wrong. They did overturn a decision. And in a way, that was.

Helpful because for the Supreme Court to overturn Roe versus Wade, it would behoove them to show that we're also going to. Stand up for victims of sexual assault who, you know, this could end up in an unwanted pregnancy.

So we've used that as leverage to say, okay, now show that you're going to protect people too. Because a lot of these people who are going for abortions are going because they've been Assaulted Right.

So let's do something to stop that too.

So, you know, we just go one step at a time, and God keeps opening doors, and we'll see where He takes it.

Well, let me commend you. for what you're doing in that area. Because this issue certainly needs to be addressed.

So thank you for doing that. Thank you. Well, at least as we come to the end of our time together to day, How can family, friends, our faith community, you know, the church, rally around both the traumatized and those who love them? That is such a good question. Thank you for asking that.

You know, I look at the book of Job. And Job experienced trauma like No other, right? Big T trauma on top of big T trauma. And his friends. came to support him and at first they did exactly the right thing.

They just sat with him. And comforted. They didn't. ask questions they didn't They didn't say much of anything, they were just with him. And then they kind of blew it.

After a few days, they started thinking, okay, why did this happen to Job? And how do I make sure it doesn't happen to me? And then they start saying, okay, Job, what sin did you commit? We need to avoid that kind of blaming and shaming. And it happens so naturally because we don't want the same trauma to happen to us.

I think it's important that we stay focused on the person who's experienced the trauma. Really, it's about just physically being there with them at first. and talking about it.

So many times people don't talk about trauma because they don't want to hurt the person that's experienced trauma, but then that person starts to feel like the trauma didn't matter. And so I think it's important to acknowledge the trauma, check in with that person from time to time. You know, we talk about churches bringing meals to people, and that sounds like just such a Cliche, simple thing to do, but it's actually perfect. We want to meet those. First, basic biological needs of that person, first, right?

And so, if a healthy meal is something that's going to meet those needs, bring them a healthy meal, and the great Advantage to that is now you're there in person and you can check in on them and you can express your love and your support for them.

So, I think it's just a matter of looking for ways to touch base and acknowledge the pain. Don't ignore it. They need to hear that you know.

Well, Lisa, I want to thank you for being with us today. This has been an amazing interview and a very emotional interview. And this book offers a real hope for people in trauma.

So, I just thanks for the way you've handled your journey and for the fact that you have written this book to help others, and doing other things that you're doing in your sphere of influence to help others. Thank you again for being with us today. Thank you so much. We've heard a path toward real hope today from Lisa Suruga. And if you want to read more about her story, go to buildingrelationships.us.

Her book is linked right there, The Trauma Tree. Going beyond survival, growing toward wholeness. Again, just go to buildingrelationships.us. And coming up next week, if you feel like all you want to do is yell at your husband, Don't miss an encouraging conversation in one week. Before we go, let me thank our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Backing.

Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.